The trick is to use no more than 2 sheets to 'cushion the fall'. That way you reduce the noise of the splash and simultaneously prevent the 'hatchling of pestilence' from stinking up the place. The ideal is to have a near silent landing, followed by a steady submergence. In my experience, trying to be quiet makes things noisier. Attempting a slow release or small bursts results in more gas pressure that leaks out. Rather just go for broke and release the trap door. Everything should fall instantly, and you should be able to conclude the matter in a similar time to a good hand wash. (This then means your actual hand wash will need to be unhygienically brief). Alternatively you may be able to mask the sound with a well timed cough, although coughing during the drop may cause shittus-interruptus as your backdoor muscles will pulse. This is not something you want, as things may quickly dry out and leave you with the dreaded 'hangman'. The hangman can only be freed with additional hernia-level pushing, that is also hard to do without making more noise (see Emily Blunt trying to give birth silently in a bathtub in the film 'A quiet Place' for reference); or with manual interaction. And nobody wants to deal with that.

@kldc2156

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂 underrated comment!

@TheJulsien

Жыл бұрын

@@kldc2156 for sure 😅😂😂😂😂😂

@billyshithead3139

Жыл бұрын

Shittus interruptus!!🤣🤣🤣

@NinjaHotel

Жыл бұрын

Are you an engineer ? :D

@Art.von.Thiessen

Жыл бұрын

Well, the procedure is much more easier: it would be just enough to slightly push your sphincter up with a twice folded paper sheet in order to prevent any of your sphincter's possible vibrations. To reduce your fairy scent, you should (first of all. eat good food) and flush as fast as you load a toilet with a portion (multiple times if needed). However the simplest way to do your business is just to warn your mates that you are going to shit

The first night I stayed all night with "my beau" was on a weekend camping trip and of course the urge hit! I was mortified! I have always had issues with this and typically will never go "potty" anywhere except home. I asked that he stand outside the camper...he was a super good sport about it, he just swung the TV on the wall around so he could watch it from outside, turned it up loud so he could hear it, grabbed a beer & sat outside. To this day he understands the huge issue with that and never says a word.

@DaisyA-04

Жыл бұрын

He is a good one… congrats!

@ivyrose779

Жыл бұрын

@@DaisyA-04 Awww he sounds so nice!

In Japan many public restrooms have speakers that play loud bird tweets over and over to mask the body noises that arise from just peeing and pooping. At first I thought it was someone whistling, from the corners of the bathroom, over and over.

Then there's me who just takes a massive dump, comes down the stairs and cheerfully announces: "I'd leave that room alone for a few hours if I were you."

This brings back a funny memory of my 16th year...funny because I'm now 53 and it doesn't matter anymore. At 16 I was mortified. I went with my boyfriend's family to visit his grandparents in Louisiana. Being from Chicago I ate bland Midwestern food. Yummy. But in new Orleans they served me some godforsaken spicy Cajun stuff. Needless to say my innerds couldn't handle this disruption and I spent two hours in a single bathroom house on the toilet. But so they wouldn't think I was on the toilet, I ran a bath!!!! A bath after dinner in a stranger's house to disguise my intestinal distress. When I finally exited the bathroom the evil looks I got I will never forget. Everyone had to use the bathroom and they thought I was a primadonna bathing for two hours while they were in agony! But at least they didn't think I pooped!

I was at a client's house and had to poop. Then I discovered they have low water pressure and the poop kept drifting back into the bowl every time I flushed.😳

@ausnein7139

Жыл бұрын

😮 How did you solve the problem?

@cathipalmer8217

Жыл бұрын

@@ausnein7139 1) Very, very quietly. 2) Luckily, they had a plunger in the bathroom. Wrapped in a plastic grocery bag, which didn't help so much withe quietly, but I managed. Eventually.

The first time I stayed overnight with an ex-boyfriend was in a 5th wheel RV. The toilet was in the bedroom and wasn't in a separate room with walls. And right outside the doorway to the bedroom was the living room. Fun times. I didn't go to the bathroom for 3 days.

@DaisyA-04

Жыл бұрын

Oh, my…. that is way too close. With my luck, I would have gotten food poisoning while there!

Every character she does is an absolute gem... not to mention she's damned gorgeous herself... Oh, poo, I've mentioned it... 🤪

Unbelievable! There’s something about you, besides the adorable accent, that I absolutely love! Besides the no-makeup beauty as well, it’s character, you have it and God bless you girl!! 🥰🙏

Bahaha this is awesome! My notifications are back and what an interesting way to get back into things 😂

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

YAY! Haha... welcome back.. the the weird ;)

1:59 I may have mentioned it before but I absolutely love this hooded character Hayley 😂😂😂 It's hilarious, awesome job!

You are absolutely spot on and HYSTERICAL!!!!!!

I never had this problem, I just said that I had to use the bathroom and went and if they asked I was honest, we all poo its natural, never be ashamed. But I am not saying just to be fine with it because I know some people have anxiety for this type of stuff, so just keep being you.

So true lmao you are so darn funny .love ya to bits

The issue with the nest technique is if it’s really stanky it’s just sitting in plain air. Gotta flush right away or push it under the water with a stick or something if you wanna take your time

I don't understand why the Brits are so shy about having to poop. It's all over British sitcoms (from Men from the Ministry to Dad's army.) They come up with so many euphemisms for bathroom : "little boy's room", "convenience", etc. I, a Romanian, would have absolutely no problem using anybody's bathroom. As we say it : "A loo is the place where even a king goes unescorted and on foot". Poop makes all of us equals. 😁 I'd just say : "where's your bathroom, may i use it" and go straight at it. Same goes for hotels, restaurants, parties etc.

@leeowen4989

Жыл бұрын

I dunno, I make every effort to be as loud as possible, especially if I'm right above them.... Letting it rip down a porcelain trumpet never gets old in my opinion.

You’re so funny! I love your black coat character!

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you Lily! :D

Only Hayley makes this conversation conformtable

Your bedroom is the most quintessentially British thing I've seen in 3 decades. I love it.

Your videos make me laugh and I'm always glad to share them with my mates and besties 💓 they enjoy them alot 💓 💗 💖 💕 too 😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤❤

Congratulations On 600k 💖

Haha love this and love you 😂😍😘

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you girlie!! :D

Omg your so funny, love you 😍

Great video! You're genuinely stunning!

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

You did a travel video a while back and the poop wasn't coming along...that's me!! 😂😂 I never pack the poop!!😂😂😊

The shoe to the face 🤣😂🤣

I've just come acress your channel - you are brilliant 😀😀I think the worst thing with being at someones else house needing the loo is when there is no lock on the door!! 🙈🙈

@DaisyA-04

Жыл бұрын

And a four year old cousin walks in on you and is scarred for life!

this is the funniest comment section l have ever read..... love your channel.....

The worst in when you go to the house of someone with acute "mirror obsession" which means they're everywhere, especially in that little powder room tucked underneath the main stairway and they even put mirrors on the angled portion so that you can effectively view yourself whilst in the tuck...

I prep with either loperamide-tablets or iron tablets. I’ll be constipated for a good week. 👍 This after I tried to put paper in the bowl which of course caused major blockage. I then had to try to save face & stick my entire arm as far as I could into the u-bend. We’re not dating anymore.

This is why it's so much more convenient being an American. Me: "Hey I really need to drop a duece really hard. Where's your poop toilet? And I might need some spray because this one could desecrate the whole house. And if you hear a bunch of grunts and screams, that's normal. Unless you hear me yell RUTABAGA don't panic or anything." This guy is my hero. He gets it. kzread.info/dash/bejne/aYSixsSplMLPkbg.html

@ivyrose779

Жыл бұрын

What?? There’s plenty of poop anxiety in the US too lol

It’s good to have a bathroom where only you go and only other people go sometimes. Public bathrooms (Walmart) is no go for the toilet

You are hilarious!!!!

Haha 5 points to gryffindor 🤣

@marcel89

Жыл бұрын

haha that was the best part, I died laughing :D

YES SO GOOD

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

YAS glad you enjoyed it Zo Zo!

I just wanted to let you know, that your intro made me laughed so hard I dropped my phone on my sleeping 2 year old’s head. Also, the 4 ciders drank earlier had *nothing* to do with it.

One of my friends has that problem in public bathrooms,his solution though is to hum really loudly and another one owns it and if he doesn't make enough noise he will make farting noises with his hands,but, only if he knows that there are strangers in the bathroom and not normal fart sounds either,somehow he could make them sound wet and sloppy.

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha if I ever hear someone humming in the bathroom I know what they're up to and I guess makng farting noises is one way to combat the noise haha

I have definitely had those “JFC can I just shit in peace” moments.

YES to echoey bathrooms! Even worse: paper thin doors.

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Ooooooooh and the GIANT gaps in doors... that's about enough to have me running for the hills!

@memememe2536

3 жыл бұрын

That’s why public bathrooms are a NO GO

@FrauWilhelmKlink

Жыл бұрын

Worst of all: both of those things PLUS what Hayley mentioned.

How come your yoga/fart video doesn't have comments? I wanted to say that was one of the funniest vids I'd ever seen.

You are amazing.

Hospital bathrooms are the abolute worst.. The other three people you share a room with can hear your every movement in the bathroom with an added echo 😨

1:00 So that's how you record the sound for these videos.

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Hahah always got that mic in the toilet

i dont understand why people fuss about pooping in a friends place so much. Its a normal thing to poop, grow up people o.O

I thought it was just my family...who knew stiff upper lipped poms are like us ...holy moly...how is that possible??

Do the British know of or use the light-and-then-blow-out the match technique?

Wish you still made the shorts they are funny 😂

@hayleymorris

4 жыл бұрын

I miss doing them - been trying to come up with some ideas recently, hopefully can make some new shorts soon

@almo33YO

2 жыл бұрын

@@hayleymorris I come from the future to tell you that your shorts are KILLING it!!! 🙌

Nice to see what you make back then, that was nice year....

Did not expect the sneaker!

Always perform a pre-flush prior to #2 to ensure the toilet works; you don't want to make a deposit and not have it taken to the vault. 🤣

I’m I the only one that says “I gotta poop” when I’m at my mates house? 😂 I mean, I myself don’t wanna smell it, so I actually carry a little “pre-poo” spray in my bag everywhere I go, but still, I tell em what’s up and how long it’ll probably take 🤣

Yep

I make guests feel comfortable by loudly announcing that I need to take an epic dump at the earliest opportunity so they feel at ease when needing to void their bowels.

Into every generation…a demon slayer… Couple of additional tips…play classical, or music of choice when using a ‘shared’ bathroom…and when traveling take a small tin with a scented tea light and lighter. Turn tin upside down so no risk from heat damage to surfaces when lit…and remember to extinguish and maybe take with you when leaving. The logistics are easier than others depending…😳

Another trick to mask the stink is when you wash your hands afterwards, you just wave your soapy hands around for a bit. I do this everytime I have to poop at work 😅

Crazy but good

@hayleymorris

4 жыл бұрын

:D

What was the biggest u ever took?

😂😂😂

You should live in Japan. They have invented something which is called a "noise princess".

I actually was so scared of pooing around my ex who fucked me up emotionally that I regularly held it in for upto a week at a time even farts and I then just stopped eating to help lol

Love

They don’t have bathroom fans in the UK?

hillarious

@hayleymorris

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Other then the accent the woman in black is soooo my Aunt!

😄👏🏽

Conserving poop conserves water and hence is good for the planet - got it.

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

That's how it is ;)

The water conserving bit.. Too funny 😂😂 P.S Did you listen to the song I recommended 😎

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Haha, glad you found it funny! I did indeed, the sunscreen one? haha

@brianh208

6 жыл бұрын

Hayley Morris yes 😀😀 hope you enjoyed it 😎

Even if on vacation or staying somewhere that I have a private washroom, it takes a good 4 days for me to even feel the need to have a BM (lucky but also concerning, really). However, even at home, I have never really experienced being noisy when doing it or having it take much longer than having a wizz for the most part, I think my only concern would ever really be leaving a smell? Are these things *most* people struggle with?

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

I feeeeeeel you on that, serious struggle! I don't know why the noise thing is such an issue to me, I'm in and out and my family or friends never even know I've been... but yet I still tell them haha! Poop problems

Pooping in front of your boyfriend is a wholeeeeee new ball game 🙈🙈 I still struggle after 3 years 😭

Two people here pooped before me (where's the angry smiley)!?

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

Hahaha

Make a video of you eat taco bell and go in taco bell bathroom and the toilets chain wont flusn😊

1:37 Hello Ethel!

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

:D :D

@metro_ken

6 жыл бұрын

:)

one of my best friends toilet is right next to her room so even if im ther for two im not going im even self concious peeing

I just try to make it quick, and hope there's some air freshner around, and take care of business.

I am a guy, and have no problem with gas stations or stores when I am being discreet. However, if I am staying the night or extended period, I don't care about the sounds. Actually, it's funny when my lets out an audible fart... those always let when they are sleeping.

LOL

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

hahaha

Go to a convenient store and use there bathroom

I watched this while pooping😳.

As you say everyone poops I honestly don't understand why women are conscious of it but then I am a guy so to me I'm like yea ok have fun in there but not too much fun😉

Hahaha

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

XD

A scream!

If you gotta POOP 💩 U gotta POOP 💩 I don't question anyone's Bowel Movements even if It was my House

so what, everybody needs to take a dump once in awhile, and these things aren't always possible to schedule (more like impossible ) and people who have echoey bathrooms at the focal point of their house are probably used to the noses they might not even notice them. is it just me or do we need to relax about making noises in a room that is set aside for taking care of the bi products of digestion, soory for tyhe sligt ramt but I don't get the problem

You could’ve used VIPoo!

@hayleymorris

5 жыл бұрын

Or PooPourri

Just wait til you turn 55-ish. It goes and goes and goes, with lots of sound effects.

I’m currently sitting on the toilet at our bench building house blowing the mf toilet up

@Siennagri

2 жыл бұрын

Samez

They don't have a problem, then i won't.

Has no one heard of poopourri?! They even make purse size sprays. Not that you should feel weird about a natural body function anyway. I can see maybe if they just started dating.

But it says pooping in ur house in the thumbnail

Love to marry this woman

I just tell them "I gonna take a shit".

nonono butterflies woman do not poop. Only flowers and butterflies:(

thin walls are really bad, couple that with the bathroom being adjacent to the living room and you have bad acoustics and a terrible floor plan.

I only shit at my own home.

Juist go in there and fart as loud as it gets. mark your territory.. ensure you got wifi and battery. take your time. Man here, if that was not obvious by now....

Hi

The room where me and my boyfriend sleep when I go to his house is legit next to the toilet and it makes me cringe to imagine that he can smell and hear what be going in in there and trust me when he Goes to work I try but he Works in the weekends only do by then all of the shit Loads stuck in the trunk judt wont come out I even try these special pooping positions ans neyyyything works and for the love of God when Can I fart cuzzz jezzzzzz when my buthole blows kisses they smell majakaaaaa im so shyyy

@alfredsuhrbier4166

3 жыл бұрын

My aunt cames in, as I sat on toilet. Was that fair. What do you think?

@thecupcakeeater8037

3 жыл бұрын

@@alfredsuhrbier4166 nahh that’s not fair you deserve your privacy hunny nobody should come in like that when you are in the toilet next she do that let her know it’s not fair 🙂

@alfredsuhrbier4166

3 жыл бұрын

@@thecupcakeeater8037 Yes, I sat there with pants down and was in the middle of my busines and she came in, filled her waterbucket and talked to me. 😰😫😂 It was so embraissing. Can you feel with me ??

@thecupcakeeater8037

3 жыл бұрын

@@alfredsuhrbier4166 oh dear I feel you with this one my cousin used to do this and then throw toilet roles at her to make her leave but she then starts to hit me with a rolled up towel 😂

@alfredsuhrbier4166

3 жыл бұрын

@@thecupcakeeater8037 That woman was weird. As I came to her my bottom was cramped from cycling. She said: Stretch your butt to me. Then she slapped me on the butt about 20 times. 😭🥵 What do you think about her ???

first comment and like

@hayleymorris

6 жыл бұрын

YAAAS!

@metro_ken

6 жыл бұрын

Love your videos!

I think it's rather a turn on to hear her let one go.....break the barrier. I am soon to let it go, too.

My strategy: don't hold back and own it.