1:11:40 When Leeann calls Bert about Ila. Your welcome.

@cabrionsander9087

2 жыл бұрын

thank you sm

@femmelaca6839

2 жыл бұрын

exactly what i came here for 🤣

@preezypatel

2 жыл бұрын

You a saint for real

@purnp5897

2 жыл бұрын

Insta brought me here

@KevinReillySV

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, you absolutely legend

Leeann calling mid podcast to tell Bert his daughter got busted at her all-girls catholic school for shooting dice is the greatest thing that's happened on this show lmfao 🤣

@Acesian

2 жыл бұрын

Didn't even have to say which daighter it was and I know it was Islay

@Henofmayhem

2 жыл бұрын

I missed it, what’s the time

@jguess06

2 жыл бұрын

@@Henofmayhem 1:11:40

@Henofmayhem

2 жыл бұрын

@@jguess06 thank you sir, I was at the 1:05:00 mark wondering how I missed it

@peepeepoopoowoowoo

2 жыл бұрын

I read this comment before listening to the podcast and thought you were lying. I am in tears

Bert talking about Leann’s healthy relationship with alcohol like she’s insane kills me

@xawesome1992x

2 жыл бұрын

Kills me too but not in a good way :(

I truly believe that Bart could throw himself a surprise party and be genuinely surprised when it happens.

@ricardozegers6023

2 жыл бұрын

who is bart?

@tobyscustoms4813

2 жыл бұрын

@@ricardozegers6023 he’s the one with the beard

@pengo369

2 жыл бұрын

@@ricardozegers6023 bart=burt

@pengo369

2 жыл бұрын

@@tobyscustoms4813 lulz

@kylesanders8276

2 жыл бұрын

Bret would completely forget he planned it a week earlier because so much story material would have happened to him in that time

I'd love to see a pack of wild motorcycles just cruising.

@Stereomike11

2 жыл бұрын

It's amazing sight to behold.

@SilleeJimi

2 жыл бұрын

That was one of his funniest word slip ups that I've ever heard 😂😂

@acmb6763

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@chobblegobbler2536

2 жыл бұрын

I think he was making a reference to steel*** horses aka motorcycles - it is Barf though

@chobblegobbler2536

2 жыл бұрын

@Anonymous IQ ok tik tok

Burt: I could go for a margarita Thome: I believe you

“Sorry if I’m spoiling the beans” is the most Bert quote ever

Bert is the king of “I’ll tell you off air,” or “we’ll bleep that out.” Tom probably loves it because he knows it frustrates the listeners.

@Lowclef

2 жыл бұрын

He knows that it’s gonna be the best.

@MarkElDeiry

2 жыл бұрын

Does Bert ever say what his great idea is?

@jasonpolski9966

2 жыл бұрын

@@MarkElDeiry I don’t think he does

@MarkElDeiry

2 жыл бұрын

@@jasonpolski9966 I ended up watching the whole episode. He never mentioned it. He seems pretty manic. I think he's great, but - as they pointed out - he's "a lot!"

@jasonpolski9966

2 жыл бұрын

@@MarkElDeiry agreed. An excellent comedian, but manic is a perfect way to describe him. On Bertcast, im convinced he can have an interview with someone metaphorically present and tell us what they’re thinking and how they are. He thinks he understands everyone and knows how they are, it’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. Let them talk man, Jesus. In Tom’s book, he talks about how his father would leave conversations when other people were talking to him….super rude but it makes sense that he maintains a friendship with Bert as that approach relates to Tom’s father. Bert doesn’t listen, he just waits for his turn to talk…sometimes he doesn’t even wait. Lol

I was worried Tom wasn't gonna let Bert talk this episode..

@InspectahReese

2 жыл бұрын

I admittedly used to skip through all of the ads now I only watch the ones Tom does just to hear his voice again

@carlosvejar3938

2 жыл бұрын

Tom does have that gift of nonstop chattering

@thebigarn

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao came here to say something similar Jesus what was he on it was more than us usual.

@zachleprieur2871

2 жыл бұрын

Sigh. Poor you. Watch tom talks and not two bears

@Aldizzo

2 жыл бұрын

@@zachleprieur2871 he hasn’t made one since last year so??

You know Burt is about to cry when he makes cartoon sound effects like someone’s slipping on ice.

@ErgoDreams

2 жыл бұрын

someone could make a cartoon with nothing but Bert sound effects and it would be some amazing Foley work XD

@CanadianTalkWithStephanPod

2 жыл бұрын

People who complain about his laugh sounds are just jealous of his joy.

@luffy101311

2 жыл бұрын

@@CanadianTalkWithStephanPod Been thinking about this, Bert gets waay too mich hate for someone so relatively harmless lol

@sativarosegold3604

2 жыл бұрын

@@luffy101311 he comes across if you just met him as jovial and probably sweet but if you analyze his character throughout all these pods it's all negative traits. He doesn't care about people's secrets or their boundaries, doesn't retain info on his friends or listen to them during convo, is bored unless talking about himself, no common sense, bad hygiene, bangs dogs

@robertcastaneda6162

2 жыл бұрын

💯%

Bert whispers the whole podcast then randomly screeches like a fucking owl and it blows my eardrums out. It’s great.

I’m a 29 yr old “broke dad” of 3 daughters. Thanks for the laughs every Monday.

@robstack3712

2 жыл бұрын

And these guys make insane $

@ricardozegers6023

2 жыл бұрын

how did you come to the conclusion that having all thies kids when broke is a good idea?

@joshuahusband597

2 жыл бұрын

Same young decision making skills that said to marry my ex wife at 22yrs old

@hdilie123

2 жыл бұрын

@Joshua Husband Hope you and your girls are doing well, man.

@daveh2612

2 жыл бұрын

@@ricardozegers6023 it’s always great to have tons of kids when you’re broke! 👌

"I'm riding next to wild fucking motorcycles" got me.

@TheMerksOfficialChannel

2 жыл бұрын

hahaha that killed me, Tom was loving it but didn't want to interrupt haha unlike his cool aid costar bertus interuptus

When Bert says he has a "brilliant idea" his liability insurance goes way up.

@alexanderjeromewhite2380

2 жыл бұрын

Bahah

@kensasaki2037

2 жыл бұрын

Tom has nothing but good things to say about Bert. So enduring.

@brienirving7573

2 жыл бұрын

don't worry it is always something like an idea of "i want this amazing thing that i have no idea how to make". ironically tom had a funny bit on that for his dumb cousin

@DekkarJr

2 жыл бұрын

There is no way an insurance company would give him a policy.

@youngw.a.r2709

2 жыл бұрын

Best comment on KZread

Bert talking about himself and making every single sentence about himself is the best running joke about this podcast.

Tom doesn’t even hide how annoyed he is when Bret cuts him off anymore 😂

Tom: How much of this weeks ep are you gonna talk? Burnt Krystler: Uhh hundred percent 🤡

@Tha1leeG

2 жыл бұрын

I read this comment in Berts accent (Uhh hundred %)

@connermurray6362

2 жыл бұрын

Tom: Sure

@joshnorthcutt88

2 жыл бұрын

Best comment

@bimbobagons4726

2 жыл бұрын

Don’t listen then

@thtswhtshesai6d9

2 жыл бұрын

I just counted and in the first 15 minutes Bert started 9 different stories and didn’t finish any of them.

Bert getting mad when his wife can control her drinking while he cannot is fucking hilarious. How dare you have one drink while i drink 10 🤣

@18Callahan

2 жыл бұрын

He’s so jealous that Leeann enjoys family, friends and a luxurious lifestyle. 😂

@Filiolus

2 жыл бұрын

@@18Callahan "How dare she be able to control herself, _AND_ enjoy life!" - Bert

@lylechipperson3407

2 жыл бұрын

Leanne and Christina both black out and get mean on like 3-4 drinks though. You can't compare the alcohol tolerance of a chunky mom vs bert. So I would guess if bert had like 6 drinks and leanne had 2, they would be pretty even as far as intoxication goes.

@customersupport6253

2 жыл бұрын

Why would anyone go out for one drink. No one feels anything after one drink so you’re poisoning yourself for no reason.

@kurt9034

2 жыл бұрын

@@Filiolus exactly it

The amount of times Bert has told the same story and Tom says hes never heard it before, just shows how much he tunes out Bert. That's why they have stayed friends

As an adult, it’s insane how often Bert uses the word “treat”.

@christopher152

2 жыл бұрын

What's childish with the word treat? lol. It's also from Tom he got that from...

This episode was a ride. Lol Trying to follow Burt’s train of thought is a mental workout

@thtswhtshesai6d9

2 жыл бұрын

It’s frustrating because he starts telling a story and then immediately gets off on a tangent then that tangent starts something else. In the first 15 minutes he starts 9 different stories when he was talking about taking Georgia home from the hospital

@rotinhellu-tube2737

2 жыл бұрын

Mental whiplash haha

@jefferyreagan7620

2 жыл бұрын

I love to think of it as a hilarious mental ride trying to follow his train as it hops from track to track

@billybuttons4298

2 жыл бұрын

I'm over this offing guy's schtick.

@nasimchowdhury1943

2 жыл бұрын

@@billybuttons4298 to be fair some of it’s played up, but for the most part it’s berts personality. His adhd heavily contributed to the tangents and shit, I do it myself all the time and find my self embarrassed when called out for it.

Bert saying “spoiling beans” instead of “spilling the beans” is so funny to me

@LorSTApunk07

2 жыл бұрын

What a nightmere.

@BPH55

2 жыл бұрын

Did you see the clip of him buying a cattle?

@dillondegarmo8240

2 жыл бұрын

Some other gem mistakes from Bert over the years: Newvember, heartlighted, Benna Fleck, misunderhearing, Breitling (when talking about Breitbart). I'm sure there are plenty more but that's all I got off the top of my head.

@seNor916x4

2 жыл бұрын

He’s been hanging around Brendan Schaub too much!

@kurtisdiston4851

2 жыл бұрын

Nightmeer

"I wanna be in the business of recovery"...Best Burt line ever!!

Bert describing in detail how he’s an actual alcoholic without realizing he’s an alcoholic

Bert just repeating how lucky LeAnn is makes me so glad I’ve never been that lucky

@victoriaarmstong322

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣

@L3onidas

2 жыл бұрын

LMAOOOOO DEAD.

It’s fascinating to me that Bert seems to think no one else sees Toms quirks that make him hilarious except for him lmao

@dntgvafuk89

2 жыл бұрын

Right lol Like he doesn't do it 100 times during these episodes to the camera 😄

@interovic

2 жыл бұрын

It's hilarious because it's the most/only visual thing that Tom does, so yes we all see it as well😅

@breadlytoasted

2 жыл бұрын

brant is a jealous boyfriend when it comes to tim

Hey there fellas! I'm just a typical mommy from northeast Ohio, my husband is absolutely obsessed with you two and Christina; he and I have seen damn near every episode of two bears, YMH and where my mom's at! Secret time, I couldn't begin to tell you how many time we've watch your specials. We were just listening and you were talking about how you wished you could make a foundation for working dad's. I'd like to tell you a little about my husbands life lately, and I hope you'll maybe just take the time to give him a call or shoot him a message, hearing from any of the three of you that he's doing well would really help with his self image, his view of himself as a husband and father. If you chose not to read further, I thank you for reading this far. My husbands name is Derek. Hes 26, raised by a single mom (his dad died before he was born) and his abusive brothers. All he ever wanted to be was a dad, and after three miscarriages, I was finally able to give him his first born two years ago, right before the COVID pandemic. Ever since he's worked two jobs, atleast 6 days a week, 10 hours a day 4 of those days a week. He's a fantastic father in every way he has the availablity to be. He expresses his love for me every time he can and every time I need it. He's truly a fantastic man, but he's so tired. He works this much to keep me home with the baby, so we're still struggling to do anything more then pay bills. All of our bills are caught up really, but beyond that we can't ever go do fun things, or take time off together, and it's truly defeating him. I just need him to hear from someone besides me how good he's doing, and that it'll get better. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have the time in your busy life to contact me back for his information.

@rigs5892

2 жыл бұрын

curious, did they ever make contact?(seems hit and miss which "content creators" read comments and which ones don't)

For this weeks episode of “Drunk Guy Ranting”, we catch up on Bert’s weigh gain efforts and hear briefly from Skinny Legend and Japanese chef Thomas Segura

“You’re never gonna find him on line…oh, wait,” is the biggest laugh I’ve had in a while, thank you, Brad.

@RandyWatson80

2 жыл бұрын

Nadav sure as shit isn’t that fast to google it

“This is going to sound like a delusional person” should be a warning before every episode.

@tjnucnuc

2 жыл бұрын

I think Wilco streams have dropped to near 0% after Burt saying he likes them.

@alaintavakoli4573

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🔥

@armandodelagarza2787

2 жыл бұрын

your comments on barts insta story

"I'm not doing just one" is such textbook alcoholism and Bart just doesn't realize it.

@GoodVibesHD

2 жыл бұрын

Relax

@retroliftsprs

2 жыл бұрын

The dude is red brah he clearly has too many.

@robotix2106

2 жыл бұрын

I mean or its an all or nothing mentality that could be indicative of some slightly deeper mental health issues that could exacerbate his inclination towards alcohol

Proud parent moment for Burt and Leanne !! Thank you Both 🇨🇦❤️🙏🏻

“In the Business of Recovery; now with cocaine and xanex” should be a coke-esque advertisement design with Bert as Billy Maze. I want that on a t-shirt

@thee_ricktorres

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣

@terpsurfer7221

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sure the berty bomb t-shirt is coming... "it's cocaine-esque"

@Last_Chance.

2 жыл бұрын

As you should

They could just replay clips of Burp telling these same stories the same way. "And then the horse high fived me." Tom even sighed hard during that motorcycle story.

16:25 “There’s nothing better than a cocktail if you’re hungover. That cocktail rightens your boat… I wanna be in the business of recovery.” -Bert Kreischer

Hearing about Ila getting in trouble for gambling at school has me in tears, absolutely losing it

The fact that Bart thinks he is going to out live any of his friends is so cute.

@tokyosandblaster4623

2 жыл бұрын

he already outlived brody. rip

@Last_Chance.

2 жыл бұрын

Adorable

@nsnbc6093

2 жыл бұрын

Bart Simpson doesn't age dude.

@prod.bynil-oh7440

2 жыл бұрын

​@@nsnbc6093 Well Hes on a steep decline

@generationgaming9087

2 жыл бұрын

@@tokyosandblaster4623 savage

Bert is the craziest delusional alcoholic I've ever seen. Love it!

"I could go for a margarita right now." "I believe you."

I'd love to be there when Barf confronts his daughter. He's going to go to town with this one.

Tom: "Hey I'm exhausted. Let's go home." Bert: "Yeah let's go home." Also Bert: "Anyway, here's 17 more topics that I'm going to rant about WITHOUT YOUR INPUT for the next 20 minutes"

Bert is looking extra tomato-ish today in the face

@dr.doppeldecker3832

2 жыл бұрын

He is getting ripe now

@Brilembi

2 жыл бұрын

Guy's health is complete shit and will remain that way until he stops drinking. Brent's days are numbered. You can literally see the high blood pressure lol

@sativarosegold3604

2 жыл бұрын

@@Brilembi his BP isn't necessarily high but could have alcohol induced rosacea and he probably lays face up in his pool. I do think he'll die soon though

@RolandSpecialSauce

2 жыл бұрын

@@Brilembi Bert will live to at least 140

The DiStefano Bertcast is my favorite one! It's such an important conversation for men ,dads especially, to see. Being vulnerable and open about your emotions is good and healthy and people look to you and others as role models.

The laughing in the back is the best😂 love it, lot others cut everyone else you guys literally make my day

Love imaging Bert cruising on a horse watching a herd of wild cycles!

I LOST it when Tom said “Dude, you remember Billy Mays?”

@jpmotovlogs996

2 жыл бұрын

Billy mays here with another fantastic product!!!!

@bootsiebarrington

2 жыл бұрын

“I’m Billy Mays, and this is OxyClean!”

You both are SO lovable in such different ways and it's so perfect when it comes to chemistry.

THE BEST PART OF THIS PODCAST HANDS DOWN IS THE CREW CONSTANTLY CRACKIN UP IN THE BACKGROUND 🤣🤣

"I just had a brilliant idea. I just had a BRILLIANT idea. Keep going." GROWTH

Tom says “alright I’m exhausted” Bert tells like 3 more stories.

Halfway in, and this episode's gold. Bert's on fire.

Bert's ADHD is on FULL display in this episode.

Bert thinking people in recovery need Xanax is essential Bert thinking.

"I'm riding next to wild motorcycles" Where is Bert finding wild motorcycles at?😂

First time I remember seeing Tom getting physically upset at Bert interrupting him 53:13

Bert looks like he's almost there talking about a recovery business and getting all emotional. Love you bros, great episode like always, best podcast.

Normally when someone says “I’ll tell you off air” I go “noooo please say it!” When Bert says that I’m like “eh big deal” 🤣

@joeyhampton5075

2 жыл бұрын

Because his “great idea” could be finding a way to freeze titos so he can have them in his ice dispenser

@seNor916x4

2 жыл бұрын

When Bert says that I’m like, “let’s all thank the lord for saving us 15 minutes we’ll never get back!”

@Wowreally42

2 жыл бұрын

@@joeyhampton5075 hahahaha this cracked me up!!!

@ziggykorn1

2 жыл бұрын

They did it like 4 times last week.

@TMFGOD

2 жыл бұрын

He ended up saying his idea on the pod... Recovery shot

We get to hear Tom talk during the sponsor spots 😂

Whoever is the guy in the background laughing his ass off - l love you!!!! Makes me laugh harder out loud at work 😜

I love how Bert loves Bright Eyes and thinks Tommy would like it too 😆

Tom asks himself this same question EVERY episode.... "why are we friends!?"

@passeddown9979

2 жыл бұрын

complimenting energy

@tytyterrell

2 жыл бұрын

It’s different this time since Bret Fatsher is realizing it in a delayed manner.

@JoeSmith-lr3fo

2 жыл бұрын

🤣😂🤣😂

@GettingNegative

2 жыл бұрын

Tom is not going to like Bright Eyes or Wilco.

@tonymarselle8812

2 жыл бұрын

The Seven figure paychecks ….

I’m here for the background laughs. 😂 always gets me when the crew laughs.

@donovan577

2 жыл бұрын

Especially when Leeann calls Bert to tell him Ila got caught gambling. I damn near pissed my pants

@caseyclair5528

2 жыл бұрын

Just made a comment bout this … it’s insane lol

@steveo3287

2 жыл бұрын

It's so fucking annoying

@HeyRoosty

2 жыл бұрын

The laugh is honestly a main character, this podcast is actually a trio.

@TheBinarySon

Жыл бұрын

Who's the biggest laugher back there? There's one that cackles at almost everything.

Bert you can be drunk while sailing, sometimes it’s even the whole point. You will be a great captain 👌

136 episodes and this is the first one I’ve watched in the afternoon. I’ve cracked the code- sober, 9-5, just trying to get through the day, I am Tom. 8:30 pm halfway through a 12 pack, I am Bert.

The patience of Tom with Burnt.... It really is the patience of someone who could be a serial killer 😂 edited: 51:13 👀

Welcome to the 136th episode of “Tim Listen’s”

Brent and Tim exploring their relationship was absolutely adorable and what I needed today🤣

It’s pretty neat we get to see Bret downward spiral every week, his mid sentence stokes are becoming more and more prevalent.

The thing I know about myself is that my love of this pod stems from the fact I want to be a Tom but I am a Bert.

Sometimes I wonder how Bert is alive and how he doesn’t drown looking up when it’s raining lol

@sourgummyworms8069

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@jeremiahbridges1189

2 жыл бұрын

I often find myself wondering how Burnt is still alive multiple times a week

Dudes is the background define me 😂😂😂😂 that's me lol cracking tf up!😂😂😂😂 I love both of them especially Bert man he is hilarious

I love Berts laugh when he’s still trying to talk he’s hysterical

it's incredible Bert finds a way to blame his alcoholism on LeeAnn

@ashtonormesher9682

2 жыл бұрын

Yer no one can enjoy a drink because I'm not drinking now .I've been through it and it's like watching me says all the same things as I did his life revolves around alchohol and its only going to get worse

@theverybuenokid

2 жыл бұрын

LeAnn is a lucky woman!! 🤣

@robotix2106

2 жыл бұрын

@@theverybuenokid facts shed still be with her kin friend on the two tracks if ol Bert didnt come around

I was waiting for Bert to say that a pack of Yetis were keeping pace with him while he was skiing.

The guys in the back absolutely kill me with the laughs

as someone who loves knives and has a ridiculous pocket knife obsession I got so pumped to hear a little knife talk from Bert. also the fact Bert is a huge bright eyes and wilco fan cracks me up. Bert is basically like every cute alternative girl with bangs that I went to school with in 2007

Bert: “I’d love not drinking” “I’m never on twitter”

i love how tom really starts having fun when he gets a knife in his hand

2 bears 1 cave is my favorite Monday pod!

I love when Bert talks about his drinking and ends with ya know like anyone can relate to Bert kreischers drinking habits

@fffraaankkk

2 жыл бұрын

Those who can relate are usually dead.

@robotix2106

2 жыл бұрын

@@fffraaankkk were on our way

@fffraaankkk

2 жыл бұрын

@@robotix2106 is that you Burnt? Lol

they should rename the show to "1 bear listening to the other"

When Bert’s untimely death rocks us all, will they still release the pre-recorded 2B1C episodes for the month?

@jacobverlee6891

2 жыл бұрын

I hope so

@tk-uo9mh

2 жыл бұрын

They should prerecord a funeral podcast

@minmatenx

2 жыл бұрын

fat

After an hour of Bert hogging the podcast, the MOMENT that Tom talks... Bert immediately goes on his phone.

This show is turning into where’s Waldo except we have to find Tom!

The deep breath and eye close from Tom after Bert declares " I loove not drinking" (26:03) shows just what a concentration workout it is to follow Bert when he's rolling... kills me every time!!

@Kazmodan

2 жыл бұрын

I had to watch that back a few times. Tom has so much restraint. Killed me

@samr131

2 жыл бұрын

It’s funny that Bert drinks every day when he’s not at home but blames his wife for his drinking when he is at home

@xawesome1992x

2 жыл бұрын

@@samr131 its not that funny. Just abusive.

Schultz releasing his special and his work on KZread during the pandemic was the BEST thing to happen for comedians in 2 decades. I have watched every special released on KZread since and they are all killers.

When Bert says he’s hard to enjoy I find that hilarious 🤣 I loved the guy from the first moment I watched him

Bert gathering his thoughts is as chaotic as a person grabbing for dollars in an air chamber.

Sometimes I think the show is edited and cuts to random parts when I just listen and don’t watch the video. But nope, it’s just Bert jumping from one subject to another abruptly haha

A recovery drink with cocaine and Xanax sounds nice right now

Bart is fucking wild this episode.

When Brock said “ I was riding next to wild motorcycles!” I laughed so hard. That would be an amazing skit 😂😂

Burp Chrysler can't help but interrupt. He gets so excited.

@Frank_Reynolds__.

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha I would die if someone on TV introduced him at Burp

@mikeylikey710

2 жыл бұрын

He’s like a faithful dog

Let’s all wish Bert a speedy recovery from the years of alcohol abuse 🥰

@dalelane1948

2 жыл бұрын

just get him on the instant cure alcohol recovery program (now with methamphetamine and cocaine)

I loved how Tom enjoyed Bert showing his emotions and talking about Wilko.

When bert says crazy shit, the control room loses it 🤣 hilarious

Bert fire hosed Tom throughout the show and damn near cried twice!

I don’t know who shuts down Tom’s speech more… Garth or Bert..

@Nohyp01

2 жыл бұрын

We need a chart

@rotinhellu-tube2737

2 жыл бұрын

Ones just a bumbling idiot who knows no better, the other is a malignant facist killer straining to cover up the truth Mr. Bunz has revealed and silence his freedom of speech!

I love that half way through both of you just name everything u love about each other. So cute 😁

I’m truly impressed Bert can talk on stage, it’s awe-inspiring.