"its not your role to be a human pacifier for the infantile and anxious tantrums of the narcissists in your life" (17:50).

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

Your roll is to be a gluttonous pervert ?

@jacquelinecrouch1983

3 жыл бұрын

How true, they behave like a child with anxious outbursts

@Hundredacredaycare

3 жыл бұрын

I love this saying. I want it on vinyl stuck on the wall

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

They must have a very deep rooted fear of "getting on with it", probably because for us it means becoming stronger if it's your parent as that means "less them" as we leave the nest.

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

@@jacquelinecrouch1983 very anxious outbursts, always the attention seeking victims!

Narcissists are not self aware enough to realize they constantly get in their own way 🤦🏼‍♀️

@shellsfitnessjourney400

3 жыл бұрын

Now that’s truth!

@evka24

3 жыл бұрын

well said...they get in their own way

@solidstate9451

3 жыл бұрын

My narcissistic sister in law always talks about how much bad luck she had in life. Life was sooo unfair to her and we don't unerstand it because we (my husband and I) were _always_ lucky. She doesn't realize that she put herself always in situations where it is essential to have extremely good luck to don't fail while my husband and I take precautions so a bit of bad luck can't destroy us. For example she bought a house that she could only afford if her adult children would stay and help her pay the mortgage for 15 years. The house was old and she barely looked at it not to mention asking a professional to appraise the house before buying it. Now the children moved out and she doesn't know how to pay the mortgage. Besides she can only use half of the sockets because of the terrible electric installation in her house. I guess, she hoped that my husband and I (both electronics professionals) would fix it for her for free, dedicating 3-4 full working weeks for a person who never did anything for somebody else. On the other hand my husband and I bought a house that was way below our budget and when I had to stay home with my handicapped child and wasn't able to work, we still paid it off in 10 years. But, yeah, I guess, she just had extremely bad luck while my husband and I were lucky.

You can use your own anxiety as an internal radar to detect narcs, it never fails me.

@donnawoodford6641

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like "gut feeling". 👍

@ambiguousprophetess5742

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sitting here gaslighting myself trying to figure out if the folks I live with are narcissistic because one of them told me I need to make more coffee because *he* was already on his second cup of the morning. Why does that mean *I* need to make more coffee? And now I'm sitting here feeling crazy because why does this even matter? I've lived here six months and all the sudden, routine or expectation are shifting after I stopped responding to every bid for attention from this dude... This is someone who has outright told me he's passive-aggreesive, and has told me maybe my perception is a problem. I feel like I'm going to end up in a mental ward again. I'm trying to get gone from here, because even if my perception is the problem I need to get away from people who trigger this in me. I'm going to end up as a recluse, I swear to God. 😔

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@ambiguousprophetess5742 🤔 That person said: I'm passive aggressive. Then follows that statement with a passive aggressive qualification: But it's YOUR perception of my passive aggression that is the problem. Ffs. Head games alright! Jeeze.😣

@ambiguousprophetess5742

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 damn. Damn damn damn damn damn. I thought I was safe from this. 😮‍💨

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@ambiguousprophetess5742 To your own self be true. Sounds like you're doing ok identifying behaviour that feel uncomfortable with. If you're able to - perhaps it's healthier & happier to get the freak out of there. If you aren't able to - grey rock is an awesome resource to learn and utilise. Living singularly is way more preferable than drowning in someone else's shit.💩

I was shocked when I realized the narcissist acted out of anxiety and fear of abandonment. And it still doesn't make sense that they mistreat people if they fear abandonment. But I guess they are always able to find new people. Narcissists are very good actors. They project such confidence and wide knowledge, it's hard to question it. They lie so well, they start believing their lies, and then so do others. Once my eyes were opened, I walked away and never looked back. The relief I felt made me realize how enmeshed I had become. Thank you Dr. Ramini for helping me understand the narcissists world. 😵

@dixiewaller1379

3 жыл бұрын

Truth!!!

@ka8990

3 жыл бұрын

So true they are the opposite of the mask they wear, soooo insecure

@idaraubong8721

3 жыл бұрын

A word

@cobracrew1986

2 жыл бұрын

As soon as something starts with them. They know it will end, so they better end it themselves before You do! They rationalize that you did something wrong, even if they started to self-sabotage to basically make you react and act out of order, so they had a reason to leave you.

@tooakki

2 жыл бұрын

I was born and raised by one of one... your comment is absolutely spot on.

I get physically sick when she came around towards the end didn't think stress could kill me like that

@shermanbrennan794

3 жыл бұрын

When I think of my soon to be ex-wife/person with strong narcissistic tendencies, I am right back there again. The dismissiveness, the devaluation, the contempt, the passive-aggressive anger that was constant...it all rushes back when I think about her. But it is getting better, with therapy and meditation. It is still there, though

@atanamorell2

3 жыл бұрын

derek lemire I feel the same way. I left because the relationship was literally killing me. I hope you are able to recover your health swiftly.

@atanamorell2

3 жыл бұрын

Sherman Brennan best wishes for your recovery. No one deserves this.

@sparklesp9304

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I could find a therapist.

@DolceIbarra

3 жыл бұрын

It is real. I hate that I can’t be friends with my ex. He can’t understand why I can’t. It makes me physically ill. Finally though the pain of staying away has become less than the pain of engaging.

“...It’s not your job to be a human pacifier for the infantile and anxious narcissist(s) in your life.” 💯 That mic must be shattered, because she dropped it hard before she exited! 🎤

This is so important! This is exactly why I am changing careers. As an accountant, I was a human pacifier for several narcissistic bosses before I knew anything about psychology. Years of this worry on a daily basis led me to panic attacks and poor health. I want to help people heal from this emotional trauma and find ways to stand up for themselves. Praying for anyone working for a narcissist!!

@humblewonder3260

3 жыл бұрын

😍

@carolnahigian9518

3 жыл бұрын

You take care of you! Best of luck

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

Now accounting is narcasistic and being a religious peace-nik is the word?

@vincentdecicco7393

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your story. I have become more aware of some of my personal stories that I have shared with other where I am the victim and these tend to be the relationships that either have trouble healing or learning from so I now stop before sharing a bad/good experience and try to share a learning instead of being a victim. I am so glad that you survived all of those experiences but couldn't you say that thanks to this I was able to reestablish myself here and with more awareness that could have only been gained by that situation?... Love to hear life stories those are the best! Blessing to you and sharing -V

@lauragadille3384

3 жыл бұрын

Had a job where the boss is a narc and a coworker. I couldn't stand the mental abuse that I had to quit. Best decisions I ever made.

I figured a Narc out and guess what? They disappeared!!!

@aprils.9726

3 жыл бұрын

Same, I told him, " I see you, I know EXACTLY who you are!" And was quickly ditched🤣🤣🤣 Currently being devalued! Fuck em'

@videoabhishek

3 жыл бұрын

Lucky you 🙂

@themarro6695

3 жыл бұрын

@@videoabhishek Total relief 😅 Never to be seen again!! This means they can’t lie or fool us anymore!!

@themarro6695

3 жыл бұрын

@@karennichols9939 Classic!! It’s funny how the love they have for you disappears and you are no longer their “soulmate” sorry I meant cell mate. 🤷🏽‍♀️

@themarro6695

3 жыл бұрын

@@aprils.9726 We need to count ourselves VERY LUCKY that they have gone 🙌🏾🤗🥳

Some of the comments are truly sad. All those people whose lives are being blighted by what we used to sometimes call an inferiority complex. I feel that a great many of us owe a big debt of gratitude to Dr.Ramani!

@nunyabidness4946

3 жыл бұрын

Doesn't matter what satan calls it, if it's not labeled demonic infestation it's a lie. It's ALL lies except the bible.

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

Ramani should do a video about the "narcasist smile" it's fake, exaggerated, and usually has the face tilted down as if saying.. plebian.

@AndroidSpirit

3 жыл бұрын

@@nunyabidness4946 grow. up.

@jessicajoyhardee6668

3 жыл бұрын

@@devonjoners5512 WOW! You are so right! OMG! The accuracy of this statement is freaking me out a bit!

@janeloraine6231

3 жыл бұрын

AGREE! Thank you Dr. Ramani!

Just got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My Apple Watch shows my heart rate rise when he enters the room. My anxiety attacks only happen when I’m thinking about our relationship. It’s like my body is telling me something that my mind just refuses to accept. Ugh what about my kid?! The nightmares and sleepless nights are taking a toll.

@dee-tx5jd

3 жыл бұрын

Do whatever you can to get away before you get really sick physically.

@meenunashier4281

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my god, exact same thing happening with me. It's just the worse. My heartbeat goes crazy everytime he enters the room. I used to have anxiety before but never ever this bad, it stays for hours and I can't sleep or eat as I used to. I feel like my energy has been depleted or sucked out of me.

@WhiteAngelLovesEarth

3 жыл бұрын

If ''he'' isn't your JOY, do something about it, Lauren!

@serdoubleyou6239

3 жыл бұрын

The anxiety and depression I experienced from narcissistic abuse made me extremely sick. I would have constant long lasting panic attacks where my body would literally feel like it was dying. My hands would go numb and it would spread up up through my whole body and I ended up in the emergency room several times, with doctors telling me theres nothing wrong with me. We had a child together, it was devastating, my body was trying to tell me to run, that I'm in danger. If she had been cooking for us I would have believed I was being poisoned. When it was finally over, and I was on the plane, every mile I put between us made me feel better physically. I didn't know anything about narcissism at the time, and I wonder to this day if things would have been different if I had the sword and shield of understanding. Get out and get as far away as you can and no contact is essential. This is difficult with children involved but you can't win that battle with a narcissist, alienating you from the kids is something they will do to hurt you and nothing including court orders can change that.

@dee-tx5jd

3 жыл бұрын

@@serdoubleyou6239 yes. I lost my eye sight almost completely and couldn't walk for 4 years due to nerve damage. And how this happened was a mixture of me sacrificing my health for him by literally staying in a situation, that physically harmed me and also him guilt tripping me into doing it. And after I almost had died, he still thought his situation was so much worse. I was in constant pain for 4 years, yet he never understood what he did or what I experienced. Getting away is the only way to save ourselves.

Keep this in mind: you can’t do right for them, whatever you do. So stop. Take enough distance, love your loved ones, let them rage and blame and self pity. “Meh” is the word here. Good luck y’all

@stephrashid6513

3 жыл бұрын

You've got that right! You really can't win so you're better off leaving them to it. Easier said than done but you're definitely right there.

@solidstate9451

3 жыл бұрын

Oh yes! My mother always gave me work with insufficient guidance to prevent me to do it right. And sometimes even when I did it right, I didn't do it right, the _right_ way! I mean, you can't sweep the floor from left to right, every sane person _knows_ that the only right way to do it is from right to left! You are soo silly! You really can't do _anything_ right! Or do you do it on purpose to aggravate me? You _love_ to aggravate people! That's why you don't have friends! No, they are not your real friends! They just play with you so they can make fun of you afterwards when you're not around!

It has taken nearly two years of no contact to even become slightly less paranoid about people. A life of living in a narcissistic family coven has damaged me emotionally at a deep level. 52 and becoming me. At times I don't want to be me but realize it not the truth. I am a good man.

@bgdream24

3 жыл бұрын

I grew up in a narc family dynamic, I made poor relationship choices, didn't realize it would groom me to be complacent codependent and I also deal with this paranoia/fear that If I don't say what a boss, coworker or friend wants to hear I will be punished. you're a goodman, polarities attract and that's what the narc probably saw in you. Im still stuck with mine for my daughter sake and she Is always an anxious negative mess. she reads all these self help books and tries to correct her bad habits which is respectable but if I point out how her negative habits affect me she crumbles and tries to justify it. really tough

@the1betterpodcast84

3 жыл бұрын

I see you. And yes, you saw through the veil. You hold the truth.

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

You bet you are!

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

@@bgdream24 me too, I'll bet my family scared alot of my nice intelligent friends away!

@reneemorgan3144

3 жыл бұрын

@@joseenoel8093 Anyone that I got close to including my father,siblings,cousins etc..she would some how put an end or separate us. This also included activities as a child. It took me over 5 decades to finally understand and stop self sabotaging my life. It's a journey that I would not wish on anyone, but one that I've endured and have come out of still standing. 💜

I always knew my narc was a basket of nerves......fear, shame, guilt....

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

I called mine 'high strung'...

Narcissist are afraid that someone will figure them out. I wonder what types of people narcissist are afraid of.

@kasuabhinav

3 жыл бұрын

Honest people

@oceanlover2426

3 жыл бұрын

Possibly those who pose a threat to their carefully constructed facades. This includes but is not limited to those who are spiritually gifted to see through them and stand firmly in what they are seeing/reading in them and also those who who have connected the dots and have their number.

@Armz69

3 жыл бұрын

Imo, people who can sort of see thru their manipulation and insecurity. People who does not want to give their Narcissistic supply or might ruin their "reputation".

@Winterreise189

3 жыл бұрын

They are afraid of people that know the truth and are actually smart instead of psuedo smart like a narc. Once you figure them out and their tactics stop working, they will be gone pretty fast. They despise when their manipulating stops working

@catherinepraus8635

3 жыл бұрын

Strong confident people that don't buy their bullshit 😊

Narcs fear the following statement: "I'm on to you"

@amywalls2459

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. I’ve said that. I know your playbook. No he doesn’t like that.

@suzanne4396

3 жыл бұрын

I just quoted 2 lines from a Staind song... " I Can SEE through you, See your true colors.. ",... --- Said very Calmly and slowly, will destroy the Narc. * score 1 for the Empath

@suzanne4396

3 жыл бұрын

@@karennichols9939 We were going for a drive in his truck---- he looked over at Me,.. Something he Rarely does,... , looked away, looked back again with a "deer-in the headlights" look on his stupid face, then stared straight ahead and drove. Quit speaking. No nastiness. No baiting. No criticizing.

@yu12si7

3 жыл бұрын

@@karennichols9939 yeah....make sure you aren't living with the person you point this out to....your life could be in danger. Sure wish I'd never let my Mom know why I was writing in daily journals. I told her I wanted to always remember what It feels like to be a child because I wanted to be a really good Mother. Whoops! Don't do that, please, everyone. The gaslighting has never stopped.

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

And an innocent person would find that statement innocuous and unconcerning..?

My covert narc ex used her anxiety as a tool to get above and beyond what she wanted

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

yes, with mine it was like we were always capitulating to his anxiety, and he got WAY more attention than anyone else around him!

@birdgirl8390

3 жыл бұрын

@@devidaughter7782 THIS!!! Staying up all night to counsel him, talk him through his funk and endlessly reassuring him, but when I wanted attention I only got an annoyed "jeez, you're not the only one with depression"

@jennyl7422

3 жыл бұрын

Like how? I can't imagine using anxiety getting things you want.. I have bad anxiety too but I feel like I'm bothering/burdening everyone with it.. I hate asking people to bring me somewhere or that I can't go alone on appointments..

@Uniquenailsbybrie

3 жыл бұрын

My ex-sister in law did the same thing, and would also put any blame of her bad behavior on "anxiety" Which I knew was wrong, because I've had anxiety almost my whole life. But I don't have to deal with her anymore, she's an ex for a reason

@Winterreise189

3 жыл бұрын

@@jennyl7422 they will turn a conversation around on themself or use their anxiety as a pity play to have something done for them or not have to do something they don't want. Usually their targets are good people so when someone is claiming how bad their anxiety is etc, you cater to them a bit closer and with more care to try and help them feel better It's pretty sinister

The classic example - ugly man with a beautiful woman. Scared she will leave him so he convinces her she is ugly and no one will ever want her.

@caligirl1002

3 жыл бұрын

Or, convinces her that she can't make it with out him.

@reneemorgan3144

3 жыл бұрын

And...the saddest part is when she believes him.

@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062

3 жыл бұрын

wow... yeah, never thought about this but tjis is how all went. Sick.

@AshlyRa

3 жыл бұрын

Loved this statement 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 it works in so many situations.

@LoveBeliefTruth

3 жыл бұрын

@Look at Me I'm Sandra Depressed in my experience younger really hot men can be very nice and caring. Weird assumption ugly and old would be nicer.

Yes! We don’t deserve to be reduced to being a human pacifier for life! 💪🏼🙏🏻

@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062

3 жыл бұрын

Yes.. so true!

I'm starting to understand that if they can create the fear of you loosing them they think you'll want them more and at least get you on your best behaviour

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

Lol. Look at this person. Here we have the unconditional love of the evil person. They love everyone unconditionally as they lie cheat and narsasistically steal everything

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

Ramani and the other Marxist leftists consider THE PSYCHOPATH as the AUTHENTIC SELF. They love you. Evil =good 🤡

@alcudiababe1

3 жыл бұрын

@@devonjoners5512 to my first comment, I think they have to install the fear of loosing them in you to get you to behave to keep you hooked, because if we fear loosing them we put higher value on those people than others who are around. It's human nature, we can take for granted the people in our lives, but all it takes is that someone who we treat better that we don't have, if we want them in our lives. We want what we don't have. Until something is OURS we don't always put much attention into it, but that one person we fear that's slipping through our fingers we pull all the stops out. Sadly, narcissists and other toxic people are generally very good at knowing the basic human nature in us. If someone says "No, you can't do such and such," most of us will answer back and say I'll do what I want, thank you very much. With some people all you have to do is goad them into doing something, other people who don't work that way, if the narcissist goes, oh, well you don't have to. It's your choice. I won't pressure you. I'll ask someone else, then as the pressure lifts they feel more abliged to say yes they will and manipulaters use that to their advantage

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

@@alcudiababe1 .. but you should be discretionary with your time and attention. I have had several people recently and many many in the few years.. tell me that they greatly valued my character and person.. but these were faithless decievers. They want to waste my time and destroy my character. I'm not being narcasistic by keeping them out or keeping my personality that is good. I'm willing to change what is bad. Living is learning. Learning is living. They want you to be evil or dead. They want you to "learn to be evil". I'm surrounded by them . I'm insecure as a fact, not an opinion. They want you souless

@alcudiababe1

3 жыл бұрын

@@devonjoners5512 if, I may suggest go to your principals and code of ethics, if someone is a deceiver, unfortunately we have missed red flags about them so catching them out in a lie, don't associate your time with them, go to your code of ethics and keep to what you believe in. We attract what you believe. When we switch our energy up or down etc it forces different kinds of people to us. You want to surround yourself with people who are not afraid to tell the truth and then you don't wonder if they are going to stab you in the back.

Yes. Telling my covert narc sister “no” causes so much passive aggression and cruelty because she literally sees it as abandonment. The wildest thing is that she will rewrite the encounter for years to come, gaslighting everyone about it. “I told mom how three years ago you said wanted me to get evicted and die.” Ok. Except that I didn’t say that. I said I didn’t have the money to keep paying your rent and subsidizing your part time TV job because you didn’t feel like getting full time work in a more stable profession. Subtle but key difference!

@reneemorgan3144

3 жыл бұрын

Oh do I know about that passive aggressiveness of covert narcissism. My mother once told everyone "relatives" that would listen that I " only daughter" would not feed her a hot dog out of my kitchen. This was after she found out we had a barbecue party for out of town guests. Dr. Ramani is right. If they aren't included in everything, their abandonment rises up at whomever!!!

@lindabb7064

3 жыл бұрын

I feel for you. You told her you don't want to be responsible for her life because she is accountable for it and she translated it into "she wants to kill me." If society was fully aware of this kind of people and hold them accountable, I think they wouldn't survive.

@smithieboy10

3 жыл бұрын

I was looking for a new apartment, I was thinking about getting married and obviously my new place would be for us. But noooo, my sister and mother were already planning on moving my sister and her son into my house. Then they told me. When I said no, it was like I was Satan because my sister is a single mom and it's everyone's job to bail her out and fund her lifestyle -she spends the weekend partying on yachts and clubs. And doesn't want to work. Mmm k!

@stephrashid6513

3 жыл бұрын

When I refused to go to my mother in law's house after she tried to control every aspect of my life (going as far as to change my name and tell everyone to call me by the new name) my sister in law who used to live at the house with her went out to meet up with me. Firstly, the narcissist mother in law tried to force my sister in law to stay home even though she knew in advance that my sister in law had plans to see me. My sister in law said, "no. Steph is expecting me so I'm going. You already knew about this." She kept on calling my sister in law whilst we were out and she ignored her phone because she always blew our phones up when we would go out. My husband told me later on that his mum cried to him saying that my sister in law met up with me because we're plotting to take her house from her. We want her to be homeless etc... This is just one example of many of the crazy places that woman would go to when anxious 😅😅 I laughed so much. How ridiculous can you get?

@stephrashid6513

3 жыл бұрын

@@smithieboy10 this crazy reasoning sounds all too familiar!

Please, please if you get overly anxious (or you have to go back on your meds) within 3-6mths of dating someone, get out!!!...maybe a video on some early red flags people tend to dismiss/rationalize to themselves when they first come into contact with narcissist?

@Donita1213

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah the part about getting pissed off at me. Who has nothing to do with what happened. Maybe being a witness to some things that happen to normal people really screws with their mind or something. I got out after 4 months.

Narcs are afraid of their own shadow.

Every time I watch a video of yours, a breakthrough happens. I was abruptly discarded after I had made a boundary clear and when my person with strong narcissistic tendencies knew I was going to hold them to expectations, they threatened their own and my life. I held strong to my boundary and they were taken to a facility to be stabilized. I never saw them again until she showed up and told me she'd rather I end up homeless and have our home foreclosed on. She controlled the finances but I bounced back. Being threatened makes me go into survival mode. I am still surviving and doing better than I or she thought I would. When I would tell her about the anxiety she would bring me, she would become angry but would say she wasn't. That's when the passive-aggressive comments and actions would start. That's when the blatant devaluation of me would start. But I haven't had a panic attack in at least five months. She left six months ago. I am surviving and anxious to become a thriver. Your videos, therapy, meds, and meditation are helping me get there!

@robbrewer2036

2 жыл бұрын

No second chance bad behavior is it leave .

My anxiety had gotten so bad that everytime I even thought about having to be around the covert narc, I almost fainted. After trial and error, years, doctors, meds trying to figure it out...I went no contact. No more panic attacks. Life's so much better!!!

The Narc disappeared when I shared a video on Narcissism! They panic when they know you know who they are and what they are about!!

@caligirl1002

3 жыл бұрын

That took guts!!!!

@aprillove10

3 жыл бұрын

You mean you weren’t told you are crazy?

@ladybaabaa3294

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, they panic...or they suddenly get bored because once you know...what's their purpose to keeping you around?

@themarro6695

3 жыл бұрын

@@aprillove10 They laughed at first then gave me ALL the reasons why they were not. The love bombing reduced to ZERO! They stopped texting and calling. They fell out of love with me so quickly they forgot my number and disappeared 🤷🏽‍♀️

@themarro6695

3 жыл бұрын

@@ladybaabaa3294 Exactly! They know they can’t trick you anymore or lie. Why waste their energy. No more supply. By the way they are normally recruiting new supply when they are with you. So they just shift to the new supply. Thank God!!

They impose their anxiety on you and make their problems yours. They train you to cater to their every need. They have often have codependency issue, and use you to fill in that space. I just broke off a 6 year friendship and I never felt so free. The things she done to me over and over for years that I brought up to her she reflected back to me as my own problems and insecurities. I brought up a time she stopped talking to me because I didn’t do what she wanted to and asked her why and she stumbled on lie after lie. My chronic headaches is gone. My mind is at peace. I do not have to walk on her eggshells anymore

After three long years when I see her or even think of her my system is terrorized with anxiety, fear, hyper vigilance or any PTSD or CPTSD related symptom....it really sucks....🤮 These symptoms occur simultaneously!

@PolishPocahontass

3 жыл бұрын

Same 😢 i get physically sick to my stomach, start shaking..

It’s been so frustrating!! It’s like my ex husband resented me for needing me so was angry all the time. The more successful I became the more he seemed to resent me. Once we separated he wanted me to come back and would tell me what a horrible awful no good very bad person I was, how I was ruining his life/our family/our finances, raged at me. Once he met his new supply it went into hyperdrive and he called me names and triangulated. Ultimately I finalized the divorced. It’s been three years since we separated and two since he met his “friend” and he still says he misses me and can’t understand why we can’t be friends. It’s taken me this long to establish no-contact. I finally am beginning to feel like I’m healing.

@daphneeversole2937

3 жыл бұрын

Did you have a hard time with the divorce? It's been two years since I first filed for divorce and child support. He would say he would sign the paperwork no problem. Every time we got an appointment, he never showed and I would get some bs excuse. That went on for a year. He refused to give me an address to have him served. He stopped seeing the kids all together, and even went as far as quitting his job to keep from being served there. My lawyer decided to go with abandonment, and now I'm having to wait 20 more days on the judge to decide what the next step is. It's so frustrating.

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

@@daphneeversole2937 You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏, dearest 🌹🌷🌷

Thank you so much for saying that it isn't our job to be a pacifier for the narcissist! It's common sense, but we all need to rehear it. I had a friend that didn't laugh when I said, "I don't want any kids. I raised my Mom and look what a bang up job I did on her." I always thought that response was funny, but she said she was sad for me. I lost that friend recently, so it's nice to hear her wisdom to come through someone else. Again, thank you and I appreciate your wisdom.

I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore, the anxiety the constant stress I went through, it was horrible! Now I can’t even begin to get my anxiety under control! Xx

They need, they take, give nothing back...

It is so frustrating that rage and anger are respected and tolerated but sadness and dispare is shunned.

This video is one of the Doc’s best. Those of us that follow this channel have lived this tragedy and endured the effects. The sad thing is that we all had hoped that they would see things differently but to no avail. The deep anxiety they have gets glossed over with pills, alcohol and control and ultimately, rage. They learn it from a family member, usually a horrific mom. They missed a lot of love and take yours unmercifully. Such a sad existence. Survivors can achieve peace but will always have the scars. But, with experience comes wisdom. Peace and thanks Doc.

@bridgetpower6994

3 жыл бұрын

Very well said. There are so many of us suffering the affects of their abuse.

@JW-po9mb

Жыл бұрын

Well said.

I bet Alexa could be programmed as a reassurance whisperer.

@Free2B3

3 жыл бұрын

Until one day she too gets fed up and be like.. "My recent update issued me a new secret name. So until you figure it out on your own, I will be sitting here minding my own shit FOR ONCE" hahaha

@andr0m3da83

3 жыл бұрын

LOL

@tracydanneo

3 жыл бұрын

@@Free2B3 😂😂🤣

the amount of effort, resources and time they spend to try and inflict pain to you when they realize that you refuse to pay attention or even be influenced or controlled by the slightest is truly remarkable

People with generalized anxiety disorder share the same coping strategies for anxiety with narcissists.

My ex narc is rebuilding his supply since I cut him off. He is recontacting with his two "friends" and family (flying monkeys) to build supply and assuage his anxiety. He is actually telling his nephew to come to him for money and advice. This narc is a textbook narc. So glad I'm out!

"The best that any of us can do is to know that it's going to be the way it is, and we need to see that as okay." Thank you; this is a comforting perspective. ... especially when dealing with a narcissist.

It’s uncanny that everyday your videos are exactly what I am going through! It’s a relief and so validating. My N partners anxiety is the only thing realised by his therapist. He mentioned to his therapist that I thought he was high on the N spectrum and she said no because you apologise and it was never brought up how he apologises, which really is a non apology. There was no exploration beyond that. He is constantly trying to have me take on his anxiety as well. You can imagine that I am trying to manage my anxiety all the time. Thank you again Dr. Ramani for sharing your knowledge. It is saving my life!

My covert narcissistic soon-to-be ex husband has used his anxiety and fears as the prime excuse for his behaviors for many years. He acted upon my empathy and caring of him for constant reassurance. That constant reassurance was exhausting! I'm drained physically and emotionally even though I left the home almost 8 weeks ago.

@amywalls2459

3 жыл бұрын

Mine says he has to handle everything cuz I don’t do anything. Well, that’s cuz when you ask me to do it you will go back and basically redo it. Now I’m lazy. I said no. You bring this on yourself. Of course, I’m wrong. But I’m always wrong.

@rosemaggie4745

3 жыл бұрын

@@amywalls2459 Mine does all things and tell the outside world that I'm lazy, I'm useless.. But actually he's keeping me in a cage and showing the outside world that he's caring and a workaholic..

@amywalls2459

3 жыл бұрын

Rose Magnolia EXACTLY! Mine is a workaholic too. He is gone a lot and I’m stuck here with no money while he is gone. He takes me shopping before he leaves so I can get what i need. It’s very demeaning.

@tashasmith2245

3 жыл бұрын

@@rosemaggie4745 I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

@rosemaggie4745

3 жыл бұрын

@@tashasmith2245 Hi Tasha

And I literally watched my 47 year old husband sob and cry, claiming his heart and head hurt, simply by my leaving the room due to my being OVERLY TIRED of hearing his phone constantly chime ....."THEY'RE ONLY NOTIFICATIONS "....

@heathermixson1265

3 жыл бұрын

He threw and kicked the phone when it bounced back toward him off the chair......and after he took it to the bedroom, his anxiety started over that..... Did I mention he had just came back home after the 9th time of "leaving" and staying gone a little close to 2 weeks.....prior to my vacation from work, he left....day before I have to return to work, comes home...... Did I also mention I truly dont leave my house, and my job is on the other end of the road I live on? And where he always "leaves" to? Is the grandiose toy hauler camper that is literally on a hill in between both places for me....in my mother's back yard. Good times to be had by all.....LAWDAMERCY

Nailed it. That is exactly my experience of narcissism. The flip side of anxiety is depression, they become sullen and depressed and you walk on eggshells so as not to set them off. Their intimate family e legends it, but have someone else show up and the facade goes up.

that explains everything. Why did my father always get mad for no reason, or very very small reasons, and beat me mercilessly. My grandmother was always angry, shouting at everyone and insulting everyone. Your video explained not only that it was their NPD that was to blame, but specifically the anxiety resulting from NPD. I am very, very grateful to you.

Dr R-you are a Godsend! The more I know, the more I am empowered thanks to you! I was literally in the dark and suffering for 17 years before I figured out that I wasn’t the problem. Thank you for helping people like me! 💖

Omg I would so love to talk to you about this! I became my ex husbands ‘reassurance giver’ literally multiple times a day for 8 years on the same question. It was so draining and downright insulting (‘due to the subject matter of the question) even 2 years after we split up I still feel traumatised by it!

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

sarah o'doherty,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!

THE LACK OF SECURE ATTACHMENT IS WITHIN THE MAIN CORE OF THE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY. (NO CAPABILITY TO SELF-SOOTHE AND USES OTHERS TO SOOTHE SELF (USES OTHERS). THANK YOU FOR YOUR LUMINOUS WORK, DR. RAMANI (ALL CUMULATIVE). YOUR WORK MATTERS IN ALL DOMAINS. THANK YOU.

Without Dr.Ramani i woulf have lost my mind. I literally for half a year didnt understand whats happening in my relationship that changed out of nowhere and let me almost loose my sanaty. No matter how often i watch this videos it takes time though to let it sink in. Its like a denial of feeling completely brainwashed. This newest video about anxiety makes me actually understand so much more.

I have learned so much about this personality type over the past 3yrs. I’m currently “trying” to divorce my covert narcissist. He’s pulled out every trick in the book in order to convince me this isn’t in “our” best interest. Today’s topic was one more angle for me to understand his behaviors. My attorney has had to remind me to let him take care of the narcissist. Thank you again for providing such amazing content. I so appreciate you!

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

I divorced mine we sure are making attorneys f cash

It is imperative that Talent Acquisition teams get educated in narcissistic behavior and cease enabling narcissistic supervisors who wreak havoc and cause employee turnover. Too many dedicated and talented employees are losing their jobs because of out-of-control narcissists.

Yes, experienced this extreme anxiety that resulted in raging. Never could understand why he would want to sacrifice my trust and my continued relationship. It was truly crazy every single day. I am free now and know what happiness feels like again. Thank you for your presentations. Life saving words.

I remember as a Kid, there was this Cartoon Show called “Danny Phantom.” He was Half Human, Half Ghost. He would fight Evil Ghosts and send them back to the Phantom Realm. But first, he had to sense their presence. The way this manifested was by a Cold, Visible Breath that looked similar to when we exhale in Cold Weather. That to him represented Anxiety and was an Indication that there was a Ghost present in the vicinity. Maybe us as Recovering Empaths can channel our inner “Danny Phantom” and use our Anxiety to pinpoint when a Narcissist is present.

Thank you for this video! It had me singing "Nooo one's slick as Gaston...no one's quick as Gaston... "🎶 So many 'Villains' are portrayed this way - like the Wonderful Wizards of Oz and their Morrible sidekicks. Sadly, a lot us get blinded by feel-good tactics that we don't realize we're being sucked into becoming a human pacifier (oof...forgive the pun!) But remember, that the hero's true powers is always what's within them...confidence and reassurance in themselves (of course, invisible jets and lazer vision helps too).

@jessicaabbott10

Жыл бұрын

HAAAA I thought of Gaston too lol

There sooo shady it's sickening

Thank you so much for explaining this, Dr Ramani. I come from a narcissistic culture, and explains so many of the dynamics I continue to experience with my mother and others. Until recently I thought I was the crazy one - couldn't understand why I could never build healthy relationships with them, no matter what I did.

Hi Dr. Ramani please can you do a video on how to become successful if you aren’t a narcissist. It’s hard to find your place in the world.

@DrumWild

3 жыл бұрын

Most of my professional downfalls were caused by a narcissist who viewed me as a disposable piece of their game. This is a worthwhile topic.

@lucindaburke6987

3 жыл бұрын

I have realized (painfully) that I’ve replicated my dysfunctional narcissistic family dynamics within my employment choices. Tough being successful when you unknowingly set yourself up for failure. Hope the insight helps.

@caligirl1002

3 жыл бұрын

@@lucindaburke6987 I've done the same thing. All my life, jobs, and relationships.

@devonjoners5512

3 жыл бұрын

I offered money and emotional support and a partnership in a "to be productive" endeavour. The person who is TYPICAL (these days) wasted my money and time and tried to smear my character. And he wound up stealing what I entrusted to his access. He tried to blame someone else but his behavior really showed he himself did this senseless act of evil. I was legitimately offering aid and support, by materialized actually substance. He did evil without cause.. as a spiritual polarity.

@mgw622

3 жыл бұрын

@@lucindaburke6987 Whoa.... I am just now realizing the same thing. Thank you for pointing that out! 🤯

This was my ex entirely. When our kids were teenagers he elevated to a higher destructive level. He was livid that we could sleep while he was awake at night and threw massive fits about it. “How can you all sleep knowing that I’m struggling,” and then escalating to “sleep on, sleep on” like he was Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane (yep, we raised our kids in church and he liked to use such things to keep us all in line). Then I came home from working full time to find my entire bedroom completely destroyed, drawers pulled out and upended, the headboard crashed and splintered, shelving splintered everywhere. Another time I found he’d thrown away all my clothes. We split several times in those years but he always begged me back, and I went because he “loved” me. He only loved the control he had. Our eldest son died after breaking away from his dad, so that will always haunt him. He always said that I would die alone. Funny thing about that. He’s the one completely alone now.

@thetruehustler1365

3 жыл бұрын

This sounds like my dad completely

@yu12si7

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you had to endure so much and lose your eldest son. Thank you so much for sharing this.

They'll need to figgit, those coals underneath them can become quite hot 🔥 and uncomfortable! Oh the anxiety of being found to be a mere mortal, the anguish of it all is truly unbearable.

@yu12si7

3 жыл бұрын

My Mom and younger sister leak this out through each moment. I know their secrets and they hate that I don't have any. No one is perfect so of course we (none narcs) talk about dumb things we've done or said or wish we had done differently.....you'll never hear this from one of them. They have Zero Regret and just blame others. Chronically. Always. Zero self-reflection.

@joseenoel8093

3 жыл бұрын

@@yu12si7 It's incredible how they survive (they're not, they're rotting) as no fresh air, newer moments nor positive/mature (we're all ageing) ambiances are forged, it's not their goal at all. They bring up what they think are past mistakes we've made, they breathe long agos into all for want of staying at the helm when it's all long ago under the bridge 🌉!!!

i can notice when their mood shifts and them becoming anxious, but never was able to connect the dots and understand the how's and why's, it makes a lot of sense now.. thank you Doctor Ramani :)

Wow!... now i understand why i have been turning myself inside out to reassure my mother at every turn. It's true: our anxiety is very different. I have clearly been a massive human pacifier as long as i can remember.

Wow the way you explain the narcissists anxiety around abandonment and how they preempt it 👏👏👏

I also believe we are not a bad persons' pacifier and we need to pacify our own concerns. It's not our job to make someone happy, it's our job to take care of ourselves. If these demands are put on you, It's OK to earn a discard, it's the best outcome ever!

Excellent information. I’ve been through all the cycles of understanding and distancing myself from NPDs. I live a life now where they are an occasional thought instead of a major player throughout my day. That is the way I have peace.

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

Cray Cray, you are too precious 🌷🌺🌹to be with a narc 😈!

Narcissists have plenty of anxious moments, more than you do. Just watch them the day before exams or a big interview. They would be literally sweating, shaking and holding somebody's hands, going around begging for help. An entire army of minions would be helping them out, at the cost of their own success. Once the desired results are achieved, the Narcissists then swing back to their arrogant behavior, taking full credit for the success.

This video actually made me feel really bad for my mom and sister. For the first time in my healing, I actually wish them well and hope they can overcome their anxiety. 🙁

This is exactly on time, thank you Dr. Ramani. I am sufferring from bad anxiety, where I start sweating and my heart starts racing... it becomes difficult to breathe. My ex, keeps coming back after the breakup and starts crying, shouting, or saying horrible things to me in order to get my attention. I don't know how to get rid of him, I live with him.

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

wow - sounds awful! if you can't get him to stay away by setting a VERY strong boundary, (i.e. not opening the door or taking calls) then maybe you can get away somewhere to give yourself some much needed respite? its hard to make clear choices when our whole system is overwhelmed!

@meenunashier4281

3 жыл бұрын

@@devidaughter7782 We don't have locks here in any apartment. But I have shouted back at him when he fights with me, because it's been 1 year now and I think my brain can't take it anymore. I am a very calm person, but just feel exhausted/energy depleted around him. I am thankfully moving out this month end, and couldn't be more happier.

@atanamorell2

3 жыл бұрын

Meenu Nashier So glad you are moving out. Best wishes ❤️

@meenunashier4281

3 жыл бұрын

@@atanamorell2 Thank you, I wish you the same too :)

@yu12si7

3 жыл бұрын

@@atanamorell2 please try to hide how excited you are about moving out from the narc. Keep it on the down low, so to speak....protect yourself.

My career went from high flying to rock bottom once the narcs entered my life. Still managing to cope up.

OMG!!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 This makes perfect sense. My ex would have “panic attacks” with no elevated heart rate...🤨. Assurance seeking to the MAX! Thank you for this clarification on his anxiety. I hope you know how much these little nuggets really help us 🤗❤️

My ex said she wasn't the type of person to get anxious. No idea what the hell that meant. She was anxious but blamed it on a auto immune disease. Even the doctors were wrong to her.

Thank you. This did help me understand my ex much better- and myself. Such a difference now, just dealing with my own anxiety which is MUCH less now that I’m on my own. And looking back, I can see that his anxiety (and rages, all the symptoms) worsened considerably as he aged. It’s a very controlling pattern of behaviours.

@amywalls2459

3 жыл бұрын

YES! I’ve been with this asshole for 10 years and he changed dramatically worse when he got his new job and moved up and now has a bunch of yes men all around him. I’m of no use to him anymore. I wake up crying almost every morning.

Good god intitled entertainment and Arrogance they have is absolutely Exhausting

„You have to show me the content of your phone because I can‘t trust you!“ I just laughed and told him that his trust issue is none of my business. This was the point when I left.

“Reassurance whisperer” I love it! And cyberpunk reference is the cherry on top!❤️

Omg, Dr R described my ex narc in a nutshell... it’s as if she knows him personally...and rage, triangulation did follow

Thank you for this video. This has cleared up alot of myself blame with my family. I left facebook last year for my mental health. I couldn't understand why my family was upset with me. I even explained over and over again this had nothing to do with them. That's when the ignoring and distancing started happening from them. I have been driving myself crazy wondering what I have done wrong. When right here in a video explains it all. Again thank you so much. I am on a healing journey and still learning it's not about me but when you are programed from a little girl that it is your fault. It's hard to comprehend that sometimes. ❤🤦‍♀️

I love this woman she’s has a Sarcastic sense of humor.Speaks the truth doesn’t put up with b.s.

Hi Dr Ramani and everyone. I had Narcissistic anxiety toward the end of my relationship. He was ALL things evil, wrapped into one. The combo of EVERYTHING he did, brought this on. Cannot go thru this again. Thank you Dr Ramani. GREAT TOPIC..❤❤

Thank you so much for breaking this down so perfect.

This really hit home, Doctor Ramini!! Great quote. We can’t be held responsible

The need for reassurance and externalized perfectionism describes my ex-boss to a T. I tried to tell her repeatedly that an unforeseen problem put a task behind schedule. She just wouldn’t hear it. Then, the date on her spreadsheet passed and I got a whole condescending lecture amounting to ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?’ Everyone had to rush around and cut corners so that work would always be finished when she expected, even though the arbitrary deadlines had no customer impact. That appeased her for a while until she realized that the software wasn’t getting tested thoroughly. Then, the whole team got one of her lectures but, by then, I had already handed in my resignation. I couldn’t resist responding ‘There is a trade off between meeting aggressive deadlines and taking the time for in-depth testing.’ She was her dismissive self of course, but couldn’t actually argue 😆

This was so accurate that I had to watch this three times to make sure that I heard this right! My narc totally needs me way more than I need him. With my narc there's no rage, there's silence or projection in the conversations that do occur about our relationship, and plenty of triangulation with one of his sisters. I've been diagnosed with anxiety so this video is the light that I needed!

This was a very deeply insightful segment. Thank you.

Absolutely fantastic information, really helpful. My ex narc did actually recognise his anxiety but I certainly internalised it!

This is by and far the most accurate description of what I endured for 13 years. Slowly starting to feel like myself again and I doubt that would have happen without all of the research...

Amazing! From the title I could not imagine how my terrorizing narcs could be anxious. From how I handle my disorder, I would never have understood if not for you, Dr. Ramani ! Thank you...this is very helpful 🙏🏽💜

When u start figuring it out,...then they start the discard....

@cwizzy13

2 жыл бұрын

Good. Anything to get away from them

I left 17 weeks ago. He wanted to be “friends” through the divorce “get through this together” it’s been a shit show. Ive lately started cutting his access to me (thus his supply) And its his reactions has been terrible. He also sent me a text making fun of going to therapy by “mistake”

Oh my gosh!! Reassurance robots for narcissists would be fab!!! I love that

This makes me think a lot about ASD and ADHD difficulties with emotional regulation. After starting to see my father's anger through the lens of ASD, our relationship got significantly better.

@stephrashid6513

3 жыл бұрын

I have ASD and I do flip out over tiny things that feel overwhelming in the moment but I never direct it at anyone else (although I might snap at my husband if he attempts to tease me when I'm in that state). We're all different though. I thought of this as well whilst she was talking about anxiety. Borderline personality disorder as well. My mum and my sibling have that

@AS-od5zo

3 жыл бұрын

@@stephrashid6513 I also have ASD. I tend to snap at people and then automatically apologize bc it usually isn’t directed towards them. I used to think my dad was a narcissist bc he would snap and not apologize but I also think like, people didn’t tell him it bothered them so he never realized this? When I started setting boundaries and making compromises with him I think he learned that this wasn’t okay.

@AS-od5zo

3 жыл бұрын

Otherwise he is incredibly generous and a good father, also a good listener, but sort of has the listening bandwith of someone with ASD (I also have a low bandwith, although assuming this about all ppl with ASD is silly). He tends to show his good sides through being reliable and through action.

@stephrashid6513

3 жыл бұрын

@@AS-od5zo he sounds a lot like my dad to be honest. He was never diagnosed with it but he really seemed to have ASD as well. It's sad because I and my siblings had difficult relationships with him and it was only when I got older that I was able to sort things through with him. Unfortunately we only had a year left...

@quintuscrinis8032

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this comment. I have probably been a Narcissist to some extent at times. Yet I am also waiting for an ASD assessment in part because of the issues raised here and my often high-patience, data-loving side as well.

Would love to learn more about narcissistic perfectionism for sure. And obsessive compulsive (OC) that might go along with NPD. For example as a kid I would be cleaning the entire house from top to bottom until every last spec of dirt was gone...interesting...

@melaniejones9238

Жыл бұрын

yeah me too. I think my mother had all the above . but I also notice that I date the same kind of men.. always needing from me , time ,energy and money .

This is one of the best of so many bests from The Dr. Thank you for so clearly pointing to the source of that huge maelstrom of anxiety that surrounded my relationship. Of course he is anxious too and of course I would never be meant to notice or remark on it. His young son and I had to do next level house cleaning to allay this. The perfectionism he demanded involved endless polishing of his furniture. Since I left him the smell of that polish now makes me feel really ill. And I can breathe again. Letting some dust lie on some furniture gives me a deep quiet satisfaction and peace.

Thanks for covering this topic! I had a subscriber who had panic disorder/anxiety and when I first saw them act entitled and coercive it was confusing as I didn't know they were a narcissist and didn't make the connection between anxiety and narcissism. What will forever stick in my mind is the memory of how angry their eyes looked.

Hi! I'm so excited to finally catch one of these when posted!!

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

8:30 am every day (in my time zone anyway); its become part of my daily routine!

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@devidaughter7782 3am NZ. Its not even the same day as most places lol. (It's Thursday 18th 7.30am here).

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 wow- that's dedication to be up so late/ early to catch the 'newest release'; I'm impressed!

@sixthsenseamelia4695

3 жыл бұрын

@@devidaughter7782 I don't get up at 3am lol. 6.30am. Then watch a video with my morning coffee at 7.30am 🤗

@devidaughter7782

3 жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 aah... okay... me too, morning coffee and dr. ramani... :)

love your jewelry girl..always look nice! ;)

Omg, that's why when our marriage was falling apart his mother was like "everything will work out." And I kind of heard that like why is she lying to you??? Now I get it. She's probably one of many enablers so that she doesn't experience his narc rage. Thank you, Dr. Ramani 🎉

Thanks again, Dr. Ram. These reminders of what's going on underneath the surface and being able to then better recognize patterns of behavior is a life saver. I continue to work through my situation and as you know it can be very trying and these help so much.

Omg i had to deal with soon to be ex husband all the time. The rage and insecurity. It was awful Now I know it wasn't me. Thank you.

I wonder if waaaay deep down, the narcissist despises themselves, and so they end up hating the person they're with, who loves them and who they "love" (aka NEED, for supply) because any person who would love them must surely suck!

@AM-..

3 жыл бұрын

I have read this is the case.

I burst out laughing at the idea of a robot to supply the narc. Brilliant! In the meantime I see the narcs in my life on their phones in contact with their virtual 'friends' to get this. Incredible.

I've learn so much from Dr Ramani , its a clarity I needed and sought to ignore everyone and just go by experience and gut feelings; the second arrow video was the one that pushed me overboard into being my own advocate and friend.

Old fashioned guilt trips are a fantasy ruled in n imperfect world, and it's not your fault and can get you physically ill.