Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how utterly heartbreaking daily life is for scapegoated people. Feeling like an orphan constantly, going through life battling with thoughts of ‘I’m bad’ in every situation. It’s almost unbearable.

@theonejokeking3191

11 ай бұрын

The loneliness.

@chriscampbell6272

10 ай бұрын

It isn't almost unbearable. Ot os unbearable.

@velveetaslingshot

10 ай бұрын

Almost? It is unbearable. But they have never beat me. Im still standing.

@matwix1

9 ай бұрын

Absolutely! I literally felt like an orphan my whole childhood! And when growing I tried to find an explanation, e.g.: maybe I was a baby switched by mistake in the hospital... That's ridiculous, but I tried to figure out why my mom doesn't love me and treats me like an enemy...

@scarlettjoy9561

9 ай бұрын

@@matwix1 wow, yes. i've always believed i must have been switched at birth because there's no way i have the dna of these people. i'm 57. i've never been loved by anyone. people will tell me that i'm wrong about that but i'm not. 57 years of torture. thanks "mother".

Scapegoats escape and isolate themselves in their rooms as children reading, writing, drawing, creating their own world until they can go to another country or far away for college, work, teaching, adventure, love or just peace.

@Kelcifur

3 жыл бұрын

Wowwwww me

@naturefleur2062

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely true for me. My mother can “enjoy” the world she creates for herself. I live a life of security and fulfillment now.

@faviolafikir2181

3 жыл бұрын

Sooo me!

@firehorse9996

3 жыл бұрын

Bonjour from France!

@rm1558

3 жыл бұрын

Wtf this is me…..but I can’t go for studies abroad as my parents won’t allow that, never even ask or talk about that because we (me and my siblings) already know the answer will always be a big “No”

My aunt may she rest in peace refused to allow me to feel worthless. She knew how I was being treated and she treated me with love and kindness.

@renzlo9747

Жыл бұрын

Was this aunt attacked by your parents aswell or was she somehow isolated from you. I am the scapegoat and my narc brothers children are lost.. i cant inform nor help them

@michelej9496

Жыл бұрын

My aunt was attacked by them, for five years I was isolated from her, I am the black sheep/scapegoat. The environment and any situation we can't control may cause trauma, if you can't reach them then that might not be your calling. Find your gift. ☮️

@kaylaschroeder1

Жыл бұрын

😭❣️

@emmalouie1663

Жыл бұрын

My aunt is the opposite, she is close with my mother and I get to be the black-sheep. My mother still has two living siblings she has her sister and her brother. My brother died of an intentional drug overdose. My mother said my brother was a "low-life." My mother never should have had children, she must have known after the first one that she hated children and yet she did it twice.

@dustymcpherson986

Жыл бұрын

It's saddening when angels like your aunt pass while these scumbag narcissists live.

I was "the quiet one" as a child. Not just because I was shy (or bared the weight of undiagnosed autism,) but because anything I said was shot down, made fun of, contradicted, or somehow landed me in trouble. I would go for weeks without speaking and then get made fun of or chastised for being so quiet. Being a scapegoat means being continually trapped in a no-win mind game.

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

Sorry about what you went thru... I think I might be on the spectrum myself.. how did you discover you had autism and what type is it ?

@tillykelp6340

Жыл бұрын

Same here. I'm 63 and was not that long ago told "you have always been strange". I suspect that I am on the lower end of ASD. Had the same experience of being made fun of, derided for everything I did or didn't do and shot down at every opportunity. My father would walk in the door after work most nights, look at me and start venting at me. Could never win and still can't.

@brandivolpe

Жыл бұрын

@@tillykelp6340 Yes! I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.

@dsoule4902

Жыл бұрын

Some are just damned. Condemned. Never accepted or respected by people we certainly don't respect, and whom we don't much like anyway.

@palomalopez8179

Жыл бұрын

I am PAC, I was an excelent student, it is imposible that they did not notice it, but they were always calling me estupid.

You truly HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE but to CREATE something for yourself when you're in a narcissistic family. The power of the internet and our phones can literally be life changing. I hope anyone reading this turns their pain into their power to have a better future and life.

@athena3865

Жыл бұрын

Wish I had it 50 years ago.

@dustymcpherson986

Жыл бұрын

What did you do?

@ladyb7327

11 ай бұрын

🫂

@MrErlendFS

9 ай бұрын

any advice on how to CREATE it? struggling with just randomly passing by days. have started eating more healthily, drink way less (drugs are a hard no) and try to learn things, but i feel so empty.

@ALofiLife

9 ай бұрын

@MrErlendFS you're on the right path with those choices. Be proud of every single step. For me, I started a podcast. I was able to reflect on my life while also creating content that can help others in difficult situations as well.

As a former scapegoat I can tell this guy means the world to all people struggling with CPTSD because of narcisistic parents

@MJ-wrty

3 жыл бұрын

I love how you said " FORMER scapegoat!!" You took your power back ! 👍👏😊

@jessmci2742

3 жыл бұрын

Same.

@merrill5780

2 жыл бұрын

100 % This man is so helpful!

@cheryldailing2439

2 жыл бұрын

So triggered even at 54 due to her behavior this week. This is sanity saving

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

over 600 videos of abuse evidence going back to when I was 8.majority of the 600 videos happened within the last fee months.But yet I am still struggling to get justice and removed from the home.I want to get emancipated I after a while I'll be 16.

Somehow, deep down, I always knew that I was a good person. I have no idea how I was able to hold onto that, but somehow I was, and I am deeply grateful for little me's strength. What a brave little girl she was.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

For sure.

@gigiarmany4332

6 ай бұрын

well done..bravo❤️🖤

@hotmomma1552

5 ай бұрын

This is me2 , my parents treated me like was a terrible problematic nobody. But I knew I was the good one , and they were bad.

@starseeds8121

5 ай бұрын

@@hotmomma1552 same thing happened with me.

@juliekswanson

5 ай бұрын

Same for me. Thankfully little me knew my mother was a bad person for how awful she was and I’ve never been plagued with the “I’m bad” feelings many have. I isolate though. I just don’t trust people to be kind or to do the right thing.

I was either used as.A punch bag, verbally attacked or completely ignored for days on end, which is worse than the other abuses. Best thing I ever did was cut ties with my parents in my twenties.

@reesedaniel5835

2 жыл бұрын

@Weevil Same here except my covert narc mother would throw a tantrum if I ever cleaned the house or kitchen because it made her look bad (for not doing it most of the time). Also when she cooked and I wanted to learn how by watching or helping her she would yell at me to "go on/go away/go outside" etc. Basically to get out of her hair. She never taught me one single thing. What little I did learn was from me paternal grandparents who genuinely loved me. They were the only 2 people in my entire family on both sides who truly cared about me. I remember my narc mother sounding "gleeful" on the phone when she called to excitedly tell me my grandfather had died. And she NEVER called me for any other reason, only to tell me when someone died. I was expected to do all the calling. And after my grandmother died a few years later, I began to realize that I was born a sheep amongst wolves. Just as Jesus told us in the Bible: "Behold, I send you forth (from the womb) as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." Matthew 10:16 The narcissists are the wolves/serpents and we are the sheep of God. Two separate seedlines at "enmity with each other" in Genesis 3:15. They keep us in the dark about being in this war because it gives THEM the advantage. However, it was all in the Bible all along, we just didn't notice it or search for it. And they sure as heck didn't point it out to us. King David in the Book of Psalms went through the same exact abuse. The entire book of Psalms is about narcissistic abuse but they are called "workers of iniquity" instead. Most of the "churches" are ran by the narcissists so they hide the Truth from us on purpose.

@hopeoutsidetheusa1888

2 жыл бұрын

@@reesedaniel5835 Wow....I have had similar things with my covert narcissistic dad. Everytime he would cook a steak, I wanted to learn by watching, but he would say "Don't hover, go away." He still does my laundry for me, and I'm almost 24. Even my past counselor said that's not normal. You are right about the Bible though, there are tons of verses in the Psalms about narcissistic abuse (& gangstalking). How David hid in caves from Saul trying to kill him. I used to have to drive 40 minutes away from my city just to sleep in my car because of multiple home invasions. And the Messiah also said "and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ -Matthew 10:36. I am trying to escape my toxic parents and be independent. I hope we can all escape from our families soon.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

@@hopeoutsidetheusa1888 Amen,

@dsoule4902

Жыл бұрын

@@hopeoutsidetheusa1888 you'll get out on your own. You'll build your own life, and will be blessed with wonderful, beautiful friends who love you. They'll love you just because

@jenniferlau200

9 ай бұрын

Exactly how I feel

I went to college at 18, and my mom berated me for “showing off”. I moved 7 states away and visit rarely since my entire family believes her lies about me. I’m now 53 and finally understand why I struggled with self worth - THANK YOU, JAY!

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

I know. All you can do is pity them. This just in, I wonder if that is the genesis behind the axiom, "The best revenge is living well."

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

Yea.. self worth is a real issue.

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

I'm uplifted to realize that so many people around my age (I'm 52) have 'awakened' to their upbringing. Something must have shifted recently, for us all to start coming aware of and healing our pasts.

@user-mq8bh5jz6j

Жыл бұрын

I’m turning 65 in a couple of months and have finally discovered what the heck this terrible abuse I was going through as a scapegoat really did to me! I’m finally freeing myself from this trauma!

@karenmalach2797

9 ай бұрын

It's horrible. I have nothing to do with my family.

This is so excellent. I was a scapegoated child and the process is so relentless and goes on for a lifetime with the whole family. It is a tour de force simply to survive. I did become uncommonly observant and intuitive about reading others in the family. I needed to escape my world but couldn't. I found another world in books and in my own imagination.

@valeriegonzalez6629

3 жыл бұрын

That was how 8 escaped.while living with an imaginary identity on the minds of all the rest of the family, respectively.

@lemonspring6425

3 жыл бұрын

When I was at home, I used to talk to myself in private for hours about imaginary stories I had created in my head. And for most of the days I was lost in my daydreams. I was called - the lost girl, at home

@saxongreen78

3 жыл бұрын

I just recently burned every single photograph and excommunicated every single member of my family (except children, who are ever welcome.) 42yo. I have never felt so free and blessed!

@RippleDrop.

3 жыл бұрын

Same here.

@Layla-fr7mf

3 жыл бұрын

Wow same here I would isolate myself in my room and learn astrology, read, write and draw until I could plan to leave for college to the other side of the world which I did even for grad school and now work. Most scapegoats ESCAPE

My mother was jealous bc everyone said I was beautiful when I was a baby. She breast fed me until I was 5 and fed me high calorie junk food at the same time ! By 3 I was morbidly obese, By 6 or 7 I developed insulin issues and other health issues. She told the doctors she fed me healthy food and that I had tantrums if she didn’t feed me. I don’t remember that at all. She just always fed me junk and diet soda. Worst part is she knew what she was doing. She was and still is a Nurse Practitioner… she always knew better. As I got older .. I would starve myself to lose weight. It was easy as she was checked out mentally by then ( bc that’s when I needed her most lol) I would try to exercise at home but was told I was shaking the house and disturbing people ( not possible) I begged for a gym membership and was told no ( although my parents had plenty of money). They would sabotage any of my weight loss attempts. My mother even lied to my therapists over the years and said I was crazy and violent just so they wouldn’t believe me if I spoke about her. By my teens I met a horrible older guy and my mom let him move it( right after her and dad divorced) . I never got to develop into my own person. This man picked up where my dad left off. He and my mother enjoyed mocking me together. After he hit me with a chain and cut open my forehead .. my mother said I must piss him off like I piss her off. She implied I deserved it and told him to take a walk and cool off. Any proper mother would have called the cops. I had my daughter and realized I couldn’t put her through this. I got away from him ( took over a year) and lost weight and now my mother denies all she did. I’m just proud I broke this cycle😀🙏🏻❤️

@NT-is8pv

2 жыл бұрын

I’m still learning who I am but no one can tell me who I am anymore and that has changed my life completely. I will never regret removing toxic people from my life.

@Notyourgirl253

8 ай бұрын

❤️I feel for you and your story. My mother was also jealous of me for some reason. She tore me down every morning before school so I’d leave the house feeling ugly. She made fun of my sports and would try to take them away. She turned all my family away from me. The only time in my life they were satisfied was when I was married to a horribly abusive man. After he hit our son, we left. I was homeless for a few week until I could get into an apartment and my parents supported him. They continued to support him and his new girlfriend just weeks after our 10 year marriage. I’ve broken no contact and am talking to them now but I’m working on a plan to cut them off again. I’m 42 and my dad put me in a tailspin yesterday saying that my entire life has been crap.

@libiya_sheikh

8 ай бұрын

This is so similar to my story but im currently 16 and I'm starving myself and its working so far ive lost about 15kgs and its only been a month

@Amylyn..

8 ай бұрын

I'm sorry honey... glad you found the strength to break free of your hell ❤❤❤❤ I broke contacts with my family years ago (damn near same here)❤❤❤ I'm glad this video found us safe❤❤❤

@Amylyn..

8 ай бұрын

​@@libiya_sheikhbaby I'm 50 as of next week and this video is the first that explains this strange abuse so clearly.... ❤❤ glad you found this video at 16 and not at my age ❤❤❤ stay safe and get away the minute you can ❤❤❤❤

This is my life from the day I inhaled oxygen! I had to just disconnect completely! My religious beliefs, my husband ,and my children have helped me survive. Thank you for these videos. I've always felt so ALONE. Its so sad to realize that this happens to others.

@jessicanolenlmt3210

3 жыл бұрын

💞

@narcshark5792

3 жыл бұрын

Exact same here, Suzanne.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

Same

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

over 600 videos of abuse evidence going back to when I was 8.majority of the 600 videos happened within the last fee months.But yet I am still struggling to get justice and removed from the home.I want to get emancipated I after a while I'll be 16.

@snowbear1877

2 жыл бұрын

Me too.

My parents could never fully convince me I was worthless because I failed to fail. It took me so many years to figure out they thought I was an idiot, which makes no sense because I'm clearly not :/ Turns out none of them have any idea who I really am.

@MzBAnthony

2 жыл бұрын

Same for me every word..and the lack intelligence

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

I got punished regularly for failing to fail. After healing, now I just laugh. But: I blazed the trail for my youngest brother's safety. He was very odd but genius in a way, and escaped abuse. The best revenge is living well.

@susantomkins8798

2 жыл бұрын

Years ago I told my parents about my promotion at work.I was 50 years old at the time. My father responded angrily that would be fine until they "realise how stupid you are". He also said how I had stopped someone else from getting the job who would actually be able to do the job "properly". This was a turning point in my insight into my toxic upbringing.

@taraarrington2285

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear. The family doesn't know the scapegoat, they only know their projections on you.

@stanleydrive740

Жыл бұрын

I understand! My mom did not want to know me. Only needed me to play the role she assigned to, the outcast. And it was never safe to just be my own real self.

Scapegoats are always searching for validation.....And yes, the parent will go at them with both guns blazing when the child shows too much pride in their accomplishments.....

@KrysGrant-ey1xl

7 ай бұрын

Omg this is exactly how my adopted parents treat me

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

We do tend to always be searching for validation for some reason.

@G2thesecondpower

2 ай бұрын

All the searching for validation and never being sure of yourself. Can't tell you how long I went through that. It took the end of my marriage with a covert narcissist to finally see the baggage I was carrying. I don't need that kind of validation for mothers anymore. I just give it to myself!

Every day was like survival. A botched suicide attempt wasn't seen as a cry for help but as bringing reproach on the family name in a small community.

@lisagrace6471

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh, exactly. I totally get that. Can empathize.

@glad5324

Жыл бұрын

J'ai vécu ça aussi, ma tentative de suicide a 14 ans a empiré ma situation

@glad5324

Жыл бұрын

Same here

@gingerbrown2353

Жыл бұрын

I left at 19, joined the army put myself through college through a master’s degree. Had a very respectable career, adopted two kids . . . My mother said I needed to be “humbled” my dad told me to take a good hard look in the mirror and that he guaranteed me I wouldn’t like what I saw. But my mom now cries and says she hopes I get the help I need. She’s 94. I’m 70. This fucks with me every god damned day of my miserable life with them. It’s multiplied by 4 siblings.

@scarlettjoy9561

9 ай бұрын

yup.

At almost 57 I can verify that this doesn't end when you finally make it to legal adulthood, and can leave. One way or another you can be that scapegoat for life.

@kelleyhyde643

3 жыл бұрын

@Andrea I got away on a sense but I have an old friend from work, who just moved out of his family's house, told them he'd had enough ...he'd been putting up with severe beatings for years

@kelleyhyde643

3 жыл бұрын

It will take awhile, just adapting to a less mean world...lol it took me years to quit sleeping in my shoes lol

@MzBAnthony

2 жыл бұрын

Yes through the smear campaign they will always find a way to throw their hangups on to you

@victoriousjoy9338

Жыл бұрын

But you can move away at least and find people who care.

@victoriousjoy9338

Жыл бұрын

@@kelleyhyde643 If he's 18, he can move out. And why not?nor??

As the former scapegoat child in a very sick narcissistic family, I can say that this is the most informative and accurate description of the scapegoat I have seen. Great channel - subscribed. Thank You Dr. Reid!

@lynny5510

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. I completely agree. It is so spot on.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

over 600 videos of abuse evidence going back to when I was 8.majority of the 600 videos happened within the last fee months.But yet I am still struggling to get justice and removed from the home.I want to get emancipated I after a while I'll be 16.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

I have well over 1,010 videos now And have been making reports but it hasn't worked out how I expected it to I emailed some of the wrong departments. (PRT1 CHANNEL) (MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along) kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2 (MY DAD's insanity🌟) kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW (MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND) kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56 (MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in anything she she is a narcissist Enabler cause of all the abuse my mom took her though) kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl (Videos in correct order prt1 channel) Videos in correct order: kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr (THE FILES OF 52 PRT2 CHANNEL) School social worker called home went left sep25: kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da8M7xiOKrpErGZoyIncDHef Social services situation: kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da-ukQTlhX4afOPF2UTskVLS (My mom's abuse 2) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da9tN6gRiUv2ENfX_9MNOmhZ (Steve's abuse 2) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da8lHtFO11rbYZGOi-M6Kv3F (My sisters narcissist enabling) My sisters enabling 2: kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da-UcU5yFKr-BTpokm-qgkP3 (Situation with getting a job so I can save up) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da9s_1gFEfK9dtl5LG2KtZy8 (This is why I have to watch my surroundings the playlist is dedicated To my family l telling life threatening lies on me) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da9jHyjFYnM5mEF1c1x-8QNg (The dog situation.Steve's extreme animal abuse) 1.kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHwn6Y3z87EWmNfCcYrKDswI (steves animal abuse prt2) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da-zvxKtIRTSDqHsrXEWURvG (My family say I'm disrespectful and never clean up 2) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da9okWytM9pihLSpXcZIuJfu (Prt1) I get accused of never cleaning up or paying attention to how the house looks: kzread.info/head/PLnIepZjMetHzGguacJjuheBZTLNrmpbAb (The ongoing lie my mom made up in 2016 that I don't shower) kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da86z7XOV4uTsdkH2_aFye8F Steve making a scene outside: kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da_3dDSZJ7MG7OExJmjg8PwZ Narcissist acting crazy in the car: kzread.info/head/PLWoUsQs03da_aGLVkhvxQujnbBdZRCVi_ (PRT3 CHANNEL) oct25,7:14AM:steve crying and pretending he was gonna go kill himself see description kzread.info/dash/bejne/qXV2yq2NntSZmKw.html I have to debate to lay down and get up 3: kzread.info/head/PL_NDYHe99ciQyro_zNgPTFvbRa7EaWVbJ

I’m 53 and you have just explained my relationship with my Family.

@russellm7530

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 53 and me too.

@jessmci2742

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 35 and never know there was a name for it . 🙈

@darylkik6204

2 жыл бұрын

51 before I had my "AHA" moment and every odd thing in my family made sense.

@merrill5780

2 жыл бұрын

58 and now see why I hated myself my entire life.

@tjradmila

2 жыл бұрын

And how are you surviving that ? Are you still in a contact ?

Annhilation and abandonment- exactly! The damage is so severe, and for me, it was held against me by my parents-the damage they inflicted on me! And then by a community who saw the damage (and neglect) and did nothing or bullied and rejected me. I was an innocent child who needed to be cared for, but instead I survived on my own. Now in my 50’s I only feel safe at home away from people.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I understand about only feeling safe away from people.

@YagirlM

7 ай бұрын

💯

THIS IS BRILLIANT! My MOTHER had to reassure EVERYONE who befriended me how she was a "VICTIM" of ME!

@CristinaAcosta

2 жыл бұрын

Mine too!!! Even years after I moved 1,000 miles away.

@elvenleaf5589

2 жыл бұрын

Same!

@juliekeener9730

Жыл бұрын

I am sorry that was your experience😥 Me too... FINALLY went NO CONTACT and escaped(3 states away) last year🙌💪 I'm grateful to have peace and safety for the first time in my life🙏 I hope the same for all of you💛

@joban4963

Жыл бұрын

When I finally got enough stuff together to leave, my mother told the entire extended family that I was a dangerous right wing terrorist and was plotting to murder her. That was the explanation she gave for me abandoning everything I couldn't fit on a bicycle and disappearing to the other side of the country. These people are insane and evil.

@ibabechanel

Жыл бұрын

While I was staying at HER house, she told the entire neighbourhood that if anything happened to her, they should hold me responsible.

Part of me still can't accept this.That part still believes I'm just exaggerating and being a cry baby. My siblings still see me as the "mean" one who always talked back and can't understand why these things happened. I still feel I don't belong. I've never been seen as confident or even acknowledged as a human being. Luckily I've chosen to live regardless of how painful it is healing at times. I have my own place and I finally feel safe to face these events.

@jefferyc4763

3 жыл бұрын

We were brainwashed into thinking we're overreacting, can't take a joke, making things up, hypersensitive, delusional, etc If you're the family empath.. you know things aren't right with your family from a very early age. This truth is flipped as they Triangulate against you and convince you that something's wrong with us.

@juice_wink

3 жыл бұрын

@@jefferyc4763 it's so unfortunate because these are the same ppl that should celebrate change and individuality. The family, as I'm sure most of us can relate to, has generation after generation of trauma and hurt. I didn't ask to have to carry and subsequently be forced to break that curse. Although I understand much of why things are the way they are and that I chose to step away from that, I'm still not past the pain of realizing it wen all I wanted was to feel loved and understood by those closest to me. It's even more difficult with my family because EXTREMELY close and enmeshed even outside of immediate family.

@jefferyc4763

3 жыл бұрын

@@juice_wink Years ago, before I knew what was really going on and viewed myself as the *evil one*. I vowed to break the chain by deciding to not have any progeny. If I thinking I'm evil can decide to take action to protect others from being hurt... I don't understand how a previous generation couldn't decide to take some kind of stand. However, they're intentionally malicious and that's a state of mind that I Never want to understand.

@juice_wink

3 жыл бұрын

@@jefferyc4763 you're absolutely right. I understand the feeling. I do hope I'm able to release this frustration/anger soon because I know it isn't for me to understand and I'm solely to keep moving forward in my life, yet those thoughts linger here and there. How and why be comfortable in those emotions wen we know how close true LIFE and HAPPINESS is within grasp!?!? There's no way.

@jefferyc4763

3 жыл бұрын

@@juice_wink More of the World is under the same influence of evil as they are then I'd like to admit. It's kind of depressing to pull the head out of the sand and see things clearly and without *rose tinted fantasy glasses* My goals are to help others in need to see clearly. Be aware of my surroundings to avoid future entanglements. Finally, to trust God and know that the joys of Eternity will make this painful trek.. worthwhile. Merry Christmas 🤗

This is bang on. They definitely monitor you, take notes, and then pounce.

@freedomwarrior5087

3 жыл бұрын

Bingo! Don't give them personal information. Keep conversations to weather type things, they are incapable of a two way adult conversation anyway. Never defend yourself or react, just observe and learn to stand in your own power and be true to yourself.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

over 600 videos of abuse evidence going back to when I was 8.majority of the 600 videos happened within the last fee months.But yet I am still struggling to get justice and removed from the home.I want to get emancipated I after a while I'll be 16.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

@Gemma Dann I know how you feel too.I hate talking aboit my depression and suicidalness also cause I am going through munchausen by proxy and I know my mom family will use it against me if I tell someone. Honestly we have similar emotions although I am not scared of being belittled or called a loser cause of my emotions or situations I just don't want to seem needy.

@JT0007

2 жыл бұрын

@@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493 Don’t stay in abuse

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

@@JT0007 everythings been tried for me to get out really but I since I am underage I will go to jail or worse a mental facility to be drugged on Neuro toxin pills if I leave. I use a new channel now due to the videos being deleted.DO NOT REPORT THIS AUTHORITIES ARE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING I am working towards emancipation.what happened was I had over 1,950+ videos of abuse evidence I started the channels in February 2021 99% of the videos were recent but I also had videos of a few things from 2014-2020.my relatives found out about the videos from DFCS 3/28/22 and deleted them. I still have videos on the prt4 channel too that I upload but the ones that I have uploaded for past few months are unlisted since I am not allowed to have a Device and if relatives see them they'll know I have something. Videos in correct order 5 kzread.info/head/PLimC2KvkJ7GXK29EHk77p5KTNpPT_bfSr

As the scapegoat child in a very dysfunctional family it’s hard to wrap ones mind around having worth at all. My empathetic feelings have always been poked fun at along with every decision I’ve ever made was negativity scrutinized by the entire family. I am definitely portrayed as the enemy of the family when it feels like to me I’m the only one going to bat for the whole family and individuals in the family. It’s quite twisted to my mind.

@patriciakronquist5718

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! It's like you're talking them up, while they're stabbing you in the back. It makes you look horrible to the outside world.

@thisiswhathappenslarry

2 жыл бұрын

Its crazy how this happens...i feel i have the same experience. I stand up for all of them and justify/empathize with their behavior and things they do, all for them to turn around and blame me for things that arent my fault...i need to get out of this

@zanpsimer7685

2 жыл бұрын

@@thisiswhathappenslarry at least recognising all this is a positive step IMO. Keep telling yourself your truth no matter what they say or do.

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

@@thisiswhathappenslarry same

@zanpsimer7685

2 жыл бұрын

@@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493 keep fighting. I wish you peace.

I cried... my heart hurts. I was/am still the scapegoat.

@thescapegoatclub

3 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry Shayleen. I am too. And I always will be. But that’s only in their eyes. It doesn’t matter what they think about you. You are a good, strong person. You deserve real love and happiness. Hang in there, believe in yourself, stay as safe as you can and make a plan. It is very hard, but you can escape, and it will get better. I promise.

@Catajbr

3 жыл бұрын

shayleen webb, I know what you mean. While watching the video I was actually feeling sick to my stomach. We are definitely not those negative labels our family put on us and didn't deserve the bad treatment. I don't to this day have any close relationship with my siblings but I don't really care anymore.

@jessmci2742

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 35 and never heard my life explained like that before. You are not alone!! The empowered child shall rise above . Stay strong sister! ✌❤

@gwenalley353

3 жыл бұрын

It is entirely OK if you never see your narc parent again, in fact, it’s probably best. If you are still too young to leave, just bide your time. Once you do leave, be careful who you befriend. You’ll likely find another one. If someone rejects you, that’s their problem. Let them go. Choose the ones that choose you

@cchivoexpiatoriodos5493

2 жыл бұрын

over 600 videos of abuse evidence going back to when I was 8.majority of the 600 videos happened within the last fee months.But yet I am still struggling to get justice and removed from the home.I want to get emancipated I after a while I'll be 16. Edit:I seen that someone like this so I just want to say I have over. 1,104 videos of evidence on the prt1,prt2,prt3 channel

The way I realised that my Mum was a narcistic, was after an argument with my golden child older sister. Where she stated I was a "victim Narc". This suggests she has known that our Mum was a narc all along, but has never said a word, stuck up for me or even asked why me and my Mum hadn't spoken for 6 years. THEY ARE ALL IN ON IT!! DO NOT TRUST THEM. Only the silent child may have actual sympathy and understanding. Happy healing and walking in your truth.

@tracyross5831

2 жыл бұрын

They Definitely are ALL the SAME......No Contact with ANY of THEM........ Cousins included!!!!!! Let THEM "WONDER"...........How BORING THEIR lives Must Be 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️

I am the scapegoat of the family. Lately as heal, I have come to the realization that this is more normal than we may want to accept. The scapegoat is intended to leave the family and become something that they always knew he or she could become but were afraid to. The scapegoat represents the strength the struggle and the truth. But we go thru a lot of shit. We sometimes deal with our own children hating us and treating us with discord because they learn early on how we "deserve" to be handled. I am a parent of 3. All grown. So having the experience of being the designated SG ....not easy but I handle it like a champ.

@user-ev2fn3iu9y

Жыл бұрын

Love this. Suicidal ideation is definitely something scapegoats of the family struggle with but our determined strength of character, our smarts and our problem solving abilities lead us to the life we deserve, away from the abuse. I'm 38 and this is my second attempt to break away but this time - it's for real.

@ladyb7327

Жыл бұрын

😭my children cannot see anything good about me 🫂

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

@@user-ev2fn3iu9y I wonder if we all struggle with suicidal ideation. Was wondering this today actually. I wish you luck in your attempt to break free for real as I too am trying to do the exact same thing.

@marthacochrane484

7 ай бұрын

Yes I do believe this.....very wise..........I have moved around 60 times.......stayed with many people........dealt with victimisation..........married twice.....2 adult children........no contact with any family member......my sister seduced my husband.........I am not perfect and have learned that it was my inability to speak which hid so much..........and the damned respectability covering up the heinous crimes........I am shocked as well as indebted to all who share their story here......I dont feel so alone ......bless everyone here.........

They are very envious the narc. When someone has a trait they would like to have and the narc feels worthless. The narc will try to take the qualities of others which they see as useful. They devalue the child and change the rules. Blame the child. The child is seen as an extention of the narcissist and should follow the rules of the narcissist according to the narc. The narc parent will pit children against each other (triangulation). Gossip is frequent. Performance over character and materialism instead of looking out for the childs emotional needs. The family will say their childhoods were great but the scapegoat knows things were not ideal.

I finally escaped 3 years ago. I'll be 58 this year. So much of my life wasted. I listen to these videos, but I don't even know where to start. I'm a hermit now, and I hate treating myself like this.

@MzBAnthony

2 жыл бұрын

Do all the things you couldnt do..vehemently deft the narc

@MzBAnthony

2 жыл бұрын

Start random conversations qith strangers..join a group

@chickenlittle4014

2 жыл бұрын

Me too I isolate so much

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

We Scapegoats need to join together and form a coalition of sorts. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And, my friend, you are loved.

@nicselectronics81

Жыл бұрын

Same here, very used to and comfortable being alone.

My love and blessings to all that were scapegoated. Stay well and leave before you are too old.

@reginapolo3357

2 жыл бұрын

@@serenitysmith352 best to you. Please do not think its too late. Im 60 and i am about to embark on the best sailing of my life. Stay faithful to you.

This is so on point. I lived in my room, daydreaming to an extreme degree, reading, music and drawing was my world. I would get told I was out of control and angry. But I wasn’t! I wanted someone to see what was happening to me. I couldn’t give in to what I was being told, maybe if I had would have been easier. But letting him win was not an option in my 8 year old to 18 year old self.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

happened to me, and I'm stuck and depressed here

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

They provoke you to anger, then tell you that you have "anger issues."

@spikefivefivefive

Жыл бұрын

"I would get told I was out of control and angry." Because he was self-projecting his anger that you wouldn't participate in his game.

Most eventually walk away. It’s just too much to take.

I like how he related being a scapegoat to incessant criticism, and calling it Harrassment. Within my conditioning, I've realized most people have been harassing me, that there's no basis of mutuality. It's so liberating realizing this conditioning, that this isn't my identity! -TS Madison

@kaylaschroeder1

2 жыл бұрын

I love how you said that. 👏🏻👏🏻

@MzBAnthony

2 жыл бұрын

Yes it is definitely harassment i recently came to the conclusion too..they are relentless

@teizenn1

Жыл бұрын

@@MzBAnthony And because I objected to the relentless harassment, I was accused of being a narc who couldn't take any criticism, constructive or otherwise.

@user-bg2oi1kq7c

8 ай бұрын

I finally fully realized this today. I'm 42

I was a scapegoat-child, nightmare! My mother (Narc) was very envious!

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

Hoping you are figuring it out, healing and ultimately thriving. Living well is the best revenge. I think narcs are young souls who have yet to learn the proper dynamics of self worth. Same here, any success I had as a child made her angry. Lucky, even at age 7, I saw it as her problem. Lucky for my 9 siblings they were spared beatings. It is the role that the toughest of souls will accept. (that's what I tell myself to stay away from the destruction of self pity)

It was just over four decades that I finally realize what's been going on behind the scenes with my own family. Constant roller coaster of guilt trips lies manipulation consequences blame and projection till this day. Every single visit they find something at my fault.

You really hit it on the head. I grew up in a family where I was at first invisible and my older brother was the messed up one. Then when my older brother left home switched to me. In my family the greatest sin you could commit was letting people from outside the family unit know that that fake image isn't the reality. I have been disowned and abandoned now which still hurts to this day. I realize now that it was never my fault. I realized that they are the ones with the issue. Not me. I was just the embodiment of all their short comings. I became more then I ever expected. I'm now married to a beautiful woman where we have a loving close relationship. I have two wonderful kiddos both with their own amazing personalities and talents. I've exceeded all expectations in my career by climbing the ladder to the top. I'm for once truly happy free to be me. Thanks for the post.

@infiniLor

3 жыл бұрын

Wow. No such path for most of us to experience healthy self-esteem, healthy relationships or healthy career success, much less all three.

@tenderheart7530

3 жыл бұрын

@Michael Ritter You are fortunate to be male. ⭐️

@misiasert1348

3 жыл бұрын

@@tenderheart7530 not at all! Nothing whatsoever to do with gender. If anything males are discriminated against atm.

@tenderheart7530

3 жыл бұрын

@@misiasert1348 I know male scapegoats are more physically abused but I was speaking to your ability as a male to get on with your life and find a spouse. Female scapegoats tend to become invisible.

@darylkik6204

2 жыл бұрын

Your correct about saying anything against the family. I tried on accident to speak up once when I was 18. How could you do this Daryl is what my father said. This isn't about you. ( Hate that phrase to this day.) Within a few weeks I was given a check for $1000.00 from him and told get out and not return.

That last minute where you mentioned how much internal resilience we actually have really touched me. I have a beautiful marriage and found a profession I love, but I ALWAYS felt internally I was still "bad" or would get "found out". It feels so nice to know that no, that IS the true me and I begin appreciating myself for the first time.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

those "found out" feeling....

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

Nice

my heart weeps for them. effective therapy EMDR, EFT, Brain Spotting is worth every penny.

@garethwest9069

2 жыл бұрын

Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. - Matthew 10:16

This is so so so sad, my mother was disgusting!

Attacked when happy.. I call it billed for smiling.

I almost like my world better when I didn't know I was the scapegoat. Now I am faced with the most hurtful and awful thoughts. They did this to me on purpose and planned it in a way. This is just an example for me not a real event: A person drinks too much and hits you with a car. In time you can forgive that horrible drunk person. But what if you find out they planned this for years to make them look just a bit better for five minutes. But rest assured they have convinced everyone arriving to the accident that it was all your fault. And your taken to jail and found 100% guilty. I am age 52 and was 51 when I saw behind the curtain.

@lisagrace6471

2 жыл бұрын

Good description

@japalmer2

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you, I was 38, I'm 40. My siblings, older sister and younger brother both lied to me about giving our mom her insulin. Everything I came home, I knew they were lying. Now, my sister is dead (burn in hell) and my brother is having to take care of himself for the first time in his life and it's not going well. I left the house at 17 and never came back. She enabled their bullshit and then they tried to kill her.

@hugmc

2 жыл бұрын

It’s hard at our age awakening too this but when u get through the pain there is the self Love and mental freedom at the other end just take that part and enjoy it we deserve that at least 😀

@peaceangel-rl2hf

Жыл бұрын

I am of a similar age and go between feelings of intense rage and hatred for them but then gratitude that I can see them for what they are, which leads to me loving and appreciating my strength and the person that I am and always was. At this stage in life, I feel justified in telling them mentally to F off and leave me be. I have no desire to be involved in their life any more whereas for the longest time I pined a loving family...it's liberating

@PrincessJayJay17

Жыл бұрын

Im 30. I got away from my family 6 years ago going total no contact and i dont look at them as having planned it as such. I look back and feel pity that they hated themselves and their own lives so much that they had to project that onto me simply for daring to still 'be better' in their emotional neglect. And ive also accepted that i dont actually have to forgive them, all i have to do is heal for myself. Forgiveness is not going to bring me peace, healing and having a happy life is. Some days i remember things they did and feel sad or angry but i am living a wonderful and lovely life now with people who show me respect and kindness. My family does deserve to be part of that and thats their burden now. Not mine.

It’s like you know me. This is my experience with my family, to the letter. I was forced to feel like I was the problem, when they were the evil ones. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I knew I didn’t deserve this.

Sounds familiar! I was told as a child that I had no sense of humor. Hard to not always be on edge, wary of the next attack.

@thescapegoatclub

3 жыл бұрын

Right! Also hard to find the funny when you’re the butt of the joke. Nasty people.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

Ah yes, the old gaslighting of, "I insulted you greatly, but it was all a joke."

@loekiekanters4295

2 жыл бұрын

Me too.

As a scapegoated child/adult this was beyond helpful. It's been difficult to unpack, but you described my family life to the T. Thanks for the work you're doing 💛🎯⚖️🙏☀️

I'm 53 and have just realized in the last few years that my narcissistic family has destroyed my mental health and by extension my life- My father was a monster who turned my 4 siblings against me - I have had it with all of them and am much happier

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

So, they failed at total destruction. The best revenge is living well.

@uyoebyik

Жыл бұрын

I'm the 3rd of five children and the scapegoat. My siblings followed my mother's cue and bullied me throughout my life. I'm in my 50s now and during the past year I made up my mind to have nothing further to do with them

I my expereince, the siblings were scared of receiving the same treatment. And they would shut down and just standby the parent inflicting the abuse.

@zohashahid30984

2 жыл бұрын

Yrs

@summero-my5in

2 жыл бұрын

After years of not understanding why my sibling would side with my narcissistic parents during childhood, she admitted to me that she agreed with me but was just afraid of them. It felt like a weight off my chest to hear this…

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

@@summero-my5in Thank you. It is belated salve to old wounds to hear a sibling say they never understood why mom was bad to you.

@pissfarted8598

2 жыл бұрын

My sister started using the tactics against me and would make me do/give up things or she’d get our mom to punish me- I’d cry to my mom about the unfair treatment and she’d tell me she’s sick of my face and to leave her alone I was very youn I’m still young and to this day I don’t believe that anyone will value my emotions they’ve always been used against me I’m afraid to make new relationships bc my shy nervous nature attracts the wrong crowd for me :,,

@pissfarted8598

2 жыл бұрын

It hurts especially bad when it’s someone who pretends to be there for you when it’s beneficial for them but will turn Ice cold and take everything from you when provoked:/ it’s really devastating honestly like why you too :( I’ve never felt seen or heard I feel like I’m taking up space

I was called “problem child” growing up, and the only praise I received from my narcissistic parent was that I didn’t ask to come home when they sent me overseas as a kid to live with estranged family. As an adult, I still have nightmares where I’m in a dire situation and my family is there but no one will help me. The worst part was being targeted by the narcissistic parent and being rejected by the non-narcissistic parent afterwards for “causing trouble” and being left alone to cry by myself.

@loekiekanters4295

2 жыл бұрын

You may try to educate your non-narcissistic parent, in my case it was an eyeopener for him when he realised I had been critized too much.

@leahweinberger583

Жыл бұрын

Enabler parents Are abusive. At the times they seem the only viable choice for a parent relationship. The lesser ofvtwo evils...but the lesser of two evils is still evil.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

@@leahweinberger583 I agree.

You have just‘literally’ described my experience with my family. I’m no contact now ( approx 6 years). .... That was very validating, thank you 😊

I recieved insults from my family for every single accomplishment in my life! I open my mouth, i recieve insults!

I am a scapegoat. I am glad I am one. It had thought me to be and do life on my own. At first I literally almost died. But later on I realized I am better off.

They can do this in the neighborhood too, getting everyone in the neighborhood to place the blame and burden on the scapegoated person. The scapegoated person can also become a target in any and all groups.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I agree.

To this date I can feel my mother's envy. I'm 60. Being my dad's baby girl didn't help. The good thing is that, I became the most successful child because I wanted her to approved of me. After a couple of very nasty outpoors of hate, I set boundaries 3 years ago, I I'm doing good now. Only regret that I didn't doi it before. My mom is 81 now and she is in better health than me. We look like sisters!!! Please DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE OLD. Is not going to ever change.

@Mia-tr8di

2 жыл бұрын

Can so much relate to what you describe. I am 59. After my dad died and I wasn't willing anymore to cover up for her sadistic behaviour, I was mobbed by my mother, my reputation completely ruined, nobody in the family including my brothers and nephews is speaking to me anymore. But guess what, she died this year and I'm slowly beginning to just feel really, really good. Nobody will torture me anymore. Now my own live can start.

@reginapolo3357

2 жыл бұрын

@@Mia-tr8di stay well. And understand first of all, and it wasn't your fault. Peace

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

@@Mia-tr8di nice.

I Wonder why they aren't held accountable when that adult child becomes disabled

Can I tell you... as the scapegoat to the whole family starting from my mom; all I can do is cry. Hearing what I have already researched, it never feels any better. I feel sick and it just makes me want to be alone... I hurt so bad because I have been conditioned to feel guilt anytime I’m not doing what’s expected by the family. I often want to disappear so the pain can go away. My mom hated me and I didn’t know what I had done. I will be ok, but only if I can stay away for good.

@thescapegoatclub

3 жыл бұрын

You will be ok. Please stay away from them, for yourself. You deserve happiness and a life where you can celebrate being you. If they don’t like it, screw them. They don’t matter. You do. Be strong xxx

@loveliestshawol9091

3 жыл бұрын

Sending loads of love to you dear. I hope the pain goes away one day. You deserve happiness.

@silverdolphin1123

3 жыл бұрын

Stay STRONG - NEVER let the enemy win!! If possible move away to another state PERMANENTLY, make new friends n find ur own happiness! U don't need mean people in ur life - they don't care whether u succeed in life or not, in fact I would go so far as to say inwardly they're HOPING that their scapegoat would FAIL n NOT MAKE IT IN LIFE...NEVER give them that satisfaction. Fulfill ur potential, develop ur skills n abilities to serve others. SUCCESS N HAPPINESS IS THE BEST REVENGE AGAINST NARCISSISTS N TOXIC PEOPLE

@mosim9691

2 жыл бұрын

@@silverdolphin1123 GREAT advice!

@terrydelman8210

2 жыл бұрын

Research about breaking the trauma bond, it really helped me, when I did that! You are loved!

As a scapegoat child I became a super empath always seeking to heal the narcissistic parents and then partners… now myself

Harassment….even as you make accomplishments in spite of them. The more accomplishments you make, the more hate you have to contend with.

This was my life. Described perfectly. But the worst thing was that I didn’t know. I just assumed what they were saying about me was true. For 44 years! Thank god, I emigrated, without knowing why. I followed my own path and am now becoming free. The screaming nightmares have subsided. The panic attacks are becoming less frequent. My narcissistic parents have been blocked. And as soon as the law suit with my psychopathic sister is over, I’m d-o-n-e!! And to anybody who is still in it: Hang in there. Believe in yourself. You have the strength to get out and it will be so worth it. Love the channel, topics, observations and explanations. Thanks for posting, Jay!

@darylkik6204

2 жыл бұрын

I learned all about my family and life at age 51 (last year) Suddenly every odd question I ever had about my family made perfect sense. It also made me feel sick that this dynamic existed in the first place. I almost liked it better when I used to say that my family was normal but with a few issues.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I believed what they said about me for a very long time.

Um everything is spot on except im not as successful as my siblings. I am attracted to abusive men, and my friendships reflect the same dynamics. I am afraid of any good attention because that means hell for me. I saw a comet and I didn't take a picture because I was afraid of the attention I would attract and the backlash of having something great happen to me. I do a good job, but I feel I can't attain the real level of success like my siblings.

@maytheforcebewithyou4313

3 жыл бұрын

So freakingvscared to show up and do well, she'll glom on and be disapproving, savatoged or quit every endeavor, men too they meddled until I went f this tension I will sneak away and find someone. Never worked she sends my brother to bully and intimidate. Its horrible and we sid nothing to cause

@tinkerbell4296

3 жыл бұрын

Same here

@freedomwarrior5087

3 жыл бұрын

But what defines success? Your siblings are caught up in the same pathology in different roles.

@Webbgurl2000

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve heard that underachieving is part of the “norm” too

@kevinn6996

3 жыл бұрын

Just know now that it was because it was adaptive to how we grew up. I live with the same things and for a long time I've hated myself for it, but now am learning to be gentler with myself everyday

I was always told I'm problematic because I never laughed on my father's stupid, dumb, boring and insulting comments on me or anyone else. Whole family is a circus, NPD father is the clown and other people are the audience. MUCH THANKS for this video!

I just realized that the word I used to be called in my native language means “goat” .. because I was “rebellious and misbehaving”.. turns out I was just the scapegoat.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

So, what is the word in your language for "scape"? My favorite story in these comments is from PleaseSayHi who wrote about failing to fail. Your success will piss them off the most. I wish you all the success you desire, as long as it is not at someone's expense.

@DicyaninGlass

2 жыл бұрын

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 thank you!.. your invalidation is rather affirming.. I mean..it's ok for everyone else to be successful at my expense..but gosh forbid if one can become successful at others expense... Which sadly I'm too mentally f**cked to do.. so thanx for the trigger..I don't know if that was a slap in my face or a backhanded compliment.. gaslighting..or I have no idea...? But thanx. May u be successful..but not enough to hurt others lol

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

@@DicyaninGlass it is just that when humans think of success they often think that it comes from winning some competition, vs a rising tide lifts all boats ethic. Whenever I have had to lead an effort or a business I always built a dynamic of everyone using their strengths to benefit the whole and we would all be successful together.

I would not wish the role of scapegoat on anyone but our lives can be reframed as ones of resilience. The drive for honest, authentic, and deep human connection often drive us to meaningful and healthy adult relationships. My therapist likes to remind me to use my pain as rocket fuel. Humility and hard work came easily to me because I had such a strong desire to show the world who I really am along with everything I’m capable of. But in the end I am most proud that the generations of abusiveness ended with me. This was the best video I’ve ever seen on the subject.

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

So far, I haven't been able to have any healthy relationships. I'm good on my own though, finally.

You are telling my story.....my mother and sister talked about me ALL the time they would talk loud enough so I could hear. I remember at 5 years old I had a scar on my wrist...from the time I was born it was continually emotional torture and some physical and sexual. I ran away at 17. Married for 30 years with 2 different narcissists. After being single for 13 years I am still trying to recover. Bits and pieces come back hopefully to heal. I spent my later childhood so afraid of men that I would not even to into a classroom with a man as a teacher. Not able to attend church, restaurants, that was from my fathers temper tantrums, and then it was the store. A lifetime of emotional nightmares. Hopefully will heal with your help. Thank you for your videos. Thank you....

I'm "the lost child". Still these scapegoat child videos are important to understand the inner life of the narcssistic mother, to see how it all reflected on me also.

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

I'm guessing that there were times when you were placed into the scapegoat role, when the SG wasn't available and the narc wanted someone to vomit their rage onto.

So I am 52 years old, and have just recently realized I was the scapegoat. My life & self esteem was destroyed by my mother and a boatload of other narcissists in my family. It has not only ruined my emotional health, but also, impacted my physical health in many ways. I have nothing to do with any of my family members. My mother is in her 70s and she still tries to get at me. There are so many false lies that people believe about me. It doesn’t even make sense to me, but I don’t even care anymore. I know what I am and I know what I’m not. The older I get the uglier my mother gets and I avoid her like a vile plague because I feel that’s what she is. I feel very bad for having said that, but she has caused me so much extreme misery and pain in my entire life to the point where I’m not fully the person that I could’ve become and should be at the age of 52. Just recently learning more about narcissism through KZread. I’m learning so much about myself, and why I lived the way I did, and my suffering. Finally I can make sense of it😢😢😢😢 I’m crying as I write this because I’m an empath so many people took advantage of me. I feel like most of my life was wasted on gross narcissistic vile people. Having said all of that, I have a good heart, and I’m not jaded, and I still know how to give and share love. I just have a very tiny circle because I can smell a narcissist from a mile away. I bluntly shut them down immediately when I spot them now that I’m aware of what they are!! I’m gonna have to do some journaling because I’ve got a lot to go through mentally and emotionally.

Scapegoated Child basic theme in the family: ' If I hate myself enough will you accept/love me ? '

@PersianDollTarot

2 ай бұрын

💯

@C-eq1tj

Ай бұрын

Very well articulated and succinct! Yes. I was goth before it was cool. Hating myself & everyone else. I was rewarded for being anorexic.

@sdeb3333

17 күн бұрын

This is so true. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Dear God!!!! Somebody is explaining exactly what I went thru because I had no choice but to own and internalize this to survive!!!

I grew up in a home where my older brother was scapegoated. He was demonized, mobbed and when he ran away from home, they used that to make the case against him as confirmation. After he left, the demonization turned toward me. As an adult, I worked for a guy who scapegoated one of his two lovely daughters. He enlisted everyone to point at her as defective. Boy, o boy did all that bring back some memories

@LuckiestStarByFar

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad you saw through the BS of the man that you worked for. It's too bad others don't. So many people take the parents' word for it.

@pavanatanaya

Жыл бұрын

@@LuckiestStarByFar Unfortunately the behavior is so common, every workplace is toxic

@Joelswinger34

3 ай бұрын

I hope you stood up for her.

I am the scapegoated child in my family. All my Life. This video is 100% my family. My mother if you can call her that is the narcissist. I never knew a mother could be so cruel, after years of therapy and support groups I made a conscious decision to walk away from this family and never look back. It was the best thing for me. I even changed my phone number so they couldn't call. The pain the suffering The Loneliness. I'm 57 years old and my mother still does it and gets everybody in the family in on it. They even started doing it to my children. That's when I had enough and I never looked back. I never raised my children as any scapegoats. Because the pain that I felt I could never inflict on anyone. This video has been very informative for me. Thank you so much.

I had dreams. I wanted to be an artist! I wanted to move to NYC! I wanted to see the world. I had no fear! And I was punished for it every day! Plot twist- not giving up 👍😁 The best revenge is living a peaceful life Edit: I am an artist so that will never change. I was just always made to feel it was a silly hobby at best.

@stanleydrive740

Жыл бұрын

I know! I am an artist too. I felt it was wrong to even go to college, disrespected for jobs I got, & as a child my artwork was destroyed by my mom in these angry, terrifying rages. I understand how you felt!

@krystalhaugland

Жыл бұрын

@@stanleydrive740 I'm sorry you went through that. I hope your life is much better now 💛

@SkyePhoenix

4 ай бұрын

I never had any dreams. I just wanted to escape.

I am the only daughter with 3 brothers and I am the scapegoat. I am the only child that lives near our mother, actually we share a home because at 81, she really shouldn't be living alone anymore. My 3 brothers all live 1500 miles away and "care" from a distance. Her utter disdain for me is palpable, she's made it quite clear that she doesn't want me here and vilifies me at every turn to my brothers so I am dealing with a family mob like mentality. My brothers completely invalidate my experience and say things like "you should try harder, be more patient, do more, feel grateful, she's 81 how many more years do you think she has left?" I'vehad to go very low contact with them as a result, even low contact with our mother and I gray rock, it's the only way that I can actually deal with her. I'm finding your videos so incredibly helpful, thank you.

@infiniLor

3 жыл бұрын

Brutal. I hear you!

@clareneale99

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve been in the same boat it’s the worst! NC helps mind

@goldheartminer7069

3 жыл бұрын

I feel for you as I am also the hated only daughter 2 brothers. I had to live with my mother for a few months and she made it hell for me. She hid my things listens to phone calls tears my clothes changes the password on my computer makes fun of me and slanders me to our other relatives. She is 75 and will do this until she is dead. I try to avoid her as much as possible.

@clareneale99

3 жыл бұрын

@@goldheartminer7069 this is my mother How is your relationship with your brothers -I had to NC all of them

@goldheartminer7069

3 жыл бұрын

@@clareneale99 my mom's favorite son helped her to damage my property and spread lies about me and spy on me until he passed from brain cancer. It was sad because I really thought he might apologize before he died but he never did. My only other brother and I never had a relationship anyway but now I am NC with him too. It's sad to say but my life is better now.

It’s so sad, abusers right in family, extended family even. I have no respect for those that turned blind eye. F them!

My sibling tries to knock me down to size, ripping me up one side and down the other, whenever I make confident statements or pursue something with confidence. They insist on giving me unasked advice, actually telling me I don’t know what I’m doing, and tell me I am arrogant or have no credentials and have no business doing what I’m doing. They would never listen when I tried to explain how I gained my credentials or experience or years of education that they know nothing about because they don’t care to really know me. They would only launch into a tirade of insults against me and my character, including nasty language, because I dared to not listen to them or consult them. I am considered opinionated instead of competent. I have finally learned not to tell them anything and am blocking them. When they get around my blocks, I refuse to respond. That is helping me a lot, but I still have a long way to go emotionally.

It started in babyhood. Abuse was my normal. I didn't know what respect felt like. Now grown, I can see how it was all so shockingly hurtful. Thank you Jay very much, so grateful🧡💛💚💙

I go through hell everyday with my mom. I have to move out and stay out this time. I will not be a punching bag any longer..

Exactly describes my family situation! I am the second child of four-older brother, younger sister, younger brother. My mother was the abuser-mostly against me. My father was her codependent. My parents are dead, but the family scapegoat scenario remains today. I am 75, so don’t see the end in sight. Thank you for this video!

Thank you for this. No one understands this really. You're spot on about everything

@marcharsveld2914

Жыл бұрын

He is.

Being a one-time scapegoat, this resonated with me. Being a scapegoat is like being a POW, except that no one thinks the captors of a POW love them and want the best for them. It isn't just the family that enables the natc parent, it's all of society. And you're right about the threat of physical violence. With narcissistic parents, things can spin out of control if the parent is angry enough, and some children have actually been killed. I left my "family" long ago. My elders are now dead or very old, and I'm now a total stranger to everyone else. I consider that a good thing.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

It is like being a POW I agree completely.

I truly cannot believe you have just described my life-so much that I went from tears, to crying, to full-on sobs. You told the complete truth about what happened to me. I have never felt so validated and *seen*. Thank you.

It can be a very long, painful awakening to realize that you were, and are, the family scapegoat. My mother was "the sweetest woman in the world" to literally everyone in town, for decades, while giving only as much attention as she subjectively felt like giving me, the middle child and only daughter. My older brother was hateful, vindictive, and abusive to me in every possible way until adulthood. Mom knew. She didn't care enough to ask me why the dresser was pushed up against my bedroom door at night or why I begged to spend the night with friends when she would go out. When she heard the verbal bullying, she would tell me that was "just the way he is," and the sooner I learned how to deal with it, the better off I'd be. As adults, my brother's maladaptive conduct became more entrenched. A failed marriage, no close friends, a series of un-related jobs rather than a career because of how he treated supervisors and coworkers resulted in him being partially dependent on and fully, but passively, resentful of Mom as an adult. He plays the part of her defender and rescuer, but she sends him money every month. 🙄 Mom telling me to "deal with it" unintentionally encouraged me to become emotionally strong and independent. My life is the complete opposite of my brother's in every way. The result: Mom and my brother are allied and open in their disdain and disgust for me, my career (very, very conventional), my family, my friends, my home, etc., etc. But now, as an adult, I can get to a place where that doesn't bother me at all emotionally. Just when I think my expectations of them could not be lower, I'm still occasionally surprised by how petty and mean they can be and how poorly they hide it. But I don't dwell on it for days and try to understand it. As my spouse says: "You don't need to understand a tornado; you only need to know where it is." Time and distance (even if the distance is only in your head, not allowing yourself to dwell on what they did or why), never, ever sharing your thoughts, opinions, values, plans, dreams, disappointments, and victories with them, and refusing to hitch your emotional state to anything they do or say (never wrestle with a pig; you only get dirty and the pig enjoys it) is the best way out. They live in a chaotic, cynical, dark emotional hell. They want to force you to join them there and will use all your best qualities (sympathy, empathy, fairness, desire to understand and be understood) to drag you down there with them. They are the only people who can get themselves out of that place, and they aren't interested in doing that. You can not rescue them, so don't. go. there!

This is the closest I've heard anyone verbally describe the cruel nature of making an innocent child a family scapegoat. Thank you Dr Reid. Even after years of awareness, I cannot break the wicked pattern of self-sabotage which thx to this video I realize is probably due to decades of identifying as worthless and undeserving of success and approval.

I used to hide in the kitchen closet and listening to the negative dialogue about how horrible I was,,,

"You can't walk into a room without something being 'found out' about you." I lived in constant fear of this. I walked into my sister's house for Christmas dinner with my three kids and without my abusive ex, only to discover a newspaper article taped to the refrigerator condemnatory toward those "leeches" that are on public assistance. She had to get me right as I walked in!!!!!! Because she is a "good girl", and all that tax money we are eating up came out of HER paycheck! But if it is true what you say about the scapegoat, then I have done her a tremendous service, since she gets to be in the world with a fully intact sense of self ----- at the cost of MY dignity. She owes me.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

I always said to my fault-finders, "I'm glad I could make your day"

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

I, too, got to the point of saying, "I'll take whatever you want to give" as far as financial help and free stuff. If that's all I get from these scumbags, then I'll take it. Of course, there are always strings attached, so I'll starve or live on the street now first.

@jacquelineglitter4328

Жыл бұрын

I always say Maybe in my next life I'll be perfect.

Once I realized these things, any verbal abuse couldn't change my emotional state; The scapegoated child is the strongest one. Abusers are dumb, they are making you stronger, giving you fuel. Work hard to Love yourself unconditionally. God truly loves you! The only source of your self worth should be yourself. Most people hate them selves, that's why they project bs onto you. Why care what people who hate them selves, say about you?

This is so helpful. Ironically, the last time my narc father blew up at me, he screamed at me for "trying to be a good person" lol.

I used to have a reoccurring dream that I had killed someone. The dream always began after the murder and I was just left as the ostracized horrible one who had to bear the stigma and shame and consequences for my whole life with no escape. It was never clear in the dream who I had even killed or why or what happened, that was all in a fog. I knew it was one of the people who tormented me, but I also knew that it didn't matter to anyone else that I was disposing of my tormentor. But I would wake up with this crushing sense of miserable guilt that stayed with me, sometimes for days. I'd lay in bed and wonder, searching my brain to see if I had really killed someone. I had a horrible guilt complex and debilitating anxiety as a kid, I don't know how I made it through. I had chronic insomnia and a complete terror of writing assignments-especially ones where I wasn't give any guidance. I guess I was terrified of expressing myself, at least that part I've overcome. Gee, I wonder why? Lol. I had a cold, covert narcissist mother, a rage-a-holic father and four mean girl sisters. I've been no contact for almost three years. It took me the first 18 months just to get a sense of control back. Thanks, these videos really are helpful. I was ready to stop watching narc. abuse videos and move on, but then these scapegoat video started popping up in my feed, so I think I do need to do more work, particularly the rebuilding stuff. I so appreciate the positive bend of Jay Reid's video. We scapegoats need to focus on the good stuff that brought down the holy hell on our heads and use our truth telling skills that have been tempered by abuse to tell hard truths in the world. How better than we scapegoats, we've already suffered the worst stuff imaginable for our sense of fairness and our need for honesty and authenticity, we are uniquely qualify to bring the much needed truth back into the world. They can cancel us, we are uncancelled, if our own family who were supposed to love and nurture us could destroy us, no one can. Keep the faith, people.

This video is so true of what the scapegoat is. I left a very narcissistic family. My mother is at the helm. She twists everything I say to make it look like my fault. I’m a good person with good qualities, but to her I am nothing. She might be good for a little while, but then she isn’t satisfied and turns on me. I left the family when my oldest son graduated. She tried to ruin it and then asked me why I couldn’t just “enjoy” my son graduating. At that point I was done. She tried to act like she never did anything and tried to act nice to my children. I had to refrain them from seeing her. She was trying to ruin me. To this day she still sends cards and texts for birthdays and tells my children she misses them. She thinks that I am keeping them from her. She is completely wrong. If she were a good person I would have no problem with my mom having a relationship with her grandchildren, but trying to destroy her own daughter in the process is not ok! The rest of my side of the family sadly believes my mom or they are just like her!

@goldheartminer7069

3 жыл бұрын

You are correct in staying away from her. My mother convinced my daughter that I was bad mother when she was sixteen and she moved in with my mother.

@julienewkirk2194

3 жыл бұрын

@@goldheartminer7069 I’m so sorry that happened! That’s my fear as well that she would turn my children against me. How is everything going now?

@goldheartminer7069

3 жыл бұрын

@@julienewkirk2194 thanks for asking. My daughter is finally starting to see the real narcissist my mother is but it had taken 20 years. Now I pray for my grandkids because she is turning one into scapegoat and one into golden child just like she did with me and my brothers. I have to stay away as much as possible because she is so evil. I stay close to God and Jesus the only reason I don't give up.

Thank you Jay. I was the scapegoat, the oldest, in a family of five kids. The scapegoating continued, covertly, until the Narc parent passed away. Two of the siblings closest to me in age, havent healed, and still scapegoat and abused me. I had to cut them off

This is the great injustice heaved on children. If we were bullied, harassed and abused in any other setting we would have legal recourse. The family unit however is untouchable.

54 just out of a covert narcissistic 30 year relationship. To be hit by the understanding of my family life long scapegoating. Always thought my mother’s drinking and subsequent psychosis was the problem. I saw things and confronted my father from when I was 7. Protected my siblings, I am the middle child. Seeking support from my family in the wake of my divorce revealed it all. There was none. I was confronted with statements like we always knew you were no good🥹 And this behind the wall of a well to do family. I somehow managed a higher education, worked and travelled internationally (yep, I ran…), my children are doing well academically, despite a projecting destructive and abandoning father. I understand the mechanics of the scapegoating, clear for me because I was born a disappointment as the second girl and marked by physical deformities and a huge birthmark. You can’t make this up, this is absolutely mind twisting, but I survived with incredible but painful clarity…making sense of it all is what got me through. Spend 2019 fighting for every breath but I made it! Working on a better rest of my life, still scared of relationships but more confident in my strength. My love to all scapegoats, we are incredible people!

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

Thanks

“I need you to perform a function for me, and I don’t care how it affects you.” My heart hurts to hear those words. They are spot on. That’s how I’m treated by my siblings. No truer words. I was probably treated that way by my parent , too, in the sense that I had to be the model child without my own beliefs or goals or I was considered wayward and irresponsible. I can’t tell you the pain of fearing a parent thinks I’m doing something bad or even illegal is I don’t do things their way! I was always so hurt. I never understood it since I am am very honest and caring. I never saw it through the lens of narcissistic scapegoating. This explains so much of my experience. Thanks, Jay, for making the experience of a scapegoat easier to understand. I never knew that’s what I have been going through for decades.

@Hawaiiansky11

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for posting. I hadn't picked up on that sentence while watching the video. What that equates to is, "You are merely a thing, a tool, to be USED for MY (and others’) purposes." Er go, NO F***ING WONDER I allowed myself to be used by men, female friends, bosses, co-workers, acquaintances, etc., etc. It was not my fault . It was not your fault. We were SET UP to be mistreated by others, and to fear / distrust good, kindhearted and genuine people...because, eventually, we just somehow 'knew' they would let us down, too.

Best thing is - we win in the long run and they lose.

I am the youngest of 5. The only one to finish high school/college. My mother and siblings were always so hurtful towards me. It is like they ganged up on me. I was told how I wasn't wanted and no good. I believed them. Still do to some degree. To my mother and siblings, the more dramatic and trouble one makes, the better they liked them.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

2 жыл бұрын

At age 7 I would see them get rewarded for being abusive to the scapegoat, and I never got rewards so I tried it. Oops, no reward for you! And the act had me feeling dirty. That's when I figured out I was scapegoat2.0 Life is such a teacher.

Thank you for this video as it helps me feel less alone. I’m nearly sixty and three years ago I walked away from my family of origin having been a scapegoat as a child. It’s not that I was still being scapegoated but the stories of how difficult I was as a child persisted and I grew up believing I am rotten to the core. I’ve read of some who walked away into sunshine. That is not my experience.. it is hard and I have found myself in stormy waters as old past judgements and family beliefs come up. However walking away has been one of the most important things I have done for myself and disentangling from the toxic cruel family ways borne out of their past hurts is an ongoing process which is the biggest gift I can give myself. It’s hard to see how easily I can get distressed in everyday life. Discovering my own truth and my own integrity is my life’s intention now and to do that with compassion. I am aware of a much bigger story of life than I can really know. I spend more time in solitude in nature being with myself. I’m discovering that this life that is much more generous and kind than I could have imagined as a child. I’m glad I stayed to discover this and that I walked away from my family and it takes courage for sure.. take care

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I too did not experience sunshine when I walked away just over 3 years ago. It's been tough and rocky to say the least.

My mother always nagged that I would always want to provoke. I never understood what she meant. I never had bad intentions. But she always claimed that I want to anger other people.

My mom was a rager & narcissit. I was confined to my room (whether punished or not). My parenal grandmother was my saving grace up to age 13 (she knew what was happening & my mom tried to put a cabosh on that relationship). I survived by the grace of God & my paternal grandparents (whom i adored).

I wish you could talk about the scapegoat child becoming a work slave,,,,,always forced to do the labor in the family

@marshamcdonald1475

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. I was family maid. At 6 years old I was mowing YArd with lightweight push Mower. 7:30 am no breakfast Or lunch, I was allowed evening Meal only. My siblings got 3 meals a day. You could see My ribs and bones in my knees I was so thin. Also was beaten With belt if all chores were Not perfectly done. The jr. High P.E. Teacher noticed all Bruises on my legs reported it To administration but back In 50s there was no CPS. I was verbally belittled Today I have nothing to Do with them. They married Well. Big houses, cars, took My mothers million. They also Received $10,000 a year. I got Nothing. Lawyer was too expensive to represent me in Court. I married exciting mental, financial,sexual, Abusers who took everything They could get from me. I am happy and healthier Alone in this world filled with Smiling, charming , evil people.

@adelaidemorningstar1870

3 жыл бұрын

@@marshamcdonald1475validating this experience helps to release some of the emotions,no one knows the scapegoat child’s sacrifice.

@TheVtpics

Ай бұрын

And being called lazy stupid and worthless all the while breaking your back being used as a hired hand except with no pay

This video warmed my whole body... like an embrace from someone who loves you after a long scary day. I have felt like an orphan and really alone in my family. But this just spoke to the how’s and why’s I have felt this for decades. My experiences have led me to a point where I choose to limit exposure to my immediate family although I used to seek more interaction believing our disconnect and misunderstandings could be resolved with my efforts to try to explain and heal us through quality time. Each time, unsuccessfully but I never understood why despite 30+ yes of trying. Thank you for sharing this knowledge with many of us who are struggling with this and seeking help coping. I feel like an orphan but I know I am not. I am healing intentionally. 🥰

@laurenbarca4661

3 жыл бұрын

You are not alone! Stay strong

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I too feel like an orphan.

Thank you! It is so amazing that it was not my imagination: Already, before I knew the word ”narcissist”, I wondered how weird it is that whenever I am joyful and happy, my mom is unhappy and starts some drama, or makes comments about my failures or faults or mistakes - and when I am unhappy, sad, down, etc. she seems to thrill and is so hilarious and tells me: ”Do not be so serious! You always sulk. You never smile!” I feel that it is so amazing to know that it all was her game snd still today is. And yes, I felt unsecure and I still feel unsecure in anywhere. It is as I must all the time be aware and never can take it easy and relax.

@starseeds8121

7 ай бұрын

I understand.

My mother enjoyed cutting me down. If I protested, she would either say "I was just joking!" or "I'm just being honest". I was also frequently left in the care of an abusive older sibling. I became a quiet, compliant child who spent as much time as possible in my inner world. I focused on my studies so when I came of age I'd be able to get away to college. When I became an adult I moved far away and went no contact. There were some tears and anguish, but no regrets.

I don't think any of my family really know me. They all have a distorted view of me due to the stories they've been told. I was never offered any validation by my mom. She's very intrusive and bossy and entitled in her opinions even if she knows nothing. I'm very close to going no contact. I've made the family that I deserve and I have to protect them

So true and accurate. I never felt safe..always harassed and under attack...oh my God..emotionally attacked and yes the attachment trauma is indeed true...all that's in the past now but its taken me a lifetime to figure this out...thank you 🙏💫🌿