I've lost both my parents to COVID. This is so true. I'm sick of people telling me to cheer up, or to "look at the bright side" (wtf?). I want to tell them to shut up.

@saadelassami8382

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry for your loss ⁦:'(⁩

@LYJmusic

3 жыл бұрын

They have no right to undermine your feelings, that is a catastrophic loss. I stand in your grief with you my friend, although I am a stranger, I am here to tell you that your feelings matter and the lives of your parents matter as well. Peace be with you.

@sherriewilliams-intuitiveh6487

3 жыл бұрын

I am truly sorry and send you my deepest sympathies. Feel your parents in the midst of the quietest moments for they are there. I know people always seem to try to fix people but I am giving you something I know to be true. We are connected with our loved ones now, forever and always. This is not the end. It truly isn’t. Love and light to you.

@Mila-Nova

3 жыл бұрын

Gwen I am very sorry for your loss. I recently lost my grandfather to Covid and my grandma is currently hospitalized due to Covid. I know people try to be helpful but sometimes they don't know what to say. Like my friend who said "he is in a better place now" like that's is such bull crap to me. Like I know she is trying to cheer me up but that's not what I want to hear right now. A better place would be him here with his family not him being gone. I don't blame her she has never lost anyone but it's not comforting to hear that.

@purplestarm8864

3 жыл бұрын

A friend that I lost touch contacted me and I got to know he lost both parents. I am not sure how to support him especially when we aren't close and he already has a large circle of friends. I have written a couple of times saying that I'm there if he needs someone to speak. Any advice will be great.

So right. I lost my husband recently. Didn’t even want people to know because it’s so hard to deal with the “brightsiders.” My best friend just sits with me and lets me cry....no advice, no cheery suggestions...just an arm around the shoulder, boxes of Kleenex, an an occasional ‘I love you.’

@moja59

5 жыл бұрын

Up to "here" with the "brightsiders!" I know what you mean about not wanting to even tell people because you'll have to deal with their attempts to "fix it." So sorry for your loss.

@KaylaJohnson1995

5 жыл бұрын

Omg :( that sucks I'm sorry

@fuzzyizmit

5 жыл бұрын

You have a truly wonderful friend.

@heatherlove6958

5 жыл бұрын

Absolutely...people who don’t deal with the empty home, bed, quietness where there once was sound, it’s just so easy for them to want you to look at the bright side and move forward. And in reality, it’s not for you, it’s for them. The basis of the human condition is utter and total selfishness.

@consciouspointers

4 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry ❤️

The fact that over 1million People is looking here to do research how to help a grieving loved one correctly is wonderful in itself.... ❤

@sergeyosipov3378

Ай бұрын

Oh my god thank you for this comment! Really beautiful to think about it..

"The human soul doesn't want to be advised or fixed or saved it simply wants to be winessed exactly as it is" True😔

@pouletbidule9831

3 жыл бұрын

69 likes

@khold7560

3 жыл бұрын

Because our culture lives in constant denial of problems...people learn to avoid depressed people...started in early days of childhood when someone doesn't fit in pranks, parties or games. Society failure. Parents failure . School failure...

@barbaramartins9224

3 жыл бұрын

@khold 75 Absolutely True.

@su....

4 ай бұрын

i understand, but actually i do want my soul fixed and saved.

Do NOT say "just get over it" or "don't be a baby". Everyone grieves differently. Just be aware, listen, and be a friend.

@chickennuggetpaw1017

4 жыл бұрын

Yes. Especially when it’s something that the other person finds small or something that shouldn’t mean anything, like if their fish dies. I hate how some people think that just because they cat handle something, means that everyone else can, too.

@kivalewis4302

4 жыл бұрын

If u say that to a friend ur not their friend

@jesseishere9959

3 жыл бұрын

Amen!

@lashaunclaire4257

3 жыл бұрын

Why would someone say that omg

@fahimaih

3 жыл бұрын

If someone told me to “sToP bEiNg A bAbY” while I’m grieving, I’d want to slap tf out of them.

When my Dad passed away in 2020 the most comforting thing I heard was from a co-worker. She acknowledged there was nothing she could do to change the situation, but she was sorry I was experiencing my grief and she was thinking of me. Acknowledge the grief and show you care. That's the best one can do.

@happyguy201

Жыл бұрын

so sorry for your loss and our deepest condolences to you and your family.I'm from UK and in April 15th 2022 in the Muslim holy month of Ramadan we lost our beutiful beloved mother age 63 after a heart attack at home. It has changed our lives completely and our home is never the same. Me and my older sister we work in retail and our amazing colleagues are so supportive of us. I was away until June and my sister until July and ever since getting back to work every giving their prayers and kind words and management being patient with us. Also lot of our colleagues we call our friends they called us whilst we were away regularly to check on us and pray for our mum. Some of them even attended the funeral. So today at work on myself and on behalf of my sister and our family we thanked our co workers for their wonderful support and kindness and got them sweets in our canteen as a small gesture. They continued their support and told me they are available anytime for me and my sister in our most difficult times and I promised them the same aswell. It helps alot.

My daughter is in pain. She has to face her own death. I let the tears flow and acknowledged her.

@ThePianoPlayer93

4 жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear that. :( If I May ask... How is she?

@purpleconnies

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry

@tanatos5

4 жыл бұрын

My father and my very best friend (my one brother) died one after the other. (And so much more..) All I wanted was somebody to acknowledge my pain. Nobody understood. I acknowledge your pain and especially the situation of your daughter. I pray and wish hardest that she is now alive and faring well. But if not; I recognise your suffering and respect you as such.

@its_lemon_19

4 жыл бұрын

tanatos5 So sorry.

@its_lemon_19

4 жыл бұрын

Wendy Tarasoff So sorry.

i rewatched this endless times after my grandmother passed for comfort. because i didn’t have anyone to comfort me. i just wanted to say thank you for the content you make, it helps

My best friend that I've been with for about 7 years lost her dad recently because he got hit by a bus. Whenever she needs to talk about it, I let her talk. Whenever she needs to show me pictures of her dad, or things she gave her dad, or even things her dad gave her, I always let her because I know how important it is to her.

@teunvanwezel2282

5 жыл бұрын

Well then you are a wonderful human being. It shows through your words just how much love you have for this person. Stay strong, fellow human.

@lope1258

4 жыл бұрын

Mwer Keller hi I need help my friend also lost her dad but I’ve never had this situation and I don’t know what to tell her but I want her to know I care

@laseret1

4 жыл бұрын

You are a wonderful friend.

@highlander6573

4 жыл бұрын

Yiiikes don’t say anything. Just listen whenever they want to talk. If they don’t want to talk, then leave them alone.

@OceanicPearlz1

Жыл бұрын

I didn’t know how to deal with her pain…and I tried to support her and comfort her

Thank you for this. I lost my oldest son not quite four months ago to a motorcycle accident. He was 26. Everyone reached out to me for the first couple weeks, then just disappeared. People I hadn't heard from for years were all of a sudden there, then gone. It truly made me feel like everyone just wanted to be a part of the tragedy, until THEY felt like it wasn't tragic anymore. My daughter and I talk about him and the accident often, the good and the bad, but I sometimes wonder if anyone else truly gets it. I want to scream to people that just because he died, doesn't mean he never existed. And while I know this is something I will never get over, only get through, it would be nice to have others acknowledge that, even though it's been "this long", for a part of me, it will always be "Thursday". Update: my best friend and husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly Friday December 14. Please keep me in your thoughts. I am heartbroken. Update: it's been nearly three years since my son passed, two and a half for my husband. I am continually grateful for all who replied in the beginning, and to those who still do so now. I never imagined that after all this time, there would still be perfect strangers who care enough to reach out. Please know you all mean the world to me. And if nothing else, I've learned to be kind. You never know when someone is going through the unimaginable.

@refugeingrief

5 жыл бұрын

oh my goodness, Katherine - four months is barely a minute ago. How awful it is that so much of the world thinks you should be over something like this, or even suggest that it's been a long time.

@katherinevanatti2225

5 жыл бұрын

@@refugeingrief yes ma'am, you are very right. It's not pleasant to have to censor yourself in conversation. Or see the look on their faces when I tell people that he now lives on my mantle. And these are people who aren't even aware of the horrific details of the accident that I have spared them from, in consideration of their feelings. Thank you for replying, it means a lot

@suzannapulics3030

5 жыл бұрын

Dear Katherine, I’m sorry for your loss. I remember how comforting was getting any sympathy notes even from far away when I lost my 19 year old son in a tragic accident. For me the every day yoga practice with meditation is essential, I wouldn’t survive without. Furthermore I did plenty of therapies. If you could find a support group nearby or a grief recovery method specialist, whatever suits you. Please don’t hide, ask for support, we all need it. Sending you love

@lindseyellefsen4596

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your painful experience, Katherine. It is helpful for the rest of us to know how you feel after such a tragic loss. I'm going to remember this with friends and loved ones who are grieving. I hope you are feeling loved and supported from those closest to you. I'm truly sorry for the loss of your son who deserved to live out his dreams for the future.

@katherinevanatti2225

5 жыл бұрын

@@lindseyellefsen4596 Thank you Lindsey, for such a dear and heartfelt response. I had not ever put it in the perspective of a "teachable moment" for others to use to help grieving loved ones. I am eternally grateful that you have seen it as such. It has now been 6 months, and while it doesn't get easier, it does get different. Now we often talk about Daniel the person, not just Daniels death or the accident. Thank you again for your kind words. It really means a lot ~Kathy

I’ve been a mental health nurse for a long time now. I’ve worked with so many different kinds of patients over the years, from kids to the elderly. And one thing i find myself saying often is ‘your feelings are valid. You have the right to feel how you feel’. And for a lot of people they’ve never been told that. People are told to buck up, get over it, just try harder because the people around them cannot cope with what they are seeing. And that’s so wrong. So, if anyone reading this comment right now is feeling grief, sadness, alone or anything else please remember your feelings are valid.

My best friend just passed away yesterday from heart disease. She was 35. It’s devastated me. Thank you for this

@methatlovescats3602

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry

@khushikasaudhan3923

2 жыл бұрын

So sorry for yur loss 🥺

@MsEgwene

Жыл бұрын

I know it's been two years. I'm so sorry for your loss.

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.” - Stephen Chbosky

@lilimarlene7813

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. Just because someone is having it worse than me shouldn’t make me feel better.

@klaasvaker2883

2 жыл бұрын

It's like you can not be happy because someone else is happier at that moment.

@emilyroseayres84

2 жыл бұрын

A great quote. It's very damaging when someone says "Well at least you don't have it as bad as..." etc. when you're grieving. My mum (who has the best intentions but can be very unempathetic at times) has said this to me my whole life. When my partner passed away suddenly 2 yrs ago she told me a story about my step sister's cousin's husband (who mum's never even met) killing himself in an angry tone and said "So you're not the only who goes through this sort of thing Em."

@babyinvasion

Жыл бұрын

@@emilyroseayres84 I'm so sorry that happened to you. I lost my partner and also my best friend and these are not things to be diminished, especially by our own mothers. I hope you are moving through the greif with solace and some days I hope you find joy. Painting , baking/cooking and music/writing all help me with greif. All the best to you 🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍

Presence speaks louder than your words. Just be there with them, don’t go cheering them up.

This is one thing I wish my boyfriend understood. I don't want him to make me smile, I don't want him to cheer me up... I just want to suffer in peace, if that makes sense. Let me grief, I don't want to force myself into a 'good mood', I want to cry, and be angry, and alone. And if he was there to be alone with me, everything would feel less painful than "I try my best to make you happy and I never succeed".

I like the last part... "Being heard helps. It seems too simple to be of use but acknowledgment can be the best medicine we have. It makes things better even when they can't be made right."

True! I lost my son and there were very few people who understood. My advice. Find someone who gets it! Let us be in pain! Don’t fix.

I believe that when someone tries to cheer up or give advice to a grieving friend, he or she is really trying to get the friend to stop making him or her uncomfortable. It's well-meaning, but selfish. Acknowledging grief and wading into it is difficult and uncomfortable, so we tend to avoid doing so. Also, I've noticed that if a grieving friend doesn't respond in the expected way to these attempts to fix them, the other person tends to get upset at him or her, saying demeaning crap like, "why can't you just get over it already?".

@missd7886

5 жыл бұрын

I believe so too. All of a sudden one has to deal with the other ppl's emotions too... the irony....

@janicetrudeau8661

5 жыл бұрын

Miigwech for making and sharing this video Megan Devine, I really appreciate it and I believe it is affirming for my own, people I love and my community members in our own grieving processes. I have posted and shared it on my f.b. feed.

@cashtonreynolds5088

5 жыл бұрын

I know what you mean my friends girlfriend just died and I don’t want to say something to make him cry cause I’ll cry and I’ll make him feel bad

@martywilsonlife

5 жыл бұрын

Exceptional observation. It is very selfish. Sometimes it's not at all well-meaning. Which btw, i'm reminded that some folks who are unable to support a friend or family member going through a severe loss, have anhedonia (the inability to experience emotions). Or they have some type of addiction. I don't know all the mechanisms behind it, but smoking cigarettes not only helps to calm our nerves, but it helps us to stop feeling emotions. This is part of why a smoker rushes to their cigarettes during a crisis. If they can't feel their own emotions, they're unlikely to feel yours.

@amyjones4362

4 жыл бұрын

I don't agree with this at all, I think thoughts like these - that everyone is selfish and doesn't understand - are part of the sickness of grief in the first place. Everyone has to go through grief at some point and it is easy to have empathy for universal situations. People care and offer caring and sometimes we reject it because we are sad and angry and that makes the carer feel useless and rejected and then they don't try again because they are scared of making things worse. Propagating the idea that people are all very selfish and do not care about one another is not particularly useful or particularly true.

Witness and acknowledge. The greatest balm to a grieving soul.

Bravo. I love this message "It makes things feel better even thought they can't be made right"

@interstellarwarrior

5 жыл бұрын

This was a powerful statement!

when my best friend died many years ago it devastated my friendship group. People don't always realise the impact of losing a best friend, followed by a friendship group being all at sea with their own grieving. For her 50th (over 20 years after her death) we, along with her husband and family, instigated a new award at our old school celebrating her gentle kindness. The grief in us all was right up there still raw in a way but more containable. It's good to keep talking, if people can bear to listen and share together.

I lost both of my parents when I was 20. And I was deeply in pain. People told me to be strong. Time will heal everything. I know. But those advice made me feel even more lonely. And it hurt me more. People really need to know, the most healing things we can ever do with someone who is in pain, is to sit there, and be willing to share the pain.

Just be present. Don't tell them how to grieve. Just be there, listen, and let them walk through the feelings and why not hold their hand along the way?

I think the hardest thing is finding that person who will want to consistently acknowledge your grief. For most, they will do it once if that and then you never hear from them again because they expected you to be done grieving right away. The reality is it only becomes worse because no one wanted to support you in your grief and now you feel isolated on top of grieving (if that makes sense) they were all keen to move on with their lives because loss has not impacted their lives and they will pretend like nothing happened but you don't have that option. At least this was my experience, my father died when I was 15 and my mother died when I was 28, it set a pretty upsetting view of the people in my life (including family).

@wubbalubbadubdub9843

5 жыл бұрын

I have a friend who lost his father today . He is 15 years old . He lives in another country but we meet each summer . We are generally good friends . I already wrote him a letter but i feel like i want to do more but i think he needs some time alone . He told me once that he never cries . he didn’t even cry when his grandma was dead although he was very close to her . I just wish i was with him to at least be there for him . But idk

@melindafigueroa2903

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.. my boyfriend dad died when he was 18. He lost his older sister to surgery complications in January. This August 1,2020 he mother died of Covid-19. I want to be there all the way for him .i wish I could take his pain away. Sometimes I don’t even say anything at all when he cries. I really don’t feel a good support when I do that. I’m afraid of saying and doing all the wrong things

@Luluerin

3 жыл бұрын

@@melindafigueroa2903 There isn't anything you can really say but the best thing you can do is to be there and spend time with him. Actions speak louder than words.

@aicerg

3 жыл бұрын

I understand how you feel isolated, it's exactly how it feels. But I try to remind myself that my grief is mine and not one person will experience it the way I do, and that I have to appreciate their efforts (that one time they tried), because there are people who won't even try or care at all.

@MrMossyface

2 жыл бұрын

I lost my daughter then my husband four months later. Just acknowledge the pain and loss and be available for them to talk.

Thank you for this. I recently lost both of my parents and when people tell me "At least you have memories of them" it only makes it worse because I don't want them to just be memories I want them to still be here and I can't have that.

@catherinepestano7799

5 жыл бұрын

I am so very sorry to hear of this terrible double loss. Hang in there, it must be truly awful for you right now. Sending loving thoughts x

@foxboy1978

5 жыл бұрын

@@catherinepestano7799, thank you. Taking it moment by moment. Doing as well as I can.

@kristenpilling9174

5 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! It's not up to others to decide when we're ready to reflect fondly on memories of our loved ones. That's completely up to us to determine when we're ready and that takes time

@PiyushScorchers

4 ай бұрын

Hey i m there for you.

Everyone grieves in their own way and there is no time table on it. Sometimes people just want to be left alone. A comment that was made to me was "call me when you get over it" well, that comment was just another heartbreak - and the worst thing you can say to someone, no matter how long ago it was.

@Lovergirl44

4 жыл бұрын

Stefanie Hanlon or I miss the old you for some reason that hurt me and stuck with me

This is wonderful and needed. My mother died unexpectedly 4 years ago. What I found was that even your best friends want you to get over it. If people have never really felt grief, it is impossible for them to get it. One friend who is pretty much one of the most compassionate people I know once told me not to sit too long in my grief. I know it was supposed to be helpful, but I NEEDED to sit in my grief. So, I sat alone. Now after 4 years, there is still not a day that goes without a thought of my mother, but it doesn't stab me in the heart any longer. If someone is or has already experienced loss, the best thing a friend can do is sit with them in their grief.

@fauzianalwoga1002

2 ай бұрын

Just realized all my so called friends and relatives are selfish after losing my mom

I wish more people around me knew this. It hurts so much when they try to cheer me up. It feels as though they’re saying “just get over it, you’re overreacting”

I lost both my parents during the pandemic and it feels like I can’t relate to anyone. I trying to find my tribe of support that “ get it “. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏽

@PiyushScorchers

4 ай бұрын

Hey i m there for you

This is so true. I lost my baby boy one day after his due date, he was perfectly healthy. People have said soooo many odd things to try to cheer me up, “at least it happened now and not when he was 1” - that makes me feel like they don’t think my baby is as important as a 1 year old! “You’ll have another baby and be a mom one day” - another baby will never replace my son, and I’m still a mom. It’s true, I have a friend who will just sit and cry with me, she loves to talk about my son- this is the only thing that makes me feel better.

I feel like I spend so much time overthinking what I should say because it would kill me knowing that I've said the wrong thing that I end up just staring blankly into space and not saying anything at all! This video helped a lot. Thank you

@jenniferprevost7077

3 ай бұрын

Being at a loss of words isn't a bad thing. I'd sit quietly with them and let them know that their feelings are valid and that I don't know how to respond other than just being by their side

i really really hate it when people try to make things better by saying "its gonna be ok" or "itll get better" even though i know theyre trying and i appreciate that

@Sammie551

3 жыл бұрын

What about they're in a better place (that's if you're religious) I feel I did a mistake

@Sammie551

2 жыл бұрын

@@kelleymcfadden9675 I don't believe in fairytale books

My friend’s dad had a heart attack. It was unexpected and he doesn’t even know yet. I feel really sad and want to help him so bad but didn’t really know how. So I ended up here. I hope I’ll be able to listen.

@ehumphreys8253

3 жыл бұрын

You will. As long as they know you are listening when they talk and when they can't, in other words whenever you are there. You may be surprised at how natural it feels, and how much easier it is than thinking of things to say to make it seem better.

Thank my friend's mom might die very soon and this is helping me comfort him and also please everybody pray for his family

So true.. you want to leave people alone when they are grieving... I lost my dad 10 years ago, and all my friends tried to cheer me up. It didn’t work. Don’t take away the pain it will help you a lot.. I am a very sensitive and emotional person and cry pretty much everyday.. I was diagnosed with bad depression.. all my friends are trying to make me smile but never works.. you just have to let the grief take its own path

This is so true... It can be quite cruel when we're grieving to have people around trying to "cheer you up", when being heard is all you need, to be allowed to cry and be aknowleged in your pain. Thank you for this video.

the cultural training we get to look on the bright side is SO FREAKING STRONG!!!

This is an excellent analysis of how to help someone with grief. I observed my father die of a heart attack when I was 13. Even as a kid it seems like nobody gives a shit after two weeks. A lot of people say “I’m sorry”. While their hearts are in the right place, it doesn’t do anything, and really drives a wedge of misunderstanding between the two people. The methods discussed in this video are exactly what helped support me the most over the last four years. Well done. On another note, for anyone who knows children dealing with the loss of a close family member, look into experience camps. They provide free specialized summer camp for grieving kids. It changed my life, and it has impacted countless others. It is a great thing to do for them.

So glad the internet exists because I have to go comfort some twins that just lost their mother and I've never dealt with that level of grief myself so I was worried I'd make it worse. Now I know to wear a shirt I'm ok with getting tears and snot on. Shout out to everyone in the comment section and I wish you all the best.

@Bro_meme

11 ай бұрын

How are they now?

This is very good advice. I lost my 20 year old son. I did not want to be talked out of my pain. I wanted to be left alone. But, had someone said; I'm sorry your hurting do you want to talk about it?" Or a friend or family member to just be there put your hand on my shoulder and just be there. No words. Sometimes when people are grieving they just need lots of time let them sleep let them cry let them grieve. Encourage them to join a support group asap. It saved my life. I joined GriefShare and became a facilitator. God blesses all tears. God bless all that are hurting.

The illustration is an amazing visualization of the way humans greif

I’m here because my best friend just called me telling me her grandmother passed & they were extremely close. Most of the call was spent in silence on my part, but I told her that I was sorry this happened and that it was okay for her to fall apart about the grief. And she was definitely fall apart. Thank you for making this video & for the animation!

@taebooty6460

3 жыл бұрын

I'm in your situation rn, my bestfriend texted me that her grandma died and I don't know what to say, I've been searching in the internet of ehat should I say, please help

This is the most genuine, straight from the heart depiction I've ever seen❤️

Thank you so much for addressing this hard topic! The dad of my best friend recently died and he completely isolated himself for half a year now. Yesterday we finally talked and it was so hard to deal with the topic. By putting myself into his shoes, asking myself "Would I like to hear that if I was griefing?", I only sat there, hugging him and telling him that the pain will eventually cease but probably will exist forever and that that is okay and it is actually beautiful, that in the end, just because someone dies, they are not forgotten but people remember them, especially in their pain.

I recently lost my life partner to cancer. It was a massive shock, and from diagnosis to her last day was just over 3 weeks. She was the love of my life, my rock, my partner in this adventure called life. She was taken away from us too quickly and didn’t deserve any of this. It has devastated me totally and 8 weeks on I still find it as painful as ever. Life has lost all meaning and every day is a massive struggle. Some friends have been wonderful listeners and I’m having grief counseling. Through that counseling I was shown this video. And what a video. It clearly illustrates what I’m feeling and how best to help. It’s one of the most wonderful things I’ve seen in a long time. And I’m now sending it to family and friends. Thank you so very much for creating this. In some strange way I find it comforting for myself. I play it often. Even though the pain never leaves me.

@yan-amar

6 ай бұрын

I hope you're hanging in there since your comment. I lost my best friend today and it was totally unexpected. We didn't live together but we talked everyday, messaged each other everyday, shared everything. I feel distressed that I can't talk to her anymore. And guilty I wasn't with her. I can recommend another video to you I just watched: 5 Things About Grief No One Really Tells You, it appeased me a little bit.

I suffered a very painful loss of a relationship a few years ago....and this video was so so helpful....I still share it with so many friends and family members. You cannot take someone's pain away...I agree 100%. Just be there to acknowledge....and listen. Best medicine in the world thank you so much for sharing.

This is beautiful and so accurate. It helps just to have someone listen to me talk about my grief when I need to without feeling like the person is going to try to cheer me up or make me feel like I can’t talk about it.

I really needed to watch this, wow. I lost my mom a month ago, and indeed, there were people who wanted to cheer me up. The ones who leaned in and stood in the grief with me really helped. I really appreciate your content. Thank you ❤️

Just being there for someone, being mentally present, acknowledging and empathizing with the hurt, and timing make a world of difference for someone you care about and/or want to console.

So true!!!! With the tragedies I’ve been through and speaking for myself unsolicited advice is the very worst thing for someone to do to and the last thing I want!!! People that think they are helping me are actually ripping my heart out and making my situation worse. Unless you’ve walked in my shoes, you haven’t any idea what I’m feeling or going through… Saying you’re sorry is enough unless I’ve asked for your help.

People are so weird, barely anyone knows how to deal with me... My boyfriend of 7yrs passed in March during Covid19..so I've had no choice but to isolate while in quarantine through my mourning 💔😪.... EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THIS! Im going to share this! Thank you for this video. Nice touch with the animated cartoon animals...its calming, as is the narrators voice.💖

@jessicadelgado1733

3 жыл бұрын

my best friend just recently lost her mom due to Covid also, she has it herself and I feel horrible knowing she’s going through all of this in quarantine herself..

A friend of mine just had a pet die in her family and now she’s gone out of town. So, I sent her the following message the next day after we talked about it a little bit. “Hey, so I know you said that there isn’t much that I could do to help with everything, especially since you’re going to be going to camp, and you do your best thinking on your own, but I still want to do my part and help in someway. So, I’m just gonna be checking up on you everyday to see how you’re doing. If you can’t respond at all, that’s completely fine. I just want to make you feel supported and cared about because that’s what you deserve. Anyway, I hope you were doing okay yesterday and I hope you’re doing okay today. Best wishes to you and your family, love you and have a good day!” I don’t know if that was the best thing to say in this situation, but it felt right.

@thesixxter

3 жыл бұрын

I wish u was my friend my friends just laughed or ignored me I hate this generation

@karishmachaudhary9953

2 жыл бұрын

@@thesixxter hey, I know we aren't familiar with the existence of each other, but I believe that something led me into reading your comment in the exact same time that I've been feeling emotional and wanting to express something, anything, through writing. A lot of stuff has went down in my maternal family, I won't get into any details but I care deeply about my mother who's had to face all the losses one after another. Anyway, since we have little to no chance of meeting or getting to know each other in this lifetime, I just wanna say that with the 9 months that have passed between me and you writing these comments, I sincerely hope that you're in a better place in your life. I'm not even sure if KZread's shitty notification glitch will even inform you of my reply, but oh well I'm gonna try. I believe in you, and in your strength to overcome such annoying and heart-breaking hurdles of life. May you feel the support and care from my side, and from the people around you like you deserve. You go, human!💖💖💖

I lost my hubby of 13 years 9 months ago I'm so sick and tired of hearing people telling me it'll be ok things will get better, and recently have been told I need to suck it up and move on already that makes me mad as hell. I love my husband with all my heart and soul he was my soulmate sometimes I just wish people that has never lost a spouse would just shut the hell up if they haven't had a lose like that they have no business telling us to move on.. it's not like we can just brush off our grief whenever we want..

@kierrrrsten0520

3 жыл бұрын

This guy I’m dating lost his mom and is pushing me away so bad when I try to go over to comfort him or reach out. No reply. What do you wish people would have done or said to you in that moment? I’m really lost and can’t sleep at night knowing he’s probably lonely.

@lilimarlene7813

3 жыл бұрын

Three years after losing my husband of 40 years....you never “get over it”. It becomes part of you, a big hole in your heart that you are just forced to live with.

@richardmcguinn732

Жыл бұрын

@@lilimarlene7813 I came across your comment at the grief of love ones post here. ☹️That’s so touching and I know how it feels to be lonely without our love ones, we've all loss our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, I truly understand how you feel cos I’ve felt same hard and terrible experiences before but death is just inevitable no matter how hard we try! And we'll all have to face it someday, and every of our love ones we’ve loss will always want to see us happy again wherever they’re okay. I loss my oldest daughter February 24th 2020 in a crucial car accident, and she just turned 22 on her last birthday before she got knocked down by a moving vehicle 🚗 and so unlucky for me that horrible day the driver was drunk. That was the worst and most lamenting day of my whole life as a single Dad raising two kid's. My son and my 4 legged 🐶 families are my everything and the reason I still keep strong, and keep going! My late wife passed away three years ago from a shocking disease, I felt devastated with grief, and I was so heartbroken 💔 but God and time are indeed the best healers. I pray and hope you’ve found peace, comfort and happiness again.

My friend from school was recently widowed. I feel so deeply for her. My heart goes out to all the people who are dealing with loss.

Thank you for this, it’s so genuine. I had a stray puppy who I got so attached to and really loved like my own child, but I was at fault for when he prematurely died. My “best friend” tried to console me on two or three occasions but by the fourth time he told me to get over it. Took me a long time to figure things out and that he was only looking out for himself, and that I was losing more by following people like that. I don’t think I’ll ever get over my dog’s death, but I have definitely grown up immensely since then. Appreciate every second with your loved ones because you never know when they will be snatched away.

This video would’ve helped me explain myself when I was going through a bad/traumatic time even though it wasn’t a loss or death.

In other words, let them find thier own way.. just be there with them & for them while they're doing it ❤🙌🙏

This video is beyond needed, and not only when the person is grieving, but when is suffering for many other reasons. I can relate to this need for "simple" acknowledgement very often. Thank you so very much.

I think some truly want to make the person feel better bc they can relate to what the person is going thru. I've def made the mistake of making a few positive comments and letting the person know that I'm there for them, then back off bc I don't want to overwhelm. I feel terrible bc I fs didn't want to come off as this. Thanks for the lesson learned fr!

This is also valuable advice for helping yourself through grief

I'm grateful to have come across this. The last few months I've been learning and thinking about emotional support and care, and how I can engage with providing (and perhaps receiving) those things in a way that is more beneficial to both sides. Being a man - and raised/socialized as such - I've almost always tried to help people by "fixing"; pointing out positives, trying to help them see things from a different perspective, suggesting things that have helped me, etc. - all attempts to help them move on/feel better relatively quickly. I'll include validation of what someone is feeling, but have never practiced just sitting with someone's emotions, letting them hurt and move through as they need to. And that's just what I learned from how others would approach me, and also a sort of internalized expectation that men aren't supposed to be emotional, or if we are, that we're supposed to get over it quickly. So even the way I support myself, internally, has always been focused on quickly being ok again. It wasn't until recently that some important people in my life began sharing their need to just be heard and that there are more ways to be supportive. And it's not that I've lacked the empathy or desire to help loved ones as best I can, I was just never given the tools, or even the understanding that there were other ways to help. So I'm really grateful for the people who have helped my realize this, and for this video that has helped deepen my understanding, so that I can start practicing just being present, listening, and being there to give what I can, when it is asked of me.

The best thing anyone can do is: listen to them!

When my Dad died suddenly over 10 years ago, it felt like everyone NEEDED me to "move on" to "be strong". My partner at the time would compare my grief experience to his friends who was "more silent and classy" about it...yeah that go said. Friends and Family now wonder why I am a little cold around my Dad's death despite him and I being close. I feel its because I learned what I feel for my Dad is so precious and at times so painful that to roll the dice on being misunderstood is just not worth it. All I try to do now is be the person I needed when I encounter others struggling with grief.

Thank you for this video. All of this is so very true. I recently lost my mom and I do not know if I will ever stop grieving, there is a big part of me gone. Ths is very good advice. Thank you

Thank you Megan, I'm in tears as I write this. I lost my soul child Nicholas 3 years and 3 months ago today due to an undiagnosed AVM which led to a massive cerebral hemorrhage. I found him on the floor. It feels like it was yesterday. I'm glad you wrote your book. I am reading it. You get it. Nobody in my world does. Love to you.

@peterbowron1393

6 жыл бұрын

Kathleen, we get it too. Our daughter Jessica died, aged 7, from exactly the same, rare cause. It hurts and hurts and 23 years later it still hurts. I tear up at soppy films more than I used to (closing scene of the new Mamma Mia when Meryl Streep appears, as an example). We had wonderful support that let us grieve, people who were just there to be with us in our pain, to acknowledge our loss and to share their loss of her as well. The one thing that helped us is that we talked about her all the time, and doing this allowed them to talk about her as well. In our experience, people often clam up, in the mistaken thought that if they talk about your loss, it will make it worse. For us it didn't. All of her then young friends, and now adults, often parents themselves, are not afraid to remember and honour her memory. It will be "do you remember when we were at the beach, and we buried A & B and Jessica, and she didn't want to get out because the sand was so warm.... " or some such. She is not excluded, and to that extent, she is still with us - it's more like you'd talk about her if she'd just moved to another country. We were "lucky", in that we found her just before she slipped into unconsciousness, get her to the hospital while she was dying, and we opted to donate her organs for transplant. This meant that they kept her body alive for about another 16 hours until they could line up all the recipients, so our closest friends were able to come and say goodbye to someone who looked unconscious rather than dead. It gave them something and shared the grief around. No one expected us to be better at anything other than our own pace, they just supported us. Much love to you, hope your friends love you as much as ours do us.

@kathleenlee4308

6 жыл бұрын

Much love to you too and thank you.

@kathleenlee4308

5 жыл бұрын

It's a sad world we live in Celeste. Gets sadder every day. Much love to you. I know your pain.

@juliag4436

5 жыл бұрын

Celeste Kaminska, you do not deserve abuse. At least from all of us here on KZread, we try to understand, we reach out our hearts to you, and we send you love and light ❤️✨

I lost my 6 yr old beautiful granddaughter to brain cancer last Dec. I've learned until a grieving person is ready to hear, no one can help.

@NancyRosePhotography

3 жыл бұрын

As a grandmother of two boys, I can't imagine anything worse. Prayers and hugs

@kathrynwalz1162

2 жыл бұрын

Dear sad grandmothers..My 3.5 year granddaughter died 2 months ago in a tragic accident. The pain is unbearable right now. Seeing the pain in my dear Son & his beautiful wife is excruciating. Megan’s book is so spot on , thank you Kathryn 🦋

My daughter and I love this. Thank you so much. Being heard, being witnessed really helps.

Excellent video. I'm going to share it with my prostate cancer support groups.

I think this is true in many situations. People just want to feel validated. No matter if it is grief or anger or frustration, etc. Just letting them know that you acknowledge that they feel this way can help the situation. It can calm them down sometimes to get them to be more responsive to positive thoughts and behaviors.

My son joined The Ancestors, October 29, 2019, and I feel exhausted with some asking "Are you better now?" It is so insensitive! Or, today a call came in from a person I have known less than a year who completely dropped off after my only child and only connected biological family is gone. I am in PAIN, I am present, fully present, aching, longing to know what happened, missing my closest friend, my everything! I am a Shaman & Medicine Women and I am doing my best to be in the absolute present moment and be here now, handle what I must and leave much of the rest! I have returned to "work" on a very part-time basis, and I couldn't agree more, I SHARED YOUR VIDEO on my Facebook page and the video was "gifted" to me by a woman who is also a business owner, who has come through for me in my deepest time of grief. I will NEVER be the same ever again, some of that will be positive, more present, more real, more aware of communication, healing, a deeper level of inner standing? I connect with him on the spiritual and yet I miss him so much in the physical. We had plans, lots of life long plans, he is so intelligent, so aware and was so caught up after a surgery that I protested adamantly. I so disagree with much of Western Allopathic Medicine for good reason. Accidents, first aid, burns, cuts, broken bones on some level but not healing. I am hoping that more people will listen to your video, your words and LEARN THE ART OF COMMUNICATION AND STANDING PRESENT FOR PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY ASK FOR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THEIR PAIN - thank you!

Absolutely right, I see people around want to bring us soon back to normal and think that's the way to console us. No, please. All we need is listening ears n touching hands, to keep our grief open exposed as much we want. It's a lesson and everyone should follow.

It's dismissive, how so many respond. I'm so grateful and thankful to anyone who ACKNOWLEDGES!

This is so true. I've seen many times someone tried and failed to cheer somebody up in grief.

Society doesn't teach us how to grieve or mourn or console anyone when death and tragedy strike but finally with youtube of all things we all can learn how to be better humans.

This video and the advice and it is just so much about what we need to know to support a loved one that is suffering from a loss. Thank you for the reminders

This really helps because I recently lost my baby brother and I can never let him go....it was hard on one of my sisters the most...I feel guilty about not being at the hospital when he was leaving...i’d do anything just to see him one last time....I really miss him and I don’t want to not be able to see him again...

my best friend's parents are going thru divorce i will take these tips and help him the most he has been my friend for 11 years and i wont leave him no mater what. thank you for the advise Megan

an old friend of mine in middle school, who's a sophmore now, just lost her dad to cancer on Christmas day. I cant even imagine her and her families pain rn. I'll be going to the funeral on Wednesday. please pray for them.

Many years ago my little girl died at l l/2 years and I remember the minister to tell me I could grieve for three days and "then get on with your life". Thank God advice has become more a reality. Thank you for this.

@Thomasfrohwitter

Жыл бұрын

How’s your day going with you?

Thank you for this video, I have a friend who’s dad recently passed away n this video went over everything I did… wrong, I thought I was helping her grieve by offering n talking w her but looking back I wasn’t really listening to her, I hope I can make up for it n this video helped me understand this tremendously. Thank you!

I lost my mum 2 months ago and it's very difficult. 😭

@stealthynea8438

5 жыл бұрын

Sarah Jane Dueñas my condolence. It‘s never easy, still going through it myself. Look after yourself and your close ones 💕

@kenzies.9325

5 жыл бұрын

Sarah Jane Dueñas my friend just lost her mom today and I’m trying to figure out how to be for her😭

@mobeenx4

5 жыл бұрын

Sarah Jane Dueñas I hope you can get through this your so strong have a great day

@icyivy2424

4 жыл бұрын

Sending a big hug 🤗 I've lost my own 15 years ago and it still hurts like hell... I developed a clinical depression... please get as much as support from ppl around you

@chickennuggetpaw1017

4 жыл бұрын

That’s really sad. Especially if you’re young, and still lived with her. I know this was a year ago, but I still offer my condolences.

Oh my, yes 🙌 💚 this touched me deeply

there are some wounds that dont close, and some losses that will never be okay. but you have got to let that be a force that drives you, not an excuse not to try.... these lines are by ava dellaira ... i believe there are plenty ways to help a sad person. one of which i think is to indulge them in something really productive and distracting and cathartic... i mostly recommend books relevant to them for read. if someone loses any of their loved one and cant at over with that feeling of loss; i would really like to recommend them books written by ava dellaira "love letters to the dead" and "in search of us" they might broke you heart but will definitely get it together .... love and good wishes to everyone who needs it. ~A~

This is very beautiful. Thank you for making this, it made me understand my own grief a bit better.

What about trying to help a grieving friend who is very introverted and private? I really do respect her need to grieve in private, and I have expressed that my heart is with her even when I can’t be. I don’t want to intrude, but it’s so hard to know how often it is ok to reach out. If she would prefer a shallow conversation as a reprieve? Or when it is ok to say, “I miss him too.” knowing that my own tears might feel burdensome? I really appreciate this video and your FB page got me through a very hard time of my own grief. It was a true refuge. Thank you.

@kellywatson1985

5 жыл бұрын

CarterCrewLife trauma focused therapist here. Saying, “I miss him too” would actually be a great way to connect. I worked with a child once who’s mother was murdered, and his aunt was caring for him. One day in therapy she mentioned how much she missed her sister, and he seemed so relieved by that-she wasn’t soothing or one-upping him, she was joining him. Even if someone cognitively acknowledges that others are feeling the same way, being reminded can still feel very validating.

Literally my masters in a video. Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Thoughtful and relieving. Thanks. I've just been in a funeral where I saw my best friend, my dearest human soul sad as sadness goes.. I couldn't open up a conversation neither did he, I hugged him and I walked out and never talked to him since. I thought - as this video suggests - that if I let him undisturbed, if Iet him boil it off for the next few days it would be better than a dozen cute messages every now and then that would only make it harder for him. I wish I made the right choice, I hope I did. I wish you the best of luck Abdulaziz.

Thank you for posting. I lost my daughter years ago and have recently had 3 friends who have lost their children in the last year. While everyone's intentions are pure, it is something that can't be fixed, and the comments often made can be more painful and lead to isolation. After losing a child, having to survive that, the next worst thing is having to pretend it's all ok, or not being able to talk about your child or grief because others are uncomfortable or can't understand. I shared your video for my friends who recently lost their children. Thank you for your video, well done.

I always say, they miss you too. I learned this from my son,

My friend just lost her friend to suicide. I really want to help her go through it, and I think this video will help. Thank you so much❤❤❤ She's amazing btw

This was such a beautiful, informative and succinct explanation of how to support someone in grief. Thank you, Megan!

The acknowledgement thing is so true. My daughter was stillborn last year, and so many people came to her funeral, but so few people actually spoke to me about her. I actually had someone tell me 6-9 months after she died, that she didn't want to say something to me because she didn't want to upset me. I guess I can understand where she was coming from. But so many people didn't even acknowledge my daughter's existence. No one asked what happened (I guess they thought it was too personal). So, I felt so incredibly alone. Still do, truth be told. Most people didn't try to cheer me up, they just didn't acknowledge that anything had happened at all. You never know how to deal with something like this unless you've gone through it. But I believe it's a topic that needs to be talked about.

@marmitelollypopsicle

5 жыл бұрын

We lost our son at 5 days old about 6 weeks ago and so many people just havnt mentioned it... Iv never experienced any thing like it, if I'd given birth and he had survived you wouldn't just ignore him!I wanted people to congratulate me on my birth and acknowledge his life, no. Mater how short! I just want to scream to people we have a son and tell everyone his name, luckily the people closest to us talk about him and acknowledge him.but I agree with you it needs to be talked about more! So sorry you lost your daughter, she will be up there with our baby (his name's Archer) dancing in the stars! I hope you don't feel too lonely, there is support out there x

@beautyforashes8284

5 жыл бұрын

marmitelollypopsicle Thank you so much! And I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Archer was a blessing to you for the short while he was here. It's hard because most people didn't see her. We didn't have a lot of visitors at the hospital (no one comes to see a dead baby). So to most people, I was pregnant and then simply was not. To them, my daughter is just an idea...she never really was real (or at least that's how it seems). But to me, she was every bit as real as if I'd had her for a lifetime, and she passed away. People think it's easier to lose a baby than a child, or an adult child, because you don't have the memories to haunt you. But that's the hardest part, for me, at least. I don't have the memories to comfort me. Just the "what ifs". Anyway, I'm glad that you've found support in your close family and circle of friends. RIP little Archer.

@marmitelollypopsicle

5 жыл бұрын

@@beautyforashes8284 I'm sorry not many people got to meet her, I hope you have some photos you can show people (if u feel comfortable) she deserves to be shown off, I'm sure she was beautiful! Hopefully in the future the more we talk about baby loss the more comfortable people Are talking about it/knowing how to deal with it. She was 100% real and I know she would so proud to call you her mom. Try and remember those Moments when she was inside you, kicking etc! Its wierd isn't it cuz u don't properly get to know them but you imagine the future, super small things too and all their firsts. But I'm going to try and celebrate him, make him a cake on his birthday etc. And your getting through the loss of a child if you can do this you can do anything! Don't forget to take care of yourself!

@beautyforashes8284

5 жыл бұрын

marmitelollypopsicle We made a cake for her first birthday, took it to the cemetery, released some balloons, and sang Happy Birthday to her. This was especially important to my older daughter, who turned 3 the day after she was stillborn. Yes, you make a marker in your mind of all of those milestones, and you see a baby around the same age, and know that's what size they would be, and what they would be doing. The milestones and holidays are the hardest. I'd love to tell you that it gets easier. Sadly, I can't. You just kind of get more used to the pain.

@AshBaby113

5 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter! I recently lost my son 2 days before his due date. After people find out about my son Aiden passing, they ask if I’m going to try again. As if a new child will, lessen my grief from losing my son. Or they say how amazing my body looks after just having him two weeks ago. Everyone thinks that I’m so strong but really I don’t want to break down in front of them because they all say everything happens for a reason or it’ll be okay, one day I’ll have a beautiful healthy baby. I just wanna to mourn my son Aiden. I want to feel like his life matters to someone else besides me. RIH Aiden Kyrie Plummer.

My best friend and now boyfriend lost his mother last November and it hurts me knowing I can’t really help him. What really sucks is He’s 17 and will be 18 the 20th of this month..he needed his mother, he didn’t even get to say goodbye because he didn’t know she was going to pass. She called him a few days before she passed but he didn’t answer her because he was stressed and couldn’t take hearing she was in pain. I’m not fully sure why she passed but I do know it had something to do with drinking and her liver. I’ve actually cried because I know that he’s going through so much..he doesn’t really show it often..but he’s strong and will get through it. ❤️

Thank YOU, Ms. Devine. Love this explanation and animation.

I'm helping a friend who has dementia. In her lucid moments, she says it's depressing and she wants it to end. I've been telling her that it's totally understandable to feel that way. She won't get better, and she needs people to acknowledge that... and to empathize with her sense of loss. Because that's really what it is.

@yan-amar

6 ай бұрын

I hope you're doing okay.

My childhood best friend was recently stabbed to death in a domestic violent crime. She was trying to move back home. She missed her home. And I don’t know what to do...

@juliag4436

5 жыл бұрын

Adri Bautista, I’m SO sorry for what happened to your best friend. Your experience is truly heart-rending. Sometimes you need to just let yourself cry, let yourself feel the void, and honour your best friend. Even though she has passed, that doesn’t eliminate the fact that she lived. Please honour and cherish the memories you have, and take care of yourself in this sad time-I’m sure she would have wanted you to. You can’t replace someone that special, but finding someone to talk to about this can help you feel less alone and more supported. ❤️💕 You are in my thoughts and prayers, love and light 💗✨

I lost a grown grandson in Jan of this year. I was sad and cried and still do some but I hadn't even seen him in years. In Oct a 20 year old granddaughter died leaving a 3 year old son. I sit at home every day and hear a song, story or see a picture and start crying again. I feel like I'm not supposed to cry or be upset, I try to be there for my daughter, but she has friends who are there and I'm not needed or wanted. As a grieving gramma, I need a hug now and then also. I lost her too.

@user-hz6kn2ul6c

3 жыл бұрын

Hi Vivian, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can make it known to your daughter that you need support through this time as well. Sometimes when people are in their own pain they neglect to see that of others, its natural. Sending you so much love :)

@MsViv48

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-hz6kn2ul6c Thank you for your thoughts. I wanted to share this... On Christmas Eve some of us got together to basically cry with each other because of missing my Granddaughter. One of her nieces (a great grand) didn't want to be with people because she missed her aunt. I took her aside and explained that we got together so if someone needed to cry others could cry with her. We both cried a few tears and I showed her a memorial that I made with some of the ashes. (couldn't afford the expensive jewelry ) I asked her if she would like one so she could have Auntie close and she said yes. She then felt better and went back to the group. Made me feel better to make her feel better.

@user-hz6kn2ul6c

3 жыл бұрын

Vivian Gentry that’s amazing 💛 I’m so happy you could hold space for each other! And your memorial sounds so beautiful!! Wishing you much love and blessings on your journey 💛💛💛

This is so very spot on. Thank you!

This is beautifully illustrated and stated. Thank you!

This is really beautiful, thank you. People who try to cheer you up don't realise that they're requiring you to listen to them and to adapt to what they want. In giving unsolicited advice they are actually saying to you "you can't think of this for yourself", and "I know better than you". When it's done to me it makes me feel so small and stupid. And lonely. It makes everything worse. It's easy to preach. It's very hard to sit with somebody in their dark place and just be there with them, be willing to listen.

@Thomasfrohwitter

Жыл бұрын

Hi Jennifer, how’s your day going with you?