Why is nobody calling this what it is? It’s abuse, plain and simple.

@kimmilanda2989

3 жыл бұрын

Not even that it's straight s*xual assault

@briannahatcher9422

2 жыл бұрын

!!!!!

@vengoat7775

2 жыл бұрын

Not really but ight

@Autumn4779

Жыл бұрын

@@vengoat7775 it is

@kaitlynbirch9048

Жыл бұрын

@@vengoat7775 very much is sexual abuse amongst the christian community

Honestly the "checking the hymen" sounds like a sign of an extremely male dominated culture, and his refusal to accept her feelings on the situation and then slapping her when she "disobeyed" him definitely solidified that. So glad she got out of there

@qingyuli5460

3 жыл бұрын

And no other women were involved too like, what in the f*ck is this bs????

@t3rr3nc388

3 жыл бұрын

I think that’s the point. That’s why it’s sick.

@tania7615

3 жыл бұрын

Right and why couldn’t his mom do it why the dad 🤔🤨

@izaiahharden9974

3 жыл бұрын

Hymens can break from anything it’s not even a good idea to check

@loriecoupland8413

3 жыл бұрын

I wonder what culture his family is from...

This isn’t even just creepy this is scary. This sounds like something the men in the family created a long time ago to show their dominance over the new bride. That’s so fucking humiliating and horrifying. Wtf. This is also sets up how he’s going to treat her when it comes to his family on the future

@613simpson

3 жыл бұрын

And the fact the women in the family go along with it too because they’ve also went through that at one point. Horrifying

@livbensberg9218

3 жыл бұрын

Also all the men in his family will forever know what she looks like

@ericworley4361

Жыл бұрын

It's doubtful that the men in the family "created" it, they're probably from a culture where it is normalized and is something that has been done as a cultural practice for many generations. It's obviously not something that is commonly practiced or discussed in modern times in the developed world, but definitely still happens in some parts of the world where society is still extremely male dominated such as in parts of the middle east.

There are traditions and there is sexual assault. This would be the latter

@Firepaw20011

2 жыл бұрын

Traditional sexual assault.

“If you love me you’ll do this” “if YOU love ME you won’t try and MAKE me do this”

@t3rr3nc388

3 жыл бұрын

Period.

@samim1253

3 жыл бұрын

Yes all damn day

@georginaisintrouble279

3 жыл бұрын

Typical line from an abusive partner unfortunately

@elliefeldman3246

2 жыл бұрын

*slap*

@Clownbunnycosplay

2 жыл бұрын

The only time ‘If you love ‘me you’ll do this’ should be a thing, or be brought up- should be with trying new foods

When they said all his uncles and brothers would be there too I GASPED like oh my freaking god

@t3rr3nc388

3 жыл бұрын

It’s all bad but DAMN! That part.

@agirlhasnoname3580

3 жыл бұрын

I wasn’t surprised at all as this happens in my culture a lot, there are places where a women wraps a white cloth around her fingers to cause a tearing in the brides vagina so she can show the blood to the whole family who are waiting for her to come out and celebrate their daughters virtue! I never understood this obsession with women’s virtue, especially coming from a culture where women are kept away from any possible interaction with males.

@thechristianteen9167

2 жыл бұрын

@@t3rr3nc388 Right... That was so surprising

@LovelyLies16

Жыл бұрын

Right? I was already like, "Oh hell no like I'd let my fiance's dad do this!" and then she said all the uncles/brothers would be there too and I was like 😱. What kind of bizarre tradition is this? I know in ancient times girls would sometimes be checked, but even then it was done by another woman or an actual doctor. Why do ALL THE MEN of the family have to look at her? What's even the point of this other than dominance and humiliation?

The fact that his father would be touching her inappropriately before her husband even would is disgusting! That’s so degrading not to mention people can tear their hymens doing anything

@dreadsndogs4406

2 жыл бұрын

Actually no, the hymen wont tear, it is just a bunch of mucosal folds situated at the entrance of the vagina. It doesn’t cover the entire entrance except in very rare cases. So it's all just a myth.

@St-ik5zb

2 жыл бұрын

@@dreadsndogs4406 it could tear, and some people have it cover almost the whole opening, but yes, a lot of things "known" about the hymen are a myth (because we don't learn about it)

@AnnaHeey

2 жыл бұрын

Like, that is even more impure!!

@Autumn4779

Жыл бұрын

@@AnnaHeey what do you mean?

@IWouldHaveGoneWithYouToTheEnd

Жыл бұрын

Seriously, I knew a girl in middle school who’d broken her hymen by hitting her bike seat too hard after going over a bump XD

I feel sorry for his Mum who actually went through with this. I also wonder if he waited so close to the wedding to make it harder for her to have time to think about it and back out of marriage. So glad she got out of there, the type of man that will insist you do this is probably also the type of man who will not accept his wife saying no to sex.

@HAnnB24

3 жыл бұрын

That was my thought too, was that he waited so she would feel like she couldn't say no because the wedding was in a few day. He knew it is invasive, controlling and not okay but downplayed that it was "slightly embarrassing" for her, played up his emotions (crying when she said no) just so she would go along with it. It was major manipulation. It might seem like "this one thing" is the only problem but it is a sign of more, of his/his families view of women and their control over their own bodies. Especially since he later hit her, I agree, he would not accept her saying no to sex.

@cameoechols

3 жыл бұрын

I feel like he won’t be there for other things, like rape or the loss of a baby

@elodieelvira7913

2 жыл бұрын

To be able to pressure her obviously

@meaganzealand9591

2 жыл бұрын

This is such a good point. The last minute timing is super suspish.

@snabors12

2 жыл бұрын

ABSOLUTELY AGREED

I hope she told everyone single person who was invited exactly why she called the wedding off...the fiance doesn't deserve to keep his reputation after that, especially after he slapped her.

@vanessawillis5835

2 жыл бұрын

ooooo man I hope she told everyone too!!

@WorkoutintoThe5D

Жыл бұрын

Its when an update to a story is definitely wanted !

@everleighxoxox

Жыл бұрын

Yeeeessssssssss!!!!!

The fact that he jumped straight to violence when she wouldn't obey 🤨 messed up. And just stands as an example of what would've been to come. It would have escalated, and she would have ended up in a worse situation. Sometimes I can see where tradition should be respected, but in other cases (like here) there's definite cause for it to be left in the past where it belongs.

Also, if he respected her he would've told her about this thing BEFORE she accepted to merry him, not a week before. This is ridiculous. Why she have to prove him something but he doesn't.

@claramorrow7046

3 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately double standards are a big thing in religion and even out in everyday life. I hear people make comments all the time that make me stop in my tracks. Fortunately, I do think a lot of youth and millennials are more aware to these kinds of things and are actively trying to change.

@claramorrow7046

3 жыл бұрын

And call people out when they hear or see this kind of behavior.

@isabeli.9481

3 жыл бұрын

Maybe its a muslim marriage

@fightingrivers1788

3 жыл бұрын

@@isabeli.9481 which muslims have you met that allows the father in law to check the brides hymen 😭

@isabeli.9481

3 жыл бұрын

@@fightingrivers1788 oh in the Maghreb its a common practice, sometimes made by a doctor, and sometimes by the FIL or the BIL

There are so many red flags here. One I think needs to be mentioned- why does it have to be the men of the family? That to me says it's either some kind of kinky fantasy of someone (maybe the father?) or that women are not trusted in that family. I mean if the family has a value that the new wife must absolutely be a virgin (super weird that it's a family thing but I'll give a slight pass if it's deeply cultural), but like...why can't it be a doctor checking? Why not the women of the family? There is something deeply, deeply wrong here.

@alyssah9192

3 жыл бұрын

That’s exactly what I thought. Why can’t she go to the gynecologist? I hope she left though

@beultra3083

2 жыл бұрын

I'm guessing because legally, they can't ask a doctor to report back on the status of her hymen to another person. And because any doctor will tell you that the hymen doesn't tell you anything about sexual history. I'm guessing the father has been told this before, but that father > science is also a strong tradition in their family.

@elodieelvira7913

2 жыл бұрын

Cause obviously for his family, the word of a woman has no value and only a man who, believe or not DOES NOT have a vagina, will know what the hymen is and can attest of its integrity. That’s rapey point blank period

@y0utuberculosis

2 жыл бұрын

I would very highly doubt he'd even know what to look for. He's supposedly only been with one woman, and it's not like you get an anatomy lesson when you're down there.

@xeno_me

2 жыл бұрын

A doctor can't check because this isn't scientific at all. A hymen or the absence thereof doesn't prove anything about virginity. They come in so many different shapes and sizes and so much can happen to them over time just by doing everyday things that even a professional can't tell the difference for sure. I come from a culture where this still happens a lot and people will do anything to get around ruining the supposed hymen like only having anal sex, hymen reconstruction surgeries or just no penetration. A doctor also can't check because this has been made illegal in most places. It's just barbaric and stupid. Like what if she doesn't have one and they think it means she's lying and she loses everything over a piece of skin. Fuck this guy, fuck his dad, fuck his uncles.

It’s also so strange because i’m assuming his father is not a doctor or anything. No way every man in his family is a gynaecologist who knows anything about vaginas.

@Lara-ku2kf

3 жыл бұрын

If they were gynaecologists they would know that the hymen is not an indicator of virginity and virginity is not an indicator of purity. The hymen is there to keep unwanted things out of that passage. Virginity is a social construct and biological doesn’t exist.

@AMMG0891

3 жыл бұрын

@@Lara-ku2kf 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@brec1589

2 жыл бұрын

@@Lara-ku2kf exactly

@Autumn4779

Жыл бұрын

@@Lara-ku2kf Fact: Vaginity is a social construct made up in the 1800 to suppres women into staying ""pure""

@Beaneabean

Жыл бұрын

@@Lara-ku2kf Wait then why does it break after sex then? What are the unwanted things?

This is sexual assault! She is a virgin and he expected his dad to touch his virgin fiance to check her hymen, in front of his entire male family! This is a huge trauma and violation. Glad she got out!

Sounds like him and his family are big on control over women. He clearly respects his father more than his fiancée.

Every time my husband leans over and reads your video titles he goes “wtf are you watching??” Lol

@TwoHotTakes

3 жыл бұрын

Hahaha I can picture this and I’m LOLing

@everleighxoxox

Жыл бұрын

Bahahahahaha sameeee here 😭😭😭

As someone who was traumatized through sexual harassment when I was young, this situation would've frightened me and cut it off immediately. I'm sure that I would've answered "So you want to sexually harrass me with all the men in your family to prove my love? Then I don't need this marriage."

She needs to out him and his family to everyone. Post his name and face so that every woman within a mile of him knows what they’re in for

@CecilyV

2 жыл бұрын

If that happened to me I would FOR SURE post on all my social media’s exactly why the wedding was called off. Making sure that anyone googling him can see. I’m sure even potential employers would reconsider if it was easy to find.

@londongirl6711

Жыл бұрын

Yes exactly !!!

“You’ll do this if you love me” “It’s just one thing.” Such a huge flag, you know there would have been so much more manipulation down the road.

Even though this experience sounds horrific, in a way, it’s good that something like this happened BEFORE she married him. He was really forced to show his true self. I can’t imagine if she had married him the domineering, abusive marriage that she probably would have been in.

Glad she is out of there. He seems like a dangerous guy to be with or raise a family with.

@belindarocky961

3 жыл бұрын

My 1st thought too. Can you even imagine feeling safe allowing your kids around that family?!

@animemagic

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely! Imagine trying to raise kids, especially a daughter, with this guy. Everything about this gives me the creep!

@Gailwilkes

3 жыл бұрын

@ashley asher I hope not……

@lynn-marieflechner5406

3 жыл бұрын

@ashley asher she didn’t. She told the fiancé she wouldn’t and he slapped her so she left him.

"its just one small thing" says it all. Except it's not a small thing, it is a huge thing and basically says they don't know each other well enough to get married.They need to reexamine your goals, wants, needs and values. Sounds like they don't know enough about each other.

@animeluv025

3 жыл бұрын

I think this can easily snowball into worse things throughout the relationship. And like it won’t just affect her, but also her future daughter (if she has one).

I grew up in a community like this. None of the women question it. My friends have all done this and think it's just one of those things that you need to do in order to be a good, religious person. And that isn't even the craziest rule. It's a religious cult.

@TwoHotTakes

3 жыл бұрын

Wow. I cannot imagine being subjected to this… so wild that some just view it as another regular thing

@dani8528

3 жыл бұрын

what religion even is this??? bro i can believe it!

@BRhymesss

3 жыл бұрын

What religion/culture/community is this? This is awful :(

@sarahb4401

2 жыл бұрын

@@BRhymesss it’s still common in many Middle Eastern, African and south Asian communities

@naomssi1300

2 жыл бұрын

@@sarahb4401 it's in communities of europe and some communities in north america too.. not sure about the father checking tho... that I never heard of, super fucking scary

The “checking the hymen” is so disgusting and disturbing. It’s cult like. And really extremely cult like with the check to see basically if she’s “pure” that is so so so gross. But him hitting her, I figured it would go there. If your family tradition is like that, then abusive relationships most likely will follow. I’m glad she got away.

@Clownbunnycosplay

2 жыл бұрын

My only thing, is imagine she went through with it and and wasn’t born with a hymen, and would’ve been seen as ‘not pure ’ what would’ve happened?

This is abuse... so sad, this should never happen. I'm glad she found out his true colors BEFORE the wedding. ALSO, I've had some incredible experiences with professional, kind, and caring male Gynecologists and have had an awful one with a female Gyno - definitely can't generalize this! I prefer males because of my negative experience with a female and positive ones with male Gyno's. I totally can understand a woman's discomfort with a male doctor in this circumstance, but just wanted to share that female doctors can also be not so great, and male ones can sometimes be great. I've come to realize it's not gender specific, it's person to person! I feel like male Gyno's get a bad rep sometimes, so just wanted to add my two cents.

@rVnsunshine

2 жыл бұрын

That’s a great point. Thanks for sharing! I think sharing our experiences to get effective healthcare as women is so important, especially with how hard it is to find good care.

@Evilfuzzl224

Жыл бұрын

Honestly that’s a great point 😊! I’ve had a male Gyno doctor for years, in fact he’s my moms gyno too. He was the doctor that helped my mom give birth to me 😅. So he’s seen me literally from the moment I was born. It’s sounds strange, but I promise he’s the kindest and most gentle man ever. I trust him wholeheartedly. He’s never done anything remotely creepy or disrespectful to me. In fact he always had a female nurse with him in every appointment to ensure the women feel safe. So yes, not all male doctors are creeps. There are good ones out there. I’ve had bad experiences with both genders as other doctors, so it solely depends on who they are as people.

Also like who wants to share their partner that saved themselves for them with 4 to 5 men in the family. Like you are seeing her naked for the first time in a sick shared ceremony. So much about saving her for yourself. And also, a hymen can be a little torn over the stupidest thing like gymnastics or bike riding so wtf is this. He would totally break up believing she lied.

@azarcruz3142

2 жыл бұрын

This is true because it is so thin and fragile

If they have a son together will he check the Hyman of his sons girlfriend…. This is so yuck

@ellielittle2601

3 жыл бұрын

That’s such a good point. This is such a red flag for whatever would have happened down the road.

and the fact that he glossed over it and didn’t discuss it in detail until the night before the wedding is a huge red flag.

So glad she left, if she didn’t who knows the kind of abuse she would have been in. The fact he slapped her before the wedding was the biggest red flag.

@Gailwilkes

3 жыл бұрын

Wait she left??! How do you know??! I’m so glad to hear

@leahwoodrum6552

3 жыл бұрын

@@Gailwilkes According to the update (around 13:00) when she talked to him about not allowing it to happen, he got angry & slapped her. She broke everything off.

He would end up having to “examine” his future daughter in law or his niece in law??? I wouldn’t want my husband to do that, ON TOP of being violated like that.

The family sounds awful, but can you imagine getting violated like that, then for the rest of your life having holidays, birthdays and just in general life moments and see those men for the rest of your life? The re-traumatizing cycle this family would have started right from the jump is horrifying and makes the scenario seem like a larger manipulation to keep the women in the family down.

This is deeply disturbing on so many levels. I’m glad she refused and the wedding was called off. I want to know what her own family thought about all of this. She never mentioned them, which made me think she doesn’t have anybody backing her up exept for the friend who’s letting her stay over.

He sounds like a total monster after the update.

@ichkannechtallesauermathe634

2 жыл бұрын

Only after the update?

I got so angry when he said she had to “prove” that she loved him. Then, he proves he doesn’t love her, otherwise he would respect & protect her… then slaps her! Ugh! Glad she left. Very handmaiden & Gilead of him & his family. Just wow!

This whole thing is horrible I am glad she left. Also I am glad I have not gotten any bad experiences with dealing doctors. The only male doctor in my area that woman go to deal with down there is the labor/birthing doctor.

@Gailwilkes

3 жыл бұрын

Did she leave??!

@Gailwilkes

3 жыл бұрын

How do you know she left??!

It would have been nice to publicly share his name to warn off other females. His poor mom must be abused by her dad and he has followed in the same footsteps.

That’s literally so scary! What the hell!? Bro there would be burn marks on the floor from how quickly I would run!

What year is this? This girl should be running for her life, it sounds like an extremely male-dominated family she is voluntarily marrying into. Exposing yourself in such a way is such an intimate thing that should only happen when you feel comfortable. The fact that many men would be in the room whom she is probably unfamiliar with would likely cause the poor girl trauma.

This may be odd but I ADORE my male Gyno. I had a woman for years and she ignored all my complaints about painful periods and stuff. The FIRST time I mentioned it he said he didn't think it was normal and he wanted to do tests. I ended up being diagnosed with endometriosis AT 27. From our very first appointment he asked if I preferred silence, conversation or for him explain what he was doing. He managed to make me so comfortable that the tests would be over before I'd even known he'd done anything. He was a 6th generation doctor. His son just finished med school and his daughter entered last year.

@sammichmaker4021

3 жыл бұрын

Not odd at all!! My experience with female gyno's is they VERY quickly dismissed most issues with "Its part of being a woman" "Its normal for periods, should be used to this already" 🙄🙄 Yeah..sure being in fetal position 15 days out of the month is SOOOOO normal. 🙄🙄 At least male doctors understand they dont know what its like and willing to investigate until everything proves its just apart of being a woman!

@Athasin

3 жыл бұрын

Same, my first gyno was female, and ignored my pain. I ended up in the hospital for an ovary issue and a male gyno not only saved my life but actually helped me find the perfect birth control to help with ovarian cysts.

@cassandrahepp6445

3 жыл бұрын

@@sammichmaker4021 that was my exact experience. From the time I started my cycles (10 years old) I'd be doubled over in pain a few days every month (I'm lucky on that front I suppose). Pain bad enough to cause nausea and leave me shakey and feeling like I had the flu. My female Dr dismissed it like I was just being a baby about it. It was shocking when the male Dr took me serious immediately. It took over a decade to get diagnosed with endometriosis because I was going to the wrong doctor.

@nicolehopp4139

3 жыл бұрын

I think it boils down to your gyno being empathetic and gentle. Most of the time gynecologists are dealing with very sensitive areas, as well as vulnerable topics. A good gyno should be able to make you feel extremely safe and at ease. It's entirely possible for a great gyno to be male, or to be female. Unfortunately, I think men, in general, have a tendency to be like that less often than women.

@rozannab9701

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed. My female gyno and later on OB never took anything seriously and downplayed everything.

She didn't just dodge a bullet, she dodged a bloody grenade. Wow. I'm utterly horrified

Ive heard about this being done before but by women and that was creepy enough, but the dad and other male family members?! Yikes doesnt even cover it. This screams of some sort of sick ass kink

@cabreeannaobrien789

3 жыл бұрын

That was my first though honestly. Some sort of weird fetish bc she’s “pure”

@rosa3299

2 жыл бұрын

Dude, the thought of it happening to me is traumatizing.

@richeau

2 жыл бұрын

@@rosa3299 dont let them!!!!

Also, why did he wait 2 days before the wedding before he told her about this "tradition". Surely it should have been brought up way before a proposal even happened. So glad she left that toxic relationship.

@L_needs_sleep

3 жыл бұрын

I think he brought it up so late to give her less time to dwell on it. "All this work went into the wedding are you really gonna throw it all away?" The timing and the manipulation make think he knew she'd say no given more time, so he took that away from her. Glad she got out tho

@amyx6455

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah you made a good point, just shows that he's even more manipulative for taking it that far.

Bro, call her Mario cause she just dodged the biggest bullet ever.

This type of “tradition” just shows how he was most likely raised as well. At that point all respect for him would be lost for not standing up for me and for partaking and adamantly believing in such a sexist disgusting practice.

I’m not even the whole way through this. She absolutely should run and not look back. If you do this one thing for him, it won’t just be this one thing. This will set the basis for the marriage. It’s clear there’s some male power issue going on this family. This feels so handmaids tale

@carlasouza5306

3 жыл бұрын

Girl I just read the title and I would run.....

Good on her for breaking it off. I just really hope she stays away from him and that he doesn't manipulate her back into a relationship.

This Reddit story reminds me so much of the family who wanted to be outside the door when the new married couple consummated the marriage. I remember the family saying it was "tradition". does anybody remember that one? I honestly don't understand where these perverts come from. But this story is just absolutely disgusting. In the whole checking behind the thing is degrading and downright abusive.

I'm not even being funny here when I say this is horror movie( thriller book) material. Prologue- Girl thinks she has a fairytale perfect life as she is about to get married, but when a shocking request comes from her future husband, it starts to slowly reveal too many secrets. Sorry, it's a bit long - Besides that, bless this girl. when he slapped her that revealed so much. What she might have thought was perfect, was actually an act. imagine how much he had to pretend to seem like the perfect boyfriend, fiancee, and almost-husband. Thankfully his mask cracked before she could make the deathrument decision of marrying him and becoming a part of this cult family. Part of me does feel bad for the other women in the family, who were possibly forced into this situation. it seems that way because of the way the guy seemed comfortable slapping her like he possibly grew up seeing it all the time.

I got pregnant at 19 I know not best situation. But the doctor who ended up getting fired soon after because he was inappropriate with patients would belittle me and shame me for having sex before marriage. He told me I should be sterilized. this was in 2012.

@TwoHotTakes

3 жыл бұрын

Holy shit. So sorry you went through that! Some people just have no empathy

@chelseygarrett4221

3 жыл бұрын

@@TwoHotTakes I like to tell myself that he was very elderly and maybe he just needed to retire. But my mom had his brother as an oncologist and he told her if I was your husband I wouldn't let you get "those puppies" remove referring to her breasts. So clearly the whole family is just messed up.

But like, she never even mentioned the dad was a doctor anything, like how would he even know what he was doing? Makes it all seem extra pointless

“In order to make sure you’re pure for me, I’m going to let my dad and other male relatives violate you.” Like what the ACTUAL FUUU-🤬🤬

It is a good thing she found this out BEFORE the wedding! Even just a day before. In my culture there is a practice of all the elders watching you consummate the marriage on the wedding night with nothing covering you but a white sheet. They’re looking for blood on the sheet to prove bride is a virgin. That’s AFTER they’re already married and it’s too late. Not practiced much anymore but does still happen back in origin country.

@pandora9814

2 жыл бұрын

What country is that

@noh3987

2 жыл бұрын

@@pandora9814 Polynesian islands

@rVnsunshine

2 жыл бұрын

Woah……😬

Yes, people are born without or partial etc. For those who have a hymen it isn’t even supposed to break or “pop” it’s supposed to stretch if you perform correctly and is obviously, as stated, not a tell of virginity. Not only is his family uneducated but it feels to me likes it’s just another misogynistic and controlling religious tactic. If she had married him, that would’ve just been the beginning of the terrors she would’ve been subjected to.

This is like a Handmaid Tale sh!t that came true. Which makes it even more scary!!!!!

I’m from a GCC country in the Middle East and not going to lie we have backwards traditions but that just sounds so insane to me. In Islam it is forbidden for any male to see your private area unless husband or doctor if needed. So I’m not sure what kind of messed up tradition this comes from. It just sounds like a lie so they can check her virginity because he is so spineless that he can’t stand up for his wife and wants to prove to the men in his family that she is a virgin. So messed up. I’m so glad she didn’t agree to this. Sounds so insane, I hope this is fake.

@hyrunnisa997

Жыл бұрын

you are probably right. it sounds like a lie...or an excuse to get her in a room by herself and rape her.

This is absolutely sexual assault. 100%

if someone asked me to do this i would take the ring off immediately 💀

That's so messed up. It's 2021 , not acceptable, and that's sexual assault. No man who loves a woman would be ok with that. Not mention how scarring that would be a young woman is a virgin.

lol the fact that she thought the relationship was "perfect" is red flag number one fo me. no relationship or person is perfect.

I am in awe of this one!!! Wow!! I can’t believe that his family could even think that is okay let alone normal. I agree with everything you guys said. That was a red flag from the beginning and the fact that he hit her just for asking him to stand with her decision to not do it is a massive NO GO! He hit you for saying you wanted autonomy over your own body and don’t want his family looking at you, god only knows what else he’d hit her for.

“Tradition” sounds more like taking advantage lol

strange how he wouldn’t be upset if her virginity was lost before but he is perfectly okay with his entire family see her?

On medical embarrassment and harassment... my mom works at the STD department of my local health department and she's a investigator, but she is also an RN, and so many people who work in the clinic (she works there sometimes) judge people for having STDs and being trans and other things...

I appreciate that Zach is a sane man. His input is nice fr fr

“It will prove how much I love him” Nuh uh boy, I love myself above everyone else. And I’m gonna respect that. 👋🏻

The level of ABSOLUTELY NOT that this had is too much. 😩😩😩😩 Noooo! Girl nooooo! Get out! Ugh.

I would tell him that he has to be OUT OF HIS MIND to think that I would EVER agree to that and let him know in no uncertain terms that before I would allow that kind of VIOLATION take place, I would break up with him.

That straight up sounds creepy and cult-ish. Do the male family members get a kick out of it?

Honestly… some of the stuff that straight women tolerate is absolutely alien to me. I know she didn’t do it in the end, but she still thought about it. The fact that she thought about it, and even asked Reddit what she should do is wild. And the “this is the only thing apart from this he’s perfect” is something a lot of women say when they’re trying to justify their boyfriends abusive behaviours. The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in Hades.

Absolutely not. Okay so if that’s his boundary and he insists, than that’s his choice. My boundary though is that my body is my own. I absolutely will never “prove virginity” and if that’s a deal breaker for him then that’s his choice and he can leave. He can hold that boundary and leave if he must, but I would NEVER. That’s disgusting and creepy, and shows how much he doesn’t trust… and absolutely not. Just no.

I'm from Europe and I have never heard about that tradition😱 I can't even imagine which country/countries has/have this tradition here in Europe. Does anyone else know?

@marit981

3 жыл бұрын

From Europe too, never heard on this, and like you said, can't imagine where in europe that would be in any case

@patisaurus4046

2 жыл бұрын

same for me. maybe some brought it with them but then its a niche, as it was with female genital mutilation.

@laalchimista23

2 жыл бұрын

There are definitely cultures in Europe that still practice virginity rituals, for example the Roma people.

@nad3172

2 жыл бұрын

I head that they do that in east Asia. But they do it in the doctors.

Oh my gosh, I’m so glad she left him! I 100% believe Justin: his reaction to her saying no reveals his true character as a husband IF they were to get married. Dude put disgusting family rituals before his woman and managed to lose her in the process because he couldn’t sympathize with her.

That "one thing" will become another thing and another thing.. and another thing. This is a *big* red flag. It's actually extraordinarily misogynistic and "a tell" for the future with this guy and his family.

I've never been to a male gynecologist, but I've definitely had my serious concerns dismissed by female doctors. After 3 years I've finally gotten a diagnosis of simple hyperplasia, based on the same symptoms I was presenting at the time the other doctor told me I just had a thick uterine lining. I got my results 2 months after the MRI so she didn't believe me when I asked if the amount was especially abnormal given that i had started my cycle 6 days before the test. I remembered that because I was still spotting and afraid of bleeding through my gown while waiting. She told me I must be wrong about the date. I'm just lucky this is being dealt with now, before it became cancerous but it would have lovely not to have had 3 years of extremely heavy painful periods.

I went to a male gynaecologist after seeing 4 women and he was the only one who gave me an actual scientific diagnosis and plan to move forward.

@niamhdonnelly6196

Жыл бұрын

Ok? Did he pick you?

Run, don't walk away from that family

“If you love me…” That’s the sing to get out of there

Its funny how she has to prove but he dosent.

I saw the shortened version of this on tiktok and absolutely RAN to youtube! I had to see how this ended 😅

Also ps. a normal hymen has a hole in it! If they did not have holes, there would be no way to menstruate! 🥳 I recommend watching a mama doctor Jones video, she’s great!

@ellielittle2601

3 жыл бұрын

I love Mama Doctor Jones!

@dinodino5602

2 жыл бұрын

+++

Im all for respecting different cultures but I feel like this stuff should be brought up when you’re dating. Like this is the stuff that happened to my Mexican friends grandparents but not now. So we don’t know what the guys family’s beliefs are, but Im sure you would think that when you’re getting to know someone especially to marry you would mention this type of ideology. So screw that guy and his family for being manipulative the whole time

I couldnt care less who my doctor is as long as they take me seriously and talk to me like they actually care about what's going on with me. I've had so many doctors who were women who also just completely discredit me when it comes to certain things.

The fact he left it till the day before the wedding to tell her shows me he was hoping that the pressure of the wedding would make her agree

This is the scariest red flag I’ve ever heard. This is wrong on every level get rid

I love watching you three together, you have an amazing dynamic

I was already shocked at the original post… but the update actually made my jaw drop… wtf I’m so glad she got out before she was legally bound to this crazy bastard.

1. There’s no way in hell that girl should let the men in her family look at her that’s so degrading. Like I’m appalled for her. 2. My gynecologist was a man. He was my moms doctor as well and he delivered my brother. So he’s known me since I was 1. I went to see him quit early because of my period pains. The schools nurse was so dismissive of me, even though I fainted from the pain in front of her and she had to help me up. She said I was faking it to get out of school and not in actual pain. I was really nervous to go since he was a man and since I wasn’t a virgin and I didn’t want my mom to find out. When I got to his office my mom wanted to go everywhere with me and he told he she had to stay put. He then asked me if I had lied before and that it was a natural part of life and that it was ok to be nervous but that nothing bad was going to happen. He was the only adult I felt that really had my back that way. I trusted him so much and I kept going for years. Even though I didn’t leave in the same country for years I would still have my annual check up with him when I traveled back. He always had my back and knew how people reacted to girls having sex before marriage so he was always very discreet. About a month ago I talked to him about getting a new prescription and he gave me directions and congratulated me on my wedding. He just passed away a few weeks ago and it really broke my heart. He was a good man and a great doctor.

If she were to go with this “one thing” that she’s so clearly uncomfortable with, she will spend the rest of her life feeling like she’s not good enough for her husband, sexually violated by her father in law and like something was stolen from her. Bad deal. It’s a very ridiculous, inappropriate request and very invasive. This does sound cultish. Not okay. And HE didn’t need to prove anything but she’s expected to prove something to him? He’s manipulative and abusive.

I gasped so loudly when she wrote "then he slapped me". I WOULD RAGE.

Family/cultural traditions shouldn't be supported if its harmful or oppresses a certain group (e.g women). Like FGM, Hymen checking, circumcision etc.

What???! He should trust the bride and if he wants to check he should do it himself because that is an uncomfortable situation to be in.

@solesuna

3 жыл бұрын

Even if he would check that wouldn't be anything to ckeck.

I would be very uncomfortable about the having the father n other other male family members check my hymen, they could take advantage for all we know, FOH!!!!

That Doctor who told you you had words needs to lose his license. Because that's misdiagnosing you just to judge you and make fun. And he must not be a good doctor if you can't tell the difference between an ingrown hair and warts!

For those that are interested. A hymen can be broken by such as riding a bicycle, doing gymnastics, or playing sports, masturbation, riding a horse, even a pelvic exam/pap test or from inserting a tampon, it can also wear down over time. So for your information ❤

This is some “not without my daughter” shit right here

12:36 NAH CAUSE WE GASPED AT THE SAME EXACT TIME LMAOOO

He is in a Cult. Run girl!!!

The moms have to check his purity too 😑

Yeah. No. I WOULD NEVER allow this. This is NOT OK.

Just from the opening, oh god sis run!!