Grieving? Know someone who is? Want to learn more? You're in the right place!
For over a decade, I’ve pioneered a more empathetic, inclusive and skillful response to grief of all kinds. This channel is my grief toolbox -- a place to keep all the strategies, insights, and helpful tips I've got to help you survive the difficult things life serves up. Anyone looking to learn more about grief is welcome here.
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For resources on grief of all kinds, plus clinical trainings and my best selling books, check out the website: www.refugeingrief.com
Grief is everywhere. That's not a downer, it's the truth.
Everyone's at least a little bit not ok these days, and it's time we start talking about that - together. Listen to It's OK that You're Not OK: the podcast wherever you get your shows.
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Yup. My mom passed two months ago. I have one sweater from her. My husband threw it in the wash and it felt heartbreaking. I mean, you have to let go eventually. It's just harder when it's decided for you.
Nobody asked me about an almost life size framed picture in my mom's chair at the dinner table. I kept it there because I didn't feel so alone when I ate at the table. A well meaning relative packed it in a box with mirrors framed in seashells and the picture got scratched up. I retrieved it, but the damage was done. It now sits in the new dining area in the apartment I had to move to. Noone will be allowed to touch it without my permission.
Yes you're right. People don't realize SO many things. It's really hard. I just usually refuse help it's easier than going into the problems with people coming thru. Some are just nosy , just want in the house to see our place, don't help too . Then they can talk about what's here. I do honestly find it helpful
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Insomnia for a year my wife of 13 yrs within 3 mths to cervix cancer tumor we thought was menopause n butt pain passed 8 1 23 otc sleep aids till they quit working at the 2 am options/// refused to be on antidepressants off label for sleep but meds as needed imho are better to lay off the otc stuff n use natural melatonin Valerian root passion flower n maybe 5 htp but it made my depression worse or gave me worse symptoms but did help with sleep some nights - never had a problem with sleep a had other love ones pass but this is another level :(
I lost my wife Marian almost 7 years ago and I still reach over to her side of the bed every morning the way I did when she was there. It just lets me reconnect with those moments we shared, even though she’s gone.
My husband has been gone for 18 months...his was a sudden/unexpected traumatic death. I have said that for me sleep is an escape...and the best part of the day...if there is a best part.
It has been 6 years & I still miss my soulmate, the life we never got to live….i’ve learnt to live with his death. It’s part of who I am now. Some days it’s light, some days it’s heavy, some days it is unbearable. But, what I wouldn’t give to have him back….grief never leaves, it just takes different forms and different space in your body.
I had anticipatory grief when I cared for my mother who had Alzheimer's. She'd been diagnosed with dementia by her primary care physician two years prior. As she declined, I woke at every little thing. As long as I was doing something for her or with her, my mind was focused on that. It was the quiet moments that I had to myself that I thought ahead. Sometimes when I woke up to silence I was scared that she had gotten worse overnight or even that she was gone. She would still be sleeping and I could breathe again. When hospice came in, once she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I started asking what should I do or who should I call if I'm here alone when she dies? I knew these things can often happen in the wee hours when nobody is available. Finally, the chaplain told me I could call him. He lived nearby so he could come when I needed him. That was such a comfort because I hadn't ever been responsible for someone on this level and didn't know what to do in that situation. I lost the vital person she was through Alzheimer's and then again through death.
Thank you so much. You really understand.
I am not suicidal at all, but I think sometimes is life worth living if it's just surviving day to day? Some times it's not worth it, but I go on - to what? I don't know. I'm trying to survive the passing of my husband of 48 years last September.
It’s been a little over 3 years since my husband of 4 decades died. Some days I still fell the same way. Hugs 🥰🥰
@@jeannegray6359 Thank you and hugs right back to you!
I totally get it… me, too. 9 mos ago…. Each day I wake up, put my big girl panties on and think…. Ok, how do I fill my time today? Would have thought I would have died from a broken heart. I’m just going through the motion of daily living and honoring my husband the best way I can.
All of your videos have been tremendously helpful to me, thank you. I cannot deal with the cheering squad grief therapists and the ones that map out ones grief in neat little stages. Your videos are always very grounded and real. A blessing. I'm always amazed at what the human spirit can endure. I think of people like Viktor Frankl when I am at my lowest.
Kindness and respect goes a long way ☺️
At 20 months into my mother's grief I wake with anxiety more days than not. Often it's due to sleep issues, but not always. There is still so much to process in my journey as my life continues and changes.
Thank you! Nights are always a battle with my personal grief demons, so my books are always at the bedside. Reading is the only thing that makes any sleep possible.
This validates how I am with my grief: it’s about the relationship I had and now have with my darling one, and the relationship we will continue to have. It all boils down to that. When people say I am just learning to live alone, I say NO! I am adapting to having a new relationship with my husband. Even guilt fits into this template. I forgive myself and him; he forgives himself and me. Sorry….Does this make sense? Megan, you always validate and support me with every post. Thank you so much ❤
Wow! You wrote what I've been thinking since my husband of 48 years passed last September. "I am adapting to having a new relationship with my husband." That says it all. Thank you!
I’m so glad I found you.
I lost my sister 6 years ago my family completely just disowned me because we looked too much like a couple years later I got pregnant but my fiance bagged me to have a kid only to never meet him. My son was diagnosed with down syndrome congenital heart failure and 3 months after he was born he had his first heart surgery, and it was a failure and then we spent the next 9 months and the DeVos hospital and even though his prognosis was not good and it is not good still he has exceeded any expectation any doctor ever had expected for him. He has over 20 diagnosis and is terminal. He's actually exceeded the prognosis for people who have the same medical history, I have always been is only care giver he requires 24 hour care. No break, no healthy balance, no time..... How do I find a way to get a healthy enough balance to continue to keep up with Elijah ❤ and his care, and be able to stop and enjoy being this miracles mom but also handle these different types and different stages of grieving? Is it even possible?... I watch you're videos as much as I can. You've done so much for me and my perspectives and helped with the way of feeling like I'm not in some ways wrong for how I feel about everything. Thank you
Grief lasts as long as love lasts......yes as long as I live, thank you.
I love that… grief lasts as long as love lasts. Very true.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve
I thought maybe i had depression but refused pharma meds - I tried over the counter 5-htp it helps to make you tired -but not sleep per se in my case, I've had extream insomnia since my wife of 13 yrs passed 8 1 23 of cervix cancer tumor within 3 months thinking it was menopause n butt pain :( she was only 50 - and i tried once st johns wart - but only a half pill as it can have bad side effects, n keep some awake, which i don't need, n many antidepressants will do the same like zoloft and have to take another for sleep, no, thanks… I got hooked on OTC sleep aids n going through the insomnia now after a year taking them as they quit helping, n at the time she passed last year - 2023 and 2024 been the worst years of my life and 2012 my dad passed and 2017 my grandma who basically raised me :(.. but yeah prolong grief with sudden death can I've read cause PTSD depression sadly, as time will rewire your brain after so long of sadness n trauma related - stay away from negative news politics drama etc. - n try st John's wart or 5-htp n if they don't help, you're not depressed - IMHO not a doc n please research effects and reviews if considering taking these, as they mess with serotonin levels etc. in your brain like antidepressants.
They told me how lucky I was to have such a nice mom. She always had snide remarks to say to and about me. She humiliated me in public. I don’t think I would be as nice as you. I would say,”She treated her dog better than she did her own daughter.”
THIS is exactly how I’ve been feeling.. I’m out 7 months. I’m done. I did ok. Just COME BACK, …N O W !😮😢 please
So glad I found your channel… So seven months & one day ago, we were in the Critical Care Unit with my 39yo son. … Just really glad I found your channel and I found your workbook and now I have it … I’m having it spiral bound at FedEx Office .. my son actually worked there some years ago.
Thank you ❤ This was really helpful information.
Thank you ❤
How does this advice shift at all when caring for someone with Dementia or Alz as there are continued and expected losses
My friends mother died yesterday. He is 17. I'm not Adult too. I didn't know how to make him comfortable. But reading the comments helped me a lot..
I know many people speak of life after loss as “Option B”. And I understand. I really understand and I can relate. But at the same time, I have begun to feel that I don’t want the life I have now to be an Option B. It’s true that I won’t ever NOT miss dad. But my husband, my children, myself as I am now, deserve to be an Option A. A new Option A, an alternate Option A. I can’t define it and I can’t make the pieces fit right now, but this is not necessary right now, yes? What I know is that I WILL take dad with me in this. And I WILL not leave behind the old me’s. I could not have this without them. I don’t know how this will be, but I know it will. And I will search for both little and big goals from now on, and I won’t let go of the really important goals, even if they seem objectively impossible. After all, if I really, really NEED something, then there should be a way of reaching it. I will go forward believing this. All of you, I understand you. I hug you all.
Mrs. Devine, Thank you so much.
I suffer from Catastrophic thinking. It is a terrible, horrible place to be. So much energy is wasted so I have been trying to be present and every time a thought like this comes to me I stop myself and say * this is catastrophic thinking.* Thank you for these helpful tools.
😘gratitud infinita...muy oportuno para mi, ahora. Un abrazooo desde Colombia
Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤
Love your work. Thank you
I'd do anything to know the truth of what happened. I know my gorgeous man didn't mean to overdose, it was an accident & I'm pissed at the person who knew him well, but still gave the man I love, what he didn't want or need, having been clean for 10yrs 😭 I've been stuck in pain for 18mths now, since his death on Boxing Day 2022, wishing I had the answers to all the questions I desperately need answered 😢🥺😭💔
Thank you Megan. I enjoy your short and sweet posts with a direct message.
thank you 🙏 super helpfull 🤲🌺 a healing flower for everyone's heart here 🍀
Like many members of my Family, think I should be over grief.Yes I am moving on still doing lots of self care for me
I know that you didn't ask me but I LOVE YOU MEGAN YOU ARE MY MOST BEAUTIFUL MEDICINE 💗
I find her observations and understanding to be so accurate in description. I, too, feel like I'm "living in two countries". Exactly. Thank you Megan. You have helped me greatly. ❤
I must admit I recently had unsolicited advice and my initial response was agreeable. Once it sunk in I couldn't let it go. I corrected the situation with my amended response and the person in question laughed at me like it was a joke. I am seriously rethinking her place in my circle... If at all.
Useful suggestions. I've been wondering how to respond to people who are telling what I should do without being the solution. Thank you for the words.
Love this sage advice!! Thank you!!!
Unsolicited advice is actually criticism.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
valuable insights; i am fortunate to not be widowed but your ideas on how to tackle unsolicited advice as a whole a great
What I do is just tell them it's none of their business!