What techniques have helped you move beyond the ghosts of your past? Join the discussion in the comments below.

@Namxta

Жыл бұрын

Talking about it in therapy and working through those feelings is by far the most efficient way to help me be my own person for me.

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

@@Namxta We would always recommend therapy! There's no better way of untangling our inner contradictions.

@mustyleable

Жыл бұрын

Keeping an open mind and the relationship with others from all backgrounds

@omairana

Жыл бұрын

This was a very good video, content and visual both. To be honest I was wanting to perhaps explore more about the avenues of getting out of these bedrock wells. The question asked above. I would think it begins with reflection, acknowledgment and then recognition. The question of resolution is for me the trickiest. However I do ascribe to the principle of forgiveness (not forgetting) as a starting point. When we realise we now have agency and know that our parents were also growing up with us and their own unresolved demons or basic human flaws to err. I’d like to explore more though, specially since I’m a father now and regret my errors raising my first born.

@m2pozad

Жыл бұрын

The technique was low contact. And eventually, as maturity and independence allowed, no contact. (Trying British styled sentence structure.)

🌷🌷 Nobody should be asked to sacrifice their mental health for their family 🌷🌷

@emanuelegazza4112

Жыл бұрын

Nobody is asked; it just tends to happen.

@kingshukcs

Жыл бұрын

@REXDY Live feel you buddy

@meows8603

Жыл бұрын

True ❤️

@georgianagheorghe8848

Жыл бұрын

Well said. It's like society is against independent individuals that know how to take care of theirselves without relying on people.

@monaalei9922

11 ай бұрын

I felt this damn 😭

If I confronted my mother about anything relevant, she would... turn it around and make it all about herself.

@nieshamae

Жыл бұрын

Same ...

@sulebayramrdn

Жыл бұрын

Took the words right out of my brain..

@starseed45

Жыл бұрын

Narcissism

@georgianagheorghe8848

Жыл бұрын

You're telling me. My mother uses guilt trip and manipulation to have control over the lives of my brother and I. She also takes advantage of our financial problems.

@347Jimmy

Жыл бұрын

The trick is, knowing that, not to bother Just move on past the thing You should not and do not need your mother's permission to live your best life

This topic is fire! When I sat back introspecting my behaviours, I realized how much I resemble my father's mentality which I often find so suffocating. I was becoming what I was running from. Once a day, you must sit with yourself and distance your individuality from others surrounding you.

@mayankgupta2543

Жыл бұрын

@@Dany_Stormborn sad reality. Business over problems which affects lives

@vandermonke4178

Жыл бұрын

omg i relate to this so much. I started introspecting too and i see a lot of my father in myself. Its like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

@jlw2826

Жыл бұрын

How do you achieve that without spiraling negatively?

@1AngelBoss6

Жыл бұрын

I couldn't relate more! And the funny thing is that, before you start making these realisations, you think you are different (from your father) and that you aren't that toxic.

@BogdanFuerea

Жыл бұрын

@@jlw2826 with professional help. We need a guide to keep us safe and to restrict our discoveries to something which we can manage. Seek professional help. It is the best option. It's not a shame to do so, just like we go to the doctor to treat our physical issues, we should go to one to treat our mental ones, which we all have in various degrees. Stay safe.

This is painfully relatable, but it's very relieving to know that other people go through these same situations as me

Жыл бұрын

Parents (or the shadows therein) are the worst gaslighters. Alchemically speaking, the father represents the I and the mother represents feelings.

Жыл бұрын

It’s not real! 😅

@AA-wc3tw

Жыл бұрын

I don't find it relieving at all to know that millions of other children are purposely abused by their parents, just like me. I don't take comfort in others' pain.

@niveditapandey6083

Жыл бұрын

It is relieving that others are suffering as well? 😝😂😂

@marshallwhat

Жыл бұрын

this is basically what therapy is (in my opinion): finding these voices and dismantling them.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” -Carl Jung As hard as it is, let them go my friends so you can be free ❤️

@jlw2826

Жыл бұрын

Easy to say, hard to do

@simonpegg1196

Жыл бұрын

Very important to remove toxic people, even if they happen to be your parents, from your life. The first step towards that is to have financial independence and ability to self-sustain. Can't emphasize its importance enough.

@tac6044

Жыл бұрын

Very few people with bad parents escape the life long consequences. Its typically the people who have experienced no such thing telling us how easy it is to overcome.

@Pdrock2001

Жыл бұрын

@@tac6044 Yes absolutely the damage has occurred considerably having been born in an unloving or toxic environment but also you have a personal duty to yourself and that includes doing whatever it takes to live freely and fully on your own .

@brida5923

Жыл бұрын

Unloved . Wow autocorrect changed un lived to unloved! Our parents unexamined and unprocessed childhood wounds. Trans generational trauma and breaking the cycle, not for anyone but our inner self who wants to be free to love!❤

Therapy and Reparenting. Through years of therapy, I have successfully learned to let go of my parents' voices in my head. I have also constantly reminded myself that "their anger or frustration towards me is a reflection of them and that they are projecting onto me". Then, I slowly started to tell myself what I needed to hear through positive self-talk (even if I didn't believe it at the time) and soon shifted my self-image and mental self talk to more reflect the reparented version of myself, than the hurt child from my childhood. Getting your parents out of your head is one of the hardest things to accomplish, but is so worth it for the long-run. Adulthood is hard enough, having their negative words in our heads only makes it 10 times harder.

@wiandryadiwasistio2062

Жыл бұрын

reparenting? what’s that and if so, how can i reach out?

@georgianagheorghe8848

Жыл бұрын

You're telling me. Most of these toxic parents take advantages of the financial problems and economic crisis to make their adult children depend on them so that they can control their lives the way they want instead of helping their children earn a living and live their lives.

@TheCinnamondemon

Жыл бұрын

ill occasionally check out the profiles of people who leave comments that resonate with me, and normally theres no videos, but i was so pleasantly surprised and shocked by yours. girl youre so talented im crying

@samriddhidubey9759

Жыл бұрын

exactly!!! thanku for writing this im 18 rn ive tried to talk to my parents about this and all they say is weve been so good how ungrateful/ u do not love us what have u become ure so difficult ure this-that instead of actually listening to wht i was saying ive accepted the fact that they r wht they r they too old to change themselves as they say.... and im trying to reparent myself ig im giving a competitive exam and o my the negative self talk that my dad taught me rlly DOESNOT WORK ive been sucidal and what not----- he still everyday looks at me with some sort of diappointment but ive made myself ok with it since he will not understand i sturggle with sitting long hours and study im done with stuff within 6hrs or so and i am a very prolife person i cant live without going out in nature watching my fav tv show meeting my friends sometimes and my street dog but they think im wasting away my life if im on my phone for even an hour or so

I recently took a month without communication with my parents. The distance has helped me isolate thought patterns that I didn't want and trust issues I had with my wife that stemmed from mistrust I felt towards my mother. The increased awareness along with therapy helped me reject the message of mistrust and powerlessness I was experiencing in my marriage and also my relationships with my children and friends. When I reconnected with my parents a few days ago I felt brave enough to tell them I'm no longer a practicing Catholic and that I need better boundaries with them. It went very well I'm sure in large part because my parents both are finally in therapy. In short I feel safer in my own head than I ever have.

@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702

Жыл бұрын

Incredible work thanks for sharing and inspiring ❤

@IStarscream_

Жыл бұрын

Happy for you! All of the (albeit painful) work you’re putting in right now will change future generations for the better. You don’t realize it, but everything you do to improve yourself also improves society. So thank you :)

@mysteryvan3338

Жыл бұрын

Love this ❤

@monaalei9922

11 ай бұрын

I think I need to do this. My parents are almost 70 but my mom told me I'm on my own. That really broke my heart but sharpened my vision.

"The body keeps the score". I understand how and why my childhood trauma affects my behaviors. I understand I need to "move on" and "not live in the past". However, no matter how much I can rationalize how I can escape my past, my past doesn't want to leave me.

@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702

Жыл бұрын

So true man, it's important to not only move on intellectually, but to have tools to allow the body to move on as well. May I ask what tools you use to escape your past bro?

@rightcliquegod7653

Жыл бұрын

It's impossible, at least not through analysis. Thought is pain, and so thought analyzes how to solve itself. It convinces itself that following a certain pattern of behavior would change something, and it does, but just superficially because at the root of it all it's just the same problem repeating itself endlessly but each time in a different shape. The way I see it, only understanding brings an end to a problem. Knowledge and understanding are wholly different concepts, a blind man from birth has knowledge about the sunset the color, the shape, how it's like, how does it feel like and on and on. Whereas a man who sees doesn't need any of that, just a simple worldless glance and Voila! Sunset! See, keyword here is the word. The word is not the actual thing, the word sunset is just bland, plain, and shallow at best it's only use is when communicating with another other than that the word becomes a hindrance, just like the one analyzing, who are you analyzing to? What's the point? Here let's say you have a thousand pages thick book filled with detailed and correct information about all of your problems, so what? Would your desire to hurt people consciously or unconsciously vanish? Would you stop being so miserable over a life went unlived? Would you forgive yourself and move on? No, you'd ne just like that blindman. Sometimes so convinced in your knowledge, other times confused in your misery. I suppose the question now is we've tried a method through time, shouldn't we try something timeless? Can we look at what we are just as one would look at a sunset? No desire to change it, no need to rationalize it, and certainly no need to put it into words? So that our action maybe for the first time could become whole, unlike the fragmentary thought and see what we are completely.

@diyak2182

Жыл бұрын

Psychotherapy really helped me with this. Have you tried that before?

Much of my married life was based on the template set down by my father which included domestic violence against my mother and NEVER setting his foot in thr kitchen (infact, not doing any chores in the house at all). No doubt my first few years of married life went down the drain. It took a very patient wife and lots of conscious effort from my side to even realise that I was wrong, and not my wife.

@ereh2622

Жыл бұрын

At least you've realised that, and started to change. Kudos to you

Really needed this video right now- especially since both of mine are unhealthy for me

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

We're glad you found it useful. Sadly, no childhood is free from psychological scars.

@kittu7315

Жыл бұрын

Damn true, it feels so nice to listen to something relatable

I had a very tough childhood. Since 7th grade I have felt a fatigue on myself. I didn’t even know what I went through was out of the norm. Than at age 30 I became very angry at my parents. After a few years I calmed down realizing I am going to get nothing from them to help. I realize I need therapy & it’s going to take me time. But man, It’s been a battle. Sometimes I have these funks I get into. I hope I can gain more peace & clarity & everyone on here does as well.

Can we all take a moment just to thank the animators who adapt such calming narration into very visually representative accompaniments?

Yes, what an apt topic! My inner voice which tells me that I shouldn't even try, that it's too much of a risk, sounds eerily like my father's, since he says similar things in real life. Even if you fail, you can still say that you tried.

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

Precisely. Our inner voices often bear an uncanny resemblance to those of our parents.

@coreycox2345

Жыл бұрын

It isn't always bad. For example, if your father was an unrelenting perfectionist, you might set high standards for yourself, which is good. But you may need to accept that nothing about yourself is ever good enough for you due to the same morphology, which can be challenging. For example, the opposite of "never get above your station" may be equally problematic. A parent expecting one to be a genius may be too much to live up to, as few people are actually geniuses, but it can drive one to academic achievement. It may not be the most accessible parent to have had, though.

@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702

Жыл бұрын

Good to see that you are becoming aware. This type of conditioning happens under the radar and effects us more then we know!

Damn, what a good topic, childhood trauma really affect me as I grow up, although I didn't agree with their parenting, back then I always ask myself why did that happen to me, now that I've grown up, I can at least understand why they did what they did, still wouldn't agree, I try to forgive them to keep me at peace as well, for me, I don't see them as a parent, I just see them as a normal human being or person, that makes it easier to forgive them

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

Before we place too much blame on our parents, we should remember that they were misshapen by their own upbringing in turn.

@lornam3637

Жыл бұрын

One of the Plum Village nuns said to remember that our parents are often 'children raising children'. I do the same as you now. I think of my parents as just regular neutral people, perhaps like neighbours or cashiers.

@rixnana

Жыл бұрын

@@theschooloflifetv yes that is what exactly helps me respond with compassion instead of anger or blame in turn

@markarca6360

Жыл бұрын

@@theschooloflifetv It is often a cultural thing that we need to end the vicious cycle.

I literally sat my mother down and told her about the things that have affected me. I posed questions on whether these happened with her in her childhood. Poured my heart out how I don't want to get abandoned again in the same ways, and that is why I am keeping my distance. Also, thank you for talking about this. Beautiful animation indeed.

@Torgo1969

Жыл бұрын

Well stated. My parents were miserable when I was growing up in their house. I resolved to never be like them and never put an innocent child through anything like that, constantly fearing that the family was going to break up at any time. So I didn't visit them for 12 years, from my age of 22 to 34, and eked out a life in poverty but blissfully free of dependence on unreliable people. Now that we get along better, they realize that I can once again just walk away from them if they get out of hand.

@shivangigarg9280

Жыл бұрын

@Freedom CarsI'm sorry you went through awful things. And same I realised this is last time, and I can't even get to my dad. I just told her that I don't want these memories invalidated, it has a severe impact. In the end no words were spoken, and we both walked away

@shivangigarg9280

Жыл бұрын

@@Torgo1969 this is beautiful put. I am sorry you went through awful uncertainty. Really really proud of you that you walked out it, and don't let them hold power over you

@shivangigarg9280

Жыл бұрын

@Freedom Cars yuppp, truest words. Took me a looong long time to even come to terms w the fact that all of what I grew up with wasn't normal. I will remember about looking in the mirror and validating. Thank you for that

@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702

Жыл бұрын

This is such important and courageous work you did, thanks for sharing ❤

watching videos like this make me realise how lucky I was to grow up with my particular set of parents. No hesitation in answering "would always help me" to the questions of if I really needed them. disagreements while growing up were met with a long calm talk where we could explain what was being thought of. It was always me who got angry enough I needed a punching bag hanging up under the house sometimes - never once saw that from them. I suspect that tendency came from further back in generations. They always encouraged my idea that if I couldn't help getting that angry, take it out on an inanimate object made for that purpose. If I ever become a parent, I would hope to be able to share the values of patience and kindness that I was shown when young, and still to this day. My mum in particular (now passed away) would have been proud of me for rescuing an abandoned cat, left behind by the previous tenants here who looks so much like one she cared for long before I was born.

This test made me realize how difficult my mother is. It's so hard to love her and I've been giving myself excuses for 13 years to stay into that loving child-loving mother bond that died a long time ago. It's heartbreaking to say but I don't care anymore if I love her or if she loves me.

These animations just keep getting better and better. I mean, I love the scribbly ones from years ago, but this one is really doing something to my brain 😂

@jen-dy6tm

Жыл бұрын

Thinking the same.

My father always tell me I'm useless, and I deserve to get fired. Despite of my accomplishments and achievements, I couldn't have a break without feeling useless and hopeless. Thank you for this video.

@kanseidorifto2430

Жыл бұрын

I really have a terrible time dealing with this myself, that nothing I do is ever good enough or that it's useless. I hope you got what you're looking for, because I'm making way towards it myself, and another person like me.... I wouldn't want have them walk in similar shoes as I.

I'm 37 and this video has just come at the right time because only recently I started realizing how badly my overly negative father did and still continues to affect my mental health. Perhaps, it's entirely my fault in wanting his approval in many things. I hope I can be completely free of his influence one day.

@simonpegg1196

Жыл бұрын

Hi Vinay! First of all, a big virtual hug to you. Believe me when I say that I can relate to you. I'm 2 years older than you. Before I was even 10 years old, I knew something was off with my parents. I had to walk on eggshells while talking to them. Since 13, I started conversing less and less with them. I made up my mind to educate myself well, and become financially independent. I eventually got married and moved to another part of the world. In fact, my narc mom isn't concerned for my safety or well-being - she's just furious that she can't control me anymore. But, this was what I had to do to keep my sanity intact. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well.

I just graduated college and currently living with my parents. Couldn't be more real. LOL

Learning how to be mindful and step back to observe your thoughts and behaviours from a more neutral, non judgemental place will help massively with self awareness. Look out for patterns of thought and behaviour that you can also spot in your parents, or that they conditioned into you in other ways. From there you can decide if those patterns are healthy for you or not, and you then have the power to change them if you want to. It all starts with awareness.

@jessicashaw7143

Жыл бұрын

I want to thank you for this comment. I have found thing I was taught wrong but never questioned all my life looking at negative thoughts created in my childhood. It's difficult for me to see positive in myself and figured out how to change this. Your comment seems to be my answer if I can find the negative thoughts they gave without my knowledge.

@TakeBackYourMind997

Жыл бұрын

@@jessicashaw7143 You're welcome. I guarantee you have a lot of positive things about you, it's just a matter of retraining your thinking to see those things and give yourself the credit and self love you deserve. Good luck with that process I hope it goes well and I'm sure it will if you keep working at it 😊

@405OKCShiningOn

Жыл бұрын

yes!! needed to read thus

@jessicashaw7143

11 ай бұрын

Thank you very much for the support I need to remember and battle my thoughts

I journal to help organize my thoughts. I've worked very hard on cultivating my inner parent to help thwart the negative thought patterns my parents instilled in me. Lexapro and a therapist who specializes in CPTSD helps a lot haha. It's been 32 years and it finally feels like I'm starting to live for the first time. My parents had a responsibility to work on themselves and they failed. So now it is on me to break the cycle of childhood trauma. Good video.

@chillwithmari

Жыл бұрын

Same here. Recently went for a therapy and boy.. I have so many underlying issues related to my childhood and parent-child relationship

@Ryan-xh7pe

Жыл бұрын

yes, we must break this cycle of neglect and unawareness

I know my parents did their very best, but nobody is perfect. I feel school bruised my mind more than my parents. Interaction with other children can be brutal. Then there are scary teachers. You know.

@yummy2318

Жыл бұрын

Get a fucking hold on yourself!!!!

@doloresvangaal2248

Жыл бұрын

Yes, you're right.

@Avolition617

Жыл бұрын

While my father fucked me up in many ways, school definitely played a huge role in my suffering. The bullying that I had to deal with pretty much bogged down my self-esteem to zero and it took me years to develop somewhat average social skills and to change the belief that everyone will hate me no matter what I do. It doesn't affect me as much as it used to but I can still feel the effects to this day in different ways.

I might need to watch this a few more times to understand it. I want the ghosts of my past to stop haunting me

I relate to this so much. I sometimes catch myself thinking like my parents and doing things that I don't even liked about them.

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

As is the case with almost all of us. Our parents bequeath us an emotional inheritance as well as a genetic one.

If you had cruel parents, one more thing that happens is this: You see their disturbing character traits as things that you must avoid in yourself at all cost! In other words, you do everything in order NOT to be like them! For example, if you had an extremely angry and violent mother, you'll probably combine those two things in mind and think that it is a horrible thing to be angry. ( Because it was indeed horrifying to witness it as a child ) You will try to always be calm and kind, even in situations where being furious would be the most healthy response. You will feel " ashamed " of the emotions you were not allowed to have back then. In this case, having a couple of sane minded, well meaning friends really helps. If you open up to them, they'll tell you that you are " entitled" to your emotions and it is fine to be angry and mad and even not be very kind sometimes, when you are not being treated well. If we live with tormenting voices inside us, what we should do is cultivate self love everyday and learn how to self parent. This is the only way we can survive mentally. Curiosity and awe are great consolations as well! We can also enrich ourselves with the stories and insights of other fellow sufferers, which not only enlightens us but also gives us a feeling of not being alone. Here is a list of resources that I have found to be very helpful: 1. Cultivating self love requires daily practice. These two guided meditations are excellent. You can just choose one and do it everyday. -UCLA Hammer Meditation, Diana Winston, Loving Kindness For Ourselves-Tara Brach, Awakening Self Compassion 2. If your mother was very cruel listen to these podcasts: - DRIVE podcast with Peter Attia, the episode with Esther Perel ( She is one of the best therapists on the planet, but in this episode she says that she could only publish her first book, after her overly critical mother died. So probably, if her mom was still alive, millions of people wouldn't have the opportunity to benefit from her incredibly helpful books!! She must be still dealing with that mother's voice inside her though... ) - DEAR THERAPISTS podcast with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch The Episode " Molly's Father's Suicide"The Episode " Melanie's Difficult Mother" The documentary " Tell me who I am" on Netflix is also incredibly, incredibly powerful. 3. If your father is abusive listen to these: -DRIVE podcast: the episode with Terry Real-DEAR THERAPISTS podcast, the episode " James's Alcoholic Father". -" This is actually happening" podcast, the episode " What if you could never make him proud". 4. There is a wonderful video from this channel called "How to parent yourself". I wrote another list under it, if you wish to check it out. 5. For some of us it is like this: those who made us who we are, also keep breaking us in ways that neither they nor we properly understand.That's why introspection is very important. I highly recommend everyone to read the book " Maybe you should talk to someone " by Lori Gottlieb and also to use the workbook, that helps us to ask ourselves the right questions! Thank you for this very valuable lesson and for the amazing animation!!

@yardleyj9391

Жыл бұрын

You took time to give out all this invaluable information, it says clear and loud that: You care. 💜❤️💜❤️

@bolivar1789

Жыл бұрын

@@yardleyj9391 Hello there Yardley! Thank you so much for your time and your kindness! Much love to you and to your loved ones!🥰😍❤

@kartikg9970

Жыл бұрын

Hiii Lua didi How are you? Thank you so much for writing these beautiful comments.

@anandanidhi1633

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the resources list and kind words.

@carmenvicente4138

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for all the resources. ❤

My parents and siblings, always said that noone would want to be my friend for more than 2 months, and if they did, I would sabotage it with my arrogance and aggressiveness. This has always been an inner voice, constantly echoing in my mind. I gave too much in relationships, remained insecure and feared losing them. And when naturally people fall off our lives as we take different paths, i always blamed myself scared to invest in social connections, and events, and drew inward fearing criticism, shame, confrontation, ridicule and being an utter failure. Yet I am glad I didn't self-sabotage with addictions, but invested in hobbies with creative self-expression, and that has made a huge difference. Though their voices are still squeaking somewhere in my mind, everytime I make a mistake.

Really needed this right now….I have been struggling with this since years and this guilt of ignoring your parents have been eating me.As a result I’m now a peacemaker between them,solving their problems instead of my own.I have lost so much energy on that yet at the end of the day they will tell me I’m high ambitious,I’m scared and I can’t just figure out my life because I’m too lazy.Thanks for this video as this has put some sense into me.

An applause and appreciation for your great efforts in animations. They were literally the best and completely in sync with your explainations. Thank you for providing us a better insight within ourselves.

i get the problem but where is the "how" part of this?

@daylondealva4448

2 ай бұрын

I'm not sure, but you can definitely start with psychoanalysis therapy and read books about family trauma. Highly recommend John Bradshaw on this topic.

@DavidBrown-wh1ix

29 күн бұрын

A journey. Coaching helps.

With a narcissist dad and enabling mom..things like this become harder to do..I hope people who have these kinds of poisonous people for parents get help and get away from them which is almost next to impossible cause they do really live in our heads.

Beautiful animation. It complements and sometimes surpasses the concepts and explanations of the text. Top work!

This is one of the best School of LIfe animations I reckon. Also very glad that there are not all these background noises that ussually appear in your videos. So this is positive feedback. I like it and it works really well for me. Less stimulus and stuff going on. Oh and also (as ussual) very valuable content thank you.

Crisp visuals! It felt like a theme park ride. The strong articulation warranted equally strong visuals and you certainly delivered. What a complete package.

Whoever made this video, a big big hug to them❤️

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the hug - it's very appreciated by our team!

Such a short but concise resource - very powerful concepts to ponder, applicable to anyone, yet acutely personal if applied proactively especially the exercises. This video happened to be extremely relevant to myself, and others in my life right now actually. I love the art and design in this video as well: very clean, effectively communicated and symbolically clever. The School of Life rarely disappoints in the slightest!

It can be hard to recognise the degree of how much parents voices affect us. Sometimes if someone is being kind to me I can’t tell if they are or if I’m being big headed. And if they are I don’t know how to respond. I’m afraid of possibly ruining it.

Can't rlly do that when they live with me

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

Moving out of our parent's house may be no more difficult than moving our parents out of our heads.

@pinkyssj4

Жыл бұрын

That's what I had to do. As soon as I saved up enough, I moved out without giving notice. Best feeling ever.

This was synchronicity. I'm aware of my mother's voice (I actually hear it sometimes) but have no idea how to get it out. My brother ODed on drugs in 2014 and he was my only sibling so I'm stuck dealing with her at 80yo on my own.

@yardleyj9391

Жыл бұрын

Eve Catherine, l walked away from my toxic 80-year old mother 6 months ago. I finally broke free.

A big thank you to the Team of the School of Life for coming up with all that content frequently. Besides the great content I find the videos with their illustrations and animations extraordinary supporting. Those well thought through and perfectly fitting moving pictures really help to internalise the upbrought content. Thank you!

I am amazed by the production quality of each and every video you put out.

the video is so visually appealing, the transitions are smooth, the colours are calm. 10/10

This is an incredible topic! Could you do a deeper dive on this topic? I'd love to know ways to cope with this and how to figure out if I'm setting a boundary based on my belief or is this the tiny voice that making sure i don't become anything other than 'what I'm supposed to be' And also that was some beautiful artwork!!!

I always find you there, when I need you TSoL. Thank you.

Spot on! Beautiful narration and animation! ❤ Thanks for the exercise!

Always loved the animation aspect of these, and this one is by far my favorite.

Such an amazing video, the animations are brilliant! I want to give it a hug.

I was losing hope, ready to throw my life away. I luckily stumbled upon this concept a few months ago and once I started blaming my horrible parents and a lousy childhood, I was able to heal and now I want to live again. Funnily enough, when I had to courage to tell my parents how I was getting better they attacked me and focused on reminding me how much of a bad person I was. But thanks to some healing, it didn't hurt as much. Now I feel like I'm making some progress... wish me luck, my family is pretty evil.

I started recognizing this few weeks back. It is unnerving and brutal. But, I have been pondering whether I can reverse it or not. The answer is, I might. So I started where it all began: me. I have started to identify how I react or respond; after each observation, I try to segregate if it is me, my father or my mother. So far, I am afloat. I have changed ample of times and have been in an isolation. But it seems fine, I am at peace with the process and it seems like I might get through. Thank you 'The School of Life.' Knowing that there are a cluster of people out there, worried and working for broken constellations to find their stars back, is enough hope to last me a lifetime.

Fantastic video and prompts! Thank you 😊

Awesome insights yet again. But wow this animation is something else. I love it. This channel is so good at creating visuals for abstract concepts time and time again. But this video's animation, in particular, has to be my favourite

My parents weren't just "unfriendly" they were mentally ill, alcoholic, narcissists and psychopathic. Thank you thank you thank you for your channel

what a perfect timing, just what i needed. 🙃

@theschooloflifetv

Жыл бұрын

We're glad you found it useful Namita!

Everything changed some time after my daughter was born. One morning I was observing her sleeping... she woke up and looked around so scared and confused... She instantly calmed down and smiled after her gaze met mine...it was it. A piece missing for 40 years. I sorted out alcoholism, obesity, depression and assholeism... unbelievable feeling to be loved... my physiognomy changed a little bit as I learned new sort of smile.

Perfect and I would like to thank you so much about that!

Thank you so much this video helped me today to not get broken again

my parents made a lot of maitakes. but i learned to understand why they made those mistakes, admit that i hardly would do better in their situations. that made me able to forgive them, and keep loving them very much, for the hard work they put into raising me, despite the hard life and dificulties they had and keep only the good things they worked so hard to teach me. i really miss my father. mistakes and all, and the mistakes and rigth things he and my mom did teached me how to be a good person. very proud of being similar to them

I've recently become very interested in attachment theory, and the effects of having an absent (but sporadically reappearing) drug addicted criminal father who will now be in prison likely to his death. Its easy to look at the grown adult I am now and see no signs of damage, but wow, the mind never stops yearning for that security, approval, validation that was never, nor will ever be, present.

this is bang on. but it is such a difficult process, no words can ever express the pain. how can we suddenly bigger the bigger person and forgive (which is the only way we'll be set free from our toxic inner critic)? please help with a video on daily affirmations as well, will be super grateful.

The last image is so haunting. Like some occultic demon rituals were done to us by two adults. In reality they have and we need to understand and decipher what's actually done to us.

This is why I hate myself at times. When I realize I became a horrible mixture of the two of them; it makes me want to jump out of my body. I appreciate the video.

Shifting my own perspectives and inner self-talk is something that I'm working on. Just posted a video on my channel regarding it too! It's a difficult journey but one that I'm excited to start on

Somehow the School of Life just knows the questions I need answers to right when I need them.

Just finished reading another of your masterpieces How Proust Can Change Your Life. Surreal how it added on to the euphoria created after reading The Consolations of Philosophy. You’re definitely timeless.

the content, the script, the visual!!! Chef’s kiss!

It’s when at the age of 46 you still feel childish negatively because you were constantly infantilised by parents as an adult

Thank you 💕

Profound and otherwise brilliant as always. Thank you. : )

These illustrations are top notch!

"A coven of unfriendly ghosts" is a really succinct and apt expression

Those animations are superb! great job

I have no idea who's voice is this. Her voice is absolutely amazing. I am in love 😍😍

This is a good topic only if you have bad parents and they are affecting your life. On the contrary, good parents are the primary teachers that can help you build a good life. By the way, I loved the animation!

You know what? I’m really not as bad as I thought😂 these videos really help manage anxiety for me. Thank you guys for everything you’re doing✌️

I still care too much till this day about what my father thinks and judges my decisions. I dare to defy his thoughts (even thought he doesn't say it out loud) and fear for his facial expressions upon everything I've said, no matter how many times I've told myself that he's nothing now but an existed figure in my life. The idea of being scared of him has ingrained so deep into my brain that I could do anything but fight back against it. I rarely see my father these days, but every time I see him, the same feelings and fears I used to have seem to arise and are vivid as the ones I once had during my childhood. It's easy to say my father thoughts and judgements do not affect what and how I should think, but it's hard to act on it.

Thank you!

Amazing. This self recognition is so important

Unavoidably and unwittingly I kept it, whom I now refer to as the coward, small letters intended, alive in my imaginations for a further 32 years after it, another intention, had passed on. That knowledge is recovery. Thank you SOL for your erudite elucidations. They help me greatly by putting truer perceptions in to my present being.

When I’d ‘had enough’ aged 20 I escaped to New Zealand! A drastic move but looking at the selfish bigger picture the damage for me was lessened- sadly not so for my father!

@Andrea-zo4qy

Жыл бұрын

Where did you move from? I’m thinking of doing a drastic move myself lol

Man.. So true!! Its deep!!

Thank you,

excellent video!! Incredible graphics!! Perfect !!👍 Even if you didn't speak English you could understand the concept it just the images alone!!... excellent! great job school of life!!💖

Sometimes, it can get so ugly that cutting them off (Low contact, or no contact) from your life is always necessary.

Best animation yet! I love the humor

This video was NOT about HOW to get your parents out of your head. It is about WHY They are there, and WHY they shouldn't be.

@palmfrond

Жыл бұрын

I normally appreciate School of Life videos very much. But this one, does not actually answer the question posed by its title. I am confused.

I've learned in recovery that boundaries between myself and my parents are the happy medium between going "no-contact" completely and allowing enmeshment to erode the mental health of everyone involved. Of course boundaries take work in order to be maintained and some require a hell of a lot of distance but it's worth the work and a parental relationship---for better or for worse---is unlike any other that one finds in the world in my opinion.

Wonderful animation, important message.

it is important to be your own identity, but this lesson richly teaches the chronic angle of socialized control. the longer you spend time with someone/something, the more susceptible you are to it's influence. it's such an effective means of control, an entire industry was made to capitalize on it; branding

The graphics and art used in the vids are always so interesting. 👌🏾

I have both of the parents you named father left me and started another family my mother’s mentally I’ll and almost anything can set her off now I have anxiety and depression lots of self hatred and suicidal thought

When a relationship breakdowns it tells us never expect anything from others like this is what I was told but when I enter my second relationship I realise it is not at all like that you know I just believe it because of my parents in my first relationship and I am so glad I did the walk I did on myself and I am so that I even record it so much because that is only way I could get it out of my system and I really love it how I see everything so clearly now just because I was born among sociopaths does not make me a bad person

Something is going through right now, I keep noticing my parents voices are in me when I’m around them even though life has changed so much during my time in college. It is something I’m excited to work on by eliminating my parents programming

for every solution, another sprout of a new problem. and therein, a never ending cycle of storyline. SoL, you were one of the advocates and adamant to such belief or formula that everything in adult life can be traced back to childhood. thats all the message i ever get from your channel. its like the window into which i see the world would never change and i would always look from the eyes or mentality of the child which is very flawed and doesnt give justice to our capacity for growth and evolution of our human intelligence. how about experiences shared with outsiders and especially the Media?? this has more affect than parents influence or home environment .. in fact, at certain age, at puberty stage, we disentangle ourselves from our parents grasps and explore the world with our own age group. and sooo much more diversed views need to be taken into account not just childhood stage or experiences. ofcourse, i cannot discount the fact the importance of genetic programming yet even that is not the end all be all. so many confounding variables need to be tackled. so to be honing on on the same idea over and over again as if its the foolproof formula to life is dangerous information and yes you cant get your parents or any other person out of your mind whom you happen to cohabit with. theres always a trigger and emotional investment - to certain degree- and THAT degree is all your conscious control. how much is up to you, an art you can learn and master to live life harmoniously and adaptably

nice minimalistic 3D Art :) Apperantly, someone got an intern that watched some tutorials for blender haha

I used to work hard to meet my parents expectations , but now i realize that no matter how hard i work , they would never satisfied. They neglect my emotions and make important choices for me , saying it's for my sake . And it's sucks that i didn't realize how toxic they are until now .

Im diagnosed with aspergers. This video helped me understand

Finally!....some graphics/animations that are compelling!

I knew from the get go that my parents were not capable nor should they be having children. Both of them have a serious Psychosis which I won’t go into I have a stepsister and a sister and we are all damaged by these two individuals. There are people in this world that lack the mental Capacity or have a Psychosis that goes undiagnosed that can harm a child’s development mentality. My two parents where not fit to have children and because of our traumatised upbringing all three of us suffer.