the whole concept of a situationship pisses me off 😭 truly just a waste of time

@Ermakshually

4 ай бұрын

Why

@sashhhaa4874

4 ай бұрын

same and talking stages and everything. I just think people are way overcomplicating getting into a romantic relationship. It shouldn’t cause stress and take a strategic plan to get into 😅 it should just happen naturally

@mmps18

4 ай бұрын

Situationships plagued the dating scene in the early 2010s too and it was miserable. I'm in my mid 30s and have been married for years with a kid now but dating in my 20s was so rough until it wasn't. Hang in there, there's light at the end of the tunnel!

@dorystory4444

4 ай бұрын

i don’t always think so tbh because sometimes people just cannot be together long term. as long as you treat it like a summer fling. but also super not for everyone

@HeyJuuude-05

4 ай бұрын

@@ErmakshuallyBecause some women want security within a long term monogamous relationship with the man that they desire.

Omg I hate how everything my generation does is based off the damn clock app. Mob Wife, Pink Pilates Princess, Orange Theory, Pasta and Lobster, etc…LIVE A LITTLE!! Experience things! If you’re making decisions (like partners and lifestyle) based on trends it’s SO OVER for you I’m not even joking

@kora861

4 ай бұрын

Also to the girls in middle school and high school seeing all the “sprinkle sprinkle” advice…It’s ok to be a lover girl. It’s ok to cry over relationships that didn’t work out that you desperately wanted to. I don’t understand how we went from “dismantle the patriarchy” to hiding our emotions like men do, cause now everyone is unhappy

@bibaolaitan5189

4 ай бұрын

​@@kora861This!!..

@isadoracarvalho9304

4 ай бұрын

@@kora861 YESSSSS

@purgatoryspeedrunner8028

4 ай бұрын

lol funny comment

@smar-t-pants

4 ай бұрын

EXACTLY! And this is one of the many reasons why I, as a Gen Z, refuse to use that app (or any social media for the matter except youtube). It does not make sense to me to base major life decisions on something as fleeting as a trend.

The first date i had with my long term boyfriend was a coffee date. We’re the happiest couple and now we go out to expensive restaurants. Don’t overthink everything people say online

@drilonkennedy-gorne2049

4 ай бұрын

First date with my first bf was walking around and looking at Christmas lights!! My feet hurt so bad but it was so so so lovely ❤

@elisa9041

4 ай бұрын

yeah i was like mate i'm a student i'm not really expecting every man to pay for a candle light dinner for 2 on a first date haha. and the safety aspect - cafés are usually somewhat crowded and it will probably be during the day so i can get home safe. also, i'm paying for my own coffee but that's just me.

@IamArealLifeUnicorn

4 ай бұрын

unrelated but your name is so pretty!!!!

@kaeya8674

4 ай бұрын

Sure

@Nicole-if6tk

4 ай бұрын

When the coffee date topic came up I just had to take a step back because me personally a coffee date or a picnic seems perfect for a first date

im 20 years old and a virgin. a lot of girls my age lost their virginity super young (nothing wrong w that depending on the circumstances) and since ive been in MIDDLE SCHOOL ppl have told me that its crazy that i haven’t had sex, or even had a real relationship with a guy. i have recently realized that it isn’t because im “unsuitable” its because i know myself and my value and i simply wont just accept anyone because i know i deserve the best.

@drilonkennedy-gorne2049

4 ай бұрын

Amen sis!!

@Layla-fr7mf

4 ай бұрын

That is beautiful. You are worth the wait. There is nothing like the love, bonding, security, fun, care, comfort, reassurance and respect you receive from the man who loves, cares, respects and cherishes you while you avoid so much emotional baggage and trauma not to mention STDs from strangers. I waited for my husband and I have the best experience of sex and I knew that I did not want to compromise on my body, my temple, my soul and I believe God blessed me with a man who would do anything and everything for me with all his heart because I treated myself with that importance and self worth. I also knew what I wanted and did not care what others were doing even when they made fun of me. Never give into the pressure and just do what is best for you but trust me the love making in marriage with the man who truly cares and loves you is the best feeling ever. I can’t relate to these horror stories of many losing their virginity because I had an amazing experience and even better relationship. Being loved the way you know you deserve truly makes you glow in mind, body and soul and whatever happens you just know you will be good because that respect is there where even that is discussed with your boundaries and standards. Keep going strong.

@cheshirerose2001

4 ай бұрын

Good on you! I had my friend “boyfriend” at 20 and I regret rushing into that relationship because of peer pressure I also lost my virginity at that age and I regret rushing that as well Take as much time as you need and know your worth and value, you also still have lots of time too

@0blbe1

4 ай бұрын

yes! same for me and im 24, i'd much rather wait than rush into something i regret

@kelechi_77

4 ай бұрын

Always stay true to yourself, that is the most attractive thing ever, and don’t let people change your values, coerce you or alter what you believe in

In a way i think coffee dates go hand-in-hand with no sex the first date. Theyre low risk and it helps you get to know the person better in a chill way, and you can cut them short or extend them all the way to going to get dinner or take a walk. Theyre very flexible and safe! Imo the best first dates are coffee dates

@lumo4425

4 ай бұрын

Alsooo i very much disagree with you about the guy having to pay for the coffee or dinner. You should show that you want to pay your half, if he offers to pay it all say you pay the next time. If he lets you pay your half then its as it should be, each person pays their own meal like adults. If you want him to pay for you because youve been indoctrinated that that is how it should be bc you get all this makeup on or whatever, thats bs, u wear make up every day anyway so... Very weak excuse, you should pay for your stuff the first date. If you keep dating the guy later on he might offer paying the dinner himself, and you can offer some other time to pay it yourself. It's not like you don't have money. Its disrespectful for both guys who have to burden the cost of the dates bc of shitty patriarchy ideals, and to women who want to destroy those patriarchal ideals as well by getting rid of the stereotype that they cant pay for their stuff and have to rely on men's chivalry. Men dont have to pay for the stuff you ordered, thats a very suger baby attitude that many good feminist men will look down on you for having

@acdphosphorus9501

4 ай бұрын

The reason I like coffee dates is due to my caffeine dependency but this is a good reason too 😂

@moonamigi

4 ай бұрын

Agreed. Coffee dates are relaxing! And you get to see what they act like and if there is chemistry. I just want a date to be intentional and fun. I don't expect a stranger to pay for a 5 star restaurant

@saraly4130

4 ай бұрын

I went on a date with a guy still seing him and he brought card games for our second date and said what better way to learn about someone? and he's riigghhht 😂😂 we talked all day and played uno it was perfect 😅

@ascendednightingale2456

4 ай бұрын

@@lumo4425I’ve always believed that whoever asks the other on the date pays. That being said, it’s in poor taste to order something extremely expensive if you know you don’t have to pay for it. Once you are a steady couple, take turns paying for dates.

The problem is social media…and this is coming from a 22 yr old. Social media is not real life!!! It has made relationships transactional and ignores how complicated us human beings are. Everything is not black and white. From what I know, back then young adults taking a stroll in the park while eating icecream with a love interest was a date. Or going to the arcade, the movies, coffee, having a picnic. Now that’s considered low effort. I feel like back then people used to reasonably grow into love and relationships. Going on a first to a five star steakhouse is sugar baby territory. Dating should naturally progress. Dating should be about finding the right man that’s a good fit for your life and you can grow with!!

@HeyJuuude-05

4 ай бұрын

Social media is data. Now that people ‘know’ they cannot ‘un-know’. Perhaps the blissful ignorance of days-passed was due more to “ignorance” than “bliss”. You can’t un-bite the apple Eve. Your analysis is not wrong, but your idealised picture of the past was facilitated by the fact that there was no social media, which is to say that there was no data. Most people didn’t “know”. What we have today is because of an opening of Pandora’s box. All these ideas that we have been exposed to have changed the dating landscape forever. It’s brutal but potentially exciting. Welcome to a new dating era! *cue Evil laughter

@amarisfaith8024

4 ай бұрын

Yes, absolutely

@spicytwig

4 ай бұрын

iI's crazy i'm 31 and "back then" was literally like when i was in highschool. It's wild how much has changed in such a short amount of time.

@ghastxm2083

4 ай бұрын

Yes. Absolutely agree.

@DoubleCc88

4 ай бұрын

Met my man online. Didn't meet in person for 3 months. And didn't have sex for 6 months. And before him I never made it over 5 years with a man. And now we are creeping on 9 year's together!!!

"You don't have to be a sex worker." Isn't something I thought I'd hear today lol

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

😂😂

@honeymoonavenue97

Ай бұрын

Yes because the new wave of feminism is for the male gaze and benefits men 90% of the time.

@pikachu-hd6lr

27 күн бұрын

😭😭💀

what really irks me about a lot of modern dating advice is that it advocates for playing games, indirect communication and essentially promotes gender stereotypes. like "never chase a man", "don't text first", "don't ask him out", i mean c'mon. yes, if a man (but actually this applies to every gender?) likes you they will make it clear it to you but why advocate for being passive in this process? men can have bouts of insecurity or shyness, just like anyone else or simply not know that certain things are important to you. show up, be yourself - this means representing your wants and needs AUTHENTICALLY and CLEARLY. the right people will rise to the occasion and meet them, the wrong ones wont. if you want to text him first, text him first. any guy who loses interest because of that clearly isn't for you anyway.

@user-gt7iy9zn3k

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, sure I hated the stereotypes too. I decided to "chase" one guy a little and take the initiative (he was trying at first and was somehow interested). And then the most shy, not stereotypically manly guy treated me exactly like every player would. What an encouraging experience... This works only when you're either super hot or the guy is super desperate, but sure, all the stereotypes are here for nothing

@ayanamis00

4 ай бұрын

@@user-gt7iy9zn3k i'm sorry you experienced this but i am sure his behaviour and his treatment of you had nothing to do with you or you pursuing him and everything to do with him being a shitty person. a good person and a worthwhile partner doesn't suddenly act like a player because the women initiated. why are we still blaming women - ourselves - for men's shitty behaviour?

@shelleyc853

4 ай бұрын

There's such a big difference between "chasing" a guy who is clearly not into you, and making the first move, because like you say, men can be insecure too. I had to make a couple of the first moves with asking out and initiating the "relationship talk" with my now husband because he was shy and insecure. However I would never have chased hard, by constantly texting and having to do all the asking across multiple dates, and initiating every conversation. People seem to think it's one way or the other...

@user-gt7iy9zn3k

4 ай бұрын

@@shelleyc853 It’s not one way or the other, I did exactly what you described to the tea and it didn't work, so whatever you do, does not guarantee anything. In the end either he wants you or not.

@shelleyc853

4 ай бұрын

@@user-gt7iy9zn3k absolutely, you can do everything right and it's never guaranteed to work out(I don't consider my relationship anything other than luck, nor consider myself superior for being in one to be clear), but I think it's almost certainly NOT going to work out if you're basically begging someone to be with you lol.

When she said “if you’re confused, then he probably doesn’t like you” I was like ouch… hard truth but I’m glad I realized this 😭😭😭

my partner does everything for me. he regularly makes me dinner, takes care of the house, fills my gas tank whenever it’s under half, buys groceries several times a week. i do a lot for him too. we make it a point to take care of each other every single day. if your partner does so little for you that you need to ask them to peel an orange to prove they care that’s just wild..

@kaeya8674

4 ай бұрын

Ikrr

@lesaubergines

4 ай бұрын

This comment section on KZread is a breathe of fresh air truly.

@wiwisjxkalnz

4 ай бұрын

How pretty are you?

@dawn6199

4 ай бұрын

@@wiwisjxkalnz I’m incredibly average looking. Why do you ask?

@JohnDoe-wt2zz

3 ай бұрын

I also would feel so insulted if I was tested like that. You don't trust me to do ANYTHING for you, so you test if I would do something as small as peeling an orange? and a lot of the ones I've seen ask for an orange and for it to be peeled with an "ordering" tone and attitude. If I knew that the test was a trend beforehand, knew it was a test, I feel like if we're not far into it I'd just get up or leave, if not the relationship at least for a drive or a walk to sort things out in my head. Giving that test is basically announcing to someone "Hey I think that you're willing to do zero effort for me, or at least I've had doubts about it strong enough in my mind that seeing it on socials made me want to make sure. I also feel like playing psychological tricks and tests on my partners is preferable to talking my worries and insecurities out with transparency so we can work through them together." How are you supposed to react as the man then? Take it and laugh?

All these relationship "tests" like the orange peel thing are really stupid and ultimately useless but omg I feel *so bad* for the girl whose boyfriend told her "you're not special". Whether or not your boyfriend decides to peel a fruit for you isn't any sort of indicator of the quality of your relationship, but the words he uses to talk to you, especially during arguments (no matter how big or small), definitely are.

@littledrummergirl_19

4 ай бұрын

YES. I think the tests are dumb - but you can look at interactions you have as a couple and if you have had your SO respond badly to similar situations in the past then you can reflect on the relationship and see if it’s healthy. Like again testing your relationship is dumb, but it’s not about whether or not they peel the orange it’s about HOW they react and speak to you. If they’re just like “I’m confused why can’t you peel it?” That’s totally fine, but if they act like that bf (even if it’s fake) that’s just cruel.

@ZariDV

3 ай бұрын

I'm pretty sure the girl whose boyfriend told her she's not that special was either aware that he was being secretly recorded and was being obnoxious on purpose to ruin the "secret vid" or they were both acting in a skit. Neither of them sounded natural and more like they were acting (badly). Also the fact that he made a point to continuously call his supposed girlfriend "buddy" and "dude" over and over and over to the point of it being excessive as if he was trying to drive the point home that he didn't think of her as a girlfriend and more like a friend/fwb. I think the point of them doing that was to show that hey see this is what it means if the guy doesn't peel the orange, he really doesn't value you and sees you as a friend that he doesn't really respect.

@HoloScope

3 ай бұрын

the test is dumb in general. Peeling an orange is such a simple ask. Who WOULDN'T just peel it for you??

@LightsaberGoBrrrrrr

2 ай бұрын

He’s right tho, because she clearly thought she was special. Women just don’t like being put in their place

@hadrianhexe9603

2 ай бұрын

@@LightsaberGoBrrrrrr Yet you're probably the type to get salty when women say they don't need you. Humble your damn self.

i went on ONE tinder date and the guy harassed me by spanking my ass on the way inside of the restaurant. Turned my mood off for the rest of the evening and i sobbed when i got home. ANYWAYS i met my current bf of two years through mutual friends and SHOCKER we weren’t actively searching for love but we fell in love with each other. I always feel like love with find you once you stop searching/yearning for it💀💀💀

@hippiemetalhead

4 ай бұрын

what, literally it's terrible! he saw you for like first time and decided to do THAT? I'm sorry you met such an assh@lе

@Anavaeebaee

4 ай бұрын

This is exactly why I don’t do dating apps, meeting them organically and unexpectedly just hits so differently.

@ashleyshim2078

4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@kaeya8674

4 ай бұрын

Yup

@nessg1043

4 ай бұрын

What if you move into a new town and don’t have any friends? I don’t go out anywhere. I’m not very social enough to hangout on my own. It seems dating apps are the only option to me

Not only are the “relationship tests” stupid but if I were the partner on the receiving end I’d be pissed? Like I don’t wanna be in a relationship where I constantly have to worry about passing arbitrary tests, and that just tells me my partner doesn’t trust me? That would 100% make me reconsider a relationship

@noorjehan86

3 ай бұрын

ESP if you're filming it without them knowing and subjecting them to the ridicule of thousands if not millions of people? that really shows that you care more about surface level behaviors than their actual feelings. it would totally break my trust if that happened to me. I also found it annoying that none of those girls asked their partners point blank "hey, can you peel my orange for me?" they just expected their partners to read their minds.

@CircusoftheMoon

3 ай бұрын

Also it’s like… how do you not know your partner? Why do you have to test them? You know if they know how to clean. You know if they’d drop anything to help you. They test these men when they already know the answer. Lol

I'm a girl but to me the responsibilities you mentioned sounds like a lot. He's responsible to pay your uber to get back home to be deemed a gentleman? I can understand why guys are frustrated if they are expected to pay $50 minimum for their dates meal + uber ($30) and their own meal and tip ($40) for every date they want to go on. That's $120 for one date in which there's a chance there may not be a connection (obviously I'm not saying as the woman you are obligated/owe him anything). but to me that's a lot. and if that's the expectation then if I were the guy then no, no thank you. On the other hand, if the guy were to offer more affordable alternatives, women will look down on him. Honestly, I think we are conflating money with value here. Just because he can afford to pay your $120 meal doesn't make him a better person than the next guy who only offered a coffee. (also just because you put money into getting ready doesn't justify burdening that expense onto your date. you don't have to pay for those expensive treatments/products. it's a choice you (the consumer) made).

@RED6UA

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for this lol. I appreciate someone empathizing with men’s perspective here

@worldofcyn

4 ай бұрын

Exactly! And we are just letting people say this without any push back.

@mrggy

4 ай бұрын

Also the mentality of “men should pay because women spend money on makeup and cosmetic treatments for a date,” makes it obligatory for women to have extensive and costly beauty routines to be considered worthy of dating. No woman is obliged to wear makeup, get her nails done, etc. She can do those things if they make her happy, but they are not a prerequisite for existing in the world or going on dates

@markigirl2757

4 ай бұрын

gen z women need to realize gen z men are not like the millinial/genx men who are the last gen’s to still describe to traditional gender stereotypes lol

@michellesc0711

4 ай бұрын

@@mrggy yup, it reinforces the stereotypical traditional roles of women’s primary value/contributions is physical looks and men’s primary contribution is monetary (utility).

I think people are so afraid of abandonment that they’d rather test the orange peel theory than exercise true vulnerability. These tests are an easy way out and are driving people further from connection and closer to numbness and loneliness.

Its geniuely depressing when people see each other as essentially a product, i.e. what can you do for me, swiping left and right on individuals based on a profile pic and essentially a product description. TBH i blame capitalism & patriachy as systems which monetise everything and which sees peoples value in that way too.

@kiaraw4320

4 ай бұрын

wow 🤯🤯 i’ve never seen it put this way but you’re so right

@ilovetwilight65

4 ай бұрын

It’s like we’re “shopping” for relationships like putting items in an Amazon cart.

@jibarabicha4853

4 ай бұрын

Men have seen wives as conveniences for centuries. They have benefited from the beginning of time with land, wealth, wage growth and the breeders of their offspring. Women have just woken up to this transactional nature of the patriarchal system we live in.

@carmenalns4156

4 ай бұрын

fr one of the biggest reasons why I haven't used a dating app is bc it literally feels like I'm advertising myself as a product for consumption

@tatyanataylor260

4 ай бұрын

my ex had this unhealthy obsession notion that, women must be assets--he believes relationships are transactional but women must be worthy of being seen as a trophy as if he's inherently deserving because he's a man. like women have to earn loyalty, respect & love, while simultaneously offering it regardless. he said all this with no sheets + pillow on his bed, 4 roommates, terrible credit & no car? a man's reciprocity is a PRIVILEGE!!

23:48 I’ve had an abortion and it was very traumatic for me. I grieve every day over the loss. It’s a hard decision but women need the option. Some women are relieved after, others like me hold onto some portion of regret their whole lives. (Not saying it wasn’t the right decision at the time).

@bibaolaitan5189

4 ай бұрын

We never want to talk about this, that having casual sex is riskier for women than men. That when you have an abortion you feel the guilt more greatly than the man.

@elisamendoza2027

4 ай бұрын

thank you for sharing babe 🤍 you’re heard and loved 🎀🐚💌🤍

@shewho333

4 ай бұрын

I was married for 13 years to an abusive man. I did my very best to not bring children into the abuse, but at the end, after months of putting things into a storage unit to escape, I found myself pregnant. I already knew he was eventually going to kill me if I stayed in contact with him, so I felt like I had to end the pregnancy to get out alive. Yes, I do carry regret every day about it, but if I had not done it, I don’t think I’d still be alive. As it is, I married again and had three children. And my ex moved away and had kids with someone else even though he didn’t ever want kids. I pray for those kids and their mother.

@electricmosswitch

4 ай бұрын

@@shewho333I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You’re a really strong person. I’m glad you’re in a better situation now, and that your family is safe, and I really hope that woman and her kids find safety too. I just wanted to send a little positive energy from one stranger to another. You didn’t deserve that. 🖤

@milaces1323

4 ай бұрын

Sending you lots of love ❤❤❤ We all love to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that sex isn't inherently riskier for women than it is for men.

A coffee date is my ideal first date. Less pressure, more relaxed venue to get to know a new person. If they do not follow up with a "real date" within a week, move on.

@leemsky

3 ай бұрын

What do you consider a real date? I'm sooo inexperienced in dating and would love to learn the ropes

@user-nf7go8iw3g

3 ай бұрын

​@@leemsky A real date is anything you want and are comfortable with, I think coffee dates are great especially for students who dont have a lot of money. I dont agree with the guy having to do these extravagant dates, its unrealistic, especially if you are both students or have just entered the working world as graduates ect. I would say avoid the cinema because theres no talking involved really, you just go and watch a movie. Going on a picnic or a hike is fun as you get to speak while looking at a view eating/excersising so you regulate those nervous feelings. Its all about values is well. Do you want someone who is a provider or do like to contribute financially to the date. Also who asked who out. If a guy asked me out I would like him to pay for at least the bulk of the date. For me and my boyfriend we still do dates, however we both pay for eachother. He will pay for the food I pay for the drinks for example. Its a way of appeciating the person by not putting all the pressure of paying on them. Hope this helps:)))

@jonathannovembre4562

3 ай бұрын

@@leemsky do whatever works for YOU, if she really messes with you she will do any and everything with you!

@leemsky

2 ай бұрын

@@jonathannovembre4562 thanks!

@arse_nal0079

Ай бұрын

Within a week, real date? Who makes the rules, these just scream insecure. That’s why y’all be looking for “in your face” signals from the guy that he likes you whilst you choose not to reciprocate. It’s all for your ego! The fact is mentally healthy girls who like you just want to be around you and That’s the whole point of dating, I think our materialistic and chronically online generation is missing the mark!

me and my boyfriend both downloaded hinge as a joke on the same day, only met up with each other, and immediately he gave me the respect, loyalty, and trust i deserve. he deleted his profile before i even did. he told me he liked me and wanted to pursue me after 2 weeks. it’s still new but i’ve never felt as appreciated, taken care of, or wanted in my life. don’t lower your standards for ANYONE. i promise the right person will never have to say “i’ll do better” they will simply BE better.

@bambiisbonkers

4 ай бұрын

exactly. my bf and i worked together and on the second day we knew each other he was already dropping hints and within a few weeks he was being outright that he likes me and will wait until im ready. if a man wants to be with you he will make it KNOWN.

@jurassicthunder

3 ай бұрын

😂 this relationship is DOOMED. women move in, they don't help to build the castle anymore.

@von6413

3 ай бұрын

@@bambiisbonkersare you making it known that you like him? Men aren’t mind readers so I hope that you’re not insinuating that women not show proper signals.

@simplistikitty

3 ай бұрын

​@@jurassicthundersorry you've had bad experiences dating :(

@ibrahimtall6209

2 ай бұрын

Hahah do u understand that the same rules don’t apply to ugly individuals. A lot of men and women need to realize their level and lower their standards.

I turn 25 this year. I can't even recall ONE time in my life where dating has been easy and I'm so ready to completely throw the towel.

@taiyabazaheer9492

4 ай бұрын

I turned 23 last year and I couldn't agree more. I'm happy for people who do find love but let's be realistic, it isn't in everyone's destiny. And those people are way better single. I'm one of them.

@nat_7998

4 ай бұрын

​@@taiyabazaheer9492it just sucks because I do believe in love and I desire it a lot, I see it all around me. It just seems like I am not deserving of it since it never works out

@cmillspa1

4 ай бұрын

That’s how old my wife was when we met. We were both pretty jaded and then met each other and thought, “Oh. So this is what it’s supposed to feel like. Neat.” There’s no age or time frame for finding a long term partner. Idk why people think of it that way.

@dinosaur___7209

4 ай бұрын

I have heard people have better success with matchmaking apps? I met my partner on bumble but ik thats super hard

@hello1943

4 ай бұрын

Bring back arranged marriage & courting 2k24

true love is being able to fake a ragebait orange peel theory tiktok together💖

sometimes i feel blessed to be on the ace spectrum bc it makes it so easy to de-center love/romance. like loving love seems incredibly painful & time consuming. i hope everyone that wants a life partner gets to have one & heal their hearts overall fr.

@OmarAyusoVA

2 ай бұрын

Me too I'm demiromantic myself mostly due to trauma I think

21:52 That's so TRUE! My current boyfriend (who I met through a dating app, funny enough) asked to be exclusive about a month into us dating. He told me straight up that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else and had deleted Hinge from his phone (I actually deleted the app a few days before he deleted his). As much as the "if he wanted to, he would" is a bit of a meme, there is some truth to it.

@am-zk2ve

4 ай бұрын

same! my partner and i met through a dating app, we spent many days out of the week together and a month later we decided to be together. we had that deleting app and exclusivity maybe a few weeks into seeing each other. and we’ve been honest and transparent. i agree with the meme part but i agree there’s def some truth to it

@anevvve6468

4 ай бұрын

Same. He asked me after a month and even some dates before he made it clear that hes not that much interested in dating apps. During our first 3 dates he met up with some other girl because they were planning the date way before our first date, he just wanted to try it because she seemed nice and they had many things in common. Tbh I also tried to date a bit during our first dates because l wasnt so sure if I like him, but after four or five dates I was totally crushed

@shanl_

3 ай бұрын

Same thing happened to me. He literally said two months in, “Well I already consider you my girlfriend already”. lol 4 years later here we are 🥰

@arse_nal0079

Ай бұрын

@@shanl_haha you definitely gave him hints you were heading in that direction and he picked up on it, he felt the same as well. It does take 2!

@shanl_

Ай бұрын

@@arse_nal0079 i guess i did it unknowingly but he’s a perceptive person so he picked up something

That's weird. If you think coffee date is low effort so you don't really want to go and you don't get ready and you pick a whatever place then why go at all? Obviously the guy will immediately read your disinterest and the date is going to be bad. I, for one, expect the guy to offer to pay, but then I offer to pay for myself. We are both equally searching for a partner, why should all cost be on one person? And it's not like I'm putting on makeup that I bought especially for him and I'm never gonna use it again. I put it to feel nice and one pump of foundation definitely doesn't cost as much as a coffee.

@dontburstmybubble686

4 ай бұрын

I actually really like the concept of "errand" dates. Like going to the supermarket and just getting shit yall need.

@markigirl2757

4 ай бұрын

I actually offered to pay when I was dating but most guys still did but I feel they probably did bc they thought I was testing them but no for real I wanted to pay bc I didn’t know them that well for one and two we need to see if we actually click before he wastes his investment and three I was speed dating and going on multiple dates so I thought I’d be decent to offer out of courtesy but I digress lol

@spaceboyfriend9390

4 ай бұрын

@@dontburstmybubble686yeah same

@tessgonzalez285

4 ай бұрын

i agree, i never understood the hatred for coffee dates. why would i spend a long dinner and wait for the check and the person might be a creep? first dates for me are more a preliminary screening like to make sure they're not catfishing and the vibes are the same in person as well as messaging. maybe there are sparks but imo second date is where the real date happens. coffee first date is perfectly fine esp in this economy.

@jibarabicha4853

4 ай бұрын

He makes a low effort date and lets you pay, then do you measure his ‘Disinterest’? Men invest heavily on women they really want. Also, if you are a woman-this 50/50 crap will get old once you marry the man as your mindset will change and expect this man to be generous and provide more. The key here is you need to vet if he is generous, because a generous man will make his wife feel happy and secure. So if you are pulling out your wallet all the time, how can you properly vet him as a potential serious boyfriend/husband?

don't let online ppl judge YOUR relationships. only you know better for yourself.

@rayklancisar

4 ай бұрын

EXACTLY! Everyone has a different definition of love, so relationships will also look different. People are often so arogant and will believe that their thinking is correct. People just dont like so be openminded. And its sad how so many people care about what others think :(

This is like the 5th psychoanalysis of Gen z KZread video I’ve seen so far and it’s always stuff people pull from…Tik tok.

@SamRabbitx

4 ай бұрын

Gen Z gets SO much of their advice from tiktok so, that tracks.

@yourlocalcryptidd

4 ай бұрын

yes because it's an analysis based on tiktok trends and ideas. also, there are so many gen z people on tiktok that it CAN be used for generalized analysis.

@choosehappy9224

4 ай бұрын

Yeah I feel like not as many people base their lives in TikTok as it's being presented.

@tessgonzalez285

4 ай бұрын

fr like not everyone cares that much about tiktok or is even on it other than sending a funny meme. a lot of people are still living their mundane lives without these trends. i think its mainly bc the most vulnerable ones are searching this kinda stuff on tiktok and get further fed videos of these stupid trends via algorithm. and they think its more popular than it is. bc my fyp looks nothing like this and i havent heard of most of these before

@eryabolonha

4 ай бұрын

I was watching a documentary about UK's escort services and oddly enough some women joined because they were tired of men not committing after a tinder date... So unfortunately I think some people are really living this reality

Coffee dates are my favorite first dates because they're so casual and low-pressure....

I’m at the point with dating where I have to think of it purely analytically. I was actively dating and on apps last year from August to December. I went on a total of 6 first dates, one 2nd and no third. With countless possibly hundreds of “matches” on 3 different apps. The goal was to ultimately find a partner for a long term relationship. The return on that investment of my time and energy is a big fat nothing other than realizing that currently dating is a waste of my time. I’ve decided to shift my investment to myself and my career. I know for a fact if I put the same amount of energy into that for the same amount of time the return will not only be tangible but far far far more rewarding. Dating just seems like a bad investment at this point.

@HeyJuuude-05

4 ай бұрын

A long term relationship is a traditional outcome, we don’t live in a traditional society anymore.

@Makyura43

4 ай бұрын

Looking for a long term partner on dating app is same as fishing in desert. It may happen but chances are you are wasting time.

@MELLMAO

4 ай бұрын

Your first mistake was dating through dating apps. If you are in your 20s, dating apps are almost strictly for hook-ups most of the time. Matching up with people irl is completely different

@rubiess5246

4 ай бұрын

@@MELLMAO why do people act like it’s so easy to just run in to guys worth dating. it’s difficult meeting people organically. i’d rather hear tips on how to do that than hearing people constantly shame others for using dating app ffs

@dinosaur___7209

4 ай бұрын

you should pay for matchmaking services so everyone there is serious

after experiencing my first situationship which thank god is behind me, it truly opens your eyes to how our new and in my opinion very manipulated perception of 'love' is these days. its truly disturbing how basic manners, acts of kindness, and minimal efforts are considered 'princess treatment' because our social media and hook up culture has altered this so much.

@TheBananamonger

2 ай бұрын

I’m trapped in a situationship right now. I’m tired man.

@annabelmccowan3542

2 ай бұрын

you got this man, get out of there solider 🫡 you’ll thank me later

@rhiannonh.7463

Ай бұрын

@@TheBananamongerThen why do you stay if your burnout by them?

I heard somewhere that do not worry about finding someone who won't cheat because there's literally no guarantee they won't cheat. Rather be prepared on how you're going to handle it if they do cheat as you can only control yourself and your response. Since I'll be hugely affected if something like this happened to me, I'm preparing myself by not being in a relationship already. 😂

The 'Box Theory' kinda reminds me of Freud's 'Madonna-Wh*re Dichotomy/Complex'

@carmenalns4156

4 ай бұрын

I thought the same!!

@paintedfingernail2308

23 күн бұрын

It's exactly that. I hate that we keep proving Freud right😭😭😭

I liked some of your points in the video but one of the things I really disagree with is the roaster thing. I am a “date one person at a time” girl and that has worked very well for me. When you focus on one person you can truly pay attention to them and it gives your brain the space to actually reflect if said person is compatible for you. Even if it doesn’t workout it’s no harm done I just go back to the dating app. I feel like if you have to have a roaster so you can tell yourself you have other options or to make yourself less attached… I think you need to do more work on yourself to figure out why you are getting so attached to people you barely know. Dating has becomes much easier and more fun when you just have the attitude of whatever happens happens, even if it doesn’t go my way there’s always gonna be something better waiting for me ahead.

@KP-5928

4 ай бұрын

i feel like you are projecting your own perspective on everyone else. it's very possible to date a few people and reflect holistically on if you like them. that's fine if you like to date one person at a time, but perceiving other's who don't date the same way as you as "needing to do work on themselves" is incredibly self absorbed and condescending. different strokes for different folks.

@yin4296

4 ай бұрын

@@KP-5928 I think it depends on the level of relationship you have with those people. If you are truly just casually dating 3 or more people it's hard to deepen the relationship to see if you're compatible. If you're only deeply exploring one option and keeping a few more surface level options then you're treating those people as a back up. Like I think it's fine if you have a few dates lined up over the course of a few weeks, but you need to narrow them down relatively quickly because if you are casually dating several people, you're putting a strain on yourself and the relationship's development.

@NenyNexi

4 ай бұрын

@@KP-5928 well I know I used to think having a roaster was the best because I used to get super attached. But once I solved my attachment problems I didn’t need a roster. Trust me, dating is a vetting process, and you do a much more thorough job focusing on one person. But hey, I guess that’s modern dating now… but it’s worth trying something new sometimes. No hate honestly, just my observation.

@jennatandy6272

4 ай бұрын

I agree I’m that type of dater too, but if other people like dating multiple people at the same time before getting serious with someone that’s fine too. Different strokes for different folks!

@NenyNexi

4 ай бұрын

@@jennatandy6272 Yep, I think the key is to always be open to evolve your dating strategies based on your attachment!

Honestly that whole "make him obsessed with you" bullshit is evil. There's no other way to say it. "Obsession" is never a good thing, it's always destructive to the obsessor or the person being obsessed over. *How insecure and desperate do you have to be to do evil shit like that to keep a man that you might not even end up liking?*

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

Majority of people are not good this goes double for women. They want the power that men lorded over women MANY decades ago. It was terrible when men did it. Now they want to yield that same power over men.

@michigan57

3 ай бұрын

Take your time, don't live too fast Troubles will come and they will pass Be a simple kind of woman One that you can love and understand you can do this if you try, what you want is to be satisfied Forget your lust for the rich mans gold What you need is in your soul Don't you worry.' you'll find your self Follow your heart and nothing else. You can do this if you try All that you want in life is to be satisfied. I love you sweet girl, may your life be filled with joy and laughter You are a good person, so much wiser than some others that replied

@ibrahimtall6209

2 ай бұрын

Ding ding ding. Thank u. Social media has destroyed people’s brains and a lot of people out here aren’t looking for love, but lust and validation. Times r just diff, it is what it is.

@awsambdaman

Ай бұрын

It’s the same with guys and notch count. Getting the other gender to be your sole source of validation is pathway to misery. If you’re a heterosexual and normal, you should care about what the opposite sex thinks. If you’re a dude or girl looking to date, and you just don’t try to be attractive to what the other gender likes..well..good luck. But yes if all your source of value is from attention from the opposite sex, might have some insecurity issues to work through

I don't understand why dates shouldn't be paid for 50/50, especially first dates? we're both taking the time and energy to meet up and we're equally interested, why should men just pay? because I have makeup on? cmon that's so stupid. let's just be adults.

@ErikaCartet

4 ай бұрын

seriously. i don’t wear makeup, does that mean i have less value showing up without it and i should be covering whatever amount of the date normally would have gone towards the cost of makeup? wouldn’t the woman often presumably be wearing makeup if she likes it regardless and not just buying it for dating - or what if the man spent money on some nice clothes and cologne and a new haircut? how much effort does he need to start putting into his appearance before he doesn’t have to cover the entire date lol? it just sounds very transactional, and plenty of men insist on paying every bill /because/ they see romantic relationships as transactions and expect compensation - they like being financially responsible because then the woman “owes” them, it’s super icky. the paying for dates thing is so antiquated, just enjoy the time getting to know each other and split the bill however feels right in whatever way you agree upon. when i first started dating my partner and even now we’ll sometimes treat each other and sometimes go 50-50. it really shouldn’t be a big deal or necessitate quantifying exactly how much effort each party put into preparing for the date, you can figure out what feels fair without it being performative and transactional.

@Simmerdownidc

4 ай бұрын

The person who asks the other person on the date pays. Men usually ask out women so then they end up paying.

@JohnDoe-wt2zz

3 ай бұрын

@@Simmerdownidc I don't get that, working up the courage of asking someone out can be really scary, it's such transactional logic. It's like you're saying to the one who asked "You're buying my time. You wanted us to hang out? Be ready to pay for the whole outing then, I'm not paying my part for something that benefits you." You have something to potentially win from it. You're interesting in seeing them too or else you wouldn't go right? And if you wouldn't go simply because you don't want to pay your half/think it wouldn't be worth it, isn't this playing into the sugar baby trope/section of dating?

@Simmerdownidc

3 ай бұрын

@@JohnDoe-wt2zz no it does not. If I want to watch a movie and ask my friend to come and she doesn't really care for the movie but wants to hang out then I would pay. That's pretty standard I think. If we both wanted to go to a restaurant and decide to go together, we pay separately. When it comes to a date and you're trying to clearly show the other person that you're interested it would be polite/ chivalrous to pay. Personally if I get asked out by a guy to dinner and I have to pay for my own meal I would assume it was just a friendly outing. It's part of courting imo

@Simmerdownidc

3 ай бұрын

@@JohnDoe-wt2zz also sugar babies are not going out with men for meals. They go for the gifts and benefits. There is no actual romantic feelings and its shallow. I like when a guy buys me gifts but that's just one of my love languages. And I loooove buying gifts for other people because I get so happy seeing them happy from something I got them. (I give really personalized thought out gifts from cheap to expensive)

when i saw the title i knew it was gonna be a classic

Everyone needs to chill out and log off. Delete tiktok, get outside and engage in actual hobbies (without recording it!!!) You’ll find people who you genuinely connect with through going out and doing things you love. If you don’t know what that is yet, that just makes it more exciting, more possibilities! Live the best life you can and the rest will come. It’s not that deep.

@michigan57

3 ай бұрын

Skip rocks in a lake at sunset with a guy you like. May be the most fun you have in a week.

@sophiarivera7364

3 ай бұрын

@@michigan57 that’s what I be trynna tell em, Dean! Just exist with the rest of the earth in peace.

@michigan57

3 ай бұрын

@@sophiarivera7364 Sophia you are a sweet heart. Do you like white guys

@sophiarivera7364

2 ай бұрын

@@michigan57 I have a gf thank you tho ✨🌈

@hearts4iree_

10 күн бұрын

Little late but omg yes😭😭 , tik tok was ruining my mental state and also having me second guess my relationship. Its truly mind boggling

The thing is none of this is new, it's only the format and terminology that is new. I grew up in the 90s and when we were young women, we had the same complaints. This was before the internet, before social media, before online dating. It is no coincidence that the book "the rules" was such a huge #1 bestseller. All of these conversations happening on tik tok, we had those same conversations, just offline. I think it's just the nature of men and women. It's why previous generations had all these rules around dating and interactions between young men and women. And the guy who was calling his girlfriend "dude" and telling her she's not special... OMG gross! It's not about the orange.

@carolscarlette

4 ай бұрын

i thought i was crazy. i was born in the early 90s also and a lot of these problems sounded like problems we had back in our day. thanks for sharing your sentiments! glad to know i wasn't misremembering lol

@vixxcelacea2778

3 ай бұрын

Exactly. History is a repeats itself if we don't learn from it. Moments like this are the ONLY time I feel my age and some mild ageist tendencies to say lovingly, but not less in superiority "No, honey, you're young so x y and z" because I've seen all this before. This isn't new. TikTok is a symptom of a wider problem, it's not the problem itself. Social media and technology are only a faster path to see the same problem repeat. Before that it was TV and newspapers. Before that it was politicians, radio and before that it was the tribal leaders. People are always in positions of influence and sometimes those influencers have dumb ideas and a wealth of worthless wisdom to spew out. People are fallible and full of cognitive biases. All of this has been done before and it's the one thing you learn with age, simply because you get to actively see the cycle repeat, where as to younger groups, they haven't been through it yet and all you can do is tell them "This is just another iteration of something done before." Can't blame them though, anymore than I can tell a child to "toughen up" with their first experience of say scrapping their knee. It's new to them and scary and they want to understand why. Where as my grizzled Millennial butt has seen this and also seen gens before me tell me they've seen it too. issue is that when you have seen it repeat, it's hard to not become bitter, because you realize that not only did your gen or gens before you not learn the lesson to affect change, but the next one is just repeating it with a new coat of paint. It's depressing. And I hold no value or pride in the idea that "I've seen this already" I'd rather that it, ya know, didn't happen again.

I’m only 18 but I stopped using TikTok last May for my sanity and I’ve learned so much about myself when I’m not staring and scrolling on a screen for 16 hrs a day like i was before last May.

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

I never touched TikTok but I am an ancient millennial. 😂😂

Most relationships can't be forced and should happen naturally. The biggest issue for our generation is simply going outside.

@diivaiinthehouse1

4 ай бұрын

This! we need our third spaces

@olgab.3961

Ай бұрын

Underrated comment. Seems folks have little idea what they're missing.

Coffee date is literally the only option for teen couples bc we are broke af Also for me and my partner, i text more often and i make plans so im kinda the "leader" but i am also very sensitive and moody and overthink a lot so they bring me the comfort and are patient with me saying and asking stupid stuff all over again and they try to understand me. The point of this is, they might not text u first or make plans or buy u gift u want, but if they love u it will be shown in some way. Also, it takes time to fall in love and even in relationship u need time to truly be in love with person, so if that person doesn't meet all of ur needs at the very beginning its not bc they dont like u its bc it takes time to meet each other and learn what suits both of u. In my opinion, the only good advice is to do what u truly feel is good for u

@LeapThroughTheSky

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, also some men and boys are shy and nervous. Kinda sad that they would be written off as immediately disinterested if they might just be a bit nervous. Sometimes it's just nice to try.

@sarakotevska5089

15 күн бұрын

Girl, don’t worry about “going somewhere fancier” than a coffee date. What else are you supposed to do? You’re teenagers and you don’t make your own money. Coffee dates are great.

I’m 22 years old and I’ve personally never had any sort of romantic relationship, physically or emotionally, with a guy in my life. I value my time and desire for true genuine connections with people. It’s non negotiable. And as a result I’ve been a student for the majority of my life and virgin till marriage because of my beliefs mentioned earlier as well as my faith. I believe relationships should be seen as true genuine equal partners who care for each other deeply, through thick and thin. So if you don’t want that, I’m not going to pursue anything with you. It’s that simple for me.

@red_phoenix0570

3 ай бұрын

really glad to see comments like these, gives me hope

@red_phoenix0570

24 күн бұрын

@@Lovingly_Ashley my friend literally just messaged me this morning about how he keeps getting used and I wish he could just see that there are people who want a real relationship too. Unfortunately he's impatient and keeps getting sucked into dating apps and whatnot. His experience is why I refuse to ever use them, no matter how lonely I am.

@Lovingly_Ashley

24 күн бұрын

@@red_phoenix0570 I feel the same way looking at my friends, though they are not as self aware. I'd say the most difficult aspect of all this, is the fact that finding people out in the 'real world' takes 10x as long given most places do not have events or environments where getting to know people who want long-term committed relationships can take place. Or, maybe I just don't know about them? Props to your friend for not giving up though, but as a woman, I honestly also feel that dating apps are like social media in the quality of people you see and how they interact with others. I have definitely felt like a poor feminist ironically for pointing out how shitty and transactional some woman can be, but hey its the truth and I honestly would rather spend my life single and in a loving community than be with the male-version of what my peers do/experience--and some people definitely deserve to be called out for treating people in that way and others for enduring it as if companionship should ever be that dehumanizing. I wish your friend the best, though. May he someday find someone right for him. ❤️

@Lovingly_Ashley

24 күн бұрын

@@red_phoenix0570 I thought I had replied but ig the comment never posted. Idk. I had written that I genuinely believe the lack of spaces in 'real life' that allow people to meet others looking for long term committed relationships is a big issus. Props to your friend for still trying to find someone, though. I have not stepped foot in a dating app but feel uncomfortable at the thought of having to at least try sometime in the near future. Women and men alike act incredibly transactional on them. As a woman, its worse when you (like myself, for example) want to have kids but also have to try and find someone early to get the most out of a short fertility period (altho most women can have kids until 40 ish, it really is not healthy to be at that age trying to have your first child). I hope he finds someone, truly. I hope all of us that want something nurturing and beautiful and lasting find someone who feels the same. Honestly, the world needs more examples of healthy relationships, even if they do not make for viral tiktok videos. ;)

I've never been more thankful to be aroace because sex and dating culture just seems like a big old emotional mess to me.

@DieAlteistwiederda

4 ай бұрын

I'm not fully aroace just much closer to that than the other side and honestly same. Dating sounds exhausting. I'm only in a relationship because he basically fell into my lap and we happen to have very highly compatible issues that would make dating normal people hard but makes it easy for us two. I know for a fact I'm not doing the dating thing even if I would ever break up with my partner. I've never felt like I need it and I doubt that will ever change. It's been 14 years together and just listening to others stories makes me want to scream

@catdownthestreet

3 ай бұрын

Me too. I much prefer my fictional romance to having a relationship myself because the dating scene seems like too much of a mess to pay attention to without getting sad. Also it's just very freeing to be aro/ace

@vixxcelacea2778

3 ай бұрын

People forget that genuine connection is what a relationship is, no matter what flavor (sexual, romantic, platonic, familial, friendship, coworker etc.) takes. People only focus on one aspect, but you need that core of "I get along with the person as a person" is the most important part of any relationship. IE what most aroace people would look for when they connect to anyone or even desire to be with, but not in romantic or sexual capacities. Romance and sexual attraction are spices you add to a dish, not the dish itself. As is being besties, found family or anything else. The core is getting along with another human being. That's what the "dish" is. And that alone needs to be enjoyable by itself with out any specific spices. Same actually goes for people who make a specific aspect about themselves their entire personality. Like, honey, you need a dish to layer that cinnamon, pepper flakes or ginger into. The dish can't just be that little pizzazz on top that you obsess over, as if the mint sprig is the dessert itself. The spice is meant to add if it's desired and if it fits the proverbial dish.

@huisjenn

3 ай бұрын

10000%

@OmarAyusoVA

2 ай бұрын

Me too I'm demiaroace so I get it

I’m resetting my algorithm on TikTok cause I’m always getting these types of posts and it’s discouraging

@Ermakshually

4 ай бұрын

Honestly me too

@HeyJuuude-05

4 ай бұрын

Or better yet, deleting TikTok completely. Forever…

@isadoracarvalho9304

4 ай бұрын

tbh i just deleted it. it was suchh a good decision.

@SamRabbitx

4 ай бұрын

Delete it. Do yourself a favor

@naomiealexandre9026

4 ай бұрын

seriously! they NEVER feel good

I'm looking forward to your take because one side of the internet is like 'gen z only wants super serious love and hypergamy in particular!' and the other side is like 'gen z doesn't enjoy love or relationships or sex!' and I'm like what is the truth!

@OGseoulite

4 ай бұрын

The truth is not on the internet that’s for sure hun, go outside and have actual conversations with people. You’ll explore the “truth” for yourself

@dontburstmybubble686

4 ай бұрын

I dunno how to tell you this, but gen z is a mix of people who have only had situationships, people who are still dating a highschool sweetheart in their twenties, people who have never dated and people who haven't dated anyone longer than six months. Like literally every other previous generation.

@tessgonzalez285

4 ай бұрын

@@dontburstmybubble686 exactly! hookup culture has def plagued us butttt placing all the blame on tiktok trends is so stupid. i havent heard of half of these and im on tiktok too. im sure theres a lot of chronically offline people who never heard these either. theres lots of people in all types of different relationships, gen z is so diverse

@Destiny-nz5yg

4 ай бұрын

@@dontburstmybubble686right like omg shocker there are a multitude of relationship types amongst gen z… who would’ve thought 😂😂😂

@Destiny-nz5yg

4 ай бұрын

@@tessgonzalez285right lol that’s why it’s funny so many ppl are against TikTok bc your page is a reflection of you, I never see any of this 😂😂 I see hair tutorials, home decor, cooking, and pets 😂😂

Using the word “theory” it’s a huge pet peeve of mine, it’s not a theory, either he wants to be with you or not.

Absolutely. When someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Don’t try and change them. If it’s not what you’re looking for, keep moving. Someone else might want something entirely different than you and it’s unfair to hold them to unrealistic expectations and then get in your feelings about it. It’s such a hard lesson to learn, it doesn’t have anything to do with your worth. Protect your heart and don’t put yourself in those situations. You’re in control ❤

I'm a woman and I'm not from the US so maybe it's a culture thing but I really don't get why I should expect a stranger to pay anything for me. I feel like it's infantalizing women and exploiting men at the same time. I have my own money. So no judgement to the guys who won't pay more than they ordered for themselves. That's perfectly fine. And if someone offers to pay for me, I kindly reject it and ask them to split the bill instead.

@nataliakrasuska9038

4 ай бұрын

right? i’m also not from the us and i feel like some of the said things really don’t apply because of the cultural differences! even with the coffee dates, i would honestly feel uncomfortable being taken out to a restaurant on a first date, and on the contrary, a coffee date would be the ideal option for me

@kc-db6fg

4 ай бұрын

@@nataliakrasuska9038oddly enough going 50/50 is actually very much a usa thing places with more conservative monocultures tend to have men paying as a social norm like my indian side of the family would find me paying for my half to be appalling far more than my white american side i think you guys are conflating american women who happen to partake with digital sugar daddy culture on social media ( which is a very loud minority btw ) with what is actually considered american norms men here expect sex for pretty much nothing lmao women on average make less they're also expected to perform femininity to the fullest extent for men who hardly can comb their hair or wash their asses and show up to dates in sweats and graphic tees women getting free meals is them getting at least something out of the shit population they have to choose from the fact we get excited when we hear men don't use two in one should be reason enough it's not because women can't do it it's because men need to do fucking more they're statistically fucking us and we need to be on our shit

@fantasythinkerfan

4 ай бұрын

This won’t be top comment bc American women don’t want to hear it, but it’s so true

@morgan3llis001

4 ай бұрын

THIS i hate when men offer to pay but thankfully have rarely encountered it (also im american)

@Zumo.d.mandarina

4 ай бұрын

Same I find a lot of the rules in US dating culture are actually quite sexist. Like the whole concept of "he has to invest in you" feels so icky

Ok but if the guy hasn’t said he wants to be exclusive in three months wouldn’t that also imply that the girl ALSO hasn’t asked to be exclusive in three months??

@delipoba6328

3 ай бұрын

I also feel like a lot of women just plot everything on a man and I find that annoying because I feel like it also comes from fear of rejection but when women don’t speak up like ‘hey like what do you think we are?’ we don’t realize that the man can feel the same as us. He might also be too shy to ask us where this is going and that’s why I feel like we should just stop plotting such important thing on men

@isadoracarvalho9304

3 ай бұрын

and also, relationships don’t have to fit into a box that was created by tiktok. EVERYONE and EVERYTHING works differently.

@rhiannonh.7463

Ай бұрын

If by six months if no one has asked? It’s never going to be a relationship cause that’s sliding into situationship territory after six months of dating.

your point about women dressing up for the validation of their date and then expecting them to pay for the date because of that (women dress up, men pay up) makes dating seem transactional and like you’re doing it for the performance of a relationship rather than actually putting in equal effort, not to mention putting gendered responsibilities on each partner. I just got a weird feeling when you talked about it, felt a bit dated. Of course there are performative aspects but they shouldn’t be boiled down to what men vs women expect from one another when seeking a relationship.

@spookystella

4 ай бұрын

Yeah I really disagreed with this take. I think the expectation for a man to pay on a date is outdated and reinforces the gender binary. I always prefer to split the bill, and I also almost always suggest getting coffee for a first date. I’m broke as fuck and coffee is about as much as I can afford, but I also I don’t really like the thought of a virtual stranger I probably won’t see again paying for me. I also find the idea that a coffee date being low-effort and a waste of time bizarre. The point of a first date is about getting to know someone, and I think a casual place like a café is conducive for conversation. Besides, if you’re unable to enjoy something simple like conversation over a coffee with someone, the chance of developing a meaningful relationship with them is probably slim to none. The setting of a date is not nearly as important as the person themselves. I want to know if our future goals are aligned, if we have similar values, if they can make me laugh. One last thing, re: makeup-as you already said, this makes a date feel transactional. The reasoning is also flawed because the vast majority of women who would wear makeup for a date are using products they already have. But even if they bought a new product specifically for the date, that’s their (non-essential) choice. For me, I’ll usually wear a little makeup on a first date (eyeshadow, mascara and lipgloss), but on principle I will not do a full-face for someone until I’ve gotten to know them and think they are worth the effort, haha.

@docta_myna8011

4 ай бұрын

Not to mention that it completely contradicts the comon notion that "women don't dress, wear makeup, etc. for men" If they're not doing it for men, then they can't use that as a justification for why a man should pay for them as a form of some kind of reimbursement. For a first date, neither party is entitled to anything, and both parties should just pay for what they personally ordered...

@taiyabazaheer9492

4 ай бұрын

That's real world for you. Even parents' love is not unconditional so why would someone else's be.

@alexsterio8258

4 ай бұрын

Agreed! It also kinda suggests that women who don’t use expensive products or wear makeup are worth less which makes me uncomfortable

@giselletorres4156

4 ай бұрын

@@spookystella As a goth that likes to play around with makeup everyday never have I thought makeup for a date is something to even think about. It's just a natural part of my routine that makes me feel edgy and good about myself rather than something that only some people "deserve" to see. Even my non-makeup days I feel great.

I stand by this, the relationships you have with other people are a direct reflection of how you view yourself--knowing your self worth is so important

I like coffee dates because I feel safer meeting someone in the daytime.

I think a point about the taxi theory is that timing plays a huge role. When a man is ready he will find someone and make it work. If he’s not ready - you might be a great fit but he won’t settle down.

@awsambdaman

Ай бұрын

I think that’s very true. I think most guys get married when they’re ready, and they do kinda marry the woman right in front of them. I think in general women get married when they find the man they want

I think another thing is that generally everyone has very isolated lives now, alot of people might not be living close to their family or friends and individualism has taught teenagers that they need to develop self-love in an isolated environment along with their personalities. They have to create a version of themselves that's defined by aesthetics and careers and a lifestyle via consumerism, the only person that shares that lifestyle with you is a partner you live with, the only person most people actually interact with in person when they're living alone. It's so strange for me coming from a collectivistic culture where you can be self-assured and love yourself without isolation, you can surround yourself with the love of the rest of your community and support system and see yourself as part of your community, instead of a branded personality built on tiktok aesthetics and you can be single but still have fulfilling relationships with people and when you meet someone you like you can be honest and communicate where you want this relationship to go

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

Sounds so much better than American culture. 😂😂

I agreed with the majority of the video up until the coffee date thing... like yeah women do put on make up or do general grooming and put an outfit together for a date and that costs money. But so do men... like most men will get a haircut and put an outfit together and all that also costs money. Like if a man comes to a date looking disheveled but pays for everything, would that be acceptable? Not for me. I think low effort coffee dates are good for the 1st date. When I'm meeting a stranger for the first time, i don't want to commit my entire day or evening in case we don't have chemistry. I don't think that a man should have to invest in you, a total stranger, just because of your looks.

@Nersius

3 ай бұрын

If I'm dating I'm looking for an equal partner. Hygiene and fitness should be givens for everyone, if you do makeup that is a hobby you are hopefully doing for yourself. If I wanted to pay for a stranger's hobby and night out while praising them for doing the basics of taking care of themselves I'd volunteer with children.

where are the girls who just dont feel like persuing a relationship??? am i crazy or are we out here!!! im not saying that ill NEVER want a relationship but right now im good off that

@normalizabortion6954

4 ай бұрын

not disagreeing with anything in tha vid btw madisyn did what she does best with this one

@annsh.6487

3 ай бұрын

Good on ya, bestie, go off

@humanperson2480

3 ай бұрын

Oh my god I feel like I’m going crazy too. Like is it that weird to just not invest your entire identity in your relationship status??? I never thought I was ace or anything before, but aspecs are the only people I ever see who don’t talk like ending up in a romantic relationship is the ultimate goal in life!

I’m an old lady 👵 (almost 41 😂) and these trends aren’t exactly new, there’s just titles for them now. Music I listened to “in my day” was all about the baddest bitches that didn’t need no man. Independent Ladies, indeed. I didn’t need, but I felt almost embarrassed for wanting a relationship, wanting to love and be loved. I met my now-husband on a dating app called Happn (and his best friend met his now-wife on there too). I would tell my younger self to not settle for sex when I wanted love (pre-husband). I’m pro-love, and it’s ok to be that way, too. Or not if that’s how you truly feel or where you’re at in life right now. A lot of really great points made in this video. Love it. ❤

@Soaring_Seajay

4 ай бұрын

Oh, and this old book- “He’s just not that into you”- saved me. It seems trite, but it was really mind-opening for me!

@NinjaskKing

4 ай бұрын

Yeah things have been this way for decades it’s just more documented now that social media is a bigger thing and people post their thoughts on it like twitter and tiktok is a private diary

@Soaring_Seajay

4 ай бұрын

@@NinjaskKing True.

@fabihaalam7565

4 ай бұрын

thank you so much ! i hate how its almost shameful to want a relationship nowadays

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

Glad you shared your experience.

I think something really dangerous about these trends and tests is that they are so black and white. People and relationships are nuanced and a lot of the the advice out there around dating doesn’t allow for that. The growth individually and as a couple has been the single strengthening measure in my relationship, and I think that’s going to be true in all long term relationships . There HAS to be room for growth. If I cut my partner off early on because he never learned how to clean, I wouldn’t be in this marriage that is loving and supportive and strong. No relationship has it all and people need to accept that. Yes my husband sucks at cleaning, and it’s tough to get him to participate enough in that way, but he brings other things to the table that I lack. The black and white approach does not translate from online to real life at all, it’s far too individualistic to be applied to relationships which by definition require teamwork. The me vs you mentality is never going to produce a strong long term relationship.

That girl whose bf told her she wasn’t even that special…..I hope she broke up with him right after that. He deserves to be single

@salkoharper2908

3 ай бұрын

She was awful though. You could tell even through the phone she would be a nightmare to live with day in day out, behaving like that. Imagine your Boyfriend making you jump through hoops, all while filming you, hoping you fail. That is nuts.

@Nersius

3 ай бұрын

A minute later in this video it was revealed to have been from a rage bait channel.

@MagsLuv

Ай бұрын

@@NersiusI knew it! The things ppl will do for “fame” is crazy!

Girls doing the orange peel theory to their test to see if their relationship is toxic, just expose in the fact that they themselves are the toxic member of the relationship 😂

box theory is insane. when my bf and i first met, he only saw me as a friend. even though he says "i always thought you were pretty", he really barely had any intentions of anything more at first. ofc as time progressed on and we got closer, views shifted. box theory is crazy, perspectives and personalities shift.

@rhiannonh.7463

Ай бұрын

Box theory is strictly about hookup culture. Absolutely nothing about if you started out as friends as that’s easy to transition into dating if it organically happens. But box theory is about if you meet a random guy out and about, within minutes of talking to you he’ll know if he wants to ask for your number for a date or strictly wants to get you naked, never call you again. That’s how it’s always been with hookup culture that’s been around since the 1960’s.

@Kasia-yp3ev

Ай бұрын

@@rhiannonh.7463 OH. I didn’t know that, I misunderstood. Still fucked though

real my man is literally the best lover i believe i have ever met and coincidentally he is the only person i dated that wasnt on tiktok

@carmenalns4156

4 ай бұрын

honestly not being tiktok is a huge green flag for me ngl

@TheBananamonger

2 ай бұрын

It’s hard to be a good lover when you’ve been on TikTok and seen all the ladies self reporting their bad faith and even abusive sexual/romantic behaviors on there. It gives guys anxiety and trust issues ngl

I’m not on TikTok so I had to look up orange peel theory rq I guess I’m a hoe, in high school I used to be the one person at lunch who would peel everyone’s oranges :(

@drilonkennedy-gorne2049

4 ай бұрын

Lol I was thinking something similar, I mindlessly give my freakin brother little menial tasks like peeling oranges, opening jars, putting things back in the fridge etc and I'm like. Hmm :[

@ee5647

4 ай бұрын

@@drilonkennedy-gorne2049 well that’s super sweet of him to do that, now we know😂

@Nersius

3 ай бұрын

FOR THE STREETS

I just got rejected by my situationship. Literally on my 19th birthday lmao this is gonna be good.

@ccvv1119

4 ай бұрын

You’re 19 it’s gonna suck now but really you’ll be fine

@drilonkennedy-gorne2049

4 ай бұрын

That sucks complete ass, I'm so sorry

@user-gt7iy9zn3k

4 ай бұрын

Damn, get better soon. I got through the same thing a few months ago. Also my first situationship (he called it FWB but who cares when the friends part meant NOTHING to him).

heternormative neurotypical dating is the most confusing and hurtful thing i’ve ever seen. i hope things get better for heterosexual relationships because honestly i think people who don’t conform to these ideologies just in the way they exist, have an easier time finding someone who really loves them if they have a sense of self worth. as a neurodivergent trans person, i can’t interact socially in the first place without being direct so that’s off my list, and if someone really wants to date a trans person they have to be secure in themselves. the bare minimums are checked off from the beginning, at least thats how i view it.

@EtamirTheDemiDeer

4 ай бұрын

Hell yeah, it's easier to filter out the ones who don't vibe. Even if it might feel lonelier, you're guarding your peace and it's better for all parties involved

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

As a straight man dating effing sucks! Has been pretty crappy and started dating 16 years ago. That was slightly before social media took over.

@vixxcelacea2778

3 ай бұрын

it's just sexist. I don't think there is anything truly heteronormative or neurotypical about it. I think it was always sexist and that heteronormative is also generally sexist in how it's driven. Not that hetero is bad or worthless or any ridiculous 180 type treatment people tend to do. Being any sexuality so long as you are consensual and not hurting others is perfectly fine. But a lot of the gender role problem which is inherent in hetero, as it means "other" in this case the binary male and female structure, is that it focuses far more on those other end roles. The protector, protected. Pursued, desired. Head/neck nonsense that limits the capability and value of another individual as a complex human being.

@annsh.6487

3 ай бұрын

This!!!!! Honestly. Currently in a relationship where both of us are neurospicy and hate the idea of gender, and it's sooo wild listening to videos like these and realising that this used to be smth I concerned myself about at some point. So glad I escaped the rat race and nowadays just enjoy my life with my best friend and lover who I share the one braincell with.

@LeapThroughTheSky

2 ай бұрын

@@vixxcelacea2778 yeah I'm a cis woman with a cis man and we pretty much ignored all of this kind of crap. We were immediately upfront with what we wanted. I paid for everything in the beginning because I had more money. Now he pays for it because I'm studying. We didn't follow any rules, didn't base our thoughts on how we reacted to each other as how we might have valued each other. We just felt things and communicated. A lot of these views felt very outdated.

"Love exists, and you are allowed to have it." So good! Great video per usual. :)

Coffee/boba dates seem like a reasonable first date since you probably barely know each other. Plus wouldn’t you feel safer in a coffee shop close to you during the day where the employees know you? Dinner would be for a second date or if the coffee date is going particularly well

I think your opinion on the coffee date does hold a bit of sexism. You dress for the guy to pay? That feels only and purely transactional. Maybe you put make up and dress well, but that doesn't mean that the guy doesn't spend money on his clothes, products he uses, etc. Most would try to look their best when meeting someone, either in a casual or formal setting, because we are teached to make good first impresions. Personally, I think a first date (specially in something as casual as a coffee date) there should be individual checks, or at the very least both split the bill. Putting pressure on a guy to pay alone feels...wrong, in any person feels wrong. Because you didn't bought your foundation only for that date, or any of your makeup, you will use it after for other stuff, so it really feels bad to just because you dress up nice to put all the expectance on the guy to pay. I think we should really start breaking the social heteronormative rule of "the man pays the bills and the woman dress up nice" thing. You are both people, you shouldn't put pressure on only one to pay up and the other to be forced to dress up as if they were a celebrity.

The orange peel theory wouldn't be an issue if some women didn't have a problem with doing simple gestures for their boyfriends. I can't tell you how many times a man has stated that he wants the woman he's with to initiate once in a while, for *HER* to plan a date for once, FOR *HER* to give surprise gifts without asking, but you'll often get comments from other women saying "well it sounds to me like you want a boyfriend", or comments calling him "sassy". I don't disagree with the notion that the orange peel theory is a good way to see if your boyfriend is willing to do the little things. My issue is that a lot of women (not all) see it as almost audacious that a man ask for a simple gesture on par with peeling an orange...

A man spending money on you is not a sign that he's got himself together or serious. My ex did one thing consistently spend money on you. He loved feeling like a financial provider. Then you better not ask him where he's going, when he'll be back, expect him to be honest, not cheat on you repeatedly or find someone more easy to get away with being emotional insincere with. Ijs my comments aren't related to each other but I had to say it. Aside from saying I'm not an easy toy to just carry around in his pocket (???), I was "too big for his life" because I have a house, because he lives with roommates, because I work in the profession of my education unlike him (because he's too busy chasing women and possibly a green card) and I don't remember anything else he said because it didn't make sense. I would've done anything for him and I expected him to get what he wants because he was capable and I offered help. I just wouldn't pretend his complaints weren't resolvable or his life in certain areas wasn't destructive because he was lying to everyone he knew about something. I was just naive about how dirty people can be.

@isadoracarvalho9304

3 ай бұрын

EXACTLYYYYYY getting paid expensive gifts or expensive dates is not a proof of love or that he cares about you. in fact i feel like most men are willing to do this on a first date just to get to sleep with you more quickly. this sheraseven girl’s content is just reinforcing the idea that women should be bought into a relationship in order to have sex with a man. this is literally no different than sex work. not to mention that it solely benefits men more than anything else.

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

​@@isadoracarvalho9304It doesn't benefit men or women. It hurts the whole dating market. If I am not going to waste frivolously on dates then I am priced out of the market. I am 30 and don't make 100K a year etc.

orange peel theory is so dumb, if my mum asked my dad to do that he’d just stare at her and be like “…why don’t you just do it-“

maybe it’s just me but i’m not going to a super expensive restaurant on a first date. if the person offers to take me out then great but there’s nothing wrong with a coffee date. it’s cute and casual and a good way to get to know someone. also i wouldn’t want him to pay for my coffee. wdym “i’m not paying for something as cheap as a coffee”? if it’s cheap then buy it yourself girl

As a millennial, I am so glad that social media was in its infancy when I was dating. People are complicating these things way too much 😂

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

When men do some BS it's men doing BS. When women complicate dating it becomes people complicate dating. I love the bait and switch. 😂

i think the idea that “be independent you don’t need romantic love it’s much more fulfilling to achieve your goals” is held as a “healthy” standard because someone is not codependent on a partner. but if you’re denying yourself meaningful romantic relationships in order to do those things then that’s not the healthy independence people want us to think it is. i don’t think anyone should be blamed for that especially if they’ve been in a series of unhealthy relationships, but it’s important to acknowledge how it can be isolating. Edit: Based on the responses below I think “denying yourself” was a bad choice of words. What I meant was that if you want to be a in relationship with someone and they you it doesn’t have to be overly complicated in terms of playing hard to get and a bunch of other things that are portrayed as “good dating tactics”. at the end of the day it only matters that all parties are happy and consenting and if you’re not happy with being in a situation ship instead of a relationship you don’t have to settle for one which is what i feel the most relevant part to this video in particular 🫶🏽

@gwendolenyoung4198

4 ай бұрын

@jasminbird8947 you do know that there are other options such as being single and abstinent? Quit trying to shame people for not wanting to pair up. Why do you think we should all pair up? Because other people do it? I am so tired of people assuming what I want. I haven't dated in 12 years and thusly have had a more dead bedroom than most marriages but people want to make me out a slut or as though I'm unhealthy for being happy this way. I will say this once. Not everybody wants what you want.

@anava7030

4 ай бұрын

Exaaaactly and like why not both? It’s honestly so difficult for me to do anything great without emotional support from someone, a romantic relationship can be the support you need to reach your goals or just like - get through life tbh lol life is hard dude

@jasminbird8947

4 ай бұрын

@@gwendolenyoung4198 I don’t even know you Gwendolen so I’m not making a comment on your relationship status or calling you a slut. When I originally wrote the comment I included a line addressing that it was only applicable to people who WANT to be in relationships but don’t since they’re told it’s not a reflection of independence etc and that it’s equally valid to not want to be in a relationship if that’s what someone truly wants. I took it out assuming people would just understand that. I probably should’ve left it in for you 😭

@jasminbird8947

4 ай бұрын

@@anava7030 i definitely get this my partner and I have really grown to be healthy strong support persons for each other. And I think the wonderful thing about healthy relationships is that you can still be independent and be your own self whilst growing alongside someone else who is also their own self. Independence doesn’t mean we have to cut ourselves off from any support no what type it is 🫶🏽

@Lovefortea448

4 ай бұрын

​@@jasminbird8947I'm gonna be honest, I don't blame the other person for assuming. People actually think that romance is essential to everyone, even people who aren't interested and it can be so frustrating.

I don't care about peeling an orange. I'd be more annoyed that my gf is asking me to do dumb tiktok trends.

@55CINCO55

4 ай бұрын

That "you passed" reaction the girl had in the video would of made me break up with her lmao. The mother of my children has to be smarter than that.

@Anavaeebaee

4 ай бұрын

I agree, those viral “relationship tests” are so stupid 🙄

@anni1348

4 ай бұрын

I guess it's about the gesture, that your partner shouldn't get mad or refuse if you ask them to do simple nice things to you to support you, like peeling an orange. But if you already have to test your relationship you know it's not secure.

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

Sadly Gen Z might never grow up. Maybe by 40. As a Millennial I am in a bad way. I would have to get someone my age pregnant fast or date someone younger than me who does childish TikTok Trends. 😢

Y’all need to get off the internet and go experience life. I don’t know. Like go to church or something. Live your life. These apps are shit.

@orahilike5383

4 ай бұрын

TikTok is rotting people’s brains it’s so sad frfr

@ibrahimtall6209

2 ай бұрын

Real talk. All this comments are just noise and waxing philosophical, this is the only real advice. Put down the device and live, social media is destroying us, guilty as charged

25:30 I don't think it's fair to parrot feminism when a lot of views you hold perpetuate gender roles. You can't resort to feminism and the abolition of gender roles when it's beneficial to women, but then also gauge the quality of a man based on how well he lives up to male gender roles. You can't cherrypick both feminist views and patriarchal views when they're convenient for you...

@arcadehayabusu2295

3 ай бұрын

I thought I was the only one that saw this huge discrepancy in this video. The only reason why I myself haven't critiqued her heavily on this is because most women I know personally think like this to the poi t that it has also influenced my feminist politics

@arcadehayabusu2295

3 ай бұрын

Especially at 36:00, why should a man spend a significant amount of money for a women they have never met? Especially if they don't have bread like that?

@rockerchic363

2 ай бұрын

@@arcadehayabusu2295ask the men who spend their paychecks on OF girls but won’t even pay for the woman they’re on a date with in real life.

Guys here. The texting thing works the same way with us. We are equally scared to seem desperate and text first. I think a lot of the humanity of dating gets lost in these “games” of texting. I think it’s best to remember that the person you are talking to is human with human emotions and interests. They are probably just as scared as you are

Honestly people really should just stop getting dating "tips" and "advice" from others on the internet. Modern day dating is hard enough and now there are so many rules we are told we have to follow. One person says do this if you want a successful relationship and another says no, don't follow those guidelines, do this instead. Its no wonder many people are giving up on finding love and choosing to focus on careers and other goals. I think people should do what they are comfortable with when it comes to dating. Whether that means going on a coffee date instead of a dinner date, or sleeping together after the first date or not, or texting first or not etc. Just do what you are comfortable with and find what works for you.

Situationships are something created by people with disorganised attachment styles, and secure people are left feeling like it makes no sense cause it’s so alien to them

I believe in love and getting married however I feel that I won’t be able to get there until I am in my late 20s or early 30s. I am 21 the people who want serious relationships are already in relationships while other people have a situationship and a roster. I guess I am just gonna wait for people to get serious after college.

@smar-t-pants

4 ай бұрын

As another 21 year old, SAME. As much as I dream about being in a loving relationship and getting married someday, I still feel that it may be a bit early for me, and I have other priorities in life right now, such as finishing college. I guess I’m also gonna wait until my late 20’s as well lol (I’m completely ok with it tho)

@ErikaCartet

4 ай бұрын

just wanted to say i wish you the best and it’s great that you know what you want even if you’ve accepted that you’ll probably have to wait to have that! spend that time enjoying your free time and your friends and continuing to grow without the heartache! i’m 29 and i have always known that i’m super serious when it comes to relationships and was not suited for anything casual, throughout my teens/early 20s i had no interest in dating for the sake of dating. i definitely believed in love but i didn’t prioritize finding a romantic relationship because i knew it just wasn’t in the cards for that period of my life. not that people didn’t express interest, but i wasn’t personally comfortable dating anyone that didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship and i pretty much felt disinterested in in dating anyone i couldn’t potentially see myself marrying haha - so i wasn’t the type to go on a few dates with someone who expressed interest in me to see if we clicked, i knew i’d only be able to date someone i already knew very well. like, i totally think that dating people in those years can be great experience for realizing your needs in a relationship, and if you’re not interested in being serious, then just enjoy the connections you do have, however casual or brief! but also, if that’s not your thing then you’re not missing out. you can still learn about yourself and your needs outside of a specifically romantic relationship, and so much will be unique to the dynamic between you and a specific partner, there’s no reason to worry about not having dating experience. my partner and i have been dating for two years now and are talking about marriage and i hadn’t dated or had sex before him because i had no interest in anything casual and hadn’t found someone i was serious about before him, and yet i felt super comfortable being emotionally and physically intimate with him because the connection and care we had between us was what i was looking for. it might be hard finding someone who wants what you do, but also there’s no rush and it’s so much healthier and happier to wait until you find someone who wants to pursue what you want with you and communicate that with each other openly instead of being indirect and guarded. so yeah! just sharing with others here to try not to worry about being young and not dating for whatever reason and to do what feels right for you

With all the horror stories we hear from men and women having their kind hearts and affections taken for granted by partners that didn’t appreciate it; is it any wonder things like orange peel theory, sugaring, and situationships are so in coughs? The fact is, relationships are all about give and take, ideally we take care of eachother. Problem is, we see so many relationships end up as all take and no give. So to avoid that, people are guarding themselves from love. Afterall, the way it works is those who catch feelings, catch hell. Men don’t wanna pay for dates, pull out chairs, or anything chivalrous. Women don’t want interactions that don’t involve getting paid. I think ultimately as much as no one wants to say it; on both sides, we’re scared to get hurt. We don’t want our sincere affections to expose us to mistreatment. Problem is we project those negative feelings onto everyone we see, then treat them bad, ironically to protect ourselves from some imaginary slight. It just makes us all exhausted, lonely, and cynical of eachother.

Some of the points here are kinda wild, love your content but equating how much a date cost or where it is over the content of the persons character? If I buy my own coffee but you challenge me, make me laugh and communicate well. I don’t mind? This is kind of why all these rules are sometimes useful but people are so subjective! Same with not having sex or feeling too attached after, different personalities handle those early stages in a varied way. I think young girls need to value their self worth aside from male perspectives but grown women I don’t think have a playbook of dates. It’s about having fun and enjoying yourself, put that first.

As a man in gen z I love watching your videos and learning everything there is to know about trends I didn't know existed

Someone told me that I have an "extremely unhealthy attachment style " for saying I think 1 month of dating is long enough to decide to define the relationship

There’s always an exception to the rule. My now husband told me he didn’t believe in marriage. I told him I did. That was it. I never brought marriage up again, and never tried to pressure him. Somewhere along the line of us getting to know each other he changed his mind. I’m typing this to say that sometimes people change their minds; however, you can’t bank on that. All you can do is know what you’re looking for and communicate that to the other person.

@vixxcelacea2778

3 ай бұрын

This. And if it's so important to you (not you specifically, you as in generalization) then it might be an issue of compatibility. Sometimes, there are things, that seem silly that are truly important to us, let alone typically bigger things (like wanting kids, career choice, ethical values etc) You can't hold out for someone to change their mind if it means that much and it's not fair to either party to do so. In your case, clearly even if you had different thoughts on it, it wasn't a make or break situation for you and happily it worked out so both of you are happy. But you didn't expect him to ever change his mind on it, which is exactly what someone should do. Respect peoples perceptions and feelings. People can change, doesn't mean they should or will and its denying who they are as people to expect them too just because it's something you want.

I have something to say about the three months theory. Me and my ex were in a "talking stage" for 4,5 months before we started dating exclusively. We were together for 2 years, very happy together. So please don't listen to people online telling you how to date people, everyone is different

@yin4296

4 ай бұрын

my current bf and I were in a talking/sexting phase for almost 6 months, and we're going on 4 years, if you count the talking phase we've already been together 4 years lol. People need to not place so much on theories- if things are progressing in a way that feels natural and align with your long term goals, I don't see the need for any of these tests.

I totally agree that most of this is coming from an insecure place of I don't want to put myself out there and face rejection + I've been hurt and I don't want to risk being hurt again. It's cope.

what i really hate about situationships is how it trully wastes ur time and messes up ur perception on love plus its either you dont grow at all or grow from something negative which isnt great. the people around you should help/support u to grow, not trumanatize u into growth.

The rule 'if you're confused, he doesn't like you enough' applies to existing relationships too. For months, I had this gut feeling that my boyfriend didn't nearly like me as much anymore as I liked him. Then two days ago he broke up with me because, well, I was right.

"You define-" *Then why don't YOU ASK him to be your boyfriend??*

I find one thing in these comments to be funny which is 'if you don't like dating apps find someone in person' but a lot of this ignores other social issues. Things like 3rd places decreasing means places to meet people become harder and harder. Coffee shops aren't often a hub to go and meet new people, libraries are being defunded and less common, I rarely trust the people I'd meet at a bar/club with most still being just as interested in hookups only. Maybe some of this is because if the country I live in but the only ways to meet people to date is online or through being set up with friends which makes a lot of these things difficult to find love with how many people are struggling to maintain friendships now because of other social issues/expectations of friendship management. Overall the complexities of a lot of these problems tends to focus again on shifting culture that make a lot of things in the past currently less accessible to the average person unless you're willing to attempt to find in with some of the new.

I'm Gen Z and I absolutely agree with the girls who say focus on yourself, your career and your bank account over love and men. People try too hard to look away from the reality and fill their life with delusions of 'love' when it may or may not exist for a lot of people. And it's not only a gen Z problem cuz the couple who inspired 'The Vow' broke up too after the man cheated and they were like Gen X. 😂

@Elliott1314

4 ай бұрын

Your argument doesn't make sense. "A Gen X couple broke up so that means the entire video's hypothesis is incorrect." ?? The video was about the general attitude of Gen Z towards relationships, which is more casual and noncommittal. Your comment proved that point.

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

I am a 30 yo millennial guy who never got any chances of "love". As a woman your time frame is 22 to 34. If you never want kids then go ahead but realize scientifically you've got only so many years to find a suitable partner.

@lamour-md2ph

3 ай бұрын

@@mateaukalua4426 you sound bitter

@mateaukalua4426

3 ай бұрын

@@lamour-md2ph No I am being honest. A woman can possibly have children until 44. But when we're talking about finding the person of your dreams it's best to do that young etc.

@lamour-md2ph

3 ай бұрын

@@mateaukalua4426 nah you sound bitter

This was a good video. But I think when you're on a date, the only thing you really owe each other is kindness and respect. I dont think someone wanting to pay for their own coffee means that they're any less worthy of someone and it's also under the assumption that the man asked the woman out. If the roles were the reversed and you asked out a man, would you still expect them to pay? And even if the man did pay, That's probably one of the least strong indicators of whether or not someone is a good partner. Someone can do all of those things and still cheat on you, still treat you horribly, etc. You might wear makeup to go on a date and do your hair and that's a choice. If you think that a man you don't should pay for that choice, then I guess that's your business. It also doesn't take into the fact that men also get ready for these days. They buy cologne they buy shampoo. They buy conditioner, they buy good clothes, good shoes. Think it's a little disingenuous to think that there's no effort besides choosing the place on a man's side. If you want to get to know someone, let's throw away all of the BS and just talk. See if we vibe for real. All of this showmannship to impress the other person will go away after a few weeks anyway. So just be a human and see the other person as a human as well.

35:05 that is SO TOXIC! Men pay money to "look good" too... oh and the gas to puck you up, in his car, that he pays for...insurance on the car etc.... if you say "oh women pay money for their makeup amd hair to look good" where does it end? Come on now

As someone watching a gen Z video as a someone born in 83. Right before cell phones, texting, online blow up. Real love was one of the greatest things. One of the best and worst feelings.😅. The connection. The highs and lows. So many moments to experience. Having your first kiss on a old mointain side in a sunset or romantic place. Ahh the good ol days.

I met my bf on bumble and we’ve been happy together almost 3 years, but I learned all the things you said in this video through trial and error 💀 dating men who seemed nice and checked the boxes but I didn’t actually liked, & pining over someone who wouldn’t give me the time of day so I’ve done both and learned the hard way!

I'm 22, been single my whole life. I like to think I have a good level of self-worth to find someone who doesn't just give the bare minimum. Thank you for this video - I found it really interesting and agreed with pretty much everything you said.

Girl I’ve been saying this for the longest. It’s like you’re hated if you have it as well. Like “oh you want to be inside with your man and not the gang”, you’re weird. It’s okay to like being with a partner. It’s okay to like men. It’s okay to celebrate love, the world needs it.❤

this is so dissapointinggggg ugh. I haven't been on a proper date or had a bf/gf yet and I'm 19. I didn't have any experience even flirting until I blossomed and came to college last year. By my 3 weeks of college I had my first kiss, and then for about a month and a half I was in a toxic situtationship with that same guy and it was such a difficult, bad, WASTE of time. I indulged in hu culture for the rest of the year, and part of first semestee this year, but I realized it's really just not for me (currently abstinent and not looking for anything rn). Swiped my card with a guy I thought I'd be in a serious relationship with, but it didn't end up working out. All I want is a decent enough-looking person, preferably someone artsy with locs or a girl with natural hair and tats and piercings that can produce alternative R&B music with me IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK (very specific but it's clear I have a type lol). I just wanna fall in love at the end of the day. I dunno what that feels like, but I think about it all the time. And I refuse to use online dating plaforms. There's nothing wrong with those apps, my best friend is reaching the 2 year mark with her bumble match/now boyfriend. But that's not how I see my love story going, but maybe I'm romanticizing things too much (I watch too many rom-coms and read too many wattpads in middle school 😭)

@fabihaalam7565

4 ай бұрын

no dont worry girl im in the same boat as you :( i think we should just keep hope and a positive mindset and also focus on ourselves (not in the condescending ''relationships arent all that you dont need no man'' way but as iin, do the things you love and enjoy, work towards your future goals, and you will eventually attract like-minded people because you are going places where they hang out :)

@AJ-is4bu

11 күн бұрын

just wait tbh, engage in social activities having to do with those interests out irl, especially if you’re in college. if not, search for opportunities regardless, without expectations, and eventually someone is gonna catch your eye and vice/versa. I made friends in my college communities after having no success on apps and met my current gf through mutual friends, and she’s made me feel loved in ways i didn’t even imagine possible. Not to mention i’m a super nerd and she doesn’t only not mind it, but she matches it in her own ways. You have to meet the right person through the right processes sometimes. Like minded friends lead to like minded partners.

I broke up with my situationship last week :c it's definitely heart breaking and it's even harder knowing that you're giving up on a relationship you never really had