I've been told before that hanging around me makes people wanna learn how to draw, and well... Every time I watch these I feel like I have so much to say lol (hi, Im bad at giving compliments, what I mean to say is that you're inspiring, and also dont worry, this talk urge of mine disappears in like 2 minutes haha) Keep it up Cel!

Something I find amusing about Myer Briggs is despite how much I've changed over the years, every single time I take it I get INFP! While I don't really believe in them as fact, it's more I find interest in personality trends. For example when I first came across the INFP subreddit, I noticed certain trends that came up. One of them is a lot of people there had ADHD and mental health struggles, which later led me looking more into that topic. And it was one of the first places online I thought "wow, across this giant internet of millions of people, there's this small group of people that are similar to me! how weird!". (outside of nerdy hobby groups) Giving it a quick glance again, I already notice patterns. INFP definitely has it's stereotypes, but if I had to summarize it'd be things like creative, sensitive, daydreamer. On the negative side, it's things like thinking and imagining more than doing, or having interests that are difficult to make income with. And while those are some general concepts, I think it's nice to feel related to sometimes. And yes I am certainly guilty of daydreaming more than doing, though I've been trying to get out of that habit recently by focusing on smaller goals. There was also a meme that went "optimism + depression = INFP" and that made me smile. I know it's common to joke about depression in certain circles, but it's like I have trouble explaining those two different sides. If I had to explain it, it's like I remain optimistic to avoid the despair of depression. I just realized it's basically like Madoka where they are constantly trying to prevent from their gems going fully black and turning into witches. That's basically what managing depression is like for me. lol I hadn't heard of the Enneagram before. Based on what you say I'm definitely a 1! It's like being the odd one out will do that to you. You're like "for once in my life can I be good and right at something?" lol Perfectionism is a pain because then when I struggle no one believes me! You go from high functioning to low functioning, your mental health falls off a cliff, and everyone is like "but why though? you seemed fine!". Yeah that's kinda my job... I tried to be the kuudere workaholic in real life and failed. lmao I think watching too much anime rubbed off on me, and I think it gave me some of my persistence, but it also made me have to learn some things the hard way. It's like I know I have some people who like me for me but then when they give reasons I think "but that can't be it, that's *just* me, there has to be something more than that" because of perfectionism. Thanks for talking about this! I think I'm gradually moving towards 4 as I get over my fear of being perceived. (mostly through self deprecating humor, but I'm trying to get better at not laughing at myself in a negative way) When it comes to scraping away my personality, sometimes I'm like "I don't even know what a personality is! I don't know what is me, what is coping, what is blending in". But I would say if I had to give that persona a name it'd be the high-masking self, where I do my best to roleplay as what I think normal people expect of me. But deep down I know that even with that high-masking self I will never be seen as truly normal because of subconscious responses that I can't control. It's this feeling of "you are the other, and this world isn't made for you", which is why I ran away to the internet for so long... I didn't mean to get so personal on this one but it is about personalities after all lol

A good example of me losing a bit of my personality to fit into Society on a small scale is something one of my friends pointed out the other day is where I will walk heel to toe when I'm out in public, but when I'm in my house I walk on my tiptoes like I did when I was younger. That's just a small thing that was able to be noticed I wonder how many other things just gets sanded away by trying to be "normal".(little note I do have asperger's/dyslexia and autism)

I change myself to fit in with everyone my whole life and I think that’s a common problem most people have, I don’t think that will stop you from being loved or finding love because all you need to do is find the person you are comfortable and trust them enough to open up to them. That last part is tricky though.

@celeritydust

21 күн бұрын

I suppose part of it is - once you're not performing or achieving - who are you? And is that person significant? Those are the questions I'm playing around with.

Personality tests can a great deal of fun, but it is just important to always take them with a grain of salt or two or just better a great heap of salt even especially if there is some sort of paywall beyond the completion of the personality test. Since they are often filled with generalisation so that you feel connected to the result no matter what it is it is used to prey upon people that have lost their sense of direction. Not to say it is all bad, of course if helps you to move on and better yourself it being a little mentally ill can be great catalyst to become less mentally ill. Just like with any form of media it's important to not just consume, but to also look at it critically.

@celeritydust

21 күн бұрын

Feel free to disagree, but I'm of the opinion that humans are not at all rational creatures. I feel as though to move them, you may often use means that are not rational in order to elicit change. I find the categories of Enneagram as meaningful as Gender, Religion, Horoscope, and some Eastern Medicine/Spirituality. If it works, it works - but definitely not for everyone and definitely prone to abuse by charlatans. Definitely be critical of everything, but I agree that a little mental illness serves the soul.

I'm not too sure how to word it, but what if you think yourself both not noteworthy and not deserving. To explain better, I have a sort of lovecraftion view of the world. One can be powerful, wealthy, and famous, but in the end, we are all specks of dust in the void of the universe. In the grand scope of reality, we are insignificant, powerless, and forgettable. With that in mind, I find it means to me that no matter who you are, you have a chance to have an outsized impact on others and the world. One can have an easier time because of their satus and can hold on to it using it, but in the end, they have no true immunity to anyone else having an effect on their lives. I find an odd kind of relief and hope that we CAN make order out of the choas and have far-reaching effects on the world, but at the same time as it is never truly set in stone, we can change or even stop others influence on ourselves and others. Not too sure if this comes across coherently. Oh well, at least I made an effort to ask my question and see what others think of my thought process.

@celeritydust

21 күн бұрын

What you're speaking to is Existentialism (positive) and Subjective Reality. By noting how tiny you are and how your experience is so pliable to your mindset, you're able to grant significance in your own actions or take away significance in the actions of others. I think if you're able to practice that earnestly, fantastic! Though I'm somewhat poor at internalizing that myself. There's also a touch of Buddhist "Craving leads to suffering", at least from what I'm reading. - if you needed some language to boil down your perspective to!

@dinomannick2559

21 күн бұрын

@celeritydust Huh, I broke it down to a "We are all on this rock together, let's just get along and improve" mindset with a "I reject your reality and substitute my own" mixed together. And a bit of "You can't make others happy, so make yourself happy well not being a dick" thrown in. Your take of it is much more elegant and clear.