For more help, join my community for lots of free guides and journal prompts for assessing relationships and healing codependency www.counselingrecovery.com/resource-library-access/

"Detachment doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you stop rescuing other people from experiencing their own consequences." this is the most profound sentence I've read about becoming un-attached. Thank you for sharing your knowledge & wisdom.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You are very welcome Abhijeet! I'm working on a new Zoom class on codependency & detachment that will be out soon!

@Abhijeetschauhan

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you for the update will wait for it.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@Abhijeetschauhan Would you like to get on my email list? That way you'll be the first to know.

Thank you. I was looking for ways to detach without the need to start hating or blaming other people; the internet is strewn with these advices of a certain vengeful detachment. That way feels alright for a few days but somehow just feels like a toxic thing to do long term. This video helped me understand what I was looking for instead. Thank you once again.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

I’m so glad, yeah detaching doesn’t have to be cold it’s just another way to create dome safe distance.

Thank you, Michelle. I have an anxious attachment style and have had trouble trying not to control the outcome of my relationship partners' actions. Your video has been the most comforting and informative I've found on detachment; I'll try to develop more detachment to not lead my current relationship in a downward spiral.

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

I'm so glad the video helped - detachment can really be a lifesaver because it gives you the space you need to not overstep or preserve your energy. Thanks for watching!

I’m so grateful I found you & your videos! Blessed ❤

@MichelleFarrismft

3 ай бұрын

I am too Krista! Yay!

Wow ur on point I stayed home from work today and truly needed this video deep.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Johannys - I just released another video on detachment kzread.info/dash/bejne/loacr6R6gs-tqLA.html

Thank you for this! Super helpful!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!!

You are straight to the point but so informative. It has taken me a long time to start really understanding what codependency is and how it shows up in my life. Thank you!

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

You are so welcome Jacob! I’m so happy I could be helpful.

I have a girl , i really do care about her even she do care about me (not sure to say). She says she likes me and want me to help her with her own problems but I m not available for her all the time. I am afraid that when i won't help her she will maintain a distance away frm me. She has so many guys to ask help around and I fear this. I sure want to practice detachment. I learnt this term while reading "How to think like a monk" bye Jay shetty. he says "everything is temporary so care about them, enjoy with them but don't fear to lose them. 🙂

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You don’t have to be available all the time. In fact, it’s healthier to create a relationship where it’s mutually loving and beneficial- which means not sacrificing yourself. One day at a time. Keep learning!

This is exactly what I've been looking for thank you

@MichelleFarrismft

8 ай бұрын

Oh great! I'm so glad you found me! Here is another one I did on detaching that might help kzread.info/dash/bejne/loacr6R6gs-tqLA.html

It’s always nice to learn new life skills. Thank you Michele

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome Roland! It's great to see you here!

Good video. Was looking to learn more about detachment.

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

I have another video on this topic Detaching Emotionally: How to Detach and Let Go of Control kzread.info/dash/bejne/loacr6R6gs-tqLA.html

Thank you so much for this video ❤❤

@MichelleFarrismft

2 ай бұрын

You’re very welcome Coleen!

Thank you for this great explanation. My journey is always evolving and your video is very helpful.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

That’s so wonderful! It sounds like you’re doing great work Gina!

Thanks a ton ✌️ the video was very helpful 😊

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad! Thank you for taking the time to comment!

This is the best video on detachment I've watched so far! Thanks for sharing

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! That means a lot! ❤️

@karinswartz9879

11 ай бұрын

Totally Agree! God-sent. Thanks so much ❤

This is great. I’m saving this

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks William!

This was so helpful and comforting. I have been struggling for so long with a lot of the issues you mentioned. Thank you for sharing!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You’re very welcome! Stay tuned - I’m going to do another one on detachment soon!

@trexty2

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft I'm subscribed and waiting! 😆 ❤️

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@trexty2 let me know if you don’t get one- but usually it’s very quick.

Yes! Difficult but worth it!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Yes! For sure, it's not easy to detach but knowing it's the best option sometimes helps :)

I need to apply this more often... especially with my adult kids.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Yes, that is definitely more challenging but so important. I was just talking with a client about having less contact and letting them contact her first. Sometimes, baby steps work best to start. Thanks for watching!

@Drbinduselot

Жыл бұрын

True even I need to do this with my adult sons 😊

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@Drbinduselot Yeah, that can be the hardest but having the right support makes a huge difference. Thanks again!

Thank you!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank YOU!!! This work takes a lot of courage!

practicing this now 🙏 Michelle. ⛅

@MichelleFarrismft

4 ай бұрын

That’s great!

Yes. Today i just told myself , the person is just this way, i don't need to react or advise, just let them go on, say what ever theg are saying But i just moved on to another subject, in a smooth manner

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

Yeah accepting who that person is while knowing your limits really matters. Thanks for watching again! ❤️

Very profound.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Anita!!

im goin to replay tis over and over unil detachment becomes easy

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You can do it! Here is a blog I did on detachment too that might help www.counselingrecovery.com/blog-san-jose/detachment

Very good explanation and tips... Will listen again and work with those 🙏🙏❤️

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I’ll be posting another video on detachment soon so I hope you come back! Thanks for watching!

@y9w1

Жыл бұрын

​@@MichelleFarrismftOK! I will come back for the next video on that topic. I am working on it - trying to "detach with love" in my relationship every day at the moment. It does help. One step at the time. Thank you 🙏

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@y9w1 great! I will be posting in a week or two at the latest. 😀

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching!! You’re in the right place!

I’m working on this.

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

That’s awesome!!! Thanks for watching and being on this path!!

Yesss!!!!!

@MichelleFarrismft

9 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!

Yessss

@MichelleFarrismft

27 күн бұрын

Thanks for watching - you’re in the right place!

I will try this to fix my marriage. Back then when my wife and I were bf/gf she was always my top priority. After marriage things for slower. And recently I want to connect with her deeply again and it seems like I've overdone, its like an anxious attachment style now and she feels very annoyed because I want to know everything about her now. "Why were you online and didn't message me" or "who were you talking to?" and all those crazy questions. I don't know how I developed this... I think your video would help a lot.

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

I'm so glad, feel free to look at my Healthy Relationship playlist.

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!

yes

@MichelleFarrismft

8 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!

You are pretty you look like millie off of the Netflix show scandal I will practice this ( especially family )

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, and YES! Practice is good!!

It's really painful when it's your parents you feel that you need to detatch from. My parents are older, and they have been in this pattern for years of making bad financial decisions, and also not taking care of their health. These things combined have gotten them into some pretty bad situations over the past couple of years. Hospital stays, not having the money for a home health aid, etc. I've tried talking to them about ways to improve their life, but they haven't listened, and things just get progressively worse. I'm now at a point where I'm just not able to help. It makes me feel horrible, but I had to make the decision to take care of my own life, and love them from a distance for a while😕😕

@MichelleFarrismft

4 ай бұрын

Yeah that' really hard to watch. Sometimes even when we try to help, it doesn't change the outcome. Glad you're taking care of yourself.

(Too late) my anxious attachment AKA codependency already ruined a four year relationship with a man that *really wasn’t that bad (even tho he was an anxious avoidant AKA covert narcissist but he was trying to work on himself while I just persistently became crazier & crazier & lost sight of myself)

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

I’m sorry I know that is really tough - come back tomorrow when I post a video on narcissism you might find helpful.

How would this work as a couple with finances? I feel the need to fix it, if the consequences will affect us both - like we are wanting to move now and need to have things in order. Not sure how to navigate this.

@MichelleFarrismft

2 ай бұрын

That’s when counseling can be helpful even if it’s only for you. I agree that you really can't detach from the finances but you need to be able to work together and that's where counseling can help.

@KasheeraLatasha

2 ай бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you, do you offer that?

@MichelleFarrismft

2 ай бұрын

@@KasheeraLatasha I do for anyone living in California.

Thank you

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

Everything me and my boyfriend get into an argument I have a mental breakdown. He shuts down and it gets quiet. I tell him I need reassurance and confirmation that he still loves me. He says I should already know that he does love me. I’m crying right in front of him and it feels like he doesn’t care. I told him that and nothing

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Maybe consider getting some additional support like some counseling or peer support groups. It can really help.

This is not my problem to solve. Listen and validate and ask what can I do? Take care of yourself. Do good for yourself instead of worrying about what other person is doing. Refrain from giving advice and taking away their pain. Al-alon coda 12 step program.

@MichelleFarrismft

9 ай бұрын

Sounds like you are getting it!

My issue is that my boyfriend of 12 years and I stopped making love three years ago. I thought it was because he just couldn’t do it anymore because of all the medications he takes. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and it just turns into an argument. Then I found out that he’s been whacking off to videos on KZread. We got in an argument and then he started being more loving to me. But then I found out he’s still doing it. Please help me to detach from him emotionally!! I am literally sick to my stomach and will be until I heal this. Please please please help me!!

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Detaching is about taking care of yourself and removing yourself when you need to avoid mistreatment or anger. This sounds like a bigger issue that I'd recommend getting counseling for - even if it's just you.

@magickalplace

5 ай бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you ❤️

This sounds like anxious avoidant attachment.

@MichelleFarrismft

7 ай бұрын

Interesting, thanks for the feedback!

How long is detachment?

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Well it's more of a practice of not getting involved in certain situations that you find upsetting or that you have tried controlling. Good question.

Im trying to.take him off a pedestal but stay together.

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

yeah, detachment can definitely help you create some healthy separation and remind you to not take his behavior personally. Hang in there! Thanks for watching!

@robyndawn

6 ай бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft Thank you 🙏

How do you do this when someone is eating themselves into the grave

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

I know this is heartbreaking to watch people we love who are addicted. You can ask them if they want help (Overeaters Anonymous) but if they don’t and it’s really bothering you, you can check out Al-Anon for friends and families if alcoholics/addicts. They give lots of great support around detachment.

@samscarletta7433

Жыл бұрын

Stop baking cookies

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@samscarletta7433 Yep that's a great example of choosing to do less! That's great!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

2 ай бұрын

Thanks MaryAna!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

9 ай бұрын

Thank you! I hope you found it helpful!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Good for you!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Yay!! It does help doesn’t it?

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Thank YOU!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching Virginia!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Kathy for watching!!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Deja for being here and watching!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Karen! You're not alone!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching Kyle! Here’s another video I did on detaching kzread.info/dash/bejne/loacr6R6gs-tqLA.html

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

Thank you!

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Marilyn! Detachment works!

@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft learning how to detach without taking my love away saved me from resentments and pain. 🙂

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@marilyngrayCraftandcrotchet yes, it definitely helps you take care of yourself so you don't fall into resentment.

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Catherine!