The most underrated crime in human history is bad parenting

@penyarol83

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely 💯💯💯 and it’s the cause of all the other crimes too....

@MP-vf8qz

2 жыл бұрын

So common. And people wonder why this world has so many problems.

@trixiec3951

2 жыл бұрын

So true!!

@annaeidhis

2 жыл бұрын

Totally! There should be legal terms for that

@okayrnzu7901

2 жыл бұрын

Best quote i heard in forever.

It’s crazy how much our relationship with our parents as children affects our relationship with ourselves as adults.

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

I know, it's mad that we don't realize it at the time, but only understand it properly once we're grown!

@donnahickman9350

3 жыл бұрын

@@trinaq They're the product of how they were raised. It's a cycle.

@TheresaFeil

3 жыл бұрын

I know right. And then we have kids and it makes us remember our childhood even more. I just had a daughter and I hope to show her more love than I got.

@sigmasiren777

3 жыл бұрын

And with other people, romantic or otherwise.

@porandogo

3 жыл бұрын

👍

Abuse is horrible, but neglect is a special version of hell. You are invisible. No amount of good grades or special talent is enough to get recognition (at home). Your shortcomings are served to you buffet style when you do get any attention. By puberty, that little bit of cuteness that was your last saving grace is gone and you are a detestable burden. In adulthood, finally, you watch everyone else succeed but just trying to keep a job, and hold onto the bare minimum, is a significant struggle. If they only knew how hard you try...

@styxzero1675

Жыл бұрын

Just have to learn to cope with the fact that not everyone on earth was meant to suceed, have a great childhood, become rich and get status. Some peoples are just fillers in life and that is okay when you realise that life is a simulation. It dosent really matter, when you die you will lose your sense of self and you will fade into nothingness and non of this will have mattered whatever you did, on the grand scale of things humans are essentially meaningless, you ever ask yourself why the universe is so indiffrent to us? Because it is just the edge of the playable game map. When you realise this it will give you a sense of relief and you can just pursue whatever makes you happy in life, damn the consequences. Nothing matters.

@RefinedMale

11 ай бұрын

​@@styxzero1675 I like this comment. Nihilism really does feel like a cure sometimes.

@micha8255

11 ай бұрын

@@RefinedMale it's the worst poison and you know it

@divine1562

10 ай бұрын

Imagine all this happened just to you coz you're the girl child ..whereas your elder brother recieved all the appreciation and opportunities...and you can literally see how baisedyour parents are but really can't do anything about it ..and as you grow up, you become a rebel..and you're so exhausted for fighting for your right to be respected and loved, that you truly long for just one human who wouldn't be so hypercritical about you and just love you genuinely with all the heart ...which is extremely rare to happen...

@Riven0x

10 ай бұрын

They, along with most people I've met over the years, will never understand no matter how hard I try to explain it. The reality is unless we identify what caused this and work on it ourselves, nobody's gonna care. They'll continue to take advantage of my weaknesses or make negative assumptions just because I'm quiet. That's the reality. A reality I didn't choose but am forced to deal with.

At 44, i am just now starting to navigate away from self loathing. If you had crappy parents, they already stole your childhood. Don't let them take your adulthood too. You have the power to heal and develop lasting, meaningful relationships. We in this together, let's go! ❤

@Paul_Oddo

7 ай бұрын

43 here. You are not alone 🤜🤛

@charleslantz5242

7 ай бұрын

I’m 45….feel so worthless and now realizing why….would be great to have others to talk to in the same situation

@truecynic1270

6 ай бұрын

SO wonderful to hear!! ❤Good for you!!! I'm happy for you because you do have some time on your side and wouldn't it be terrific to feel happy !!?? 😊I'm 69 and done........have been for quite awhile but I have two great sons who lost their abusive father ( cancer) when they were teenagers so I'm stuck with 'life" I wish you ( all on this 'forum") the very best in healthier mental lives as you go forward!

@tonycastle2683

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this wisdom.

@tmking7483

5 ай бұрын

I have thrown out 1000s of images of my abusive sadistic parents_🎉

Some of us recognized the dysfunction early on. We ended up resenting our parents, wishing they could have been more like the loving parents of our friends and classmates. We knew intuitively there was something deeply wrong with our parents. At the same time, society informed us that we are required to love our parents. This situation takes a very long time to recover from.

@ChiefQueef_

3 жыл бұрын

Even after realization and emotionally distancing from them at a young age, it can leave feelings of self-hatred.

@universeofopulence

3 жыл бұрын

... every one should work on parenting their inner child

@rayodelsol80

3 жыл бұрын

@@ChiefQueef_ my 8 year old niece constantly asks me if I hate myself and I’m like, “what?! No!....Do you?” Her silence spoke volumes 😭😭 Children don’t ask to be born! Parents owe their children the best life they can give them.

@annemurphy8074

3 жыл бұрын

@@universeofopulence I ended up with D.I.D because of horrific abuse. I was adopted into a very dysfunctional family. My adoptive grandfather was a 33rd degree freemason and he ran a child rape/sodomy/trafficking/porn ring. They used very sophisticated mind control techniques. I have over 200 parts but am learning to love all of them more and more every day and we are moving towards greater integration. Healing has been frickin hard but so worth it. Everyone has wounded inner child states that need love, welcoming and acceptance.

@DefallianceDi

3 жыл бұрын

I recognised something was wrong very early on and I so desperately wanted to have a different family, 20 years later I'm still struggling with self-esteem issues, anxiety, loss of connection with myself, it takes a whole lot to recover from this, but I hope every person here who went through this can find peace.

"Sometimes when a person doesn't have children, it's a humane act. Sometimes when a person does have children, it's an Inhumane Act." Eric Warnock

@vickiecordon7887

3 жыл бұрын

So true and very well said.

@ericwarnock12

3 жыл бұрын

@@vickiecordon7887 Thanks. I formulated that recently. It took a while swirling around in my cabeza.

@ForestBeans

3 жыл бұрын

I got fixed so I cant have kids (tubal ligation) because my mental health is so bad and I cant bear to pass that down.

@ericwarnock12

3 жыл бұрын

@@ForestBeans I didn't get fixed, but I didn't have children. I had a little bit of enlightenment about myself when I was about 17 that gave me a clue not to have kids.

@sarahwagland1559

3 жыл бұрын

@@Mypromiselive Don't be so harsh on yourself. You realise that having children doesn't always bring joy and you have decided to not take that path because you are not prepared to take a gamble on an innocent child's life. It shows you to be compassionate and caring, a beautiful person. Not your fault your parents couldn't see that. Their loss.

Grew up in an Asian family with narcissistic parents who thought showing love was a weakness and could never express it. It's even awkward to hug a family member. Everything is true, you grow up to be self hating, shameful adults. To deal with this shame and self hate, the mind, even at that young age engages in maladaptive behaviors killing off their genuine self and putting on masks. And when that need for love is still not met, they shut down emotions. These attitudes and behaviors over time leads to maladies and condition like pure OCD, limerence, social anxiety, depression, covert narcissism and etc that will surface later in life. All things that can wastefully consume the hours and days of life, and prevent you from becoming the person you are truly meant to be. It can also lead some to becoming an extreme people pleaser later in life, to the point where it becomes unhealthy. Their social and emotional development are hindered because they are still stuck in that self hating phase and rarely do they know how to deal with problems in a healthy manner, because they never had that love and support. This could also lead to addictions like gambling, drinking, and etc. Please don't starve your child of affection and attention. If you have been a victim in the past, try to stop the cycle. Forgiveness is the first step. Forgive yourself and your parents. They were most probably victims themselves. I also believe therapy is a good attempt to overcome this.

@hriday26

Жыл бұрын

i'm so sorry to hear this....just remember it's not your fault...

@magnusdude61

Жыл бұрын

i can relate but not in the same circumstances. sorry you had to endure that. i can only imagine how much pain that caused you. the good news is that now you are aware that THEY are the ones with the hard hearts of stone, not you. Face it, feel it, let out the pain, and recover. We don't have to let the past define our futures....

@MFK1967

Жыл бұрын

Wise words… Children should be smothered in affection and love connection and emotional engagement…

@animeshrose

Жыл бұрын

Same situation bro! Got OCD when I was 18. 10yrs hence, still battling it. But now I know what to do , it was never my fault.

@queen_minnieme8321

Жыл бұрын

Wow I’m Asian and I experience what you just said :(

When my mother texted me she was too busy to come to my wedding I dropped to the ground sobbing. I rang my sister & the first thing that came out of my mouth was: “Why am unlovable? Why am so revolting & awful that she doesn’t love me.” My big sister said “You are more loveable than you could ever imagine.” We sobbed together. I don’t think people can understand what it’s like to have a parent who just can’t be what they are meant to be. Not everyone gets to have a mother, be thankful if you do.

@abczuchini3757

Жыл бұрын

Agree. My father has treated me like shit always. I still question why he could not love me

@tjones3393

Жыл бұрын

I didn't even invite my parents to my wedding, I don't need to risk them embarrassing themselves and ruining the day being immature weirdos.

@stuck597

Жыл бұрын

i’ve felt that before although not in the same way. i’m sorry they failed you. you are so deserving of the love you crave. ❤

@bruhifysson9005

Жыл бұрын

@@abczuchini3757 Reading this make me sob a littel ngl, Im an older brother of 4 (16, 12, 4, 2) I also used to think im unlovable and awful but when I was about ten years old im really lucky to become a friend (we're more than friend now) with someone who really change how I see myself. I aspire to be like her and your like your big sister, giving them the love that they deserve. Wish you the best 🤍 (Sorry if im not making any sense im not really good at english)

@bruhifysson9005

Жыл бұрын

Sorry I accidentally ping you gayatri

I'm 26 years old and I have never ever been hugged by my parents (no, they're not dead), and the result is now I have trouble expressing affection to others and I'm uncomfortable when people start being affectionate to me

@jenleeo

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Shona, it is never too late to do right for you, by you. Please seek out talk therapy if you haven’t already, and perhaps check out Pete Walker’s CPTSD book. Recognition/awareness is a hard first step; please do keep going, start a path toward healing. ❤️

@jessicamiller6143

3 жыл бұрын

I relate to this. I’m in the same boat myself and while I’m personally comfortable with no affection, it can be destructive in relationships because I don’t think of giving it.

@kittenm2784

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not a therapist, but if you feel it would help you can do this: I have dolls, a baby with a crib and a bottle. Alone at home i stand them near me, like a game, and i hug them, and tell them words of comfort like they are beautiful, and they are loved, like a ritual of self parenting, all that I wish I was told when i was little. I cry sometimes. Maybe i should ask my therapist if it's a good thing. Hey i read a book that describes your experience, the book won't help in healing by itself, but if you get your therapist to read it would be awesome. "HEALING THE UNAFFIRMED Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder". Conrad W. Baars, M.D. and Anna A Terruwe, M.D. Edit, even if you don't have a therapist, it may help, at least to intellectually figure the damage so you can come up with something to get over it. I hope it helps.

@sseulreal

3 жыл бұрын

same bruh. no hugs, no “i love you”s/“i’m proud of you” & they don’t celebrate important milestones in my life... now as an adult, i’m so emotionally unexpressive and in the eyes of others i think i come across as someone that can’t be bothered with keeping friendships i’ve made... but the truth is i just don’t know how to go about maintaining relationships, how to express myself & showing affection is such a foreign thing to me.

@kaiserpuppydog7174

3 жыл бұрын

Same here, not to mention barely any eye contact. Unfortunately, I found that I had to break all contact with them to improve my mental state.

It always goes back to childhood doesn’t it...

@RonaldoCR-fi9nk

3 жыл бұрын

Sadly yes

@eduardochavacano

3 жыл бұрын

The child within has to die... if we are to find a way out of home.

@suhani551

3 жыл бұрын

Yes it does yes

@d2acoaching669

3 жыл бұрын

Nothing has to die, rather it has to be accepted..

@user-rk1il2bz6o

3 жыл бұрын

Πάντα..

My parents excelled at so many areas of parenthood, so I never understood what happened to me in childhood to generate such self-hate and low self esteem. My mom cooked dinner every night, we had lots of toys and each one of us had our own bedroom. We were always physically safe, took amazing summer vacations, had help with our homework in the evenings. It took a long time for me to realize that as a child, I was “pushed away” a lot in moments when I was vulnerable. I guess my parents were trying to make me more independent emotionally, but that’s not quite what happened. I remember being afraid at night and feeling that I couldn’t go downstairs to their bedroom for comfort because I knew they would get irritated with me. I felt I couldn’t ask for hugs or cuddles because I was actually physically pushed away a few times by my mother who was almost always busy with a task. My older sisters wanted nothing to do with me and often ran off with their friends to leave me alone at home. Although I was well-cared for and I love my parents for EVERYTHING they did “right” in raising me, I do remember feeling very lonely as a child and I started believing there was something fundamentally wrong with me that my parents didn’t want to hold me or be around me. They were simply too busy to be bothered, but I’ve carried this feeling with me my whole life. When I don’t meet my own expectations, I feel undeserving. Hopefully I can create self-love as an adult.

@Aquatendo

Жыл бұрын

This is so relatable, I hope you have made progress with self-love! My parents did everything right except exist emotionally for me. It’s been hard trying to understand that they actually caused damage and made me who I am today. And even harder trying to repair that damage in order to love and accept myself, to be more than just a quiet reflection of what I think those around me want.

@jabba0975

Жыл бұрын

And then you see the other kids with worse parents and feel even more guilty, something must be wrong with me, etc. Then one day you grow up and realize all the suffering was unnecessary because all the thoughts and feelings were just bullshit. It's all conditioned, mechanical, karma. It's not you. No need to think about it or let it trouble you. Just let it go.

@alexc659

Жыл бұрын

I feel that. The case for me was every time I was distressed (because I was pushing myself so hard academically to get my parents approval), I would be met with either invalidation or disdain. ‘You have been given so much, so why would you feel that way’. Or ‘look at the other kids who are less privileged that you’. And I felt so much shame. It’s crippling and im only starting to unpack it today.

@SwedishTourist

11 ай бұрын

Oh god same. My parents are great people, but I have had my fair share of hardship And while some of the trauma comes from my family, half of it probably comes from primary school. Some kids were really awful to me Anyways, the family dynamic wasn’t entirely setting me up for success either. I can remember myself trying to get their attention when I was very little, not always feeling like I would get a response. I remember feeling anxious as a very, very young kid. And I remember feeling a slight disconnect to both of them, in different ways. Why won’t mum play with me? Am I weird for wanting to play? Do I have to do well to please her? I noticed that she was quick to take care of me, but she didn’t comfort me like in the warm way I craved. My dad is a warm and playful person (the typical ”funny dad” who kids loved) but he seemed quite absent-minded at times, too. And since he isn’t the best at recognising small shifts and details in others, he left that part to my mum. And as I described earlier, she couldn’t always be there for me either. I guess both had their childhood traumas, too. It’s hard to look back at all of this at age 30. I feel very different, separate, and like I’m watching the world from the outside of a snow globe. I’m an alien looking in. 🤨

@Yeettube2777

10 ай бұрын

Story of my life 😅 everything else is great and I do feel loved but the American society makes it so that parents are always busy. And during vulnerable moments it's ethier pushed away or far the extreme opposite, confronted but very aggressively. After that, I grew more content with being pushed away, because I feel it's far better than the other option. And I would purposely avoid confronting. I do feel like I'm looking at the world in 3rd person, and do have pretty poor self esteem. It's not great. I still ask myself y I have these problems if I'm not in other kids positions.

I was being criticized by my family for every single thing; good or bad. Growing up I’m so critical and never satisfied with any of my achievements.

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

This is why, people really need to think through their decision before having children if they're capable to provide love, safety, and the basic necessity for another human being.

@jonh9561

3 жыл бұрын

I think that your comment is spot on because this hugely important decision must be unselfish and focused on the child. This so important that I think it should be discussed/taught in the last year of school so that it is imbedded into people's conscientiousness as soon as they are able to understand the concepts.

@justinamusyoka4986

3 жыл бұрын

In some cases,children come before the parents get aware of the choices before them like when its teen pregnancy.

@Jackgritty28

3 жыл бұрын

Who is the judge of that,sensitive to being rejected or unloved,the picture could get complicated💥

@stevecarter8810

2 жыл бұрын

In my experience it was impossible to imagine what parenthood would be like before becoming a parent, so people aren't qualified to 'think through' becoming a parent until it's too late. I set an intention of the kind of dad I would be, which has helped guide me, but oh boy, it comes with challenges and you only get one shot with each kid. Best thing that ever happened in my life though

@hlengiwemasondo2858

2 жыл бұрын

I was sure I ddnt want one, found out four days before giving birth. :(

Growing up my parents always made me feel like I owed them my life, that I should be grateful because they paid for my food, my living expenses and everything I have. To me, It is a ridiculous proposition, why would anyone bring a child into existence if they're not prepared to raise the child? Do they honestly expect a toddler to work and feed itself? Now I am estranged from my parents and I have never felt more relieved, they would call me selfish, ungrateful and whatever negative adjectives that can comfort their souls, but I'm not going back to that abusive life I wanted to escape since young. If you're a parent, please do not make your kid feel like they're indebted to you, they're not. They do not choose to be born, it is by your decision they come into being, hence it is your responsibility to raise them, if you only have children to count on one day they will take care of you, don't have children, you're running their lives, chances are you'll ruin yours.

@hubbawah

3 жыл бұрын

Hear hear!

@elgringoperdido.

3 жыл бұрын

Amen

@tracik1277

3 жыл бұрын

I was labelled selfish by my parents from the get-go, before I even understood the meaning of the word. As a result, I became a people pleaser, easily intimidated, believed I had to give in to whatever anyone else wanted - and I mean whatever they wanted. Living like this creates resentment in older years.

@Hendra23155

3 жыл бұрын

Sound like you have “old school ” Asian parents

@TJ-kz1ul

3 жыл бұрын

@@tracik1277 I can relate to your comment so well. I hope you are healing and I wish you well after such a difficult childhood

I'm in my 50s , extremely grown up but somehow still seven years old and being told I'm not worth anything . It's a bizarre reality created by two now long vanished people.

@nicolab2075

2 жыл бұрын

Just imagine how sad a person must be inside, to tell their little seven year old that they're worthless.

@andynixon2820

2 жыл бұрын

@@nicolab2075 I've thought about this - putting myself in their shoes . But came to the conclusion that they were both narcissists incapable of actually loving a child , just using him . So as an adult I have no sympathy for them just disdain - it's a sad reality but true .

@comealongcomealong4480

2 жыл бұрын

@Andy Nixon You may have heard an old saying from a Christian teaching order of brothers (I always want to say Augustine order, and that's wrong): "Show me the child at seven, and I will show you the man". A famous UK tv series called "Seven Up" investigated this idea. Meeting a group of seven year old school children in the 1960s, and then revisiting them every seven years to see how their talents, hopes and dreams had developed. It's a phrase I often think of in relation to my own family and friends.

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

@aperturefilm

8 ай бұрын

​@andynixon2820 i feel u maan 👍🏽

My childhood wasn't the best, but I grew up a couple houses down from three boys who had a horrific mother. The father was long gone. You could hear her screeching at them all over the neighborhood. This was back in a time when folks just shook their heads and looked the other way. One of the boys committed suicide in his 20's. Another died from drug abuse. The third, who bore the brunt of his mother's rage, works hard, but his life seems to be a disaster, and I know he doesn't cope well, even as he approaches 60 years old. But he has a big heart, and we have remained good friends through the years.

I cannot afford therapy. This channel is a blessing for me.

@vivienhinton5472

2 жыл бұрын

ACA (adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families) for when you can't afford therapy

@watfordgap6737

2 жыл бұрын

It is worth the cost honestly even if it is difficult.

@mikelisteral7863

2 жыл бұрын

modern society causes self hate which people then blame on their parents lol. modernism is a false god

@CDines

2 жыл бұрын

@@mikelisteral7863 i think they're both intertwined

@mikelisteral7863

2 жыл бұрын

@@CDines humans are ancient. we are basically still cavemen. modernism is unnatural

I yelled at my parents several times that if they did not want a child they should have taken a cold shower instead of sex because I was constantly reminded that I was unplanned and unwanted and could not get an abortion to avoid having me.

@dkeefe4068

3 жыл бұрын

Tell them it's probably genetic---their parents probably didn't want them either. They're good examples of how NOT to be.

@nabihanur3814

3 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry that’s such a terrible thing for them to constantly mention

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

Omg are u ok?????? That's really awful what happened to you......

@vickiecordon7887

3 жыл бұрын

@@klaudinegarcia8932 that is one of the main reasons I support abortion. Abortion would have been more humane than the emotional torture I endure knowing I was unplanned and unwanted and constantly being reminded of that. I am emotionally disfigured but I have to learn to be a parent to myself and it is not easy. Accomplishing anything seems harder for me than other people because of this.

@zippagraphics

3 жыл бұрын

You did not deserve that. You’re parents were irresponsible to regard you in such a way.

And this is why I have spent my almost 50 years battling horrible feelings of self-hate and crap self esteem. I’m working on it. I have finally realized I am not trash, it was them.

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

@andrewrees8749

Ай бұрын

I feel the same, it's not our fault, I have so many issues

Well damn wasn’t expecting to cry today. Also, after reading the comments, I never thought I’d be in a space with so many people like me. I literally don’t know anyone else’s parent who were abusive, hateful, manipulative and just downright evil as mine. I went through everything in this video and I outright hate myself. I was a straight “A” student, an athlete, had perfect attendance and never got in trouble. Not because I was raised correctly, but because I wanted to be worthy of being taken care of…I never achieved that goal. And, that led into my life. Romantic relationships even platonic friendships all led me be mistreated and apologize and “change” as if I was ALWAYS the issue. Through therapy and time…I’m just now combating this in my 30s…. I’m sorry this happened to us…but it isn’t the end.

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

@beingmadewell

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Nope you are not alone, I took thought I was. I'm fifty and learning to live from my authentic self. But know this, healing is possible. And God showed me this, We are survivors. If we made it through this as children, what else could we accomplish as adults?. Blessings ❤

@beingmadewell

6 ай бұрын

​​@@aleksandra_jesusAmen we must forgive. And it really is necessary for the process of continued healing. However, platforms like this help us heal and process the pain, to release us from all the turmoil that was put on us. It brings evil/ darkness to light by exposing it's tactics and schemes. And the forgiveness allows the 🕯️ light to shine even brighter in us. ❤God Bless!!

@sbef

3 ай бұрын

I'm a few years older than you and... even if we're scarred for life, it does get better. Stay strong brother

I am going through a ridiculous amount of self-hatred recently. One thing that helped today was remembering a time I made someone laugh. It reminded me that I wasn’t completely worthless, and I was able to combat the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness.

@ChiefQueef_

3 жыл бұрын

Don't become the sad clown either.

@cdubs406

3 жыл бұрын

Remember that looking for evidence of "why we're not worthless" is still a framework of believing that we're worthless and must somehow prove otherwise. No amount of "proving" otherwise will supplant that, because we're still locked into the framework of looking for some kind of outside validation to prove it (What happens when the outside validation stops? Did that brief validation fix us forever? No, we go back to looking for more evidence somewhere else, from someone else). This may be helpful: Start externalizing blame. Worthlessness and a sense of self-blame ("I'm responsible for this situation") go hand in hand. *Feel embarrassed about an awkward interaction at the store? It's their fault. They shouldn't have had their head up their ass and should have been watching where they were going. Fuck them. *Bored with your job? Maybe they shouldn't be so fucking lame. Maybe capitalism is a boring fucking rat race, and it's horseshit to think that we should all be happy doing the same boring thing all fucking day. Fuck them. >>> You might just find that you know what, you're right! Maybe you HAVE been accommodating a bunch of people and situations that don't serve you. Maybe they've been getting exactly what they want while you cater to them and look for their fleeting smiles and nods of approval. Maybe they're gonna have to start figuring it out for themselves, instead of being catered to. >>> Note: You might have feelings of sadness and fear come up when you start doing this...like "what if I lose all my friends, or my job?" or "What if I start doing what I want, and then I'll end up all alone?" - Sit with that. Why is it exactly that you feel this way, and that externalizing blame or not accommodating others equals isolation and loss? What beliefs drive those feelings? ***In case it wasn't obvious, this is based on personal experience, and your mileage may vary. But I think it fits a pattern that I'm sure a lot of people share. Much love, and best of luck out there***

@Chill-Pill

3 жыл бұрын

@@cdubs406 There is something to this. At age 50 I finally, finally allow myself to fully feel anger toward the offenders (parents, etc.) instead of completely internalizing the pain and transforming it into self-hatred. There is a grieving process that comes along with this. Realizing and accepting that our parents are deeply flawed and not gods. We can start to heal and love ourselves when we fully realize this and allow ourselves to grieve the loss of our ideal parents.

@garethmorgan3665

2 жыл бұрын

To be able to make someone laugh is one of the best gifts you can give another person.

@penyarol83

2 жыл бұрын

@cdubs206 lol, I love your idea of externalizing blame. That’s been very helpful for me, who used to always blame myself. F that! Everyone else sucks, it’s not my fault 😁 Obviously there are limits to this, but it’s a healthy counterbalance for those of us who were blamed too much in childhood, to start throwing off the weight of all those unfair projections and expectations.

When i was younger i was so focused on being a good daughter and trying to make her parents proud. Now i focus on making myself proud and not caring about my parents' opinions about me, because i realized that no matter what i say or do they always invalidate me. So why not just do what i love that makes me proud of myself.

@leeboriack8054

3 жыл бұрын

Well said! Take the high road and leave thecburden of resentment and regret behind. Leave your mind open and free to embrace the love and compassion we all are meant to have.

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you! Very inspirational! I'm going to do this too! 😊 Thanks for sharing! 💕

@anonymousbee

2 жыл бұрын

You wrote my heart out

@fruitylovin3244

2 жыл бұрын

Wow these are truly beautiful words. I will steal them now, just to read as a reminder to push forward. Thank you!

@gigielliot834

2 жыл бұрын

Oh Wow. Your words resonated with me. You spoke from my heart also.

I tell my son I love him multiple times a day, I give him hugs and kisses on a daily basis. He’s 7 right now and I’ve made a few mistakes in these seven years but nothing that would effect him forever. There is not a day that goes by or a minute in that day where I’m not thinking about making sure he’s loved for, cared for, encouraged, feeling good, feeling fed and so much more. When I found out he was being bullied in school, I lost it. I talked to teachers principals and reached out everywhere I could when he’s hurting I’m hurting. Never should he feel hurt. That’s my main mission. To always make him feel safe at my home. To feel loved, accepted and avoid as much hurt as possible. Hope I’m doing it right and he loves me as much as I love him when he grows up to be the most handsome gorgeous hilarious talented and funniest man alive! 👩🏻‍🍼👩‍👦

@commonerwithasuperpower6898

11 ай бұрын

When I was bullied at school, my mom took side with them and even humiliated me in front of them. My whole family did that. When I read your comment, I am in tears and wish I had a mom like you. To protect me, feel like I matter. I would have had an amazing childhood. Thank you for what you are doing now. Your son will become an amazing man in the future!! ❤

@RefinedMale

11 ай бұрын

You are a lioness.

@words007

2 ай бұрын

Well I agree love unconditional is utmost, but it would be foolish as a parent to truly MAKE IT A SAFE SPCE for anybody, personally speaking I would have long ago died if I was raised in perfectly safe space and without some discipline without some beating if needed. YOU DONT WANT TO RAISE A KID THAT is too blind to the suffering of the world. Create a safe space in your own hands and home you live so your child doesn't hide anything from you but don't ever let him feel the rest of the world is as safe as you are. That's a recipe for disaster

It was my birthday yesterday and I heard from no one in my family. I called and wished everyone happy birthday in my family this year. Yet not a soul called me yesterday 😒 Not my parents, and definitely not my brother nor sister . This message came to me today and is gradually opening my eyes. Its painful but thank you for this. I needed it

@sadbutlaughingsoul-1299

Жыл бұрын

Birthday is more painful and hurtful day than any other days🙂

@aperturefilm

8 ай бұрын

Happy belated birthday my friend, only strangers would do this. I feel u 👍🏽

@freshpootube

4 ай бұрын

It’s not your fault. You’ll know what to do for your own the family, who you can choose. (Nobody chooses their parents or siblings).

@crookedfingersgirl7356

28 күн бұрын

Hey dear one: I know I'm late but... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! For this Year and onward!!! Wishing you the best of everything but most above all: that you are safe, that you are sheltered, that you have a reasonably safe environment (cause rent costs are inhumane and some of us survivors have to live where we can afford!), clean, healthy, fed, warm when it's cold, cool when it's hot, and on your way to love yourself!!! That is my bday wish for you!!! (Oh and Happy Belated Birthday the past 2 years I missed your birthday 🎂- blow out your candles and make a wish beyond your hearts desire!!!)

@ElevaTOURSbyRainMaves

24 күн бұрын

Same here 😢

By the time we realize that our parents could also make mistakes and it is not necessarily us who are in the wrong all the time, it's too late, the damage has already been done.

@whiteraven90

3 жыл бұрын

Too late to have no scars, but never too late to start healing the scars.

@ZurditaDinamita

3 жыл бұрын

It's a hard work indeed, but it doesn't have to be too late necessarily. Hope, resilience... we can be way stronger than our ego/damaged child think we are!

@franacha

3 жыл бұрын

@@whiteraven90 Healing the scars can't bring back all the time wasted

@edithtea9477

3 жыл бұрын

@@franacha time can never be taken back. It’s necessary to make our peace with that fact. And that should not keep us from the Liberation that comes with healing those scars. Peace be with you

@whiteraven90

3 жыл бұрын

@@franacha Look at it this way; the past technically does not exist. The present does. Memories in one's mind exist. It's an important distinction to make, because it allows you to realize that the only thing you need to address in the present to feel good about your life is those memories. Accept what happened (or what should have happened but didn't), understand it deeply enough to know that it could not have happened in any other way than the way it did, give yourself time to mourn your losses, let them go, and move on. Reframe memories so that they do not hinder but aid you in the present. In the here and the now, you have the opportunity to be a better "parent" to yourself than your parents were, and that's all you need. You don't need to turn back time to feel free or contented.

Only ever being scowled at, never smiled at. Only ever criticised, never praised, no matter how well I did in school. Never receiving an ounce of affection. Being left alone. Never having fun with my parents. Never being reassured. Being ignored, despite repeating myself over and over until I gave up talking. Being of less worth because I wasn’t thin; constantly being told I had a fat this, that or the other. I could go on. My mother is a broken human because of her unhealed childhood trauma, and I believe only had me because my dad likely talked her into having a second child . She would have happily not had another, after a bad time with my older brother keeping her awake for the 1st 2 years of his life. I believe I was resented from the get go. I believe she also had post natal depression. This manifests today in me, still. People pleasing. Terrified of conflict. Always trying to keep the peace. Never standing up for myself. Scared of being disliked. Feeling like the only way to solve problems is to run away. Not really being able to articulate myself in conversations. Never arguing because of lacking confidence in my argument. Always trying to remember it wasn’t my fault. Always trying to love and care for myself. Still struggling through. Hugs out there to anyone who identifies with any of this. ❤️ it’s not your fault. You deserved love.

@justamom4853

3 жыл бұрын

You deserved love too. I hope you find peace one day.

@edithtea9477

3 жыл бұрын

I feel your words deeply. We can do this ❤️ & you deserve love too!

@epynephrine

3 жыл бұрын

😭

@dzanegulles

3 жыл бұрын

:

@ja1kob3

3 жыл бұрын

We're born so pure, society ruins us!!

@Riyaz313

2 жыл бұрын

Golden words.

@words007

2 ай бұрын

Society ruins you so you don't ruin society back, it's a hard lesson it's almost unbearable and it is for all those school shooter all those public shooters who doesn't take it well when society breaks their will. All these actions originate from people who weren't loved when they ABSOLUTELY NEEDED IT . I can't believe the solution was so simple yet invisible 😢

@diyagupta7466

2 ай бұрын

@@words007 very well said!

When I was a child my mom would tell me that she loved me but she didn’t like me as a person. She really wanted to have a girl. After three boys she got me. She was always disappointed in me. She was very vocal about it. I remember talking to her and she would ignored me. Now that I’m an adult, I can see both my parents treated me like an object.

@BanjoPixelSnack

6 ай бұрын

My mum used to tell me she didn’t like me. It always cut me so deep because I tried to hard to be the perfect obedient child. She used to mock me for trying to please her. She said she didn’t like “simpering”. I was five years old and desperate for her not to leave me like she always threatened she would. It leaves a mark, doesn’t it 😢

@bq1424

6 ай бұрын

Part of Competence required to be a parent is being thankful that you have a healthy happy baby ape opposed to throwing an inappropriate long or short term STROP over the gender.

It's like some parents think they want children but when they have them they dont create true bonds with them and they just look fake and pretentious.

@Jess-nc4oy

3 жыл бұрын

You don't know what kind of parent you are going to be until you there. In fact most people don't even really think about how they were rise until they have a child themselves.

@TrueInvisible

3 жыл бұрын

what parents want is NOT "a child" what they want is a "CLONE" of themselves; a copy that will achieve what they failed in, and will manage what they couldn't .. what they truly want is a second chance in life .. to NOT get married NOT have kids, and WORK on self development and achieve their goals. if there was NO FEAR from SOCIAL RIDICLUE .. believe me with an EGOLESS race .. giving birth would almost go extinct!

@Alexandar358

3 жыл бұрын

@@TrueInvisible That's inherently wrong. Reproduction is a biological process. It's why we feel attracted to other people. We subconsciously see them as potential mothers or fathers of our children. What you're describing is narcissism, not ego. Narcissism is a in its essence a complex, while ego is in its essence our self-perception protocol.

@harrisindustries314

3 жыл бұрын

When people do things for the wrong reasons, it usually doesn't work out they way they intend.

@TrueInvisible

3 жыл бұрын

@@Alexandar358 i spoke what i lived through, that's all.

Thanks for explaining my childhood.

@bluecaster

3 жыл бұрын

Explained my childhood as well

@earnestlyaditya4261

3 жыл бұрын

@@bluecaster same :/

@joshuatibio4767

3 жыл бұрын

same

@hathorearth1718

3 жыл бұрын

Same here😢 one good thing out of this is that we don't have to continue the cycle it can stop with us

@hathorearth1718

3 жыл бұрын

@@sophiafake-virus2456 we're not victims.. it happened for us not to us but it shows that there's more than one person going through this and the fact that we have that in common helps us move forward instead of dwelling on what happened and we heal from it faster.

The saddest part of this situation is to make others aware, those who received all that love and attention to see through and empathise with pain emotionally neglected children underwent. People with stable families never get it.

This is very true and the saddest thing it's that most parents are not even mean or evil people but they just don't know anything about proper education. They rely on the idea that a child forgets everything within a few minutes. So for them it doesn't matter what happens to you because you are just a child and as long as you have food and shelter you'll be fine 🙄🙄🙄

@fuanasantuary1277

4 ай бұрын

Dollar signs in their eyes. You can't remember anything too youngs.

My mother seems to have completely erased the memory of all the abuse she did to me. Perhaps it's her own coping mechanism, not wanting to accept that she is the main reason her youngest daughter wants to die. She's old and I let it be, some things can't be fixed with therapy I suppose, I hope all the adults that was treated inhumane in the past can find peace in little pleasure one day.

@FaithMcCaffrey

3 жыл бұрын

Same here "im just trying to keep the family together" hhmmm now you care? After years of emotionally abusing your children, treating them like slaves, to the point where several of us wished to take our own lives or wished we could run away. I'll be damned if im the reason my kids want to commit suicide or run away from home

@newmamaful

3 жыл бұрын

You might be interested in It's Not Your Fault by Beverly Engel and Recovering From Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

@pria7538

2 жыл бұрын

My mother would like to take a revisionist position in how she raised us. I simply won’t allow it. I knew at 20, my healing relied on making her confront what she had done. If I had not, I would be lost today. Today I care for her more than I did in my 30s but it would not have been possible (for me) without confrontation. I pray the absolute best for you!

@Bobsbud100

2 жыл бұрын

I hope you find peace and happiness 😊

@Kai-uj8tg

2 жыл бұрын

I know she used to hit us a fair bit. When people move towards me unexpectedly, I flinch, move back, or raise my hands in defence every time. I always get irritated when she walks in the room and I’m not studying, working or being productive. She says she doesn’t remember hitting us, or even ‘hitting us that much’. Now even I’m not sure. But I feel like those physical and emotional instincts I have now, tells me that maybe what she did actually was significant.

As a teenager myself I'm actually kind of scared how accurate this is. Society teaches us that we should bow to our parents just because they took care of us when we were young. Bruh like I'm not the one who wanted to be born. You're the one who brought me to this world so isn't that your duty? Emotional blackmail ain't gonna do shit. I'm nice to nice people bacuse I choose to be, not because I owe them something

@trixiec3951

2 жыл бұрын

How sad that schools haven't changed! You can still love your parents even if they did a terrible job like mine did! When I was at school it was practically forbidden to talk ill of your parents or family. You were expected to put up with their nonsense just because they were family - just another excuse for families to treat each other badly. There's no way I would have chosen my mother as a friend! I wouldn't want to associate with someone like that. I was always told " you only get one mother" & my reply was always " thank God" 🤣🤣🤣

@definitlynotbenlente7671

Жыл бұрын

I had a really bad childhood and teenage years i always kept to myself now j am a adult (20) i know it means nothing since it is just a comment on youtube but one thing i have to say is that how hard it is you have to reach out as hard as you can to find someone who does care i never did as a adult you are not given any chance so whike your still a kid reach out and accept the help that people give you and live your life how you want it grab every chance and keep goeing do not waste your youth in shame and self harm like me

@acrez3260

Жыл бұрын

I agree, giving us love, safety, physical necessities etc as a child is not a privilege, it’s a requirement. I hate this mindset of “love your parents no matter what”

@IbarraAlejandro

Жыл бұрын

We're suppposed to honor them even if they're fucking abusers or evil. Everyone always take our parent's side.

@jellybellyfun3288

Жыл бұрын

🎯

My parents were cold and hurtful towards me as a child. I developed depression at a very young age " around 9 " and now 20 years later I still struggle. I'm a very attractive man but I've never been able to maintain a relationship for more than a few weeks. Seeing the way my parents acted back then made me want my own family more than anything. It's literally been my only goal in life but I can't obtain it. As a result I've been addicted to opiates for the last 12 years. The feeling of ingesting a high dose of a quick acting opiate is like being wrapped in a blanket of love and studies have shown now that the opiate system is what mediates the bio chemical effects that lead to human bonding and love. Having shitty parents is legitimately the most damaging thing that can happen to someone. I'm destroying myself just to feel love and feel like I share a bond with someone and I'll likely die for that. Love your children and don't have them.

@JohnDoe-xk1dv

2 жыл бұрын

If you were raised by personality disordered parents, or sociopaths, means it wasn't your fault. It wasn't. You're probably aware of this, but you likely would benefit and need drug rehab (whether you've done it before or not), and longer term psychotherapy from someone knowledgeable and authoritative enough, and that can form a bond with you that helps anchor you, rather than the drugs. If you're doing those things anyway, or trying to start, congrats. If you tried them before, try again, with new people if possible, if the old ones didn't work. Lot of work to do on yourself, before having your own family, or the pain could get passed down to your new children next. And... you're not a better or worse person for being in a relationship, or being a parent or not. People who are pathological will try to convince you you MUST do these things, but they're wrong to do so. Best to you, for the continuing journey. It's painful, but hope you can do it.

@atheistine

Жыл бұрын

I believe that someday you will get clean and start a family and feel the love you deserve

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

I became the person my mother told me I would be. Unlovable, a failure, not worth loving, and it took me a lifetime to get over.

@chrisnstar

Ай бұрын

We live up or down to our parents' expectations. I lived down for a long time.

The best career advice that I learned is don’t ever attach your-self to a PERSON, a place, a company, an organization or a project. Only Attach your-self to your mission in life and your PURPOSE. That’s how you keep your power and keep your peace!

@koala7254

3 жыл бұрын

thanx! that actually helped me to wrap my head around a task that lies ahead of me.

@morematcha

3 жыл бұрын

I figured that out a few months ago, but struggling to practice it haha.

3 жыл бұрын

"Only Attach your-self to your mission in life and your PURPOSE" this is nothing but beautiful words, nothing to do with reality. We are humans we cannot do that.

@100sky3

3 жыл бұрын

What if your mission or purpose is one of those aforementioned things? Also this relies upon knowing what your purpose is, do most people know that?

@koala7254

3 жыл бұрын

@@100sky3 i really like what mel robbins says about this - don't search for your purpose or passion - just follow your energy. "passion is not a person place or thing. it is the feeling of being expanded and energized." the key question is - what energizes me.

I'm really grateful that I'm born in an era where I can access such quality content for free to guide me through my adolescence

@Yeettube2777

10 ай бұрын

Same❤

My Mom and Dad “ boarded” me out when I was born until I was 2 years old and they came to see me and bring clothes and saw I had a large boil on my head and I was rocking back and forth moaning, mind you the lady ( Elsie) whom I was placed with was uneducated and said “ I put some bacon on it to draw it out” she was also very southern. Upon seeing the condition I was in they took me to the dr. Where the area was lanced and as my Mother tells it…I breathed a sigh of relief, and took me home for good. Now…I had/have 3 older sisters that were at home with the parents their entire life and could never get an answer as to why I had to be throw to the side? They were not poor, in fact I had everything a child could want when growing up, but Love. My family does not hug or say “I love you” ever! and I have trouble doing either as well, but I try to break that odd stiff behavior and have done well at breaking it. I can hug friends etc..but I find it difficult to hug family. Sheesh! Anyway, I suffered as a child with my parents choices or lack there of..I had such low self esteem ( still do,) that it was debilitating and later I took myself to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with agoraphobia at the age of 18 to get help to come out into the world…even if it was delayed. I can only attribute my lack of confidence and fear in life to their early abandonment of me or what looks like abandonment to me along with the weird, loose atmosphere in my home growing up. I had no rules growing up, no meal time and no structure, I’m amazed I have gotten as far as I have, but I was always working to overcome my phobia’s…I do struggle incredibly everyday. My friends have said I am the only sane ione in my family….which is almost true! Lol. Children need love, structure, attention and encouragement, it can stifle growth if ones mind if not given those basic things.we allow ideas and thoughts to creep into our minds at such young ages and they can take root! Do not have children if you are ill equipped to offer what they will need to progress into well shaped individuals as they grow up. Stability and love is so very vital to the young mind and a sense of being loved and belonging to a family is probably the most important! Btw, I still suffer with agoraphobia which leads to social anxiety, its all lack of self esteem and a feeling of being “less-than” but I will never give up trying to talk myself into believing, that I’m as good as anyone else, just different!

It’s absolutely staggering how many parents I’ve come across over the years, some who have admitted, others I picked up on behavioral cues, where they might love their children on a basic default level, but anything beyond that, they seriously hate them. By “default”, I mean concern for their basic care and feeding, and keeping them safe from immediate danger, but no care or interest in them otherwise, no building up, no bonding, no nurturing. It’s like there’s nothing more there, what little there is they just eke it out like the bottom of a toothpaste tube. I remember Mrs. Doubtfire where the dad argued that he doesn’t just love his kids, he’s IN LOVE with them. Don’t be a smartass: YOU KNOW EXACTLY the context that is meant here 🙄 That is the kind that kids deserve. A brave few admitted that they “love” their children but shockingly hate them at the same time, and secretly wish that they were someone else’s kids and they could just visit them. Some blame incompatibility, but the thing is not just not knowing a way around it, they don’t even seem to care to know a way around it. As if it’s just some sort of roommate or houseguest situation they’re stuck with. How much of that do you think the kid, who didn’t ask to be born, picks up? Parenthood is not a mandatory rite of passage into adulthood or “just something you do when you grow up”, it is a learned skill that some people quite frankly do not have an aptitude for EVEN WITH help, yet they go on and do it anyway because societal pressure, commercial programming, others’ expectations, for “old age insurance”(I want someone to care for me when I’m too old), to pacify their own parents’ desire for grandchildren, those reasons are actually kinda shitty and pretty selfish. The sooner we can all admit that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, the better off the world will be for everyone….

@OOana-ul9zn

7 ай бұрын

All of this!!! Thanks for putting it so well into words!

@venusianbaby

5 ай бұрын

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

As a child, I didn't think I would live to see 25. It was the only way I could cope with the abuse in my home. I'm 30 now and I'm finally learning to actually LIVE my life and make plans for my future, not just survive everyday life. This video hits home!

@iamnoob7593

Жыл бұрын

my mother is sadist , just because her life her mother treat her very badly , my mother wants me to face same sought of problem , she always keeps saying her mother is like this like that... i am earning will move out of house.

To the person who is struggling with shame and self hate, no one who grew up in a toxic situation escapes unharmed or free from the guilt of contributing to that toxicity in some way. You may judge yourself harshly, but you are not alone in this. It is far more common than you may realize. The only thing you should not do is perpetuate the toxicity. If you are here reading this, you are almost certainly looking for a better way. That is enough; you are enough. Progress may not come as fast as you want; forward is enough.

@trixiec3951

2 жыл бұрын

To the kind person who wrote this lovely message : Thank you ☺️

@1unsung971

Жыл бұрын

Adult Humans are very disappointing and largely inept. Don't trust anyone. They will ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN.

@jonbastion8727

Жыл бұрын

@@1unsung971 The world rarely changes when you want it to, but it will change. And, it will change almost instantly. One moment it is so hot and so humid that it is hard to breathe. You can barely move because your clothes stick to you. Everyone around you is agitated by their own misery making them quick to anger creating a self feeding monster. You are hopeless. It is hard to imagine how life can survive such misery. It is hard to imagine why it should. Without warning and in a moment, the skies open with rain that breathes new life. The air is lighter and cooler. The birds appear from their hiding places to celebrate. Everyone around you is suddenly in a good mood. When one is going through hell, hell is all that can be seen and all that can be imagined. Keep going; there is more, better ... ahead somewhere, maybe not soon but ahead. There are amazing people who are critical to your growth and progress in life. People not only worth trusting, but people whose very existence will change you, your perspective, your situation, how you contextualize your burdens, how to view yourself. You can't force this on people; there will just be people who can't help but move you forward if you are willing to grow, to show kindness, to show up for the things you value. It cannot always be night.

@1unsung971

Жыл бұрын

@@jonbastion8727 Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to respond. I hope you are is a good space. My misanthropy keeps me safe .

I remember always having a sneaking suspicion that something was wrong as a kid, although I couldn't figure out why. I remember talking about it to adults around me (including therapists) and everyone would seemingly dismiss my feelings and either tell me that I was exaggerating things or that my parents loved me very much and I just have to try harder. My parents never laid a hand on me either, which made it so much harder to prove both to myself and others that they were the problem. 10 years ago, I more or less ran away from home because I felt like I wouldn't survive much longer if I stayed where I was. I've gotten so much crap for doing that, not just from my mother but from others as well who have labeled me selfish and kept insisting that my parents love me very much and I just have to try harder. A couple of years later, I stumbled across a video here on KZread about maternal narcissistic abuse and suddenly everything fell into place. I still remember that moment of realization just as clearly as if it happened yesterday. It was like someone had lifted a mountain off of my shoulders. I just cried for hours. I'm still working on my recovery, but there is no way I would have been where I am today if I hadn't have stumbled across that video and learned that it wasn't my fault. It makes me incredibly sad to think that there are others that go their whole lives never learning this lesson.

That’s why you have to not just love yourself, but reward yourself every day for the rest of your life for suffering in the hands of unloving parents. You now deserve all the happiness in the world for paying that price. Go for it.

No matter how damaged you are, you can heal! You may not have good enough parents but you can always reparent yourself, take care of yourself and talk good about yourself. You did not have a choice when you were young but you have a choice now. Your feeling is valid even when you feel sad when your candy fell to the ground. Sadness is real. Feeling changes and won't last forever.

@snaxicakes

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you ❤️ 😪

@yogaradeva9848

3 жыл бұрын

thanks, such nice words,,, really appreciated it

@mink_kim

3 жыл бұрын

This is really encouraging. Thank you for sharing these kind words.

@TJ-kz1ul

3 жыл бұрын

thank you, I really appreciate this. It is very helpful to me. I have started to tell myself frequently, you didn't deserve the beatings you received, you didn't deserve the harsh words, the mocking of your feelings, the expectation to parent your parents. I am reparenting myself in the way I deserved when I was a small child. I'm actually going to copy your kind words into my jouranl so they can be a constant reminder to me.

@r1shim

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks🙂

This is very true when your parents abuse you as a child you blame yourself then abuse yourself by being in abusive relationships

@cynicalmushroom

3 жыл бұрын

A million times this

@EzequielMartin55vf

3 жыл бұрын

Yes and omg lts so hard to leave and walk away.

@sekoaib

3 жыл бұрын

@@EzequielMartin55vf it's a mission

@justawlwwholikesshygirls5704

2 жыл бұрын

@@EzequielMartin55vf sure it is when you're being blackmailed

This hits too close. Early on when I was an infant, my mom used to leave me at daycare to go to work. Then, later on, for my care, she hired a male caregiver who sexually abused me daily for 3 years(7 to 10 years old) as she used to return home at 8 p.m. He used to have his way with me and I thought that it was something all kids went through, that it was a part of daily life. He wasn't reported. And I was told by her that "it's okay" after he was removed from my care. I believed her, didn't have the capacity to understand what had happened. Then followed bullying and physical assaults in teenage years (11 to 16 yrs old, name calling "defective piece" by schoolmates, physical attacks in tuition because of simple mistakes). Apart from this, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 2 yrs old, hypothyroid at 3 yrs old. Then came Hypertension at 17, depression, generalised and social anxiety at 15. Currently I am 25 (just got into therapy 2 months ago). Kept all of it inside and didn't tell her because she used to be busy and it was instilled in me that I was 'strong'. She kept saying it to me since early childhood. My dad was in the army so he wasn't around, only came twice a year for a month, and still they used to fight every time. She also has type 1 diabetes so I had to care for her whenever she got sick cause no one else was around. My father just used to get angry whenever she got sick and didn't help at all. Now I am at the point in my life that I just don't care whether I live or die, have no hope and just going with the flow whether it kills or not, I don't care. My self image is so distorted that I believe from my core that I don't deserve love. Keeping everything inside because I have trust issues with her (she reacts very negatively to my problems), my dad, friends, everyone. Never been in a relationship till now and I don't think I ever will. Any positive thing that someone says to me feels to me like they are lying, and I get so frustrated with it. I can't bring myself to feel anything positive about myself, all I see are flaws inside me. During college, I started self harm before every lecture for 3 years just to get into the mindset of studying and completing subjects on time. Still I did complete college and got a degree (B. Tech in IT). And I have a dog (1 year old) that I have been caring for the past year and he is the light of my life, but I still can't feel love from him or from anyone in that matter. I am unable to feel love from others while I constantly try to help everyone in my day to day life.

@olentangyriver1191

3 ай бұрын

Hugs, I'm so sorry

When I was a young child I thought maybe someday I should write a book about my childhood because people should know about my negative and unjust experiences growing up. As an adult I see that my experience was a cakewalk compared to so many others. Still sucked tho.

Don't jump to forgiveness if you don't genuinely feel it. Allow yourself to be angry at them, take your time and transit childhood pain. (I'm at this point now, just share in case it's useful for someone)

@lostinthecosmos6095

2 жыл бұрын

Needed this. Thank you.

@monslay5624

2 жыл бұрын

I'm having a hard time forgiving my dad. He left me a message saying "Please forgive me for whatever I did to you". I translate that to mean that he isn't truly sorry, acknowledging or accepting responsibility for what he did and he KNOWS exactly what it is (the whole community knows), but rather wanting me to dismiss it. I needed to see your statement;...so thank you.

@Riyaz313

2 жыл бұрын

Hmm

@sleepy_boi7552

Жыл бұрын

tbh i want to forgive them if for a single condition for them to fully take accountability on what they did to me and to truly strive to be better sadly that won't come and the feeling of vindication that i would have gotten might never come since they're already old and for their belief what i have is somehow fucking normal like you just can't argue with old fucks they live on a different timeline where how they live and their morals are still relevant even though it's sorely outdated and that locking your child in a bathroom with no lights for hours is an actual crime and abuse and is basically solitary confinement lite edition

@ceej206

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much

I was destroyed by my mother. As a girl she hated the fact that I was female like her. She loved my younger brother the golden child. She became jealous when I turned out to be 6inches taller than her, looked like my father’s family and was 20kilos less in weight. I still struggle with the effects of her hate, I relapse into using substances as a way to kill the pain. I do try to love myself but the emotional deprivation was too great . Sometimes I have peace. I loathe her, always did. Saw through her from an early age.

@sunshine9122

2 жыл бұрын

You are a valuable person with a meaningful life. I hope you are one day able to stop the substances. When you're ready to quit, please seek help such as AA, NA, counseling, etc. Sending you a big hug.❤

@rahxeira

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you, I had a jealous mother and I am absolutely disgusted by her behavior.

@trixiec3951

2 жыл бұрын

My mother was also jealous and controlling. She made it clear she hated me, I was her only daughter. She would tell me how she wished I'd been a boy & that I was messed up & no one would ever want me. I realised later in life that she was describing herself, not me. She was only happy when she made me miserable. Nothing was ever good enough for her. I cut contact with her 24 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. If your parents are treating you like this, you have every right to cut them out of your life.

@steinarjonsson_

Жыл бұрын

​@@sunshine9122 You say that as if the drugs are the source of her problems... Sometimes drugs (including illicit ones) are actually a valuable coping mechanism. They don't solve people's problems, but they do offer temporary relief which is often what people need to get through tough times. The most important thing for her to focus on is sorting out the family issues that causes her suffering, not to take away the drugs that provide her with relief.

@aleksandra_jesus

Жыл бұрын

*I forgive everyone who has harmed me in this life or in any other life that I have lived. I forgive them and release them and let them go. AND I forgive myself for anyone I have harmed in this life or in any other life in any way at all. I forgive, release it and let it go* ♥️

I'm in my 40s. I recently had a conversation with my mother where she mentioned that she always hugged and kissed us as children. I don't remember that childhood. I know that if I told her otherwise, she wouldve screamed and cried. I left it alone.

@oldman4595

Жыл бұрын

My family always did uncomfortable forced hugs when departing from visits. You know the kind - stiff, distanced, with pats on the back. There were no other hugs and never kisses. I made the mistake of saying once that I was never told I was loved. Now (after almost 60 years) it is said in an off-handed way at the end of phone conversations, and it is even more uncomfortable than the forced stiff hugs. I wish I'd never mentioned it.

It sucks to be born to parents that don’t accept you. I always feel like I’m in an alternate dimension, and just popped into this reality knowing no one, or that I have amnesia and can’t find my family because i don’t know them, since they can’t accept who I have become. I look to external sources of validation, and feel some abstract connection that is both some what real, by more a product of my imagination to the culture that my parents came from. Which can feel odd at times

The older I get (36) and the more I understand the more horrified I am of my own childhood. After watching this video (thank you!) the one memory I clearly remember from my early childhood, between 3-6 I guess, is a memory of pain. I remember I was standing at the front door of our appartment with my mother, ready to go out somewhere. I don't know what it was, but something upset me and I started to cry. Something us adults usually pay no attention to, but for my little self it was important. I clearly remember the thoughts I had. I couldn't stop crying, it was not the first time that it happend and I thought "please, mom, don't say it", but she did. She said, no, she yelled "STOP CRYING!". And I cryed even more, totally confused why she said it again, wondering why she did not understand that this command made me cry even more, unable to say anything. That I couldn't stop crying, because I had no idea how to stop that massive force coming out from my heart and lungs that I didn't understand why it was there in the first place. As I said, I don't remeber the cause of it. All I do remember more than 30 years later is that painful command that made everything worse. Please, dear parents who read this, when your children cry whatever you do next, do it with love, show your love to your child. It doesn't matter if the cause is an insect sitting on their shoes, if they bumped into a door or if their favourite strawberry fell into the dirt. Show them emotionaly that you are there for them no matter what. But never, never, never, never, never, NEVER, NEVER, N E V E R yell at them and tell them to "stop crying"!! You can't extinguish a fire with gasoline.

@NSG0079

2 жыл бұрын

I see this in public and I just want to look the parent in the eye and say "Did it work when your mother told YOU to just 'Stop crying'?! No, it obviously made it worse and now you're doing the same thing." Unfortunately, the sad reason that they're doing it to their own children is because they literally have no model of behavior other than their own terrible parents. And thus, the cycle continues for another generation :(

@Bevity

2 жыл бұрын

Oh you mean it stopped when your mother yelled at you to stop crying? She didn't also yell that she would give you something to cry about? And she didn't follow through with it? Come to think of it, the reason I cried at all was because she had beat me yet again. Different scenario... but the road to fear and pain began when I was just 2 weeks old. I know because she would tell people that I needed to be slapped when I was 2 weeks old because I was spoiled. It only went downhill from there.... I do have early memories. I have NEVER felt loved.

@Pyraus

Жыл бұрын

thankyou for that share, heartbreaking.

@gojiberry7201

Жыл бұрын

I called my mom once in tears to tell her I needed to talk about something important (I was in my 40s). She yelled, "SHIT!" in response

@ttgyuioo

Жыл бұрын

I was 5 years old and I already knew you don't cry in front of someone....me, a little 5 year old kid.

Absolutely. As a pediatrician, I see this every day. We are primed for connection, and the security of that earliest attachment shapes the landscape of our subconscious.

@patriciatoth7715

3 жыл бұрын

When I learned that the subconscious mind has no sense of time, the disconcerting memories are not as painful as they once were.

@AskDoctorAmy

3 жыл бұрын

@@patriciatoth7715 So true. The mind does all kinds of tricky things to protect itself, but the separation/suppression can sometimes obstruct healing.

@patriciatoth7715

3 жыл бұрын

@@AskDoctorAmy Since when does everything get healed? Lol... My comment was based. Said by a doctor, like you. Rather than dismiss it as a mind trick, its valid.

@tinkerbellys

2 жыл бұрын

@@patriciatoth7715 you can do EMDR therapy, tapping, breathing exercises. Releases painful memories in our subconscious and trapped in our bodies. I also enjoy spirituality to help heal myself, and psychedelics. I don’t see how the Doctor’s comments invalidated what you said but I want to let you know you can heal, and it can make you stronger than you ever thought you could be

@KM-bn7dg

2 жыл бұрын

I always wondered, as a child .. and now still that I’m 25.. but can outsiders and health professionals tell when a child is detached from / afraid of their parent? Even if the parent keeps up a real friendly act for the public?

My grandmother was an incredibly cold person to her children, she made sure they were fed and clothed, but barely showed any affection or even celebrated their achievements. All her 4 children tried to break this cycle, but in some capacity every one of them failed and either became substance-abuser, drastically shortening their lifespan, or didn’t love their own offspring enough. My mum was charmed incredibly by me while I was an infant and a little toddler, but after we moved house a few times and our life difficulties compounded, I was basically left on my own since 5 years old and during most of my school years. Now I want to break this cycle the second time around and hope I can do my best to love my own children dearly and fully

Thank you for a very insightful video. Now that I'm a senior adult, not a day goes by that I don't hate myself and, at the core, is hating myself because I don't know who I am or who I was. I was a very angry child because I was prevented from being happy by constant, unending criticism and invasive, and without any boundaries, behaviour from my mother. I TRIED to seek help over the years, but the best a therapist saw ( in my thirties) was that I was very immature. My mother instructed my father to stop hugging me once I stared school at 5 yrs. old . Up to then, only he and his mother ( grandmother lost early) were the only ones to touch me affectionately. My mother's mother was my caregiver ( I am the oldest of three )and idolized the ground my mother walked on. EVERYONE thought I was a problem, misfit, had terrible issues, etc. Yes, I tried to commit suicide three times, over dosed, became an addict and continue to be a functioning addict who self-medicates..............WHY? Was I SO worthless? Because my (late) mother had been a doctor and, compared to her, I was worthless. Kudos to those who have been able to, at least, regain even a small sense of self-worth. I wish I had been able to!

The feelings don’t just materialize out of nowhere. My parents knew that they were angry, lacking, aloof and they chose to put the blame on my shoulders like the cowards they are. They projected the shame onto me that their parents put on them because they didn’t want to face what I’m facing now- choosing self responsibility as parent I get to suffer again while I struggle to break the cycle I never chose.

Idk why but everytime I watch videos like this, I feel guilty for admitting that I felt neglected during my childhood but deep down I know my parents went to so much hardship and they tried their best, still it can't be denied that if they gave me more love, I would be able to love myself and love others now.

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah I feel the same way too. It's like battling with love and hate towards my parents.....But I know deep down love always wins because I can't really put all the blame to them. They are after all victims of generational trauma.

@gorillazgirl2124

2 жыл бұрын

Feel the exact same way. They did the best they could with what they knew, and if they knew that invalidating my emotions would harm me so greatly, it probably would have never happened. Now though, I'm just picking up pieces. Trying to stop being such a ball of anxiety and insecurity.

@fleurmal7648

2 жыл бұрын

Same, I understand my dad had his own mental health struggles and both parents had to work a lot to take care of 4 kids and I am grateful for them, but I do know that lots of the problems my siblings and I struggle with have to do with their non-affectionate and emotionally neglectful parenting. I think mom wanted to do more for us but wasn't sure how and my dad is kind of anti-doctor so didn't support her in getting us help 😕

@user-vr2hy7tb4i

2 жыл бұрын

Having their own struggles doesn't diminish the pain they inflicted on you. You can be compassionate towards their life experience and understand where their behavior comes from, but never try to justify it. Do your best to forgive them, if you can, but don't be afraid to call them our either. People should be held responsible for the things they did, especially if it caused someone pain. The tricky part is, if you try to let them walk free, the only person left there to blame is you. And you don't wanna go there.

@kevinrussell6530

2 жыл бұрын

I like what they say (or used to say) in 12 step programs about parents. "Mistakes were made, but they did the best they could."

And no matter how much therapy, counselling, you receive, or how much medication you swallow, the self hate never leaves your soul.

@denisek292

8 күн бұрын

You’re absolutely correct, and I’m deeply sorry you had horrible parents, too. My daughter thinks therapy will make me “get over” how abusive my parents were/are after 53 years. It doesn’t work that way, does it?

It took me more than 30 years to understand that it wasn't me. But now at 40 i still can't shake the self hatred

As a child I often felt neglected and not able to receive love. As if there was something wrong with me. All those times I was manipulated by a narcissist. This led to self-hatred and disconnection. I am now aware of the situation in my childhood and I know I have the power within me to heal this wound. The only way to heal is to first become aware and go deep within. If you do not take care of your wounds, you will bleed onto others.

@planetruther

Жыл бұрын

💯🎯. I was also raised by a grandiose narcissist single mother.

@nigelpierre1991

Жыл бұрын

The Greek word for wounds is "Trauma". Luke 10:34

My parents grew up with the idea that "Children must be seen and not heard" and then it passed on to me 😔 My feelings got ignored because they believed there's no reason why I should be crying. I misbehaved when they did that which I was then punished for. Now I hide my feelings with a desperation to be understood. I felt I needed to gain their approval & that there was something wrong with me, not them. Its like you cant blame the parents for what their parents did for what their parents did! It's like upbringing methods get passed down from generation to generation and nobody is questioning their parenting habits to break the cycle.

@lm7092

3 жыл бұрын

That’s wasn’t just your parents it was all the generations in the western world. Perhaps that’s why our culture is so cruel. Millions of people justified taking little children from their parents over border crossings.

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

My parents are like this too! It's a shaming cycle being passed down because we were taught not to question our parents. Our parents are oppressing us!!!

@BlueMoonKSB

2 жыл бұрын

I'm absolutely breaking the cycle by not having any children myself. I can't bear the thought of doing the same things to an innocent being who didn't ask to ne here as my parents did to me.

@comealongcomealong4480

2 жыл бұрын

@Charlotte I use those words as well > "breaking the cycle". Talking with my cousin over many years - between both our memories, we can see a clearer picture of our family's patterns. I'm proud of her when she can "break the pattern". Keeping Big Secrets and Controlling Information was a strong pattern in our family.

The best part is we are TALKING about this right now! This is the best time in the history of humankind. We are able to put these very very deep and difficult concepts into words !! Im so thankful to be present now! Seriously! And this actually enables me not only to heal myself but to be a better adult to my child ❤

I grew up taking care of my twin baby siblings, they're the best. taught me a lot in life and I love them

Tip for prospective parents: get a pet (dog, cat, rabbit etc) to see if you have any nurturing instincts and patience. Not everyone has those qualities and that’s ok. Being a parent is a choice not an obligation.

@MsBluebot

Жыл бұрын

Ya and be a decent person and give the animal to someone who can look after it if you can’t.

@noone.1989

2 ай бұрын

they never want to have a pet coz they think it would be a burden on them just like I am.

@pastsubstance2930

2 ай бұрын

Anyone who would be willing to take this advice would already most likely be a good parent on their own because they care enough to do better. My parent would never dare research trying to be a good parent or even do some self reflection as an adult. There’s all kinds of knowledge out there in the world and somehow it never comes to them because they’re never open to hearing it.

i see this as a pattern within our families. my mom and her siblings weren't brought up by any other parents. they both died early. that's why they realized early on their childhood the harsh realities of the world and did carry some issues when they become parents. i saw these patterns of my uncles having many wives, my aunts became single parent after their husband left their family for another, and my mom being physically and mentally abusive to us, her children. somehow, this is what i would consider a generational curse. i promise to myself that even though i have suffered too much from my mom, i realize that she too was just a product of not having a parent to provide for. i kinda feel sorry for her tho, idk if what i feel even is empathy. i am working on forgiving her and moving out soon. once i become a mom, i promise i would work on all of my issues before having a child and i wont become like my mother so that the generational curse will finally be done. I WILL STOP IT

@nviclash

3 жыл бұрын

I wish you the very best of luck.

@ashantiberenice5798

3 жыл бұрын

@@nviclash i am grateful for your kind message, sir. i also wish you good luck. ✨

@nviclash

3 жыл бұрын

@@ashantiberenice5798 thank you. I think I'll need that luck because i wanna do the same. Dealing with my own inner demons before attaching another person's life to mine.

@ashantiberenice5798

3 жыл бұрын

@@nviclash 💖💖💖

@blackfeathers2166

3 жыл бұрын

That Ashanti, is the kindest and most brave thing you can do! Break the cycle, and bring balance to the world. I believe there is still hope. Many of the newer generations are realizing this and swearing the oath to change, to be better. Thanks for learning and being a better person.

As a child of two parents who were neglected during their childhoods and was also neglected because those parents had no idea how to show love or affection this video made me realize how much good parenting matters because as I was watching this I had the realization that all the problems they listed off in the video I struggled with at some point in life and still do with some of them

You gotta fight. You've gotta love yourself, because the truth is nobody cares about you. So you have to be selfish and love and care for yourself. I was told I was unwanted, to my face. Oh well, still gotta get through this thing we call life. Not saying it's easy, but really you have no choice. Love yourself.

@rickturnr

3 ай бұрын

Well said

@rabbitcreative

2 ай бұрын

Way to advocate for the status-quo. How brave of you.

My parents worked a lot and were never home. They went as far as to have another family member move in to take care of us (put us to bed, feed us, take us to school etc) I have a really close relationship with this family member - love her like a mom. This really hit home. To this day my parents focus on the material things they gave us. All I wanted was for them to be around and show interest in me. I still feel like I am always seeking their love. I have two kids and I try my hardest to spend quality time with them and let them know they are loved. It’s a struggle to try to improve myself to make sure my kids have a good example. Watching these videos helps with my self awareness.

@eviegirlfl

3 жыл бұрын

That's how they perceive their love by being a provider. They didn't know any better.

@vicster3758

3 жыл бұрын

@@eviegirlfl Thanks Evelyn. I do realize that they showed their love with material stuff because they didn’t have that growing up ❤️

@donmarteng7646

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate 100%, my parents are both doctors and they worked all the bloody time leaving me with old nannys or alone at an early age. In contrary to you I made these peoples life hell and scaring away one after the other, only needed to please my parents. Im 31 now and working on my own goals, recovering. Still missing focus and passion in life, but the explanation for my problem also resolved the depressive feelings. Always had all the financial support and never had any emotional, now Im learning to love myself and everything around me. Its a great journey! Wishing you all the best!

@vicster3758

3 жыл бұрын

@@donmarteng7646 wishing you the best as well!

@andrewdunne4713

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds exactly like my own circumstances

This is exactly what I’m going through right now it’s gotten so bad I almost admitted myself. You feel like you don’t belong in this world when you have parents like this.

@trixiec3951

2 жыл бұрын

But you do being here, even though it really doesn't feel like that most of the time. It takes such a long time to work through it. I built a great relationship with my Dad as an adult & he knew that his parenting was really poor, even though he thought he was doing the right thing. My mother, on the other hand refused to acknowledge she was the reason for the parental alienation towards my dad, wasn't interested in her children at all, she neglected us & beat us but told us those things never happened to us!! I had to cut contact with her 25 years ago or I would never have recovered from the trauma. Join a support group, speak to your friends, see a therapist. You are not alone & I promise you will get through it 🥰

it is a deep empty sadness in the pit of your stomach.... the knowledge that everybody failed an innocent child that still cries alone and wonders what is wrong with them... i dont know how to pacify the little girl and convince her that it definitely was not her fault :(

Thank you, this channel, for being brave and caring enough to come straight out and say these things. Most people self-censor and avoid “going there” and acknowledging the blunt truth about bad parents. You are providing an incredible help to many formerly abused and neglected children to be able to find validation which is a crucial prerequisite of healing. Thank you for speaking truth to power.

"wE gAvE yOu LiFe sO yOu sHoUlD bE gRaTeFuL! wE gAvE yOu fOoD aNd ShElTeR sO yOu'Re ObLiGeD tO pAy uS bAcK!" Ah, "good" parents. Always using that to make their child do whatever they want

@dansmith4984

3 жыл бұрын

This, simply this

@FireTheWolf

3 жыл бұрын

that's your damn responsibility. If that's how you think then you've never grown up - thinking that you could have just walked away from the consequence of your own action is simply the proof that you're still a selfish, angsty, young teen, who thinks the world will bow to you. That's what I think every time I hear this. Thank you for pretending to be mature? The bar is low.

@LanAnh-jl3tc

3 жыл бұрын

@@FireTheWolf what action may I ask?

@Nurunigo

3 жыл бұрын

@@FireTheWolf What’s immature is expecting your kids to bow to you forever when you chose to have kids and did what a parent is supposed to do.

@vaguebrownfox

3 жыл бұрын

​@@FireTheWolf I read this couple of times and can't make any sense, can you elaborate?

My parents are pretty strict, so that I can cope up with the real and cruel world. But eventually my home has become a battlefeild for me and i wanna escape to the real world.

@words007

3 жыл бұрын

I am not having children, thank you world and my parents for this realisation, I can't stand to be a parent like them. funny thing is my father has accomplished more then any previous man in his family same with my mother, If I look at them from outsiders perspective. So many fake friends it's ridicules, but not a single real friend. More time for outsiders then you own children.

@pamelalundgren8163

3 жыл бұрын

Newsflash: Have you heard about the war in the Middle East?! The "real world" is a battlefield as well! That's why 'Home Sweet Home" is so important to me, a place of safety after living with parents with whom you never knew what horrendous thing was going to happen next.

So, so well explained. Anyone on here that is trying to heal from childhood trauma, I am sending you lots of well wishes. You’ve got this. X

The hardest part is the time lost in our early adulthood not only in figuring that part out (childhood deprivation) but not realizing how it impacts our ability to love others and find purpose in our own lives. Parents can cause children to waste their lives from realizing their own childhood potential and personal success in life.

I had a panic attack watching this :( Oh man this hard. I remember getting constantly grounded for crying and questioning authority and was responded that I was talking back.

@patriciatoth7715

3 жыл бұрын

You aren't alone... Sounds like my youth also. The subconscious mind has no sense of time so those creepy memories need to get kicked to the curb... no matter how hard that sounds. Took decades for me to get to that point. Love your life!

THIS strikes home. This resonated with me, so deeply. I'm an old man now, but the damage done, continues. I was unloved, as a child and I feel unloveable, still. I'm from a time, when such things, in children, were ignored! Kids cry, if they cry a lot (Are depressed) they gave them something to really cry about! You were strong and healthy, or you were...tolerated. As a kid, I was neither healthy or strong...

@luciedelacy9933

3 жыл бұрын

Ah dear Jerry, I hear you. I am sending you lots and lots of love and blessings from Australia.... and want you to know that you are a valuable irreplaceable human being who has managed to maintain his own sense of being able to be kind and intelligent enough to 'unpack' all this - to understand that what you grew up with was SO much less than you deserved. Find and follow the things and people that / who bring you joy - don't settle, no matter what. That is the promise I made to myself after a horrific childhood and I realised that every little decision I make is a new choice - and I keep choosing more joy... and you know what? It works. bit by bit - like putting a few drops of water into a glass until it is full. Give yourself all the things (praise etc) that you never had - tell other people how amazing and appreciated they are... eventually, it avalanches into more and more great stuff. You can do this - you got this :) xx

@jerrypadilla4384

3 жыл бұрын

@@luciedelacy9933 Thnx

@sunshine9122

2 жыл бұрын

God bless you, Jerry. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you a big hug.❤

@jerrypadilla4384

2 жыл бұрын

@@sunshine9122 Thank you. I grew up, with hugs... ...but now, hugs make me uncomfortable. But the sentiment is appreciated.

@joelhassig6099

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds a lot like my own childhood. I'm 50 now.

This makes a lot of sense. I was neglected by by parents. (They were artsy hippies who never wanted to work. They just wanted to drink/smoke and feel good all the time.) They expected me to learn everything on my own. They didn't let me starve or anything, but... they liked the idea of a child, but weren't willing to try any harder for anything. I used to go for walks. As a kid I loved to go adventuring, but I was safe. Never bothered my parents. One time, I went on a walk with a neighbor's kid, and the kid wasn't supposed to leave the block. His father was upset with me and my dad, so my Dad beat me mercilessly for the first time, ever. (I had NO idea what was wrong.) years later, I'm getting on a plane around age 14- not my first time on a plane, but my first time alone on a plane. I started crying uncontrollably, and DIDN'T KNOW WHY. My mother says to me, "What's THE MATTER WITH YOU!? You're acting like a baby!" (I know now that I was terrified to leave for fear of getting hit again.) I'm in my thirties, and to this day, I sometimes have trouble leaving the house for anywhere new. I liked doing theater as a kid, but my folks didn't care what I did. My parents did theater. i was doing theater to get closer to them. I worked my way from bit parts to leading roles. I'd invite my folks to come see a play i was proud of, and my mom would say, "Call me when you get a bigger role." So, I did. She left at intermission. her excuse was, "I get it." But, at least my folks introduced me to drugs, right!? They didn't mind DOING DRUGS with their teenaged son! Gee, I wonder why evertyhing got screwed up!? The people who were supposed to be my theater friends, peers, my 'new' family, all made fun of me and constantly knocked me down, partly because I had zero self-confidence. All through middle school till college, it was the same back-stabbing, fair-weather friends and jealous jerks. (to be fair, that's just the theater crowd, heh.) But it didn't help. Apparently, I was very handsome, attractive, talented, and charming from late high school till,... now. I didn't know it. I thought I was fat, ugly, and talentless. I had body dis-morphia, and never felt comfortable taking off my clothes in front of people, because I was always a bit pudgy and people used to ALWAYS call me out on it when I was young. My mom left me with my grandparents, who just fed me whatever. then, she says to her 10 year old son, "Why are you so FAT!?" So, of course, I dated PLENTY of manipulative, selfish, mean women just like my mom. Every one of them broke me down and pushed me around even more, just because I wasn't the cute TYPE-A personality they expected. Now, I'm filled with doubt, anger, sadness, and I feel like I missed all the good years of my life. The disdain I have for society in general, is maddening. I felt like I just let everyone down. Everything was always MY fault. MY mistakes. MY lack of understanding. I'm a self-hating narcissist, as you can see by how much I talk about myself. Maybe I barely had a chance. I nknow I need therapy, and I can reasonably deduce that I may have some version of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I'm not a violent person, but I get SO ANGRY, SO FAST. I fly off the handle, and if I don't start screaming until I'm hoarse, I start weeping uncontrollably. I still hit things. I've never hit a person or animal. Just walls, doors, and stuff. Lotta holes in my walls, and my knuckles are permanently bruised. There are more good days than bad, recently. Part of that is my fantastic fiance, but I don't want to be co-dependent on her. Digging all of this up on my own is a good start, now how do I get over it? -If you're still reading this crazy babble, thank you for your time.

@rawan5809

Жыл бұрын

You seem like a nice person, I don’t know u and I don’t know where you are from but I can see the good in you , I absolutely encourage you to find some help in real life it’s better to be therapy, and I hope the best for you darling ❤❤❤

God bless all of you and i believe that every soul is pristine and sublime. The world is a rough place for children and I grew up with a father who absolutely detested me and would explode and treat me like shit and laugh about and explode into fits of enraged anger. I have come along way in life with meditation, therapy, getting a degree, starting a business training in jujitsu and muy thai. I have never had a romantic relationship in my life, no kids and I’m 47. It’s been a long lonely life.. I’m hopeful when I die that things will make more sense. My heart has been hurt but I never have turned into the angry hurtful person. I try to smile and give love to everyone especially children. My heart goes out to anyone who has this difficulty durring their developmental years. I love you and wish you peace ❤

Just right after I cried the whole night because of this topic

@mikat688

3 жыл бұрын

Stay strong! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger !

@asgarazwad8724

3 жыл бұрын

Hey! I hope you're doing good now! Please know that you're not alone.

@neptune0909

3 жыл бұрын

Stay strong! *sending virtual hugs *

@alanissalazarlatin9518

3 жыл бұрын

Sending you a tight hug❤️

@jewlzn7130

3 жыл бұрын

Sending you hugs 🤗. Its never too early to seek counseling also. I'm working through my years of childhood trauma.

After my parents died, I was given a box of stuff which contained birthday cards/mother's day cards/xmas cards etc that I had given to my mum in my childhood. So many of them had messages I'd written in them saying things like 'I'm sorry I am so hard to put up with', 'I will try to be better this year' etc. It never changed anything, nothing was ever said about them. I found it nauseating reading them, I think I destroyed them (it was over 20 years ago).

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

Omg that's so sad........I hope you've been seeing a therapist to help you with this.....

@iklijkwelgekmetmijneigennaam

2 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain, that is just awful. I hope you are loved now.And even more, I hope you love yourself.

@kidlifecrisis9927

2 жыл бұрын

😭😭😭heartbreaking

@mochiluv9451

2 жыл бұрын

I also wrote cards to my mom like that and then I stopped

My mom never hugged me, vocalized her love for me, made me do chores if I wanted food, beat me upside the head when I acted out of line, now I’m completely self efficient, responsible, and I’m not needy or high maintenance in my personal relationships thanks mom!

This video was painful for me to watch. I felt that my parents did their best but at the same time, I didn't really feel that deep connection that I wish we had. Now as an adult, I deal with things the best I can but I pray all children receive the love and care they deserve as innocents brought into this harsh world.

Or the parents gaslight the kids when the child questions them.

@klaudinegarcia8932

3 жыл бұрын

Subconcious gaslighting. My parents do that often.....

@coolfer2

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, when we call out their mistakes or inconsistencies, they will always blame something else, never themselves. And when they run out stuff to blame on, they DENY strongly, and even question back when did they ever do wrong.

@eyerorrim7283

3 жыл бұрын

@@klaudinegarcia8932 more and more I think about how they themselves have a wounded inner child. You dont have to care fore theirs, because its more important you care for your own. But when I saw my father having a tantrum because I felt mistreated and voiced it, I saw a young boy being mistreated by his father.

@jenniferbell4571

3 жыл бұрын

@@coolfer2 I usually hear, "I don't remember it that way."

@barrytheplumber4145

2 жыл бұрын

the only memories I have of my father..are mostly him questioning my thoughts or opinions I shared with him. It's surreal to doubt even your own self more often than not, from early teenage yrs. onwards...

100% correct. My father abandoned me when I was a baby. He would periodically return into my life for the next 35 years to commit abuses upon me until I disowned him. He is an malignant narcissist obsessed with money, power, and possessions. Took me forever to see this about him, and to see where my shame, guilt, and hatred of myself came from. Please, if you are not 100% into raising a child you created to be a functional/happy human being then do not have children.

I had a dad who didn't do anything to help anyone in our family let alone raise me. He's famous for not intervening when an older girl was molesting me as a child and instead acted proud of it. You can imagine the damage this has done to me. A mom who claims I was a mistake and whos angry screaming still rings in my ears and haunts me to this day. She also physically provoked me to hit her back so she could call the cops and be done with me but I never did. I couldn't fathom all the ways she was wicked to me until much later in life. Repressed it all. She kicked me out when I turned 18 anyways and I ended up homeless for a spell. I can't believe I'm still alive. 3 different suicide attempts (a long time ago and I'm good now) that I'm lucky I somehow survived. I've since found a source of unconditional love and I'm forever grateful I woke up on this rock to experience it, even if it was those two monsters that brought me here. If I can make it, you can make it. Never lose your inner child. Nourish it like your parents never did. Life can be enjoyed.

This channel is a blessing 🌻💗

@porandogo

3 жыл бұрын

🧡

@kevinkibet2335

3 жыл бұрын

Story dark tho

@AninditaaD

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed.

@anac.mezynski8451

3 жыл бұрын

From an atheist creator of the channel and it makes a lot of sense!!! Everytime I watch one of the videos.

@Starlightskipper

3 жыл бұрын

🧡

Just divorced a man, self hating and emotionally crippled by a on the surface functioning but icecold mother and a bullying father. I cannot believe this video just came up 😞

@brigh12

3 жыл бұрын

My ex had a very toxic and cold mother and an abusive father. He was targeted more than the rest of his siblings and they all sort of hate him and look down on him as well. I love the guy but he really needs to look inside and figure out himself before he can have relationships.

@g.hansen1561

3 жыл бұрын

@@brigh12 same here. I love my ex too, but I can't save him. Only he can do that.

@michaelrobertson5913

3 жыл бұрын

Hang in there brother... better days are ahead

@drknow1997

3 жыл бұрын

Yup I’m divorcing someone just the same . Very sad.

@sophialente

3 жыл бұрын

I wish you the best!!

When I was teen my moms ex husband was choking me on the floor threatening to end my life and my baby sister said “daddy please don’t kill my sister I’ll be good”. She was crying and pleading and it breaks me heart that she thought she was to blame, she was maybe 3-4 years old at time. Many parents mine included do not deserve to have children.

My grandmother raised my brother during his early years(she's a pediatrician, amazing with children). My parents raised me(dad is bipolar, extremely violent, and a narcissist) We're both sharp guys, but my bro able to have fun and love himself, and I'm a depressed addict.

I feel suicidal because of this. My parents were never actually parents, and it’s bad, both sides of my family are like ‘this’ so I’m alone. It’s really hard to want to be in this world when you weren’t wanted and don’t have a support system. It’s like, I never asked to be born but now I’m here and I just have to deal with it on top of having to deal with the effects of trauma, and my body being damaged by it to the point I’m no longer functional according to society’s expectations. Life hasn’t been enjoyable because most of the things that make life enjoyable isn’t taking into consideration of those who have cptsd. Of course this is my experience, there’s people who’ve gone through a shit load of trauma and still enjoy certain things about life. I’m just sharing what it’s like for me.

@Dreamingwithin

3 жыл бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/Zp6Ltq-Yn5jOeso.html

@musselchee9560

3 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you feel suicidal. Facing your truth will give you the foundation, first by cutting out the BS, to eventually (yeah, its a long slow slog) turn away from what ails you. This stranger would like to ask you to continue your restless, hard but necessary search for self worth. Please don't give up due to what someone else done to you. I always thought I suffered from PTSD til I learned my case was worse with the addition of C. C, imo and painful experience makes it more specific to my childhood trauma. After many lost and lonely years C was a revelation to me. It raised more questions for which I'd grown acustomed to looking into every nook and cranny, leaving no stone unturned for answers, to what I now know as my existence. I've had moments of epiphany. Now I have existentialism. For me reading and keeping a diary are just two tools that has helped me over the years to keep the dark thoughts in check. I'm at a stage now where my CPTSD, like my awlful past, is fading to be replaced by visceral feelings of the present and the future. I've surprizingly learned finally that hope is a thing. Live long and prosper.

@sunnyspaces7

3 жыл бұрын

Sorry you feel this way. Keep reading books and watching videos to strengthen your thoughts and outlook on life. Your parents made bad choices but now it is your life you are living. Make good choices to enjoy this life for yourself. Stay away from bad people to...they will just get you in serious trouble and cause more heartache.

@OliverJazzz

3 жыл бұрын

Stay strong, make friends with good people and seek all the help you can get. As an adult, unwanted child of an alcoholic father and depressed mother I can say that it's not going to be easy, but it's worth it. You are worthy, give yourself the help and love you deserve.

@gargimukherjee4090

3 жыл бұрын

@bri, I have never resonated with anyone as much as I did when I read your comment. You know what I really hate about this situation? And I no matter how much I explain what circumstances I have been under, noone else around seems to get them fully. And then they look nervous about coming up with a response about whatever they heard and they say "everything will be fine. Just hang on. you are such a strong person." And they disgust me 😅 I can feel they want to get rid of the situation and of the responsibility of being a friend to a person in this situation. 😅 and these are people I used to think of as a support system because I never got it from my family. It's like they keep repeatedly kicking me in my gut. Making me open up and then leaving me in the my most vulnerable because I am "strong and I can deal with it alone." Sometimes it makes me jealous of people who have comparatively resolved lives. 😅

Being only child and raised by a single mom, who does not show affection in an open way. Clearly did affect my self-confidence not so bad as to hate myself but to feel un sufficient to receive love and true friendship. Anyway therapy has been really good for me and my healing process and I encourage anyone to at least given it a try, it has helped me to understand that my mother has her own problems to deal with.

@ZurditaDinamita

3 жыл бұрын

So related! Only child here, just with both parents (but both absent, so zero parents really). I've had a no-so-healthy partner for years just because I thought that was the treatment I deserved. Luckily, I've found some good persons who showed me their friendship, and support, and help me to recover my self-confidence (+ professional therapy, of course). Reparenting is like magic, simple and clean.

@pricklypear1111

3 жыл бұрын

What type of therapy do you recommend/have you had success with? Do you think online therapy like BetterHelp would help?

@rogeliosantacruz3847

3 жыл бұрын

@@ZurditaDinamita Great to hear that you have had great results and have been able to nourish meaningful relationships. For me, it was a difficult time when I realized that I either start parenting myself or I would continue to live without meaning or purpose, it is difficult but the reward is priceless. Good luck with your journey.

@rogeliosantacruz3847

3 жыл бұрын

@@pricklypear1111 my therapist and I have been using the humanistic approach, to me it has been really effective and I have been treated for a year and a half. I rather choose a presencial session just because to me it is very important to feel confident with the therapist and for me see and hear his reaction of what I am saying in valuable. But if I have to choose between be treated on line or do not receive any kind of counseling, I would choose the online session of course.

@pricklypear1111

3 жыл бұрын

@@rogeliosantacruz3847 thank you for the info. I happy to hear that it is effective for you. I will check it out. Been putting it off for too long

I pushed my self so hard into a career pathway. I just needed the attention. I don’t even want to work in that area anymore.

Watching this video almost made me cry. I struggled for so many years to understand why I was even alive. My mother was very manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive. I remember even as a young child she used to say. You should be grateful for what you have others don't have what you have. Be happy that you are alive and healthy. Now don't get me wrong I can understand material things go a long way in making life better but what I needed and wanted was love. She never ever showed me any affection. The 2 times I remember her telling me she loved me. She was $h!+faced drunk and that was all I ever got. She's responsible for me being a broken person who has been on a journey to recover and repair the damage that was done but it feels like it's a lost cause because I just can't seem to pick up the pieces and fully move on. Everything in life seems to be to hard now and I am ready to move on from this life. Being born is not a gift, living is a gift. You can't live when you can't function correctly. I know I am not equipped to handle a child so I chose not have any kids so that my curse ends with me.

I remember standing in the kitchen of my first year of university, chatting with a few friends. I was by the sink. They were sitting at the two round tables by the windows. I don't remember why the topic came up, but for whatever reason, as I was washing up a cup, it hit me. I'd been neglected. My experience of childhood was quite fundamentally different to those around me. I find it hard to blame my parents. They lost a child when I was around 4. That morning is my earliest memory. I don't think my parents ever got the help they needed. I remember crying when the cbeebies lunchtime jingle came on and I would have to go wake my mother so she could make food for me and my two brothers. I hated doing that. It was a constant feature of my summer holidays as a child. When I was 11, my hair got so matted and had so much lice I ended up having to have it cut off (once the lice was under control.) I've never told anyone this. I always said my hair was short during my teens because I wanted it that way. In fact, it was because it wasn't taken care of. I didn't know how to take care of it. I would often wear the same clothes all week because I didn't have enough clean school uniforms. Sometimes I'd lose bits, but I'd keep quiet about it because I didn't want to cause trouble. The house was a tip as well, could never have anyone over. For many years half my bed was various dirty clothes. Obviously there were the other small things, like never getting help with homework, or being made to feel like any request was too much. I still have trouble accepting gifts, or asking for things I need. I just don't like to impose on people. I hate imposing on people. I've been going through the SoL videos on anxiety and self hatred and I don't think anything has ever spoken to me more. I don't want to give the impression my parents were bad people. They're not. They just don't understand what they did to me.

@dzanegulles

3 жыл бұрын

Most if this I can relate. Especially the trying to solve problems on my own part. And the uncomfy when done a favor to or when recieving a gift. Here's a virtual hug.

My parents loved to remind me of the failure I was, literally everyday, its not even the worse thing. Abuse, violence, blaming me for their own mistakes, I dont even know why I'm writting this tbh. Curious enough, they still think everything is fine and done an amazing job just because they put food at the table or clothing. I think Im just tired, I have two child's and its incredible difficult for me not to ruin their precious innocence with my traumas constantly remind me of this things. I think I'm just tired honestly.

@leonardomoreira3124

2 жыл бұрын

@mz. white - nelligan yeah I question everyday if im doing a good job and I dont even know if im doing actually something positive with them, but at least im with them, playing with them even though im tired all the time, and at least if I screw up in any way I just say that im sorry something that no one has ever done to me. Hope you do well and gain mote strength to keep going.

@synthonaplinth5980

2 жыл бұрын

You are writing this because your parents never loved you enough to listen to or comfort you when you were vulnerable.

@comealongcomealong4480

2 жыл бұрын

@Leonardo Moreira It is possible that your overwhelming Tiredness comes from the different roles you are managing in your life. First and foremost, being a Father - and trying to do your best for your children. But always in the background is 1) the unhealed child Leonardo, who was abused and 2) the angry, dismissed Leonardo, whose parents are unable or unwilling to acknowledge their abusive and violent behaviours as parents./ It may be a new idea for you to look at joining a support group of other men, or seeing a family therapist to gain some extra skills and understanding, and help lighten the burdens and load from your childhood. Your Tiredness may be a sign that your body can't keep going like this for much longer - and there is no shame Leonardo in getting some support. There is no law that says we have to fix everything on our Own. Although most of us stick with that technique until we fall apart from the effort !😦 There is also no harm in showing your children (perhaps when they're older) that their Dad is not a robot. He is always learning new things and growing - just like his kids 👍

@leonardomoreira3124

2 жыл бұрын

@@comealongcomealong4480 thank you kath all yhe best to you 👍

@comealongcomealong4480

2 жыл бұрын

@@leonardomoreira3124 Blessings as you walk your path Leonardo 🌟

I do a lot of inner work, I am in therapy, I have managed to attract and have people in my life who truly love, admire and want me, I myself have become so much more loving towards myself, but some days I mourn. I mourn really hard the fact that I wasn't loved properly. The fact I was treated with such disdain and cruelty, I get really angry, anxious, I feel horrible. If my mother knew half the damage she had done, she would rewrite it all. But she can't and she won't. I am doomed to sometimes fall into this sadness pits as I heal. Part of my healing was understanding that I don't always have to be positive. Sometimes I need to hold space for the immense pain I felt and went through. Sometimes it's okay for me to feel that it was awful and unfair, to feel for myself, to feel angry at the mess that trauma and healing from it can be. I believe that in the path of healing and most importantly feeling, I've found that compassion was something I deeply needed and need. So, if I have to sit and cry and feel miserable I will. This coming from a person who is very often happy and has believed that I should always be happy and positive. No, somedays I feel like shit, and in those days, I will buy myself a chocolate. I will call a friend. Text my therapist. I will give myself what my parents could not provide me, but something I have always been deserving of, even when I feel I'm unworthy of existing. Love.

Finally, now that I am 65, I find the explanation. Thank you.

Any parent was once a child as well and so as their parents. I don’t know if anyone would agree but this is what I realized in my journey, that we exponentially become our parents unless of course we realized that someone needs to stop the awful history; to get out of the loop.

@TangerineTulip

2 жыл бұрын

💯

@questionmark8046

2 жыл бұрын

This is totally true. Someone has to go through the pain to end the loop: heal the traumas and change the future for your kids.