An emotional one today people. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:44 Ashley’s Life Since Ex On The Beach 07:14 How Ashley Responded to His Daughter’s Diagnosis 18:54 The Traumatic Experience of Feeling Helpless 28:08 Azalea’s Passing 32:37 How Extreme Grief Impacts Relationships 39:55 Ashley’s Mission After Azalea’s Passing 44:58 Ashley’s Darkest Moments 59:36 Why Ashley is Drawn to Extreme Events 1:06:05 Advice to People Experiencing Grief 01:11:36 Event Goals for the Next Few Years 1:18:16 Ashley’s Overarching Message 1:22:53 A Typical Day for Ashley 1:27:36 Thoughts on Future Children 1:31:10 Where to Find Ashley

@themaniacmitch

Жыл бұрын

Emotional, indeed. Such a reality check for what life can be. Thanks, Chris. Great work as always 🙏🙏

@auswomble

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Chris. Thank you Ashley.

This is one of the most moving podcasts I've heard in my life.

@juliettevharris

Жыл бұрын

It is. There is a Radio Lab podcast about a couple who lose their child to cancer, and his dad creates a video game to honor him. It's called 'The Cathedral'. It's really similar. Very moving. Worth the listen.

@richallum8767

Жыл бұрын

Same, man. The first half broke me completely.

@kurtis1246

Жыл бұрын

Feel like it’s changing me as a person listening

@hariman7727

Жыл бұрын

It hits me right in the feels, because I've developed the saying: "The trauma doesn't change, our ability to deal with the trauma and the damage it leaves behind changes over time.". I've been there in my own way. So I know Ashley Gets It.

@indokenmore

Жыл бұрын

Dang, that’s high praise… guess I need to watch

I don’t ever comment on KZread but as a father of a daughter, I salute to you brother, it’s a pain I would never want to carry but can only imagine, prayers and blessings to you and your wife navigating forward 🙏🏽💔

Simple, direct questions. Raw, direct answers. Room to breathe. Well done Chris. & Ashley. Immense respect to Ashley for his ability to share and articulate his pain and introspection. Leave it to a couple of former reality tv guys to navigate deep truth and meaning, sharing perhaps the deepest real man shit with the rest of us. The channel’s evolution continues.

This was a really difficult one. I cried when he said the policemen who rescued him started crying. I pray for grace, comfort and peace for Ashley and Sophia.

I lost my 11 year old son to leukemia February 2020. I followed Ashley’s story from the beginning. I have never related to a podcast so much. Every word he spoke was something I’ve thought, felt, considered. I also turned my pain into power through fitness and giving back. And I think it’s so incredibly important for people to hear how the “strong” bereaved parents are feeling and coping. This podcast was deeply moving and inspiring. Ashley, you’re doing incredible work and honoring your daughter in such a beautiful way.

@Puccii

Жыл бұрын

❤️

@28copland

Жыл бұрын

So sorry for your loss ❤

@talksick508

Жыл бұрын

I’m very sorry for your loss I know my words don’t help But I’m sorry ❤️🙏🏻

@gilbertochavez7371

11 ай бұрын

Pain is an adhesive we all relate

I feel this man’s pain with every utterance of every word. I’m genuinely watching this with teary eyes, and I don’t understand how he can speak without breaking. What a brave champ.

@gilbertochavez7371

11 ай бұрын

Just grateful for his mess as a message and the test he turned into a testimony

@gilbertochavez7371

11 ай бұрын

I cried

God please bless his child and everyone. It was heartbreaking the way he said it. You can hear his trauma.

The genuine, authentic, and the realness of life this episode had. What a wake up call

@26NEWERA

Жыл бұрын

Mmmm he is far from genuine, a lot of questions have been raised about where all this money raised is going too..

@DamonCassidy

Жыл бұрын

@@26NEWERA oh, never heard of him before. Really don’t know anything about this story other than this video

@samanthalangford6325

Жыл бұрын

@@26NEWERA the foundation controls the money. There is no speculation about where the money goes. They have donated some amazing pieces of equipment to cancer research and also grants to families suffering who apply through Go fund me.

This was so powerful. I lost my own daughter, Denver, to alveolar capillary dysplasia last year, and so much of what was said here rang so true. I was not as strong and am still not as strong as Ashley, and I have a lot of shame for how everything happened and what I became. But having listened to his story, how he found a path through the darkness that truly envelops and becomes you… I am so appreciative of this. Thank you Chris for making this happen, and thank you Ashley for sharing your story. I am humbled and inspired. ❤

@ElGuapo4000

Жыл бұрын

Rest in perfect peace Denver. I’m so sorry for your loss Chris and I’m happy you’re doing better.

This is heavy. Reminds me to appreciate my life far far far more.

Ashley's a real hero. Losing a kid is a real pain in the heart for anyone, more so for people whose kids died slowly. He managed to overcome it and stay brave, which is hard, but the best course.

Usually I drift in and out of your podcasts (reply to messages or open a different app etc). With this one I watched straight through. Many refer to goggins as the worlds toughest man. I believe Ashley Cain deserves that title.

Mate… this is one of your best conversations yet. I have no idea how you kept it together. I was driving home listening to this and I can safely say I hugged my kids extra tight. Ash… kept fighting mate! You are truely an amazing soul

Chris, just want to say you were perfect in this podcast. Your skills as a podcaster are phenomenal, perfect questions and perfectly timed responses. Thanks for this episode

Chris, you have a lot of great shows but this is one of the realest shows you’ve ever done. God bless you Ashley and God bless your daughter.

May well be the most authentic and valuable podcast ive ever watched. Doing his daughter proud.

My grief has cast me to sea in a hurricane without end, and my boat is breaking apart, and I am so, so tired…

@user-lp7rp7cb4g

4 ай бұрын

Hope you are doing well brother

Losing my daughter and granddaughter, the pain is what kept me connected to them. It’s all we have left. It’s hell on earth. Blessings!

Damn, this one is deep Chris, and I'm a hospice nurse, I literally watched 3 people die at work last night, and this hit me hard. He's an amazing man though. I wish him the best in life and hope he finds peace

@CianBrennan

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the work that you do

@korrendous2546

8 ай бұрын

Indeed, thank you for your work

This is one of the most saddest and moving podcast I have ever listened to. Having a child myself, it's just heartbreaking to listen to and to think what Ahsley and Safiyya must have gone through during those grueling months especially when they took her home when all other options were exhausted. Every step of the way through Ashely's story, just when you think there is some good news there is another obstacle in their way. I cried through many parts of this but was very moved by how honest and genuine he was and it really does put life in perspective that we just have to appreciate what we have and our loved ones each and everyday! Thankyou 🙏🙏🙏 (BTW this video deserves thousands more views)

The amount of soul that exudes out of Ashley Cain is moving beyond words… I sought out the YT vid of this conversation solely for the reason of leaving a public comment on his sharing this story.

Thank you both for sharing such a beautiful and tragic experience. I will always remeber the time I spent in the NICU with my son. I never had a doubt he would survive, and he is a healthy 9 year old today. But it changed me as a person, as a parent. His Dad broke and has never been able to be a father to his son. But I took up the mantle and was enough. I made myself enough, and made sure he would always be safe with Mamma.

I was in the middle of dealing with an episode of depression and this podcast actually helped more than I could have imagined or expected. Thank you Ashley. Good work with the deep listening and pertinent questions Chris. Got yourself a subscriber.

I listened this on Spotify and it was the most heart-wrenching podcast I have ever listened to. The rawness in Ashley's voice overcame me throughout the podcast and brought me to tears several times. I am a father of 5, and my 21yo daughter (who like Azaylia was born on the 5 May) was admitted to the hospital when she was 6 weeks old with a severe lung condition that resulted in a long hospital stay. I am in no way comparing this to Azaylia lueakemia, but what a father will do for his daughter was explained explicitly and directly from the heart by Ashley. My daughter pulled through and, to this day, still amazes me with her strength when things get hard. Chris, your composure throughout Ashleys story and questions during the podcast could not have been more compassionate. I praise you for your professionalism and empathy, considering you have not had a daughter of your own.

This was a beautiful, powerful episode. I cannot begin to understand what pain & trauma he must be feeling every second of every day but he has found his path & that is to turn his grief into his purpose. The Azaylia Foundation is a wonderful charity that honours his beautiful daughter but also helps children with cancer & their families. He's a special man & wonderful daddy. Xx

This got me in the feels so much. If this doesn’t make you realise you need to appreciate your life then I don’t know what will. I couldn’t even possibly imagine the pain they went through. Makes my problems look like nothing.

Only those who allow themselves to really feel their grief, who are capable of leaning into it, can ultimately balance it with profound empathy. Thanks to both of you for your willingness to be open and vulnerable; something I wish was more available online.

This episode actually made me cry, feel for you man

He who interviews least interviews best: Chris, this was a real high point. Even setting aside Ashley's heartbreaking story, the way you elicited it from him as an interviewer was a model of restraint, attention and compassion. All you were called to do was listen, and you did so impeccably. The result is a humbling, meaningful podcast. Thank you, and thanks to Ashley.

You never know what you might go through in life and these podcasts definitely help those going through something. I pray everyone receives the clarity in every situation and we remember that we are more alike than different.

Heart-wrenching, heart breaking - the story made me feel as though he was part of my family. This is the slap in the face and the kick in the gut I needed to be more grateful and gracious around my own life. Thank you for the insanely raw and beautiful vulnerability

This was the first time I listened to an episode all the way through. I've sat through entire episodes before, but I've felt myself drifting away or having to rewind. I listened and paid full attention to this one beginning to end. Thank you Chris for what you do.

Deep. Resonate deeply with this. Coming out breathing from deep traumatic experiences changes you. And it is something hard to explain unless you experienced it. This guy’s honesty in answering these deep question is liberating to hear. ❤

That was the most emotional and eye opening conversation I've seen on the internet. I hope Ashley finds happiness in life, even if he doesn't believe in its existence.

I have no words, but Ashley’s are stuck with me. Appreciate you lads. And everybody listening.

So much of what i felt was expressed through this man’s words. Now i know why I felt so “satisfied” from being next to my father’s bed on his final days in cancer hospital during pandemic. Because i was appreciating every single moment of it. Because i had a chance to serve him. My God I was crying watching this episode and i am crying writing this down. How lucky I am to be able to hear these stories and become wiser. Appreciate my life even more. Thank you Chris.

My throat got dry and I felt this. I pray the lord heals this man and his family. Jesus be with them.

@ezo2161

Жыл бұрын

Shame he didn’t bother to heal his daughter

This couldn’t of come at a better time for me. Stay strong kings and queens!

Just watched this man on Good Morning Britain and I was tearing up. What a brilliant guy, his daughter would be so proud.

Unimaginable pain! Devastating journey that no one should have to endure, and I cannot fully comprehend the depth of emotions this man have been through. Wishing you peace, healing, and the warmth of cherished memories.

This has to be the most poignant episode of this podcast. I've dealt with deep grief but never for a child and I have always thought, "If I feel this way, I can't imagine how someone feels when they lose a child." It is the stuff of nightmares. I took a lot from this episode, it was incredibly moving, and I really appreciate Ashley's openness.

It’s actually crazy… from Knowing Ashley from Ex on the Beach.. To see the change and what he has gone through and had to deal with.. Mad respect!!

God bless your family ❤ Your suffering is deep and great. Your pain is heartbreaking ❤️‍🩹 but your LOVE for your daughter is beautiful. We wish you to find strength and peace.

This actually got me emotional and one of the best podcasts I’ve ever heard. Inspiring and I only hope to love a child as much in my life.

This podcast was so powerful, it moved me to tears. I'm not even an emotional person. This guy is an inspiration. I hope he is able to move on from this.

I lost my twin brother when I was 14 years old. The anniversary of my brother's death was 2 days ago, so this really hit home for me. 💔😢 They say losing a twin and losing a child are the hardest deaths to deal with. I totally understand every single thing he was saying. When he talks about the hospital stay or watching her last breath, it was just like that with my brother. Although my loss was more sudden. My brother was in an accident and was in ICU for 3 days until we decided to turn the machines off. Those 3 days felt like years, though. I'm glad he has found his purpose. It took me years to find mine. I was too young, and I was just hitting puberty when it happened. It was very, very hard on me. I can say I mostly made it out on the other side. It's taken quite some time to really feel emotionally healthy. I had a lot of other trauma to deal with, too, though. I'm 40 now and feel like I'm just now figuring things out. I hope he does have another child. I know it's seems an impossible shoe to fill, but I would imagine it would be a new love, not a replacement of her. He seems like an emotionally intelligent man. It is ashamed to think another woman won't love him and give him the gift of another child. You can't let your heartache stop you from loving again. I imagine it's too soon, though. He needs time to heal. I hope eventually some woman comes along and opens his heart up again. All you really need is your purpose, though. At least he's got that. I'm glad I've got mine, too.

I thought Chris Williamson handled this interview very well. Astute, sensitive questions, but most of the time keeping quiet and allowing Ashley Cain the space to tell his story. Well done.

What an honour and privilege to hear Ashley speak from the heart like this, truly the most moving podcast episode I’ve ever listened to. Thank you.

Walking with grief is such a personal journey very difficult to share or explain. Its down in the guts and belly hurt that goes on for a long time. It makes the head spin and the hands tingle. Blessings to this man and his family sharing his story. 🙏

My youngest was in the NICU for four months. This was a truly moving podcast, and props to you Chris for keeping it together during this.

Ashley you are a incredible human. A huge inspiration for me. Nothing else can be said but a hero to the people.

My dear dear man, there are no words I Or anyone can say to take away this pain away from you. But I would like to say you are one of the bravest strongest men I've ever had the pleasure of listening too and in just over an hour you have bought my life and probably many others completely into perspective. I'm blessed to have healthy children but after listening to this will I never take another day for granted for that blessing thanks to you and the mother of your beautiful daughter, so so sorry for you loss. God bless you my friend and huge love respect to you and hope for you and your family, you will all be in my prayers x

This was amazing, as a mom of young girls my first instinct was to run away from listening to this. It was almost unbearable, but I'm happy I stuck through it and witnessed the strength, compassion and wisdom that Ashley transmits after going through what can only be categorized as hell. To me, this is a true hero's journey, living through one's biggest nightmare and coming out scarred but somehow more whole. I send love to Ashley and his family. Thank you for this, Chris.

I'm a father to a seven month old who's been in hosptial for six months of his life. This is the first time since my boy went into hospital I've felt I've been able to relate to someone. Our stories are very similar (except for the gofundme) and you really feel like you exist outside of time and space. Thankyou for this conversation, Ashley and Chris.

I’m speechless… All I can think to say is thank you both for this. Thank you.

my son died, I became a Zombie emotional, , , then my sorrow became unbearable, invisable paine became so big, I left my body, everything became peacefully wonderfull, I saw my spirite was beautyfull or was it my sons spirite?, However in that moment I knew I hat to stay here in this hellish earth a while longer. Now I'm happy my son is there in the afterlife, I just miss him. I started to feel he is with me allways, but my life is 200% different, both for better and worse. I look forward to die with a smile, 🙏✝️🛐💖

Man, as a father to a daughter who just turned 1, listening to this was heart-rending. Had I been in his shoes, I would have probably ended up in the loonie house, from all of the impotent rage and heartache. This was by far the heaviest episode that I've listened to on your podcast Chris. Hope he finds peace one day.

Deepest sympathies for your loss. The worst thing that could happen to any parent. Make your mission work so other parents have hope. Life is very precious.

Composure, Courage & Grace. Radiates off this beautiful soul..

Now this was emotional. Having a new born daughter myself this one hit hard. May she rest easy in heaven❤️🙏

"The circle of grief always stays the same, I just believe that we just grow stronger around it."

Thanx for sharing and reminding us what's most important in life. I think your life will make your daughter proud.

A True Inspiration, words can‘t describe how much I feel for this man. He is a true idol for all fathers!

I’m going through a personal medical struggle of my own and these last few months have been very dark for me. I could relate in some ways to the feelings he had but would not compare what I’m going through to what he’s going through at all. I have a 9 month old daughter and if I had to choose where this sickness resided, I’d choose in me everyday of the week. This conversation helped me shift my perspective and helped me refocus on the blessings that I still have in my life. Ashley, I pray that God continues to give you the strength to carry on and to keep fighting for your causes. Being this vulnerable and sharing this story has changed my life and I’m sure it will change many more. God bless you.

Respect Ashley you’re such an inspiration and having the strength to tell this story is truly remarkable. God bless.

Sorry for your loss.....I'm a 56 year old man and gave lost 6 of my immediate family from different circumstances? I can't ever imagine your loss mate...I'll never be able to get over the loss of my whole family before me

This was raw and honest and tugged at the heart, somewhat a familiar experience having seen my brother go through this when he lost his 2 yr old son. Thank you for bringing Ashley on.. Wishing him all the best on concurring the world with him and his little angel Azalea! She would be so proud of him.. 🤍💞

I’m in awe of this man. This isn’t hyperbole, he’s actually helped me realise how to become better. I’d never even heard of him before, but I’ll definitely be following him from now on.

Possibly the most moving, touching a nd powerful podcast I've listened to. The depth, the honesty of his trauma, allowing others into his pain, ripped into my heart. In the UK we shy away from such emotive moments, this is needed to normalise the pain one can expect at the loss of a loved one. Heartbreaking but necessary for others. I appreciate his bravery and honesty

Amazing truth in his story of all of the thoughts and feelings that he endured. Watching this, I was brought back in time to my own daughter being in ICU for 7 weeks after delivery, but we were very fortunate in knowing that she would most likely be fine and just needed some time. I can't imagine, or maybe I just don't want to think about the pain and helplessness he felt in that position. Thank you for showing this to the world Chris, we are all better for it.

Very Powerful, Raw, Heartfelt,Deeply Honest, Personal. And really Helpful -Thank you !

Looking forward to watching this one - keep up in the in person podcasts it's 10x more intimate and valuable than the ones via zoom I aim to see myself in that Chair opposite you one day and I'm working hard to make it happen you're definitely a role model for me Chris so thank-you for all your good work

I know how it feels to loose someone like this and I was too young but I always feel good that I always was there fully, it takes years of overcome such a heartbreaking moment in a sense, cuz you just learn to live with such loss forever. One love

Heart of a lion, that one. Awe, Gratitude, and Compassion for his journey.

14:48 in... Turning it off now. I've been to close to this story with my own children so I can't take listening to this. But I hope the episode at least ends on a tone of hope. My heart his with them.

Ashley, Amen! Suffering can be, if you allow it, can be extremely powerful!

Amor fati. Listened 10 mins to this and went to hug my sons. Most powerful way to remind us to enjoy every minute of this precious life…

I am a father of one to a 5 year old boy and I relate to Ashley when he said that he immerses himself in the pain as it is the only time he truly ever feels love. Fortunately my son is alive and healthy, but I remember him having pnuemonia a couple of years ago and ended up in the hospital. Me and my ex wife are no longer together and whenever I cannot see my son or I see him in emotional pain or physical pain I feel the pain as well which is also an intense feeling of love and whenever I have not shown up as a father or not been present with him I have felt immense guilt. The love for your own child is worth more than anything you could imagine, or it should be, but I know that for some parents they do not bond with their biological children, but thankfully this is in the minority, I couldnt imagine loving anyone more than my son.

Chris I love your podcasts but I can’t listen to this. The 14 minutes I did listen, you did a great job of asking some insanely difficult questions. You did a wonderful job though you are visibly uncomfortable. What an awful situation to experience . Much love to Ashley and his ex partner. I’ll tune back in for the less bleak podcasts.

3 years ago I chose to stop a 20 year addiction to drugs, I needed to see the ultimate darkness before I could make the change though, I lost it all, partners, relationships, family and ALL friends. It all had to go to find myself!

@txdmsk

Жыл бұрын

Keep it up. I wish you strength.

@TdfJNR

Жыл бұрын

@@txdmsk thank you so much sir, I’ll take that strength and trade you well wishes!!

damn I had a tougher time not crying than Ashley. So moving and gut wrenching.

Knowing what happened to this chap and his family... I don't think I can watch this one as the father of two young kids. Heartbreaking. 😔

I also feel every person i meet is precious to their families and every person is or will be a parent that is a whole new level of human being like Ashley so I have to treat everyone with respect

My wife lost a child to suicide about 5 years ago. There is nothing to prepare you for losing a child. She lives in the shadow of this trauma. Trying to find a way to live with that. She tries to be better for the family that remains. She got sober, and has really taken responsibility for her life and her choices. Still, it seems like she will never truly recover from what happened. I can see why. Also, the part where Ashley is counting is so powerful that I choked up listening to it. Woah. Incredibly dark, powerful and inspirational. Woah, Chris. Killer podcast, but very sad. Thanks again.

@hariman7727

Жыл бұрын

"The trauma doesn't change, our ability to deal with the trauma and the damage it leaves behind changes over time."

This hit hard. Man. I am not convinced by his answer to your question about him doing all this stuff to cope. You can hear his pain.

What a powerful podcast the strength n courage this man has shown is astounding I’ve not cried in a long time but my eyes are full of water good luck to u in the rest of your life got nothing but respect ✌🏻❤️🙏🏻

Running to this podcast in the middle of the night way a hell of a feel trip.

This is one of the most impactful conversations I’ve ever listened to. Wow. So so deeply inspiring❤

Heavy Heavy, people say money fame is everything but just an example here life has the power to teach us a lesson that we never fall for petty material things. Care for people around be grateful, all peace n prayers🙏

I’m not sure how Chris managed to stay so stoic and let Ashley speak that aloud. Both of you are in my thoughts, and Godspeed to little lion Azaylia.

2 mins and I'm crying. Far out. Thank you for sharing your story Ash

Never cried so much listening to a podcast... thank you 🙏🏻❤💪🏻

Big love. Chris and co must be chuffed that their commitment to quality results in podcasts like this!

This was brutal. God Bless this man

A very raw and healthy conversation between two male role models. We need more of this in our society.

Had to take a break at the 14th minute. My heart goes out to you Ashley Cain.

Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve not recently become a father of beautiful girl after listening to this I will never ever go a day where she won’t no she’s loved and it tells me never ever miss a moment so thank you

Inspiring, makes you want to never complain about your problems. Ty for sharing this... much appreciated...

This was probably your best podcast Chris. Powerful.