You are helping me so much throughout my journey! Thank you so much! I grew up in so much chaos, focussed on my studies, and left the house and moved overseas at 24. I finally opened my heart to love and just attracted the worst people for me. I stopped drinking a year ago and have just been focusing on myself. I am 27 now, single and not looking, just healing and watching your content. Thank you so much for putting into words something which is extremely hard to explain, even to oneself :)

@danetspeaks8708

2 жыл бұрын

Amen 🙏🏾

@ccc4102

2 жыл бұрын

You have your whole life still ahead of you. Courage⚘

@elvansavkl7972

2 жыл бұрын

I am very glad to find her , here ,too.

@deadinside8781

2 жыл бұрын

Damn, you moved overseas. I chickened out of a 10 day trip.

@kimvanwyk6694

2 жыл бұрын

@@deadinside8781 hahaha 😆

Bad relationships not only ruin your good looks but also make you more prone to illnesses from the stress.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

That is true. -Cara@TeamFairy

@contentedspirit9022

Жыл бұрын

I'm living proof of that. I'm 63, have healed some things, but still parenting two girls with cPTSD who are just too afraid to hear how to be healthy. Especially the oldest, as she ALWAYS thinks she can't be alone and survive because she CAN'T do it on her own. The youngest has numerous issues and needs education and training, but school teachers were traumatizing and she's been unable to get the right resources for help. I was a critical care RN that became very I'll and disabled (single mom) without family to help. Youngest is trying more than oldest, who has had many bad relationships and still in the midst of a mess. Thank you for your videos. I use them in our conversations and it has helped - just moves VERY slowly this way.

@tejug1161

Жыл бұрын

100%!!!!

@Sarahblcat

Жыл бұрын

You are right. During a toxic 'half' relationship, within the first two months I had shingles, a kidney infection and I developed an eating disorder for the first time in my life. I had the eating disorder for 5 years Even strangers would ask me why i wasn't eating. I was in my early forties at the time. When I finally cut him out, my eating disorder went away. I am still working on the profound trauma from childhood though..

@andziagreen4922

Жыл бұрын

True... Experienced myself

"Bad relationships wreck your good looks"...this is so true.

@bagels3050

2 жыл бұрын

Not only that, bad relationships will affect your health negatively.

@sherriann674

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely true in my case. Working on getting my groove back!

@kerry378

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, why the cycle feeds on itself and like trying to get out of quicksand.

@ThesySurface

2 жыл бұрын

Yes but then you glam up…after mass abuse and absolute bullshit instigated by a psychopath 😂😎👌🏽

@bagels3050

2 жыл бұрын

@@ThesySurface i get you, im more interested in examining and fixing why i let this person is my life. Its important for me to do this, getting myself together on the outside is easier than fixing myself on the inside. I definitely don’t want to go through this again.

I’ve been isolating for two years now and working on myself in trauma therapy full time. When people say isolating is bad, it always rubs me the wrong way. I think most people could deal with one or two years of extreme isolating and introspecting. 💜

@claire1880

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same. I'm isolated by need for 2y. I have to focus on my healing and then, when I will be stronger, I will meet again. It takes the time it takes but now I moving safely Thx fairy Anna for all you bring to us ❤️

@kcflygirl29

2 жыл бұрын

Isolating is much better than jumping from one unhealthy relationship to another. Congratulations, I commend you.

@tonifonseca9178

2 жыл бұрын

personally i did that while i was still in my marriage , then just dated for 7 yrs. i thought i would be in a healthy relationship after taking very expensive classes but no i have a different mind set but narcistic men still pop into my life, the current one just started showing his fangs so gotta do some planning and action!

@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788

2 жыл бұрын

agreed. I stopped biting my nails at 39 years of age, after a three-month "inner pilgrimage". No TV, no smartphone, no people. Just my dog and I, journaling and frequent walks in nature. Stopping biting my nails wasn't a specific goal of this purposeful isolation period. Instead, it was an accidental positive result. My hands had been a huge source of shame, guilt and low self-steem all of my life. Now I don't need to hide them any more.

@alef3224

2 жыл бұрын

@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 certainly a quantifiable result ⭐️

I've spent my whole adult life fantasizing about a good relationship. When I'm with a man, I daydream about how he proudly introduces me to his friends and family, being invited to the bbq's, sometimes I talk out loud and imagine his responses. I receive bread crumbs and take it as a sign that I'm almost there, on the edge of finally getting what I want. Even when I was young and received as an attractive female, having good looks only got me men that became sexually obsessed. That was the height of my success with men. Well, I just recently ended a casual relationship. He showed up at my door, promising to finally stay the night instead of making excuses as to why he always had to jet out the door as soon as he got his sex from me. I told him nope, too late, I've lost interest. It felt so good to close the door on him without letting him get a word in edgewise. I didn't yell, didn't slam the door, I just did it. As soon as I did, I knew I'm finally on my way to turning on my "cab light" to attract something better. I'm lonely and afraid I'm too old now to attract a man. Yet at the same time I feel a strange confidence. I think these videos, the Daily Practice, and some therapy will really help me get there.

@heathertjaden756

4 ай бұрын

I can totally relate to your story ❤

@OziBlokeTimG

4 ай бұрын

Women have the power. Biggest trouble is finding the right person then not being too choosy. Good luck sister. .... blokes advice...🤩

@truenorth7949

4 ай бұрын

i can totally relate to you i'm in the same situation, been there and once you lower your standards with men it ends up somehow harming us in the end. Keep those standards up and the right one will cross your path eventually, in the meantime, live your life with passion and joy, focus on doing things that add to your life and personal growth. sending you good energy from Canada

@OziBlokeTimG

4 ай бұрын

I'm same but reversed sex...

@phoenixmode6909

4 ай бұрын

Wow, you just expressed the way that I feel. We are not alone in this. ✌🏻❤️✨🌻

I tell my friends that relationships are like projects, clean up your mess before you start another project.

@TheSpaceCrafter

Ай бұрын

love this

@AndrewTannerMusic

Ай бұрын

Yeah, women definitely need to heal their wounds before they jump into bed OR a relationship with another man. If you don’t, you WILL hurt the next guy(and yourself more). Guaranteed. I see it all the time. But people get so infatuated with their LUST/emotions for someone (which is stupid) instead of looking at their character. If you ladies make relationship/s3x decisions based on your emotions…that’s the VERY SAME THING as a man “thinking with his little head”. NOT smart. Following emotions is what immature children do before they grow wise.

Hanging onto a bad relationship (FWB; situation-ship) is a placeholder ~blocking~ space for _healthier_ future relationships. Like a junky garage -> can’t park a nice new car. 💔❤️

@GabrielleTollerson

Жыл бұрын

THIS ❤

@human_4real

Жыл бұрын

I recently had a woman come into my life who had that FWB in the way of a healthy connection. I don't play games, so I exit stage right.

@yvonneschermerhorn866

3 ай бұрын

Well put!

Never immediately leave one relationship for another. I promise it more than likely won’t work out

@ninamartin1084

2 жыл бұрын

Also, don't leave it 15 years between relationships.

@GuidetteExpert

2 жыл бұрын

Not true!

@tnt4648

Жыл бұрын

@@GuidetteExpert Can you please explain why you say "Not true" ? I'd like to know if you went into a relationship soon after leaving another relationship.

@thelordcommander5

Жыл бұрын

True that. I have been falling for this one so many times, like my mind has a mind of it's own and I feel angry at myself for losing my consciousness AGAIN. As if I am on autopilot. I don't seem to think anymore.

@lynnebucher6537

Жыл бұрын

I did that when I was young. eventually figured out I needed to take time between relationships for introspection and healing.

Attracting is one thing..... entertaining is something else..... If you are a bright light and amazing person.... almost everyone will be attracted to you......healing makes you only entertain the ppl who you should be with

@pawfecttails22

3 ай бұрын

A person can attract, but not entertain. And when you know your worth, you choose to entertain only what you know you deserve.

@Julie-gd2sy

2 ай бұрын

Yeah I normally leave fairly quickly cause I’m very sensitive to toxicity. However I never met someone both heathy and I felt attractive(had chemistry) 😢

@nadineelizabeth195

Ай бұрын

This is blessing and a total curse. Gift of discernment is so important when you are a bright light to know whos genuine and whos worthy of your reciprocation

@cristinaxo

Ай бұрын

Wow this is brilliant-so simpl yet, brilliant thank you!!

I like how she emphasizes fantasy relationships and "spacing out". After years I realized that was so detrimental to my mental health and I hadn't thought healthy people could tell the difference

@kristakahlo

2 жыл бұрын

omg...i finally have a label for past behavior with a guy i met when i was 18!!! i also have a weird unconscious thing i do where i attract guys that remind me of a few different rock singers i have "schoolgirl crushes" on...i would be 75% attracted to a boyfriend and then use my imagination pretending they were one of the singers they resembled, and that's how i stayed in a relationship sometimes - whoa! 😲

had me at "people don't want someone in a bad relationship, healthy people will wait for the right one...."

What hides your light? Being in a bad relationship. Not being truly available. Addictions, porn, anger, drama, conflict, romantic energy leaking to others in casual relationship, for example.

@szasremmurd8002

2 жыл бұрын

Whew 😥 sheesh u just read me

@pinacolada1393

2 жыл бұрын

@@szasremmurd8002 I kind of felt seen 😳

@mikejohnson2098

3 ай бұрын

Romantic energy leaking to casual relationship? Never heard that before.

@chaitea3421

3 ай бұрын

@@mikejohnson2098yeah sometimes people invest romantic energy into platonic connections where the romantic energy is not reciprocated, thus your reserves go empty and problems arise, like more isolation, fear, etc.

@mikejohnson2098

3 ай бұрын

@@chaitea3421 Thanks for clarifying

I was blinded for 23 years yet everyone around me could see what was happening....thank God I woke up to this and left, AND put up and reinforced BOUNDARIES....

I agree carrying around a lot of anger isn't a good thing either .. It actually tends to scare people away...

@howardcohen6817

2 жыл бұрын

Recently the bus-driver who was wayyy behind schedule was very angry with me for crossing the street to his bus to get out of the rain. He scolded me and for the first time, I tried NOT getting angry back. "I know, it's frustrating being so far behind schedule. I've been waiting for you on the other side for your return trip. I'm sorry that there's so much construction going on on your route - it's not always like this." We didn't become the best of friends, but I see him often (in the bus) and we greet each other civilly. His frustration hadn't anything to do with me and I needn't have reacted in kind. I don't think that he wanted to get angry at me when he started his day. Had I gotten angry in kind, well, I'd have to sit down and recover from being angry. The other passengers would have seen me as an angry person, which I'm not and, yeah, it would have scared them.

@lynnebucher6537

Жыл бұрын

@@howardcohen6817 good catch on your part, recognizing the driver was just having a crappy day and his irritation with you was just the final straw of his patience. He'll likely always remember that you were kind to him when he was at his worst.

@genxx2724

Жыл бұрын

@@howardcohen6817 Interesting. I was at the grocery store and wanted to buy half a cabbage. The produce man was right there with the cart, stocking things. I asked if he could cut a cabbage for me. He snapped “no halves!” I looked at him, annoyed, but didn’t say anything, and turned back to the cabbages. Then he said he’d do it. Idk if he thought I’d complain to the manager, or he just realized he was wrong. I asked why he reconsidered, but he didn’t respond.

summary: take care of yourself; dont let TV or spacing out take up all your spare time; dont self isolate; dont be overbusy (too much time at work? overbusy in solitary pursuits?); dont be in a bad relationship; addictions, drugs, alcohol, porn; carrying a lot of anger; having a lot of drama or conflict; dont be emotionally bonded to your ex; be free of past relationships. I am not sure what "spacing out" means (being alone and fantasizing instead of healthy self-reflection? not being "present" when you are with someone?)

I think in today's world it's really hard to find someone single who isn't hanging onto at least one ex-lover as a 'friend.' I'm not talking about two people who share a child/children and need to maintain friendly contact for the well-being of the kids. I'm talking about people who want to continue to share closeness, comfort and emotional intimacy with his or her ex-partner and rebrand it as 'just friends' - as if it is irrelevant that their closeness was established withen the context of a romantic/sexual relationship - while developing a new relationship at the same time. It's become so normalized and we keep being told it's 'healthy' despite the fact it usually causes problems in any new relationship. Problems that are, of course, attributed to the new partner's 'jealousy' and 'insecurity' rather than the fact that the whole situation is inherently strange and disrespectful to the new partner/relationship. There are even dating coaches here on KZread that encourage you to be cool with a potential partner who hangs out with his (or her) ex-lovers/spouses...

@Merbella

2 жыл бұрын

@OX 808 XO exactly 💯 so many have a secret life in their phones. I miss the time before "smart phones" and social media 😪

@marijckegibson7358

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Suzy! Totally fair/valid points, can be very disheartening and demoralising. Though, I do think there are alot of amazing people (on a healthy wavelength) that have their 'cab light on'. I think with dating, in a healthy/clear frame of mind, and taking the time to get to know someone, we can pick up on the nuances (sometimes overt) earlier on if there is a lingering ex, and move on from those who are emotionally unavailable for this reason. As Anna has mentioned previously in other videos, healing and doing the 'inner work' helps us to attract healthier people and to discern whether someone is a healthy fit for us. Without the healing, we may have pockets of low self esteem that blind us to these red flags and keep us holding on to someone who is not right for us. I'm slowly learning to steer clear of these types. Anyway, I feel your frustration and thank you for sharing your insight

@BB-uz8pn

2 жыл бұрын

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. Just dumped a dude who was weirdly intimate or had kissed/some stuff with all his female friends, and he called me insecure for being upset!

@kaitlinmoore1420

2 жыл бұрын

@@BB-uz8pn Good for you!

@universaltraveller8510

2 жыл бұрын

I am the one of the rare people who do not keep in touch with any past people. Nothing at all. I was in a bad stage back then and do not want this energy again. And even If I was in a good place, still don’t wAnt the past

This is a damaged person's projection fantasy of how "healthy" people present themselves. Actual healthy people aren't afraid to bring their anger and sadness out. They don't edit themselves to appear a certain way for the purpose of attracting someone. They're ok with their whole range of feelings, and there's also plenty of room for others feelings, and people around them feel comfortable by that.

@sarabrittlegill9587

4 ай бұрын

I agree. Some good points in this about who we are matters, but nobody is perfect. Nobody is without issues. I think I’m looking for how someone becomes vulnerable with a potential life partner. How they manage the negatives that life throws at us all.

@DarkFlower012

3 ай бұрын

Agreed. I like to think I'm a very perceptive person, but if I see an attractive stranger, I'm focused on that and learning more about them, not what supposed "energy" they're giving that tells me they must be too close with an ex. The most accurate point she made was that isolating will, by default, keep your "cab light" off in the sense that it's literally preventing you from meeting anyone.

@pawfecttails22

3 ай бұрын

Each one of us may be damaged in one way or another. Vulnerability and understanding are the keys to dealing successfully with different issues that can destroy relationships. Trust and mutual support will definitely help the relationship last. It is very important to help each other heal first before embarking on a serious relationship.

@brother_of_bruh

Ай бұрын

Thank you!!! I was thinking that thoughout the video.

After deep healing from CPTSD, I love being solo because my spiritual life grew exponentially. Bliss....

@nadineelizabeth195

Ай бұрын

Me too. I'm trying to find the right environment that aligns with my values but it seems crazy everywhere

Once I met a guy and he started gaslighting on the first date… 😳 It took me 24 hours to realise what‘s happened and I „broke“ before it really started. But… it took me one week to recover from this date. In the end I‘m happy, that I realised the red flags so early.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

@nadineelizabeth195

Ай бұрын

He sounds toxic. What did he do? When i see someone trying to gaslight me first conversation it's so weird but we are protected some people don't see it until it's too late

Alone is better then being a victim again !

@xyaeiounn

3 ай бұрын

Both are the same from the point of view of a hug from someone who cares.

My ex is painfully addicted to porn and cam girls and it quite literally broke my spirit and my self esteem. But I didn't realize I was broken and emotionally paralyzed until the delusion fell away and I had already changed everything about myself into what I thought he wanted from a girlfriend. We lived together in my home and I literally couldn't step away from him for longer than it would take to go wash my face or grab a snack from the fridge. My mind was constantly focused on how he was looking at and talking to other women online. At one point he even had several dating apps. I couldn't sleep or eat, I lost 27 pounds. I can't even believe I have the courage to type this, but this channel has finally encouraged me to start going no contact with him and start living my own life. I don't want his addiction and lifestyle and negativity to stop me from having a fulfilling life any longer. Thank you so much for these videos, I was referred here by my mother, who experienced several relationships like my last one, with cheating and addiction. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now even though I know I need to continue to work on my codependency and boundaries.

@CapriceWalker

2 жыл бұрын

I have been there. You can NOT negotiate this on your terms. You need to get away from him. Don't waste years waiting for HIM to change. Claim your power and dignity and rediscover yourself again. Godspeed.

@ShadowSis

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear. Wishing you better days ahead 💓.

@MountainBikeBabe

2 жыл бұрын

Mantra: My Divine Partner Now; it isn’t him. He’s broken and unfit for a relationship. Just cut him loose, like ripping off the bandaid just do it. You are looking for something he doesn’t have to give. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. The sooner he is gone the sooner you meet the right one.

@eleniadamopoulosclavijo7274

2 жыл бұрын

I thums down for the pain you've had to endure🤗you are not alone

@GuidetteExpert

2 жыл бұрын

Ew he is for the streets!

i gotta say, this woman has rewired my brain chemistry and singlehandedly got me thru a shitty break up. thank you fairy, we love you ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Yay!

I tell men that I am taking resumes. I have CPTSD from severe childhood abuse but I am also almost healed about as much as possible and ready for real love.

I have been single for ten years now and it hasn't done me any good. I am tired of it and I think inside myself I have given up. I have gotten used to being without someone even though it hurts like hell everyday is hard. The only good thing I have finally accepted after 35 years of pain is that there is nothing wrong with me!!!!

@sherriann674

2 жыл бұрын

If you do decide to date again I would strongly suggest you take Anna’s dating course before you start. I was single for ten years and like you sick of it. I ended up getting entrapped by a toxic narcissist and didn’t see any of the signs as I was just so relieved to finally have someone.

@pyaarzindegi1346

2 жыл бұрын

@@sherriann674 thank you for your kind words Sherri Ann 😇. I have a lot of soul searching to do and will consider taking the dating course. I am just glad to have discovered that I have childhood PTSD and can now finally understand why nothing has ever worked in my life 😁 sending you lots of gratitude and best wishes 🌟

@chebtremb2244

2 жыл бұрын

Hey if you ever do take it. I don’t mind taking it withyou. I’ve been single for 10 yrs but 6 years of those I’m in a situationship which ended 2 years ago. I got ghosted. Now I’m lost in between space and not ready to date yet until I fully healed.

@2Ryled

2 жыл бұрын

If you have given up people pick up on that. Your interactions aren't fun, and happy. They are probably monotone and don't care. Why not try meetup groups in your area. You can meet people with same interests, and the pressure is off. Just practice interacting in a group setting. So when you want to attract someone, then your skills are better at chatting and interacting.

@monikaozog7611

2 жыл бұрын

It’s all about a change of mindset before you go back out there. I follow Mark Rosenfeld to boost my confidence

This is so on point!!! I failed constantly and thought that could change the wrong kind of men who had substance abuse issues and different goals/values. The problem was that I had low self esteem and wasn’t happy on my own. Have been single and focused on healing and creating my own happiness/life of my dreams for 3.5 years now and my life’s been so peaceful. I eventually found a great church and it’s so beautiful to finally be around men who respect me as a person, share the same values, and that I can talk to without them hitting on me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Ай бұрын

So glad you made it! Nika@TeamFairy

I’m 52 and I’m finally figuring out why I decided to stop dating years ago, as well as, why I’m not compatible with the guys I tried to date all these decades. Thank you for this.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. Thanks for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy

@JesS-qx2sd

3 ай бұрын

I'm with u

I started listening and watching your videos thinking that I could help my granddaughter who is 14 and living with me. She had come from her mom's house and had been abused and neglected for at least the last 7 years. And of course this is a generational curse for us. My mom beat me, I beat my daughter, and my daughter be my granddaughter and I want to stop it. There will be no more of it in our family. I have learned so much about myself through listening to you and I'm 66 years old. I really was messed up when I got out of high school with unsuccessful jobs, relationships, and friendships. I was a very angry aggressive person. I spent 10 years in the psychologist and psychiatrist office and with group therapy which I believe helped the most. I did go on to have a successful career as a nurse and am now retired. But I find myself raising my 14 year old granddaughter. She does see a therapist and the therapist sees me as well and then we see the therapist together. She has improved greatly in the last year since she came to live with me. But I am of the opinion that you can never do too much self work! I want to thank you for your videos❤

I suspected a lot that you said already. That even if you think it's private, that it's within you, it changes your energy, and healthy people have a sixth sense to pick it up. Thank you so much for what you do.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching! Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

I just broke up with someone that i knew was not the right person for me as we both had too much childhood trauma that kept on being aggravated by the other. We also have certain fundamental beliefs that were not aligned that i felt that i would need to compromise on if we decided to continue the relationship. I had a lot if trouble letting this relationship go because i was scared to be alone again and i just didn’t want to deal with the heartache. Watching this made me feel very hopeful of my future because I’m looking forward to my healing journey. :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

Rooting for you :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I’m surprised to not have seen this really mentioned on your channel, but I’ve had the opposite problem. when I began entering relationships (since moving out of my toxic family) I was more often than not the more abusive and hurtful partner. I met several people who were kind and supportive of me, but I would inevitably return to behaviors that were detrimental to the relationship. It took until I was 23 to recognize the pattern and put a stop to it. It was a rough awakening realizing that I had never really witnessed my parents nor any two family members exhibit and maintain a healthy and communicative relationship. Without that model, it can be quite challenging for CTPSD sufferers.

@natliekla

2 жыл бұрын

Your story make me think of my friend. She did not like when i told her but at the same time saw what i meant. I feel this too, in situations where I should say "ok, this is clearly not working" and just leave, I stay and keep on fighting... So im putting others through hell because I can't let go 🤷‍♀️ waking up to the problem is the first step, now i want to learn how to get it right from start

@deut

2 жыл бұрын

@@natliekla Oh men you are telling my relationship story... After 3 different relationships where i can not let go, i'm finally waking up to the fact that i'm the problem.... :( I had parents that communicated really badly with me and eachother. And i need to set good communication as one of the neccessities of my next good relationship. But i keep coming back to woman that suck at it :(

@dishes2wash11

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve noticed this too! I would like to attract healthy people to model appropriate behaviors, so I can learn how healthy people respond. The conundrum is I need to portray these healthy responses to keep these healthy people in my life long enough to learn from them…

@debragoforth4738

Жыл бұрын

Luckily at 23 you have lots of time to start over with lessons learned for a hopefully better outcome next time. Wait until YOU are READY to start re-planning YOUR LIFE and on someone's else's timetable and needs. You will KNOW when you are READY to START AGAIN!! YOU WILL FEEL READY AND IT FEELS RIGHT!! Start SLOW so you don't crash and burn again. Good Luck! 👍

@klaudiazmigrodzka9939

Жыл бұрын

How introspective and smart of you to wake up to it. This looks like the other side of a coin. And the self awareness is probably the only way to heal it.

You attract people. Or you seattle for. Or they are attracted to you. Or they groom you. Or you a lonely and they are offering comfort. There is a lot of ways you get stuck in something with someone. When you can not stand the 4 walls of your own mind the company of others offer's relief. At a price.

I had a therapist actually criticize my intent to stay single for at least a certain amount of time while I’m dedicated to figuring a lot of this stuff out. He was concerned that I would miss out on the opportunity to be with my right person by not being open to dating. But I really think that there are times it is appropriate to turn off the cab light and spend some time in the shop.

If you don’t know what you want, you will get something you didn’t choose 🤔

My cab light is very bright, I feel it and it also shows. I'm experiencing my feminine self and I love it. Watching for those triggers and revamping into overriding them. Letting them dissolve and peacefully go away. I feel my heart open up to heathy people and environments. I don't ignore red flags and also not quick to judge, but when I'm alert to my own need to change course with myself or others I'm not afraid to be pro-active. Sometimes there is loss but better now than later. Also, I don't have to run and hide or remove myself from something I love. I move through the awkwardness and get to the other side. I don't have to run anymore. I say no if I know triggers may come as the result of a request. Getting to know myself is a great safety net. And self care. Also being aware of others feelings, not overthinking or rushing to conclusions. Alert to fantasy and limerence, like a remote I can change the channel. It feels good for my mind to slow down not let panic and anxiety win the day. For me bread crumbs aren't an acceptable diet, wither in friendship or romance. Others still don't see me, but less often now and I don't care, I'm comfortable with myself and able to handle when I am alone in a crowd. I make a way to avoid triggers, not being too early and removing myself from something uncomfortable, just ways to success and self care. I'm not afraid to look pretty consistently and have a quiet confidence.

@cloustons

Жыл бұрын

How long did it take Linda?

@lindawaxman570

Жыл бұрын

@@cloustons I began in 2019 when I met a narcissistic man at the library. He just wanted a friendship which I didn't understand. He said odd things so I began researching and found out about covert narcissism. He reminded me of my absent father, he was strange. But I didn't understand strange since I had no voice when I was younger. After ten months of the so called friendship he discarded me, but I was ready. He did weird things also at times. This experience brought me up to date on my issues of abandonment and neglect. So my journey has brought me much healing and confidence. I still struggle with loneliness, limerence, etc.but still learning and a much more confident whole person. I save myself from suffering with the knowledge I now have and figure out men much sooner. I have an inner Joy because of my faith in Jesus.

@sayusayme7729

4 ай бұрын

Wonderful 💚

After 10 years of romantically isolating, a fell limerent for a woman that spent nine months pursuing me. I liked the attention, but overlooked some red flags in both of us. I was fantasizing about having a real partner, but they had a habit of negging the success of my friends. I kept trying to brush it off, but eventually they resorted to attacking the character of one of my close friends, and when i mentioned that it hurt me and why, they told me that I shouldn't take everything anyone says personally and that she is entitled to her opinion. So my limerence was POPPED in that moment and I ended it. We had a lot in common, and I felt close to sharing my life in a long time, but envy, negativity, and condescension are definitely dealbreakers. I feel a little bad I got limerent, but at least I wasn't mean.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

That "pop" saved you! Thank you for sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy

Bad relationships ruin your good looks. I'm someone who tends to like keeping exes and that could be why I've been struggling to find the right guy. Thank you for this video.

So true about how your addiction changes your energy!!! In my experience dropping addictions really did turn my light on, it's crazy how that works

Well, when you are a person like me (ugly and disabled) where your whole life felt ignored by the opposite sex, you take who ever shows insterest. And yes, I live my relationships in the present, "while they last" because at least I am happy to be in one, something I never imagined I could have.

I isolate because I have no where to go. I'm happier and safe at home.

It’s difficult getting back out there after devastating health issues and a divorce when your 55 and raising a grandchild

@I3rittanyLynne

2 жыл бұрын

Have you guys seen Melanie tonia evans channel? I’ve been using her program with some success reversing chronic health issues as a result from narcisstic abuse and childhood cptsd

@deanarjones9114

2 жыл бұрын

@@I3rittanyLynne I’ve been watching videos for several years and going to therapy for one year, besides my medical doctors, chiropractor, and doing yoga. There’s lots of good information out there that was never available before. I’ve had thyroid issues for 36 years and autoimmune for 22 years. It took a long time to even know what to look for and how all things were connected.

@lorrainea6177

2 жыл бұрын

@Deana Jones BEWARE of trolling narcissist conmen with handsome(?) pictures & 2 first names... They prey on vulnerable woman with challenging lives & CPTSD issues. I caution you, from EXPERIENCE & LOSS to these predators! One hit on you below... I can see them from a mile away now! ❤️🙏❤️

@deanarjones9114

2 жыл бұрын

@@lorrainea6177 thank you. I’ve always been cautious with the opposite sex. Anyone in the comments or any online platform doesn’t ever stand a chance.

One can have a bright cab light and still have to wait for the right passenger 🤷🏻‍♀️✨ Dating comes with issues..

@queenneurotica4591

2 жыл бұрын

Glad I’m not the only one who thinks this!

@fn3458

4 ай бұрын

What you said resonates with me. But do you think it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy? In that instead of taking self-accountability head on, we tend to blame the ‘timing’ as a means to slow down or not be all out in our search.

@staceywood7800

3 ай бұрын

@@fn3458 Yes. There’s something holding me back for sure 💛 Still single, still have healing.. many blessings to you 🙏

I like how she didn't go into talking about "The Law of Attraction," and actually gave practical steps to make yourself a better partner. Well done. I really think a lot of both men and women in Western Countries will not be happily married NO MATTER WHAT WORK THEY DO ON THEMSELVES. People have become VERY politically ideal driven. This has a lot of consequences. It is not healthy. Try anyway and if it doesn't work out develop the deep intimacy you'd share with a partner with yourself.

Get out fast is the best relationship advice in the video. When you meet, you’ll know. Trust that gut feeling.

When I started a relationship with my ex I was 34, I had never been in a long term relationship because my parents pushed me to study and to work. I had started dating after 30 but because I was very youngish looking men would treat me very nicely at first and then would make snarky remarks about IVF when they found what was my age. Men would assume that because I was single in my 30s and good looking, that I was sleeping around when I was not looking for casual sex and I was too naive and inexperienced in relationships. I wanted my only long term relationship to work, and I truly loved him, but he wasn't ready to compromise with anything. I wouldn't compromise with living with his mother when both he and I have our own apartments. So that relationship ended for real 5 months ago and now I am a 39 years old single woman and I don't want to die childless. I have always wanted to have a family. I have pushed people away because of my social anxiety.

@angelamossucco2190

Жыл бұрын

You deserve to be a parent and when you decide how to do so it will happen for you. Write down your resentments and fears and exactly what you need and want. Study it.

Here comes the Fairy with another great video. Thank you Fairy. I'd like to add that physical and mental clutter also dim the cab light. We all probably know that mental fog is reflected in our outter environment and vice versa and that messiness, in my experience, comes out in our work and relationships. It steals a lot of good energy, light and joy.

@Captain_MonsterFart

2 жыл бұрын

I am struggling with this very thing. I have so much stuff and can't seem to start the task of unloading it.

@m.maclellan7147

2 жыл бұрын

@@Captain_MonsterFart hey, wishing you well. Hope your journey is successful!

@rosemarymaina6415

2 жыл бұрын

@@Captain_MonsterFart So am I. It isn't easy but it's possible. I encourage you to try one surface at a time. Wishing you all the love, light and success.

@gretchenlembach8192

2 жыл бұрын

The FLY Lady offers a deeply compassionate, practical approach to getting started and getting finished, and lots of hope. I'm curious to know what you think about her work!

@oO1723

2 жыл бұрын

love this as a reminder to keep things the way I like them, nice and neat, not like my father who creates an endless mess.

My whole life ive attracted unavail men and i know why after 20 yrs of therapy. I am ready for love with a bright cab light. My boundaries are clear now no more imagination rships ❤

Dear Anna, I will admit this one was so hard for me to hear. I feel so far from eliminating the habits that dim my "cab light" but I am so grateful to you for continuing to show us the truth of how we can find our way to connection. Love from Los Angeles.

She’s so loving….we appreciate her

I'm forever grateful for your videos 🙏 Thank you for helping me and so many others. 💓

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Yesssssssssss!🗣

It is so true about attachments and addictions keeping your energy unavailable, I am trying my best to break these cycles. Thank you for your work it means so much ❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy

After suffering 50 years of childhood PTSD without a clue as to the reason for my dysfunctions...the critical event was revealed. Breakdowns, therapy, self-help all have led to a near complete recovery of a healthy ego, and outlook on life. One looming draw to the sorrows of the past is a continuing absence of companionship. The will to go forward falters: go alone? Why bother? My 'cab light' was damaged long ago. It is now fixed; yet only seems to shine enough to confuse. It takes forever for people to see the beauty in me. I am still reluctant to take the chance and show it. Rejection. Abandonment. These are not easy to heal. "Healing the hurts that dim your light." Agreed. I have isolated my entire adult life. "Unhealed people might not be able to tell the difference (and we attract those!) but healthy people can tell pretty quickly, and they're not attracted." Bingo. "Mostly healed". I am at the goal. Subscribed. Rarely, until now, have I had the courage to believe in myself. Returning to work after a week off, wearing good fitting clothes, taking pride in my appearance, shining my cab light brighter than usual - everyone noticed and commented. It felt good. In contrast, I used to deny attention. Once, on a ski weekend bus trip, I looked the part completely. Many came up to me to chat...and quickly faded away: I had no cab light to share. Thank you for this video. I will watch more soon.

This actually explains a lot about why unhealed people with (c)ptsd have relationships, and it shed a light on why I cannot have one. I've been carrying around my injure expecting to have compassion from the other person. I will heal that part, and I will also wil isolate less. Thanks a lot.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

4 ай бұрын

Glad the video was helpful! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

Love your, “cab light” analogy it is so true! I can definitely feel this within myself!

Ana, thank you- I’m in the process of breaking off a four year toxic relationship. I lost a lot of weight, and really felt like I lost my good looks. Now that I’m single and gaining space (and myself) again, I see my good looks and “sparkle” coming back. Thank you so much for the wonderful work you do and the validation you’ve helped given those of us on a healing path.

At the beginning you mentioned that these ideas can apply to other relationships like friendship and work. I’d be interested in a follow up going into detail re work relationships, mentoring and jobs. How do we “brighten our cab light” to connect with and/or attract heathy workplaces, coworkers, good bosses, etc, and get out of or avoid the unhealthy versions?

@cleopatrajones7096

2 жыл бұрын

This is a fantastic question. Thanks for asking it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

2 жыл бұрын

By healing, getting rid of the resentment and the fears we have about relationships. Lots of courses to support this process, including a free course, on the website :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@venomousbluefrog

2 жыл бұрын

You can opt out of intimate relationships and work on yourself in a way that is much more difficult if not impossible in a work/employment/career context. Abusers at work take huge advantage of their power because often you *can't* leave them so easily and still pay rent, eat, etc. I would also like to see more work-related videos.

@harrietwilhelminadevos5154

2 жыл бұрын

@@venomousbluefrog I'd really appreciate videos applying this specifically to work and friendships as well :)

@nirvananona4105

2 жыл бұрын

me too. I ve this issues with friendships. I am really worried about it. It seems to me i cannot see if the friend is good to me or not. So i feel blind. and then about sth happened, i cannot discern if that is ok or not. So i feel in a mood of loliness, continuing disappointment, some friends leave me behind after some years of friendship and i don t know why. also i don t feel they admire me, i understand this is important in a relationship. i don t know i go to therapy but this is still so treaky for me

Ahhh it's like you can describe my life perfectly, relate so much to your videos. You've finally given me the courage to help my cab light shine a little brighter. I've respectfully ended contact with 2 exes and focusing on my life and my healing. Just need to get back on my feet and then not isolate as much either. Thanks for all your work🤗

Just gotta say, it's been great hearing and hanging out with you people! Lotta good stuff. ❤

Your videos excite me! Not only do you give us hope. You also give us the steps to take to actually heal.

I need to listen to this video once a day, every day. Thank you so much for everything you do for this community!

Its such a blessing when you realise someone is not treating you well because if you can leave, just get up and leave before it gets really bad. Freedom happens as soon as its over.

I love your channel and how you explain everything, you seem to always post exactly what I need

I needed this like a month ago but thank you so much for sharing this video. I can move forward into a better relationship free, clear, and letting go of the past. 💜

So nice to want to help lots of people that have been through this trauma stemming from bad childhoods. Thankyou x

Thank you, baby steps and feeling and trusting my intuition without fail. Life doesn’t have to be in isolation after c-ptsd.

My fear is not being able to trust they mean WhAt they say/or that it will workout because the past has shown me it wont

@mads6847

2 жыл бұрын

I know! Maybe she can do a video about hope and how to help nurture it again after disappointment

My issue now is I feel Un attracted to everyone after being treated shitty … I fear I am only attracted to the red flag ones.. idk how to fix this but im trying

@jb-ze1yh

2 жыл бұрын

I completely understand this, I’m not attracted to anyone right now but slowly I’m opening up to healthy secure platonic relationships, which is where I get to practice some of my new skills.

I personally don't trust my own judgement in the moment. I do trust my judgement over the long term (I have time to think, plan, and analyze). So I create SOPs (workflows) for everything that has long term ramifications. Then, I trust those SOPs COMPLETELY & ABSOLUTELY, no exceptions 1) Choosing a partner: I have criteria that must be met, criteria that is a dealbreaker, and I have a process for rapidly evaluating those criteria. If the criteria isn't met, it doesn't matter how I feel about the person. It is immediate game over. I have zero say and zero power over changing a "game over" result 2) Dealing with interpersonal relations: I have canned de-escalatory & leaving the situation phrases, criteria to determine if the relationship needs to be terminated (or can be fixed), and a process to repair the rupture OR to rapidly isolate then remove someone from my life. I have zero say and zero power over if the relationship is terminated or how that process is conducted 3) Life planning: I have a timeline of benchmarks to meet by specific dates, the steps I need to meet those benchmarks, and the steps I need to take if those benchmarks are not met. I have zero say and zero power over my life trajectory Now when I say "I have zero say and zero power" I mean, me, in the present, right this instant, has zero say and zero power. The person with complete and total control over my life is the version of myself from the past. That person thoughtfully considered what he wanted from life, what he didn't want, and then created a plan for me to make that happen.

Amazed at how you covered this wide topic in an 11-minute video.❤️

Yes, thank you Anna. I've been basically just waiting for the right relationship to find me. Time for me to figure out how to be proactive about it.

Thank you so so so much!!! This video is exactly what I've been wanting - I love videos that show us what is healthy, because I'm at a place where I feel like I've done the deep digging, the wound work, etc, but knowing what's healthy is what I'm missing now - LOVE your work, thank you 🙏

I like this one as well! THank you so much for being here and helping us!

A lot of times we know what is wrong but never knew what the right thing to do would be !

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

5 ай бұрын

So true.

All good advice. But it you do the math on the percentage of aware/healthy people coupled with general attractiveness (on both sides) age appropriateness, geographic location, kids from prior relationships, financial health also, and the ability of both potential partners to negotiate all of the above in good faith, chances are slim for most of us that we will locate and attract that great partner.

@genxx2724

Жыл бұрын

Chances have always been slim. Even back in high school, the appealing people were taken.

Thank you so so so so much. People who didn't face abandonment or abuse in childhood can't undestand this. I've heard and read a lot about relationship but NEVER like this. ❤ Feels so good to hear you. I feel undestood.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

3 ай бұрын

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

Agree ❤ remain healthy with your energy frequency and vibration. check yourself first. Be aware. Breath.

What a phenomenal video. I really needed to hear this. The analogy about the cab light resonated with me in a way I can’t describe. Thank you so much ❤️

I think it's best not to give it a lot of thought but try to treat people the way I myself would want to be treated....

never been in any relationship. naturally shy and being born into a so-called family that was a toxic waste dump and then having one-sided "friendships" with kids in school who were nothing but demeaning and exploitative which i accepted for way too long cause that's all i ever knew and figured that was just the way life was made me withdraw even further to the point of total isolation. was involuntarily committed a few times many years ago, saw "therapists" for about ten years after that and for the past twenty just been taking meds and going around in solitary circles. not sure what people see when they see me but i definitely don't smile and always have my guard up.

Thank you for all these videos CCF❤

I sometimes feel paranoid healthy people will not be attracted to me, self harm scars, no work, talents, but no money, looks for an old bird :) I just wonder if positive people would look twice at me.

@IntuitiveSoulArt

2 жыл бұрын

Pretty funny good cook

@tbd5082

2 жыл бұрын

@@IntuitiveSoulArt 💜

@fn3458

4 ай бұрын

They will. Actions speak louder than words, stay positive and spread your positivity through actions.

You’re such a beautiful soul. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom. Has been so helpful

I’ve had plenty of healthy, kind, like-minded men want to partner up with me, but I’m not the slightest bit attracted to them, even when I try to give it a chance. This is what I don’t know how to overcome. Physical attraction is necessary, but my chemistry doesn’t cooperate. I’ve also found that men who are confident, healthy, well rounded and good looking are usually with women who look like super models.

Barriers - like not enough self-confidence that I can 'perform' (not sexually but just in thoughts and in life) like a successful healthy person and then the relationship will fail. Having baggage that I'm not sure anyone would want me as I am bc others seems more successful in life than I am.

Wow, loved this. Such great information and delivered with such care ❤

Thanks for your channel! And I always dance to the music at the end... healing is so healing 🥰

I tell ppl nature is my church/gospel. The Crappy Childhood Fairy is absolutely in spot #2🙌🏽

@jango1970

Жыл бұрын

Everyone says that "walks in nature" is good for emotional self-regulation, etc. But I recently realized (on my own) that, when walking in nature, I need to be present (in the moment) and not ruminating (rehearsing past or future events). I try to notice the leaves, trees, sound of water, sunlight, sky, etc.

I feel like I am sending signals that only reach men in relationships already. It's very weird. These men literally find me, seek me out, as if I have some sort of billboard that says "Will date married men." I am not in a relationship, and I do not flirt with married men. They literally come to me out of nowhere. It's hard to figure out, honestly.

@crystalfullerton3908

3 ай бұрын

Toxic people don't care what signals you put out.

Love you Anna! Your channel and content is the best

This helps my psychological progress. Unfortunately I live in a rual area and the dating pool is super small. Sometimes it's not just your mental space that keeps you from finding love!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

That's very true! -Cara@TeamFairy

@crystalfullerton3908

3 ай бұрын

This is my issue.

@firepatriot42

2 ай бұрын

Same here. I believe and know deep down I'll have to go further away.

I read these comments and I cant help but think how lonely everyone is and feels. I can feel the pain of each person that comments here. I was in a situationship with someone where our whole catch phrase was how we are no longer alone now that we have eachother. Until he became hot&cold and ended up telling me that I am just a friend. It doesnt get any lonelier than that and I have lost all hope. I feel like I lost all my light and it s no one else s fault but mine.

I appreciate your videos so much, and I have to say, you look fabulous in this one! Whatever you are doing- it’s working! You are glowing!

Thank you so much for these videos. They have helped change my life. I have lost most of my adult life to relationships either with horrifically abusive men or men who didn’t even want me. My last relationship was essentially me dating my neglectful narcissistic mother. Now in my 40s I don’t know if it is too late to have the life I want but dammit I want healthy, happy and functioning so bad….

@user-ge6uo2ry2b

2 жыл бұрын

@@Alphacentauri819 I completely agree with you! You seem quite self aware and compassionate towards your own story and healing. It sounds like you are treating yourself the way you always deserved. My God, 40s are the best are they not! I have found growth, compassion and self-satisfaction I never knew existed. Still working on the self talk. I read somewhere the inner critic is actually our mother's voice, which ::cringe:: is actually a terrifying enough analogy to force change. Hugs to you

@echase416

2 жыл бұрын

Very important to define “what we don’t want”.

@howardcohen6817

2 жыл бұрын

@@Alphacentauri819 That's beautiful, Enigma. I'd like to add that thinking that getting to know something about yourself gets a good relationship. It's better to concentrate on changing aspects about yourself to be more honest - has value for intrinsic reasons. You're better off without the narc-man and you know this, A. There's nothing a narc-man can offer you which can compare with enjoying being alive. Wishing both of you love and a kind, loving and patient inner voice.

@howardcohen6817

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-ge6uo2ry2b Love.

How are you singing my song so well? Glad to hear I'm not alone, so many people have no idea what troubles I've been through.

Thank you. I really needed to hear this right now.

You're so good, so knowledgeable and yet so understanding towards us. I really have appreciated and listened to what you say in your videos. 2 years post break up and I'm still single and healing, thank-you x

Thank you.....I have been thinking on this personally and this is just what I needed to see. ❤️

You are a lovely lady who seems like she really cares about helping people find the love kind of love they deserve. Thank you for your wonderful sense of service and compassion. I'm touched xx

@CrappyChildhoodFairy

Жыл бұрын

You are so kind. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy

Or we get into relationships when we’re not in a mental and emotional place to be in one. That was my mistake, I attempted to satisfy what should of been satisfied in my family, in an interpersonal relationship.

Wow you explained my Romantic life to a tee, alone or in a bad relationship. I think I’ve learned a lot in the last two years and im a mother now so it’s even more important than ever to be in a healthy relationship for my child. Unfortunately his father is soooo behind on the healing and healthy relationship so it’s a lot of weight on my shoulders but I’m excited to slowly get out there and date again ( with guard rails of course). Thank you

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Rooting For You✨

Thank you for the idea about the cab light. I never thought of it. That way I thought of it as either on or off but when it is brighter, it sends the signal to more high-quality people.