You are not obligated to forgive anyone, at ANY time, if you're not ready to. Nobody has the right to force you into it.

@chrismccloskey2502

24 күн бұрын

Amen! F'the bf and the bro can change, but they've already shown that they are not trustworthy. So, there is no loss and no need for reconciliation.

@heavenlysenju9948

24 күн бұрын

Because it's hard on a good person's spirit to be hateful. Especially so, if it's towards people who are actively seeking forgiveness and showing true repentance. Prisoners who are falsely accused and spend a long span of their lives in prison often don't come out angry for the injustice done to them, instead they're just thankful that it's better now. Don't get it twisted though, some people do deserve to be hated forever. As my pops says "Duck em and feed em fish heads".

@Vikashar

24 күн бұрын

@@heavenlysenju9948 Not forgiving doesn't always mean hating. Sometimes it just means you don't forgive them, nothing more.

24 күн бұрын

​@@heavenlysenju9948hateful insinuates I even think of them. If someone damaged me to that extent they aren't anything anymore to me, that's all: there isn't space in my mind to hate, there is only indifference to them

@Toonwalla2010

24 күн бұрын

This. I always hated that saying "Forgive and Forget" because there are simply some things that cannot be forgiven or forgotten (or both). Forgiveness is something that can only be given at the right time and when someone is ready to give it. It cannot be demanded by anyone else. If you try forcing someone to forgive then it not forgiveness, it's manipulation and guilt tripping. If anything, forcing a "forgiveness" from someone only makes them more resentful inside. If a person does not feel like they can forgive then that is okay, so long as they learn to let go of the toxic resentment/hatred because that stuff will eat at you from the inside out. You don't have to forget the pain or the hurt and you don't have to forgive the one who hurt you. But you can move on and find something better and leave the ones who hurt you behind.

"I'm proud of you for being gay" is such a June 1st statement

@princessmarlena1359

23 күн бұрын

Right? I would have replied “Tell me you are being disingenuous, without telling me you are being disingenuous.”

Remember... no one is entitled to forgiveness and no one is obligated to forgive. Especially if you are a AH like OP brother.

@chrismccloskey2502

24 күн бұрын

And, the bf.

@anthrolover100

24 күн бұрын

@@chrismccloskey2502 Seem I'mma disagree on the BF part. He didn't blow it out of proportion, he didn't turn it into an ultimatum, He didn't tell the OP that he NEEDED to forgive his brother. He just saw his BF at the time doing something he didn't agree with and talked to him about it like any adult would. I mean if your SO was doing something you thought was wrong and completely out of character for him you would say something nicely right? And let's be honest if you see your SO treating someone in the family in a way you find rude or wrongly, for lack of a better word here, wouldn't it make you reconsider how you see things? Like if your SO was being, in your eyes, a "dick" to say his younger cousin it would make you think how they would treat your kids or younger family members right?

@RandomTrinidadian

24 күн бұрын

​@@anthrolover100 imagine thinking cutting a biggot out of someones life is a bad thing.

@CinnamonBob

24 күн бұрын

​@@anthrolover100 I mean the boyfriend definitely wasn't wrong for feeling the way that he did or for choosing to step back as a result of op's behavior but at the same time your significant other "Should" hear you out and do their best to support you or help you see from a different perspective rather than call you an AH for making what is actually a very serious decision with no right or wrong answer

@princessmarlena1359

23 күн бұрын

@@chrismccloskey2502 agreed. The BF should have heard out OP rather than judging him.

Op 1’s BF needs to stfu and stay in his place he isn’t the AH for feeling how he feels forgive on your own terms if you don’t wanna deal with that bullshit especially after the fuckery that happened who the fuck is the BF or anybody to tell him he’s the AH so stick one up there and see who’s the AH fr..

@moviegal6000

24 күн бұрын

Totally agree. The BF is completely out of line. You are under no obligation to forgive anyone and if you do it is your right to do it on your timeline.

@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681

24 күн бұрын

Calm Down ya PMSing f k boy

@sammielopez620

22 күн бұрын

Oh yes, the bf is also an asshole with a capital A. That right there is a textbook definition of emotional abuse.

It's very odd to me all the people that are trying to convince him to get back together with an abusive family member that type of thing might not be as common as physical emotional or financial abuse but what the first guy's brother did was a form of abuse

@princessmarlena1359

23 күн бұрын

And the brother isn’t truly sorry or he wouldn’t be so nasty to OP for refusing to forgive him.

@panickygoblin

22 күн бұрын

@@princessmarlena1359 i wouldnt say he was being nasty. overly insistent? absolutely, but not nasty

@princessmarlena1359

22 күн бұрын

@@panickygoblin either way, forgiveness cannot be forced. To me, it shows the person insisting on it only wants forgiveness to save face or to virtue signal.

I really dislike when ppl try to guilt them into forviving by wording it as "forgive for yourself" no? Lol thats not how that works.

@hypochlorite

18 күн бұрын

Whenever someone tells me to forgive someone for "myself", I let them know I can exercise forgiveness in hell.

I mean good for OP forgiving their brother. But I can't do that, my sister outed me being bi and having a woman as my fiancee. That caused me and Dad to have a screaming match and we went no contact for 6 months. I have forgiven my Dad because everyone told me as soon as he hung up he realized what he had did and was inconsolable for all those months. My sister enjoys being gossipy so she is dead, and buried to me. She had no reason to do that, I did so much for her and protected her from a lot of BS she had to deal with but she stabbed me in the back.

@kandaceanderson8262

24 күн бұрын

Thats different tho your sister is basking in the torment she calls you but in this particular situation the brother apologized realized that he was in the wrong and is doing everything he can to prove that he has changed and come around your sister did no such thing so it's okay for you to still consider your sister dead to you but in this case the brother isn't repentant so to speak

@vanzy01

23 күн бұрын

💯👍🏿

@Nexidal

23 күн бұрын

When I heard that line about anger at family being painful to hold onto it did whatever the opposite of resonate with me is.

@derekjohnson8910

13 күн бұрын

Apples and oranges. The brother in the story was in a stagnant pond and actually grew up when he entered broader waters. He was an awful kid but grew out of it and ultimately let the reconciliation happen on OP’s terms. That’s the telling part that shows he’s genuine: most people seeking forgiveness do grand gesture after grand gesture, or push the forgiveness train so hard because it’s about alleviating their own guilt. The genuinely remorseful say their piece and let whatever happen may. There’s no indication your sister isn’t the goblin she was when she outed you, and would likely do something similar just to stir the pot if she gets bored or just a wild hair.

You’re not obligated to forgive anybody. Even if they do change you still don’t have to forgive them. Forgiveness should never be forced on anybody.

Story #1: NTA. Hilarious how the brother put so much effort into trying to destroy OP's social life, but as it turns out, he wasn't able to amass a gang of homophobes to join him. It's for the better that the boyfriend got to stepping, because he was _way_ too bold in aggressively inserting his opinion into something that did not involve him. If he decided to mend fences with his brother, that's fine, but as long as it's based on his own decision.

@vanzy01

23 күн бұрын

💯👍🏿

ST1 The cheek of the brother to blame depression for how he acted, depression doesn’t make you bully people especially your own brother, depression doesn’t make you out someone for being gay, he acted the way he did because he’s an absolute W⚓️.

Idk how the internet can turn you against your own brother. What kind of influences was he looking at? And how could his love for his brothet not override that?

@southernflight5078

24 күн бұрын

You'd be surprised how many fools let themselves fall into an echo chamber.

@lyraflow9154

24 күн бұрын

Red pill podcasts are quite in the run when it comes to spreading brain rot

@SnowyWolborg

24 күн бұрын

Don't underestimate what happens when someone is deep in an echo chamber and strangers are telling them exactly what they want to hear. If someone is not particularly strong in thinking for themselves, convincing them that some straight BS is correct isn't easy.

@alyssat7809

24 күн бұрын

I absolutely DESPISE my brother

@krazykrazy8513

24 күн бұрын

@@alyssat7809why

I’m surprised the brother changed at all. OP 1 was far more merciful than I would ever be.

You can't force forgiveness. They only want to shame OP and force him/her into silence and compliance. Ridiculous. Stay strong OP!

People can change yes but that doesn’t mean you have to forgive them for their past treatment.

Forgiveness should only be given if OP is ready to forgive. Not when someone else asks for it.

It is your choice if you want to forgive. I would recommend talking to him and spending limited time to see if he changed. I have known a guy in high school that was a terrible bully. Today he volunteers in helping former prisoners intergrade back into society. He even hosts game nights every Friday to make sure that they dont do something stupid. I used to hate him, and now I actually call him a friend. Moral is that while personally i believe that most ahole stay aholes, some can change.

Last story. Would love for OP to go to the APs home, and in front of his family, tell him who he is. Even if he wasn’t married at the time, if he is now, it’s going to crush that relationship. Also, OP can now go out and meet other people. Even if he doesn’t see anyone else, he should go out like he is for some time, so the other wife really and truly knows the pain she’s caused OP, and the level of guilt she’s inflicted on their daughter. And isn’t there a son also? Surprise her with a sit down with him and tell her it’s time to explain things to him.

Forgiveness is overrated.

@aleksandarvil5718

23 күн бұрын

IKR 😂

you're entitled to an apology, you're not entitled to forgiveness

Story 1: no matter if they’re reconciling, OP ignoring the brother and icing him out at the family get together was valuable and important I think. With that happening, the brother got a feel for the pain he caused OP, plus the knowledge that he’s the source of the pain for both of them. Without that, even if he’s truly remorseful, he still wouldn’t understand the helpless pain he caused.

S1, you don't need to forgive or talk to anyone if you don't want to. People who try to force you to that way of thinking. They can leave as well.

S3 nta you're so justified in the feeling of deceit and betrayal. You can't forgive but you can move on

Story 1 last comment ignores how dangerous manipulative family members can be by feigning guilt and asking for forgiveness. Its also just as corrosive to force yourself to pretend to forgive as it forces you to lie to yourself to keep up a charade. Its also damaging to teach people that their emotions make them terrible for simply feeling them. Treating anger as something inherently bad to feel is just a way to shame and emotionally blackmail people, usually victims of injustice, into social obediance, and not seeking vindication. Lastly, holding onto anger doesn't mean being angry all the time. It just means knowing someone is potentially harmful to you and not being stupid enough to allow them to hurt you again. Its only "tiring" when you let it consume you. Otherwise, it's like any other emotional experience.

Story 2: OP in NTA. I feel bad for the BM because she made a mistake but she has to pay for it now. That's on her

My sister apologized for doing some awful things when I was little. I always had a memory but I finally put it into context. She locked me out into an unheated back porch for hours when I was three with only cat food to eat and I got hospitalized with pnuemonia shortly after that (not sure if that was related) thanks for the apology sis!😒 Edit processing and releasing your anger doesn't need a sticker with "forgiveness" written on it to make it effective

NTA he’s allowed to feel how he wants and so are you. You don’t have to accept an apology nor interact with someone to appease others. That’s weird behavior in itself.

1st op's boyfriend shouldve stayed out of it besides being a listener, and the fact that he felt the need to pressure him into reconciling with his brother by practically threatening to break up with him is insane. its nice that op and his brother are making up, but it shouldve happened under better circumstances if at all

why did 3 story op just ignore all the red flags omg

I havent spoken to my brother in 12 years. I'm doing just fine.

Story #1: OP = NTA The World's Smallest Violins 👌🏻🎻👌🏻🎻👌🏻🎻👌🏻🎻👌🏻 for Bio - _"brother"_ 😂😂😂!!!

Story 1, Op needs to get rid of the bf too, hell naw i wouldn't want anyone who hurt my partner back into their life especially in this situation, Bruh op's bf is stupid, because i would not forgive that person who hurt my partner at all, i don't care how much that person cry etc, I'm not making my partner forgive them. Edit good their not together anymore, I hope the ex doesn't do the same thing in any other relationship and actually stop and think before saying that.

@whitebunnyfromfnafworld7268

24 күн бұрын

They aren't together anymore

@momoangel9243

24 күн бұрын

@@whitebunnyfromfnafworld7268 I know I just got to the update about to edit my comment, but thanks tho.

@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259

24 күн бұрын

You're reading too much into this as I did. It's easy to judge someone from one instance in a story

@southernflight5078

24 күн бұрын

​@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 gotta be careful. Some people love to stomp on boundaries and then claim it's because they care about you. The BF gives me the vibe that he'd find more "ways of caring" that would've strained the relationship anyways.

@CinnamonBob

24 күн бұрын

​@@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259 yea well sometimes that's all you need depending on the gravity of their actions In this case instead of hearing op out or gently trying to help them see a different perspective the boyfriend called op an AH for behaving in what seemed to be a mostly cordial manner, that in itself is a warning that the boyfriend is overstepping in a situation that both is very serious and has no right or wrong answers

My brother outed me to my religious parents to get back at them and me. I thought it was because he was autistic. Found out it's because I was right wing. Luckily, only my dad became distant.

@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259

24 күн бұрын

I'm so sorry. I assuming you couldn't have said he was lying. For your survival not your dad's sake.

@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259

24 күн бұрын

So sorrey

@Kris-wo4pj

24 күн бұрын

How are ya gay and right wing that makes no sense to me

@AtheAetheling

24 күн бұрын

​@@Kris-wo4pjlots of gay people can be right wing because the left wing is currently insane.

@fennekinflames7095

24 күн бұрын

​@@Kris-wo4pj they're stupid, that's how.

Forgiveness = #OVERRATED !!!

Dude got gas lit into forgiving his brother by ppl, you don't NEED to forgive ppl, his ex boyfriend is manipulative, "ill leave if you don't" smh, if you don't want to forgive you don't have to

Second story totally nta you didn't have adopt her kid and she's clearly still totally toxicity

The brother wants OP to forgive him just for his own selfish, ego stroking, personal desire for closure. He is NOT truly sorry or he wouldn’t be acting this way. He is NOT reformed, NOT changed, NOT a good person.

Story 2 it's nice to hear how on the ball op was.

S1 nta that level of toxicity has no right to demand forgiveness I doubt it his change

2nd story: South Korea is a good country to go to if you are worried that a family member might kidnap your kid.

Good job Big Brother, your drama cost your sibling a partner. Good job messing his life up again.

@ColinsTravels

24 күн бұрын

If you're referring to S1, not exactly. The OP's later post (5:18) explicitly states that the OP and his BF broke up due to unrelated reasons.

@MacerXGP

24 күн бұрын

​​@@ColinsTravelsYour first mistake is expecting people to actually finish the story before giving half-baked responses

@ColinsTravels

24 күн бұрын

@@MacerXGP I was just being nice in comments…

@southernflight5078

24 күн бұрын

​@@ColinsTravels the way OP worded it makes me think the ex was looking for an excuse to go out and have fun with someone else. Usually that wording is used by people who don't want to involve others when it turns out their partner(not married) was unfaithful and there really isn't much to be done but move on.

People reaaally overstate how harmful it is to hold a perfectly reasonable grudge. its a natural emotion driven by a basic sense of self-preservaton, not stabbing yourself.

“Proud of me for being gay”? What?

I don’t like this story. OP was successfully gaslit into thinking he owed his brother forgiveness. His bf is a jerk.

Story 3 - throat cancer check for HPV

Story number one I have a different situation I'm an older man and my relatives two of them in one family have accused me of doing stuff that I never ever did, one of them accuse me of staring at her boobs and the other one is her brother and accuse me of hitting on his girlfriend his idea of hitting on his girlfriend was because I said oh you're a very pretty girl one time and just because he's such an introvert he can't even tell his own girlfriend she's pretty because I said it one time now that labels me as a pedophile and his sister his mother and his sister both have mental issues they both been in mental places you know institutions and apparently because of their background and other family members doing something like that to them now it labels me as this kind of creep well I have distance myself from them no one else in the family believes them all the female relatives in my family they don't believe them they think they're full of crap, well I'm getting tired of people labeling me as this just because I'm 67 years old doesn't make you a creep because you tell a young woman she's pretty I'm tired of this mindset that just because you're old you're a creep now that's disgusting you people's mind is sick to go there immediately, and I personally will never forgive them for trying to label me this way when I have the most protective person in my family of anybody if I found somebody doing that to my younger cousin I would probably beat them to death but now all of a sudden I'm labeled this by two of my family members because they have a mental issue, and I find it virtually impossible to forgive them for this

Story #2: OP = NTA & MOTHER 💯🦾

The thing with forgiveness, it’s for the one that was hurt, not the one who hurt the person. Even though I’m all for giving people a second chance, some people have to earn it through extreme blood, sweat, and tears.

Honestly op's brother is a dick head grown or not doesn't take back what you've done in the past. However, the biggest villain in the story is op's boyfriend taking the brother's side. Even though the brother himself claimed he completely understood why op felt how he did. The boyfriend was just sticking his nose in other people's business trying to stir drama. That's all that was. Who knows. Maybe he even has the hots for op's brother

The BF in story 1 likely either cowtow's to his homophobic relatives and wants everyone to suffer or he just wants the brother.

Fake

Thats kinda gay

Story 3 this man needs to divorce asap. Instead of being the caretaker for a cheating wife. Let chad come and take care of her. But this doormat rathe blame the ap than his 304 disabled wife

@cototototorra7106

24 күн бұрын

like fr, all he is gonna acomplish if he sticks around is falling for her, again

He doesn’t have to forgive his brother but people calling his brother “abusive” are unhinged. Like yea bro think about the long term consequences of your actions at a time in your life where your brain literally isn’t developed to do such a thing.

one of the reasons it is not the best idea for taking in the sex trophies of garbage siblings or other so called 'famblee' members

Pretty gay

If nothing really happened then OP just being petty

Oh yeah, I forgot its June. Here come the "I'm a gay victim" Reddit stories Fuck

@brighterphantom4530

17 күн бұрын

I'm not a fan of victimization, but this isn't that.

Everyone in the comments is miserable

@someone_689

24 күн бұрын

true

@CinnamonBob

24 күн бұрын

They read a miserable story what would you expect aside from a miserable response?

Holy crap, the comment section here is bitter.

these comments are pretty cringe. get a life