If you’re the scapegoat you feel a sense of loneliness throughout your life that no one can ever truly understand

@blueskiesforever114

2 жыл бұрын

Yes so true

@vondaking5494

2 жыл бұрын

Its sad

@britanymedina6064

2 жыл бұрын

Thankfully we can understand each other. I wish I knew some of us in person.

@janiececooper6758

2 жыл бұрын

So true and sadly we try so hard to fill that void and it never seems to be full.

@williampicton7072

2 жыл бұрын

I agree it's painful.

The scapegoat is usually the bright, bubbly one in infancy. The one with a powerful sense of self and an innate sense of justice and fairness, The one who calls out BS. The one with the most potential to strive and thrive. The unconscious choice of the scapegoat is based in envy and a fierce need to squash that light. The backstabbing and character assassination is designed to dull your light. You're not mad. It is real. All of us who have been chosen as the scapegoat - our light is bright. Blinding! So shine! Shine! Shine! Shine! You're precious xxx

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Exactly! It's deeper than what many can comprehend. It's spiritual warfare within some families that have this hierarchy system. This is an ancient and generational injustice. Joseph from the Holy Bible experience this through the betrayal of his 10 brothers.

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

You literally wrote my experience, wow. Thank you for sharing what you know that I can take, too.

@kjbkjhkjhjk7775

Ай бұрын

yes I am such a happy person with so many beautiful and lovely qualities, and unfortunately that attracts a lot of projection. I am so happy I have learned to love myself and to spot projection as soon as it happens! I am such a happy bubbly person, I can leave the dysfunction and have a beautiful happy life on my own. I can heal and have a beautiful life of healing xx we're very lucky in that way!

@sda141

24 күн бұрын

Yes, and I am again!

@sda141

24 күн бұрын

And you are bright, shiny & precious too!

One huge thing I’ve noticed is that the scapegoat gets blamed for their reaction but narcissists will keep going and keep going until they get that reaction no matter what you do.

@joesmith8701

2 жыл бұрын

i know and they expect u to do sod all u me dad use to say walk away yet when i did he would allways pin me to the ground well onetime he pushed me as i walked away and that was it i beat the living shit out of him attacked him with a bottle lol

@milkandblue

2 жыл бұрын

JOE Smith same! I tried walking away and my mum reacted with so much anger and came running upstairs to try to hit me, ended up kicking my doorframe instead and still blames me for her injured foot 15 years later 😂

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

@@milkandblue my ex did that too he hit me too hard and wanted me to feel bad that he hurt his hand and made me get him ice, when i got the ice it wasnt wrapped the way he wanted damn i'm so stupid i guess

@pennyproud2370

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly!! Thats what my father does, he is a narcissist, and its so hard.

@growthhealing4031

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly what j gone through

Yeah, they needle you until you get angry and then they say, you're such an angry person. Which makes you even angrier. It's a vicious cycle.

@leslieearthangel3473

3 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of my mom who was treating me awful, and when I finally exploded she turned to my dad and was like "she"s mean to me". *rolls eyes*

@cynthiajohnson9412

3 жыл бұрын

@@leslieearthangel3473 :Oh don't I hear you. My mother does fake tears when you fight back against her underhanded attacks. Her tears literally dry up in a heart beat, while it take me days to calm myself and get my stress hormones back to a level where I can function. I didn't figure out until well in adulthood that chronic, debilitating anxiety wasn't normal.

@Poorstargazer23

3 жыл бұрын

The worst part is, people outside of the situation, especially when they didn't have toxic relationships, CANNOT comprehend the extent of the trauma and don't understand when you snap... It's because you were literally broken by your abusers. You can get a lot of, "But they're your family." blah blah. But outsiders just can't understand the extent abuse can traumatize someone.

@Layla-fr7mf

3 жыл бұрын

@@cynthiajohnson9412 At least it’s fake tears mine goes into rage and gets violent

@Layla-fr7mf

3 жыл бұрын

That is a trap because they already know how to trap you and how they have conditioned you so they will call you the sick one. It’s best to stay away from them and if you are still with them stay in another room and don’t absorb anything they say just observe it and sing songs in your head when they abuse you

I was/am the scapegoat! Everything that was wrong in the family was my fault. Even when I did something amazing, it wasn't good enough. I am "no contact" with my family now, and they say I'm the bad one for that, also.

@LisaSmith-yb2uz

3 жыл бұрын

Very relatable 👌❣️

@realhealing7802

3 жыл бұрын

Same here! No contact was my only option.

@Vashti0825

3 жыл бұрын

Thats a tough thing to do. I hope you find the healing you need. I keep a healthy distance. They will never understand the family dynamics like we do.

@laurac.9322

3 жыл бұрын

I too can relate my family of origion always called me the problem child. Everyone who really cared about and loved me is deceased...there are some of them left but no relationship at all they r estranged and NO CONTACT...they could careless whether i live or die. When my moms sisters said at her funeral "i always told your mom it wasnt the material things that were important its the relationships you have with people.but she failed to mention they would always shame us cause we didnt have much always made us feel less than so we stopped going to see them. My mum had very limited contact as we lived far from them but they blamed me also...they would always say when is your mother comming to get you when i was little. And at the funeral mums sisters said they came because of her not me they could care less about me. I thought really at a funeral....youd say that????!!When anybody asks me about my family i just tell em they are dead. Its been 30 years since.

@dianerose7631

3 жыл бұрын

Same here I’m almost done getting a real estate license and i plan to relocate 3000 mile away and i have not told them. Nothing makes them stop tormenting me since childhood. They always treat me like an imbecile. Say i belong in a group home/asylum its laughable.

The sooner you realize that the unsupportive family is not likely to start supporting you the sooner you stop seeking their approval. You have to step away to support yourself regardless of where they stand. Many Blessings 🙏❤️🌟

@Starlight111x

2 жыл бұрын

Blessings to you✨

@leonardwilliams7772

2 жыл бұрын

ive been so utterly destroyed from the age of 3, knowing even as a kid, something was wrong, just not having any idea what. they took it way to far, so now i have nothing to lose. im 59, and have spent the last 4 years studying, getting proffesional counsel, from many outlets, i could get a degree now. all while living homeless, destitute. i play guitar like eddie van halen, bass, drums, banjo, violin, it all means nothing. ive prepared my case like a good lawyer, and am about to out the whole story. im no fan of tech, but it will allow me to do this. stop the cycle while your young.

@rubberbiscuit99

2 жыл бұрын

Amen

@falsehoodbasher7240

2 жыл бұрын

@@leonardwilliams7772 doesn't work like that. "while you're young" you're naive. Like how tf can you even do anything while you were effing 3yo. that's damn near a walking baby

@Jochabed

Жыл бұрын

A lot wisdom - you seemed to have successfully risen from the ashes. Did you find your strength in God?

I was the scape goat, at almost 60yrs I still deal with the way things were, my sister, the golden child, has a very content life. I don't speak to my family at all. I have a loving husband and son's and are helping me remember that I am worth loving.

@jenniferg6818

3 жыл бұрын

I went nc with my family. Single mom. It's a struggle.

@kahlodiego5299

3 жыл бұрын

@@jenniferg6818 Unfortunately it's sometimes a matter of survival and it doesn't matter how much you love them or even miss them.

@anitaroempke7310

3 жыл бұрын

Lucky you

@MartinPicasso92508

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 59 and everything you read about toxic siblings of scapegoats is true. Toxic siblings will lie and gaslight you every chance they get. You live with this shit your whole life.

@helenpothecary567

3 жыл бұрын

I was kicked out at 15 , I was a gd kid , my mother would make up lies & I was given a week to leave,, the golden child left home at 30 when they helped by her home & every thing- why I went straight into abusive relationship, that was all I new I raised my 5 children alone , I made my own family , When my parents died didn’t even hav place in funeral car , I only went because they thought I wouldn’t- I don’t speak to my sister , sh had most inheritance signed over to her before mother’s death I’m happy I hav my own family & we are all so close

I asked my golden brother what he had learnt from our narci parents, he goes: that I can do anything... And I'm like: that's exactly the opposite of what I got from them 🙄

@amandachilds5290

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah I was both so I get it. You can do anything but you are also to blame for everything because You can do anything so if it goes badly you are at fault or must fix it as if you are at fault. Does that make any sense?

@Isabelmaryj

3 жыл бұрын

I remember my sister saying she had learned from our mum that she "could be the next prime minister" and I was amazed by this - I noticed that anything I was good at or interested in was always diminished/ignored.

@Purple9721.

3 жыл бұрын

My dad would tell me that I'm lazy and wasting my life, but any time I started showing an interest in anything he would come up with a bunch of reasons why I couldn't succeed at it and so there was no point even trying. I still struggle with feeling stuck and talk to myself this way now. know I have potential but lots of self doubt at the same time. Feels like trying to run in water! And he has his own business. Wouldn't give me a job there but my brother and sister were both given management jobs... To be honest though I don't envy them one bit lol

@cestmagnifique7932

3 жыл бұрын

Sad.. I missed HUGE, life-changing opportunities for not believing I could achieve it 😔 but surely, it's better not to rely on them and learn how to be independent and nurture ourselves 💪

@Rain9Quinn

3 жыл бұрын

So sorry...

I think narc parents feel threatened by your competence and have to create a reality where they are the King and Queen and you are their lowly servant.

@healingandgrowth-infp4677

3 жыл бұрын

My narc bro n narc mother did this. Would say they are the boss. And treat my disabled bro n me like we are servants and slave and worthless below them

@Julia-jd5gr

2 жыл бұрын

@@healingandgrowth-infp4677 Yep, I was the indentured servant of the family. I lived out that role in my selection of a spouse and my marriage, until I set myself free! I didn't feel like a wife, I felt like an employee! It all started w/my scapegoat upbringing. I'm healing how.

@Ronsquaremy

2 жыл бұрын

Funny enough....I made a poem like that and had no idea that it was about narcissistic abuse

@keloisin7487

2 ай бұрын

That's it... and they keep building and breaking down and keeping you in the cycle and the fog. everything that comes out of myself is belittled and seen as a treat. Everything needs to be done and been provided by them, because I am not worthy and an inbecil. I developed social problems and attracted the wrong friends and partners into my life. And it damaged my self-esteem, mental health, self-confidence and wellbeing as a whole... I didn't find out until I was 41 . It's like my mom or I was lying from the moment she gave birth to me and I know 100% I'm not the one that was lying if that makes any sense...haha. (My whole life was a lie, and all those years I was a different person ...damaged and treathed like shit by the whole wide world because of it)

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

​@@Julia-jd5grdeep. The effects of narcissism abuse can cause you to either become a narcissist towards you're spouse as an adult or become a suffering victim towards you're spouse. I learned to seek healing and restoration from God.

Don't let those people around the narcissist off the hook. They see exactly what's happening to the scapegoat and they don't care as long as it's not happening to them. I had a relative who had a narcissistic mother and she was nice to me, but I saw how she treated her daughter. I called her out on it and she seemed surprised that I even noticed. None of this person's siblings, who the mother treated better, seem to ever notice anything wrong. They didn't care as long as it wasn't happening to them.

@HS-bu6wo

7 ай бұрын

So glad you spoke up. In my family, they just say that I've always been the super sensitive one, instead of acknowledging the emotionally abusive and devaluing way my step dad has always treated me. I have always been the truth teller, so I can see why he started scapegoating me and triangulating me right away.

@ba4111

6 ай бұрын

this is so important and validating, often I feel like the people around me don't know what's going on but they do, they're just pretending they don't because it makes them feel powerful.

@yuu_miran

6 ай бұрын

The same stuff at workplaces…

@yoyoma17

5 ай бұрын

@@HS-bu6wo That's another sick form of gaslighting. I've been called the over-emotional one, angry one, upset one... of course no one cared to notice how some in the family seemed to make a sport of pokig and poking and poking me until I had to express myself. When I was a kid one brother would even torture me physically until I snapped and we'd both then get in trouble a my parent simply didn't want to deal with actually being parents.

@HS-bu6wo

5 ай бұрын

@@yoyoma17 I'm so sorry that all happened to you.

I was shocked when I realized that no one else knew about my dads temper. It has left me with crippling anxiety that my family either denies exists or they made fun of me for it.

@davidf3821

3 жыл бұрын

You'd be surprised....neighbors hear stuff, relatives pick up on things.

@user-eo9to7wd2t

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah my dad has a huge temper. I flinch at everything now. My anxiety is terrible

@solidstate9451

2 жыл бұрын

disgusting

@angieash9560

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Me too! How could they not see how violent and even dangerous my father was? Smashing furniture, always in a rage. He was very hostile and it was all the time! Yet I got blamed and shamed for being quiet and doing well at everything. These people are crazy!

Correction-the scapegoat usually embodies all of the traits and strong characteristics and empathy that the Narc parent wished they possessed inside. The golden child is a reflection of the shallow outer shell that the Narc likes to illuminate and identifies mostly with the narcissist (and they usually are a Narc as well). Also, you should NOT go back to any unhealthy environment rather you’ve healed or not. Allowing them to trigger you and excusing behavior as “that’s just mom” is the mentality that perpetuates that evil system. Once you heal you won’t feel the need to placate and/or excuse behavior just to “belong” and tolerate abusive behavior. You will be more focused on your awakening and finding your true soul tribe and creating the family that will treat you with the love and care you deserve. Peace & healing to all!!✨

@antoinette4995

6 ай бұрын

I literally just wrote about this. I became the scapegoat precisely because I was deemed "too perfect" and as having traits my narc mom wished she and my siblings had. So glad someone else sees this too.

@bethhayes8427

5 ай бұрын

I'm the skapegoat sister, was the golden child who stated, "Oh that is just mom".

@ellied3781

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for commenting this it’s so healing to read ❤

@melt2947

4 ай бұрын

Yes, you can't continue to drink poison and expect to live.

@WAsmellycat

4 ай бұрын

You are correct. She is wrong. The scapegoat = the child most threatening to the insecure, f**ked up parent. Calls them out on their sh*t. This woman has no clue what she's talking about.

It also happens that the golden child wakes up, puts up boundaries and then becomes the scapegoat.

@mariajmc6557

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@handsomeking1951

2 жыл бұрын

i was once the golden child but I want to be a fair child so I mediate between family feuds or speak up when I disagree now I become the scapegoat for being fair and just.

@samanthak9078

2 жыл бұрын

YES, this. And people that are/have been the scapegoats in my family have also dealt with it too, but I walked away, and now I'm likely going to become the scapegoat, *shocking*

@samanthak9078

2 жыл бұрын

@@handsomeking1951 yes! I just had enough and personally I just walked away and I'm done.

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

@@handsomeking1951 Being a fair person will make them turn their scapegoating onto you. They won’t play the fair way. It goes completely against what they’re made of.

I'm autistic and was scapegoated by my parents and older sister. I was brutally physically abused until high school, then I dissociated most of high school away and somehow got some scholarships and signed for college soccer and escaped. Now I live across the Atlantic from my family of origin. I escaped from the people and places but I will never escape the pain. The pain will never leave me...

@victoriasage7

2 жыл бұрын

The pain can heal

@mantralibre1367

2 жыл бұрын

@@victoriasage7 heal my ass. I'm an inner desert, whatever i accomplish. The day my parents die, i'm quite sure will be my first true smile since i was a kid. Hateless. Finally.

@psychoholiday-ju1cp

Жыл бұрын

I moved to the West Coast literally two decades ago from the DC area. I had no idea I was a scapegoat until my 40s. (I was to busy being young and having fun with other people besides my family back then). I've been no contact with my three siblings for a few years now and my parents are next at this rate despite them being in their 80s. (Well, one way or another literally). I have ADD and could be considered an aspie, I guess, by some definitions. (I can sense what people feel yet somehow I'm off in a sense). PS--I love sports but I used to despise soccer. Yet about 10 years ago I started becoming a fan of international soccer and realized why it's the Worlds sport. Guitar is my talent, anyway, you keep on kicking that ball (or defending it /whatever part of the field you're on if you're still playing the game!). Signing off, Matt in Phoenix

@Jochabed

Жыл бұрын

Well done - not many people could overcome like you have. I agree, the pain has damaged us in ways that never completely heal. Triggers bring everything back to life...

@Karen-np2mc

9 ай бұрын

Autistic people are scapegoated by people who lack understanding and compassion. I'm the parent of a beautiful autistic young person so I've lived it. Please find good people to support you. There are many who will understand.

You have taught me more about my C-PTSD in 15 minutes than I learned in 15 years of therapy. I was the scapegoat, and this video made me cry. I finally felt heard, seen, and validated. Thank you so much.

@falsehoodbasher7240

2 жыл бұрын

Then you're therapist SUCKS and is unqualified in helping you - a waste of time - a take of YOUR resources while give back crumbs - sounds like nark?

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

I have been to many therapists and generally when they want to explain something they’ll use stupid analogies that take too long and don’t explain that much. You get sometimes really helpful tidbits but takes forever. But then with KZreadrs, they’re explaining a phenomenon so succinctly that’s so relatable in these brilliant and concise ways that it makes it seem as if therapists have never fully studied it before and never practiced articulating it. It’s crazy because I have the same feelings constantly when I watch KZreads, “how did none of my therapists tell me this?” I think therapists don’t study narcissistic abuse enough too. The CBT model of therapy is to question your own beliefs and assumptions about people and situations and try to recognize your part in it. But in narcissistic abuse, when you’ve been silenced your whole life and feel guilty to even say your parents did anything wrong, I don’t think the typical CBT tools are helpful, and might actually even be harmful, especially if you were always gaslit.

@mzm2644

Жыл бұрын

💜💜💜

@steffi5945

Жыл бұрын

❤❤❤

@FieryKTarot

Жыл бұрын

It's making me cry too

They try to sabotage your healing, because they don't want you to escape the role of scapegoat.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Yup

At 67 years old, last year was my "enough is enough" moment. I got the strength and determination to walk away from the whole disgusting family. Decades and decades of cruelty. Just being used and abused. Living a lonely life in total isolation. What you said at the beginning of the video is so true. My golden child brother loved my parents and his childhood. I am left with only hope that HELL is actually a real place. Because that is precisely where my despicable parents rightfully belong.

@russellm7530

3 жыл бұрын

God Bless you Sir. I whole heartedly understand. I'm 53 years old and and my whole life has been in ruins since I was a kid. No future for me that I can see. God bless you.

@jaykram7754

3 жыл бұрын

@@russellm7530 Thank you for your reply. Life is indeed a daily challenge. It is very difficult to not think of the past. However, I try to stay positive and focus on the little things in life that bring me peace and pleasure. Looking too far into the future can be scary. For myself, I find that one month at a time seems to work best. A mindset like that might be workable for you as well. Best of luck to you in your journey!

@bonniel4325

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 62, and still trying to heal. It seems as if I was forced by gaslighting to sweep my perceptions and feeling under the rug for most of my life. Since my rotten parents died, the memories and emotions seemed to start flooding back. As painful as it is some days, Jaykran, remember we have freedom right now. We have to find ways to nurture ourselves. Just going outdoors and hearing the birds, feeling the breeze on your face. Looking up at the stars at night. These are miracles we can still enjoy, although, yes it is late in life. Blessings to you.

@JW-uq9yt

3 жыл бұрын

I am 43, I totally feel you, enough is enough, they better burn in hell as they deserve. The thing is, my mother becomes so on edge and confused after seeing me not to be affected by her shit, it is somehow enjoyable to watch 😂🤣. Give them their shit back, bless you, whole heartily ❤️🙏🙏

@jaykram7754

3 жыл бұрын

@@bonniel4325 Thank you, Bonnie! I fully agree! An hour walk in the park each day brings me relaxation (and exercise)! I can spend hours listening to music and singing along. And you are right! While we don't have family, we are totally finally free of the continual scapegoating!

I really got this when in my 30's, I invited my parents and sibling to an event I put on and acted in. They just got up and left when I received a standing ovation and they never mentioned it again.

@karenmurdoch1042

2 жыл бұрын

Wow.....!

@EMVelez-qb1zu

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry, Rosemary. You deserved far better. 💙

@tamfx2138

2 жыл бұрын

Wow

@santoparfano1910

2 жыл бұрын

Damn...

@dionnejordan3588

2 жыл бұрын

They are SO jealous they HATE to see you win. HATE IT

After near 30 years of professional help of some kind on and off, as my NPD Mother nears end of life I was forced to acknowledge I cannot go near her. I tried to drive the 5 hour trip, got half way and pulled over shaking with extreme anxiety, turned around for home and felt brand new within 10 minutes. No more indulging my abuser.......simply no more. My very capacity to sustain this life depends on it.....I can't even look at her, I find her utterly repulsive and that's a horrible realisation to try to process.

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

It gets better when you realise how many other people find their mother repulsive. Mine comes out almost a dark blue/black aura in photos, as does the worst sister. It's not you, it's them.

I wish I didn't understand what you're talking about, but sadly do. It's the brainwashing of others that hurts as much as the narcissist's behaviour. I can understand and accept the sickness of a narcissistic parent, it's the loss of siblings and the brainwashing of others that's even harder to heal from, like a double abuse, an injustice. Your video explained/reinforced many of my own feelings. Thanks for that and good job.

@tiddlywinks8299

2 жыл бұрын

I understand this completely. I have no idea who I can trust b/c I don't know who believes all the crap my mother projected onto me in her stories about me. My greatest fear is her brainwashing my adult children against me, which would sadly bring my mother tremendous satisfaction... she's already tried to do this with my daughter.

@jamesrutter4100

Жыл бұрын

Then understand. ITS THE NARC conning everybody. THEY ARE VICTIMS AS WELL(cowardly ones) but victims none the less

@jamesrutter4100

Жыл бұрын

​@@tiddlywinks8299trust NONE of them. Those who see the truth will come to you with it

@momo90416

6 ай бұрын

Absolutely...double abuse 💔

@christinep.4238

6 ай бұрын

It is exactly like double abuse. You've eloquently defined that as nobody else has that I've heard!! The cycle 9f dysfunctional behavior gets more crazy and intertwined as time progresses...I am beyond grateful for KZread!!!!!! and the speakers on it. Internet has good connecting qualities for sure!!! 😊

I went no contact for 3 month. Then my codependent mother died. Now Im stuck with the rest and I feel nothing for them. They are like strangers to me.

@janegreen5301

7 ай бұрын

They are the strangers, not you.

They are jealous of the scapegoat- then project their evil to destroy the source of their envy.

This is my mum in a nutshell.....she seem to love cutting me down. Hate it. She triangulates me with my siblings.....Gone no contact. Felt invisible all my life. Thank you for clarifying my own thoughts. X

@fifthavenuegirl

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, the triangulation is unbelievable with these people. So sick.

Michele, you’ve communicated this painful topic with a lot of sensitivity and empathy. Thank you.

The scapegoat is also often the one perceived as the weakest. That’s why empaths often get singled out as the scapegoat. Because of their high empathy the narc parent miss perceives them, the one that will take it, as the one that is weak. Instead of the one that is just able to empathize which is actually a great strength. Unfortunately we often end up becoming people pleasers. Just as the brains way to self protect from the negative projections. Empathy is a mighty superpower when you can learn to not personalize other peoples projections. Having empathy and understanding of where they’re coming from and where the behavior is coming from without personalizing it as something wrong with your own being. It really comes down to displaced anxiety. When someone hands that over to you don’t take that on and keep that ball rolling! Let anxiety fall flat, where it belongs.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Also attempt to cast that demonic spirit out. Narcissism is a demonic spirit.

I had two very narcissistic parents and both of my sisters loved to join in on the bullying and abuse to the point that I was living in mental hospitals, which further “proved “ their point. I had two eye injuries and they turned on me even more. I lost everything and couldn’t hold a job. This gave them lots of ammunition and ensured that my role continued. The role of family scapegoat is one of the worst things anyone could go through. It often ends in suicide like it almost did with me. At 59 I went no contact and still had to deal with a sociopath for a husband and his narcissistic mother. That came to an end not too long ago and I’m 62. I’m so sad that my life was lost to abuse because I know I had so much potential, but no one should be everyone’s trash can no matter what. I’m looking for an online group especially for family scapegoats. I haven’t found one. This is very depressing.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

So true. A scapegoat support group is a good idea. Until you find one, the KZread comments section can be your support group. I think most people watching this deeply relate to what you’ve been through. I do. Sending you love. 💕💚🌈

@a.graham3160

Жыл бұрын

Sending you love friend, I’m in the beginning stage at 47. No matter your age it’s never to late to heal. 🙏🏽♥️

@jasonschoemehl

Жыл бұрын

I don't know of any support groups. But I would highly recommend wu wei wisdom KZread videos. It's all about inner child healing. It's similar to parts work ,shadow work, and internal family systems. Wu wei wisdom is the best type of therapy for family scapegoat abuse and narcissistic abuse in my opinion. Good luck!

@starseeds8121

8 ай бұрын

Thanks for your post.

@shekinahslife3231

7 ай бұрын

Be encouraged

I am the scapegoat and went no contact 5 years ago with my narcissistic mother and entire dysfunctional family, I'm putting myself first and doing self care, what my narcissistic mother does now is comes around my way to watch what I am doing, and sends her flying monkeys as well. As long as they don't come try to talk to me I'm good, cause I will call the cops on them, I don't want anything to do with my narcissistic mother or entire dysfunctional family.

So true they always ignore my success!

@virgo8609

3 жыл бұрын

@Gemma Dann very well said!

@lifeisbeautiful7047

2 жыл бұрын

They only care about my Success not me

@KidDavidFootball

2 жыл бұрын

I don't know you but I'm proud of you and your achievements.

@virgo8609

2 жыл бұрын

@@KidDavidFootball thank you!

@jimparsons4312

Ай бұрын

My family made fun of me when I was successful… said I thought I was “hot shit”

I now avoid seeing my family anymore. I felt some guilt at first but not much. They will never treat me differently and I don’t care but also won’t subject myself to feeling like crap which my mom is so good at doing. So I find excuse after excuse to stay away and I’m much happier for it. She even expected to text every day and I stopped that months ago and it’s great! She burst into my home, uninvited, when I was dealing from PTSD from my ex destroying my property and hurting me, all because I went 2 days without texting her. It was time to change things.

@monicalarsson774

3 жыл бұрын

Its harder when its your mum.....I know how you feel. Good you been able to distance yourself. X 💜

You just validated so much for me. It’s such a painful thing to constantly have your “loved ones” manipulating your reality

So basically, this is decided and calculated in their mind before you ever said a word. Wow! Thank you.

@LSMH528Hz

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes even before birth

@Priya_B

2 жыл бұрын

They dont always calculate it; its not always a conscious decision, they also may not consciously care or be aware of the impact they are having on the scapegoat, they need to do these things in order to meet their own emotional needs, to project their own unwanted emotions upon, hence the need for only one “garbage can”. I am the scapegoat. It is my narcissistic mother’s birthday tomorrow and I am low contact but will be going to their house tomorrow and I am terrified of being triggered. My brother is the golden child. How Michele describes this has been my exact experience except it was my mother behaving this way with my brother and I. I can still see he is still trapped in the codependency with my mother and will probably always be this way, in my opinion.

@yagerr4279

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

I live 800+ miles from family and a few years ago I was around both sides of the family for about a week (half with my dad’s side, who was the main narcissist in my life, and half with my mom’s side) due to two deaths; there was a moment with each family where my eyes were opened and I immediately saw how EVERY person played a role within that narcissistic dynamic. Although I wasn’t surprised on my dad’s side, it threw me for a loop when I witnessed it on my mom’s side. I was far enough along in my healing, however, where I was able to objectively observe and thoroughly understand on my very long drive back home.

@Vashti0825

3 жыл бұрын

Interesting drive home, no doubt.

@monicalarsson774

3 жыл бұрын

Same here after been away for long time it totally threw me when I realised my mum was almost worse in her put downs and manipulative ways, quite shocking actually......x

The scapegoat black sheep are actually the stronger ones mindset wise because they are their own person with their own mind unlike the golden child who never knows who they are beyond the narc. This is in ever class of family too. Harry is the scapegoat of the Royal family and he literally ESCAPED his narc Royals and controlling grandmother and said with his own words “I feel sorry for my brother and father they are trapped in the system” and he felt empathy for his wife and his mother who was scapegoated until death. No matter how rich or famous no one is immune to dysfunctional families and abuse. The scapegoat has the most success in life because they deal with the REAL world and excel there including meeting friends and strangers who live and accept them while the golden child remains stuck as a child pleasing mommy and daddy until death. Burn the soul contracts with them by meditating, stay away and don’t allow them to trigger you by healing and loving yourself.

@lesleygarvs4640

3 жыл бұрын

I totally love those shoes... 😍😍😍👠👠

@bahiyabee7671

3 жыл бұрын

@@lesleygarvs4640 Thank you honey

@sumaiyaanika9270

3 жыл бұрын

whoa like seriously ,life was meaningless at first but ,right now I am working on unlearning belief ,reprogramming my subconscious mind tbh I am grateful right now I m on the healing journey ,I also have plans to relocate to another country ,long distance is better ,I m just waiting for the opportunity to those toxic people once for all

@fifthavenuegirl

3 жыл бұрын

but he might have married a narc.

@LSMH528Hz

2 жыл бұрын

Errm. i don't think any "royals" aren't narcissistic.

Michele, you are pure heart. When you speak, I can see your strength and courage. I believe every word you say because I can tell from your genuine words that you've suffered this and have come through. Thank you for giving us hope.

@Mclarex

3 жыл бұрын

She is amazing. A real life angel on earth.

I am afraid of being "too much" with any emotion now. When interacting with others, I'm constantly monitoring to make sure I haven't shown any emotion "too much" to whoever I'm interacting with. I instantly feel my hypervigilance and begin only focusing on the other person/their feelings when I perceive I could've revealed too much. I do this, hoping that I can "mend" what I've done before they decide to reprimand me for my feelings. Of all emotions I repress on a daily basis: sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. The worse to feel I have to "tone down" or hide from others is happiness. I know deep down I'm a grand, enthusiastic and happy person but I'm way too afraid that showing happiness to others will result in them "knocking me down a peg." Continuing to live life after being abused by narcissists for 18 years is incredibly hard.

@AdrielxMonique

2 жыл бұрын

Same for me but just keep persevering !

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Umm...just actively find like minded people who possess the same energy as you. God will bring them to you. Accept the reprimand and rejection as strength to persevere through, but do NOT change who you are for nobody unless it's truly a negative personality trait. Sometimes, it's also a way of God telling you to leave you're city. It could be that you're living in a narc nested city.

Michelle thank you for giving me hope that I can heal from cptsd. You are genuine when you speak, and look fully healed. As a scapegoat child of a covert narcissist, I couldn't articulate into words what you just described as my personal experiences. The worst part is when no one believes you could have a parent so evil plotting to destroy your happiness at all cost. Its like a real life horror movie where you're not allowed to be happy, be yourself, or have your own personality.

I am crying. I am the scape goat. Never believed, never listened to, always was wrong and everyone else was right.

What happens when the whole family used you as the scapegoat? My dad was the only one that didn’t. No one in my family can see me as who I am today, they still only see me as that scapegoat out of control child.

@volvaheidrbores663

3 жыл бұрын

That's terrible, I'm in the same boat. I'm so sorry.

@Princess0ftheLight

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I have an answer for you. Stay strong and I hope you get the answer soon.

@curiousminds4395

3 жыл бұрын

Leave!!!

@kenknife111

3 жыл бұрын

I have that issue too. I ended up in mental hospitals, and with therapists who were clueless. (Narcissism was unknown) I find that no contact with my family works best for me.

@xrc7445

2 жыл бұрын

Same issue here. I am the last of 4 girls, I was the target of everyone besides my oldest sister. Then, when the malignant ones either died (mom) or moved out (sister 3) ot got too old (dad), she became abusive too. What a nightmare! I cut them all out of my life.

I was trying to discuss this toxic dynamic with my sister (the Golden Child), but she shut it down by telling me that if I had behaved more like her, my mother would have treated me better. Of course, she couldn't give me any specific things I did to deserve being treated like shit. There's no defense of our mother and she knows it - but she HAS TO.

@Seatonni

9 ай бұрын

Same

My sister actually said to me once "what right have you to be happy", and of course everyone laughed....

@Joelswinger34

Жыл бұрын

OMG!!!

@charlesp.8555

9 ай бұрын

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry

@vivdoolan6846

8 ай бұрын

Omg...insanity!!!!

@cassiebennet4262

6 ай бұрын

That's exactly what narcissists believe. I'm always shocked when they come right out and tell the truth of how awful they are. If they're miserable no one else has the right to be happy.

So true. My father went to a psychiatric hospital with paranoia and depression in about 1992 and yet *I* was the one who was labelled paranoid. THE most text book case of projection I can imagine and none of them think this is wrong. My mother made me the garbage can for all of her shame and my father made me the garbage can for his low self-esteem. My brother did have a totally different childhood. But the thing is, my brother is going to be lost and confused when my parents die and I am going to feel free, like an adult.

@patriciaclark1492

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't it odd how otherwise intelligent supposedly discerning people are oblivious to the ringleader narcisst especially if they are the vulnerable victim narcissist type? This content is so true that the siblings will not allow the scapegoated sibling to be defined any other way than how that individual sibling "needs" to view them . Heaping unwarranted blame. I was the scapegoat with a talent that could be drawed upon then I was promptly disregarded. My need for peace I became the peacemaker mislabeled a damn enabler by my clueless and heartless siblings who falsely claim they were the most neglected or injured which is ridiculous because the most injured is the one who was scapegoated the most and the real joke the real twist is this gang stalking behavior the siblings use to further abuse the most abused victim in the group. Its unbelievable. Everyone is a servant in proximity and an enabler to the narc ,they just do not know it. These types morph but never truly change. They completely shatter and ruin lives. My father knew it was completely hopeless and that the truth nor mercy mattered , all that mattered was appeasing the beast of consumption..

@patriciaclark1492

3 жыл бұрын

They certainly create fight flight freeze appease in their victims and make them obligated to subjugate their lives to these whiners. The twist the real knife comes in to stab your heart when these narcisst make you take responsibility for their abuse of you. The dumb morons will not accept responsibility for their abusive actions EVER. My son's father is the worst of the worst narcisst and my son is blind to it or doesn't care . They deserve to burn in hell..

@SusanaXpeace2u

3 жыл бұрын

@@patriciaclark1492 I know, I had a friend defend a scapegoater saying ''oh you know how she is!''. Translated ''well, she's ok to me, so I can ignore the fact that she's trying to ice you out''

@patriciaclark1492

3 жыл бұрын

@@SusanaXpeace2u either a. She didnt know how she was. And who can but someone who has throughly examined and experienced this crap. Or B. She knew exactly what to say to play in fantasy land with the fake to extract whatever benefit she needed to hear or get. They are crazy making machines whom you can not be in proximity of nor anyone who has contact with you because you knowing the TRUTH about what a robber of time killer of souls destroyer of lives these ppl are. Business love them because they have no heart or truth to get in the way. They twist that stuff . Eeeek. Not just harmless people.

@xrc7445

2 жыл бұрын

Wow! "Paranoid"? Really?!?!?! Those people's projections are insane! I am the last of 4 daughters. All my sisters are fat since they were little kids. But, I took care of myself and reached the age of 13 quite thin. One of my sisters was jealous and, for two whole days, she would starve me by taking my food away (!) claiming I had to be FOR PRECAUTIONS on diet. Ofc, this all happened while no witnesses were there. In the end, another sister took notice and stopped her. Conclusion: THOSE PEOPLE PROJECTIONS ARE BEYOND THIS WORLD! THEY ARE INSANELY DELUDED!

I'm 63 still dealing with my golden brother , my father recently died he emotionally abused me constantly, both my parents have left all of their inheritance to golden brother , I have only just found out, I have spent last 3 yrs caring for my mother, it's so isolating, I have been damaged for years, thanks so much for this , it's text book

@monicalarsson774

3 жыл бұрын

So feel for you....same here, my brother can do no wrong. X 💜

@fifthavenuegirl

3 жыл бұрын

me, too. It is so despicable they did that.

@ravenel2

2 жыл бұрын

Holy shit. That’s unbelievable. So sorry that happened to you.

@nicselectronics81

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same will happen in my family sister golden child will get everything 😕

I will never forget the hate in my father’s eyes when he was abusing me. The rest of his abuse was done behind ny back, manipulating other family members (& whomever would listen) against me. Truly sick.

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

Same with my mom. The eyes

Wow! This video made me cry. That's exactly my story! My sister who was the golden child still thinks everything that's wrong in the family is just me. I have crossed that line with my narcissistic family and my siblings who don't want to accept that my father is a narcissist or that they are exactly like him. Such a timely video. Thank you 💕

Yes they attack when no one s around . This is true they take what their unhappy with and project it unto you . The golden child isn’t all that happy even though they have everything. Because being rich doesn’t kill your insecurities. I came up with a solution a month ago my mom can replace me with my brothers girlfriend s since she likes them more . Because I know I’m a great person. There stuck in the past . My glow irritates people .what is healthy for me is distance

Spot on video. I had to go no contact after 53 years with my mother. I had to get her to start putting things in print. Wow the gaslighting, even in print. This really opened my eyes as I could revert back to all the gaslighting texts. I am finally starting the healing process.

@monicalarsson774

3 жыл бұрын

Same here.....

@TruckerNyaG

2 жыл бұрын

Wow same, thank God I'm 22 years old and noticed this abusive family dynamic very quick I live alone and I never been happier however I am planning on moving to a whole other state and leaving them clueless and I can't wait and I am going to take the steps to start healing. Thanks, and goodluck to you ❤️

@summerhill93

2 жыл бұрын

I found text helps a lot.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

@@TruckerNyaG be careful if things ever fall apart and you’re wanting to go back to them. Only ever go back if they’re sorry and have changed. I made that horrible mistake of going back to my family and it destroyed everything I had left, especially who I was before, my sense of self completely gone, barely able to maintain any friendships, and crippling social anxiety. I wish I hadn’t gone back but I truly didn’t understand how damaging it could ever be or how cruel they could be. It murdered a piece of my soul and it’s been so hard to be in the world ever since.

I was the scapegoat. The pain of what was done to me over my life was unbearable at times. Now they are trying to alienate me from one of my adult children. If you believe in Jesus, please will you pray that my son Joshua returns to us? Thank you, and blessings to everyone who had the agony of being tormented this way throughout their life 🙏💕

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

If he does praise God, if not leave him in God's hands with prayers, but don't allow his rebellion steal you're peace and joy. The more you focus on his rebellion and the pain he is causing you through his betrayal the more the Devil will use him as a tool to steal you're joy. You just gotta let him go and give him to God.

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME TOO. Praying for your Joshua and your reunion. Thank you for sharing, so I know I'm not alone. This is excruciating. It can't be put in words.

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

​@@Anointed1s_TVthank you for sharing, I was struggling with this exactly. Thank you. I needed advice.

For my mother I was both, a golden child in front of others and a scapegoat behind closed doors. Forced to be the best and mistreated for not living up to her expectations.

3 plus years I’m no contact with my family and all the extensions to them of friends and families .... they most probably think I’m dead by now 🤣.... never heard a word from them after I left And I never contacted them either... works well for everyone!

@chynnaurl

Жыл бұрын

My no content begins today.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

@@chynnaurl good luck to you. 💚

In my family the narcissistic parent would scape goat different children at different times and pretend to the other children that their syblin was the golden child .She would praise one of the children to there syblins especially if they had done something for her in order to divide the kids.They never praised any of us to our face. and they did this to turn the kids against each other. No one was shown love or care but because our mum would pretend that she was treating one of us better the others would hold grudges and believe that the other child was the golden child. In fact we all were treated badly but the bad feeling and the i had it worse than you mentality still divides the syblins even though they are now in their 70s. So the bad feelings and grudges orchestrated by our mum still causes damage.

@tiffanyfinley4834

Ай бұрын

Well said, I think I experienced this too

It’s really sad because when you understand the dysfunction of your parents but they don’t see it. When you try to explain things to them they still blame you. No matter how much you try to come to an understanding, you get blamed. The fact is no matter what you do... you’re never enough for them.. it hits you.. they don’t see your healing, all they see is a object to control. My brother was the golden child.

@RealBradMiller

2 жыл бұрын

Took the words right out of my mind. Except my brother and sister are the invisible children and our other sister is the golden child, for some reason. LOL

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Yeah. Never a care at all that you were hurt and are in pain, absolutely no desire to resolve the hurt feelings. And no qualms whatsoever with continuing to hurt you. I desperately wanted resolutions, like a part in my soul would die if things couldn’t be resolved, but no matter what I did or how I tried to approach it, it always backfired. It’s sad when you have to give up and walk away but if I was still in contact with them they would destroy me entirely until I killed myself. This realization helped me end things with them. It’s still so hard.

@age93

Жыл бұрын

@@tnijoo5109 same here. Destroyed myself trying to come to a resolution with my golden sister while she just sat in silence watching. Hover discard.

@vivdoolan6846

8 ай бұрын

Yes , it was the trying to resolve with the narc parents that nearly drove me insane. Then I learned about narcissism and it started to make sense . Radical acceptance that they would never see me or hear me allowed me to walk away. I was psychologically erased by them. It was so painful but in cutting contact there was some relief that I wasnt going to be gaslit anymore. It was also the acceptance that allowed me to heal over time. I was the scapegoat, then I was golden child then I was scapegoat as soon as I had a child and then later raised some family dynamic issues . They showed me the have no family values, the only dynamic is control and compliance and if you dont acquiesce ......you will be annihilated. I'm so glad I was strong enough to walk away. I have a lovely son and partner and our dogs got me through it. I'll never be the same again but I'm so much stronger now I've protected myself and healed.

Absolutely the most spot on video I’ve listened to yet regarding scapegoats. The mobbing mentality of “what’s wrong with her?” in order to escape their dysfunctional ways….

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Yes! So true!! As if the whole family should never be held accountable for anything they do and if you were hurt, it’s absolutely your fault for being too sensitive.

Wow, this is my parents exactly. Narc dad, and weak co-dependent mom. My father needed one female to step on because he secretly hated women (he picked me). His alcohol addiction and moodiness kept my mom on edge her whole life. I was their common enemy. But my mom was conflicted about it, and would occasionally try to encourage and support me, after I dropped out of college, and became depressed and unmotivated. When I was growing up, she had a habit of telling me to be quiet so my younger sister could have the floor. It always felt like a knife in my heart when she would do that. Now my younger sister compulsively dominates every conversation, and has little awareness what a cow she is in conversations.

I think I’m normal but i was brainwashed from such a young age. Very strong person who is fighting so hard not to drown and relocate across the country.

I was the oldest daughter and the scapegoat. My younger sister was the golden child. Now that we're both adults, it's very hard for me to convince her that many of our parents' doings were hurtful.

@true4585

11 ай бұрын

Very much in the same position. And you also learn that the “golden child” loves to be in favorable light with parents and will throw you under the rug. They do t care about you as much as you think. The betray is awful.

@BlushingRoseDiaries

8 ай бұрын

My sister is also the golden child but she is also a narc. She would ban together with my narc mother to attack me. My mom now passed and she literally became worse. I have no contact with her as a result of how awful she’s become

@bawillard2578

5 ай бұрын

U r fortunate this person still will have a relationship w you ,hopefully better then in past. My sister decided not to have any relationship with me for apx.40 years. She feeling I am a horrible person.. No matter jow many times I have reached out. Asked why do u not want a relationship...she wasn't able to answer or give me a reason..so sad.

Even if I don't see my family much anymore I realise I get into power struggles with a sister figure and want to prove myself. Does anyone else get this feeling of "I'll prove myself"? It can come up in a work situation even with very nice people but I see someone as the golden child, I want people to acknowledge me as well! So I mean I am working on all my issues and but that sibling stuff is there when I hadn't realised it before. I've noticed that the "I'l prove myself" thought is in itself a sign I'm getting triggered and need to tell myself I am enough.

Just starting to heal at 40 I pray I can build a happy life. My happiness and light was sucked out of me the whole time. I forgot what happy is.

@blueskiesforever114

2 жыл бұрын

Me too.. I’m late 50’s and realize I’ve been sucked dry .I have resentment from being the sharks feeding frenzy. It sucks

@EMVelez-qb1zu

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate, Dominic.

@santoparfano1910

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto...lots of resentment...

@yagerr4279

2 жыл бұрын

💜

@davidharris8192

2 жыл бұрын

You got this. Love yourself in the way you love others, and success is emminent.

Oh, haha, oh no, they don't like that. They need you to be blamed for all their terrible behaviour toward you. And they'll attack if you gain assertiveness. They'll destroy you. You can only heal away from them, in my opinion.

@ainahaga

Жыл бұрын

Can they get worse when Im healing and doing daily meditations?

@angelanicholson951

Жыл бұрын

@@ainahaga of course. No matter what you do, they'll try to stop it some how. That's why so many state we have to cut ourselves off from them, because once you let their kind in, they see that as a weakness, even if you stay away from them for decades and change to become stronger, they'll dive in where they left off all those years ago.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

This is so true, especially the idea that they attack when you try to assert your boundaries or have any boundaries at all. I had to block my mom on my phone because there’s just something in her that wants to destroy me, even though she loves me (as much as a narcissistic mother can love anyways). For her, I don’t think she consciously knows that she seeks to destroy me, so I’ve come to understand it’s not something that can ever be addressed or resolved because she’ll always be blind to her own actions and still always find a way to do the most hurtful things and act oblivious. But it definitely all came out when I tried to have healthy boundaries and tried to ask her to stop doing certain things. Maybe as a mother she feels it’s her right to hurt me or violate my boundaries. When I said I needed time to heal and my mental health was in jeopardy, she didn’t care. That’s when I finally began standing up for myself and it started the most painful traumatizing war I could have never imagined.

@ainahaga

Жыл бұрын

Tnijo what do you mean by traumatazing war?

@ainahaga

Жыл бұрын

my family has all big mental health issues. I see it cause I meditate, but they do not see anything, I hope I will figure out what to do...... My twinflame told me to meet averything with love, Im focusing on service on the time to come, cause then I know I will be safe and praying to get my daughter home........

During the 2 years I went no contact with my parents, my sister (the golden child) kept trying to convince me to talk to them again. I guess she didn't like filling up my role! :P

@nicselectronics81

3 жыл бұрын

That'll probably happen to me, she'll get ignored like I was my entire life.

Yep, the saddest part is that I used to trust my mom and now I realised that she was actually helping her "husband" to manipulate me.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Narcissistic mothers typically protect the one abusing you rather than protecting you. Took me years going through it before I learned it from a simple list of narcissistic mother traits. Jaw drop. That explained everything.

Thankyou for sharing 💜🗣️🗣️ They will always say, “ you’ve changed “ when they don’t want to and we start seeing them as they are while setting boundaries. Be aware, they will double down on ALL the tactics while ganging up on you indirectly and directly and behind you. They will gather up anything and everything to make sure we “ look” like we are the problem instead of actually doing what needs to happen in order to have true change, peace, truth ect

Brother was golden child . Father never hugged nor ever told me he loved me . Scapegoat child is left often to figure life out , on their own . Scapegoat is given no guidance, direction , nurturing and mentoring . Parental behavior is learned generational .

it took me until i was 62 to walk away from my family abusers, don't wait, it's ok to take yourself out of the picture.... they will continue to use you as their scapegoat without your presence

Stand strong fellow scapegoats

Oh the toxic family khows you are doing way better than them, that’s why they hate your guts even more now. Cutting them out (either completely or emotionally) is the ONLY way up 💪❤️

As someone that had dealt with being a scapegoat and a horrible life for a long time, one thing that REALLY helped me not need my family’s approval to accept I wasn’t the problem was to dive into a hobby I was really good at (even one that the golden child was said to be better at) and it made me feel really good about myself. When I do see these family members, I will talk about it without wanting any feedback because I’m simply telling them how gifted I am, how happy I am, and their thoughts at that moment don’t matter. It’s a good tip for anyone starting this journey.

@CobraDove1111

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!

That saying, “Out of sight, out of mind” used to apply to my narc family. Now, they can be in PLAIN sight and OUT of mind. I suppose that’s the true measure of the healing. By not even bringing their abuse onto the screen of my mind, I can endure being with them much better. Thank you, Michele.

I believe it to be THE TRUTH that they reject. The ‘ chosen’ scapegoat holds the truth and reality they refuse and deny. We cannot accept or be ourselves without truth. This is why they lie.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Exactly! We are chosen and anointed by God.

My mother does this exact behaviour she puts me down daily bases. The sense of worthlessness I feel when I'm around her is so scary, I automatically transform into that 8 years old girl trying to do everything in my power to receive her love.

This is really interesting I just came to the realization that I was a scapegoat in my biological family but I also ended up being the scapegoat in my husband's family as well. That explains why I've always felt that if I express myself it's not okay but when others Express themselves in the family it's completely fine.

@victoriasage7

2 жыл бұрын

Yes same here… funny how it repeats…

@starlingswallow

Жыл бұрын

Same here.😢

You just described my life for 67 years. Finally 12 years ago I said I had enough and my family cut me off. Praise God they saved my life by pushing me out to reclaim mine.

This is one of the most incredible explanations, this is EXACTLY my experience, like 100%, thank you so much ❤️ I’ve lost my whole family this year through the lies and manipulation of my mother. So sorry to anyone reading this who is going through it too, don’t give up, life will get better x

@starseeds8121

8 ай бұрын

Trying not to give up and hope life will get better for me.

@ambermichelle5048

7 ай бұрын

So did I, it’s so messed up

I have always been smart, and I think I realized at a young age that I had somehow been put up on a pedestal to be mocked and ridiculed by everyone, like I served that function in the family. I learned to accept it thinking that I must have been chosen because I am so strong and so loving. My family is full of shame from all the bad things they have done to me and they love projecting it onto me. There is no joy, no fun ever to be had around them. I am always in trouble for something. My self esteem was completely destroyed by decades of being gaslit by those who were supposed to love me. I come from a family of bullies. They will literally recruit a perfect stranger off the street and try to get them to gang up on me. So happy to be celebrating nearly 1 year of no contact. I am exhausted and so sleepy, which is good because it means I am finally allowing myself to heal.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Great job. I learned that it's a demonic spirit. They can't influence everyone though, some people can see through the toxicity. However, once you leave they will choose another scapegoat.

This video finally made me realize why my mom could be so bubbly and pleasant in public, but such a nightmare once we got home. She would litterally scream at me after every social event about how i embarrassed her and how she is ashamed of me. I never realized that this behavior of hers caused me to develop a public persona as well who never spoke ill of her and always manouvered in a manner that made her appear like she had the perfect mother-daughter relationship with me. To this day, i still have trouble talking about what really happened becuase the guilt of speaking ill of my mom is just so strong.

Yes! "I don't need their stamp of approval "...Exellent advice!!!! Thank you!

I am the eldest of 3 girls, the Scapegoat. I feel like you just read my life story back to me. And yes , I've always believed something in me was innately bad, wrong... SINFUL. Thank you for confirming that I am NOT. I've went no contact (years ago) & this may sound weird but.... they're STILL HERE. I've only just started on a journey of healing and I hope and pray that I can somehow make them go away. If that makes any sense whatsoever....

@jeanneeber

3 жыл бұрын

How can you be "No Contact" but say they're "still here"? That makes no sense! Did you expect them to move? To leave? If you're no contact-THATS enough!

@ravenel2

2 жыл бұрын

Don’t attack her. Everyone knows that narcissists stay in the thoughts. Why so vicious to a stranger about her own family and feelings?

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

I really feel for you. I’m the same. I always felt that I was a walking “BAD” and that I didn’t deserve to eat or breathe. That started when I was very young. We were the best people in our family. How evil is a parent or two parents to terrorize, hate and destroy their child? Very. It was THEM. Not YOU. Please remember that!

@christar9527

2 жыл бұрын

@@jeanneeber Are you really that dense? She’s saying that the memories of what they did to her are still with her and I know that those are extremely hard to shake.🙄

@suselperez2409

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes these vile narc personalities love to troll the videos and pick on those in the comments. Not naming any names!

I am the scapegoat I am always told I am "too sensitive" i'm overreacting, I "care too much" When I do as i'm told, I am rewarded It's all about performance all the time, even during family diners etc I am starting to think my mom is secretly jealous of me and wants to punish me for it My dad, who is a workaholic, no emotions whatsoever, is never proud no matter what I do My sister is very successful and is my mom's favorite child she is probably a narcissist but I think that secretly she suffers from the whole situation Everytime I try to find support outside of my family I fail, because I just ask for too much too soon, especially with men With friends it's easier but I never see them enough in my opinion The only times I ever felt happy growing up was when I was at friends' houses

@erikalarsson

5 ай бұрын

Same here ❤

@lesleyofferhall8133

2 ай бұрын

Sounds exactly like my childhood!

This is so so true. And then the siblings become flying monkeys and carry on and on with it and when you turn your back on them they still try to persecute you. And unless you get healing you will attract every narcissist that happens to be around.

My dad and I were having an argument one day about how difficult he was a parent and he accused me of lying. I was shocked when my sibling suddenly said, "No, Dad, it's the truth. It was just like they said." We were both over 50 years old. We are very supportive of each other now.

I was the scapegoat of my family since I was a child. Thank you for putting out this video.

@mlindsay3133

Жыл бұрын

"That's just how it is"...lol

This really hits home and only you could send a message so well Thank you Michele If you are a season you are the spring

Man... It's almost...unbearably exhausting in a way people who haven't gone through it won't understand. Just a constant emotional burnout because the narcs in your family see you making any progress or having the audacity to be happy and feel the need to tear you down in any way they can to keep you as their emotional dumping ground. Combine this with learned helplessness and it's a constant battle between just giving up and trying to survive. If you can get out, please do as fast as you can. I'm still trying to find my own feet.

1:00 "They don't want to see you in a different light." Amen, I'm probably nearly twice your age, woman, at 47, but thank you for putting this one out because it's exactly why I went through during some peeking times in my 20s. Looking back, the siblings hardly reached out to me. It was set up an advance if you go with the narcissistic scapegoat theory

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Wow, that’s a really good point- that it was set up in advance. That just clarified a whole bunch of things for me. Thank you.

How on earth have you just so succinctly described my very current place within my healing journey?! 🙏😌❣️ thank you so much for this huge validation that i know is my truth (regardless of anyone else’s opinion) ✌️❤️

"Work on your Triggers". Really hard to do but worth it.

I moved to another state away from three older siblings, both parents and many adult nieces and nephews. I stayed away for seven years until I went back for my father's funeral. My mother and siblings(and their adult trained children)tried to put me right back in the scapegoat role. I didn't fall in line and they became angrier and angrier the longer I was there. I arrived the day before the funeral and left the day after.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Truth

This spoke so well to my soul. Finally, someone gets it. I cried hearing this video because I’m in the middle of figuring out how to get away from my family. How to cut ties with my family but at the same time I was conditioned since the age of 14 to not be capable of earning money to support myself. My narcissistic father would ruin the courage within me and my first steps to earn money for myself because it’s a threat for him to see me do better for myself and someday leave my parents.

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

This is what narcissistic families do. You’ve not been supported to function in the world. It’s like you have to figure everything out on your own. But once you get out there and you’re working a job and making money things will get better for you. There’s supportive people out there. I’m rooting for you! You’ve got this! You can do it! Good luck to you!! 💚🌈🌸

When the scapegoat realizes that there is nothing wrong with them and starts to do well in life, that's when the abuse gets ramped up a few notches. I was experiencing this from my family. I thought that if I did well the family would be proud of me, but they were the opposite. Then I would work every weekend and save up to buy more properties and other investments only for the family to find out and become very jealous. The golden child would become furious and make up false accusations then spread them around the family. Finally I completely cut off ties with them and am slowly realizing that I am ok and don't need to prove anything anymore. Many self made millionaires could have the same story. It's still difficult to be content and live with serenity. I am cursed with seeking self value.

@Anointed1s_TV

Ай бұрын

Seek God's validation. Only God's validation matters.

5:00 you mentioned the triangulation thing and I agree with it, for the most part. But here's the twist to me about The Golden child...their narccists IN TRAINING and they're HAPPY to be so. The same people who whined about Mommy and Daddy are their biggest allies in attacking me now and I have no love for those folks at all nowadays.

I believe the scapegoat child is usually the smart one, stubborn and not easily manipulated by narc parents. I noticed toxic patterns in my family for years and my family didn’t like that.

The only guilt I feel now is that I enjoyed watching them all fall apart so quickly after I outgrew them. My biggest regret is not cutting them off before I sunk to their level.

10:30 "For The sibling to see that there's something NOT wrong with you would hat they would have to look at SOMEBODY." Bingo. Thanks for saying it. Always thought I brushed it off properly, but the stuff eats away at you for decades until you finally deal with it. I don't mean in a therapy way like deep therapy, but in the lightest way that you have to admit that it actually happened!

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!! Thanks for the time stamp. That was really good to listen to again.

Go no contact. Whenever doubt arises (which it will) just keep remembering what this family has done to you and plans to continue doing to you, no matter how much you change, heal and progress, all so they can feel better than you, and better about themselves. They are essentially leveraging your soul for their own gains at your expense. Now how much do you want to go and hang out with these people and pretend everything is really O.K? Also, dont let the guilt trip of being an uncle or aunty to your niece and nephews be a catalyst for association. Those children are being groomed to treat you like the scapegoat too. They may understand one day and come to you for your side of the story, and they may not, but this is the way it is, and its not your fault it is so.

It brakes me that it had nothing to do with me then but has everything to do with me now!! Clarity is key !! Thank You ❤️

Or jealousy, I'm the only daughter, and was born sensitive. My mother treated me differently than my brothers. I was bullied, belittled, ignored and made fun of. The brothers were coddled and "loved." I'm a grown woman, I don't know who I am, what I want and am still trying to recover.

Good news is - we are all waking up !!! Love it - FREE is good ! Evil is dumb & it is evil to crush another person. BRAVO !!! STANCE !! blessing all.......everyone matters.

The golden child is the person they wish they could be. The scapegoat is the one that has the traits they don't like about themselves. POWERFUL stuff and explains so much.

This is so accurate. As a goat, I didn't know what was happening to me. Everything I did was wrong, so I felt confused. I just couldn't understand why my brothers were all treated so much better than me. My dad's the narc, and I didn't know it. I had two step moms, both of which were enablers. I didn't realize that as she (the first) was outwardly nice, but really just pulling for her kid while the next step-mom was openly contemptuous; putting me down at every opportunity. Calling my stingy dad "generous". My half-brothers who have been given houses, education, luxury cars, vacations and me nothing. They play dumb. The second step-mom was openly a jerk. She said her two sons were better looking and smarter than me, while I was taller and had a girlfriend who became my wife. I had to break all relationship with my dad's family because it was just constant put-downs, and playing dumb. Even when I discovered about gaslighting and narcissism, they played dumb. My dad pretends to be a kindly doctor to the world, but he's threatened to kill me and others. I just stay away and am so much happier. Hope all of you who were the goat are doing great too!

From what I’ve seen in my situation it’s not just the family that abuses the scapegoat the other narcissist’s in my life is treating me this way. Thank you for sharing this and opening up my eyes. 🙏🤗❤️

@tnijoo5109

Жыл бұрын

Narcissists are drawn to abused people. They can sense it in us. And were the only ones who put up with a bunch of red flags early on most normal people would walk away from. It’s hard to learn that. The best advice I got was to pretend you were a friend of yours and she’s telling you about someone she met it is in a relationship and if you would tell her to get out or not. What we would never expect another person to out up with, we often feel actually guilty for not putting up with it ourselves. So, just always ask yourself if another person were in your shoes, what would you think. That’s been helpful for spotting narcissists and makes ending things easier, without feeling guilty for rejecting them. Hope that helps you. Good luck.

Crazy me and my twin brother have two different stories. My mom is narcissistic and my dad was abusive and my brother is now a weak man smh