Dm: your feelings for her aren't real! Those two: SHE'S REAL TO ME!

"You always have a turd among the chocolates." That is a fantastic quote!

Loved the "Glory Story". I hope the bard put on a bad cajun accent for the occasion: Cambion: "You will never defeat me!" Bard: "Au contraire, mon frere!"

How often do l make jokes about chemistry? Periodically.

Story #2: I have a story like that. Not the argument over a fictional woman, but a door being blocked by an argument between two people who didn't have enough blood in their alcohol stream. They were across the room from me, so I couldn't even hear what they were arguing about, but they were blocking three or four people trying to leave. Then one guy just walked up to them and shouted "HEY!" Before either of the arguers could react, the new guy held up one hand to them and began to wave the other people through, like he was directing traffic. He then started to direct the people who were waiting outside to come in. Once everyone was where they wanted to be, he himself walked through the door, turned around and said, "Okay, you may continue" using those exact words, then turned and left. I decided right then and there that I wanted to be him when I grew up.

That barmaid story might be one of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard of

@greenadderdotcom

Жыл бұрын

I heard the guy who wrote it is one handsome devil. Funny, too. Just a real scholar among men.

I remember going to Conventions at around that time. The ttrpg events were basically nerd rage corner. I literally passed their rooms and at each table everyone was screaming at each other standing up around the table and getting real animated in their yelling matches. Good times (too bad I wasn't into ttrpgs at the time)

#4 - First DnD I have witnessed a similar story. A cleric player joined a running game as his first game. The party encounters some bandits harassing people in the street. The barbarian and monk interfere. The barbarian goes first, but is too far away for a melee attack, so she throws a handaxe. The bandits go next and all turn their crossbows on the cleric, who, as far as they know, could just be an innocent bystander, instead of the deranged fairy throwing axes at them. The DM even acknowledges the cleric is not taking any kind of aggressive stance, by not allowing the cleric to have his shield equipped. The cleric goes down and gets permanent disadvantage on all charisma rolls from the injury and the player leaves the game. I can see how this would make sense in the DMs head, but it just does not make a good first game.

Turn the villain's castle into jambalaya. XD

DMs always underestimate the funny joke items/magic until they are used to dismantle the Big Bad's arsenal.

@jusstyno

Жыл бұрын

i had a bucket connected to hell itself. the resident demon got out. like they just smashed the bucket and it left. yeah fuck that bucket

What a fool of a dm. If you play rpgs with literal children you make a fun power fantasy game, or a chill cute game, what you don't do is expect kids to be grown adults. I've ran a few games, years ago, with 10-12 year olds and they had great time exploring a forbidden polluted zone, fighting mutants and finding ancient powers, saving a talking animal. They couldn't die but they didn't know that. Another time I ran one of the most unique game I've played when running a game for 3 young girl, around 10 years old I can't remember, and their whole game was running a magical animal shop where they would explore to find new beasts to sell. They loved improving their litte corner shop and decorate. It was frankly a much better game than many I've ran with adults. But yeah it's not perfect being a DM for kids either as they can get stuck on minuta that doesn't matter or lash on to things and want nothing to do with anything else. I should specify I ran these kids games for a organization that held camps, so pretty similar to the story.

instead of picturing drunks at a carnival the imagery that pops up for me is two male cappabaras trying to beat the shit out of each other.

Oohh Savage Worlds Rippers, and Kung Pow Enter The Fist... we have a connoisseur in there

To the OP of the Glory Story -- turning the bad guy's weapons and other equipment into jambalaya is the first thing I thought of.

Here is how I would handle the situation with the barmaid. I would have the barmaid say she will wed the one who can best her in combat. But really it's a trick as no true gentleman would dare strike a lady.

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

OH!!!! A thought just popped in my head. Barmaid is actually a Succubus. She uses the contest premise to get both of them to complete the three tasks to corrupt. Then at the reveal she takes their souls. This would so work.

@JustSomeDude42

Жыл бұрын

@@davidtherwhanger6795 once saw a barmaid mimic thing (wasn’t actually a mimic but wasn’t a vanilla shape shifter) that ate men who didn’t take no for an answer on one vid.

I imagine a neckbeard fight much like watching two hippos with fedoras on.

@starbird3939

Жыл бұрын

Hey man, don’t be insulting and African Land Dolphins! Hippos can tear apart Crocodiles.

@JustSomeDude42

Жыл бұрын

I feel like it’s more akin to two male elephant seals fighting in land. It’s pretty funny to watch that blubber waddle when three tons of flesh slam into another.

I love the 2nd story's narration, OP must be a lot of fun to hang out with.

@greenadderdotcom

Жыл бұрын

He's a great guy. The absolute coolest, I hear.

@YouW00t

Жыл бұрын

@@greenadderdotcom Too bad he's probably never gonna show up ever here on KZread. No, sir.

That Kung pow reference... Is that the one with the guy saying on an annoying nasally high pitched whiny voice 'I challenge you!' It's been something around 15 years since I've seen it....

@watcherofmemelords7967

Жыл бұрын

Yeah that's the one and when he got beat up he'd say, "I am bleeding therfore I am the winner."

Back in my 20's, tried DnD. It was soul-crushing. First dungeon, first door: Insta-killed by some beast because the DM stated my sword wasn't ready. Never played again. My adult sons now play though.

Savage world's rippers was a great setting a great setting. And the aspects of fate I've always had fun with. But the 2 players having a screaming match over an NPC was the funniest story.

The NPC romantic rivalry story should have been resolved by a song between the players; a duet of "The Girl Is Mine". Granted, they wouldn't have been as good as Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson, but at least it would have been less troublesome.

Well, this sounds quite amusing already. Story 1: DM license revoked. "But mah DMPC?" Story 2: What in the heck? Story 3: Wow, a rare one. A story that involves something that is not Pathfinder or DND. Has there bene any that involve Traveler or GURPS? Aww. Your Simba also has a black/ white whisker. Story 4: Oooh, DM vs player mentality. Yeah; these never end well. Story 5: Ohhh, this sounds fun. What is Jambalaya? I want a bowl now.

Story 4: Did 3.5 not have Death Saves? Sounds like that DM went way too hard on those kids, should've at least given them a chance to try again or make a new character since it was explicitly a camp activity.

@elizabethk8718

Жыл бұрын

No, 3.5 had negative HP instead. You died at -10 unless you had a feat or class ability that gave you a better threshold. When a halfway decent DM is running the game, it's actually a lot friendlier than death saves most of the time, though there is the occasional very unlucky crit that just gibs you. If an asshole DM decides to throw something several times stronger than the party at them, though, then yes, people will just die outright with no response time.

@dionysus_adores

Жыл бұрын

Yeah it's usually frowned upon to do that to anyone in the first session let alone little kids who never played. I would never dm for that guy who is willing to do that to a first time player because, he would be a problem player.

@fred_derf

5 ай бұрын

@@dionysus_adores While I agree with you on everything you said, the DM was a teenager and probably not mature enough to understand the implications of what he's doing. Give him a few years and he's probably completely fine. Or a murder hobo...

Not surprising. I've seen dudes online get into heated arguments over their anime waifus of choice, even to the point of nearly getting themselves banned. Don't know if they'd actually get into a physical altercation over it IRL, but passion has ways of making an otherwise rational person go batshit insane.

We had a good fight with an older married couple once. He ran to the parking lot and she sat on the balcony of the apartment complex with a huge can of dice, chucking them one at a time at him like a beachhead.

Honestly, love triangles with NPC's and PC's is not a bad idea on itself, I've played a game with me and other PC fighting over a NPC, I called the other player a husbando stealer, he called me a sore loser, but it was all in good fun, we play fighted for months every time the NPC would show up and are still friends, the idea of actually getting PISSED (like MAYBE a bit sad if you lose the npc I can get but PISSED?) that's a bit too much hun...

As a DM, if a player became that obsessed with an NPC and lusted after it that bad.... I'd kill it off. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it would be to see your friend genuinely hitting on you because they are so deep in their waifu delusions

Here's one I recall from Skydieray on weird items. Party gets item that creates porridge as long as you keep it active. Party finds dragon cave. Party seals all exits but one tiny and starts pouring in porridge. Dragon drowns.

@fred_derf

5 ай бұрын

Porridge congeals and plugs the hole. Dragon gets pissed, breaks out and kills party. Dragon keeps the bowl and doesn't have to feed on nearby villagers anymore -- everyone lives happily ever after. The End.

The girl is mine~ the doggone girl is mine XD

The true horror, the OP going to burgerking

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

Maybe he just wanted to have it his way.

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

Okay. Gotta say it. This is an absolute fact. All my taste buds agree. WHATABURGER IS BETTER THAN BURGER KING!

Arguments for the favors from non-existent woman falls lower than favors from an "exclusively online girlfriend" At least one scenario isnt completely hopeless.

Ah little Simba, so sleepy. g'night cutie pie. Thanks for another great week Doge!

13:09 THAT'S MY THEATRE CAMP! I'm listening to the description of how the days were set up, and I realized that's the camp I went to as a teen. 2006 was actually my last year there, but I didn't know they offered dnd that year. Though since I was a second year CIT it's possible I was working during the period it was offered. Overall it was a great place, but there were a handful of assholes among the campers.

Imagine seeing someone in a Goku shirt and expecting anything resembling normal behaviour.

The DM at Band Camp was horrible. You don't make the first encounter for a bunch of new players a challenging one. You give them a cake-walk so they can learn how things work without risking their characters (that's pretty much what giant rats and Kobolds are for, isn't it?). And when they say they're doing something that will end badly, you spell it out to them and give them a chance to change there mind. "If you run up and attack they'll very likely grapple you and pull your head off, perhaps try something like..." or "if you fire your ranged touch attack spell into a grapple you have a 50% chance of hitting your teammate and killing them, this other spell would probably be a better idea..."

I partially believe the second story didn't happen. The characters seem to fit into the stereotypes just a little too well, and the way the term npc was used in casual conversation seemed just a bit unnatural to me

ok your video game analogy, you just explained Twitch, watching other people play a game

I remember my first game of dnd, it was a big 7 player game done after school. One of our players was a half elf rogue who unfortunately died in the opening combat of Lost Mines, he took it pretty well and made another character who outlasted the others. The thing is though, every time that man plays a level 1 rogue, no matter what setting and no matter which DM, the dice always kill him within the first session.

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

Hmmmmm... Either the player deep down secretly (even possibly to themselves) doesn't want to be a rogue and subconsciously is messing it up. Or.... THE DUCKING UNIVERSE IS SCREAMING AT THEM TO NOT PLAY A ROGUE!!!!!

This'll be a nice watch while I'm having the runs and trying to relax.

14:41 A scrag. Against a 1st level party. Neckbeard is right.

Doge, where do you buy your chocolates? I think you should find another...

@DnDDoge

Жыл бұрын

I'm basing it on second hand knowledge. Chocolate would kill me.

How much of an nicel you have to be to fight over imaginary girl

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION!!! YOU MUST NEVER ASK THAT QUESTION!!! YOU WILL DOOM US ALL!!!

@JustSomeDude42

Жыл бұрын

*Waifu body pillows have entered the chat.

SAY JAMBALAYA ONE MORE TIME

I want some jambalaya, now.

Story 1: Oof. I hate when DMs don't utilize the potential of a DMPC. At that point play by yourself. A good way to learn the rules really and it can be a nice way to test content. Story 2: I can never get why people let a game affect them that much. Shows you probably don't have anything major outside the game and that is a concern. At that point ya need to take a step back. Story 3: Same as above. Either talk to the DM or leave the game if a ruling is that big a deal. Cause all you've accomplished is getting kicked out and alienating others that mighta been more open to playing with you. Story 4: Feel bad that happened, OP. DM needs to learn communication skills since I'm confident it wouldn't have been bad if he was honest about how deadly the game was (or actually adjusted for what the players wanted like a person with a nice score of at least 8.) Last story: that is just fantastic. Reminds me of a magic item I gave my players called the Muffin Button. Basically a box that conjures muffins, but actually just steals the closest muffin within range. So they used it to find cities and even found a fossilized muffin that led to underground ruins to explore.

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

Story 2: I think we can rule out anything minor outside of the game as well on this one. This is obviously their whole life.

The barmaid shouldnt have been leading them both on...hope she loses her job

we shall fight for affection of bar wenc... m'lady :D

Get invited to a game of Fatal Show up in my gimp suit to better get into my gimp character See crosses and realize I didn't get invited to play Fatal I was invited to play Faithful The Game of Salvation

Fighting over a fictional woman? Sounds like shippers in a fandom.

Great channel! 🐕🐈

Party jambalayaaaaa!

At least Skyrim has a multiplayer mod

the con story was written in the most "le nerd culture reddit" way possible. That was rough

Homogenous Horn Hush Amogus

Sleepy kitties are my weakness, just so cute

DM PCs are pure Wisconsin cheese. Never do it. It's like a congress person saying they won't do insider trading but knowing information daily that could change the whole market.

Story 2: Ugh, I have a similar story except it was two lesbians fighting over my cleric. See, my cleric had an abusive childhood, was very shy and humble, and disliked causing pain in any form if she could help it. So, basically a hot mess in a cool dress. She'd cry when she saw the aftermath of battle, write in her diary, praise her goddess, all typical cleric things. To those two though she was both their tree in need of climbing and funky kryptonite.. After a quick word with the dm I had her recalled to her abbey by her mother superior and I resolved a dashing rogue who was just plain lesbian repellent apparently. I was cool with that and the game got back on track lol.

I thought corpses became items?

@davidtherwhanger6795

Жыл бұрын

That depends on who gets to them first. Rogue: corpse becomes loot locker. Lizardfolk: corpse becomes dinner anyway. Necromancer: corpse becomes new minion.

ok Simba, im leaving a comment. i don't know it if it's helping.

I see it i click it

Fighting over a fictional female person. We’re do you think you guys our the comments section of deviant art our something. Ooooooooo woooooooooooooooooooo you got pawed dudes. Lol

First?

Amongus horror stories?

11:46 real violence is fun if you know what you are doing.