Esther Perel Q&A Part I: Jealousy & Modern Relationships | @PineappleO

"The State of Affairs" written by Esther Perel: amzn.to/2UZ9lcZ
Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel is the New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and she is also the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
0:13 On Trust
3:13 On Jealousy
6:15 On Work/Home Balance
8:11 On Happiness of Self vs. Others
*Correction at 3:26: "Jealousy is an erotic wrath."
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Пікірлер: 109

  • @redundancyqueen2647
    @redundancyqueen26474 жыл бұрын

    She had me at "Trust is a leap of faith. Trust the ability to live with what you will not know". Wow. Dont think twice, watch it!

  • @sankamon3994

    @sankamon3994

    3 жыл бұрын

    ²²²

  • @TheRana124

    @TheRana124

    3 жыл бұрын

    I don’t think girls learn this until later in life

  • @slvpro
    @slvpro5 жыл бұрын

    She is a Philosopher of our time!

  • @emokiriemiabednegoabed2844

    @emokiriemiabednegoabed2844

    4 жыл бұрын

    Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number and social media handles with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

  • @usernotfound2471
    @usernotfound24714 жыл бұрын

    I've been watching a lot of her videos and work, I'm single right now, but I need to have a better knowledge for my next relationship.

  • @MarionWorldwide

    @MarionWorldwide

    4 жыл бұрын

    Usernotfound advice number 1 coming from my gd pa happily married 60 years : the other one will not change. What you don’t like about your partner will always be there. Focus on what you like and remember those are what made you fall for them. Advice 2 from me married 30 years “ is the grass really greener on the other side ? After all we are all animals and our survival instincts are what leads us mostly. In Cro-Magnon times females followed the hunter with the biggest piece of meat ( not biggest piece of dick but maybe ? ) because it could feed their family ( today wallet ) and males followed females with the widest hips because they could bear babies ( younger , pre menopause) for reproductive instincts. So don’t be judgmental of men or women. And knowing this will take a lot of emotional pain away .

  • @anamirchoff5049
    @anamirchoff50494 жыл бұрын

    She’s so authentic I love her.. if you really act on what she says your relationship will blossom... she’s the best!

  • @davidarbelaez4395
    @davidarbelaez43954 жыл бұрын

    I love Esther Perel. The cameraman not so much.

  • @Sandratchan1
    @Sandratchan15 жыл бұрын

    Someone once told me "Jealousy is fear of losing what you have ( or who you have to somebody else)" and "Envy is when you want what someone else has"

  • @jackheinz8479

    @jackheinz8479

    4 жыл бұрын

    a nice explanation but I must add that being jealous is loving the partner so much and wanting her/him sharing no with another person .

  • @pinrayi7909

    @pinrayi7909

    3 жыл бұрын

    @@jackheinz8479 that's obsession. Even mothers feel that with their sons wives.

  • @TheRana124

    @TheRana124

    3 жыл бұрын

    When someone takes our self before we even recognize that we have one, it becomes a theft of infinite proportions. Nothing to everything because an other has decided to do so? An other has decided to choose what someone will be? Without anything reciprocal being asked? Here, the individual can only see his self in the eyes of others and never has his own. No matter how much separation they get from the askers

  • @Gk2003m

    @Gk2003m

    2 жыл бұрын

    @@pinrayi7909 it’s more than obsession…. It’s possession. Ownership. Control. It’s a far far thing from love, which is liberating.

  • @ThievesInTheTreasureRoom

    @ThievesInTheTreasureRoom

    Жыл бұрын

    @@pinrayi7909 It's also jealousy.

  • @frankbankxxx3256
    @frankbankxxx32564 жыл бұрын

    This was a great way to listen to for long term relationships. The work home balance segment opened my eyes particularly to the laziness that creeps into long term relationships. As a man I sometimes forget I need the same if not more genuine game I had when I won her to keep her. But, at the same time I can’t expect her to just because I do. I always say, “Love is hard work at home.”

  • @VIsTheMusic
    @VIsTheMusic5 жыл бұрын

    It feels great to be kicked out onto the curb and wander about finding my one individual thing again that makes me feel so content. To walk, to wander about with no expectations again, really feeling my world around me and simply reveling in the observations outside of myself again. I return always to love and I stay with love, in it’s original loving place, deep down inside myself. No matter how treturous things got in my relationship, no matter how much vulnerability, shame, guilt, strength and solutions I managed to gain... I still feel I lost nothing at all after being kicked to the curb, let go, broken off, tossed away, forsaken, cast away... I don’t feel negatively about them. I chose to keep loving them and learning from my mistakes. They...... Simply became numb and shorted out from all the mounting stress, pain, confusion and strife. Which I have caused. I love too intensily, I become too dramatic and way too jealous, but there are rich lessons in all of that. Just be by yourself and don’t get in the way again, life is short and I’m almost near my mortality anyways why not just let it all go? Walk gently, even more than before, hang my head low and let all the tears drain out, till I feel light enough, to rise again. That is the true power of Love. You can’t get too high, but you certainly can sink real low. - Vi An MUSIC

  • @Paul-ir8qq

    @Paul-ir8qq

    4 жыл бұрын

    Interesting.

  • @0oohnegative
    @0oohnegative5 жыл бұрын

    Brilliant human. I love her mind.

  • @thehill8353

    @thehill8353

    5 жыл бұрын

    As a non-straight feminist women her ideology pervades her thought making her a conflict of interests and causing her to come up with stupid conclusions. Like all feminist they are active is 1st and professional 2nd. She only puts on a straight persona because she thinks it will hurt her career but she's probably has animosity for nuclear families.

  • @Umamixx
    @Umamixx5 жыл бұрын

    Thank you for sharing this!

  • @toddbowles
    @toddbowles5 жыл бұрын

    She's the best

  • @JamesCraigWhoop
    @JamesCraigWhoop4 жыл бұрын

    So true about leaving left overs when my family deserves my best.

  • @janeking4059

    @janeking4059

    Жыл бұрын

    At the same Time...at the end of a long Stressful work day...one can only give...so much...can't want it all .. people need to understand that as well... otherwise...make change in order to achieve both ..find a less STRESSFUL job...etc

  • @Borboleta1212
    @Borboleta12123 жыл бұрын

    This lady is a genius!! 👏👏💃💃

  • @yeahnah4303
    @yeahnah430311 ай бұрын

    thank you for uploading this beautiful peice.

  • @thevioletgirl17
    @thevioletgirl174 жыл бұрын

    I love this woman 🧡🧡🧡

  • @maimohamed3590
    @maimohamed35905 жыл бұрын

    Thank you for sharing this✨👌

  • @PineappleO

    @PineappleO

    5 жыл бұрын

    Thanks for watching, Mai!

  • @104mainrdjeanwwalmer7
    @104mainrdjeanwwalmer74 жыл бұрын

    Excellent!

  • @mariamkinen8036
    @mariamkinen80364 жыл бұрын

    I wish I got my intimacy back to normal. I am neither jealous , nor envious. I cannot trust as a result of all the hues of this crime. Thank you. Take all that you are given. The whole thing.

  • @AC-ny8ce

    @AC-ny8ce

    3 жыл бұрын

    I’m on the same boat 😔

  • @chrissemenko628

    @chrissemenko628

    Жыл бұрын

    @user-ey9or3fb8v ME too. I think my love and I are unraveling because of it as I type this.

  • @agatabielicki4331
    @agatabielicki43315 жыл бұрын

    She is the best! Always learning from her.

  • @SBKtvMUSIC
    @SBKtvMUSIC5 жыл бұрын

    Hi Olive. A great episode. I really enjoyed it.

  • @PineappleO

    @PineappleO

    5 жыл бұрын

    Thanks, Tanya!!

  • @elrikasmit3564
    @elrikasmit35643 ай бұрын

    Wow spot on and direct clear and calm. The end music was a bit hard to not judge😂

  • @ilana0507
    @ilana05074 жыл бұрын

    Damn damn damn, so many truths.

  • @madisonevans8275
    @madisonevans8275 Жыл бұрын

    Wow. Big wow.

  • @Chickenisfire
    @Chickenisfire Жыл бұрын

    Valid

  • @kurisktan
    @kurisktan4 жыл бұрын

    Americans doesn't prioritize love. Makes sense why the Divorce rate is alarming.

  • @davidthomspson9771
    @davidthomspson97714 жыл бұрын

    Amen

  • @793lefty
    @793lefty4 жыл бұрын

    She said jealousy is an erotic wrath. Not breath as it was subbed.

  • @Gk2003m
    @Gk2003m2 жыл бұрын

    1:50: it is quite literally insane for any person to imagine that one other person can be their entire world, or that they can be the entire world for another person. It’s a really poor strategy for long term companionship.

  • @Cheapers-Vac
    @Cheapers-Vac4 жыл бұрын

    My Lady was controlling me through "jealousy " !!! Holy Crap !!

  • @veemon
    @veemon5 жыл бұрын

    I love this GILF!

  • @leonore3349
    @leonore33495 жыл бұрын

    "erotic wrath", not "breath".

  • @nancygariche8523

    @nancygariche8523

    4 жыл бұрын

    thank you

  • @mariamkinen8036

    @mariamkinen8036

    4 жыл бұрын

    leonore33 yes, wrath.

  • @treasurefound1408
    @treasurefound14082 жыл бұрын

    I’m envious of her name - not what she does . OBVIOUSLY

  • @BeingShweta
    @BeingShweta4 жыл бұрын

    We love God, we are not jealous that God loves all of us. We don't expect or negotiate with God to just love one person. That's deal and not love. Don't be jealous, be love.

  • @Xarkom89

    @Xarkom89

    4 жыл бұрын

    Grooooan

  • @AC-ny8ce

    @AC-ny8ce

    3 жыл бұрын

    Doesn’t the Bible say that God is jealous of us?

  • @kcoker9189

    @kcoker9189

    Жыл бұрын

    @@AC-ny8ce it says he's a jealous God and doesn't want us to worship any other than him.

  • @joud9482
    @joud94824 жыл бұрын

    Someone to rewrite the question pls.?

  • @juliad9947
    @juliad99474 жыл бұрын

    My husband is one of those people who works a lot and gives everything at work and at home he just wants to be. I'm the exact opposite, my work is pretty dull so I concentrate everything at home and on him. How do we find the ballance?

  • @IEVAKambarovaite

    @IEVAKambarovaite

    4 жыл бұрын

    Would you like to have a job that's less dull?

  • @SHINGALING
    @SHINGALING4 жыл бұрын

    Inspiring. Just a bit distracting when I kept mistakening that man didn't put his pants on.

  • @hh7788ify

    @hh7788ify

    4 жыл бұрын

    me to hahah

  • @saradiakar329
    @saradiakar3294 жыл бұрын

    Is getting possessive to a certain limit is healthy or its completely unhealthy in a relationship...??

  • @pn1192

    @pn1192

    3 жыл бұрын

    I think it’s healthy to a certain limit, depending on the person, because it shows protectiveness and appreciation. Possessive partners often care more deeply about the others life (like my bf) and I’d rather that than someone who is never possessive so doesn’t care as much. For some it feels suffocating, for people like me, it feels like appreciation

  • @flarosecoulange8044
    @flarosecoulange80443 жыл бұрын

    She had me at, "Jealousy is an erotic wrath." 🤔🤔💖

  • @maisalreemm5361
    @maisalreemm53614 жыл бұрын

    Anyone know where I can find the rest of that last topic? The balance between putting others first and yourself first?

  • @jameswcoppedge
    @jameswcoppedge4 жыл бұрын

    UGH, when the subtitle is incorrect. Subtitle : Jealousy is an erotic breath. What she actually said: Jealous is an erotic wrath.

  • @tamanebp
    @tamanebp3 жыл бұрын

    The "sex is premeditated" comment leaves me with a question: How do you balance that with not making your partner feel pressured so they end up thinking "well you're only after sex right now"?

  • @kcoker9189

    @kcoker9189

    Жыл бұрын

    Is that the only time you're engaging in that level of interest and desire with your partner? Or do they have so much on their minds and plates that they don't have room for intimacy? I've found those are the 2 biggest barriers for couples being intimate on a regular basis.

  • @magspies
    @magspies5 жыл бұрын

    great to hear Esther Perel, but felt kinda invasive filming others attending!

  • @Bacalhoeira

    @Bacalhoeira

    5 жыл бұрын

    I second that!

  • @michaelohara7454
    @michaelohara74543 ай бұрын

    My wife (together 40yrs ) will not talk about her deepest feelings with me .😢 becomes unbelievably defensive brick wall😢

  • @deloisckarp734
    @deloisckarp7342 жыл бұрын

    hmm

  • @meri2824
    @meri28244 жыл бұрын

    She said "jealousy is an erotic wrath" not "breath"

  • @musicsnob4226
    @musicsnob42265 жыл бұрын

    Religion and Hollywood is to blame for a lot of that

  • @realiti773
    @realiti7735 жыл бұрын

    That guy forgot to wesr his pants?

  • @guitarpedalfirstlook6538
    @guitarpedalfirstlook65385 жыл бұрын

    Part 2 of this interview is here: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ha2ky7Slm6m9lMo.html&t=

  • @user-qe6rp9dt5f
    @user-qe6rp9dt5f3 жыл бұрын

    Yeah, like her for a lot od bright words, but after nun 1:30 I decide to skip. Imho it's just a question of personal style and attitude. Closeness and distance have both it's pros and cons. Don't belive in an objective truth there, but if it's fine for you where you are: congraz.

  • @icysnow57cold64
    @icysnow57cold643 жыл бұрын

    I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. Also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So sex isn't really a thing about romance. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.

  • @Californiansurfer
    @Californiansurfer5 жыл бұрын

    Me to movement

  • @Melly16yr10

    @Melly16yr10

    3 жыл бұрын

    The what? I’m not familar with it at all.

  • @amandabrisbane8716
    @amandabrisbane87165 жыл бұрын

    Erotic rage - not envy.

  • @jackheinz8479

    @jackheinz8479

    4 жыл бұрын

    erotic rage? what is that?could you explain it?

  • @biaten
    @biaten5 жыл бұрын

    Maybe use a tripod next time. Your hands is shaking making it hard to concentrate on what she is saying .

  • @PineappleO

    @PineappleO

    5 жыл бұрын

    Space was tight by front row seat. I thought I could get away with holding the camera. Too much coffee...lol I really appreciate your good reminder!

  • @starcrib

    @starcrib

    5 жыл бұрын

    🦖💨

  • @FeelGoodWithin
    @FeelGoodWithin4 жыл бұрын

    Lol

  • @thehill8353
    @thehill83535 жыл бұрын

    "Queer relationships"

  • @dagda3000
    @dagda30005 жыл бұрын

    Gender roles will not change. It can be seen in Sweden, the most gender equal country in the world. The career choices of Swedish men and women became the more "traditional" the more freedom of choice and equal opportunity came into place. In other words, if people have freedom of choice (including financial security provided by a social safety net), women will do female stuff and men will do male stuff.

  • 5 жыл бұрын

    Interesting!

  • @poopsmagoo

    @poopsmagoo

    5 жыл бұрын

    That's a mighty limited sample size, as well as brief longitudinal study, to generalized the findings to the world at large. Interesting findings but their credibility is weak.

  • @ixtahdanielac4922

    @ixtahdanielac4922

    4 жыл бұрын

    Sounds like anecdotal evidence

  • @tanyaostrovsky8896
    @tanyaostrovsky88963 жыл бұрын

    What a horrible filming of a wonderful Esther

  • @PineappleO

    @PineappleO

    3 жыл бұрын

    Half way through the talk, I got offered a front row seat! I decided to start filming so I can share it later-don’t have the tripod with me lol Hope you at least enjoyed the content! Thanks for watching

  • @k4ir0s
    @k4ir0s5 жыл бұрын

    Why is everything erotic to her? jealousy: an "erotic wrath", privacy: "erotic space". She's becoming a charlatan as she grows more famous.

  • @erasmusb.draggin2022

    @erasmusb.draggin2022

    5 жыл бұрын

    k4ir0s Allowing for nuance and _context_ really does make a difference in understanding the world better. Shagging the delivery guy makes sense in the context of porn. Talking about jealousy as an erotic wrath makes sense in the context of a talk on losing and maintaining desire in long term relationships, and strategies for dealing with the core issues underlying some instances of marital unhappiness and infidelity. If you never turn to private thoughts and fantasies, where does eroticism dwell in your mind?

  • @erasmusb.draggin2022

    @erasmusb.draggin2022

    5 жыл бұрын

    VKRGFAN I’ve neither read nor heard Esther Perel talk about why specifically narcissists cheat. Instead she focuses her advice on more-or-less regular couples where partners do not have severe personality disorders. Partnerships involving narcissists are outliers, statistically speaking. That leaves all the other people who might “cheat” for any variety of reasons yet are NOT narcissists.