Kurt Metzger - Jehovah's Witness Drama - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

Комедия

Kurt Metzger tells a story about being raised as a Jehovah's Witness and working at a video game store with a friendly crack dealer.
Watch full episodes of This Is Not Happening now: www.cc.com/shows/this-is-not-h...
Follow Kurt Metzger on Twitter: / kurtmetzger
Theme by Run The Jewels. Purchase the LP here: apple.co/1ARsXOf

Пікірлер: 1 600

  • @standup
    @standup4 жыл бұрын

    Looking for more This Is Not Happening? Check out comedians’ wildest drug stories here: kzread.info/head/PLD7nPL1U-R5pl-EsIsmgZTuS0t3Tm6EV8

  • @johnclaudetaylor5224

    @johnclaudetaylor5224

    3 жыл бұрын

    I'm an ex JW and this hits so close to home 🤣🤣🤣

  • @mattriffingriffin2398

    @mattriffingriffin2398

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@johnclaudetaylor5224 same here

  • @richievaldez765

    @richievaldez765

    2 жыл бұрын

    I have some great Drug Stories, definitely better than any I have seen so far....

  • @jonathanjollimore4794

    @jonathanjollimore4794

    2 жыл бұрын

    OK the multiverse must be real kzread.info/dash/bejne/Z4Bn07J-ZrDKabQ.html more *facepalm*

  • @jaenmartens5697

    @jaenmartens5697

    Жыл бұрын

    Thanks Kurt. You're right on- love you on Dore- tough gig, be a comedian but don't interrupt.. haha you do it tho.

  • @kseniavasilyev6861
    @kseniavasilyev68616 жыл бұрын

    Someone should make a movie out of this. This story has compelling and deep characters, an amazing plot, and a plotwist at the end!

  • @KentFPV

    @KentFPV

    5 жыл бұрын

    No u

  • @oldmannabors3198

    @oldmannabors3198

    5 жыл бұрын

    The fuck's a "plotwist"?

  • @oldmannabors3198

    @oldmannabors3198

    5 жыл бұрын

    @mellamosean ... Blow me

  • @oldmannabors3198

    @oldmannabors3198

    5 жыл бұрын

    @mellamosean ... I insist...

  • @oldmannabors3198

    @oldmannabors3198

    5 жыл бұрын

    @mellamosean ... Lol sweet!! I haven't been assaulted in.... five years?... The taste of blood in my mouth and ringing in my ears is super comparable to reading a post that says "... Fuck you, chump!..." Yeah, I think a fight sounds great! Where should we meet down for a beat down?

  • @kui_maina
    @kui_maina7 жыл бұрын

    His eyes. They tell stories on their own.

  • @vf3d

    @vf3d

    7 жыл бұрын

    O_O

  • @manoamano920

    @manoamano920

    6 жыл бұрын

    You tell a story all your own.

  • @jeffreymartinez8028

    @jeffreymartinez8028

    6 жыл бұрын

    It's called pain. All of us exjw have it. 😔

  • @BA-hn1om

    @BA-hn1om

    6 жыл бұрын

    Jeffrey martinez very true Jeffrey

  • @silverfascia

    @silverfascia

    6 жыл бұрын

    chill

  • @carlhicksjr8401
    @carlhicksjr84015 жыл бұрын

    OK, so I did stand up for a living for about three years. I was alright, but not great. Didn't have that spark of genius. But this guy, who doesn't look particularly charismatic, kept an audience on the string for TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES while he told three different stories with just one tie up punch line at the end. Freaking brilliant.

  • @calviincalifornia4048

    @calviincalifornia4048

    5 жыл бұрын

    if you did it for a living and made enough money to stay that as your job, you did great. i know dozens of people who will never escape san jose or ever get paid.. just cuz you gave up on it means nothing. you can do it again anytime you please. the rest of your life if you just grab a mic and tell one joke youre right back into it again. and open mics are always welcoming..

  • @irider1201

    @irider1201

    5 жыл бұрын

    Kurt's a great comic.

  • @notsure1135

    @notsure1135

    5 жыл бұрын

    Do you have a favourite joke that you wrote?

  • @Itsamallard

    @Itsamallard

    4 жыл бұрын

    Carl Hicks Jr why don’t you start telling stories from your life on KZread and have someone do animation of some drawling you do or something just on KZread period you can make a killing and never have to leave your bathroom lol

  • @UberLummox

    @UberLummox

    4 жыл бұрын

    Love everyone being so encouraging. Refreshing to see vs usual youtube bull. Sam, maybe you could be his promoter ;-) Whatever you're doing now Carl, I hope it makes you happy. It also takes a smart person to know their limitations as we all have'em.

  • @nebulousisgod
    @nebulousisgod3 жыл бұрын

    That guy admitted he might’ve accidentally murdered a guy in his job interview haha and he got hired. That’s epic

  • @pcbangbros8350

    @pcbangbros8350

    2 жыл бұрын

    Gotta respect the honesty :D

  • @alicedoors4826

    @alicedoors4826

    Жыл бұрын

    Got hired by a Jehovah's Witness!

  • @denzelbazard6184
    @denzelbazard61847 жыл бұрын

    "yea he just kicked a guy in the chest, and he didn't get up". Im crying.

  • @SnareRushJunkie
    @SnareRushJunkie5 жыл бұрын

    "Other lies come easy once you know how to do that magic." Jesus, is that spot-on.

  • @jorayx
    @jorayx5 жыл бұрын

    This was not a polished bit. This was a talented man telling his story. Raw and real

  • @bogovabatina

    @bogovabatina

    2 жыл бұрын

    No, For Kurt, this is polished!

  • @NicholasHume

    @NicholasHume

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@bogovabatina Sign of the craft!

  • @jesuscasillas4992

    @jesuscasillas4992

    Жыл бұрын

    Just the way you like it!

  • @Fausto_4841
    @Fausto_48417 жыл бұрын

    Kurt's right. I learned how to lie every weekend at Mormon church as a kid, then mastered it as a dope fiend.

  • @clumsiii

    @clumsiii

    5 жыл бұрын

    real talk

  • @kugicaimp192

    @kugicaimp192

    5 жыл бұрын

    Belial61 ♥♥♥ HONEST PEOPLE WHO NEVER LIE ARE THE BEST LIARS. ♥♥♥

  • @oldmannabors3198

    @oldmannabors3198

    5 жыл бұрын

    Gad damn....

  • @anonymoushuman5174

    @anonymoushuman5174

    5 жыл бұрын

    Me too :D

  • @ascent8487

    @ascent8487

    5 жыл бұрын

    Matt? Is your online name Belial61? Is that you?

  • @macilab
    @macilab5 жыл бұрын

    At EVERY show, there is this dude/girl who is laughing louder and longer, more distinctively than the others. Today I came to realize that it makes me so HAPPY to hear it and experience it. Cause that person is also probably touched in a way that for them is very unique and genuine.

  • @mattgallant419

    @mattgallant419

    4 жыл бұрын

    or he found ari's breath strips

  • @JarthenGreenmeadow

    @JarthenGreenmeadow

    3 жыл бұрын

    or is near the mic...

  • @sarashrader7422

    @sarashrader7422

    3 жыл бұрын

    wow. amazing. true

  • @MikSrf723

    @MikSrf723

    3 жыл бұрын

    Live life loudly!!!

  • @cankhovich1796

    @cankhovich1796

    3 жыл бұрын

    @@jwm6314 off-worlders

  • @TurkIsAwesome
    @TurkIsAwesome7 жыл бұрын

    an addition to an already impressive resume by nights he controls the streets as zumo xDxDxDXD lmfao

  • @flamingmonkeyxii

    @flamingmonkeyxii

    5 жыл бұрын

    *Zoomo

  • @Hackthegolfer

    @Hackthegolfer

    4 жыл бұрын

    That was my favorite line in the whole bit.

  • @nospam3327

    @nospam3327

    4 жыл бұрын

    Haha, it was totally worth the wait 😂🤣😂

  • @lizzyinhawaii5713
    @lizzyinhawaii57134 жыл бұрын

    I was born into and raised a JW.This was one of the funniest most relatable comedy skits I have ever heard.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @rjordan5150

    @rjordan5150

    2 жыл бұрын

    Same here I was dying of laughter lol

  • @ClaudBawlz

    @ClaudBawlz

    2 жыл бұрын

    .me too

  • @halcyonataractic8623

    @halcyonataractic8623

    2 жыл бұрын

    Same. Such a nasty cult.

  • @TamOClannie

    @TamOClannie

    2 жыл бұрын

    So many of my friends who are currently shunning me listen to Joe rogan podcasts while they're working, and I look forward to every time Kurt is on.

  • @andrewflores5243

    @andrewflores5243

    2 жыл бұрын

    Same. Just your regular doomsday cult.

  • @RamiroBelmaresJr
    @RamiroBelmaresJr7 жыл бұрын

    10:16 "In retail, you just wanna find someone you could hangout with" Dude, that makes so much fucking sense. At my very first job interview, the store manager and I talked about this music venue we both went to and after I was hired we would talk about music and other random shit on slow days. He was pretty cool about me taking home some food.

  • @BobSmith-xk5fb

    @BobSmith-xk5fb

    7 жыл бұрын

    +Ramiro Belmares so you stole food from your job ?? Shame on you, if you had been a Jehovah's Witness you would have been slapped with a dirty sock for hamburglerizing this business. You better not ever talk crap about Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission and be like all these other worldly apostates spreading lies about Jehovah's WItness child abuse scandals.

  • @evan8654

    @evan8654

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@BobSmith-xk5fb lol wut

  • @billyin4c514

    @billyin4c514

    Жыл бұрын

    This is a kind of nepotism, and I like it.

  • @maverickh9
    @maverickh97 жыл бұрын

    he looks like Russel Peters if he were white.

  • @xorovats

    @xorovats

    7 жыл бұрын

    like if russel peters fucked mr. bean

  • @kui_maina

    @kui_maina

    7 жыл бұрын

    Newton's Third Law omg yes...i was trying to place his look

  • @danthemanx999

    @danthemanx999

    5 жыл бұрын

    Exactly what I thought!

  • @rustyjames1727

    @rustyjames1727

    4 жыл бұрын

    @@xorovats kinky

  • @echostorm1996

    @echostorm1996

    4 жыл бұрын

    @Pichkalu Pappita He doesn't look brown at all. Perhaps a little tan, but he's still European in origin.

  • @maebe7668
    @maebe76686 жыл бұрын

    First Jehovah's witness jokes I've heard that I'm actually relating to.

  • @misterdoctor9693

    @misterdoctor9693

    5 жыл бұрын

    Well, none of that story makes even remotely any sense. So.... same.

  • @mudejartrainingnaturalscie6938

    @mudejartrainingnaturalscie6938

    5 жыл бұрын

    Zumo is that you?

  • @Chadwicktaylormade

    @Chadwicktaylormade

    5 жыл бұрын

    My ex house speakers son had a kid at 16 and he just moved congregations overnight. Nobody acted like anything happened nor said anything about it ever. I stopped going at 15 tho. It was totally a cult

  • @StocksAndBeemers

    @StocksAndBeemers

    5 жыл бұрын

    Devbo Slice BROOOO THIS IS TOO FUNNY. I relate to this I was one and I used to fuck with the JW girls. They were low key kinky cuz they couldn’t express sexuality. Fucked but true and hthe hats funny af

  • @miathapapaya

    @miathapapaya

    4 жыл бұрын

    I grew up in that stupid crap and this shits HILARIOUS to me

  • @brewforce3036
    @brewforce30363 жыл бұрын

    Was raised JW, me and my grandmother left, now I celebrate birthdays and she has 2 boyfriends. We're both living our best lives now, one more than the other.

  • @christopherwakefield9537

    @christopherwakefield9537

    2 жыл бұрын

    I think this is one of the best comments I've ever seen. Kudos to you and your grandma!

  • @livewithmeterandnomeasureb1679

    @livewithmeterandnomeasureb1679

    2 жыл бұрын

    Happy for you!

  • @uriah9559

    @uriah9559

    2 жыл бұрын

    your familys dumb boiii

  • @danielmeuler2877

    @danielmeuler2877

    2 жыл бұрын

    I used to drop bags full of water on JW's heads as a kid. I'm convinced the bad luck I have had in life is directly connected to said act. Any advice as how to break the Curse?

  • @stephen227

    @stephen227

    2 жыл бұрын

    She has 2 boyfriends?

  • @ethanhart6274
    @ethanhart62743 жыл бұрын

    This guy just told the plot to a Tarantino movie. What a crazy life!

  • @mando10901
    @mando10901 Жыл бұрын

    I too was raised Jehovah's Witness... They call their religion "the Truth" but seriously Kurt here got the truth that I saw myself. 100% on point!!!

  • @ydin9
    @ydin97 жыл бұрын

    Awesome story, one of the best I've heard on this show.

  • @domdittyful

    @domdittyful

    7 жыл бұрын

    agreed

  • @suckl

    @suckl

    7 жыл бұрын

    true

  • @eaeaeafdfdfd3334

    @eaeaeafdfdfd3334

    7 жыл бұрын

    1+ he was telling the stories good to

  • @BobSmith-xk5fb

    @BobSmith-xk5fb

    7 жыл бұрын

    +ydin9 stop bashing Jehovah's WItnesses and spreading false hope of ever being saved at Armageddon you wicked worldly person! You are like all the others spreading false lies about Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission and child abuse scandals.

  • @ydin9

    @ydin9

    7 жыл бұрын

    Oh, I'm so sorry Bob, I did not in anyway mean to imply Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission had become anything like Catholic Church. Absolutely nobody should google what any of that means.

  • @MidnightAndLuna
    @MidnightAndLuna Жыл бұрын

    I’m an ex-JW and this story truly hits home for me

  • @incognitofool6516
    @incognitofool65165 жыл бұрын

    I was Born a JW and was in for 28 years. This is amazing.

  • @TRUCKLOADOFPAIN
    @TRUCKLOADOFPAIN7 жыл бұрын

    "No, nobody knows." I legitimately spit out the cereal I was eating. Hilarious.

  • @ince55ant
    @ince55ant7 жыл бұрын

    Thats a really great piece, i love the way it all ties together. like the setup of going from religious to non at the start leading to having himself contending with his own religion and the shit going on around him. slowly developing from finding out about gossip to hanging out with someone with a more morally loose perspective. Then finally realizing someone else who started in the same place he did has gone down a much darker path than he could previously have imagined... The whole thing is just this great, complex parable for loosing religion or any belief really. No rules are real, your perception of reality is flawed.

  • @AMLawrence79
    @AMLawrence797 жыл бұрын

    the legend of Zumo

  • @steveng6704

    @steveng6704

    5 жыл бұрын

    There was no way zumo was going to be Josh, but it was, how brilliant and a crazy coincidence

  • @calviincalifornia4048

    @calviincalifornia4048

    5 жыл бұрын

    its gunna be like the nintendo game where everyone insists link's name is zelda. except people will call kurt zumo

  • @cardboardbox9977
    @cardboardbox99775 жыл бұрын

    OMG, I was raised a JW and my mother used to take the guns from my action figures too. 😂🤣😂

  • @Orlando407100

    @Orlando407100

    5 жыл бұрын

    Same here my mom hate guns

  • @GregErickson77

    @GregErickson77

    5 жыл бұрын

    me too

  • @goodolbronco

    @goodolbronco

    4 жыл бұрын

    Are you still a witness?

  • @soulavenue8

    @soulavenue8

    4 жыл бұрын

    Lol I didn’t play with action figures, but I couldn’t have a water gun as a kid growing up in the 90’s. Do you know how devastating that is????!!!🤬😭

  • @ricebeansrockroll882

    @ricebeansrockroll882

    4 жыл бұрын

    Same here but my mom is atheist.

  • @aurievillari9816
    @aurievillari98167 жыл бұрын

    "By nights he controls the streets as Zumo!!!!" Hahahaha perfect closing line to the story.

  • @JaseekaRawr
    @JaseekaRawr7 жыл бұрын

    This guy has Rodney Dangerfield eyes.

  • @OMGKITTENMEWMEW1

    @OMGKITTENMEWMEW1

    7 жыл бұрын

    He reminds me of Mr. Bean.

  • @manoamano920

    @manoamano920

    6 жыл бұрын

    Those are his uncle an cousin. Rodney is his uncle. And "Mr. Bean" is his cousin... Or, they fucked and made him, one of the two.

  • @gaetaboots9292

    @gaetaboots9292

    6 жыл бұрын

    Jaseeka Rawr that’s calling cocaine

  • @Anona_Meows

    @Anona_Meows

    5 жыл бұрын

    @Jake Shattuck 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @glazar01

    @glazar01

    5 жыл бұрын

    I was trying o figure it out and your right his eyes were like Rodney's

  • @partykrew666
    @partykrew6667 жыл бұрын

    this guy is an awesome story teller.

  • @mathieuxox1

    @mathieuxox1

    6 жыл бұрын

    Amy Schumer Joke Stealing Compilation kzread.info/dash/bejne/Zpl42syxhs-eg5M.html Joe Rogan Argues Over Amy Schumer Joke Theft Accusations WITH Kurt Metzger kzread.info/dash/bejne/lZOGpMqToK3QZ7g.html

  • @HR-yd5ib

    @HR-yd5ib

    5 жыл бұрын

    He just needs to make them funny.

  • @sashamassey8385

    @sashamassey8385

    5 жыл бұрын

    Omg So glad I saw this. JW's will follow you even when you try to quit. I know from experience.

  • @tomasotreasaigh111

    @tomasotreasaigh111

    5 жыл бұрын

    Sounds like 'Deshawntenae' was the REAL story teller.

  • @zapatocryz5866

    @zapatocryz5866

    Жыл бұрын

    Thanks to the theocratic ministry school

  • @stephaniecarrow4898
    @stephaniecarrow4898 Жыл бұрын

    I love Kurt on the Jimmy Dore show and finally get to see him doing stand-up! He is so brilliant and quick with JD, doing mostly spontaneous one-liners. It's great to see this story-telling side of him as well.

  • @bh8365

    @bh8365

    Жыл бұрын

    @Stephanie Carrow. I also enjoy Kurt on Jimmy's show. Often Kurt will say something hilarious or pertinent and Jimmy might talk through it, probably not purposefully, but lessening the impact.

  • @legalfictionnaturalfact3969

    @legalfictionnaturalfact3969

    7 ай бұрын

    @@bh8365 jimmy is quite envious of kurt's wit. but they work together to push patriarchal mores, so they're buds. it's really pathetic. imagine them saying the things they say about girls/women about *your daughter*, if you can't just care about female humans out of general goodwill.

  • @MegaSunshineyday
    @MegaSunshineyday5 жыл бұрын

    This is one of my favorite stories, by far.... because I studied with the Jehovah's Witnesses

  • @fritz4359
    @fritz43593 жыл бұрын

    As a former JW I can relate exactly to this whole story

  • @stevenpadilla2254

    @stevenpadilla2254

    2 жыл бұрын

    So to my understanding there is like only 50,000 spots in heaven but it’s been around for like 100 years now. How do they know they have spots even left looool. Genuinely curious

  • @goodstuffohhyeah

    @goodstuffohhyeah

    Жыл бұрын

    144k dude get it right lol 😂🤙

  • @albeit1

    @albeit1

    9 ай бұрын

    @@goodstuffohhyeahyeah! You’ll never earn one of those highly coveted spots in heaven if you don’t even know how many there are.

  • @Bmanritchie

    @Bmanritchie

    7 ай бұрын

    Is that you DeShawntheny?

  • @foxibot
    @foxibot5 жыл бұрын

    “It’s just a regular doomsday cult!”

  • @phat2291

    @phat2291

    4 жыл бұрын

    Phantom Alpha the reasons lie in the origins of the holidays, they started out as pagen celebrations adopted by early religious leaders to get bums on seats and try to blend in and build a following

  • @soulavenue8

    @soulavenue8

    4 жыл бұрын

    Phantom Alpha Got damn right! I grew up as one. I left, shit I escaped. My family is still in.

  • @morpheas768

    @morpheas768

    4 жыл бұрын

    It is though, thats true. Dogmatically, it is just another christian cult (they're all cults btw), that involves a doomsday scenario that has nothing to do with reality. The only thing that distinguishes JWs among other christian cults is that it is highly structured, deeply organized, and very insulated and controlling. In other words, its the management and structured organization that makes it seem special, otherwise, its the same biblical shit, just way better enforced.

  • @stephanies3246

    @stephanies3246

    4 жыл бұрын

    foxibot You are 100% correct. I was a Jehovah’s Witness the first 10 years of my life. The focus on “the could end at any minute” put me in a depression so bad I was seriously considering suicide at the age of 8. Thank God for grandma for getting us out of that cult.

  • @elgallogiro6092

    @elgallogiro6092

    4 жыл бұрын

    Stephanie S that sucks you contemplated suicide....My mother is JW....we lost the mother son connection....When I listen to her talk it sounds like she is brainwashed....How did your family act towards you when you left JW? And what made you decide to leave ?

  • @tintinismybelgian
    @tintinismybelgian5 жыл бұрын

    That's pretty lenient that his mother let him have Star Wars men, even. *There's magic and witchcraft in that franchise!*

  • @CuckooCulture

    @CuckooCulture

    4 жыл бұрын

    I literally said the same exact thing I was not even allowed to watch Star Wars because my parents said Demons will attach themselves and they will be brought our home

  • @gracehaven5459

    @gracehaven5459

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@CuckooCulture we weren't allowed to watch Goosebumps for the same reason 🤣 frickin Goosebumps man

  • @lisasmith7474

    @lisasmith7474

    2 жыл бұрын

    Yep. and the smurfs were little demons so no cute little blue characters either.

  • @bustinarant

    @bustinarant

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@gracehaven5459 You laugh but the two talkin' puppet Goosebumps books scared me more than Chucky as a kid. I'm probably more scared of dolls than my mom and she had some ancient ones she swears moved lol

  • @rcristy

    @rcristy

    22 күн бұрын

    Looking at Hollywood from the outside, you think jw's are the bad guys? Ok........

  • @miathapapaya
    @miathapapaya4 жыл бұрын

    Wow, raise your hand if youre an ex-JW born and raised and this shits amazing to you

  • @andrewflores5243
    @andrewflores52437 жыл бұрын

    I was also raised a jehovahs witnesses and established a tight five at open mics around la. thanks for the inspiration dude!!!!

  • @brandonjustis
    @brandonjustis5 жыл бұрын

    That was one of the most beautiful stories that I've ever heard from this series. Rounded up perfectly and unexpectedly.

  • @CapFlipGaming
    @CapFlipGaming2 жыл бұрын

    He really is one of the best comics alive right now. His stories are just so amazing and fun to follow lol

  • @danp1471

    @danp1471

    2 жыл бұрын

    Really? i just finally clicked on this vid cause it kept popping up in my recommendations probably cause I watch Jimmy Dore. Don't get me wrong the dudes funny, but "the best comic alive"? That's a heavy title. What are some of his best bits or special you can point me to?

  • @onesimonhaca1752
    @onesimonhaca17522 жыл бұрын

    Being raised as a JW is so different man, Glad to see others who also went through this type of ish hahahahha.

  • @MCConfuz

    @MCConfuz

    2 жыл бұрын

    me too!

  • @snu3877

    @snu3877

    Жыл бұрын

    I was raised a Witness and still am one, but I can still laugh about it!

  • @onesimonhaca1752

    @onesimonhaca1752

    Жыл бұрын

    @@snu3877 You have a great sense of humor, and that is golden

  • @embe1
    @embe17 жыл бұрын

    This storytelling type comedy really works for me. Kinda reminds me of Charlie Murphy

  • @heineken24oz

    @heineken24oz

    4 жыл бұрын

    @tylerx2f01 that's Eddie Murphy

  • @IncognitoSprax

    @IncognitoSprax

    3 жыл бұрын

    @@heineken24oz What? Charlie Murphy was one Eddie Murphy's brother, he was on the Chappelle show among other things and has a series of stories he's told - mainly about Rick James

  • @sunnydee196

    @sunnydee196

    3 жыл бұрын

    heineken24oz You should look up Dave Chapelle’s version of the story Charlie Murphy told him about playing a game of basketball with Prince..... Hilarious!

  • @dr.mantistoboggan3265
    @dr.mantistoboggan32657 жыл бұрын

    That one person laughing the entire time had me dying😂

  • @DrSlumdog

    @DrSlumdog

    4 жыл бұрын

    sounds like Jason Nash's laugh

  • @brittanyyates4304
    @brittanyyates43044 жыл бұрын

    For some reason the joke about the star wars men had me dead 😂 "so I just had...MEN"

  • @LizzyArmogida
    @LizzyArmogida3 жыл бұрын

    I LOVED these stories! I was riveted by this guy! Make these stories into a Netflix series immediately! ♥️

  • @deserttan37
    @deserttan372 жыл бұрын

    a natural comedic story teller. i hope this guy gets a special soon

  • @Cygnus0lor
    @Cygnus0lor7 жыл бұрын

    Now that ending deserves the "This is not happening" title...

  • @oc6617
    @oc66177 жыл бұрын

    This is definitely my favorite one of these so far

  • @redneckhippiefreak

    @redneckhippiefreak

    7 жыл бұрын

    Mexicans got on boots..

  • @oc6617

    @oc6617

    7 жыл бұрын

    Ali's is hilarious too

  • @franciscorios57

    @franciscorios57

    7 жыл бұрын

    nah bro lol there's this amazing one about a bomb threat in sears it's hilarious

  • @redneckhippiefreak

    @redneckhippiefreak

    7 жыл бұрын

    Francisco Rios Jim Brewer..Funny as hell too. All these are good though. A comedian telling a true story, You get the best of both worlds. We get a little insight as to their true character that's not really "An act" per se' but even more entertaining.. I guess because it's Truth.

  • @HollieRoyalMorphExotics
    @HollieRoyalMorphExotics6 жыл бұрын

    OMG! LOL!!! I was raised STRICT Pentecostal and they're a lot alike in the sense of strict rules and BS! I laughed my hole off!!!

  • @wikidclownchris

    @wikidclownchris

    5 жыл бұрын

    I was raised in a strictct Christian family was all into it up until middle school when I started asking to many questions

  • @HollieRoyalMorphExotics

    @HollieRoyalMorphExotics

    5 жыл бұрын

    ... and thats where shit when sideways in the most epic of ways!

  • @jonbones6487

    @jonbones6487

    3 жыл бұрын

    I was raised by the stop sign, no religion, I was getting saved by the glock 9

  • @linziRyan1965

    @linziRyan1965

    2 жыл бұрын

    Pentecostals are my biggest fear. I accidentally attended a Pentecostal church as a teenager… I have never been more terrified in my LIFE! JW’s teach you that the speaking in tongues is demonic possession!!!!

  • @alvaromd3203
    @alvaromd3203 Жыл бұрын

    Now, this is truly great comedian! Fantastic set!

  • @cashmeredreamzwakeup4189
    @cashmeredreamzwakeup41897 жыл бұрын

    I was born and raised a Witness too, lmao

  • @mymangobango65

    @mymangobango65

    7 жыл бұрын

    Ant from Channel 420 ~ me too! born & raised, beaten & molested- typical jw upbringing.

  • @crosssection6289

    @crosssection6289

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@mymangobango65 really? what do you mean?

  • @titanoflight2930

    @titanoflight2930

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@mymangobango65 sis yours got dark tho, i thought i had it bad

  • @killaforrilla5639

    @killaforrilla5639

    4 жыл бұрын

    @@crosssection6289 2 witness rule look it up

  • @juanguillermorecarte3727
    @juanguillermorecarte37277 жыл бұрын

    Kurt is probably the best stand up comedian right know. Always aggresively funny

  • @xorovats
    @xorovats7 жыл бұрын

    who thinks this guy looks like mr.bean?? especially when we opens his eyes wide lol

  • @dreaminginnoother
    @dreaminginnoother6 жыл бұрын

    I stopped listening to race wars when kurt stopped showing up and his last podcast with joe had me laughing so much... I have realized I am a kurt metzger fan. I hope to hear from him a lot more than I currently do.

  • @monkeyboy9617

    @monkeyboy9617

    4 жыл бұрын

    Joe Rogan interrupts Kurt Metzger far too much and spoils it. Kurt will be in the middle of saying something really funny off the cuff lots of times and then Joe blurts in. Really frustrating. The only good thing about Joe having Kurt on was that it introduced me to Kurt. I could see the guy was a genius comedian even being constantly interrupted and his flow halted half way through.

  • @bluedragonrob1
    @bluedragonrob17 жыл бұрын

    This is the PERFECT way to tell a story, great job Kurt!

  • @Mimi-zg2bh
    @Mimi-zg2bh5 жыл бұрын

    Excellent. I felt this AND have my own story that could be inconceivable yet, truth can be really crazy. Glad I listened to this one. Tears....had a Jehovah's witness boyfriend once. Whew!

  • @iToMiToMi
    @iToMiToMi4 жыл бұрын

    Disfellowshipped JW here. This shit is hilarious.

  • @jahrastafari7165
    @jahrastafari71657 жыл бұрын

    I imagine Kurt to be an individual who is into autoerotic asphyxiation

  • @rphxleonine

    @rphxleonine

    7 жыл бұрын

    IDK why, but I can see that.

  • @clone10123

    @clone10123

    7 жыл бұрын

    yep

  • @cleoz9274

    @cleoz9274

    7 жыл бұрын

    It's in the eyes, it's all in those eyes 0_0

  • @vault0143

    @vault0143

    7 жыл бұрын

    Too tall

  • @mahatmakanejeeves3706

    @mahatmakanejeeves3706

    7 жыл бұрын

    Vault0 All you need is a belt. No height requirement needed.

  • @jmsmith1767
    @jmsmith17677 жыл бұрын

    I LOVE that CC put this up and didn't bow down and shut the guy out due to his recent comments. Kudos CC and great story Kurt

  • @IdoIndeedFlip

    @IdoIndeedFlip

    7 жыл бұрын

    What?

  • @GunslingingHavocHD

    @GunslingingHavocHD

    5 жыл бұрын

    was he talking about a specific comedian or just making up a description?

  • @blahblah2176

    @blahblah2176

    5 жыл бұрын

    GunslingingHavocHD yea CC gave his knife away

  • @sarahbarkley9714
    @sarahbarkley97147 жыл бұрын

    GREAT STORY! This one was awesome! Team Kurt!

  • @pashlyn
    @pashlyn5 жыл бұрын

    Every time I hear someone telling jokes like this about witnesses I'm like "Where tf was this when I was a witness?"

  • @titanoflight2930

    @titanoflight2930

    5 жыл бұрын

    😂😂😂 every once in a while you'll have a scandal like that, my congregation had one like 4-5 years ago

  • @arteedeetoo3144

    @arteedeetoo3144

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@titanoflight2930 what's it like to be a Jehovah's witnesses?

  • @titanoflight2930

    @titanoflight2930

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@arteedeetoo3144 dull, boring and very sexuality frustrating also you kinda lowkey have to live with the constant fear that if get caught committing any sin you'll be shunned by everyone you've ever know. I think that pretty much sums it up for me 😂. Now if you have no such desires then its probably a very fulfilling life, generally the people you meet are good ones in terms of their moral character (yes there are some bad ones but any institution will have them) even with disputes generally they are solved quickly and in your time of need, from my experiences having lived in 2 countries, brothers will always unquestionably come to your aide. Because of the principals you're raised with mostly the kids will turn out alright in terms of avoiding drugs alchol and such vices as well as some criminal tendencies, conducts that some people struggle for years but can leave behind when they come into the congregation. That said it truly is a difficult life personally i don't see my self committing too it in the long run but i do understand the appeal it has for some people.

  • @audreymai2773

    @audreymai2773

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@nadeen1111 bad timing. Better stay where you are. There is nothing good for you out here.

  • @jondunmore4268

    @jondunmore4268

    4 жыл бұрын

    You were deep in it, so you didn't realize what a douchebag you were being while you were being one.

  • @LetsSmokePodcast
    @LetsSmokePodcast5 жыл бұрын

    THANKS... FOR MEN still my favorite line out of this amazing story

  • @kitpalmer1583
    @kitpalmer15837 жыл бұрын

    This guy fucking ruled on Horace and Pete

  • @galileoshift8330
    @galileoshift83306 жыл бұрын

    Metzger is an underated genius : his undetectable delivery , setups & punchlines are delayed nuclear bombs. a fckg original

  • @Garrett_T.
    @Garrett_T.7 жыл бұрын

    Holy fuck. Great story. Had me laughing the whole time. Kurt seems like such a genuine dude, even while don't believe 100% of this tale. That's the sign of an great story teller

  • @sirwoodofeast9497
    @sirwoodofeast94972 жыл бұрын

    10:51 the on the verge crying happy tone while answering a phone at work is accurate.

  • @notsure1135
    @notsure11355 жыл бұрын

    I have watched a heap of these in the last two days, this is outstanding.

  • @jessiesmart3738
    @jessiesmart37387 жыл бұрын

    I grew up a witness and this had me dying lol

  • @jfdesignsinc.innovationsid1583
    @jfdesignsinc.innovationsid15836 жыл бұрын

    this guys sense of humor is off the chain! ive never seen anything like this in my life....... this guy rocks

  • @SoooOriginal
    @SoooOriginal7 жыл бұрын

    Probably my favorite story so far!

  • @menyjackets593
    @menyjackets5932 жыл бұрын

    This is one of the best sets i've ever seen, so much talent

  • @emilyvalcourt6222
    @emilyvalcourt62226 жыл бұрын

    i connect with the whole religous secret life thing its so strange

  • @kathrynmaes1752
    @kathrynmaes17523 жыл бұрын

    I used to cut my son’s guns off his toy soldiers, and we called them “guys”. I can’t believe how close to home it was. It made me realize that people raised as Witnesses, we all have a similar vernacular to each other!

  • @-Zer0Dark-

    @-Zer0Dark-

    3 жыл бұрын

    Cults tend to have their own vocabulary. A young boy (also a Witness) my mom used to babysit got a major spanking one day when his mom saw him use a stick like a gun. She beat him with a wooden spoon and shouted about how Jehovah didn't approve of violence. Because, you know, logic.

  • @rudycantu5905
    @rudycantu59054 жыл бұрын

    "it's called Gamespot now" lmaoo

  • @v.k.7463
    @v.k.7463Ай бұрын

    I saw this on TV, when it 1st aired, & for some reason the whole story sank into my memory, & I thought it was such a funny story. Then I spent a lot of time searching YT for it, & finally here it is!

  • @grantperkins368
    @grantperkins3682 жыл бұрын

    Rambling yet tight,nice delivery, great characterizations and a nice twist at the end. Cool.

  • @adelante3938

    @adelante3938

    2 жыл бұрын

    For real

  • @madisonbell5481
    @madisonbell54813 жыл бұрын

    Calling it - Joe Rogan's in that crowd man. I know that laugh anywhere...

  • @dankajay8638

    @dankajay8638

    3 жыл бұрын

    I was also catching hints of the old rogan laugh hahahahaha

  • @blueandgreenslacks
    @blueandgreenslacks5 жыл бұрын

    One of the best not happenings I've seen.

  • @pointlessopinion611
    @pointlessopinion6114 жыл бұрын

    This is like my 10th time watching this since they put it up. Its great everytime Metzger is really underrated hes one of my favorites I wish he had more stuff out.

  • @jaygroomes1357
    @jaygroomes13574 жыл бұрын

    every time my dad sees a black car that isn't usually at our neighbors house, he comes in my room and says, "don't go into the living room because the witnesses are at Doug's. I'll be in my room."

  • @HoangNguyen-im4rd
    @HoangNguyen-im4rd7 жыл бұрын

    Anyone else wonders when his eyes are gonna pop out?

  • @sylantproductions7074
    @sylantproductions70745 жыл бұрын

    ANY Former witnesses here that have heard the urban legend about the Smurf walking out the Kingdom Hall? What’s the version you remember?

  • @sarahcross1572

    @sarahcross1572

    5 жыл бұрын

    Lol wow I don't think I've heard that legend now I'm curious

  • @yikesyikes5974

    @yikesyikes5974

    5 жыл бұрын

    We werent suppose to watch the Smurfs because it had magic in it. My family was more liberal JWs so we ignored a lot of non sense. We had worldly friends, listened to all music and watched the Smurfs. Lol. We just never celebrated holidays.

  • @jo5e9h016

    @jo5e9h016

    5 жыл бұрын

    Sylant Stevens Yes I have heard this story growing up going to the meetings with my parents. The story would go that a young girl had brought a Smurf doll to a nightly meeting along with her. The doll actually stood up and ran off on its own. Actually was thinking about this story a few weeks back, crazy to just see it now lol

  • @audreymai2773

    @audreymai2773

    5 жыл бұрын

    I remember that story.

  • @retrohipster994

    @retrohipster994

    5 жыл бұрын

    It never ceases to amaze me at the flat-out lies let the faithful tell each other. It's like they just don't get any of the magic from their books anymore and worried the little put other people off of accepting whatever deity, then they tell themselves they're doing god's work or something. When Kurt said the thing about pretending that Moses was watching you really felt the wait there I think. He didn't seem I was joking about it and looked a bit annoyed. I wonder just how much he didn't live life when he was younger because of oppressive concept like that. :-( I grew up religious too and still have moments that I don't feel comfortable with myself.

  • @nickk1109
    @nickk11095 жыл бұрын

    I've watched a lot of these and this might be my favorite one so far. Usually I watch them while doing other stuff but I actually felt like I had to pay attention the whole time.

  • @tzokrin3761
    @tzokrin37617 жыл бұрын

    Single-handedly the best intros on any KZread channel!

  • @lutherstcroix9392
    @lutherstcroix93926 жыл бұрын

    Okay, I need D'Shaunthani to come on this show and tell his story 🙏🙏🙏

  • @spaceshipkhan
    @spaceshipkhan7 жыл бұрын

    the intros are completely unnecessary

  • @thedudeabides503

    @thedudeabides503

    6 жыл бұрын

    spaceshipkhan they're awesome.

  • @hardovski7103

    @hardovski7103

    6 жыл бұрын

    So is Ari Shaffir

  • @amandastypul4399

    @amandastypul4399

    6 жыл бұрын

    They're like bonus content. Did I miss the memo about whining being cool? Because there sure are a lot of whiners on these videos about the intros.

  • @amandastypul4399

    @amandastypul4399

    6 жыл бұрын

    Aru Srs Same thing every time? Nah. Seems to me they made a different intro for each episode. They have 3 or 4 guests, so if you watch the individual talks, you will see the same intro. You're watching free content, be grateful it is there and you have the ability to view it. If it's 1:30 of bullshit, then you know exactly where you can scrub to view the content you actually want. Or you can try to appreciate the work of others.

  • @LadyVoldemort

    @LadyVoldemort

    5 жыл бұрын

    I like them, I think they're entertaining. 😁

  • @nickmanthe-ish2594
    @nickmanthe-ish25942 жыл бұрын

    I came across you while watching Kyle. I knew there was something special about you. Glad that you made it out relatively unharmed.

  • @jeffzahnd
    @jeffzahnd7 жыл бұрын

    Omg....amazing stories man! This show is da bomb. haven't heard a boring story yet.

  • @danh4724
    @danh47247 жыл бұрын

    This dude was great on Horace and Pete.

  • @danielnelson424

    @danielnelson424

    6 жыл бұрын

    Dan Ham thaaaaat's where I remember him from

  • @aimeelee76
    @aimeelee765 жыл бұрын

    I've watched most, if not all of these, and this is by far my favorite. ...what if Moses saw?!

  • @jhern083
    @jhern0837 жыл бұрын

    Gotta love the slow-play jokes, totally worth the time put in for the pay off at the punchline.

  • @hb3528
    @hb35283 жыл бұрын

    The genius/savant who became an enforcer is a testament to how much the people you are surrounded with lift or push you down

  • @rodneykennedy7314
    @rodneykennedy73147 жыл бұрын

    I can definitely relate to the Jehovah's witnesses part

  • @monadamus42

    @monadamus42

    5 жыл бұрын

    Hey Rodney! You have an awesome profile picture. I blew it up and I really like it and all the words. Kinda looks like Frank Ocean too which is dope. Take care!

  • @nategonsalves4184
    @nategonsalves41845 жыл бұрын

    These stories are amazing.

  • @joshkw2328
    @joshkw23283 жыл бұрын

    This was one of the most entertaining stories I’ve ever heard

  • @johnchemist8628
    @johnchemist86289 ай бұрын

    That was such a great, hilarious story. I'm so happy you're working with Jimmy Dore. Many thanks

  • @sagessetherestless1310
    @sagessetherestless13104 жыл бұрын

    Dude as a former witness this shit hits home.

  • @recnepsyarg

    @recnepsyarg

    2 жыл бұрын

    What did you see?

  • @artes.impias
    @artes.impias7 жыл бұрын

    Him and Mike Stoklasa could be brothers.

  • @rachskald

    @rachskald

    7 жыл бұрын

    I thought it was just me! :D

  • @ElaM
    @ElaM4 жыл бұрын

    This is one of the best stories i've heard, ever.. If not the best one

  • @calviincalifornia4048
    @calviincalifornia40485 жыл бұрын

    man this might be the best one ever! :) the best juan ever what a great story

  • @Winner5zero4
    @Winner5zero47 жыл бұрын

    My favorite story on this series.

  • @shannyndavis6523
    @shannyndavis65237 жыл бұрын

    I can't keep frpm thinking that this guy has Rodney Dangerfield expressions with his eyes. lol

  • @WeekendUpdate7

    @WeekendUpdate7

    7 жыл бұрын

    Ha, yeah I see it.

  • @partykrew666

    @partykrew666

    7 жыл бұрын

    dude, yeah, i couldnt stop noticing that

  • @chrishamilton2559

    @chrishamilton2559

    5 жыл бұрын

    I can't keep from thinking that you have Faye Dunaway expressions with your eyes

  • @christianhernandez4053
    @christianhernandez40532 жыл бұрын

    we need a new series of this.

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