Years of struggling with other people overlapping my poor eyesight with my lack of attraction had pulled me into trying hard to be straight. I dated, didn't like it and I am glad I stopped way before "going to bed" with that guy. I did not feel that way, I did not find him attractive, I don't find most men not even aesthetically pleasing not even famous people. I tested myself, searched for all those "hot famous guys" pictures, nope, I don't have a crush on any actor/athlete/musician/etc. And it has nothing to do with being legally blind. I am so proud to finally be able to shut up those people who entangled 2 of my minority identities for so long. You have no idea how liberating this is. Thank you for sharing your videos.

@swankivy

7 жыл бұрын

Even people who have no disabilities or complicating identities will get arguments against their asexuality being valid--it's unfortunate that if you do have a disability or difference, people will blame your asexuality on it, and if you don't, they'll just make one up for you because the REAL reason they don't believe you is that they are not listening and not accepting. They'll look for an excuse to blame, and if they can't find one, they'll invent one. You'd think they'd be embarrassed when they realize they're actively searching through their thoughts to find a reason why "she's asexual" can't be the actual reason, but they're not. They're just that sure it isn't real.

I'm an asexual with a lot of complicating factors as you put it. I'm chubby, autistic, and have had some traumatic past experiences to do with sexuality. I think it's important for people like me to be in the community. It may seem like we might damage more "mainstream" asexual movements, but at the same time, I have the feeling that we also help other people who are the same as us to understand that just like it's not wrong for "mainstream" asexuals to be aseuxal, it's not wrong for us either even if we do have complicating factors or maybe even reasons. Thank you so much for this video. I always love watching them.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

LoligothRosePrincess Yes, exactly! And it's not a matter of us less complicated "cases" deciding to "let" anyone be in the movement; folks with unusual pasts and circumstances and intersections ARE the movement. Suggesting that they can't identify as asexual or it might damage the legitimacy of the orientation for the rest of us is ultimately a ridiculous idea, because it makes it seem like you can only be asexual as a last resort! Anyone and everyone who feels that "asexual" describes who they are should be able to use it to describe themselves. There's nothing to be gained from having a mainstream asexual person like me go on TV and brag about how there's nothing else in my life that we can "blame" asexuality on and therefore the mainstream has to "grant" it to me . . . if they're then gonna turn around and "blame" everyone else's asexuality on something else if they possibly can! Not to mention that the varying perspectives and experiences brought to our community by people like you make our perspectives more diverse and stronger in my opinion; we need to know what different experiences we're all coming to this path from, and we all have something to give as well as to take.

Thanks for the inclusion of people who might not consider themselves as included in the group. Keep up the work for understanding of a little known sexual orientation.

Hi! I just finished watching all of letters to an asexual, and I'm inspired by your ability to argue effectively and with patience and endurance.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Sylvia O Thanks. That's wonderful. :)

Thanks for sharing. I was just thinking of this series the other day. You have a lovely reading voice.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

AGrayPhantom Thanks!

I'm intersex and asexual, so like, sure I might (or might not) have a different biological reason not to find people attractive to most asexuals, but it doesn't mean my asexuality is invalid :)

Bless your soul~~~ You are so open minded and educated and mature, it's hard to find people like this these days...

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

wiirdee I'm glad you appreciated it, thanks!

Huh, I'm autistic and am a semisexual. My favourite person on Earth is an autistic asexual and she's friends with an asexual but our romantic orientations and religions are all different and we have different hair colours too. Asexuals seem as diverse as autistic people or maybe more so.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+Sioraf asNaCillini Yep, very much so! Variation is lovely.

So glad you use your privileges and skills this way.

This is always a sensitive issue, you handled it well. Way to go! I've met plenty of autistic spectrum and physically disabled people who certainly were not asexual. Likewise, asexuals who aren't autistic. Then there's people who're both - to those folks, never be afraid to use a label if you feel it will help you. Don't be bullied into not using it by an ignorant few who want to debunk us :)

Love the video! Thanks for the inclusion of these people!

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

кæנєє Δ Great! It's not up to me to include or disinclude people in a community, of course; I'm not a gatekeeper. But I do have strong opinions about other people who try to be!

I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's, and while I can't be sure if it's at all related to my aromanticism, I've come to the conclusion that it's irrelevant. Humans brains are about the most complex thing science has come across, and we still have tons to learn about neurology, especially concerning orientations. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't think mental differences should invalidate orientation. Maybe there's a link; maybe there's not. Either way, it should be up to the individual to decide for themselves if they want to call themselves asexual or not. Thanks again for all your work, Swankivy.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+usernameaeo Thanks for the comment. Yes, it's completely up to you to decide how relevant any other factor is to affecting your sexual orientation. You're the only one who lives in your head.

Thanks for yet another excellent video! I quite like what you also say about Autism, etc. - excellent points, and you and you present them incredibly well. I too quite like your comment about desexualized - hadn't really thought about that one, but makes a lot of sense - yes, again, another excellent point! I wish a whole lot more folks were as rational and reasonable about these things as you are! And of course you're fun too! :-)

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

***** Thanks. I wouldn't have really thought about it too much myself if I hadn't listened to my friends who are autistic or disabled who said this happens to them. I did do a lot of research for my book, which involved showing relevant parts of my book draft to people in the populations they described and having them tell me what they thought I might be misrepresenting or leaving out. It was very helpful.

Firstly, LOVE the pink streaks in you hair. They're just he cutest thing ever ^_^ Secondly, I've said it before and I'll say it again: labels should be like hats. They should be comfy and suit you, but you should be able to take them off if you want to.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

wayfareangel Aw thank you, glad you like the pink. Pink is one of my two favorite colors and I think it looks good in my hair. Yes, I agree about labels being like hats. I don't really want to reinforce the idea that they're always temporary or that the people using them are doing so in a mercurial sense that shouldn't be taken seriously, but they absolutely are not permanent parts of our identity, especially since we learn new things about our identities along our lives and we sometimes change along our lives. Why shouldn't the language we use reflect that?

@wayfareangel

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy I mostly came up with the saying because when I was a teen it was very 'in' to reject all labels and react in a hostile manner towards them. The thing is, though, I LIKE labels. They help me know where I fit in, and help give me a sense of identity. However, I've also gone through a bunch of labels while trying to figure out who and what I am. So... hats ^_^ They're fun, they're useful, but if you don't like them you don't have to use them, or you can try and find one that fits! And some just fit so well, and you like them so much that you wear them all the time ^_^ Feel free to take the saying, if you like. People seem to like it, and it feels good knowing that. Like I've managed to contribute something to the LGBTQAlphabete Soup community. ^_^ Also, love the Steven Universe fan videos ^_^ It's kinda fun to watch you decimate bigoted arguments in some of your videos, then watch the music vids and imagine you shipping characters lol It's not a side we really get to see of you often.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

wayfareangel Well, the thing is, we need language to be able to talk about our experiences, and it's usually people who have never felt cut off or isolated or confused without the language to discuss their lives who think we don't need labels. There's something to be said for not using labels if they limit what you can do, but that's such a one-dimensional way of viewing labels, like you said. They help those of us who want them/need them have our conversations and avoid isolation and despair, and that's a very good reason for having them! Glad you like the fan videos. I haven't gotten any hate for them yet (though I was kinda expecting people to yell at me and "remind" me that this channel is for asexuality and I need to quit cluttering it up with cartoon spam, to which I would definitely respond that HELLO IT IS A *PERSONAL* CHANNEL and I can put whatever I want on it, and people who are not interested in those things are free to not watch them!). I don't really do a whole lot of, uh, "shipping" I guess--I just kinda celebrate what's there. I don't root for characters to get together or whatever, but I really like watching stuff where characters have complicated and heartfelt relationships with each other. So I guess that's why I did a video for Rose/Pearl and Ruby/Sapphire. :) I ramble a little here and there about SU-related things on Tumblr and I have a fan crap tag for my blog. :)

@wayfareangel

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy Rambling is okay ^_^ Honestly I think the videos are a decent reminder that just because a person is aromantic doesn't mean they can't enjoy that sort of thing. I guess it's hard to not expect trolling when you deal with it directly on a regular basis. I'm glad you got a break.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

wayfareangel Oh yeah, I definitely enjoy depictions of characters who are in love or pursue romance, just like I enjoy depictions of characters in fights or on adventures that I wouldn't personally want to pursue, you know? Yes, it might work as a great reminder. (Though Pearl/Rose is more tragic at this point than shippy. But Ruby/Sapphire is just amazing and Garnet is my fave for a billion years.) As for trolling, I didn't really expect "trolling" over this so much as I expected people to do their usual and gently pressure me for content the way they want it. I imagine it's a little disappointing sometimes if someone subscribed to me for one thing and then they get a notification that I uploaded something and it's like "oh, crap, just another one of those cartoon videos." But yeah, I'm doing this for free and they don't have to do anything to pay for access, so it is up to me if I do what they want. I sometimes feel like I have a responsibility to this community, but I don't feel like that responsibility includes not having a personal life and not expressing that personal life. I have had one or two people "scold" me for not making content the way they want it and it mostly just irritates me because I wonder how they hell they got so entitled that they think they should tell content creators what kind of content to make to cater to their own desires, but thankfully I get relatively little of that treatment!

Holy crap Swank, I am so behind on your videos! 4:04 - 4:08 Holy crap, awesome way to put it!

Hey swankivy, I am both asexual (panromantic) and on the autism spectrum (aspergers) and I thank you very much for making this video because it can be annoying for the ignorant to make those assumptions that one is ace because they're autistic or vice versa. One thing I did not agree with your video on is when you mentioned people identifying as ace who are on medications that decrease their libido. If anything is giving misinformation about ace community, I think that would further distract people from truly understanding what asexuality is. To me, it's something that you are born as a part of you, you don't just "decide it" just like a homosexual person doesnt "just decide" they are gay. I don't think a person on meds that decrease sexual libido should be going around calling themselves asexual because they're not feeling like they want sex because of their meds when if they were OFF those meds, they would NOT be calling themselves asexual. That is also like a person who for whatever reason chooses celibacy call themselves asexual and some people would blindly accept it and associate asexuality with celibacy when they are totally NOT the same thing just like i'd hate for people to think that meds can make someone asexual or someone doesn't like sex because they've been abused so that makes them asexual. To me, it's annoying when I tell people my asexuality and one of the first things they ask is "is there a reason? Were you abused" ......Someone can be abused and with the proper therapy and time (time heals all), still want sexual relationships. That does not make them asexual....Someone can also be abused and traumatized to never desire sex again, but that does not make them asexual because if they were not abused, they would want sex. Not wanting sex because of abuse would be a choice of celibacy. I hope I got my point across okay. I'm not the best with words. !! But again, i respect you and glad we have such a great public speaker making these awareness vids. Thank you.

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+373rna1s7ar I understand why you might not want to accept someone using the term "asexual" if one of the things that contributes to their lack of interest is a medication, but I disagree. It is not for us to decide whether that person is "really" asexual. Most people who go on medication and find it decreasing their libido are upset about it because they value that part of them, so if a person whose attitude toward sex changes because of medication feels more like "themselves" with the help of medication, I will respect how they choose to identify. That is a very different thing from saying that asexuality "is caused by" a medication you're on; that's certainly not its definition. But especially if someone is on medication all the time for a chronic condition, their feelings toward sex while on the medication becomes part of who they are, and it isn't up to me to tell them their experience is not enough like everyone else's asexuality to be allowed to use the word. (It also isn't the same thing as choosing celibacy, as simply choosing not to have sex isn't the thing that defines a person as asexual. But if a person's lack of interest in having sex is part of the reason they're calling themselves asexual, that's fine.) I disagree very much that you are "born" asexual or that our biology has to be "naturally" geared toward not wanting sex before we're qualified to use the term. There is no emperor of asexuality so I think the most important aspect of discussing terminology is to avoid gatekeeping and try to be inclusive. And I'm glad you feel that it was a helpful video for discussing misconceptions about the intersection of autism and asexuality! I'm sure some people would say asexuality is just a consequence of autism and say it doesn't count, the same as some people would say asexuality is just a consequence of taking drugs you need to function, but I really want everyone who finds this word and concept useful to feel safe using it.

I am autistic and asexual and I don't say anything about either to anyone I don't feel completely comfortable with. BTW I love your Steven Universe shirt

I sometimes try to explain it this way: I'm in my early 20s, and recently diagnosed with a mild ADHD. I was also born 5 weeks premature. Preterm births are correlated (probably causally) with adhd, but that doesn't make my adhd less authentic, or more authentic for having a "cause." Is asexuality correlated with prematurity? Who knows? Who cares? Even if there were a direct causal correlation, there's no way to change the fact that I'm ace, and was born premature. Stop worrying about the "why" (for other people. You can obsess all you want about your own "why"), and focus on the "what now?".

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

fannarrativeftw That's a great way to look at it, and corresponds with how I like to present it too. What's funny is sometimes they try to nail you the other way: if it has no physical "cause," then clearly it's "just psychological" and it's something you're expected to devote time, energy, and money to "overcoming." And then if you actually do have a physical "reason" for something, well, then it's just a symptom of that physical reason. It's almost like they don't want to grant legitimacy to asexuality or something! Haha. But yes, great point about how your ADHD isn't less authentic just because it fits in with a known pattern. What really is the practical purpose behind finding a "cause" for something, anyway? That's what those people should really be asking themselves.

I'm in the same situation! Asexual-autisic struggles, no one will take you seriously too! BTW love the Steven Universe shirt

@swankivy

8 жыл бұрын

+Rachel Parker Yeah, I have a lot of friends who struggle with being accepted because people want to "blame" their autism or invalidate one of their identities because they consider it an autistic quality. Intersection of these experiences is fine to talk about, but it's so frustrating how consistently they're ~invalidated~. And I'm glad you like the shirt. ;)

Where did you get the Beach City shirt :o ?

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

cathalh6 They have a lot of Steven Universe-inspired shirts on Redbubble! I have . . . um . . . six of them. :X

@cathalh6

9 жыл бұрын

Awesome ^-^ I haven't watched much of Steven Universe I need to catch up on it :3

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

cathalh6 You definitely need to catch up on it. Yes. Yes you do. (Some of my friends who have heard this show is a thing are like "oh okay guess I'll watch a couple episodes" and then they watch stuff out of order thinking it doesn't matter and DEAR LORD IT DOES MATTER so please don't ruin it for yourself and do what they did. Watch it in order if you're going to do it!)

I'm autistic and asexual. I'm 31 and I just came out as asexual.

@swankivy

2 жыл бұрын

Congrats on coming out. :)

You shouldn't feel bad about being autistic+ace; I know a girl from college who is hetero for sure (she wrote some presumably explicit poetry which I've not seen). actually i've been WRONGLY diagnosed with aspergers (it was a mix of clinical depression and high intelligence) and when I found out she was interested in sex I was confused because I thought my disinterest was an aspergers thing, but i'm not aspergers but I am asexual, so...yeah. Peace edit: i'm not "disinterested" in sex, i like dirty jokes and i'm curious about sex and sexuality, i think it's great, i'm just not sexually attracted to anyone. and the girl i talked about gave someone that "you might meet the right person" speech when he was adamant that he did not want a girlfriend (i don't know his orientation),this actually has nothing to do with her sexuality, (that's about romantic orientation, not sexual orientation)

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

austin fernando Yeah, people shouldn't have to feel bad about that at all. I don't happen to be on the autistic spectrum but our community intersects massively with theirs (and even in places where it doesn't, we're subjected to some of the same issues!). As for writing explicit poetry, that doesn't necessarily mean she's hetero--I know several asexual people who create sexually explicit artistic material in several mediums--but if she's expressing sexual attraction that she herself possesses in those poems, sure, she's probably expressing her heterosexuality. :)

@austinfernando8406

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy hi swankivy just FYI the poetry wasn't the only reason I am fairly certain that she's str8, although I realise that's an assumption as I haven't actually asked her (+ I know aces can do art and stuff about sex and that doesn't change their orientation, (I intend to do art with sexual themes at some point)

@austinfernando8406

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy I feel silly for making so many assumptions now, btw I wasn't saying she is heterosexual BECAUSE of the poetry :)

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

austin fernando That's good. It's just that you said she was hetero and offered the parenthetical bit about her poetry as the evidence, so it seemed like you were saying that was why you believed she was straight, and I wanted to make sure you weren't one of those people who thinks sexual content in art indicates the artist's personal desires in all cases. Just a pet peeve of mine since I certainly don't write only asexual characters and wouldn't want anyone thinking my ability to convincingly write characters who want sex or romance means I want those things. Good to know you do not feel that way!

can you be autistic if you are talking to yourself (like walking in street and thinking outloud)? people always said that when they see someone rumbling by himself. Is that normal?

@swankivy

4 жыл бұрын

Uh, I'm not really an expert on autism, and it's not responsible to try to diagnose someone you don't know over the Internet, but I do know lots of autistic people have unusual communication preferences and patterns. Lots of non-autistic people talk to themselves out loud too though. It's not really something that tells you one way or the other as a diagnostic criterion as far as I know.

Pddnos and straight ace here

I'm not asexual, but I 'do' have aspergers. It sounds like the person you received the letter from has has someone say "You're asexual because you have aspergers". It's a non-sequiter.... I have aspergers, but I'm not asexual... so the link is non existent They might as well say "You're asexual because you're a red head", or 'tall', or other meaningless aspect. By the way swankivy , I also like the pink hair.... it's really sweet!

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Cliffjumper24 I've heard some asexual people with Asperger's explicitly say they think those two things are linked for them, so I support them in wanting to understand that connection, as well as supporting the people who personally feel that their autism-spectrum or Asperger's variation is completely unrelated to their sexuality. Considering Asperger's doesn't always "cause" people to feel asexual, it's obvious they're not the same thing and it's obvious it manifests differently for different people, which is why I'd rather just respect other people's choices in what labels to identify with rather than tell them "this identity you have is because of this other identity you have." Thanks for the compliment on my hair!

@Cliffjumper24

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy I not sure it's fair on someone to let them to create such a false connection. Support them, always, but allow them to understand that simply 'are' asexual.... ...not let them use aspergers (or ADHD, or ginger hair, etc) as an excuse.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Cliffjumper24 I don't think of it as them using it as "an excuse." I also don't support calling their interpretation "a false connection." For some people, their experience of autism and autistic-spectrum variations is connected to how they feel about sexual experiences and sexual attraction, and I trust them to be able to say they think it's connected for them. I don't want to imply that one causes the other or that they are always connected, but if someone says they think they're asexual partly because they're autistic I think it's them, not me, who has the right to say so since they're the only one who's been inside their mind.

@Cliffjumper24

9 жыл бұрын

swankivy I see what you mean. It was difficult to phrase my point.... my instinct was to say "dangerous to allow someone to use aspergers..." but I realised how that looks dreadful, as if they shouldn't be able to choose for themselves. The the best analogy I can use to explain my thinking, is the way Alcoholics Anonymous works in the US. The AA staff help them give up the crutch of the booze (which was used to get them through life) and take on a difference crutch, and putting their faith in a 'higher power' (which is usually jesus).... but that's not much use if you're an ex-alcoholic atheist. I've had to explain to people, that by having aspergers, I'm not a 'faulty' 'broken', or defective person..... I'm just 'different' to normal neurotypical people in the way I see the world. In some ways (social communication), I'm a bit limited, but that is offset by a far more analytical and rational side. I have a question, which I'm going to put in an analogous way.... In a world where almost everyone else is ambidextrous.... do you think it's a reasonably idea to suggested aspies are left handed, in the same was asexuals are right handed. Different, but not broken? I supposed you're faced with the challenge that you want to help asexual people, but don't want to drive someone away by challenging them too much.... but just accept someone as they are, not how you think they ought to be. Last thing, in previous videos you've refered to asexuals as 'Aces'. Is that the correct spelling, or is it AS's? Thanks very much. And pologies if I say something annoying to you. It's not my intent... I'm just trying to understand a position I don't truly understand.... which is one of the reason I like your channel.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

Cliffjumper24 That's the thing, I am not autistic and I know that autism is part of who a person is, and I know that for some autistic people they see it as definitive to who they are--as the root of their personalities in some respects, and it is not up to me to say that's a false experience of life. It is not up to me to say connecting autism and asexuality in individual cases is diminishing one or both of those things, or ruining someone else's experience if they think theirs AREN'T related. It's not just a matter of respect as much as it's acknowledgment that people come to identity differently. I've heard people say "Don't call me autistic, I HAVE autism, it does not define me!" and then I've heard other people say "Don't say I HAVE autism, I AM AUTISTIC, it's an integral part of who I am!" Neither one of those things makes a person lesser to me, and neither one of those perspectives threatens the other. "Ace" is the correct spelling and in the early days some people also used "Ase," but "Ace" is the more intuitive spelling so it became more popular. If you ever want to see exactly what I'm saying and don't want to ask, feel free to turn on the subtitles!

I think it's a difficult topic. This week one asexual girl on my twitter told something on the lines of "I think my demisexuality was caused by this traumatic experience with my ex-boyfriend that coerced me to have sex. Well, actually they say asexuality is related to psychological problems, so that makes sense." What I got from this is that all her life she was non-asexual, she felt sexual attraction and because of a trauma she stopped feeling it. I think instead of identifying as asexual she should see a therapist, because it's not natural for her being asexual. Of course she can come to the community and try to find herself, but this thought of "I became asexual" is so weird as someone saying "I became homosexual". When my brother was 7 y/o was raped, then he grew up being homosexual. Was he born homosexual, did he became still as a child because of the abuse or was it an association of everything? I don't know, but it wouldn't change the fact that he was homosexual. So to me, not only not feeling sexual attraction is the important point, but also asexual's own experiences since they were children. I don't believe in a person becoming asexual while during their whole life they've felt sexual attraction. And I just hope people stop believeing this, maybe when they stop it I will be safe to tell a psychologist that I'm asexual without them trying to pinpoint what made me "become" an asexual or trying telling me that I'm wrong.

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

RikaS2DBSK Yes, it's always really complicated! I don't think the right way to talk about it is "I'm demisexual because I was hurt by X." I think the best way to talk about it is "I was affected by X, and that has affected my perspective on my relationships to some degree." If someone feels like that's not an important part of who they are or they'd like to be free of something that is dragging them away from happiness or who they want to be, it makes sense that they should see a therapist. But it's like if you're four years old and you go to see an orchestra and you're so inspired by the violinist that you dedicate yourself to music for the rest of your life, are people going to say "god it's so sad that her parents warped her by exposing her to that so soon, who knows what she could have ~really~ become if that hadn't made such an impression on her?" You have to ask yourself whether it would have made such an impression on her that particular way if she wasn't predisposed to feeling that way about violin music, you know? Same with how bad sexual experiences affect people; with most sexual assault, victims regain sexual interest within 12 to 18 months, though sometimes it takes longer and sometimes their perspective is changed forever. People who are asexual or are somewhere on that spectrum tend to experience such things differently. It's not really for any one person to say "all people in X situation are traumatized, but all people in X situation are authentically asexual," you know? I don't believe people "become asexual" so much as I acknowledge that sexuality is fluid and sometimes we feel a certain way about sex that we didn't before or might not in the future. And it's okay to find a label for that. But yes, it does damage perspectives on the community if we continue to process asexuality as something that happens to a person as a result of a negative experience (not only because it can lead people to search for what "must have" happened to those of us who didn't go through it, but because it invalidates the overall authentic experience of those who did go through it and need respect as well).

@RikaS2DBSK

9 жыл бұрын

So what you mean is that an event alone couldn't cause a person to identify as asexual but this person was already "predisposed" to being asexual and that the event was only one of many more things that "caused" it? It's always lovely discussing with you, thank you for responding me

@swankivy

9 жыл бұрын

RikaS2DBSK I don't really want to say that an event alone "couldn't" cause a person to identify a certain way. I don't make the rules. But I do think that if someone intrinsically valued sexual attraction or was motivated by sex and that was part of "who they are," a traumatic experience would interrupt it, not stop it from happening forever. It's just that I don't know how big an impression these things can make on individual people, and I frankly don't think it's my business to tell someone what conditions they have to satisfy before they can use a word that they think describes them. I think "events" can have major effects on people, but I also think as a community and with an overall understanding we should not approach asexuality as something that can only be "caused" by something bad since that just means we're processing attraction to others in a sexual way as the normal healthy default (and that's not the case for many of us). Bottom line is our experiences become part of us, and HOW they become part of us is largely up to us and it's our business to describe it. It's not others' business to tell us which parts of it they think are inauthentic, you know? Not unless that person asks us to assist in their personal journey and help them figure out which parts of their experiences might be holding them back from something they do desire. :)

You're so sensitive to everybody's needs , feelings, and point-of-view in the "community". But like a standard Liberal Socialist you'll have me hounded out of society or imprisoned if I don't agree with you.

@swankivy

7 жыл бұрын

Adam Pinkusiewicz Wow I must have a lot of power, then. I wasn't aware that criticizing people who don't agree with me results in their removal from society. To be real though, I'm so often told that the words people use to harass and belittle me aren't really oppression or I'm a crybaby special snowflake who requires trigger warnings and safe spaces to a preposterous degree if I object to how I'm treated in society. But if *I* criticize *them*, somehow this same freedom of speech is supposed to be endowed with amazing powers to make that person an outcast. Do words have real power or don't they? And when you take into account that the status quo has power and that those who echo it don't have to do very much to send a message, it's bizarre to me that some keep saying we who want changes in how historically oppressed people are treated are somehow endowed with larger influence when they speak.