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My favourite mantra is “Accept, don’t expect “ 🤗

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Oh I love that!!

Detachment and boundaries go hand-in-hand. Sometimes a friend is a better phone friend

@MichelleFarrismft

10 ай бұрын

Yes! They do go together! Great point. I think detachment is a powerful boundary.

Me too….my sister & her husband are moving to another state….we’ve been in same city for 40+ yrs…. I was numb at first, now I’m going to detach in a healthy way

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Oh that’s big - yeah sobering we don’t have a choice and I can hear the grief. Sending you a hug!

@godzillamanstreb524

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you 🌺….it will be an adjustment, but I’ve survived worse

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@godzillamanstreb524 Yes, and you have the courage to do the work which says a LOT!!!

Wish I’d known this years ago it would’ve saved so much pain!! Thank you ❤

@MichelleFarrismft

8 ай бұрын

I hear you - I was there too :)

Love This helps me a lot especially at work because I tend to want to be like a Savior and it just shows me after healing from codependency issues, that I still have to heal more on the topic. I cannot save anyone nor do I want to. Thank you😊

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!! You don’t need to save anyone - love that awareness!

Thank you. You explain it so clearly. I want to learn to do this more often.

@MichelleFarrismft

2 ай бұрын

Yes Judy! It definitely helps!

Me too. I have an adult daughter who is married to someone with many narcissistic traits. One of their children is a scapegoat. It makes me emotionally and physically sick being around this family. I've tried to control/manipulate outcomes for almost 20 years by trying to FIX MYSELF, BLAME MYSELF. Have hit a bottom, and realize if I can't detach, I will self-destruct. I finally wrote a letter to my daughter telling her I couldn't be around her husband anymore. I kept the letter brief with "I" statements, and offered to share my feelings and observations with her if she wanted me to. I also said I was going to stay in my lane and never discuss her relationship wth her husband unless she asked me. Yes, detachment with love is Phd spirituality. I may very well lose my daughter because I have chosen to take care of my own feelings of intense fear and dread when I am around them as a family. I let go of outcomes, but it's taken years to learn the important spiritual lesson that Love is spacious interrelationships, not chains of fear around each others' necks.

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

Good for you - it's so hard to detach from our kids no matter how old they are. You did what you had to do to take care of you - and sometimes with time the other person will come around but when they don't - I always take that as confirmation that I did the right thing. Detachment isn't a punishment it's self-care :) Thanks for watching and doing this work!

@jeannined7532

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for your response...and yes, I never thought that if the other person doesn't come around it's confirmatiion that I dd the right thing. Your videos have really affirmed the path I'm taking. I do bellieve it is "the road less travelled"@@MichelleFarrismft

This is what I’m struggling with. I have detached physically years ago, but emotionally I haven’t

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Yeah emotionally it takes effort to let go of that responsibility or anxiety over what others are doing.

Love this ❤

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Leanna! I did another one on detachment kzread.info/dash/bejne/kXmqx9yGmtKehs4.html

Me too I have an issue with control big time. I'm seeking to fix this issue. Peace & Bliss 💜🙏🏾

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

Thank YOU for watching! Yeah sometimes wanting control is really about wanting safety.

@altheasherieel3724

10 ай бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft you're welcome that makes sense..

@MichelleFarrismft

10 ай бұрын

Yeah it's important not to judge ourselves but instead find what's behind that behavior. @@altheasherieel3724

ME TOO!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Diane! You are in the right place! So glad you found me. :)

Thanks

@MichelleFarrismft

3 ай бұрын

You're very welcome! Thanks for watching!

Me too!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching Freteisha! You’re not alone!

Me too me too!

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!!! I hope this video helps in your healing!

Me too ❤

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

Thank you - you're not alone!

I am going to have to do all these videos before the new😊. I am going to need to do this. Me too. I don’t have the power. I am writing this because it gets in my head. Stress me too. Ok got it on to boundaries.

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

Oh that's great, boundaries and detachment make a huge difference in relationships :)

I need this

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching Anna.

Me too

My codependent relationships with my 2 daughters has a foundation (i think) in making up for the deficient mothering they experienced. I assume responsibility for just about any negative characteristic they exhibit; i can exhaust myself helping them with their toddler children, even cleaning their houses (i admit i am very uncomfortable around dirt and disorganization so the cleanung is so i can tolerate being there as well, not just helping bc i feel guilty that theyre unable to balance demands... theyre both on the 40 side of 35). While they both have expressed for several years now how much they appreciate me and love me etc I know we're not close so to speak; there's a lot under the surface. In the meantime the last time I had a man in my life as a boyfriend was 15 years ago. I don't know how to have a mutually satisfying relationship; I really don't take care of myself very well so I wouldn't say I'm in a good place for a relationship. And I don't truly desire one but I'm old enough at 68 to know I'm missing something.

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Oh my heart goes out to your big, generous heart! Have you considered Al-Anon? It’s been so key in my own recovery.

Me too…I have been with my fiancé for 7 years and he recently when thru a severe depressive episode. He’s gotten help and is so much better, but he started using cannabis again which may help in the short term but maybe not long term..having trouble detaching and letting him figure it out for himself, we have loved and supported each other through this and everything and we want our relationship to work but I need help not being codependent

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

You might consider joining Al-Anon- it's a free support group for codependency and dealing with substance abuse.

Hi, sorry if this is unrelated, I was wondering are you willing to be a sponsor to work the steps of Coda?

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much but I’m not able to sponsor in Coda. I’d suggest going to lots of meetings and talk with people that have what you want but- thank you for asking.

me too

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thank you Michael! I'm right there with you!

How does this work when a person is in a marriage and they’re unhappy? How can they practice this and stick with it? What more should they do to stay sane and protect their peace?

@MichelleFarrismft

9 ай бұрын

Getting a lot of support helps. This is never an easy situation so it’s more about taking care of yourself and being light and polite. Hope that helps.

Me to

@MichelleFarrismft

10 ай бұрын

Thank you! So glad you found me! I hope you enjoyed it.

In a long distance relationship friendship with a girl in hong Kong, im in America. Talked everyday for two years. But she has super high expectations of me. Always jealous. Says i always played and hurt her. Its been going on for 6 months at least. It's so hard to let our conversation go but im so tired of defending myself

@MichelleFarrismft

8 ай бұрын

Yeah I know it IS hard to let go but maybe you can learn from this one? That’s the beauty of growth - you always get another chance to learn the lesson.

me to

@MichelleFarrismft

5 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!

Currently my best friend of 20 plus years is not speaking to me. She expressed depression and I supported her and also reached out to her sister to go do a wellness check. She is angry about me telling her sister which her sister already knew because of my best friend making a fb post about her mental health. I’m lost and don’t see where I went wrong

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

It sounds like you are a great friend. It’s not easy when others don’t understand our intentions. Maybe there will be an opportunity to talk with her when things settle down. Hang in there.

Hi Michelle can you please help me because my mom and my dad keep fighting and I do not know what to do and it is scaring me so what should I do

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

This is a bigger question than I can answer here - you could start with Ala-teen a 12 step group that helps teens cope with addiction/dysfunctional behaviors. Let me see about some resources and I'll get back to you. Here is one ymhproject.org/resources/

@joshsaundh4851

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismftso are you saying I should stay away from then fighting

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@joshsaundh4851 do what you can to protect yourself and yes that would probably leaving the room but I would urge you to seek counseling.

@joshsaundh4851

Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft I agree because now my dad is telling my brother to leave like really and my brother feels like he did something wrong 😑 and my dad drinks 🍺 so do you think my dad should get help if he is like this to my family

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

@@joshsaundh4851 check out Ala-teen - it would be a good place to start.

Hmm

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

Do you have a question?

If you plant a tree, you can’t control how it grows

@MichelleFarrismft

9 ай бұрын

That's true! We can only control what we put into it. :)

Me too!

@MichelleFarrismft

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Renee!

Me too

Me too

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

22 күн бұрын

Thanks Tracey! Glad you visited my channel!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching! I hope you found it helpful.

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

7 ай бұрын

Thanks Hilary, you're not alone!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Tom!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Helen!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

Thank you Catherine!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching Jo!

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft

11 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!