Me: "I'm sorry honey, I was in such a hurry and I fell asleep in your arms." Partner: "Oh so it's my fault?!" 😂😂😂

@rivkacoverdale400

5 жыл бұрын

Yessss. Exactly!

@OvidiuBolocan

4 жыл бұрын

I am actually wondering what should I say if she says that to me afterwards

@rekora1045

4 жыл бұрын

Ovidiu Bolocan how about instead, re evaluate if this guys strategy is as good as he claims it is? I am not saying he’s wrong at least not completely. The point I’m making is, you won’t find anything fool proof, if you are trying to construct solutions to arguments or conflicts before they happen by solely coming up with pre thought answers, is foolish. You won’t always be able to see what’s going on to assess the situation correctly. I Hope you are doing well and in good health.

@ambernicolekrysti7858

4 жыл бұрын

If they were in a hurry how is it possible 2fall asleep???

@pewpewDino

4 жыл бұрын

Fuck

dont say"did i get it?" she just got even more mad

@cdale211989

7 жыл бұрын

Bobby Bless Brewer... yeah you should say something like "is that right"? Or "correct"?

@flyinspaghetti5463

7 жыл бұрын

ya I was like it seems like it would come off condescending

@eknowsgamenews1013

7 жыл бұрын

Bobby Bless Brewer you could say something like is that what you meant or how would you describe it and just repeat what they said

@emmanuelhardy4943

6 жыл бұрын

Bobby Bless Brewer yeah bro that is a dumb thing to say cause even if i heard some crap like that im finna think you tryna be a smart ass and my girl definitely will snap

@jimdawg9250

6 жыл бұрын

It's an example. But ya.

What if you are always the one getting attacked for silly things? I can't keep always being defensive.

@cheymelinda

3 жыл бұрын

"If you're always walking on eggshells in your relationship, then you need to seek professional help."

@simosavustaja9420

3 жыл бұрын

Gf attacked because of my skincolor. I said i'm proud of it. She got even more mad.

Ignore everything. Never have an opinion. No emotion ever. Only say what you have to. Give up hopes and dreams. Start drinking. And BAM! Perfect marriage.

@hosebot

8 жыл бұрын

agreed

@KayKayGJ

8 жыл бұрын

lol right. can't do it

@Paulina-yv7go

7 жыл бұрын

yeap...have to agree

@KellyChenSG

7 жыл бұрын

hahahah Love your humour!

@wondervistastudios2388

7 жыл бұрын

Absolutely true and you still get disrespected and dressed-down.none of this stuff works. It does work like magic... which isn't real!

4 ways: 1. Be Defenceless (find something they said you agree with) 2. Demonstrate that you are listening (Repeat back to them what they said; "did I get it?") 3. Take ownership and apologize (you're right and I'm sorry) 4. Stand together and attack against the misunderstanding (stand next to your partner side by side and use "we" language)

These are easy to carry out when the conflict is over a fact, in this case car lights. It's FAR more difficult when the conflict is about slights, hurt feelings caused by behaviors and the like. Then it is subjective and can go around and around with no real connection to hold onto afterward.

@cheymelinda

3 жыл бұрын

It also applies to the scenarios you listed. Allowing yourself to become defenseless when insulted, disrespected or hurt usually disarms the other person. If you hurt them, you can still use all of his strategies.. like accepting that you hurt them somehow, repeating what they say back to them, etc.

I've had a little saying for a long time. I ask people " when me and my wife disagree, who's right. " There is a correct answer and it is, of course my wife. On July 1st we will be married 40 years and I'm proud to say we have never had an argument. Humility is an important part to the answer.

Good advice and wisdom, but what I have found is when you are in relationship with a person and all they know is drama and conflict (because that's what the learned to do indirectly from their examples growing up).... These tips and tactics won't work. Some people don't know how to do anything else except fight, fuss and argue..... So tho this is great advice, please know it won't work when you are in relationship with an I mature person. Your best solution is to end that relationship before it becomes verbal and or physically abusive, in this situation it's already emotionally abusive.

@IJNova

10 жыл бұрын

That is why everyone should be in a relationship with a person on the same maturity level as themselves.

@juliannalewis3826

9 жыл бұрын

Wow!

@walexander000

5 жыл бұрын

I mean, you're not wrong. I also think people can have the opposite problem and not want to face problems head on and instead choose to be avoidant. which is also just as frustrating. the problems don't disappear if you never address them.

This really works, sometimes she is gonna have to release everything out from her chest, we men, we can stand quiet while she yells everything out, but you'll notice once it's all out from her system, she'll gonna feel better and then she maybe will be willing to have a real talk, just don't fight back, just hold!

@aggarwald2002

3 жыл бұрын

Great advice, we need to be self assured from within to let her vent out and not feel hurt.

Lmao very humorous example about saying SORRY I LEFT THE LIGHTS ON CUZ I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AND WANTED TO KISS YOU BEFORE YOU FEEL ASLEEP lmao i dont think any Female would believe that haha but HE DID GIVE SOME GOOD ASS ADVICE!!! IMA DEFINITELY TRY THIS!!!! Good stuff man!

Were both stubborn so it's hard to say sorry when need be. Im at that stage where I think back to my "old" life where I was once happier and free of course. We have a child together now and lately it has been a total hurricane. Thats what brought me here.........lol

Defense and attack are two sides of the same coin -- I love that. Thanks for sharing this!

I've never been married, but someday I hope to be!

I feel like "did I get it?" may come off a bit condescending.. depending on how headstrong your partner is.

@nomeslife

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I can’t say that either

So i should just take the blame no matter what....lol i see

@needsbeer

4 жыл бұрын

What a load huh?

Your advice worked like a charm! Defense vs Attack...perfect!

Not an instant fix for troubled relationships but during a conflict, this helps knock it right out. Its great advice. Has helped so much to calm situatioms that previously turned into full blow fights. thank you!

I've tried strategy one over and over and it really hasn't worked for us. #2 is a little better, but he jabs back with "why do I have to repeat myself? Why can't you just listen the first time?" #3 He's tired of hearing me apologize and he doesn't believe me anymore. He's beginning to equate my "bad ending" good intentions with emotional and verbal abuse. I tried #4 tonight with an issue we were having and while he still got triggered and he accused me of wasting his time intentionally, I stood my ground and quietly held space for that instead of snapping or forcing him to snap back at me. I wasn't yelled at and he didn't project any anger onto me. We actually resolved a conflict quietly like normal people. For the first time in a long time. Baby steps.

Bruce, you're one amazing coach! I always look forward to watching your videos. Thumbs up sir! :)

Seriously. Thanks a lot for this. I need this kind of tips and i know i been a fool from a long time. I'm committed to improve my relationship and this is going to help. Thanks a lot

me and my husband have never been stronger thanks xox

Please make more videos Bruce. Your explanations and knowledge is awesome! Thank you,

VERY GOOD INFORMATION very helpful, best relationship advice I have heard

a person can argue with an apology saying that you always apologies... and that's my case

@catchingkris3775

7 жыл бұрын

Wally R same

@eknowsgamenews1013

7 жыл бұрын

Wally R just don't do it in that way and apologize for the right reasons

@Jayreed4Jesus

6 жыл бұрын

Wally R you are so right

@Moonshine668

6 жыл бұрын

Wally R Yh but your still not giving them something back in terms of an argument & basically saying your right to them means it will prevent more arguing & then they will find difficulties with a straight response that's angry

@themoonbleu627

6 жыл бұрын

Wally R girl get someone new that’s petty

thank you bruces for this video.

The moment I watch this video I felt like I’m part of it, both of us should know how to manage when we are in a relationship. Instead of fighting and blaming each other, try talking and be calm. Instead of doing that try to understand each other.

Thanks bruce for the advice. It really works..

1. Being defenseless just leads to her keeping up on the attack 2. Demonstrating that I’m listening either makes her think that I’m being sarcastic or that I’m not listening, I only say I’m listening 3. Taking ownership leads to more attacks from her and name calling 4. Standing together doesn’t work because whatever the fight is about is my fault

@mamathemeat

6 жыл бұрын

DunnRightVideos I would say if she is unreasonable it’s time to start making boundaries. Like: okay I’ve explained what happened, I’ve validated your concerns and apologized, I love you but I don’t deserve being treated this way. Then say let me know when and if you want to have a calm discussion and walk away. And if she follows you say, I don’t want to fight, if you continue to try and fight with me I will leave. This is coming from a women, sometimes you have to draw a line and show her that she is being unreasonable but this must be after you have done everything in this video. Just my thoughts ♥️

@sonivarma9210

5 жыл бұрын

@@mamathemeat this is all I said being a guy but she didn't mercy on me ...I'm very hopeless now

@mamathemeat

5 жыл бұрын

CASTING ZONE Why hopeless? This is what I’m talking about, you need to have boundaries. Giving her too much power over you. Have some confidence and go do something that makes you happy instead of feeling hopeless over her because she’s being a brat, then see how her attitude changes.

@miojannuar9386

5 жыл бұрын

Same happens to me ((( I do everything that was recommended here, but my partner just gets angry with everything. When I agree I've done something wrong, he says "yes, you did 100000 time and I hate it" which makes me more upset. When I repeat what he says and try to confront misunderstanding he gets very angry, saying that he says simple things and there's nothing else behind it to talk about. When I apologise he is still angry at me and might even say things that hurt me, I don't know what to do. Apart from these arguments he is a really caring man so it is very difficult for me. And if we fight most of the time he doesnt accept his fault at all

@sonivarma9210

5 жыл бұрын

@@miojannuar9386 this was the explanation I wasn't able to explain ..

Thank you ! Doesn’t help but feel better already

this video is a big help..and a guide to help marriage on conflicts..

Love this Video My boyf and I had a hufe argueent last night We been together 2 months, and this is our 2nd heated arguement.. This video is very accurate, am going to try it

That's ver good advice. I'm going to try this and see how it works.

thanks for the video Sir those are some helpful tips.

Short and clear...👏👌🖒

Thank you this really helps me

Thank you YOU helped my mom and dad STOP divorce!

Thank you! Rehabilitation from TBI and mY communication skills NEED WORK.

This is terrible. I understand what he is trying to say, however, he is assuming that your partner is reasonable... Therein lay the problem...

@brittanymccahan8641

5 жыл бұрын

agreed

@renemlimuti8831

5 жыл бұрын

Thought the same thing!!

@hba2754

5 жыл бұрын

it not terrible but that is true he is assuming that your partner is just gonna listen to you. but some of this helpful. I know from being married 15 yrs that if you don't entertain an argument you spouse will not argue with you

@emanuelhernehult298

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed!!

@dodelydoodooo4777

5 жыл бұрын

👍😂

I am desperate. Seems like I've tried everything. From being extremely docile, submissive, and non combative. He still chooses to fight. he has even acknowledged before that he does it to get under my skin sometimes.

Thanks very much for this words i think am gonna use this

Thank you for this video

this has helped me so much

Very helpful information thank you

Could you please give advice to calm him down in a long distance relationship

@cheymelinda

3 жыл бұрын

All of his advice is with use of verbal communication, which is the only option you have in a long distance relationship

You said it at the end: "the 2 of you". If the other person does not work on these strategies themselves, it's just way harder to get to the point of resolving conflict. I've learned a few of these strategies in the past, and still put them to practice, but if again, the other person is not willing to follow these strategies, conflict is only resolved after a lot of time to cool off.

@loveatfirstfight you are amazing thax for help

thank you I think this video can help

Thank you. ❤️

i aggreed with you thank u this grear advice good video

Ya... Man I found something to agree with.

He dead just fixed my last problem in my relationship 🙌🏽

this helped me i didn't use it exactly but it helped me take control of the fight and im 17 btw

thanks mr muzik

Thank you so much man

@abdulnazir5923

5 жыл бұрын

Say this in Malayalam

Thankyou ❤️

you he's. right! we should. use his idea.

I like this I’m gonna do it

Bruce yr brill!

Taking notes here...This is excellent advice for when I do leave them car head lights on!

thank you

i do think the 4 strategies you suggested are helpful for couples who are in constant petty fights over trivial things. however when it comes to my partner and i, it is quite different. even before i watched this, i have already attempted all 4 strategies mentioned. my first instinct is always to step back and acknowledge a point that she has made and agree with something - like "you know what, you have a good point; you are right, i will try and adjust the way i do this and the outcome will be better." however, i get berated by my partner for being "overcompromising" with the assumption that, eventually one day i will be sick of compromising and blow up and go back to being who i am with no compromises. it's a difficult situation. my partner appears to take things in a generally negative light, to the extent that even when i appear defenceless, even when i always try to resolve things, the other party is still very defensive without me attacking.

thanks for the advice. defenSeless

nice I like your advice

I meant video editing but this is fine too

what if she is 100 % wrong accusing me of things that i havent done ./...fucking daily

@catchingkris3775

7 жыл бұрын

Ian Mitchell same dude. Fucking sucks

@eknowsgamenews1013

7 жыл бұрын

Ian Mitchell sounds toxic you should look at some of his other videos about that

My mom and my dad are fighting? Should I do this too? If they are doing violence (not much), like throwing remotes and breaking, what should I do? Please help because I want to calm this down

Yeah I need help in relationship because me and my partner starts to fight whenever we dont update each other what should we do to try understanding each other

That small thing not matter to me but mutual respect and affections each other that matter.

Great....

I wish I could follow your steps, when my girlfriend gets angry I get angrier and it's a never-ending cycle! I hate it and it's driving us apart...

@sonammishra3179

4 жыл бұрын

When she gets angry just ask her should you want time to talk so that we can talk ,if she say yes, than give her that time and later go on n discuss , don't blame or argument

I Love strategy number 4, but how do i get my husband to agree? I get embarrassed, feeling like he's looking down on me, and my day is full of responsibility. I want to feel we're in this together.

What if your spouse is too proud to issue a heartfelt apology? I find when we argue, it's usually ended with an apology from me for something that occurred within the argument rather than the issue that caused it. I always leave the argument feeling like the bad guy and when she apologizes, it's usually out of frustration and doesn't sound remorseful or real.

Awesome 😎😎

Me: I don't know how to stop being mad at you. Her: I don't know how to stop you from hurting my feelings. Please demonstrate the use of any of the advice in this video to resolve this conflict...

@NyTeSkAi..

5 жыл бұрын

Both parties need to change thier perspectives by changing thier thoughts that cause the feelings of anger and hurt to flow. If you decide to only assume the best of her and to forgive her for any perceived slights against you, you can choose love over anger. If she is still feeling hurt by you after you are showing her only love then she may need an outpouring of tender loving care and concern from you to feel safe and secure which will allow her perspective to shift into gratitude for your love and support.

To follow up on this video, I’ve read tons of NLP and self-help guides, and boy have they been useful, but I didn’t want to forget my ex deep down. When it came to get my ex back I always knew something was missing. Thanks to Treitan Mellory and his website, I felt the undeniable urge to do what was necessary and am on track now :)

I agree ambro

My husband and I fight because I cannot be as productive as he needs me to be. The truth is I am trying very hard to be more productive. I have stress induced insomnia. What that means is at the end of the day all of the things that are upsetting to me, to him about myself, our circumstances anything stressing me out about my kids all of this comes crashing down on me in a huge wave when night falls. I have spent quite a few nights purposefully staying awake all night and tackling my goals despite exhaustion so that the next day I am entirely too exhausted for my insomnia to effect my sleep. Then the day after that, after I have finally got a good nights sleep I am able to be productive I feel good, I get all of the stuff done that I can I can finally wake up at a reasonable time which makes the day so much better. THIS IS WHERE THE MISUNDERSTANDING HAPPENS. If I can have a peaceful evening then I am able to fall asleep and get up at an earlier time again (which makes me feel so good about myself) - the positivity helps me get even more done. Repeating this daily I AM SURE I could have my insomnia under control and I can start to actually complete all of my goals. INSTEAD My husband brings up things that I didn't do right or could have done better or more of. I have tried everything in this video as well as countless other coping strategies and diffusion strategies and it doesn't work. As soon as the fight starts I feel like bursting into tears because my anxiety goes from perfectly managed to through the roof. It is made worse knowing how hard I worked to get to that small step and knowing I spent all day happy with myself and knowing the next day can be even better. It is never better because that next day that next goal is slashed to pieces because my husband chooses to fight or argue or put me down every single night without fail no matter how much progress I make.

very useful tips must watch vedio

Điều quan trọng nhất là gặp mặt trực tiếp nói chuyện để có thể hiểu đối phương, giải bày những mâu thuẫn, những hiểu lầm giữa hai người.

I tried #2 with my husband today and he said don't try any of those psycho tricks on him. He said it really annoyed him and made him feel patronized. So I did it in my head for the rest of the conversation and acted as if this actually worked. ... But then we tried #4 and that seemed better. He's at the point where he doesn't believe a word I say anymore. I feel like vomiting because he projects that past behavior of lying onto me and at this point, he isn't willing to release that and forgive so we can move forward.

That's nice

this is like serenity now, serenity now...explosion later! (Seinfeld reference).

This works with people who are moderatly capable to have acutal conversations. Not people who actually have problems with conflict.

@Anette Moerdyk says that her husband shuts down, and that might be the worst case scenario. If your partner is lashing out, at least they're reaching out, but Bruce is saying to tap out. Call 'uncle' -- because, the truth is that both the happy and the unhappy marriages experience about the same number of conflicts! It's the successful marriages that deal with conflicts differently. One difference is to assume the best about your partner and not the worst. Don't assume that your partner is intentionally being difficult, but rather, be an advocate for them.

I just figured out this by my self today after a series of quarrels and I took the L

All these only has to do when you still love each other. After a long time with constant conflicts, everything fall out of place.

And if I didn't make any mistake.. and he is still fighting for no reason.. may be he is imposing anger of anyone else on me.. so what should I do...

But he continues to attack me though I take fault and repeat back his concerns and promise to make the change necessary. And though I am in full agreement with him, my fiance still continues to stress his concerns over and over in different versions for sometimes hours!! Even though I have fully state I understand and have created the steps to make it possible to move forward from this. He continues to fight??????? Why??? Help!!! please!!! This is urgent were supposed to get married. But how

He Good At Wat He Do I Noticed A lot Of Ways I'm Wrong Even Wen I'm Right 💯 He Official.....LISTEN REAL CLOSELY TO MY BOI

Please help me.I have a fight with my partner. Its my fault ,then he is angry against me. Have can I calm him down and demonstrate him that its is really not intentionally that I have said some words???

The first tip was excellent. The second, third, and fourth would just make her angrier though

@Jennifr1966

8 жыл бұрын

Why is that? I think you're right in my case, too, so why is it that she would be frustrated with working together? that's what my parents modeled for me throughout their great marriage.

holy shitt the did i get it thing worked like a ricken charm, thank u!!!

What about in a long distance relationship? What if she did something and i am pissed off about it? I don't wanna explode. What should I do. Plz reply

So...my guy has been diagnosed with BPD. When I anger him he will...guilt trip me, drag everything I've ever done wrong out and use it to work me over. He will not accept an apology, not until he's calmed down. He's not able to hear (when calm) that he says hurtful things (when he's not calm). Since I too have issues, I think the only solution I have is to withdraw until he's back to his more normal self. Until he's calm, I can't seem to get him to stop saying things that psychologically hurt me, and I don't really have an ability to stand there and take it. I wish I could. He can't even accept that he's doing it. I foresee me sleeping in the car occasionally when we live together, if we live together. Realistically, I'm the one who has to adapt, as he's not in therapy.

Whenever we're in a fight or argument, my bf always bring up the word 'breakup', and it's hurting me. Everytime I have to go and comfort him, the reason why he kept saying breakup is because he hates arguing with me over and over again, and he said he's tired and wants to have a 'better life'. I want to fix this but I'm not gonna risk saying ok when he brings up the word breakup. He treats me very fine other times but when he's angry I hate it. So what should I do?

@imviewed

6 жыл бұрын

Caroline Amore break it up, then.

@beautifulleeme782

2 жыл бұрын

I'm also experiencing this but just say OK and go no contact if they still choose to leave. Sometimes you need a break to gain perspective.

Roll over flat and admit everything and say sorry even when its not your fault.

I enjoyed the video. I am unsure as to which stage I am in with my wife. Married for 17yrs in October. I have been unfaithful, which is where 98% of the fighting and arguing comes from. I know she is hurt by my decisions and actions. I am not ready to lose the woman I love so much. I struggle in every aspect of our relationship due to my infidelity. Our fights get very heated as I do defend everything I do instead of listening and empathizing. She is hurt and I have no explanations or reasons that I can think of for doing these horrible acts of betrayal against her. I want my marriage to work and to be with the woman I love. We have kids also, which I know is tearing them apart also. If you can offer any help, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for your informative video. Although I have tried many things, I will try these also.

Good vedio

Mostly ppl fight over real issues and a fight over such petty issues can be resolved easily but wht if a person has used all this and still your partner doesnt stop yelling at you.. An argument is bound to continue

Yes but if I tell my wife "honey you misunderstand my words" she probably say "Am I stupid ha?" "I can't even understand because I am an idiot"... This is like paradox xD