Reminds me of those times I was home alone in the morning binging and purging and then exercising to heavy metal music until I collapsed

@Harajukubarbie333

3 жыл бұрын

Better than me

@chiara6942

3 жыл бұрын

I don't think we're trying very hard starving, compulsive exercise but not losing any weight, one of my brother loses weight by just sitting all day And binging like fucking carbs and sugar. And last day I asked him " I'm so tired of my life, how come you lose weight by eating fucking 10000 calorie bing every single day? And here I'm extremely exercising from yrs not eating any meals still gaining weight? ,( Im almost sleep deprived extremely malnourished, in survival mode , still fat , not eating enough) and he gave me precious answer that exercising makes you healthy, and sitting all day long makes your body waste away and thin that's why I'm skinny' the fact is this doesn't works for me if I stop exercise and sit like him all day long playing games and still eat less & better than him I'm still not going to lose weight despite I will actually going to gain more Weight 😣 water fasting is so common for me but last week I done 4 days dry fasting While traveling and I actually gained 4 kgs now tell me god are you really so shit don't body maths work here anymore? 😣😫😩Now I just want to die

I heard Decadence and Disorder for the first time 5 years ago when I was still flirting with disordered eating, though not yet all in. Currently I'm in the hospital on a feeding tube and I'm kind of crying. It's been a long journey. I just want to get better.

@coni4702

5 жыл бұрын

Hope you are okay now

@kartiokotilotuutle9321

4 жыл бұрын

I hope you're fine too... 😢

@sophieyoung3519

4 жыл бұрын

i hope you're better now..

@anni.203

4 жыл бұрын

hope you are feeling better now..♡

@charlieandhisantics9954

2 жыл бұрын

It's been 3 years, are you still here?

This lowkey slaps as workout music 🤷‍♀️

this came at a perfect time i was literally at the gym running at midnight and stayed until past 3 am why am i like this

Damn...you captured it so perfectly. That's what I suffered and continue to deal with today when I had my eating disorder. I could never sit still, and even if I was sick or tired, I always managed to push myself...this really reminds me in a non-triggering way of where I was, and how far I've come since then. Now, I have such a better relationship with exercise, but there is still work to do. I would say this song is one of those things you show to someone who doesn't know what it's like to deal with an eating disorder, who say eating will make everything better, or just not "listening to the voice."

@hellomickey6166

4 жыл бұрын

Casey Hannah today I cant exercise because of backpain after sit up 200x in a day Shit I have to burn calories 😑

@Harajukubarbie333

4 жыл бұрын

Hello Mickey omg hope you feel better I used to bike for hours everyday my legs would be so sore but I didn’t care

id go for midnight runs but my town has a curfew :( so I have to run in the sun which I hate because it's not cool like the nighttime.

@Harajukubarbie333

4 жыл бұрын

XxavacadosxX what kind of country you live in lmao I can go out whenever I want but my mom has a curfew for me so I couldn’t

I wouldn't say I have OCE but I'm getting to the point where if I eat I feel like I have to burn it off. I freak if I eat more than 1000 cals at most. I used to eat twice that maybe more depending on the day. My life's so much different in that way but it feels really good.

@Harajukubarbie333

4 жыл бұрын

Alice Williams you probably just have anorexia because I feel like that too but I do go crazy if I can’t exercise or bike

@tahraethestoryteller6079

2 жыл бұрын

@@Harajukubarbie333 there’s no “just” with Anorexia

This made me cry... So damn recognizable...

I so wish I could run,I was a compulsive walker until chronic pain and osteoporosis set in really bad around 32

@senmithrarin1912

6 жыл бұрын

Christina Pochna I got chronic pain in third grade so I compulsively walk, but damn I wish I could run

@rosevampire3755

4 жыл бұрын

Same but, I walk, I’ve never been able to run properly because I’m hyper mobile and my ankles just give way or get badly damaged from the impact of running.

@ADevilFromHeaven

3 жыл бұрын

Is the pain and osteoporosis a complication of your ed?

@percival413

3 жыл бұрын

@@ADevilFromHeaven probably, in a few of of herbs and altars' vids he talks about how being eating disordered really fucked up their bone density and that they've been scared to get their density tested (?) because he's pretty sure he's got osteoporosis and he's in a similar age range (though mostly recovered by now)

@marketa902

2 жыл бұрын

@@percival413 yeah, that is pretty possible.. being malnourished + drinking 0 pepsi all day long (worst thing for ur bone health - phosphoric acid fucks ur bones rapidly, same with too much coffee :) + extreme exercise = fucked up bones (and overall body health ofc) also when you dont eat, you dont have any CALCIUM, D VITAMINS + COLLAGEN and other minerals + vitamins which are often needed to bude consumed with food otherwise body just cant process them (for example fat soluble vitamins wont work with no consumed fat)) well this dude explains it well togethes with types how to prevent and even reverse begining osteporosis - kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZIWqkpOQltSZfLQ.html&ab_channel=KenDBerryMD

It’s midnight and this makes me wanna go run but my parents would get mad This song is lit btw Starts at 01:49

the lyrics in this song still hit me to my core, such a dark yet powerful song, incredible writing ...

Woke up at 5am for a walk and had this song stuck in my head. Oops

wow i love this song... totally speaks to what i feel a lot of the time as a disordered person and doubles as workout music lol.

I’m still struggling with this I eat the smallest meals and went on the treadmill and burned double the amount of calories around 11pm for 2 hours non stop running until I couldn’t breathe then I would do 100 sit-ups and then would do more running in the morning and again at night it’s sad how I’m still doing this but I can’t stop it’s a voice in my head who keeps telling me not to eat and when I do eat I over exercise honestly I don’t know how to stop

@Harajukubarbie333

3 жыл бұрын

I wish I don’t have exercise equipment so I bike but it doesn’t burn as much as I’d like

@sarahdowney6697

3 жыл бұрын

I would recommend help therapist. You don’t have to go threw this alone

I’d run and I mean run to I physically couldn’t go any further and I wouldn’t eat for days straight just to see how far I could go

@ankitamandal18

3 жыл бұрын

i hope u r alright now,

still love her music ...

This is one of my all time favourite songs.

@MatthewC33199

4 жыл бұрын

Same here

Is that electric guitar? Or what instrument? I’ve always loved it.

❤️❤️❤️thank you for this

This is just perfect! I love your songs so much💜

I love your music!! Please make more!❤❤❤❤

Amazing music as always. Very powerful.

I’m realizing, unless u have plenty of love and support, once you fall down this path, it’s very hard to get out. It’s been 5 years. And the sad part is, something very crucial is often missing which leads to sinking into an ed in the first place. But the missing factor makes it hard to recover.

I love this song loads !!

Yesssss!!!!!!!!

So relate me always😭 I always get cramp at night and waking up fast makes my heart pound so fast ( feel dizziness) that's not even that fast 😞, I'm not hungry all days long but if I'm going light on workout I get hungry on like rest days, so I continue extreme 3 to 4 hour session and 1 to 2 hrs medium pace workouts and some other 1 to 2 hrs light execise a day 😖 and its hurt by not losing any weight

@ADevilFromHeaven

3 жыл бұрын

I feel your struggle... Compulsive over exercising really sucks....

This song is awesome to go on midnight runs with

Who else is listening while running at midnight 🖐🏻 The side of my foot is really hurting tho does anyone know why?

@Harajukubarbie333

3 жыл бұрын

Well if you’re running ofc your foot will hurt

@josephcascino9521

3 жыл бұрын

My butthole hurts and I know why

@justtamara1278

3 жыл бұрын

@@josephcascino9521 PLS lmaoo I hope ur doing better now tho

@charlieandhisantics9954

Жыл бұрын

Maybe you rolled your ankle or your shoes aren't the best. Also, I really hope you're better now. Having an ED fucking sucks.

"all i want to be is happy. and fucking skinny as hell."

I wish I wasn't turning 38

@Harajukubarbie333

4 жыл бұрын

Chris universe i-

I'm so unlucky. I have astma so i can't run long until i start panting but i still do run but its hard ig i just have do deal with it

ME FOR 2 YEARS OH MY GOODNESS I'm still here 9 months later doing the same shit 3 years. i turn 15 this year... go to hs in august :) still here a year after posting this comment. still the same.

LMAOOO I GOT A MYFITNESSPAL AD BEFORE THIS VIDEO

my whole body hurts from over exercising despite fasting

@ADevilFromHeaven

3 жыл бұрын

seriously i think this might be worst ed behaviour as of now...

@BlueFlower___

3 жыл бұрын

I hope you get in a better state soon :( 🖤

@ADevilFromHeaven

3 жыл бұрын

@@BlueFlower___ Still struggling but thank you ❤

Not a doordash ad 😭😭

We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't eat!

@tieKITE

3 жыл бұрын

Losing weight’s so easy when you just don’t eat..

@microwavedbutter1659

3 жыл бұрын

@@tieKITE i was actually quoting the song "Rockstar" by nickelback

@Harajukubarbie333

3 жыл бұрын

It is easier. When I’m eating regularly I maintain and when I restrict I lose a little everyday. Feels so good am I right

@ADevilFromHeaven

3 жыл бұрын

@@Harajukubarbie333 I just wish I could keep restricting though? I just start bingeing after a while and then i'll have to purge or exercise like crazy... So my weight just keeps jumping up and down and up and down ....

Im anorxia