Gonna look at these comments every time I lose motivation. As some people have pointed out here, 99% of the time I'm nothing but a voice with no face. This makes it... Incredibly nerve wracking to record and edit my voice overs, worried that I'll sound "too manly" or whatever. I've flirted with everything from pitch shifting my voice, to hiring a cis woman as a surrogate voice, to pressing against my throat in a particular way that kind of helps. I only started watching this video again to see how my voice has sounded lately, but y'all's comments fortified me in a powerful way. I think I'm going to get back to editing now. Love you guys ♥️

@MrPikachuTheMadman

2 жыл бұрын

We're always here for you Penelope.

@C4DeadCharge

2 жыл бұрын

Love you Penelope, as the person above me said, we’ll always be here for you

@C4DeadCharge

2 жыл бұрын

@@GedTV Firstly, gender and sex are different. Sex is biological, gender is not. Secondly, “impressionable children” shouldn’t even be watching a channel dedicated to making essays/analysis videos on mature games. Penelope is hurting absolutely nobody and there’s no reason you should attempt to hurt her. Its her life, let her live it in the way she feels most comfortable living just as everyone is letting you live your life in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. There’s no reason to act the way you’re acting, it’s just pointless hate

@AnAbsurdExistence

2 жыл бұрын

💖

@raziyatheseeker

2 жыл бұрын

PSA: Brigaders will brigade. Leave the bad faith arguments and blatant insults alone to rot and be removed. Report, thumbs up supportive comments, downvote them if you must. But these low-effort clowns won't change their beliefs any more than you will, and especially not on social media like YT comments sections.

Uploading this is the scariest thing I've ever done. Thanks for the support. (All cigarettes used during filming were disposed of properly. Smoking isn't cool.)

@niva1932

2 жыл бұрын

proud of you lead!

@shrekrab

2 жыл бұрын

!@!@!@! ur cool

@jettnash5217

2 жыл бұрын

I hit 1:51 and just went 'Okay cool' :D

@dsblocks

2 жыл бұрын

@UCctN80COmuHefI3IaQN_nXA 99% of nazis die within 2 weeks of reaching the warfront, so maybe you should overthink some of your choices also, "transgender" is an adjective, not a noun EDIT: shitwinger got banned already, if you, the reader, came here to be a piece of shit, just imagine this is directed at you

@frogofdeparture

2 жыл бұрын

Happy for you girl, do your best to disregard the shitheads coming out of the woodwork.

As a guy who's never questioned his identity, but is struggling with depression, this video was still very impactful. Your description of how you started to feel emotions, derive hapiness from the little things, be truly greatful for gifts and be able to get out of bed normally made me realise how much my illness has impacted me. I miss those things so much. I almost shed a tear while writing that. I like crying. I wish I'd do it more, but like for past you everything's too muted to result in such a powerful response. I'm really happy to see you enjoying life again, I hope I'll be next.

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my god this is pretty much literally what I just wrote after watching this video. It’s weird knowing how the video hit someone else in exactly the same way

@pleheh

2 жыл бұрын

I hope you are doing better soon! Even if it's just a little bit.

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

@@pleheh it doesn’t get better :(

@pleheh

2 жыл бұрын

@@ToriKo_ then at least less worse. And you'll still learn a lot about yourself when you feel this way.

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

@@pleheh i can appreciate how true this is for a lot of people, and also how much this sentiment can help people. But fuck man, it’s been 5 fucking years... and it hasn’t gotten any better, at some point everybody dies, and for those people the learning and the sentiments were not enough. I’m sorry for throwing this at you

I found your channel just recently and I've been loving your content. I'm a straight old man, never had problems with my identity and I just wanted to leave this comment so you know there are men who are gamers and support you. I know this word gets thrown a lot in these conversations but I think you're very brave to do what you did and I'm happy you feel better with your identity.

You're probably not going to read this, but thank you. I sometimes come back to this video. I'm not trans, but I struggled a lot with ADHD and depression basically since I was a young teenager. When I first saw this video almost two years ago, I was alive, but i wasn't living. I was just getting up, following my premade college course, learning and going to bed. I didn't have any plans for the future or even the present because, bluntly, I didn't expect to make it this far. I was just going through the motions of what I was told to do, just trying to follow the rules of a world I wasn't made for. For whatever reason, your video stuck with me. It did, *you* did the one thing no parent, self-help guide or therapist ever managed to do: convince me that it can get better. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you were talking about how you finally started to cry again, I genuinely wanted to experience that. For the first time in years, I *wanted* to get better. And now I have gotten better. I'm far from fully recovered, but I can see a way there. I just moved into my first apartment. I've finished my degree, and I've even found a few friends. And I've started to cry again. 2023 was absolute dogshit of a year, and I can't wait for it to be over, but just the fact that I feel that way is so much further than I ever thought I'd come. I understand now why people celebrate a new year. Thank you.

@Seraphinamagi

Ай бұрын

Hey you I hope you’re doing okay

This video felt like catching up with an old friend i haven't spoken with in a long while. I'm glad your doing well, i'm glad your happy now.

@spaalonebabuguuscooties

2 жыл бұрын

man I did that with someone who used to be important to me and yeah I really felt that in this video

@maxmorelikewantedfortaxeva2366

2 жыл бұрын

Meow

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

Did it ever occur to you that he might be lying?

@thiccladasmr445

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds no, it hadn't occurred to me to invalidate years of someone's lived experience with a phenomenon (gender dysphoria) with scientific, psychiatric backing. Has it ever occurred to you that she, and people like her are telling the truth?

@dsblocks

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds "he"🤡

That part about “unlocking” crying really resonated with me. A few months ago, I was able to cry for the first time I could remember since I was a small child. I’ve always been kind of neutral and unfeeling, and even though I cried about something I was kind of sad about, I started to cry of laughter right after because it felt like I finally felt something. Edit: This is my most liked thing ever oh my gowsh

@Synthis_Bioji

2 жыл бұрын

Damn..

@niccy266

2 жыл бұрын

whenever i start tearing up because of a fictional show i think to myself that they're unearned, i should cry about something real. and i think about how the show isn't real and i care less

@kitsoonielol

2 жыл бұрын

I wanna unlock crying, I feel like I only have the demo because my HRT was denied because I was so depressed

@comfortingperson4450

2 жыл бұрын

It's a rare occurrence but absolutely the best occasion, feels so good to just have a head cleared of all the stress and emotion inside

@eltiolavara9

2 жыл бұрын

"I’ve always been kind of neutral and unfeeling, and even though I cried about something I was kind of sad about, I started to cry of laughter right after because it felt like I finally felt something." holy shit its a bit scary how much i relate to this. i have only been able to cry when something that i worked hard in school fails anyways and on pixar movie endings, last time i did (after 2+ years) i was more happy than sad because i finally did it

I appreciate the astounding honesty and vulnerability you’re gifting us with here. I hope we deserve it. You’re a fantastic creator and always will be.

This video has that kind of vibe when you're in the POV of a guy meeting up with an old friend from high school or college that you hasn't really hung out with for some time, and last time the you saw her, she hadn't been living as trans yet. And this is kind of the middle of the night car ride you're going along with while she updates you on what's been happening. In all seriousness, as a fellow trans fem gamer who had just recently found your channel, I'm proud of you Penelope! I wish nothing but the absolute best for you!

I think this is all down to improvement in yourself wether that’s through your identity or your health etc. personally I’ve found that I really want to get into more of a masculine role(I’m a cis male) And I think doing something worthwhile will help me and if found that through the gym being there really feels like Im making a difference to become the person I want to be. Im breaking out of this cycle of playing games all day and it’s amazing

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

It’s interesting to hear this. In my experience nothing I ever do, no matter how brutal, makes me feel any improvement at all, if not makes me feel worse. Because of the lack of efficacy this line of thinking has had for me, i thought it was total bullshit. But maybe there is just an undercurrent of something that effects people so that they don’t feel a difference when they take this type of classic advice.

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

@@EggEnjoyer sorry, to be clear when I said brutal I was referring to how effort is brutal when you are depressed/your life is meaningless. Work/exercise/etc has not seemed to help me

@Anubis424242

2 жыл бұрын

@@ToriKo_ I'm in the same boat as you, so I know what you mean. Depression is like a hell I can't ever escape from and the more I try to do to get better, the worse I get. I hope one of these days, we can break out of this hole we're stuck in.

I've always questioned myself, and never felt very at ease with myself. Obviously, I can't credit you entirely, but seeing someone I admired, and related to, transition made me think about myself. I don't know exactly who I am at the moment, but you are someone who has irrevocably perception of myself, and maybe helped me come out to myself. Thank you.

@LVDVL

2 жыл бұрын

I second this

@En7my

2 жыл бұрын

Hope you can find the power to overcome your fears and be yourself, masks off, always! :)

@En7my

2 жыл бұрын

@Alice or below ground.

@En7my

2 жыл бұрын

@Yeetus debeetus save it.

@elgatochurro

2 жыл бұрын

You're you, stop trying to pretend you're not

Whatever name you use, whatever pronouns you use, however you present, you are loved. Penelope is a wonderful woman who is growing within herself and doing her best. We love you.

@awman698

2 жыл бұрын

Its schizophrenia, my dude.

@patenshreve8796

2 жыл бұрын

@@awman698 do you know what schizophrenia is?

@LaGamerLia666_old

10 ай бұрын

​@@awman698my brother has that, trust me, it's not what most people think it is. And whatever you might think it is, you're wrong for the time being.

@coltforceplayer

9 ай бұрын

We? What do you mean we? Nintendo Wii?

@RaeIsGaee

8 ай бұрын

@@coltforceplayer Most people know what love is, but I guess your parents didn't give you enough for you to also know.

I'm a cis man, but you talking about crying about the things that bother you; that really spoke to me. I'm gonna confront the things that aren't working in my life. And I only just discovered your channel but I gotta say I'm glad to have watched this video, I am happy you have found your way through your struggles, and you have my thanks for being who you are.

@Saward420

Жыл бұрын

I recently only started my transition when I faced all the ways I was fucking up my life. I think there’s something universal about totally lying to ourselves just to keep the lie going.

@asherael

Жыл бұрын

wherever you land, you're valid and wonderful. The world needs men capable of crying too.

I've thought about what I want to say regarding this video. But I don't think I need to write a 5 paragraph essay. All I want to say is thank you.

@stahu_mishima

2 жыл бұрын

I'm not her and even I can feel your graditute reading this. Hope she'll see it some day :3

@belalaloca

Ай бұрын

i feel the exact same. i just spend 30 minutes reflecting on my transition and life so far; this might be the best video on youtube

I'm a bisexual man and the stuff about wondering whether you're really trans hit close to home. I'm sure it's the same with other bi people and probably a lot of gay/lesbian people as well. I was always wondering whether I was just gay or straight, even though it wouldn't make sense if I was either. I used to only feel confident that I was bi like 20% of the time. But then because 40% of time I was worried I was actually straight and 40% of the time I was worried I was gay, I knew I was bi. Even now I still sometimes feel the need to do stuff to reassure myself. On one hand, I blame all the panic about LGBTQ+ people changing their minds and the prominence of the stereotype of bi people being attention-seeking straight people or in-denial gay people, but I also think a large part of it is on me and the fact that I get paranoid and anxious over certain stuff pretty easily. There's also a good chance that all the stereotype stuff prepared me to ask those hard questions early.

@stahu_mishima

2 жыл бұрын

same goes for me as a nonbinary person. I often wonder "am I really not just male, or just a transgender female?" or I wonder if the fact that I'm 17 comes into place thinking "well yeah, I feel this way since two years ago and it's pretty stable but what if everything of this is just my growing up?" but then I think to myself, yeah, I mean sure it does happen to people, but still how does it change what I feel and what I am? I'm still myself. I don't choose to feel nonbinary, I just sorta am. Despite all these outside doubts me is still me, nevermind how much someone misgenders me, denies my identity etc. oh yeah of course, then I remind myself that actually there's also much to fear about and much to risk if I decide to stand up for myself. and it's sort of living in a crutch. one way or another, but I have to make this choice. *Live* or *just* live

@ironveil9722

2 жыл бұрын

you're not alone, same here for a bi male teen. I've never had any form of relationship with another guy, and being in a confusing part of my life is a struggle. Its hard waking up each day and not knowing fully if you're actually bisexual or just 'faking it'. I just find it hard emotionally sometimes, and I agree with how the LGBTQ+ are presented. We're seen as novelties, extras, only exist to advance the plot. The lack of inclusive media makes it hard to relate to anyone.

@3333218

2 жыл бұрын

Same, but Demisexual.

@chestnut4860

2 жыл бұрын

That's weird, I identify as straight but ive been worried I might not be but the internet pushes this fucking "he he not so straight after all, you egg" bullshit that makes me question myself.

I just found this video after someone in a discord that im in shared it, I know you probably won't see this considering I'm late to the party, but I just want to say thank you Penelope. As a trans woman myself I've went through very similar experiences as you. I'm still not fully out yet, but to those important to me they've know for at least a few months now, it's been hard and I've lost about half of my freinds due to coming out. But this video gave me the courage to finally decide to come out to my workplace, and eventually I'm going to come out to the rest of my family this year. I started HRT last year, it's been about six months and I feel like I'm finally starting to live and care about life for the first time, I'm glad that you where brave enough to share your experiences like this, now excuse me while I binge watch the rest of your content.

Trans or not, the content fucking slaps. That’s what we love Leadhead for. It’s great to see a face behind the genius though.

@adamlion3495

Жыл бұрын

Hell no

@unfathomable3434

Жыл бұрын

@@adamlion3495 what exactly is this supposed to be?

@adamlion3495

Жыл бұрын

@@unfathomable3434 exactly what you think it is. Spelling it out for you will get my comment automatically removed by youtube.

@unfathomable3434

Жыл бұрын

@@adamlion3495 ohhh, you dont like people because they are different

@Lucas-yu4bu

Жыл бұрын

@@adamlion3495 what a dumb thing to do, if you don't like someone/something then just leave them alone

This is some real shit. I can’t think of many other people who have taken the time to make something like this, and I can’t imagine how helpful this could be to others who haven’t taken the time to think this through or are scared to do so. Also, dark lipstick is always the right choice.

@hunterkiller6243

Жыл бұрын

this is not real shit!!! this is real fart!!!

This is brave as hell to talk about with complete strangers. I really hope people aren’t awful to you in the comments. Congrats on your transition. I’m glad you can finally be yourself.

@azrieljale

2 жыл бұрын

Its unhealthy to carve up one self body and have a gaping hole thats trying to heal where genitals should be xDDD Me for example im genetically male. But i might aswell be a woman trapped in man's body. And its the coolest shit that could ever happen to me im in a man's body WOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS AWESOMEEEE. Shieet to all guys reading this. Imagine if you were born in a woman's body. Not much would change right? Wouldnt that be awsome. Just respect your nature of what youve been born as. Take your meds and stay away from degeneracy and youll be happy. I would never carve myself up xD or wear wigs like a fool lmao. I go to gym to chad up and be a healthy 10/10 male BODYYYYYY . Thats what mentally stable people who **dont belong in their own body** do.

@thecossackcrusaderofholybr8448

2 жыл бұрын

@@femurbreaker4800 he speaks truth,people like you only encourage and tolerate harm

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

I call bull. It's much easier to seek validation from online strangers than it is to seek it from real-life relations. More often than not, transgendered individuals cut themselves off from their families and find what are known as "glitter families."

@emeraldworldlp8828

2 жыл бұрын

Man there sure are a lot of transphobes here,who probably have never interacted with a trans person in their lives.

@Boomrainbownuke9608

2 жыл бұрын

@@emeraldworldlp8828 these people are not really providing the concern's of gender reassignment surgery right. they are acting very rude. the risks and problems that come with it is having a hole that needs something stuck inside or else it will close up and needing meds to stop the potential risk of infection including it just not being an actual vagina. we dont have the ability to really do gender reassignment surgery properly yet. so for peoples safety and bank balance i would hold off on something like that until its actually possible. wouldn't want to take unnecessary risks.

I will now make misogynistic comments on your videos to show support for your transition.

@KaileyTheAlien

Жыл бұрын

I love internet

@mattheww3232

Жыл бұрын

that's one way to do it lmao, good idea

@zergscaper4714

11 ай бұрын

trans-inclusive radical misogynist

@labrat_09

11 ай бұрын

You’re chaotic good

@nexuszero2683

10 ай бұрын

Trans Inclusionary Radical Mysoginyst

Girl, you inspired me to come out to my friends. Thank you so much

transitioning isn't easy, and trying to truly find yourself is even harder. I'm so happy for you! (apart from all the negativity of course)

@idemanddonuts

2 жыл бұрын

If VRCHAT didn't exist. I would have never found my true self, and probably also dead.

@elgatochurro

2 жыл бұрын

@@idemanddonuts so we should ban VR chat?

@idemanddonuts

2 жыл бұрын

@@elgatochurro r/woosh

@idemanddonuts

2 жыл бұрын

@Yeetus debeetus nah, that's too boring

@sorrychangedmyusername3594

2 жыл бұрын

A little bit of poison wouldn't hurt, but rather helps into the transitioning.

Holy, glad to see you here now, Penelope

Yeah I remember when you came out I was like "oh no I hope she's gonna be okay,, her viewer base are GAMERS, they aren't going to be nice about it"

@hughjanos3992

2 жыл бұрын

based stacy leadhead does it anyway just to fuck with 'em

@Lua0x07

Жыл бұрын

yeah cant wait to see leadhead making vids in her 30s

@hunterkiller6243

Жыл бұрын

@@Lua0x07 Impossible

@madhunter6420

3 ай бұрын

he

@frogboss6833

2 ай бұрын

​@@madhunter6420 do you feel better about your life after making these comments

To Penelope, So I've had this video in my watch later list for since it came out, playing the first few seconds every couple of days to shift it to the top of my history to remind me to watch it. Something about it seemed sort of scary to me, I don't really know what, but today I finally sat down and watched it, and the word I most want to say are is thanks. You said you didn't want to be seen as an inspiration and just wanted to tell your story, but I think that personal story is the most important thing to other questioning trans girls, and for that I must thank you. I saw so much of myself reflected back at me through this video, so many of your own fears and apprehensions are also my own. I haven't started presenting as feminine yet, I still look completely masculine, and I've still been wallowing in self doubt, but seeing that I'm not alone, that you also have questioned yourself and wondered what you would do if you realise you're not actually trans, that's so so helpful to me. Often I've felt like I've been living someone else's life, I found it very hard to feel emotions about anything related to myself, and when I did feel anything it would be so very ephemeral. I even managed to rationalise that the only reason I won't kill myself is that while I didn't care enough to live, I also couldn't care enough to die. One of my constant thoughts about not actually being trans is wondering if the only reason I want estrogen is so I could feel emotions (completely ignoring all my other thoughts pointing out other reasons I want E), but honestly this video has sort of got me thinking maybe it doesn't matter if I decide I'm not actually trans, what's the harm in trying. Over the past few years I can only really remember two times I've really felt strong emotions to the point of crying, first when I told my parents I thought I might be a girl back earlier this year, and second when I finished watching this video. I don't even really think I could describe what that emotion was, maybe a sort of longing, but I don't really know. I always find my voice sort of funny, because for years I hated it because it was too high (I went through puberty quite late) but now I hate it because it's too low lol. I don't have vertigo but I do have enough neurodivergence and low level chronic pain and tiredness to understsnd what it feels like to be unable to do things you really want to do, not because someone else is stopping you, but because you physically can't make yourself do it. I find it interesting that you didn't want to take HRT because you saw dysphoria as a purely psychological thing, I was just discussing this with my therapist yesterday about weather to consider it psychological, physical, or simply a disconnect between the two, I didn't really manage to find a satisfying argument either way. This has probably become my favourite video about being trans on KZread, simply because of how intensely personal it is, though I really don't know how well it works for people who haven't directly experienced these things it's white interesting that other than the direct trans experiences, we're nothing alike to my knowledge, yet I feel so closely related to how you tell the story of your transition. I'll have to watch more of your content now, I discovered your channel a couple of years ago (I think it was the VR room videos iirc) but then it sort of dropped of my radar until this slid into my recommended videos. Sorry for how long and rambling this is I never really know if anything I write about myself is in any way comprehensible. I guess I get to choose what name I sign this with now. Thank you, Hazel

@VeraTheTabbynx

Жыл бұрын

Hey, I know this comment is a bit old but I hope you're doing well. It's a confusing thing and those feelings of self doubt are a struggle and it just isn't as clear cut as people assume. I've had full on mental breakdowns over who I am, spiralled through awful thoughts I don't want anyone to experience, and temporarily taking on pronouns I found dehumanizing just to avoid the fear of transitioning and the disgust of going by masculine. And it ended. All it took was a week away from daily life on vacation and seeing myself in a mirror wearing a dress, and I knew that was who I wanted to be. The thoughts didn't just vanish of course but I can shut them up now. I was scared to death of HRT, I worried I'd lose who I was. That the psychological changes would slowly "erase" me somehow, but I felt I needed it more than I needed to stay "me" so I went down that path. I've been on E for a little under 3 months now. My fears have subsided, the only difference in my personality is that I'm happier and a bit more confident. The other changes have me, even as I write this, in awe that any of this is real. It's incredibly slow acting and detransitioning is entirely possible, you're not "stuck" wuth what you choose. I feel free. My body stopped feeling like a prison and became more what I would call "actually me". Out of all of this, the best thing I think you can do is experiment. Try things out, don't just throw yourself out there, don't fall into the pitfall I did where you don't give yourself an easy way "back" if you wind up feeling it isn't right or maybe want to try out other identities like non-binary or genderqueer to see what feels the most like "you". Sorry for what I imagine will be a wall of text, I'm kinda bad at formatting. As I said at the start, I hope the best for you and anyone else reading this.

@MsWalkrOfSky

Жыл бұрын

Hey Hazel. I hope your life is going well. I watched this video for the first time tonight. I also felt a lot of the same fears and apprehensions. I was even presenting femme for a long time before I pulled any trigger due to fears that slowly slipped away through time as I kept putting one foot in front of the other on transitioning. Even if you haven't done anything but what you've acknowledged here, know that you're on your own pace, you don't have to judge your progress by others or what you think is where you should be. I started questioning 7 years ago, I was genderfluid the last 2 years of it, and at the start of this year I presented femme when I started a new job while still going by my male name and most people still using male pronouns. 11 months later, I came out officially last Friday. God do I relate to your thoughts on voice. Not deep enough when I was younger, far too deep now. On dysphoria... I didn't think I really had much dysphoria. Then I started HRT. Now I realize I had dysphoria about some things, I just truly couldn't realize it until I had a different experience. Hope you're well, Lucy

@floosh1730

Жыл бұрын

In November last year I realised I was trans I had spent the better part of the year questioning myself, and it was really scary to admit to myself that this isn’t who I want to be. I’m not a man. I’m not a boy. I’m… a woman. I have done absolutely zero steps towards transitioning yet, except for walking in the woods trying my best to get my voice higher pitched for 10 minutes before it starts to hurt. I’m worried about my future, but seeing people like you all being trans, having taken steps and being happier for it, makes me optimistic. I still worry that I’m not trans whenever I get comfortable with myself, because how could I be comfortable when I’m not even trying to present feminine? But it’s gotten better. It’s gotten better, as scary as it is. -Della

@belalaloca

Ай бұрын

sending you love hazel! hope you're doing well; you deserve it.

Here is a quick summary of want I think I need to say. 1) Good that you managed to find yourself. 2) Its awesome your still alive 3) My perception of you hasn't changed. You are still a good creator to me and this platform

Leave it up to Leadhead to make a damn good script, almost cried at "pretty soon I'll cross that state border again." Congratulations on making this video, this was beautiful.

When you were talking about how you started feeling emotions instead of emulating them, It really made me think... I hope one day I can be content, even as a cis male.

@sillylilstella

2 жыл бұрын

everyone should be able to feel content, being cis/straight doesnt make you any better or worse than anyone else on this planet

@jellycore1316

2 жыл бұрын

@@sillylilstella Exactly, agreed. Everyone's a person, and your gender, sex, attraction and all that doesn't change anything about that, or how good or bad of a person you are, in any way.

@OldLadyMapleSeed

9 ай бұрын

I hope so too, you deserve to have that and I’m sure you’re capable of it. Much love and good luck

@LiEnby

8 ай бұрын

Now I run emotions on real hardware.

This was beautifully made. I was happy crying.

I'm a cis male, never questioned my identity and probably never will, I didn't think there was going to be much here for me here but I was wrong. You just made me realize how bad of a state I currently find myself in due to depression and how bright days ahead can be by talking about your nihilist past self. I can now begin to understand better how I feel thanks to this video. Don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'm grateful you posted this.

@ToriKo_

2 жыл бұрын

It’s kind of startling to me how many guys there are in the comments who have had this same reaction, myself included

@ChauncyFatsack

2 жыл бұрын

Bunch of patricians drinking the frog water! Don't ever breed!

@bugjams

2 жыл бұрын

@@ToriKo_ I agree. I hope people realize transitioning isn't just a cure-all to depression. The last thing I wanna do is gatekeep who can transition but I just hope people understand that gender dysphoria and depression can feel similar, but aren't exactly the same thing. And that one can sometimes cause the other. If someone thinks they want to transition they should have take _very_ long time to think on it. I was unsure for 2 years before beginning. I'm happier now. But I've also heard stories of people who thought they needed it, but ended up regretting it. With HRT, that's fine - the effects are reversible. With surgery, it's obviously not. Also I wish people would stop thinking that trans people _immediately_ get surgery the moment they realize they're trans - it often takes many, many years to be comfortable enough to undergo surgery. Tl;Dr, as long as people are 100% sure about it, then fine. But people should definitely take a couple years to make sure they're sure.

@empcat1254

2 жыл бұрын

I hate to be that guy but nihilist

@Delophantae_

2 жыл бұрын

@@empcat1254 thanks

Hey! Hiding yourself away, it isn’t sustainable. It sucked for me. It’s a big step to open up, but one that definitely gets you far. The “tough guy thing” you mentioned in the beginning really resonated with me. Freely being yourself, it’s amazing. Coming out was really difficult, but in the end it made life a whole lot easier. I hope things go well for you!

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

Spoiler alert: they won't go well.

@laerolatfaniurn5888

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds what? why? please elaborate :)

@jojojojojojojojojojojojo4181

2 жыл бұрын

@@laerolatfaniurn5888 and they never elaborated

@somelass231

2 жыл бұрын

@@jojojojojojojojojojojojo4181 of course not, because they don’t have anything to support them being a bigot

@kigurumii

2 жыл бұрын

@@laerolatfaniurn5888 he will hang from cieling fan in n a year confirm bro

I've always been supportive of trans people, but personally never been able to quite understand the thought processes or motivations that go into transitioning. Thank you so much for sharing this story, It has been eye opening in WAY more than one way, and I'll probably have to listen to it a couple times and really think about things. Not saying that you speak for all trans people or anything of course, but I think the insights I gained from this video will really help change the way I thought about the whole process. I hope all of this comes off as super positive because this really was a fantastic experience for me and I learned a ton. I have nothing but great things to say about you, your channel, and this video.

@lazcomic4963

2 жыл бұрын

You should watch a KZreadr called Contrapoints

@poop_storm

2 жыл бұрын

@@lazcomic4963 she borders on being a transmedicalist a lot of the time sadly

@hazelnutbread5467

2 жыл бұрын

@@lazcomic4963 transmedicalists are basically people, trans or not, who consider medical treatment as "necessary" to be trans. Some might, for example, think that "real" trans people must take hormone replacement therapy or undergo genital reassignment surgery, and that anyone else is faking it or otherwise unworthy of the label of transgender

@misteryA555

2 жыл бұрын

@@poop_storm Does she? I thoughf I remembered her saying stuff akin to "There's no one kind of trans person" several times throughout her videos. I don't watch her very often, so I definately might have missed something, but I never got that impression

@poop_storm

2 жыл бұрын

@@misteryA555 she's not that outright about it (which is why I only say she borders on it) but she has a pretty smug attitude on social media about newer forms of queer identity expression, a lot of people think it's gatekeep-y and elitist in a similar vein to TM beliefs. She's still a decent enough starting point if you don't know much about LGBT issues, maybe I'm being a bit vindictive.

I'm not lying when I say that the parallels between where you were pre-HRT and where I'm at are strikingly similar, especially as far as how you described your emotions, because that's EXACTLY how I feel. Seeing your journey, kind of gives me hope for my own, and I am SO thankful that you shared this. I know how hard this video must have been to upload and I'm so proud of you for uploading it anyway, overcoming your fears in doing so. I hope you find even more success now than ever before!

doesn't matter if you are a guy or a gal. you make quality content. we are here all the way.

@ghost_1153

2 жыл бұрын

Hes still a guy

@pennysantana247

2 жыл бұрын

@@ghost_1153 your mom

@SkynetCyb

2 жыл бұрын

@@ghost_1153 What are you trying to do? Like what are you expecting is gonna happen from your message? Do you just like hurting other people?

@ghost_1153

2 жыл бұрын

@@SkynetCyb Im speaking my mind, since anyone can claim to be anything (this is obviously a free society) i should be ebale to speak my mind and give my thoughts on the topic. Dont forget KZread is a platform free for everyone if you are willing to uplaod something, dont expect only comments you like. So no, im not trying to hurt nobody, i dont even want to.

@TheAidsterlafriniere

2 жыл бұрын

@@ghost_1153 you seem like the kind of person who think that attack helicopter jokes are the pinnacle of comedy

Hello from Russia. I'm not some LGBT guy or something and I really haven't a clue about your trans. I definitely support you for your honesty and strength you're a great content maker. Moreover obviously i respect you for the good quality content you are making for us. Really like your analysis on Valve games. Wish you best :D

@Osh_93

2 жыл бұрын

another quality Valve video out now! Such a fun video

@dafunktrunk

2 жыл бұрын

@@Osh_93 Yeah, the Moron theory video made me remember how hilarious Portal 2 was and how many of those jokes flew above my dumbass 14 year old head

@user-oe5gv4sm3z

2 жыл бұрын

Чеши к нам на парад в поддержку, у вас менты злее

@dafunktrunk

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-oe5gv4sm3z Are Russian cops fine? I've seen a few protests videos and assumed that they were pretty bad too

@user-oe5gv4sm3z

2 жыл бұрын

@@dafunktrunk no I'm Ukrainian

Lotta courage to be yourself on the internet, you f*cking go girl.

True courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the ability to press forward despite of the fear. This act was courageous. I hope you know that.

thank you for opening up about this, ive never really talked to anyone who was trans on a deeper level and always wanted to know more of what being trans is really like as a lot of it is blown out of proportion in the media,, being straight it is difficult to understand and your story -coming from a youtube creator ive followed for over a year, gave me a way to better empathize with trans individuals,, really happy to see you conquer the difficult parts in your life and be happier now!

Your videos have improved and completely changed the way I look at a lot of games and media in general, keep doing what your doing and stay you sis, love from one trans woman to another.

@boredbitch666

2 жыл бұрын

I'm a trans woman too and I couldn't agree more sis

@jamesdrake4724

2 жыл бұрын

@Yeetus debeetus stop larping as someone anyone should care about XD

@hackE444

2 жыл бұрын

@James Drake I guess that guy really sucks at larping because I don't care about them

@churroburro-813

2 жыл бұрын

@Yeetus debeetus do you even know how to troll ? Man its like you're not even trying lmao

I was already a big fan of your channel with alot of respect for the work you put in to your content, now I have so much respect for you as a person aswell, Congratulations, I'm very proud of you!

as a closeted trans girl this is a video I desperately needed to hear

@UliTroyo

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, hope you can find your courage someday.

@Lylybeebee

2 жыл бұрын

the irony of describing yourself as closeted to a public space making you by definition not in the closet

@invintedwalnut

2 жыл бұрын

@@Lylybeebee that's not even slightly how that works

@invintedwalnut

2 жыл бұрын

@@kigurumii I need to stop being openly called slurs, higher rate of being abused and made homeless, and being discriminated against in the work place, so I can live a normal life. fixed that for you. I hope you enjoy openly being on the wrong side of history, future generations will spit at your memory

@scrungle6521

2 жыл бұрын

@@kigurumii Yknow, its because of people like you that trans people need a bit of validation sometimes. Stalking the comments and insulting every trans person you can find, as a psych major I could make some comments about your own sense of self, but unlike you, I don't wish harm on people I disagree with

It's funny how much of this I relate to personally. I'm not trans myself, although I thought I was at one point, but I've felt the same "hollow emotions" thing my whole life. Recently I've made my own lifestyle changes, and am starting to see the same emotions pop up again that I thought I'd lost. I'm getting excited for video game releases and working out, about to start a new job, and this video came at what might just be the perfect time to put things into perspective. Thanks a lot for this Penelope, I've been a long-time viewer and I'll definitely keep coming back. :)

Lead!!! I am so proud of you for coming out like this!! You fucking rock the lipstick btw. You did this so well!

I found your channel through your Celeste video about a month ago. Watching this gives me a lot to think about, as I'm questioning my own gender as of right now. I wish you happiness. :)

@user-xu1ru1nu3y

Жыл бұрын

you play celeste, so id be more surprised if you weren’t questioning your gender

@spookiuwu768

4 ай бұрын

I've never felt more attacked by a comment LMFAO

As a trans woman who's very early in her transition, this video gives me a peek at what I could be. The early moments in Penelope's transition are so relatable. I'm a depressed nihilist that just thinks her life is shit because it happens sometimes. This video made me want to cry, but I couldn't because my emotions just aren't "full". I remember being a happy child and then puberty started and not very cis thoughts started popping into my head. I'm still afraid that it might just be a phase and that I was wrong. But this video gave me a look at what transition will do to me. How much better my life will be. I want to transition, but I can't go out and buy makeup or feminine clothing. I am (and always will be) read as male in my school. I'm still in my teens and it is too early to have access to HRT. Every time I think about being myself, I just come to this conclusion: "I can't be myself right now and I just have to wait years. At least it's getting shorter by the day." I came out to my friends and family, and they do try to validate me, but it's not enough. I don't know if I can stand boymoding for another 2 years before I can even access HRT. So, yeah, this video is like a preview of my real self, and how I'll be in a couple of years. Also, about the periods thing, I'm AMAB, yet I have periods. I have boy parts and testosterone effing up my body and my mind, yet I have a 24-day-long menstrual cycle that if I told anyone IRL, they'd call me crazy. All that to say, I desperately need estradiol, it's the only cure to all of my mental illnesses just like Penelope.

@hunterkiller6243

Жыл бұрын

man last time i went to the toilet i felt great. i love drinking toilet water ngl....

@ImPyroChad

Жыл бұрын

@@hunterkiller6243 ??

@asherael

Жыл бұрын

godspeed Jane Glenn

@JL-sw7mh

Жыл бұрын

Curious how you’re getting on.

@stirpiano

11 ай бұрын

@@hunterkiller6243 same 😍😍

Your content was always above anything considered "par" by far... and this just is the elegant icing on the most admirable cupcake. You don't need our permission or approval... but we love you. Thank you for all you have shared, mind soul and now body. F any haters, we got you.

The story about your vertigo was really relatable to me. I have similarly unexplainable headaches, my limbs gets heavy, my vision goes black around the edges, my eyes dilate, and my head seems to pound against its casing. the first time I had one was at my own birthday party, and it ended in a seizure. needless to say I didn't stay at the party. It's not epilepsy or migraines or iron deficiency. I even had an MRI done to see what was up and all they found was an unrelated sinus infection. Here's hoping we can both figure out what causes our unique little brain fuck ups.

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

That is one cursed profile image.

@FiSH-iSH

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds i dont see whats so cursed about it

finding this video later than expected, as I usually binge your videos every so often once I remember how great of content you make from the bottom of my heart, I am so happy and glad you’ve found your peace. It’s truly inspiring and uplifting to hear your story. Nice to meet you Penelope, I hope you’re able to continue finding your happiness every day

Vid deserves a whole lot more views and attention. As I was putting stickers on little bags of dye, I got to hear an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it, you're awesome.

god, i really need to start this but i'm still too overwhelmed to get myself to make a commitment this was a very hard-hitting but much-needed reminder i need to stop procrastinating on this

@shovel_salesman

2 жыл бұрын

go for it!

@raziyatheseeker

2 жыл бұрын

Don't do what I've been doing and stay closeted, even on HRT. Go for it. Worst case scenario, go for an informed consent clinic if you're an adult. If you've got a psych, bring it up with them.

@frostbite3413

Жыл бұрын

I believe you people are sick and need help

i'm happy for you. wishing you the best

@dsblocks

2 жыл бұрын

thank u femur breaker

I stumbled upon your content for the first time with the P.T. analysis video, which frankly. Made me very impressed on your take of it. This was the second suggested video and your personality blows me away. You're genuine and very clever. I find your way of open heartily talking beautiful. I'm a fan of your work and of you as a person.

I'm physically pogging right now

@QueenYeenOfAberdeen

2 жыл бұрын

Pogging (Real)

I haven't cried this hard since Violet Evergarden because I finally feel like I'm being understood. I relate to you in so many ways but haven't gotten hrt yet because my parents still don't believe it's right for me. It made me so happy yet sad to hear you live the life I want to live, as though it's like I'll be able to live that way as well eventually but I'm also full of regret I didn't do anything about it sooner. I don't think I can stand living without hrt anymore, and I'm going to start doing everything in my power to finally get this thing I need to feel normal. Thank you so much for not only being someone who I can deeply relate to, but inspire me to be the person who I am and start living for once. I really needed this.

@blindey

Жыл бұрын

Hey there. I just saw this video, and this channel, did you start HRT? I hope you're doing well, from one random internet person to another.

@mypetblackie108

4 ай бұрын

​@@blindey Hi!! Yes!!! I've actually been on hrt for 1 yr and 10 months now!!! 🥰 (sorry for the late reply 💀lmfao) iirc, I went to my mom the night that I watched this video, and she helped me find an lgbtq+ friendly doctor that I made a telephone appointment with, and the rest is history!! :) I cannot stress enough how much hrt has drastically improved my life. Instead of having a constant film of sadness over everything I do, there's a constant film of happiness over everything I do. When I cry and ugly sob, I can't help but smile a little knowing that estrogen is allowing me to feel the full extent of these emotions that I haven't been able to feel for so long. I started dressing in girl clothes publicly in march of last year (after 1 yr on hrt!!) and I've never went back. For the first time ever, people- approach me?? I think it's just because people can genuinely tell I'm happy, and thus come off as more friendly? Idk. But I've been able to make so many friends, to the point that I even got into my first relationship!! Every day, I look in the mirror and smile, to feel proud of myself for having the strength to finally, truly, be my real self. Hrt is so fucking worth it.

Congratulations!!! So excited to keep watching and see what you do next 💖

Ive watched alot of coming out videos. This is the best one. It hits so hard You said so many things ive felt but had no idea how to put into words.

i know youtube is a shit platform, but it's people like YOU that makes me happy i spend time on YT. YOU have made the past two years bearable. i'm 32 and the last two years KILLED me, i don't have a persona anymore. i'm autistic and by luck found jobs that absolutely tore down the moral support system i created. NOW i'm just unemployed, married, and completely lost. i want to see this winter out and see another spring, but god without things like your channel id crumble into dust

@tommybatmanvercetti6008

2 жыл бұрын

Bro we love you you are here for you you're very important

@Yuti640

2 жыл бұрын

i'm autistic too, it's not easy and i relate to a lot of the being comfortable with the self aspects of the video it just helps that knowing someone managed to get there, and i believe you can too, i think we all can

@hellgodbabydamnno8978

2 жыл бұрын

@@Yuti640 ilysm

don't sort youtube comments by new worst mistake of my life

@indigo7332

2 жыл бұрын

I already did 😔 And I wholeheartedly agree that this has been a mistake

@tenthirtyone1

2 жыл бұрын

Don't pay attention to them, just a bunch of sweaty obese 13 year old transphobic low life's who un ironically look up to Patrick Bateman.

@pennsy6755

2 жыл бұрын

*best mistake of my life

@playknightboy

2 жыл бұрын

I mean, not new that this kind of videos will get some negative comments, i think it's natural when it comes to the subject.

“Metal Gear Solid 2 is incredibly important” With a hook like that I have to watch

hearing that most conservatives treated you well reinforces the idea that the Internet isn't reflective of society at all (at least in North America). I think we're going to be okay :)

@stirpiano

11 ай бұрын

I mean the transphobia craze has risen tremendously since the release of that video

@gregtaylor9806

9 ай бұрын

The coverage of such a craze.

@StavroginNikolay

6 ай бұрын

@@stirpiano We are just going back to normality. Deal with it.

@henriquemelchiorgomes8750

5 ай бұрын

​@@StavroginNikolayfucking normies, get out of my board

@henriquemelchiorgomes8750

2 ай бұрын

@@StavroginNikolay ok normie

even though i haven't transitioned yet it feels nice knowing that i related to a lot of this. this was an amazing video

@Yuti640

2 жыл бұрын

well... relating to human emotions doesn't require you to become the person that those emotions are coming from, i'm not trans and probably will never be but i relate to a lot of aspects of this video and it's an inspiration to me

@satanzbarz6111

2 жыл бұрын

@@Yuti640 yeah that's true

I support it. I support it fully.

You are a great content creator. I have been loving your videogame essays and ideas. Keep on living and doing all this awesome content you do and being yourself. Supporting you 100% Penelope!

I never really followed your channel just was peripherally aware that you made really quality video essays. Recently got recommended another video so I watched it and I noticed I wasnt subscribed. So i did and went to watch trough a bunch of videos and i gotta say i cant believe ive been sleeping on this channel for so long. And this might be a bit weird but honestly it makes me irrationally happy to see that you could get closer to figuring yourself out. Ill definitely be sticking around for whatever you continue to make, be it about games or something else entirely. Wish you all the best.

💖 hugs to ya, Lead.

i recently got outed to my parents. I'll spare you the details, but i basically got too cocky with where i used my chosen name, and when a letter arrived up, with a strangers first name and your own last name, of course youre gonna ask some questions. My mom really wants to ask some questions, and I dont know how to answer them. I've been doubting myself a lot lately because of these questions, but watching this really calmed me down. I currently present female, and i feel a lot like how you described your pre transition self. Im just in this bubble where i can barely feel true emotions until it suddenly pops and its all at once. (im guessing that difference is fucking estrogen messing with me. ) Ive also wondered if im some kind of psychopath because of this. This video really calmed me down. Fuck man. Ill get better. I dont know if testosterone will just fix me like estrogen fixed you, but this has really comforted me.

@frejo1931

2 жыл бұрын

anyway i havent been paying attention to your channel in half a year or so but your old fight club video is super duper eggy

You know, its about time i finally booked an appointment to start the process myself. I've been putting it off for all the reasons you had apprihensions

@summerblade3790

6 ай бұрын

Hope it went well - the grass is greener over here

@ashlet6035

6 ай бұрын

Congratulations! I hope it went well.

Switching to my "main" that I never use for this I could go on and ramble about how amazing this video is but I'll just say, thank you. I love it. I don't think I've ever cried to a youtube video and I feel like I understand myself better thanks to you now Just today I started getting scared again that I would never understand myself and no one will be able to help me do so but then I saw this, thank you lots, and good luck

@JM-yq9gd

2 жыл бұрын

41%

@plesbeans7440

2 жыл бұрын

@@JM-yq9gd wow it’s almost like this percentage is so high because of the amount of transphobic people and the immense backlash towards being a member of the lgbtq+ community

Those feelings of psychopathy, and almost feeling like a different species from "normal people"... that's familiar. I've never felt the need to think/act in any major way about my gender (I have been wearing binders almost exclusively for a few months, and presented "tomboyish" in general for years at this point), especially since my social life has always been quite limited (and why feel the need to declare anything about myself, if not for other people? I'd just make things harder for the few I still have left)... but you've given me something to think about. I think I need a spot where my life and my thoughts can come to a peaceful standstill, where I can really hear myself. I'm so glad you decided uploaded this video - I'm just an occasional viewer (subscribed though, of course!)- and I'm wishing you all the best if the feedback is worse than you'd hoped. You're brave, and strong as hell, as you've proven time and time again with your honesty in all of your videos, especially this one. Thank you for doing what you do! Thank you for not giving up!!

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. So much of your journey feels like a reflection of mine, granted I'm still in the very rocky stage of early transition and doubts are still daily, but this video helps to know that sticking with it and committing is absolutely the right way to go. I know I'm 2 years late, but thank you for making this video and laying such a vulnerable part of yourself bare for the world to see

Hey, thanks for this video and sharing your story. I also appreciated the way you edited the video and the angles you chose, it made me feel like we were having a conversation. I can relate to things you've said, for example : "The games and movies that I talk about on this channel have been a medium to express myself to you all." Have a nice day :)

As a N.B. person who has been out for just over a decade now, It's been a treat to be a small observer to your journey. I won't lie to you, coming out and living as Trans is a really difficult thing, especially on the toxic side of KZread that capital G "Gamers" like to hang out in. So I'll just say this, in my experience its easier to focus on the negatives, and on the people who our extremely vocal about their bigotry, but they're just an extremely loud minority. The people who come to this channel come for you, we like what you do because you put yourself into the videos you make. So when that minority comes shouting, know that they are exactly that - a minority, and their is a more powerful community behind you, and proud of you for living as you. My first video I saw from you was when you recreated your room in VR, but the one that hooked me and kept me coming back was your video on Firewatch, your take felt personal and meaningful in a way other content creators just didnt get. At the very end of that video you spoke about how the forest was a place where time didnt pass and Henry leaving it meant that he could get on with his life. I've seen on Twitter how anxious you've been as you've waited for this video to go live, I hope now that it is out you like Henry can know you made the right choice in releasing this, and keep moving forward with your life. Thank you for being you, and for taking us along for the journey.

@KenanTheFab

2 жыл бұрын

from one enby to the other: ignore them i know thats an easy answer but it is hillarious. They will get *desperate* for your attention and either become more toxic (wasting their time) or go awkward and quiet since nobody cares about them. trust me, try it once and you will laugh at how easily these idiots cry

@tree4126

2 жыл бұрын

Omg my first lead head vids I watched were room in vr and firewatch too! Fire videos tho, I’ve watched them multiple times

@keeb__

2 жыл бұрын

@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 this comment kinda says the opposite

@keklord4128

2 жыл бұрын

What the hell is N. B.

@KenanTheFab

2 жыл бұрын

@@keklord4128 Non-Binary!

Hold up folks. New leadhead video. The arguably most important one at that Luv u leadhead 💜

im into video games and like your writing style sis ❤️ actually really loving your content so much lately. life has been pretty tough in some ways lately and i found your content relatable and familiar in a way that's been comforting and thought provoking. i appreciate all the effort you put into your content.

It was so weird hearing your different voice the first time, it was quite hard to watch afterwards, but I powered thru and now, knowing that you're much happier this way is very amazing. Glad you're happy.

you got our full support.

@Skittles694

2 жыл бұрын

MARS offering support for LEAD Cogitator ENTITY WE. STAND. AS ONE.

@keeb__

2 жыл бұрын

@@Skittles694 wat?

@Skittles694

2 жыл бұрын

@@keeb__ THIS human *ENTITY* HAS REALISED WEAKNESS of self AND IS *IMPROVING* self. CRANIUM encased IN *LEAD* THE OMNISIAH APPROVES.

@ertx2083

2 жыл бұрын

Scp roleplay be like

the moment of describing everything you finally broke down about damn near got me while I was working. I feel that, so much.

As someone who is going through a personal journey of identity and mental health a lot of the points and stories you told gave me a lot more insight and confidence with who I am as a person and my emotions (or the lack there of) Love your work and keep going to the sun explodes!

I haven't even started playing the video yet, so bare with me. I just want to say congrats on the courage to post this. My best friend came out to me as trans not even three months ago and she's still figuring tons of stuff out. It's an exhaustive process, and this come about two years after she realized she's autistic at age 30, which was quite exhaustive as well. I can't even begin to fathom how hard this must be or how scared one might to even ackknowledge oneself and then come out to others. You did great, girl!

@keeb__

2 жыл бұрын

@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 clearly not a wig lol.

@mayday2639

2 жыл бұрын

@@keeb__ clearly not a man either lmao, get your eyes checked sparkle

@milk_bath

2 жыл бұрын

@@mayday2639 If you don’t like it then leave. No one is forcing you to watch these videos.

@mayday2639

2 жыл бұрын

@@milk_bath Don't like what? @SparkleSparkleSparkle commented something that invalidated Leadhead's gender. I don't think you read my comment correctly

@ghost_1153

2 жыл бұрын

@@mayday2639 it is a man born a man will die a man or more correctly a male

We love ya no matter what, and honestly seeing you coming out like this infront of 280k people is actually quite inspiring

this video really helped me come to terms with what I want in life. thank you so much for making this and being yourself

Thanks for making this content. You contextualize allot of the issues i also face in a clear and consice manner and its so hard to find affirming content like yours :)

Crazy respect to you, love this. The audience who stays will be better and will grow as a community of love rather than one of strength (providing the best service). And I think the positive impact on you this community will have will mean it'll grow to surpass everything you've done before.

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

No, the audience that remains will become a hugbox.

@emeraldworldlp8828

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds lmao if transphobes leave everyone will be happy, and by the amount of likes these comments get and respect this video is getting nothing will change other than the community becoming more friendly

@oliverjurd

2 жыл бұрын

@@emeraldworldlp8828 wow he got ratioed hard

I started watching this channel a while ago for the super interesting commentary on media, but I stayed for the personal journey that began to develop and became more apparent as I watched. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the music, movie, and game commentary, but this development of you as a person is what keeps me here. I’m not in the LGBTQ+ community, but I always love stories of those finding themselves within it. Here’s to you girl, you deserve it.

Aaah, I was gonna write like a paragraph about stuff but then I backspaced it all and idk (adhd) but I just wanna say I love you and I've been watching you for forever and this video was just amazing and I'm so happy for you and it really means so much for me and wow just ahhh idk but yeah thanks so much for using your platform I guess for being out idk but thank you xxxxxxxxxx

Thank You for sharing Lead, though i am newish to your channel this changes nothing, your content is amazing through and through and this is a fact ! I can't imagine how much strength this takes and though its vastly different, as someone who suffers from depression, the idea let alone the action to speak out on it in fear of others not understanding etc etc, this takes immense strength and courage. Keep up the amazing work and thank you for sharing !

I was forced to be closeted for years, and put off transitioning for another two due to family worries and COVID hitting. Starting HRT in December has honestly improved my mood SO much, I would have found it hard to believe beforehand. And it's exciting, since I've only just started. I'm very happy for you!

@Lilly-Gorney

2 жыл бұрын

I related really hard with a lot of what you said. I cried at one point. Thanks for sharing.

It takes immense bravery to lay yourself bare like this, to youtube, to a workplace, or to your own family. I have nothing but admiration for your fortitude, and I wish you the best, girl!

I don’t know if you’ll see this, but holy shit the timing. I just started to transition And I’m waiting get heath ins before I start hrt. But everything you said was so relatable from thinking you used to be a psychopath to the slight satisfaction of any validation. I’ve always loved you’re creativity and you’ve inspired me to replay all my classic favorite games but truly enjoy it. And now you have taught me to enjoy life the same exact way💗 best of wishes babe and good luck on whatever this channel brings 💕

Something I pray never happens to you is that bull where when a KZreadr opens up about being trans, they suddenly fall off the app. I hate when that happens to those people, they usually end up leaving or stop uploading as much just because of just some sudden loss of views. I pray this don't happen to you. Your video analyses are amazing, and I pray that you keep getting the views you deserve.

It's hard finding yourself, and I never think you truly stop growing and finding out who you are as you grow. I'm wishing the best for you, Miss LeadHead.

It makes me so happy when youtubers I watch transition, whether they're on camera or not. Transitioning saves lives, it's absolutely true.

@johnathanjarisch7323

2 жыл бұрын

You are totally delusional, transitioning doesn't save lives.

@NotBigSurprise

2 жыл бұрын

@@johnathanjarisch7323 transphobia takes lives = ) so maybe stop pretending you care about trans people

@rachelstout6186

2 жыл бұрын

@@johnathanjarisch7323 Yes it does, empircally. Affirming gender almost assures that the person will not attempt or even think about suicide.

@johnathanjarisch7323

2 жыл бұрын

@@rachelstout6186 It hasn't done that, the transgender suicide rate still sits sky high after transition.

@johnathanjarisch7323

2 жыл бұрын

@@NotBigSurprise And just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I am a afraid trans people. You haven't bullied everyone to submission yet.

Man I have been watching for over a year and I really respect the honesty and bravery of what you did by uploading this. I am also excited to see that your expectations of dropping from 280k seems to have not happened. I think people who have come to love your content just appreciate seeing you be yourself and be honest with yourself. I look forward to seeing more from you Leadhead, Penelope.

Thank you for being an inspiration to animators and artists like me!

More power and courage to you Penelope! PS: Your writing, as well as your style and presentation were excellent from the beginning, but I love how much they have further evolved and gotten better during the past year.

@blugastidiofable9517

2 жыл бұрын

Isn’t Penelope a girls name?

@shrekrab

2 жыл бұрын

@@blugastidiofable9517 she is.. a girl..

@blugastidiofable9517

2 жыл бұрын

@@shrekrab he doesn’t look like one…

@shrekrab

2 жыл бұрын

@@blugastidiofable9517 *she. Just because she doesnt look like one doesnt mean she isnt one

well done mate, takes alot to come out like this. ive just learned about this transition and it feels like ive learned just another fact about you. im bisexual myself and it took a dose of mdma for me to come out of the closet. but i think im still gonna be staying for your brilliant commentary videos

@circleinforthecube5170

2 жыл бұрын

mdma is a gift from above

@hate6crew6death6roll

2 жыл бұрын

@@circleinforthecube5170 waay too true. acts as an truth serum better than anything else. also makes you more susceptible to emotional conversations. if they replaced anti-depressants, with monthly mdma therapy sessions , we would see amazing results, we already are for vets with PTSD thanks to the work at MAPS foundation. interesting work, check it out

If someone unsubs because you made the incredibly brave decision to make this video, then it's their loss. I followed this channel because I absolutely love the way you analyze things and break things down in such a clear and concise way. Your personal life isn't my business and it's certainly not something that has any bearing on how much I enjoy your videos. I hope things continue to improve for you and you are happy and feel fulfilled.I thoroughly enjoy your ability to take concepts that seem intangible or difficult to describe and write a video breaking it down so it can be better understood or seen from a different perspective. It's really entertaining and I look forward to seeing more!

Good video. I was shown your portal 2 video by some friends, i didn't think i had been shown your videos before but i had pre-voice training and they told me you were trans. Definitely earned a sub from me. As a transgirl who started HRT only 2 months before you i share some of those feelings. Not sure how long you've been doing voice training but if you see this you sound good. I've been doing voice training for 3 years and now i know how some others felt about mine. Still recognisably sounds like you but girl. Keep up the good work girl. Enjoy life's feelings DLC. Life is beautiful.

Girl, I'm gonna watch this back some day when I unlock crying and dammit I will cry the whole time. I'm so proud of you.

@omniscientbarebones

2 жыл бұрын

Achievement Get: You’ve rediscovered your emotions!

@KelniusTV

2 жыл бұрын

I've heard that to unlock crying, you need the EM upgrade, and to defeat the boss on level 17.

@omniscientbarebones

2 жыл бұрын

@Denis wow, that’s so bold, are you a social rights activist?

@omniscientbarebones

2 жыл бұрын

@Denis it is because She didn’t feel comfortable as a man, she believed that she wanted to be a woman. But just because She’s trans isn’t a reason to hate someone.

@drugin6162

2 жыл бұрын

@Denis doubt anyone's gonna miss you

This is beautiful, not just the message but also the editing. Rooting for you

@SirBlackReeds

2 жыл бұрын

If you're telling the truth, then you should tell him to get reconciled to his sex. That'll do him much better than HRT and an invasive surgery.

@courierbilly

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds Your trolling game is weak.

@dsblocks

2 жыл бұрын

@@SirBlackReeds egg

@flankerwagen8595

2 жыл бұрын

@@courierbilly cope