Hi you all! What did you find helpful about this talk? I'd love to hear.

@ShaqleeToine10.02

Жыл бұрын

from about 2 years ago i began to realise that i have been brought up in a Narcissistic family system, and yes i see how i have allowed myself to be infantilized, and I have been trying to assert myself, however its caused more friction and because i am angry sometimes me asserting myself comes out in ANGER especially with regards to the Narcissistic dad, i am 43 want to go back to studying clinical psychology but the doubts that i have are so deep mainly because i blame myself for letting this happen to me..

@EmbraceTheStruggle24

Жыл бұрын

To stand up for yourself.

@STMARTIN009

Жыл бұрын

Stand up for yourself and if possible give em the middle finger. I always say people need to be like domestic cats. When you yell at a domestic cat the cat does not care. Sometimes if it is in a mood it will scratch you for no reason. Be the Cat!

@GothicAnnamal

8 ай бұрын

I've found this really helpful and validating-thank you! I wish I could show this video to a number of people I've encountered in my life.

@exponent2316

7 ай бұрын

@juliakristinamah I cannot thank you enough for making this video. I've been processing my trauma for years now, everyday trying to search for the needle in a haystack. Trying to figure out what is happening in my life. What is keeping me stuck. I already knew that I struggled with being infantilized in my entire life but after learning in more depth about what it looks like and how it has affected me personally I see everything with so much more clarity and this video has really helped vocalize what I've been going through for my entire life but could never put into the right words to convey. I finally feel like I know what I have to do now that I've truly identified the problem and my inner feelings. I feel like I can take my life back now and overcome this endless battle that I've been fighting against for my entire life.

What I hate is when people act like you can just leave the family, move out, move in to your own place, and live your own life in happiness and serenity...like it's just that easy when one has narcissistic parents that are hellbent on infantilizing their children and legit believe there's NOTHING wrong with it!

@jungili3071

6 ай бұрын

Everytime I wanted to drink alcohol my older couson just takes it away and says I'm not allowed to (I'm of legal age)

@FuttiesRTG-oe3pr

2 ай бұрын

@@jungili3071 yeah honestly I love my mom but I'm not sure how its ok

@seedsoftruth2915

Ай бұрын

​@@jungili3071wow..... that is really controlling ...invasive... rude. They must fill they have the justification to treat you that way, is it their house, or do they pay any of your Bill's? Most the time having your own financial situation under control and you have your own way to pay for yourself... that gives you a lot more power over yourself ❤

Telling you off in front of people ,telling you how to speak,telling you how to feel

My mother did this to such a degree that I don’t think I will ever feel like an adult. She was also verbally abusive and narcissistic. The undermining, gaslighting, massive and constant guilt trips is all I got from my mother. I still get super intimidated by people my age and any slight trigger of infantilization makes me feel like shrinking or fighting. I’m almost 40. It doesn’t help that I look much younger than I am. Plenty of people don’t seem to realize that I’m an educated adult. It’s like imposter syndrome X1000.

@itsLoomi_

6 ай бұрын

This is me too! Now I am dealing with the consequences in work, life and relationships… all while feeling like an imposter. I’ve been working on myself and my self confidence but it feels like I am taking more steps back than forward to try to untangle the trauma and work through it in a healthy way.

@HeartFeltGesture

5 ай бұрын

I have had the same experience, my narc "mother" was doing this even far into adulthood, that is until I educated myself on familial narcissism. I even wonder if the infantilization affected my body's growth, because I also look much younger than I am.

@Ari.Luna.

4 ай бұрын

Yes I feel the same although I’m much younger… I feel like like a kid I always have no say in anything and get meation as “the kids” when my mom speaks of me then when I confront her of the issue she completely goes on a spiral on how she does everything for me and how I can’t be happy after everything she does then she’ll go and take me out to eat to guilt trip me! like it’s frustrating that she doesn’t see me as a seventeen year old but she sees my fourteen and sixteen year old cousins as a full grown adult… I’ll be eighteen in three months yet I have to sleep at eight with my younger siblings I can’t have my very own device (all I do is watch KZread on my school iPad… im writing this at this very moment ) and even if I bring up wanting a relationship all hell will break loose and she’ll exclude me from the family like eating dinner after everyone and completely being isolated in my room making it seem like wanting a relationship is evil and i just feel completely UGH I just hope this doesn’t effect me later on because right now it’s affected my social life and mental health all I want is to be able to have a little bit of freedom.

@truenorth3077

4 ай бұрын

I am 53, and my mom still treats me like I am 13. It used to really bring me down, but the last few times, my mom has behaved this way, I stood my ground and set boundaries.

@HeartFeltGesture

4 ай бұрын

@@truenorth3077 Give her the shock of her life and be the man that you are. The abuse is insidious and takes a huge toll on self-worth and self-esteem. Channel your anger into standing up to this life-long bully called our "mother", but only in title.

I have seen people who infantilize their partners but parentify their grown children.

@Mushroom321-

Жыл бұрын

Yes, AWFUL !!😮 😬

@brianhopson2072

3 ай бұрын

I'm in this relationship.

My family did this to me for decades. Separate from these people.

Someone who treats you like a child hurts your self esteem. My ex mother in law treated me like a child and belittled me. My husband was on her side. That hurt me really bad

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

I can imagine how hurtful that must have been. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

@lesliengo8347

Жыл бұрын

I hope you are in a better situation where you can make your own decisions free of belittlement

@papierflieger9110

Жыл бұрын

Your own husband?! That hurts to read. He shouldn’t do that. Sending love from Germany🙏❤️

@Computercrisis

Жыл бұрын

I hope you resolved that issue with him or left his ass. Life is too short to waste your time with these people

@erikalarsson

7 ай бұрын

Yes its hurts ❤i know .hug

But when it reoccurs a lot you begin doubting yourself. You wonder if they're treating you like that because you are indeed acting like a child and deserve such treatment naturally. A real blow to the esteem.

@Andwhataboutithuh

10 ай бұрын

This is where I’m at. I’m confused but I’m not…. I know they’re toying with my emotions but I’m feeling stuck

@DaughterofZyion

10 ай бұрын

They're insecure and defecting

@daphneduryea9136

10 ай бұрын

@@Andwhataboutithuh Leave now. It will never change. I've wasted my entire adult life to this type of person, in my case my fil. My husband committed suicide because of him. And now, at 62, I mourn the fact that I didn't nip it in the bud. Cut the cord & move on so you don't waste your life like I did.

@YouthWillRise

9 ай бұрын

@@daphneduryea9136 YUP what this person said ☝🏼

@OneDayFromNJ

3 күн бұрын

​@@daphneduryea9136 thank you for the comment.

People that belittle are jealous.

@Tamara-ju3lh

Жыл бұрын

Yep. I had an older coworker like this and she was super jealous of anyone that had a degree. It helped me ignore her cutting words.

@STMARTIN009

Жыл бұрын

@@Tamara-ju3lh unfortunately most coworkers suck.

@akshayaarun3725

Жыл бұрын

100% agree with this. I had a roommate put me down only for her to admit that she is insecure. This is why for the most part block out the noise.

If your friends are belittling you, then they are NOT your friends.

genuinely struggling with my mental health to the point where i am depressed because people just refuse to treat me like im human. im not a baby, im not a dog, im not a child. im just tired of fighting to be seen as a person.

My narcissistic mother constantly tries to infantilize and control me to the point where she will literally try to tell me how to stand, how to breath, how to walk, etc and if I ignore her she throws a tantrum and calls ME immature which is laughable. She uses the "But I am your mother" excuse as if that means she is allowed to have complete control over another adult. She gets threatened and jealous whenever she sees me being independent and separate from her. That's when she will start criticizing me to control me. I am ready to go no contact with her. I am grateful I was always rebellious and I never listened to her even as a child. I sure as hell am not going to start now as an adult 😂

I've never been infantilized, but I saw an episode of "Three's Company" in which Jack Tripper befriended an old lady that became his new neighbor. She started treating him like he was her own son, giving him cookies and milk, and she even selfishly ruined his date with another girl just to spend time with him. Jack confronted her about it, but turned out she was just lonely and missing her son. I understand some parents love their children, but if you want to earn your children's love, infantilizing them is definitely NOT the way to do it

Thank you for this content. My mother has been infantalizing me for ages. I recently realized that she's a covert narcissist and has been sbotaging my succes, independence and my sence of self. I really need to develop self-trust and get in control of things in my life. Thank you once again!

Surprised when you accomplished something. That’s a huge sign!

I’m a type 1 diabetic and my mother was always upset with me every time I announced I was pregnant. She would either be passive aggressive in her comments or give me the silent treatment for awhile. When confronted, her excuse was “I’m just worried about you”, which is fine to say but there are positive and negative ways to show concern for someone. After I entered adulthood, she was never involved in my medical care, but still seemed to think she knew what was best for me. It didn’t matter to her that I under the care of a healthcare team or that I took a very active role in my own health and too good care of myself.

You are teaching us things we never knew! This really resonates with my parents and that explains how my parents acted surprised about my accomplishments, even small ones. I have more clarity now and I am proudly working on building self trust.

Julia some problems in families can't be repaired. Even with your kind words.

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

it is true. Sometimes we need to move to a place of acceptance of what is, and focus on our own healing process.

@stevecatanio8532

Жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah I love you Julia.

@rl453

6 ай бұрын

Some roles are chosen for us before we are even born. I am a senior citizen now. When my husband became sick, then died I was shocked at how many of my extended family immediately began behaving like this towards me (again!). While my oldest sibling was parentified. Poor guy was the golden child and his life is a mess. I wish things were different but it’s painfully obvious no one sees any problem with this behavior & is unwilling to change. It’s best for everyone that I stepped entirely out.

My sister is four years older than me as well. She has always treated me like a child and we are now in our 70's! I have tried to talk to her about my feelings and she tells me I am playing a 'victim". I told her she was blaming the victim. Anyway it's very annoying and I don't think she has the right to continue to treat me that way. Your talk has helped and I want to thank-you for talking about this subject.

@EriPages

Ай бұрын

Share this video with her.

THIS! This is what my parents have always done with me. Ive always wondered why I feel younger than I am and lack confidence in doing things. This is why I'm full of self doubt! Epiphany! Omg 😳 I already knew my parents are controlling and judgemental, narcissistic Even... But yeah, they infantilizationize me all the time dude 😢 yuck 🤢

Just to say this sounds exactly like my experiences in life. Understanding what happened is healing and I’m at a much better place now in life in general.

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

Douglas - I am so so happy to hear that. And good for you for taking your wellbeing seriously and doing the work.

@YouthWillRise

9 ай бұрын

Good on ya mate 👍🏼 Yeah understanding is the key to recovery. I’m 48 & finally realizing I was never “broken”, I was just surrounded by people who wanted me to be a particular way for them (which I was never comfortable with)

I just noticed I'm very prompt to watch one of your videos cause you always seem to smile while you're speaking and this sparks some kind of joy.

" liked " THIS IS A GREAT TOpiC THAT ISN'T talked about enough !!, From therapists. 👏👏🤔 THANK YOU !! 🎉🎉🎉😮😮

My mother would always pour cold water over anything that I planned to do that was even slightly risky, and one Christmas at a family get together when I was 25, she actually told me off for eating too much chocolate, saying that I'd make myself sick. WTF! As if at the age of 25 I wasn't able to decide when I'd had enough to eat. She really got on my nerves with her over protective attitude.

My narcissistic family doesn’t like my autonomy, financial independence, and strong will. My siblings are jealous of my sense of Self and accomplishments. My narcissistic mother too. The entire family tried to bring me down as I matured and became financially independent. Their insecurity is what keeps them stuck to each other. My brother born 2nd to last is 50 but finds himself back at the family home in the basement after losing the home my mother bought him. He’s an alcoholic, never graduated from college, and my sick family enables his alcoholism and weak mindedness. He was one of my abusers. He berated me when I was a child. He is 7 yrs older. Imagine an unhinged and taller 16 yr old spewing verbal abuse on a 9 yr old because I was getting good grades or because I was happy. The family did this to him and he did the same to me. I have been in no contact with him for many years and blames me for his situation instead of owning up to his own bs. He is the most infantilized person in our family. They tried it on me but it always failed because I have a strong mind of my own, which they hate.

@atom8o

8 ай бұрын

GOOD JOB DUDE LEGITIMATELY YOU DESERVE A STANDING OVATION🗣️🗣️👏👏👏👏👏

@sirrantsalott

8 ай бұрын

@@atom8o Thank you. Your encouraging words mean a lot to me. Peace and blessing to you!

This video is very helpful Julia! All this little things, its true, I agree with you when you say why we infantize ourselves, because thats what parents were doing all along, -it just robs us of our confidence and sense of strenght, belief in ourselves and self trust. Thank you!

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

absolutely Marek. The process of self-differentiation can be a difficult one, but it is absolutely worth it.

@Marekcatholic

Жыл бұрын

@@juliakristinamah Thank you!

Thank you so much Julia for this video! Hit all the nails on the head! Really hit home! ❤🙏 I related to everything you talked about from A-Z

I am pushing 50 and my mom still baby talks me. I tried to talk to her like an adult about her leaving when I was four years old, and she giggled and said "Aw! You've always been so sensitive. 🤗" and then changed the subject to benign stuff about her day. I stopped responding to her calls and texts for several years now, and this past mother's day I blocked her number because I'm tired of feeling led on as if one day I will have a mother that can see me like a real person. I also have an OCPD/narcissist manager who treats us like high school kids even though we have as much experience as he does, and honestly we do faster, higher quality work than he does, but he is obsessive about putting himself above us. He has even said "Beginner's Luck" when I solved a problem he was incapable of solving after repeated attempts of trying the same wrong process every time. It's like he keeps us down so we don't demonstrate through our skills that he is not superior. I try not to be mad, but I also try to keep my distance and do exactly what I want for the goals of my own career path. If he gets upset I just let him get upset without reacting. He sucks butt and can't change. Retire already old dog. ANOTHER one is that I recently dated a woman who developed this pattern of increasing criticism of various people in my life, and after the third time I told her it hurt, she told me I will learn in therapy not to take it personally. It was like she liked the attention, but also didn't see me as a person. I've had to really learn to walk away from these people, as well as speak up directly without any emotion and tell them "I would prefer to do this myself. If I need help I will ask for it. Thanks for the offer, though." I'm in EMDR now to let go of all the trauma that seems to attract this type of treatment. I'm awesome and smart and don't need external validation to live my life.

Currently going through this situation with my Boss. Definitely taking a confidence hit at the moment, feels really bad.... Thanks for this great advice. At a minimum, at least I have a better understanding of the situation. To this point, I wasn't sure exactly what was taking place.

GREAT EXAMPLE!!, REGARDING when we change our mind regarding a drink at a coffee ☕ place !! 😮😮 THANK YOU !! 🎉🎉

I've been struggling with this for a while, but didn't know what to do about it. Thank you so much for this video and the resource, I think it will help me to stop depending on people in unhealthy ways.

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

Really glad to hear that you found it helpful.

Great video. You explained it so well. Thank you.

Hi Julia! Senior Shift Chris here. This was a deep one. This one really hits home. I really have to unpack and process this information. I would say my family, especially my mom can sometimes treat me like a child at times, and I know that, and this is where the truth really hurts (working on not feeling ashamed by this) where I, myself, know that I am not taking full responsibility for myself in some of my own behaviors, especially staying in that comfort zone too, and knowing I will have to step up a notch and work harder on becoming more self-differentiated and independent. Even though, I have been working on myself for several years now, I know there is much more that I need working on, I accept that. I will offer myself compassion and understanding that I know I struggle with my own behaviors and self-esteem/confidence, I can look and see what little shifts I have made in this but know I have still much more to go. Here are my notes: Infantilization: it is when an adult is being treated like a child even though nothing in their mental, physical, social or intellectual abilities or well-being requires such treatment. 1. Questioning your decisions: ("Are you sure?" "You shouldn't do that." "That doesn't make any sense." "You should do this instead.") not to confuse with people offering suggestions or feedback but in a belittling way (looking down on you). 2. If someone is undermining your accomplishments: If you had done something and someone down plays it ("Oh, you just got lucky." or "Oh, that's not a big deal." "You should have done that a long time ago…") 3. When someone acts really surprise when you do accomplish something and you are successful: They make comments like, "Oh I am surprised that you can do that." or " Wow. I really didn’t' think you could." 4. If someone is criticizing or putting down the things that are important to you: That could be maybe your personal preferences or things that you believe in or are involved in…etc… 5. If you are in the middle of something like a task and someone thinks you are not doing it right and takes over that task: That personal may have a general sense that they think they are better and push you aside. 6. Someone dismisses your feelings when you are expressing them in a clear and respectful way: ("You're too sensitive." or "You take everything so personally." or "You just need to get over it") 7. If you have been infantize, there is some responsibility on you, because if you have, you can be engaging in behaviors that keep that going, you can be infantizing yourself. If you had very controlling parents, you were probably not allowed to make your own decisions as a child, you were probably criticized your put down for the things that were important to you…etc.. You may have carried that on into as an adult because you never really developed own self sense of efficacy. (Belief in yourself that you can accomplish things, to do things, to recover from failure, to make your own decisions. You might had very controlling parents and continued that onto adulthood.) Or you default to always needing others to help and fix things for you because you don't trust yourself. *It can be a sense of comfort that comes from having someone else take care of everything for you (Pay your bills, make your decisions, make things happen, take over and take everything on…etc.…(Might feel easier and more comfortable in the short term, in the big picture, it is very disempowering…keeps you in a cycle of self-doubt, keeps you from growing, developing into a self-differentiated, confident adult. What do we do about this? Work on trusting yourself. Take on more responsibility for yourself, trying things, letting yourself fail, let yourself make decisions even if it is the "wrong" decision. Work on your resilience, getting back up when you fall down, allow yourself to like things that other people don't. Clearly state that, "I understand if you don't like this, I do. This is what I like and that is what you like and they are different. Let's leave it at that." Working on clear communication Working on who you are even if someone thinks something different. Setting clear and healthy boundaries

Thank you for the video Julia. I love your videos. Your videos help me to love myself and do better every day.

These are soooooo interesting‼️

Just discovered your channel and video. Thank you so much! ❤ I can't afford therapy at the moment so videos like this with practical tips are a lifesaver

Brilliant, this helped me so much. I was able to identify a lot from this. Which has allowed me to put my better boundaries in now.

I love your videos. Thanks for sharing. Greetings from Guatemala. 🇬🇹 🇬🇹 🇬🇹

this is really helpful. and i always love searching for videos like these because i was triggered by someone and i walk away from these videos with a greater understanding of myself. i certainly can see how i have done this at times and maybe still do but i feel i have an awareness now and will be mindful going forward. funny how that works out sometimes 😊

Fear of failure. Yes Miss Julia. And my dominant Little Sister. I Love her dearly!

I really identify with this. I've always been fairly 'shy' and sensitive, and I feel that a lot of people (outside my family and close circle of friends) perceive me as 'immature' and 'incapable'. I have OCD, general/social anxiety, and a depressive condition, and I suspect that I may also have autism and/or ADHD. Furthermore, I frequently suffer from fatigue, but it's hard to establish whether this is ME or symptomatic of the aforementioned conditions. It’s possible that these factors make me appear 'ditsy' or even 'slightly slow' to my peers-even though I have a BA and Master's in literature and Post Graduate Diploma in Education and Training. I spent three years teaching English on a part time basis at a F.E. college, but I felt that I was almost discouraged from showing initiative or sharing my resources; yet, when I worked with an advanced practitioner who teaches education, she praised my resources and identified strengths in my teaching. My line manager verbally acknowledged this feedback, but I still felt/feel that other English teachers were more valued and trusted regarding both subject knowledge and approaches to teaching. This includes/included colleagues who had previously specialised in other subject areas and 'fell into' teaching English. When similar things have happened to me in the past-both in other jobs and situations-I've thought that I was perhaps being 'paranoid' and/or 'oversensitive', or else that I was being treated as incompetent because this was true. I still sometimes feel this way, but others have confirmed that I was being undermined and treated unfairly. Unfortunately, having low confidence and struggling to hide it only further undermines your credibility with a lot of people, so it becomes a 'vicious cycle' that's difficult to break.

@billcipher3946

8 ай бұрын

I know exactly how you feel, i have autism and adhd so yeah my family & friends and the workplace treat me like a child. And feel like I’m incompetent of what i try to do. It really brings me down mentally and emotionally, and feeling overwhelmed of myself and my environment.

My father DOES this to me completely. I remember at 27-years old he made me go to bed and would not allow me to go out. Smdh 🤦🏿‍♀️

Thank you !! For bringing this important topic to light for me and many other's. You are speaking directly to my soul with such a power message and helping me better understand why i feel like i do ... 🎉😊 ❤

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

I am really grateful you found this one helpful. Thanks for being here.

It’s so hard if someone has ADHD / executive functioning issues or poor mental health you can fall into these horrible parent/child dynamics with an adult. It’s a challenge between helping or harming someone.

My parents treat me like a child and don't even hide it, although I'm more than 30 years old. And it seems that I can do nothing about it 😔

@Magpieme98

Жыл бұрын

I feel this! You may not be able to change their by behaviour, but you can control how you react to them. Speaking from experience. ♥️

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

@@Magpieme98 yes to this!

I always treat people like adults, even if they act like teenagers. This actually weeds out the leeches too. "I never have money and need yours." - then make a budget, you're an adult. "But you're my only friend so I need you to text me every day." - then go make more friends, you're an adult.

@atom8o

8 ай бұрын

i have GOT to do that, thank you

@Alanjelvis

4 ай бұрын

All adults should be treated like adults. Never mind what their problems. Why? Because everyone should be treated the same.

@earlaweese

3 ай бұрын

*That doesn't even sound adolescent. I've never heard a single person say anything like that in childhood or adulthood. You're exaggerating. Stop exaggerating - you're an adult.*

@earlaweese

3 ай бұрын

*Stop comparing human beings to blood-sucking animals and go read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights - you're an adult.*

@BollywoodTherapy

24 күн бұрын

Wow I like this so much. Thank you!

I’m 52 years old and my mother has done this to me all my life. I realise that I’m not going to change her, but I can control how I react to her. I just agree to disagree. I listen to her input and just let her know that I prefer something else. She also does it to my children by being shocked at their abilities and accomplishments. I think she behaves this way because she led a very sheltered life was a child. She’s always been dismissive of my opinions and argues when I don’t agree with her. She simply cannot understand that I think differently to her. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Over the years I’ve learned to deal with it and I just have confidence in my decisions and abilities. Thanks for a great video! 🌺

@theariesnme

Жыл бұрын

Oh Mary, I feel like I wrote what you said. I am 53 (no kids) and my mother still treats me like a child. Ex..my mother likes to rearrange her furniture (which is a trait I inherited and actually love to do in my house because it gives a new scenery)but when she visits me, she is always changing my furniture even when I asked her not to. I had surgery and she came to help me. When I got out of the hospital and came home my whole living room was changed around😮. We get into a power struggle and she always says "because I'm your mother" as the reason . I know shes not going to change (shes 80) and I try to agree to disagree but it triggers me so. I'm learning to stand firm but it is very difficult.

Thank you for sharing this. After 9 years of not seeing my estranged daughter who was raised by her extremely narsistic father, to whom I was married to for 11 years and was abused by him too, my daughter had already begun learning about narcissism, and, I have only just begun learning about it… could never put a name to it but now I’m discovering so much and feeling armed and have begun therapy. My daughter says she still feels like she’s 15 years old, and still dresses the same, same hairstyle, never had a boyfriend and still lives with him. She has zero self esteem. She’s 24 years old now. She wants to move out but her father is now pulling the guilt, shame, victim cards with her to keep her with him for supply and be his personal punching bag and therapist. I don’t know how to help her. I’m in Vancouver, bc and she’s in Florida, going to university, studying something she hates and is difficult to “make her dad proud.” As empathy are an extension of the narcissist, she’s studying to work with NASA. She’s always wanted to run a dog kennel but feels that she doesn’t have what it takes, and the years of study she’s done would just have been wasted, and I imagine she feels her dad would shame her for quitting and downgrading her dreams and goals. So extremely sad. She just inherited something, not sure what, from her wealthy aunt who was not married and has no children. I really hope she has the strength to not let her dad manipulate her into giving whatever that is to him. My therapist is going to see if she can find a therapist for her in Florida.

Very powerful message. I'm grateful for videos like these. I am glad to see how effective the advice from so many great psychologists, like Julia, can be. Love to hear humans respecting humans. Respect to you. Thank you.

Just the video I needed, started therapy and was feeling confused about how to step out of my childlike roll with my parents and sisters, 28 and don't feel like an adult, scared of taking back control and living a life I want.

@beccaroshi2112

2 ай бұрын

As a fellow 28 year old in a similar situation, we'll heal from this for sure💪

my mother, she is evil by doing this, I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. I am smart, and she intentionally act dumb around me to influence me, because I know she knows I am an empath.

Hello there! I've never said this ever on this internet but this woman is...absolutely... I want to hug her for as long as possible...:) :(

Thank you! :)

We ought be have those sort of classes at school, when I was growing up!

Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hello lady. Something about you that i immediately liked. New sub here. My mom definitely did this to me and still does. She started it and i carried it on when it benefitted me. Im struggling now more than ever. My mom is now 93 and just recently started having confusion otherwise healthy her entire life. Now she thinks all five of her kids are or should be at home with her again. Its a trip id rather not take. Lol i cant tell you how many times she told me im too sensitive. Now im kinda indifferent to her and she does seem mad because i dont even go see her. Im kinda hurt and lost and feeling like a bad child. I honestly wish id wised up a long time ago.

Excellent!

I wasn't sure how to address this problem head on. So, an hour ago, I typed a long message, stating everything I wanted to say face to face. She hasn't replied. I sure hope that continues. No room for idiots in my life.

@antonboludo8886

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely!

This is exactly how sisters and brothers are treating me. I need someome to talk to, who will actually listen and understand how i feel

@Alanjelvis

3 ай бұрын

Ok. The reason why all adults should be treated like adults is because everyone should be treated the same!!!

Thank you

Sad , the condenscending phrases some can say " Surprise of your progress & undermine your descision.. 😬 Not GOOD !!

Parents who infantilize their own children make them feel they are weak, irresponsible, and selfish. I often have this issue with my parents because I am autistic and they are very paranoid, enmeshing narcissists. Whenever I announce that I want to do something, they constantly criticize my choices. After I do something that requires notice, they only give me advice. Whenever I make a big purchase, they jump to conclusions that I am financially irresponsible. They also seem to dismiss feelings whenever I get upset, and sometimes even swear at me. This video really helped understand the signs. Due to inflation, I have to deal with this for longer.

My mothers sister is younger than my mother buy 9 years, but she always treat my mom like child and which made my mom had a really low self esteem, she also started treating me like a child and it’s making me so frustrated especially that I have OCD, it triggers my OCD so bad

my parents do that without realizing, I told them multiple times but they don't listen, my self esteem is under the rug, I just want to find a job and go live alone but I have too much fear of the world I guess 😔

I’m closer to 40 than not and my aunt still seems to think it’s appropriate to tell me I can only spend X amount of time at my friend’s houses. And has absolutely gotten mad after my spending a night at a distant friend’s house when I hadn’t gone over to see them in over 2 months - I’d only gone to work and come home in that timespan. She said I was *neglecting* her!

The whole time I couldn't help but think of my father and one of my uncles. One always complained about my hair and demanded that i got it cut and the other had a nickname i didn't like. "My boy." He actually thought i liked being called that even though i kept telling him i didn't.

Anyone ever get the voice? Like they talk to you differently then they talked to your peers? . . . or is it just me

@nicolegray3933

Ай бұрын

Talked "at" is how it felt

My little sister who’s younger than me for 15 years treats me like a child. And I hate it she keeps telling me that I’m a negative person who loves to make it all about her

Julia, just found your channel. These videos are great stuff! Thank you so much.

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

you are so welcome - really glad you're here

There was an example ,last week, I supposed to go to Margate Soul Festival, but the weather forecast said that it was raining the whole day. The evening before, My mum rung me up & said, Is that wise to go to the Kent coast?. Me & My mate Andrew went to Margate Soul Festival, the weather was unkind then, & we got saturated. Do you think that my mum was under cutting my decision, & treated me like a kid?. It's difficult to tell the difference. What do you think? Please give me your opinions! From Julie

I have Spina Bifida and have dealt with infantilization my entire life and still do from MOST people family, friends, even strangers. It’s infuriating

If you lived somewhere in the East, some people would say "You are a saint, Julia Kristina!" Thank you for all that you are doing to teach others to have a better life.

Please give me some advice if you have time to read! ..... I am about to turn 20 this Saturday and my parents still do this. I cannot afford to move out. I'm stuck. I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't have my phone that i bought with my own money because "i acted like a kid so i get kid consequences." I tried to explain that I am not a kid therefore they need to respect that. I don't know how to do certain things that adults my age know how to do because they MAKE me depend on them. I cannot spend my own money without them gaslighting me. Since i don't have a phone guess who gets my E-statements? my parents. I cannot spend my own money that I earned because of them. I missed out a lot my senior year because I didn't have a phone. I tried to comprise with them saying I'll pay for my phone bill so they can't hold me using their Wi-Fi/plan over my head. They told me sure but I'd have to pay for electricity because there was no way in hell I'd charge my phone for free at their house. I don't know what to do anymore and my depression has gotten worse. I cannot fight them on this anymore I don't have the energy. When I do figure out how to do things myself they tell me I'm mentally delayed because it took me so long to figure it out and that I should just depend on them. If ask them for space they give it to me by giving me the silent treatment and making me fend for myself and since they control everything in my life I get lost and confused giving them the push they need to believe I do need them when i just need time to figure it out. I don't know what else to do so please comment with advice.

When I worked, I had co-workers ask me who drives me to work, am I allowed to manage my own money, did I go to a special school, etc. Maybe because I was shy and didn't often make eye contact

I am 45 and my mother has managed to get complete controll over my life. I've not been able to drive or go anywhere by myself for the last 10 years. Nobody takes me seriously because of my age but I need help.

I haven't listened to one of your videos in a long long long time! I get your emails I think. I'll hire you one day when I'm working with a joy purpose job.

Many people specially my parents

I'm in a community, that as a whole, is doing this to me. They have split me. Telling me I'm old and treading me like I'm older then my parents and then treating me like a child. This has been going on for 12 years now. I didn't know what was happening, but this community is stealing my health, mental health, financial welbeing, my character, and my assets. I'm trying to get away and am isolated most of the time. I have physical limitations and since the community wants me to fail, I'm sabotaged in my efforts to get out and healthy. Are there groups out there I can get help from as any group I contact here is connected to this cult like community. Tyia

@123March22

3 ай бұрын

Hopefully 🎉things are becoming better. And make you each day stronger and commit to your new decisions

Im not an adult but im 16 turning 17 in 2 months people keep treating me like im 11 or 10 years old im starting to feel like its cause of my height

each sentence reminded me so many moments and I found out how I feel really bad about it I just turned 24 and my family members treat so bad with me my sisters always are arguing with me about my decisions my parents treat me like I am 5 y/o even I have two years left to be a medical doctor! I hope you talk more about it It’s really bothering me it stopped me from who I wanna be💔

@melmckenna4599

Жыл бұрын

I completely understand what you are experiencing. The way I've learnt to cope with this, is not to tell people my plans etc. Say thank you for your opinion, I appreciate your concern. Full stop.... No discussion

@melmckenna4599

Жыл бұрын

Also, if I was your parent, I would be extremely proud of you you have done so well almost a doctor! Wow

@Hanii1999

Жыл бұрын

@@melmckenna4599 thank you dear 💕I agree with you cuz one of my mistakes is telling them everything I’m a extrovert person I should work on it

@Hanii1999

Жыл бұрын

@@melmckenna4599 they just are proud of me when people are around them they don’t show it to me

@melmckenna4599

Жыл бұрын

@@Hanii1999 that's sad, and a real suffering for you, but you can rise above what they think

Any adult (whatever their problems) under no circumstances should be treated like children. Treating them like children will only continue and increase their childish behaviours. As adults, start treating them like their age and very soon enough they will be able to start acting it like all the other adults around their age. This means that part of human rights EVERYONE SHOULD BE TREATED THE SAME!!

My whole family

I didn't know you drive! 😮

It was a sister. Argghh. She's gone now. A relief.

Oh my god...

5:08 - 5:23 What is the topic?! Where Can I find it because it's what I'm looking for! help!

hi Julia. if you have a disability does this apply to these people too or not?

@juliakristinamah

Жыл бұрын

It absolutely applies. People with disabilities also need to be treated like respected adults.

Yes its me . gaslighting ans belittle me

Best to avoid them at all costs no matter who they are!

You cannot choose your parents. Choose your friends, though.

When I get belittled, I am told by my partner it's my behavior being belittled. Not me as a person. It still makes me feel like I want to die. Every time. Whether she means it or not, it hurts.

InfatiLIzation so why does she say infantization ? Are both terms right (I am French)?

As an openly autistic person, I have had to cope with a lot of this.

Very interesting. But what if the entire culture is infantizing? What if I literally don’t know a person who doesn’t question all my decisions and my judgment? It is not just about feedback either, but about consistently steering others to wherever they need to go. Their jobs, their hobbies, where they live, everything. The final slap in the face are the naive toons and the pretentious smiles to make your boo-boo go away. ”It’s all right. You just don’t understand.” ”I’m trustworthy, because psychology textbooks said that you think so, if I smile.” This is the happiest country in the world, after all. I wonder how calamitous it would really be if I was in control of my own life. Maybe I’d go get that latte then. Jesus.

I would think it was a big thing for a older sibbling to let you now that to you her younger sister know more than her on something.

Like they punish you in a way one punishes a child Say there's a grown adult watching TV in the place they live in someone who works there but doesn't live there takes away the TV remotes from said adult and locks them up

Another thing they’ll do is create situations that make you fail so they can fix it and look better

The worst thing is when you're forced to make decisions that you know are actually bad decisions. My mom didn't let me choose my own cash car (at age 27) even though she didn't pay for any of it. She was the only person that could drive me to the dealership so she made me get her same year, make & model but a different color. Could have gotten an Uber but I was also living with her at the same time and didn't wanna cause even more disharmony. It has a defective transmission and we both knew this because its literally the same car colored differently. Now I have to deal with a prematurely dying car that I knew would die prematurely. All I can do is laugh a bit and smile at the relief at knowing for sure I've been gaslit my entire life and that there's others like me. Cutting people off isn't even enough. I want revenge. But at the same time, I just want want to move on.

I Feel Much Better After Hearing You Talk About Being Treated like a Child’’’I Have Two Women in my Life Who Treat Me Like a Child ‘’thing. Is Me Being Treated like a Child is my Number one Dislike ‘’’Tina Is a Certain Friend who Treats Me Like a Child’’’So Does Her Mom’’’I Even Been Accused Of Lying ‘ on my Africa Trip Tina Didn’t Allow Me To Keep this Wooden Lid I Was Saving for My Seattle Airport Model’’’She Took it out of my Back Pack So Later I Bought One Just like this on eBay ‘’’and On This Africa Trip For the First Time She Is Keeping All my Cloths in Her Room ‘’’’ That’s Not How My Father Traveled’’ Martha Hardy Keeping My Fathers Cloths in Her and Victors Room ‘’’’’When He Traveled With Victor and Martha Hardy’’’’’Martha Hardy was Just Like Tina But Martha Never Did That To my Father on Trips like Tina is Doing to Me on this Africa Trip’ I Remember When My Mom Was Still Around She Told Me When Somebody Tell’s you What to Do it Makes You Not Want to Do it and that’s exactly What Happens When Tina or Her Mom Tells Me Want To Do’’’’My Friend Greg Miller Suffered Severe Depression and a Breakdown at Lions Gate Hospital Because He Was Always Being Bossed Around at Home and Treated like a Child All Day Everyday All Year By His Two Big Brothers Ian and Bruce and His Big Sister Marlee and His Mother Jean ‘’’He Couldn’t Take it’’’He was Always Slamming Doors’’’’’So that Never Happens to Me Sooner or Later I Will Have to Set Boundaries With Tina and Her Mom’’ Back When my Mother was All Grown up ‘’Still in Indiana Her Mother Always Treated my Mother Like a Child and She was Always Scolding My Mother So My Mother Moved Far away From Her Mother’’’my. Grandma in Indiana and my Mother Moved Across Country To Portland Oregon Where She Met My Father’’’’as Will as Her New Friends Emily and Carl’’’ Also it Sounds like Being Treated Like a.Child is Because I Have Diabetes’’’it’s As if People With Diabetes Don’t Have Adult Rights.

I hate to do this, but aren't you saying "infantized" and "infantization" instead of "infantilize" "infantilized" through this whole video?