I think I have secondary Paruresis. But here's the thing, I'm not afraid to pee in front of people. I'm afraid NOT to pee in front of people. So, there are certain situations which I view as a lot of pressure to go, because if I don't it's going to be awkward, and/or I won't have another chance. For my job, I have to take mandatory urinalysis tests. And an observer has to be present. I always have a difficult time going. But it's not because they're watching, but because they're waiting. It's funny you mention some people can't pee when someone is talking to them. But sparking a conversation actually helps me, because it takes my mind off of the situation.

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Just to clarify, pauresis is a fear of NOT being able to pee in front of other people. Its the fear of being judged because you can't go that causes the bladder to lock which causes a vicious cycle.

@chrisctlr

Жыл бұрын

@@TheAnxietyAttic Got ya. I just mention that because people put it all under the umbrella term of bladder shyness, where people think it's a matter of having stage fright, as if they're embarrassed to pee in front of people. But that is not the case, at least for me anyway.

@jarodnaegele4690

5 ай бұрын

How do you eventually get yourself to go? I have a urine test coming up soon where there must be an observer… I’m worried I won’t be able to go at all.

@chrisctlr

5 ай бұрын

@@jarodnaegele4690 To be honest, I drink until I'm ready to burst. You can try going before you get to that point, and see if chatting it up with the observer helps. Otherwise, if you really really have to go, you will go into survival mode, and you won't care about anything, other than peeing.

@nifb8413

3 ай бұрын

Exactly we are same😂😂😂

For me it’s to where I can’t even go at home alone. Almost went to the ER. The level of severity scales in direct proportion to your levels of stress. Take care of your mental health as well as physical health. Good luck everybody.

@KevinKurzsartdisplay

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. I struggle with it too. I gave up a couple times but I hope this video can help you.

@sillysissyphus4877

Жыл бұрын

Yo I'm not alone?! Omg this has ruled a lot of my adult life.

@evanbouchard7531

11 ай бұрын

Same here

This has become a big problem for me. I was at a bar last night and finally got the stall. In 4 minutes, changing positions, the constant chatter outside the bathroom in the line and in and out to the urinal I ended up giving up, paying my tab and leaving so I could go relieve myself in the privacy of an empty alley. This has been a lifelong thing and I’m 100% and anxious person in general. This video has encouraged me to actually bring it up with a doctor

@TheAnxietyAttic

2 ай бұрын

Doctors have very little understanding of paruresis. Ask them for CBT. It is the treatment recommended by the International Paruresis Association. Also take a look at my CBT based series which has been featured in the IPAs blog and endorsed by the UK Paruresis Trust kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

Why is the thumbnail so accurate 😭

This is only happened to me since covid

It’s been an obstacle in my life. I remember being intoxicated once and I whizzed in front of my buddies with no problem. Coffee sometimes helps when I have to take a drug test. My anxiety kicks up and I have difficulty. Not being in control is probably the issue. I had dizziness before and it was the lack of control that was worrisome. Going forward it might help me to think I’m not the only one. Today I have a drug screen and I think I’m going to have a cup of coffee, relax best I can, lean on my faith and face my fears

The worst is being in a bathroom stall trying to pee while there are a couple women applying makeup for the longest time in silence. The worst cuz theres no way they will be done before you

@All_rounder10

13 күн бұрын

The worst being you waking up right 2 minutes before school and have to go to school with a full bladder and return with almost a bursted one Happened to me more than I can count Imagine my pain

I'm 51. This has ruined my social life for decades.

@TheAnxietyAttic

3 ай бұрын

It did impact my social life for many years but after a lot of hard work it is no longer a problem.

@nifb8413

Ай бұрын

Did you just put Hard work or also took medicine😢?tell me please ​@@TheAnxietyAttic

I went to rehab once and everymonth i had to give urines but i was almost kicked out multiple times for not being able to piss in front of the employee. I then was entered a methodone program for acouple of years and every month i dreaded my upcoming urine and tried every trick in the book to ease my stress like going into the stall with the door cracked but that eventually stopped. I absolutely had to go in the urine with the guy right beside me. So many times i drank water to the point of puking and would try then re try to go up to 10 times throughout the day. I eventually through many failed attemlts was able to convince the doctor that i had a severe issue with going and that i WASN'T faking and i was eventually switched from Urines to moith swab.. which was unusual for someonenlike me in my 20s and was mostly reserved for older ppl with medical conditions who coukdnt go.

i have this its so annoying, it blocks me in so many ways especially because im only 17. I stopped going out with friends because i cant pee anymore, same thing with school i just hold it for 8 hours and dont drink the whole day that causes me to have a headache every single day. Its honestly so annoying and i always get so angry! I tried now with ashwaganda but still its such a big problem…

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

The paradox of shy bladder syndrome is that the avoidance like not going out and not drinking actually makes it worse. Have a look at my series which teaches you how to desensitise. kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html Although it may not 100% cure it you will be able to go in many more places. I have been through this process myself and I can't remember the last time I had a problem. It took a lot of work though to get where I am. Years ago like you I avoided a lot of situations and it restricted my social life. Now it does not affect my life at all.

@cartiluver420

Жыл бұрын

@@TheAnxietyAttic Thank you a lot

@oM5F

Жыл бұрын

Hey man i’m 19 and have struggled since it bad since i was 13. The worst thing about it is that it feels like no one understands, but in reality a lot of people do. as I’ve grown up a couple of people mentioned it to me that they have struggled with it before. your not alone. Try and challenge yourself to go at school when no one is in the bathroom every day. Just try every day. eventually, you will relax and at least let it out a little. that was my method. Another thing you can do is (this sounds so stupid but actually helps) establish dominance with the people you see in the bathroom. make strong eye contact, and in your head say to him “you of all people cant hold me back” if you do this every day, your body will eventually believe it. chin up, shoulders back, firm eye contact and expression when you walk in. if you have to, sit down in the stall and “take a dump” and have the mindset that no one has the power to question you

@cartiluver420

Жыл бұрын

@@oM5Fhey man sry for the crazy late reply but i didn’t see it😭 ive acc tried it but it got sm worse to the point that even when im alone with my father at home i cant go and just pee its so frustrating especially bc im a teen and everyone tends to make fun of me cuz of it. Im going tomorrow to a psychiatrist i thought maybe with medication it could go better but i still think that i never will succeed

@esradogan7959

11 ай бұрын

​@@cartiluver420Have you gone to the doctor? Does medication help?

I'm 69. It's been a plague In my life since I've been young. It really sucks, literally.

For the past eight years, I have been struggling with shy bladder syndrome, which continues to affect me even now as I study in college. This phobia prevents me from urinating at college, leading to feelings of depression and an inability to manage my daily life. Despite searching for solutions, none have proven to be perfect. Can you provide me with tips to overcome this challenge?

@TheAnxietyAttic

4 ай бұрын

The only way to improve paruresis is the approach I describe in the video series that is linked at the end of this video. It is CBT based and very similar to what the UK Paruresis Trust use in their workshops. Unfortunately there is no quick fix.

I’m starting a new job and I worry some times what happens if I have to hold my pee in during work because I might not be able to go in the washrooms. However I have been forcing my self to go in public washrooms and it is helping but I’m not cured yet. I’m just embarrassed to bring this up to anyone.

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

You are doing the right thing. If you force yourself to go in a bathroom whether you can pee or not doesn't matter. It disproves the belief that drives the anxiety. i.e. the idea that people are observing whether you can or can't. Very few people become totally free of paruresis. However if you avoid bathrooms bladder lock will become much more frequent. If you force yourself to go in and don't use any safety behaviours, bladder lock gets less and less frequent. I have paruresis but I can't remember the last time I had bladder lock. However I know like any anxiety disorder it will cause problems occasionally often when you least expect it or when something high on your fear hierarchy happens.

I’m a 13 year old guy and I have had this for about a year. I made a big effort to get rid of it on my own last school year and gave myself the goal of using a public bathroom 50 times. I actually did it and it caused my paruresis to get better, but not cure it. Currently, I can go to the bathroom at home as long as everyone is doing something and I can use a public bathroom stall/cubicle as long as nobody is in there. I’ve recently been using a grocery store near my house to practice just waiting people out, which I have never done. I haven’t been doing this for too long though, so I haven’t had the opportunity to wait anybody out yet. I have tried the breath hold technique multiple times and it hasn’t worked. Also, nobody knows I have this. Do you have any tips, suggestions, or ideas? If you could give me some that would be great. Also, I’m asking this to many people on KZread so don’t think I’m listening only to you.

@TheAnxietyAttic

22 күн бұрын

You are on the right track but probably just need some structure. While you may never 100% cure paruresis with a structured approach and a lot of hard work and determination you can improve it massively. I was in a similar situation to you years ago but these days it is very rarely a problem even in packed bathrooms. I teach the process I used (which is based on CBT) in this video series. kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html The series is endorsed by the UK paruresis trust.

@BlueAngelEdits

7 күн бұрын

I have this too. It really sucks especially when I’m on a plane. It got so severe when i couldn’t relive myself in the bathroom and I thought I was gonna burst. Luckily when we landing I tried to tell myself that I could go and I finally could. But I can’t go in public and that’s my goal as well

@TheAnxietyAttic

6 күн бұрын

​@@BlueAngelEdits Flying was also a nightmare for me for many years as its just not possible to hold it in for a that long without a lot of pain. Thankfully its no longer a problem

Please hear me out! Its not like i fear ppl seeing me pee or something I just cant pee and its ruining me life I have been suffering from secondary paruresis from when i was 8 Now i am 18 and i cant even pee even when i am completely alone or sometimes even at home I cant even imagine how more bad it will get as time flows Its killin me from inside. I just hope if there is some meds or drugs that can help

@TheAnxietyAttic

12 күн бұрын

Medication doesn't really help. Going through the process I describe in my series on paruresis is the only way to improve it. The series is linked at the end of this video

I think I have a mix of primary and seconday paruresis and heres the thing, I'm in high school. It's literally the most teriifying thing to me to pee in a high-school. Also, a lot of the time I absolutely have to go during a passing period because my district literally gives us only 20 BATHROOM PASSES EVERY QUARTER AND THERE ARE TIME LIMITS. THESE PASSES APPLY IN EVERY CLASS AND I LITERALLY AM REQUIRED TO SCAN AN ONLINE QR CODE SO THAT THE DISTRICT CAN MONITOR ME. This leads me to normally try to go during a passing period to save my bathroom passes. The thing about my school is that people like to hang out in the bathrooms for no reason at all and they love to do stuff like bang on the stall doors, screaming, and other weird stuff. I've tried going in the stalls and it doesn't help alot since the people are consistantly making noises and I also feel insecure since my district doesn't have the greatest quality in it's bathrooms. Can you please help me with this?

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Hi Alex. Sorry to hear about your struggles with Pauresis. Your school environment makes it really difficult. Unfortunately there is no quick cure for paruresis. You have to apply CBT principles and go through a desensitisation process to lessen the severity of it. You can do this under the guidance of a therapist or you can learn the CBT principles and practices through my paruresis series which you can find here. kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html If your school has a therapist you could discuss it with him/her. Not all therapists are aware of this problem. If he/she isn't,point them to my video series and tell them that it is a recognised problem in DSM 5 (under social anxiety). They will understand what that means.

@SMG2fanatic

Жыл бұрын

Back when I was in high school, my solution was to go to one of the smaller bathrooms during passing period before my lunch period. Then I’d wait as long as I needed to for the bathroom to clear out. And if you’re not already, cut out coffee and soda. Caffeine (and alcohol, though I hope you aren’t drinking at school :P) is the enemy of a shy bladder. Not even a sip.

@EstbXCIII

Жыл бұрын

​@@TheAnxietyAtticIi have this issue. Unfortunately, just drinking loads of water didn't work for me because it didn't matter how much water I drank because if I was nervous then my body wouldn't allow myself to go so to speak. All I can say is what helped me and it may sound silly, which it likely is lol, but I would phych myself up to become agitated or angry. Sometimes I wouldn't even have to do it and I would just naturally get angry that I couldn't get to be alone and that would make me not think so much and ease my nerves. It definitely takes practice. Good luck to you though.

@freecss9330

Жыл бұрын

@@EstbXCIII Thank you i appreciate it

This has just started to happen to me but its bad and it only happens at school. Also sometimes even when nobodys in the restroom i still cant go

@TheAnxietyAttic

3 ай бұрын

Watch the series and try to apply what I teach in it. It takes time and perseverance but I managed to improve my paruresis 99% and it rarely bothers me now kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

How would you suggest the approach to CBT here? In the past I used to have a fear of eating at restaurants. I helped that fear by starting with drinks, then appetizers, then eating a full meal. I had a fear of social events, so I started off hanging out with my best friend often, then a few friends, then big events became no issue. But here I have no clue where to start. I used to be able to pee just fine as long as there was no one in the bathroom. Now I can’t even pee at work even if I’m all alone for minutes in the bathroom. No idea why this suddenly happened out of nowhere about a month and a half ago.

@TheAnxietyAttic

11 ай бұрын

The reason paruresis gets worse is due to the increase in safety behaviours. If you look at how many safety behaviours you had when the problem first started and look now you will have many more. To improve the situation, you will need a combination of safety behaviour reduction, behavioural experiments, fluid loading and desensitisation which is all explained in my 6 video paruresis series. kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

@poejavelski148

11 ай бұрын

@@TheAnxietyAttic Thank you for your response, much appreciated! I’ll be sure to check out the other videos.

@TheAnxietyAttic

11 ай бұрын

No problem. I suffered this myself so am happy to help. @@poejavelski148

@poejavelski148

10 ай бұрын

@@TheAnxietyAtticJust wanted to check back in to say your video series really helped! I was guilty of water restriction to reduce that peeing feeling I would inevitably have by not going. However, by getting rid of that restriction as you said in your video and by drinking normally, day by day I would slowly feel closer to going and therefore more confident about the situation. Last Monday I was so, so close to going, but it just wouldn’t come out. I ended up taking the time to walk to a nearby foresty area from my office and take a pee there. After that, peeing has been no issue since. Granted, I still have shy bladder when other people are present, and that will be the next step, but considering I couldn’t pee at all before even if alone in the bathroom, I’ll take what I can get. I think knowing that I have that backup plan of going in the bushes if all else fails really helped my mind relax.

Do you think it’s a symptom of broader social anxiety? I feel like if I fixed my social anxiety then I wouldn’t worry about this.

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

For some people it can be part of broader social anxiety but many people with paruresis have no other signs of social anxiety (or at least not at disorder level). For example I am very confident, able to socialise well and enjoy public speaking. My only element of any social anxiety is that I am a little sensitive to criticism. But earlier in my life (before I trained in CBT) I had terrible paruresis. Addressing broader social anxiety may help a little but I think paruresis needs very focused treatment. Particularly important is the desensitisation process. However the principles of CBT for social anxiety disorder and paruresis are the essentially the same. Disprove the maladaptive beliefs and the anxiety and physical symptoms will ease.

My situation is weird, I have secondary but I turn it into a joke and notify anyone or anybody. It helps during drug tests while in the military.

تخيل ياصديقي اني في اول ايام الثانوي عانيت من هاذا الرهاب عندما حاولت التبول اول مرة في الحمام في المدرسة و عندما حاولت ثاني مرة بعد شهر تمكنت من التبول وقضيت بقيت العام اتبول ولايهمني حتا ان كان الحمام مزدحما، ولاكن في بداية العام الدراسي الجديد اتذكر اني حاولت ان اتبول في مرحاض المدرسة ولم استطع وقضيت عام وانا احاول وقلق وااكن دون جدوى ولا استطيع التبول في اي مكان اخر، اما الأن وبدع سنة استطعت التغلب على خوفي بنسبة 40 % واصبحت اتمكن من التبول في المقاهي و المطاعم، وقضيت مدة قصيرة استطيع فيها التبول في حمام المدرسة، وسرعان ما اصبحت غير قادر على ذلك كما اني لاستطيع التبول و في الفضاء الطلق مثل الطبيعة. إلا في اليل، في الظلام اتمنى ان اشفى من هاذا الرهاب اللعين.

I have primary paruresis

I have both primary and secondary

Unless your anxiety levels are down to a much lower level then I would not even try to attempt exposure therapy! And the possibility of this being a gut health disorder should not be ruled out!

Is it theoretically possible for Paruesis to actually be mechanical or nerve related? E.g., trauma to the pelvic floor? Spinal stenosis? My mother had a genetic defect of a bad uretuer valve.

@TheAnxietyAttic

7 ай бұрын

Sorry I don't know. Only a doctor or urologist could confirm that. What I would say though is that if you have Paruresis related safety behaviours then the cause is likely to be anxiety based.

I been to jail over this plz help me

@TheAnxietyAttic

3 ай бұрын

There is no quick cure for paruresis but CBT can greatly improve it. If you can't access a CBT therapist, I made a series that teaches you CBT for paruresis. The series is endorsed by the UK Paruresis Trust and has also been featured by the International Paruresis Organisations in their blog. Here is the link kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

Hello , Martin I’m having difficulty having a bowel movement at work. My stomach thought the day tells me I need to go the bathroom now, however , once I go to the bathroom nothing comes out only flatulence . The feeling of having to go to the bathroom only gets worse thought out the day, this problem is starting to affect my work life could you please help me ?

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Hi Derek. I need some more information to see if I can give you any advice. Is this problem only happening in places with public restrooms. i.e. you are fine at home. Or are you frequently feeling the urge to go and not being able to go wherever you are? And do you feel anxious when there are other people in the restroom and try to go in only when noone is around.?

Sir i have paruresis difficult to pee during random drugtest. Sir it is possible i lost my job? When i cant pee during random drugtest becasue i suffer shy bladder syndrome?

@AnimeFights1996

2 ай бұрын

filipino ka din bro ?

@bossmacvlog

2 ай бұрын

@@AnimeFights1996 ou bro

I had a drug test today and I didn’t know i’m honna piss in the same room the doc is in.. i just couldn’t do it I tried then took a break and came back to try again but still, i feel so awful and embarrassed and she didn’t seem so understanding, i’m gonna go again tomorrow but I’m scared it wont chnge..

@user-nj3ch2oz1q

8 ай бұрын

Did you succeed

@All_rounder10

13 күн бұрын

​​Nah, he'd fail ​@@user-nj3ch2oz1q

hey ,please help me😢😢I am going through this problem...although there is no physical problem I am have been facing this problem....

@TheAnxietyAttic

10 ай бұрын

There is no quick solution to paruresis but my video series teaches you how to gradually improve it so that it has little impact on your life kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

Paruresis has def ruined my life I can’t even use the bathroom at home :( I can only go sometimes

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Hi Libby. Sorry to hear that. It really can be a very life limiting condition. Have a look at my series and try the exercises in it. Although you may never get rid of it totally, with time and effort it is possible to make it a lot less severe. The process described in the series is endorsed by the UK Paruresis Trust and I have used it myself with very good results.

I'm Brazilian and here there's no research about this problem. I suffer a lot. My only wish is to die. This problem destroys my life. It's hell on Earth! I don't know what to do.

@TheAnxietyAttic

11 ай бұрын

Paruresis used to make my life very difficult also but now it has no impact at all and Im free of it 99% of the time. The video series I linked at the end of this video shows how I did this. The method I used is based on CBT and is endorsed by the UK Paruresis trust and has also been shared by the International Paruresis Association. It is not an easy process and takes a long time but it is the only thing that helps paruresis. Here is the link again kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html

Hi. Do you offer video call sessions?

@TheAnxietyAttic

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately I am no longer able to offer one on one counselling. Instead I just try to help people who are struggling with anxiety through my videos. However there are lots of good counsellors/therapists out there who like me have trained in CBT. Most countries/states have a register of therapists.

A tip I was taught many years ago was to try and solve a tricky mathematical equation like 5,789 x 3,098 in your head while standing at the urinal. Distraction worked like a charm for many years... but not so much anymore now I'm older. 😏

@freecss9330

Жыл бұрын

I appreciate it thank you

I can pee in front of any person till I have to take a drug test .what's my problem ?

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Paruresis varies in severity. In its very mildest form it may only be a certain situation like a drug test. In its most severe form some people can't even pee at home if there are others in the house. If you feel anxious about the drug test or being observed peeing (I hear they often have cameras) then it can cause the urethral sphincter to close.

I probably have secondary. I can pee in public stalls but still think someones is listening in with a stop watch on how long it takes me lol. I think its really effected my bladder that they've become weak so i get leakage causing my penis to smell like pee after one piss even tho I'm very hygienic and use toilet paper. This causes more Insecurities and its hard because my urology and doctor says everything is all good, so it must be in my head.

Have cured your parurisis??

@iagoluy3783

Жыл бұрын

Martin, I have been o desensitization process, but I’m think it all time any tip to forget it a little ?

I wish if there was medicine for shy bladder

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately there isn't. SSRIs (anti depressants) may take the edge off the anxiety but alone are unlikely to make much difference to shy bladder syndrome. Only systematic desensitisation can make a difference. Its not an easy process to go through. I have been through it myself and saw a massive improvement but it took a lot of time and patience.

@singlemommy7011

Жыл бұрын

@@TheAnxietyAttic thank you for reply what's the best treatment or idea to overcome this problem

@TheAnxietyAttic

Жыл бұрын

The best treatment is CBT. I have a 6 video series which takes you through the process and CBT tools used to reduce paruresis. It is aimed at men so focuses a lot on urinals but I added an supplementary video which shows the differences for women. So I recommend you watch all 7. The series is endorsed by the UK Paruresis Trust who also have it on their website. You could also go to a CBT therapist. Unfortunately not many therapists have heard of Paruresis but the principles are the same for most anxiety disorders so hopefully they should know what to do. If they are not sure send them a link to my series. Here is the link to the 6 video series kzread.info/dash/bejne/d2l4w5J9hLSZepc.html and here is the link the supplementary video for women kzread.info/dash/bejne/nYyrkpSBg8aye9I.html I hope it helps