Might as well check out world anvil while you're here all I'm saying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ www.worldanvil.com/critcrab

@elextrano7597

2 жыл бұрын

Man?... Thats a eternal honry Teen a manchild if you will

@battel_bruser3928

2 жыл бұрын

we need the story on you accidentally killing someone lol

@FreedomAndPeaceOnly

2 жыл бұрын

So "Jelly" the typical Soyboy who could not overcome Chad, because he is Chad. ^^

@exect01

2 жыл бұрын

yor sound is low again , good content tou

@jaredbledsoe-sams1361

2 жыл бұрын

10:46 while I agree alot of unspoken issues, I find it odd, the need to assume their sex life. Yes they are loser, but you need to be a bigger loser, to have this need to assume their sex life to use as a baseless insult. That aside, man them some cringe boys.

“My GF would say I’m very dominant” has the same air about it as “my mom says I’m handsome”!

@TheGamingWard

Жыл бұрын

My uncle works at Nintendo 😂😂

@User-kq3od

11 ай бұрын

"My grandma says Ill get all the girls some day" 😂 literally bro

@DoneWithAlgorithmTorture

10 ай бұрын

IF I HAD ONE!

@craigford33

6 ай бұрын

@@TheGamingWardmy dad works for Microsoft

@themesoceneofficial8559

4 ай бұрын

“Grandma says I’m quite the ladies man… ..If I HAD any”

It always surprises me when DMs try to “win” a game. You are literally god. It is ridiculously easy to kill someone, look a bunch of ancients red dragons, you all have just been ambushed by all of them, and half use their breath weapons and the other half will use it the next turn while the other hold you down for good measure. It is way harder to make a challenging but balanced encounter.

@thefairybug40

2 жыл бұрын

The only game where the DM should be playing 'against' the party is if Strahd is involved. And even then, the goal should be to give the party a challenging victory, not to grind them into the dust and 'win' D&D.

@abedrahman4519

2 жыл бұрын

100% agreed. There are no broken characters or classes (Compared to the power the DM holds). The DM can kill any character at any given moment if he/she wants to. It is bonkers to see such DMs exist

@letsplaysvonaja1714

2 жыл бұрын

You don't even need dragons, just have a goblin tribe do an actually strategic attack Like archers in the back, melee in the front, focus the healer, etc.

@craigh5236

2 жыл бұрын

'Rocks fall! Everyone dies' *DM WIns* *Fatality*

@skycastrum5803

2 жыл бұрын

These stories always seem a bit cringe to me. Like, sure, the target of the story usually did some crap. But if I hear “A DM tried and failed to kill me,” I instantly think that this DM is still showing at least some restraint. Crab’s moralizing is probably part of the problem though. I tend to have a more balanced view, but someone ignoring one side of it usually tilts me away.

"I'm jealous of you and the relationship you have with a female at the table so I will kill your character and she will know my worth" Creepy DM logic.

@linda-0587

2 жыл бұрын

Everyone else: *Jackie Chan ‘WTF?’meme face*

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

I mean, that's not incorrect. She would know his worth. Not very much, but still.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

"A relationship that doesn't exist and goes as far as casual talk"

@lumosiron2315

2 жыл бұрын

The saddest thing is he failed to kill someone as the dm

@ODST626

2 жыл бұрын

Some tried that crap with me but at a vid game tournament that i wasnt even in originally. Dude just kept blatantly hitting on my girlfriend while talking mad trash about me to my face. Like wut? So she was just like "whatever lets go somewhere else" and im like "yea sure" and he freaking challenges me all "if you can make it to the finales I'll challenge you to a duel". One of the event runners saw the commotion and was all for it. I got put in last second. Slaughtered my way to the finales. They changed my controllers layout to be completely different. A is now B up is now down ect. I still beat him. I don't think I've seen someone so confident and outspoken look so defeated. As we were leaving she turned to him and said something along the lines of "even if he had lost it wouldn't have made a difference. You're a terribke human being and I can and did do better than you". Probably the best moment of that relationship. Ended in a horrible dumpsterfire so lets not pretend it was happily ever after. But it made me happy.

"Guys! I'm NOT CRINGE! I'm just DOMINANT, that's all!" Homie, the only thing dominant about you is your stench! XD

@the4given196

2 жыл бұрын

if u have to say that your alpha, you arent alpha, youre just cringe

@Matt-td8xw

2 жыл бұрын

It's even better knowing that real life "alphas" were just wolves that took care of the puppers.

@raveneskridge3143

2 жыл бұрын

oh my god i'm using this. that's so fucking great

@Nitosa

2 жыл бұрын

@@Matt-td8xw yeah and research shows that there isn't a alpha male in wolf packs.

@brandonteneyuca3201

2 жыл бұрын

@@Nitosa yeah that term is outdated and even said so by the guy who WROTE THE BOOK the term came from

about the jelly story, your best friend when being constantly targeted by all enemies is the dodge action. not a lot of fun for you but will annoy the dm 100%

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

OP here: Jelly had a rule that flank and back attacks were considered a guaranteed hit if not noticed or even getting bonus damage. Since he spawned some enemies from nowhere and surrounded my Fighter, there was not much I could do, besides nearly die. And on the original posts, commenters said this was bullshit and that I should still have my shield, but at the time I didn't know that and seemed logical.

@godsamongmen8003

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 So if you and the ranger were teenagers getting rides from your parents, was Jelly the same age? Maybe we can hope he matures and looks back on this as an embarrassing memory.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@godsamongmen8003 I was 16 and the Ranger player was slightly older than me, 18 I believe. As for DM, he was... Around 25? I'm not sure, he seemed to be a full-grown adult, but his beard (not neckbeard, a regular one), face and demeanor sure made him look older if he was our age group.

@godsamongmen8003

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 I knew a guy in high school who had a full beard by age 15. But if this guy is over 20 then so much for going easy.

@Badartist888

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 a) nice story. and b) as someone who normally leaves out flanking (5e) because I think the rules are broken (normally not in the players favour if you balance the rights right) that rule alone would have been a big yikes for me and I probably would have left the game. But having said that have you considered being a DM.... I tend to be permanent DM, or I used to be for a long time, so I get the desire to just, play. But you could clearly do better than Jelly.

"This character is so powerful it will kill you in 2 hits!" "Oh, so you're a garbage DM who doesn't know how to balance encounters?" "... Wait--"

@valentinmitterbauer4196

2 жыл бұрын

This radiates "Most of you will fail my class!- Well, then you are probably a pretty bad teacher"- energy

@spectralumbra1568

2 жыл бұрын

@@valentinmitterbauer4196 When "those" teachers run a school's roleplaying club.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@valentinmitterbauer4196 I had a teacher like this once. It was such a power move when most of the class studied and passed his class out of pure collective spite.

@taniawilson6121

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 it would be hilarious if that was his intention from the start. After all spite is a powerful motivator. Maybe by “playing the villain” he challenged you to beat him. I’m not serious obviously, I just have to much free time like too think up pointless scenarios.

@kamaljohnson2200

2 жыл бұрын

.

Jelly was jealous of OP for talking to a girl, and they aren't even in a relationship. That's how petty he was. Basically he tried to kill OP for something that wasn't even a thing.

@vuelle9816

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, that’s what they said?

@karlispovisils5297

2 жыл бұрын

He was pretty jelly

@TheRenofox

2 жыл бұрын

People like that are an archetype at bars too. "They see every male as a threat trying to steal their girlfriend, and if they don't have a girlfriend, they're even more dangerous because they see every female as their potential girlfriend."

@neophyteredglare961

2 жыл бұрын

Its because jelly envied how this guy had basic interactions with a girl, i doubt he ever talked to one before lmao

@peridotentertainment8287

2 жыл бұрын

@@neophyteredglare961 Yeah, like a guy getting mad at someone who didn't say anything rude. That person wasn't even saying anything offensive or inappropriate. Making the guy look or sound like they are overreacting. Probably not the best example, but it was all I can think of.

Two more great stories. Beginning to notice a trend where people are stopping the bullshit before it gets a chance to spread. Big ups to first DM for standing her ground against Captain Kink

@animeotaku307

2 жыл бұрын

For a moment I thought you were talking about this story. But yeah, DM in the last video is who I aspire to be.

@monalisamartian5472

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you (it was my story)

@jamiekamihachi3135

2 жыл бұрын

Ah yes Captain Kink. Captain Kirk’s cousin who does porn.

''A whole library at my clawtips'' im starting to believe he's an actual crab

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

But he is one though, duh.

@AlriikRidesAgain

2 жыл бұрын

W-wait. Have you not yet returned to crab?

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

@@AlriikRidesAgain It's an ascension, not a return!

@demonzero677

2 жыл бұрын

@@yvaskhmir More of a choice. I'm a part timer with it. Sorta like a Were-crab.

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

@@demonzero677 Does the moon impact your inner crab?

"it may seem pretty, but as a woman..." No. Nope. None of that. It is NOT petty. I'm a 28 year old man, and I would absolutely do the exact same thing. The second this dude can't accept someone else's boundaries, and feel compelled to defend themselves against the perceived slight of "they don't wanna do my kink thing", they're out. If they can't accept such a reasonable request as keeping kinks and fetishes out of a game, then they are not at the right table, and they need to go.

@Badartist888

2 жыл бұрын

Concur 100%. And also I'm into kink as a Dom so one thing I do understand is consent. You don't get to pull me into your fetish unless I've approved and if you try to do it with someone at the table..... bye.

@jojbenedoot7459

2 жыл бұрын

@@sasori2425 tbf there is a such thing as "consensual non-consent" but that's very specific and it doesn't at all excuse bringing this stuff to the DnD table without explicit consent from all parties

@smelly4498

2 жыл бұрын

i’m definitely a zero tolerance DM. if anyone tried to force an inappropriate scene, made odd comments to other players in or out of game, or anything similar they would be out. the game is fun because everyone has a say in the story and what type of game it is, but that also means that keeping everyone safe and comfortable is an absolute priority, especially as a game master. i personally don’t like when GMs try to stop the player in-game because that almost makes it a challenge for the bad player to keep trying and can make it easier to not be taken seriously or have it drag on longer than it needs to. im overall pretty chill as a DM but blatant cheating to the point where nobody is having fun, and trying to weasel in kink/sex scenes/ potentially triggering things into a game is a full stop for me. especially as a young woman in the TTRPG space, i need to protect myself and other vulnerable people in my group from weirdos like that. no hate to the kink community btw if a bunch of people just wanna have fantasy sex and fight dragons more power to ya. consent is sexy :)

@charlottewalnut3118

2 жыл бұрын

I mean it’s petty to think you have to deal with creeps just because you’re a woman I have to deal with creepy people all the time in spite of being a 6 foot three guy it’s almost like everyone has to deal with creepy people despite how they look the only people who don’t have to deal with creepers are like Bjornsson Halfthor

@smelly4498

2 жыл бұрын

@@charlottewalnut3118 i’m not saying other people don’t get harassed or have to deal with creepy people. i said “especially as a woman” because women overall have been more of a target (like in this video where someone preyed specifically on women) i’m not at all denying the experiences of you or anyone else who had to deal with this stuff, and maybe i wasn’t clear enough in my wording. i said “others who are vulnerable” which i meant to mean people who get targeted the most. it was by no measure meant to make it seem like men or anybody else didn’t have to deal with these people, but rather as a woman i feel a need to help others who deal with this sort of thing since so many of us have had similar experiences. i feel it’s extra important in a mainly men focused player base to make the distinction, but i’ve definitely seen my fair share of men who are affected as well. again, while women are generally the ones more commonly affected, i want to help others as well. i’m sorry you also have to deal with this sort of thing, and if i had the power to i would stop it for everyone. this is tangential to the main point but i wanted to mention it can be really frustrating as a woman to hear “what about men” while specifically talking about something a woman has faced. the problems men face are just as serious and upsetting as when a woman experiences them, and it’s really unfortunate that men aren’t usually taken as seriously when it comes to harassment or abuse. that being said, oftentimes it can feel like men only bring up their issues as a comeback to devalue women’s experiences. again, men don’t but SHOULD come forward about this sort of thing, but oftentimes those who do take up space that was meant specifically for women, and the whole point of the conversation gets lost in arguments. men: please speak up and raise awareness, it’s so important, please be aware of how you do it so that everybody can receive closure. i’m not at all trying to be rude or call specifically you out with this whole thing. i want men to feel safe in the community, too. i’ve dealt with a lot of guys who use this comeback as a way to harm me or others or to not talk about the problem at hand. sorry for the novel. feel free to ask for clarification, i’m sorry you’ve had to deal with creeps too :/

Text: "me and Ranger's player" Voice: "me and Ragnar's player" *nods sagely* Yes, a marked improvement

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

Ragner the Ranger sounds like a Saturday Morning cartoon character.

@LocalMaple

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t get it. Does Ragnar rock?

@linda-0587

2 жыл бұрын

*HA!*

@ProcyonDei

2 жыл бұрын

Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red Who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade As he told of bold battles and gold he had made

@easyontheagavesauce

2 жыл бұрын

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red When he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed And so then came clashing and slashing of steel As the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor

DM:"See this D20? I only need a 5 to hit you! You'll be lucky if you survive 2 hits!" Player:"Oh, so you're admitting you don't know how to balance an encounter eh?"

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

OP here: I became a Forever DM from 5 out of the 10 years between Jelly's story and nowadays. When I decided to become a player again, my DM was a control freak who made tests I needed a 17 out of a D20 to pass, made his DMPC effectively jump from level 5 to 45 when giving him a +10 on all stats and balanced all of the encounters around said DMPC. (And that's just the tip of the iceberg of that table) I seem to have a lot of luck with DMs. On a bright side: My character became a beloved underdog to the point that when I left the game after some major bullshit, other 3 ditched the game as well because, and I quote "OP's character was the sole reason I even bothered to stay In the game."

@Vagran

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 That sweet feeling of vindication must have been amazing. Did that make it partly worthwhile?

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@Vagran Yes, especially considering that no one cared for DM's oh so powerful and misunderstood DMPC, that my character got a BF thanks to his himbo personality and that I continued the story In a TTRPG of my own. Basically, DMPC's edginess went to isolate and alienating him from everyone, marking his ruin and my character became a guide/master of my regular players. And BF came to the game to sort of becoming the Party's mom. And yeah, at the beginning he was more powerful than the players, but I balanced that by either making him occupied with other tasks or with enemies on his own, and even In situations he was present, he only interfered if party was In major danger. Months later, they surpassed him, I felt proud both In and out of game.

@Vagran

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 Looks like you figured out the proper way of using a DMNPC. Don't outshine the party, so simple, yet so many DM's fail at it. Great job.

The incel can't conceive of friendly, platonic relationships between men and women. In his mind, there's no reason a guy would ever talk to a lady if he wasn't trying to lure her into a relationship.

@Ozymandias2x

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like shippers to me.

@fuzzyzombielove

2 жыл бұрын

​@@Ozymandias2x Shippers can't conceive of ANY platonic relationship between two or more people/monsters/robots/ponies/warrior cats etc. Especially if they're openly hostile towards each other.

@Ozymandias2x

2 жыл бұрын

@@fuzzyzombielove Hmmm... yeah, that tracks.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ozymandias2x Difference Is shippers WANT the 2 people to get TOGETHER no matter what, the Incel NEEDS 1 of the people for THEM no matter what.

@The_B_Button

2 жыл бұрын

NGL, this sounds more like this incel thought TC was dating the girl or they were potentially "close" if you catch my meaning. The incel may have been trying to get the TC killed so TC could be left out and maybe encouraged to leave so the incel could have the poor girl to himself.

Its always fun watching people think "ah yes if I torment this one person for being a friend with malady she will surly fall in love with me for making this Neanderthal weep in my campaign"

@stickytim64

2 жыл бұрын

I thought you were trying to use the word malady. It took a bit to realize you meant m'lady

@user-pu6pn8vt5d

Жыл бұрын

Hey, do you still like your old replies?

I mean, the DM basically could do absolutely anything. Form materializing a trap or cursing a potato, to straight up creating a magic-based nuke. Hell, even the werewolf could explode on death from all that necro magics. How did he not manage to kill one targeted player in 4 sessions, I have no idea.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

OP here: The best answer I can come up with Is sheer incompetence, low rolls and the fact that he either had too little to work with (we were on a wasteland) or he wanted to properly set up our demise (how nice of him). He might've been petty, but at least he had *SOME* standards.

@ForeverLaxx

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 Sounds more like he lacks imagination/skill or wanted it to appear "legit" and not entirely contrived. Of course, with the aforementioned lack of imagination/skill his attempts to appear legitimate were obviously not.

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 Yeah, I can imagine the guy forming pseudo-plans on how to "punish those pesky players", but without creativity it's more like counting on players voluntarly jump into a death pit.

@kalreynolds5829

2 жыл бұрын

Because it's an obviously fake story that OP wrote hoping it'd end up here, and look, he's ended up here. Literally, the DM supposedly engaged the tank specifically, which is uh, the tank's job, that's a good thing for the party, with a werewolf that wasn't even able to down a single member of the party. And literally acted like a cartoon character the whole time. He could have killed the party any number of ways, the easiest being a few enemies who are less dangerous, and some actual targetting, not just giving the tank his job, but that would require a few more creative writing classes on behalf of the poster.

@yvaskhmir

2 жыл бұрын

@@kalreynolds5829 I think this is a bit too harsh. There are some people, who are like that. Sure, they aren't THAT common, but common enough. Every single "society" has its idiots.

Annoyingly, I could see that setting being a really good setpiece in the hands of someone more competent. The idea of two rival archmages, banished to a demiplane where they've remain entrapped for for centuries, both drunk on their own megalomania and each wholly bent on the destruction of the other, despite the fact that the nature of their eternally renewable armies of Constructs or Undead as they salvage battlefields for carrion and clockwork means they are trapped in a never-ending stalemate, a self contained egotistical version of their own Blood War; That could be a really cool mid to high level quest! Have the party sent there by an ally or to steal a book from their library, an artefact from their laboratory, a lost item carried or grafted onto a corpse-general or enhanced Flesh Golem, retrieving something lost there by a previous ill-fated expedition... There's a lot to do with that setting.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

Crappy/Creepy DMs have a strange knack for creating actually interesting campaign ideas, but execute them horribly and most times use it as an outlet for creepy things. (Flashback to the R*pey DM who made a MHA In fantasy setting, but ended executing the male characters and public humiliating the female ones)

@LupineShadowOmega

2 жыл бұрын

I would throw it all in Ravenloft and make them both the master of the realm. Basically they are both trapped forever in their war because of all the horrors they have perpetuated.

@SapphireDragon357

2 жыл бұрын

Fun fact: This is more or less the "lore" behind every game of Magic: the Gathering.

@mrruniccross1226

2 жыл бұрын

@@SapphireDragon357 Real talk though he basically ripped off Innistrad for the setting. The war is between Gisa and Geralf.

@Vael221

2 жыл бұрын

​@@LupineShadowOmega Yeah, it sounds like a decent Ravenloft setting for a survival horror game. Like, the regular citizens/players are basically just third parties trying to avoid being collateral damage, so they are never really the main targets of attacks; early levels are just surviving/protecting people from fringe groups from either side. Once they actually start becoming a threat the Darklords take notice but at that point they can handle it.

It's sad that OP is already used to men being creepy around her.

@Badartist888

2 жыл бұрын

From my understanding, that is most women by the time they hit ten, twelve if they are lucky.

@cristiaolson7327

2 жыл бұрын

@@Badartist888 Yah, pretty much. Doubly so if you are either very attractive *or* a huge nerd. The former get it worse because they're pretty, and the latter get it worse because they're supposed to be grateful for the attention. I'm really glad my friends were all really comfortable with being a supportive co-ed group when I was first getting into TTRPG. Creeps got told off and/or expelled pretty fast, by both the girls and the guys. I still game with some of those people 20 years later.

My experience with tabletop is limited. I'm deaf, so it's hard to find a game I can actually play without assistance. But stories like these make me glad that I have that reason to be picky. I've never had a horror story. The only actual D&D game I've played in was one I wasn't originally going to be a part of. My boyfriend got into it, and asked the others if it would be okay if I sat in and observed. With a speech to text transcriber, and occasional signs from him, I'd be able to follow the story. Not only did they all agree that this would be fine, but most of the other players, and the GM immediately started asking if it would be okay to change the format of the game to a play by post so I could participate as well. The game was set in a homebrew world made up of floating continents above an ocean full of things that would eat you whether you survived falling in or not. The world was designed in such a way that literally any character could fit in. It was something of a nexus world, with portals opening randomly and dropping people and objects at various locations. It was a weird world, but the open nature of it was a lot of fun. We were on a quest to help a half-orc priestess gain the blessings of all of the gods. And by that, I mean a blessing from every pantheon ever. Thankfully we didn't have to talk to each god individually, as that would have taken years even if we did one every session once a week. It was still set to be a long campaign, but sadly, the GM had to go back to school, and it ended too soon. Though the game was short, I will never forget the effort that group made to welcome me to their online table.

@CyclopticStormCloud

Жыл бұрын

hope you can get the ability to hear in your life, good luck though

The first guys female deity was primarily "Seductive and Crazy", does he happen to write for Blizzard? They'd probably hire him.

@phabiorules

2 жыл бұрын

Not anymore. But they would hire him in a heartbeat if his deity was a bowl of fruit.

@RageTyrannosaurus

2 жыл бұрын

@@phabiorules What is this a reference to? Are you referring to the reveal that the planet Azeroth is sapient?

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@phabiorules That King Julien (from Madagascar) show legit has a pineapple (and other fruits) as God(s).

@AndrewNotAndy-_-

2 жыл бұрын

@@RageTyrannosaurus After blizzard got into some lawsuit drama over treating their female workers badly, they decided it was a good idea to change some of the in game portraits (Which were previously portrait of half naked women) to bowls of fruit

@BannerMirror501

2 жыл бұрын

He may not be able to use those writing skills but they will hire him none the less.

Been going down the whole channel for the last three days. And this mans uploads just to keep me going. Thank you KingCrab 👑 🦀

@CritCrab

2 жыл бұрын

🦀 THE CRAB UPLOADS 🦀

@carmenpopescu1284

2 жыл бұрын

Damn critcrab . Not a lot of people can say the same about their upload schedule

Omega brain theory: Jelly DM trying to push OP and girl together and he's actually the ultimate wingman uniting them against a bad DM

@toe_sucker_4165

2 жыл бұрын

You're living so many parallel universes ahead of us that you're well behind.

@mdalsted

2 жыл бұрын

Huh, wouldn't that be a twist! Unfortunately, it's really unlikely that that was the case.

@themoocow7718

2 жыл бұрын

What a twist!

Y'know, seeing as the monster in question was an *enhanced werewolf,* I think Jelly was roleplaying himself in there and failing to hit properly was only making him more dead set on landing a relief crit or something

7:03 "Oh, there once was a hero named Ragnar the Red Who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade As he told of bold battles and gold he had made But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red When he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed And so then came clashing and slashing of steel As the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more When his ugly red head rolled around on the floor"

@linda-0587

2 жыл бұрын

*Skyrim Tavern Dance*

@pagananikey

2 жыл бұрын

Nice

@zeehero7280

Жыл бұрын

Never drink all of a nord woman's mead. she will destroy you.

Idk why but your voice is just nice to listen to, i honestly have no idea why. I just love it 🦀🦀🦀

@CritCrab

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you that's so nice!! 🦀

@emilbendixsrensen3185

2 жыл бұрын

@@CritCrab no, thank YOU for making awesome content

@WolfHreda

2 жыл бұрын

That's the advantage of his crab mandibles.

Ehh, I respect the DM for not killing the player with some rocks or other DM bs excuses. He might be evil, but at least he is a lawful evil.

@flamewolfscout3978

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think that was him showing restraint toward those other options. I think it was more a case of generally not thinking very much, being so laser-focused on this one style that that was just the first method that came to mind.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

OP here: I personally believe Jelly was either too incompetent or his sadistic side he was infamous for demanded a slow and torturous demise instead of a simple "BOOM! YOU ARE DED!".

@BigPurpleCarrot

2 жыл бұрын

@@mqfii8992 Why didn't he just give the werewolf twice the health or a ridiculous AC? Seems unlikely a dm that's trying to kill you couldn't easily.

@mqfii8992

2 жыл бұрын

@@BigPurpleCarrot He did enhanced the Werewolf, hence why he said he only needed 5 on the D20 to hit me. And the whole party backstabbing the monster for 7 turns straight also shows the Werewolf was strong as hell. As for why he didn't enhanced it more, I don't know, I'm not Jelly, I can't for certain unravel the mystery of the machinations of his plan.

@jakeand9020

2 жыл бұрын

It's actually quite difficult to look legit and only kill a single player. Simple answer is the DM didn't want a TPK, he just wanted to kill OP's character. Moreover, it would seem he wanted it to be a flaw with that character/player by killing the tank in combat. In other words, he wanted to make OP look bad without making himself look like a complete dick. Being not overly bright, he failed at both.

I loved the “mating tactics” quip you came up with.

"See this d20, all I need is a 5 to hit you!" Oh noted, I take the dodge action every turn. I'll go get a coffee, brb.

Its so strange to me, why do dudes have to creep on girls in seemingly every form of game, Ive seen it happen myself while playing DnD, at an OTS Playing Yu-Gi-Oh, and even just playing videogames, can we just leave them alone, please? they just wanna play games like us ffs, no different than us

@BetaGunslinger

2 жыл бұрын

The reason is because they have pretty much no experience with girls, and when they see a girl they think is 'in their league', they pounce at the opportunity.

@urgay2742

2 жыл бұрын

as a girl, thank you for this

@skycastrum5803

2 жыл бұрын

Quite often they got something going on upstairs. Tbh, everyone is a result of what they’re born with and their experiences, so even if you don’t know a person is, say, rather autistic, it’s still reasonable to try to be understanding. And their lives tend to be worse off than whoever they happen to be creeping on. Reason to just accept it? Totally not. But it’s more accurate to keep in mind than just ranting about their creepiness.

@pambronson4467

2 жыл бұрын

@Nova Leader, as a female gamer who has put up with these issues since I first set foot into the game store..... Thank you!

@skycastrum5803

2 жыл бұрын

@@pambronson4467 I'm autistic. Don't really care for Autism Speaks, though they're better than they used to be. It absolutely can play a part. Autism is largely about hyper focus. Combine that with how it interacts with other traits and you get the majority of the spectrum. Autistics often end up in more... fringe parts of society, be it politics, furries, fandoms, table top, or most any group wrapped around particular interests, due to a greater likelihood of pursuing those interests. The social awkwardness is not directly caused by autism, but autistics do tend to have a more difficult time in social areas. Part of the issue is simply greater barriers to cognitive empathy. The more differences to how people think, the more difficulty. That's a two way street, but it's more noticeable for autistics because they're having difficulty relating to "normal" people, while everyone else just discounts the autistic person as weird. Autism also can make learning social skills more difficult, since it may not be much of an interest. However, if you're reading my "entire" earlier post, you may have noticed an argument that it doesn't really matter if these "creeps" have a labeled reason for being how they are. Everyone is a result of both their birth and experiences. It doesn't mean everyone should have free pass to act as they will, but a general attempt to understand others is always a good thing. Thanks for your concern.

I’m so glad that as a female DM based on my mostly androgynous appearance people think I’m a dude

As good as patrick at opening pickle jars when it comes to killing players.

@bendystrawz2832

2 жыл бұрын

The lid!

@user-ks5xd4xh9r

2 жыл бұрын

Except that Patrick eventually managed to open a jar, so not even as good.

@Just_an_Ace_on_the_Moon

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-ks5xd4xh9r so as well as getting Gary in the tub?

Once when i was det playing with some if my friends on easter the dm was switching between weighted dice and normal dice so he got really good rolls all the time.

These are so good to listen to by drawing, keep it up!! 🦀🦀🦀

When I started the video, I literally thought the DM was gonna try to kill a player, not just a character. Thank goodness lol

I just discovered your content today, and I must say, I immediately subscribed due to your commentary alone. This video's commentary, plus the angry crab expression had me crying laughing. Best day spent so far.

DM: "WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?!?!?" OP: "Nanomachines, son. They harden in response to physical trauma. You can't hurt me, Jack!"

Your're the best KZread D&D storyteller we have. Thanks for all your hard work CritCrab.

As a frequent DM myself, I can't stand it when other DMs try to kill off their players. You're supposed to challenge them, not give them more than they can handle. One piece of advice I have for all aspiring DMs out there is this: In D&D it's not the DM versus the players. It's the DM and the players working together to create a fun and engaging story.

Second story the dude literally teleported them to the MTG plane of Innisrad in a war between Gisa and Geralf two rival siblings who's whole deal is she is a necromancer and he is a Stitcher.

Love seeing a dm just shut down weird shit before it can ruin a game. Number 1 rule of kink is that you don't push your kink onto anyone without consent.

8:28 - That DM was already full of red flags, but that one takes the cake. Like... Damn.

It's like power-tripping GMs don't realize that all of their "power" over players has been given to them voluntarily, and can be revoked at a moment's notice.

@Badartist888

2 жыл бұрын

So just like doms with subs. Both stories are linked in a very weird way. As someone who is regularly a DM, I also don't get why you a) want to TPK parties and b) how you could fail if you tried.

@winterwombat

2 жыл бұрын

@@Badartist888 Right? Turns out you can't become a good GM just by trying to be a very bad one and failing.

Another great video from the Crab himself. Love your content mate!

I love the wave sounds, its very chill thank you

I find it interesting that almost all of the bad and creepy Dms don´t know how to DM. And I´m not talking about how they behave and treat their players, but more of the mechanical things. Like using a monster to kill your players. If they are about to kill it, just increase it´s HP. Something tells me they don´t want to play DnD because they like the game.....

Your comments on how the first guy “won’t dispute it again.. dang it” made me burst out laughing. Thank you for your humor

Let's be clear: he was absolutely interested in her as a kink model, and his insistence otherwise was a combination of negging and face-saving.

@Badartist888

2 жыл бұрын

As someone who is into that kind of stuff..... it's a really odd term to use as well. Like out of all the ones to pick, yeah he showed where his mind was.

Hey there, CritCrab and Crab Army! OP of the second story here. Thank you so much for reading my humble tale. Been a long time fan of the channel and a similar story sparked my memory and made me remember the tale of Jelly. Hope the story was entertaining for Crab and everyone watching, and if any of you have any questions, I'll answer them the best I can In the replies.

Honestly the idea of a Warlock having a thing for their patron can be interesting to work with, if done right. One of the players in my group is playing a Warlock who's in love with his Archfey patron (his exact words for personality were "simp for his goddess") but he plays it kind of funny since his character is canonically just reached adulthood (he's a human) and he's basically just happy to explore and eagerly wants to please his patron since he has a crush on her. He also plays up the "innocent" aspect of the character, which can become pretty entertaining. A character I'm planning is a sort of Harley Quinn-style warlock who's madly in love with her patron Nyarlathotep, and wants nothing more than to spread chaos in his name (within reason). So if done right, it can be interesting. But if done wrong it gets weird really quickly.

The first DM sounds like a top tier crab.

When I see a new CritCrab video, it's a good day. Even if the story makes me shed seven layers of skin

My first campaign started off really well, with great world building and character development. Unfortunately it quickly went to hell when one or more of the players stopped showing up and convinced the DM that it was because they were uncomfortable with another player. It turned out that they were uncomfortable with an LGBT player. I'll admit that I'm a little too old fashioned and don't understand the LGBT culture as much as I should, but I don't discriminate anyone. I especially don't appreciate the pettiness of these people that wanted to kick the LGBT player. So they tried to kill off that person's character in the next session, but my buddy and I managed to hold off a small army to include a mini boss. This was because the DM was inexperienced and didn't realize how overpowered our characters were. We prevented then from killing off the other character for the next four sessions, until they banned the player on discord and were forced to address the issue instead of trying to hide what they were doing. Unfortunately they tried to cover it up as the player broke the server's terms of use, which they didn't explain to anyone or give any warnings before banning. So my friend and I left too, I kept following the messages in the server to find out that the campaign was run into the ground due to the top three role players in the party backed out or got kicked. Then some time later the DM tried to restart the campaign and invited my friend and I again. I obviously turned it down, and I looked like that didn't last more than a couple sessions too. What I took away from that experience is something I've always subconsciously believed, EVERYONE has the right to enjoy a game. You shouldn't be kicked unless you deserve it.

@joepeake8972

2 жыл бұрын

That's very slimy and cowardly of them. I could understand if the person was coming onto other players but if they just mentioned they preferred the same sex in conversation that shouldn't really set off alarm bells. It must have felt shit being that player - did they ever know the reason?

Thanks for the consistently great videos! Always makes my day!

yup, these stories are just another reason why i only play with my homies, if there's a girl involved, someone will simp, it's just a matter of time.

This happened to me once at a live session I had with my ex (let's go with Jane), girlfriend at the time of the session. The DM (DM) was her ex at the time, but they decided to remain friends and frequently played D&D together. Get ready for a long, but still pretty fun one if you click "see more". I joined in for a one-shot because my girlfriend was super into D&D and I just wanted to try and do more things she liked. I was even friends with the DMs little brother who was in a few of my high school classes. Slightly unrelated to D&D, but relevant to the story: I used to some LARP practice at DMs house once in a while, though it was mostly without role play and they just liked to whack each other with the foam swords and shoot a bow and arrow. I vaguely recall going up against the DM one of those times and it seemed like he had a lot of pent up rage towards me in particular, because one time he charged at me screaming with his duct tape covered sock sword and I had to stop him after the first swing I blocked and let him know that he was doing a little too much. A little more context for the rage this guy had: Jane is bi. DM had a girlfriend after Jane and DM were together and Jane told me a story about how she stole her away from him. There was another story she told me about how she would make things for him to sell at LARP functions and he kept an unfair share of profits. Unsure why they were still friends years later... Pre-session: I was new to D&D. I had no prior experience with the game and solely joined because Jane was into the game. She invited me over for a one-shot with some of her friends DM and Jane were co-running the game, which already was kind of weird. Anyways, Jane helped me with my character sheet for the game, I forgot the race I used, but I was a rogue and had some back story about breaking out of prison with a bedsheet and saving a village from a demon by making a pact. Session start: All the characters were introduced in a town and the goal of the one shot was to infiltrate a dwarven castle and escort some cargo out of it. We had some time to explore the village and I went to a shop looking for something interesting to try to steal. I rolled pretty low for perception and saw a rock in the corner of the room. I picked it up and again rolled low for stealth, so the clerk noticed me. He didn't say anything, because he didn't really care for the rock, so I just put it in my pocket. I proceeded to go over to the counter to sell the shop-keep the very same rock I had just picked up. He rolled low on perception like me and didn't find anything interesting about the rock, but I made up a story about it and told him it was a magical rock that could be smelted with a weapon to give it enchanted properties. I rolled a nat 20 and came out about 10 gold richer. Jane thought it was hilarious and we laughed about it. DMs reaction was played out in the rest of the campaign: As soon as I left the shop, I walked by an old lady selling apples on the street. As a fellow street rat, I felt obligated to help out a poor old lady, so I bought some apples from her and ate one. Well, apparently this was a poor plan of action because after eating the apple, I had to roll some kind of resistance check, I can't remember what it's called. But after failing the check, I was lead away from the rest of the group up to an entirely unrelated location with an incubus in some shack up in the mountains. The apple kept its hold on me the entire way and I was forced to first dance with the him and got all the way to being fully nude in a bedroom before the effects wore off and the rest of the party showed up to help. I managed to roll a really good stealth check to exit the room and keep my dignity without anyone noticing and even managed to taunt a few of the other players on the way out just for fun. After a brief break for snacks and pizza, we made it to the main part of the story: We all managed to make it into the castle, though, I narrowly avoided getting caught because the dwarves were unusually suspicious of me even though I had a good disguise and was somehow managing to pass every check DM threw at me... The group recognized that I was doing well and wanted me to scout the place for traps. While scouting, I forgot to do one perception check in a particularly open area with no guards, which I admit was kind of my fault because that would be a good spot for a trap to be. DM wasted no time and before I knew it I was some 10 feet in the air caught in a net and all sorts of alarms went off. The party ran right past me to a new area and I guess there were no traps besides the one I got caught in because they all made it to the final boss location which was a dragon while I was stuck repeatedly failing to cut the ropes that held me. Must have been some tough ropes too, because each roll attempt was naturally above a 10 and it was the 17 that got me out. I finally reconvened with the party to help slay the dragon and tried to sneak around back which would've ended up with me doing huge damage because dual daggers is SUPER nice with sneak attack in 5E. But my 15+(an estimated 7 because I don't remember all the numbers exactly) for stealth wasn't enough to sneak by in a dark part of the room while the dragon was already focused on other party members apparently wasn't enough, because I got spotted by the dragon and blasted into a pool of lava that nobody knew was even in the room until I got thrown into it. After losing almost all of my health due to failed attempts of climbing out of the lava pool and the rest of the party being preoccupied with, what was a suspiciously easy fight for them, I made it out of the lava pool. I tried again to sneak up on the dragon who you would think after 3 turns was DEFINITELY distracted by the other party members noticed me again after another high roll stealth check. Needless to say, the dragon seemed to only like breathing fire at me and I got knocked back into the lava pool. At that point, I gave up. I couldn't seem to do anything useful in the fight and so, just laid in the lava pool until the party killed the dragon without me and another party member helped me out with the probably around 3 health I had left. DM I guess wasn't done with me and decided to roll damage because "some lava is still on you", he said. Well.... That ended up killing my character. TLDR: Jane basically did nothing to help me as a co-runner of the game while DM made a fool out of my inexperience as a D&D player in front of people I had never met IN JANE'S OWN HOUSE for some ego boost that he desperately needed to impress the girl who dumped him: Jane. Who stole his girlfriend. Who I was also dating at the time. What a first session of D&D that was. Aftermath: A few years and I think 3 or 4 campaigns of D&D later, Jane, D&D and I broke up mainly because long distance just wasn't good for us. She was insecure as it was and I just couldn't always be there to give her the attention she needed. That and she accused me of cheating on her because I went to a Halloween party with some of my college friends. Unfortunate times, but you live and you learn. I went on to date a crazy and even older manager I had while working at a pool which ended in 2 flat tires because I dumped her... because she was NUTS. That, however, is a completely different and not D&D related story. I am now with someone who I am very happy to be with who's still a little crazy (what girl isn't a little crazy), but just the right amount. If you took the time to read all this, you're awesome! I hope your first session wasn't as terrible as mine, but if it was, or if it was worse, I'd love to hear about it.

@me28memyself

2 жыл бұрын

Man, I haven't played D&D in years. My friends and I do want to have a campaign though, but none of us knows how to DM and until writing this (possibly unnecessarily long) comment, I haven't felt like writing anything for a while. If you couldn't tell by my terrible grammar and run on sentences XD.

Did anyone else notice the he said Ragnar instead of Ranger in that one scene, I really hope that he watches one Piece dnd by rustage, I really hope I am not the only one who knows what that is.

I love the waves as a background scene it's very calming 😌

5:05 “Light horror” proceeds to put it in the glory cringe section

Honestly I have never been in a group with a creepy guys, plenty of creepy girls. Then again most of the people I played with the guys wouldn't have stood for a guy doing something like that and just pour them into the dirt... Which might have been why we got the creepy stalker girls. Huh, now it makes sense.

@DarkValorWolf

2 жыл бұрын

I'd consider you lucky, I've experienced a creepy player and dm and let me fell you does it suck, it's soooo awkward and disgusting

@owenslaughter9438

2 жыл бұрын

@@DarkValorWolf Again I have been at the table with creepy girls... really, really creepy overly sexual girls.... So I can imagine, but never experienced myself.

I am surprised that the DM in the second story was so honest with the roll lol

Crab stories to wake up in the morning! Makes me feel less crabby, but I love the vids

OMG THIS IS MY STORY !! yay Iv been waiting for mine to be read xxx

first time being on time for a video, feels good man

So we can at least say Jelly stayed true to one D&D rule: Don't fudge rolls.

@skycastrum5803

2 жыл бұрын

It really puts a damper on the “evil DM” thing. All these stories kill their purpose because they need to make the good guys look victorious. Real horror stories involving DMs don’t end well in game. Unless you enjoy acts of defiance like offing your character (even though the DM is going to retcon it).

@DeltaSpider_

2 жыл бұрын

The only fudging I ever do as a DM is to reduce damage taken by the PCs when I have underestimated how powerful their opponents are.

Love your vids man!

@CritCrab

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks!

CritCrab said Ragnar instead of ranger, and I immediately started singing the Ragnar the Red song. That's gonna be in my head all week lol

For the first story, I'm not entirely convinced it was a kink thing tbh. I actually like his backstory and hear me out because I feel like it's his delivery of said backstory. It seemed similar to how Lions work in their pride but instead of prides, it is in the form of tribes. So the Warlock is like the male lion that lost to another male lion and got kicked out of the pride (in this case, the tribe). After being banished from his homeplace essentially, he turns to an evil deity that manipulates him, so while his character is thinking he's becoming an Alpha Male, he is actually becoming the opposite. I can get it if she said she wasn't going to roleplay it because I wouldn't UNLESS he dropped the seductive part, and when he said "my gf would say I'm a dominant", it sounds like he was saying why it wasn't his kink instead of just saying "It's not a kink thing." I would've said "It's not a kink thing, but if it bothers you, I can just do another character." Might get some hate for this, but I think there was some jumping to conclusions going on here. He wasn't right in how he handled it, and she did well, but I would've at least hear him out, but that's just me.

@pambronson4467

2 жыл бұрын

There is a goddess of pain in Forgotten Realms named Loviatar. She would have been perfect.

I am completely lost on the first one. I think it all went over my head.

Our King had blessed us with a video this day!! *Commences in mass chittering*

2:44 - I almost choked on my evening meal at that and my eyes rolled so far back I nearly did a backflip.

Ah, yet another brilliant video. All hail the king of crabs! 👑 🦀

Ah, the hat trick/turkey(hockey and bowling) is complete! Den of the Drake, critical cunic and now crit crab! Awesome week!

5:48 Instantly sold on the analogy. Props to the writer.

I think jelly has just created a new category of DM, the “never DM”!

Thanks for the video.

"His mating tactics are so advanced that they are not yet comprehensible to our small brains" killed me xD

I also once accidentally killed one of my players, on the second session of my first campaign at that! My best friend charged his squishy bard into a witch's giant swarm of crows while also forgetting that he had healing magic. After a few rounds of mauling I knock him down with a natural 20 and he failed all of his death saves starting with a nat 1.

im surprised a DM could fail to kill their players, i fail alot to NOT kill my players when im dming

Need more crit crab content

finally my critcrab fix. ive been waiting

Payne family + Glados 😆 amazing description

Two years later i recognize the story with the necromancers as Gisa and Geralf from MtG.

that "two necromancers fighting" setting is straight-up lifted from MTG's Innistrad block; Stitcher Geraph and his sister what's-her-face. dude's not only a killer DM, he's not even a creative one

Gonna be honest, a war between necromancers sounds like an awesome setting.

With the first one, don't ever threaten the dm with leaving cause chances are they'll hit u with.....no one's stopping u

7:40 This is why whenever I write a Homebrew Spellsheet, I ALWAYS add Counterspell and a Homebrew attack called "counterattack." Counterattack does exactly what you think it does, it reflects physical damage, but you have to roll 15 or higher to do so. If you successfully do it 5 times in a row, your enemy immediately dies. It's unbalanced, but it's for situations Like these.

The DMG literally has a section dedicated to homebrew. The Tarrasque's Reflective Carapace now reflects all spells onto the caster. The Nightwalker can teleport, or its Annihilating Aura now has a Save Throw DC of 20, and good aligned creatures have disadvantage on that save. People who minmax or metagame their DM into the ground are eay to deal with, even if you go according to the books. Oh, or Will-o-Wisps explode in a cast version Fireball when killed. Or even better, when a Will-o-Wisp is hit, it begins a timer for Delayed Blast Fireball, releasing upon death. That said, only do this if it's necessary for the campaign.

I’m incredibly impressed by DMs like this, who can go through the difficult process of spamming overpowered enemies in the beginning of a campaign to get a quick TPK instead of trying to flesh out a good story. It’s gotta take a lot of admirable skill to pull off.

Crit Crab, I love that you had such hope that the “warlock bitch” wasn’t gonna be creepy. Very well done

I've spoken about a problem player in the past, but let me tell you about the time he tried to dm. His premise was interesting. A tale about time traveling and consequences if you went to the past and screwed something up in the future. Sounded great. First session were on an airship headed for the capital of the continent were on. Of course there's a takeover by low level enemies. The problem was that he threw enough of them to tpk the party if we weren't careful. I'm talking like 90 enemies across 3 battles. With a whole lot of luck, my monk survived as did the other 2 players. Oh yeah, we only had 3 players. An important thing to mention is that we were playing pathfinder. In pathfinder, there are challenge rating rules and how to award extra experience based on overall difficulty of the combat. If I remember, we should've been around level 6 immediately after that session. Overall I don't care about the levels. I just thought it was worth mentioning to better describe how difficult it was. That was the first time I ever had to seriously consider my options each round longer than a minute and when I realized I don't like that kind of pressure. I should mention we were all level 1.

World Anvil is a great sponsor for this channel. It's a seriously awesome tool

I call shenanigans on the 2nd story. Even the dumbest DM would drop rocks.

Congratulations, you found Albert the Crab Time will now collapse.

The second one is definitely inspired my innistrad from mtg. There are two necromancers that argue about whether quantity or quality is more important when it comes to zombies. One literally makes undead horrors similar to super Frankenstein

A fusion of the payne family and GLADoS xD... Absolutely made my day

Once accidently killed the party rogue via froghemoth. It had swallowed most of the party, with the scouting rogue getting munched first. Acid damage ended up digesting her, and the worst part is that she was a SINGLE point of damage away from cutting it open from the inside and freeing everyone. No fudged rolls or anything. Thankfully she did get better (i.e., resurrected)

You have a great voice. Love your videos😊

@CritCrab

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!! 🦀🦀🦀

I'm glad my only bad experience was DM slightly railroading and not giving us much combat or magical items.

"Lowing roll" Yes!! I'm not the only one who flubbs words!! Yay!!!

i'm changing my sms tone to crablord's "he's doing it again, damn it" 💀💀💀