The fact that Pete left that whole bit with the mic in is just amazing, it makes me respect him so much. I wish all Television was this real and joyful. What a wonderful show.

@secret12392

6 жыл бұрын

No, he definitely planned on leaving it in, because he mentioned how the Orc joke was a hit twice.

My D&D group like me less because I misused the word Uruk-hai. Thanks Pete.

Pure unfiltered tv show. If i could see more of this i will be soo happy. OWN YOUR MISTAKES LIKE A DOG EATING HIS OWN VOMIT...THEN STARING DIRECTLY AT YOU PANTING.

I freaking LOVE this monologue!! I love coffee so much (the frappaccino, macchiato kind, as he mentioned/made fun of in this monologue), so I ESPECIALLY love this one!! The jokes were PRIME and the audio issues were awesome. :) Pete is just so great at everything. The end. :)

Petey is a fucking natural! In a perfect world, Conan would still have the Tonight Show and Pete would be next in line to take over the mantel...but nope, we have a couple of the C team from SNL running things nowadays over at NBC. SNL + NBC Late Night = RIP. Acronyms. Dig it.

@Will140f

10 жыл бұрын

More like the F- team. Fallon and what's his face are terrible

Pete if you're out there thanks for re uploading

I was a little worried there for half a second, but you pulled it out fantastic. Beautiful Petey.

I really love how hilariously he deals with problems - his improvisational skills are great! I wish there was more of this show (and that I could watch it in Australia)

ye but that one lady's laugh

@GhostDrops1

3 жыл бұрын

True that, and I think she’s a writer on the show.. I hear that laugh and other distinguishable laughs more than once

@jaket5751

3 жыл бұрын

Bruh now I can't hear anything but her laugh

I feel so nerdy to interject that Uruk-hai is a different race from orc and not the plural form. They're bigger and stronger and can be in the sun, unlike orcs.

@ricardosousa9567

10 жыл бұрын

but imagine how bad would it be to explain it like that. It was probably a good decision to say it like he did.

@Kipah

10 жыл бұрын

Was going to say the same thing.

@ShibbyMaster42

10 жыл бұрын

Yeah, they're... it's easier to explain it that way haha

@MrHumatang

10 жыл бұрын

Easier, but still wrong :P

@XavierGuillaume

10 жыл бұрын

But the plural form of orcs is orcs. Why make up something?

You look so happy all the time, Pete, and (almost) all of your jokes make me laugh out loud. Great work! I wished they had your show in Sweden. :)

I love this show

Pete Holmes is a real gift to humanity.

im so glad i found this show

You are fucking hilarious. Can't wait for everyone else to figure it out.

Great monologue

Best monologues hands down!

the man, the legend, pete holmes

But uruk-hai is not the plural of orcs. Uruk-hai is an advanced breed of orcs, and for your information - The plural of Uruk-hai is uruks.

@peteholmes

10 жыл бұрын

Ah, thank you.

@knedy

10 жыл бұрын

You are very welcome.

@GdoubleWB

10 жыл бұрын

Jk, man, respect.

@knedy

9 жыл бұрын

WoundrousMindTrick Hell yes I'm a nerd! But at the cons I'm like a friggin' Saudi prince, home skillet! I'm talking neck deep in that sweet sweet Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike ass!

@rmw.4079

7 жыл бұрын

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD

The problem behind drinking pure black coffee is that it actually requires good coffee. The terrible secret behind Starbucks is that their basic coffee SUCKS. I think that may be the real reason why they started putting in all the other stuff, so you couldn't taste their shitty ass coffee in it.

I love you Petey!

Uruk-hai are orcs bred with goblin men. but good enough for me, Pete!

"Robust!" 🤣

I drink my coffee black. Dark black. So dark and bitter it's like drinking a cup of HATE!!!

Don't you dare make fun of people who drink their coffee black! I for one love the taste of asphalt. And the cremated ashes of a group of Uruk-hai.

Pure, organic gold.

Love the show and great monologue. I think this episode needed a crowd bouncer though: there is a shrill loud laughing lady that is so distracting that I spent half of the monologue wondering what she is like as a person... Other than that, fabu! Wish I could return the joy and have Pete come out and pet our penguins. (Not a euphemism.)

@jakemyboy72

10 жыл бұрын

I fantasize about ending those kinds of humans with diabolical/disgusting laughs. Those wreak havoc at studies/work while concentrating, or just about anywhere public where something meaningful may happen. Prefer to take out not just them but their closest family first (kids and wife) before deciding on the main "laughing sound source". You know, make them suffer and see if they ever laugh again like that. If yes, trash them as well. Oh, just kidding :)

My girlfriend feels the same way that Pete does about coffee. I laughed so hard because I've heard her say such similar things before! This might have just become my new favorite comedy skit of all time. Thank you Pete Holmes!

For everyone not really into coffee: Try substituting milk/cream with vanilla sauce (the kind you'd pour on a blueberry pie)

You're cool, Pete

Oh my god. Technical difficulties are fuel for him. Most people would shyly go "um.. woah... hey that was weird." Pete is the quintessence of how everyone wants to speak publicly.

I really liked that full metal jacket reference. It was very clever

I drink 3-4 cups of black coffee a day. It kills me to admit it, but asphalt and the cremated ashes of uruk-hai sound about right xDDD

@Diabl05564

5 жыл бұрын

It doesn't matter what it taste like after a while. You just want the caffeinated fix your brain is addicted to.

I started to smell coffee while watching this 😂

wow! i love this show so much! :D he'll let anything happen live! :D

"Tea people ..... Can we trust them?"

Pete Holmes is a single solitary flower in a waste land of industrial lynchian landscapes..the flower smells kind of like patchouli which the worst of the flower smells.but still. It's a flower. Appreciate it.

Best part about this monologue - - - > Uruk-hai

Peedy Peedy Peedy, Uruk-hai isn't the plural or orc, they are an advanced breed of orc, that is completely different! We all know this Peedy c'mon.

@liamosullivan1451

10 жыл бұрын

orcs mixed with humans... just saying

@MrHumatang

10 жыл бұрын

lol i did not know that

@JakeTSnake7

6 жыл бұрын

These are no mere orcs. These are Uruk-hai! Their armor is thick and their shields broad!

@andremaines

5 жыл бұрын

Orcs used to be elves you know

I want that gift, lol.

@dennisbythewood4785

Жыл бұрын

Because it's funny, I wish I knew how to make those. And why not, Pete Holmes probably wouldn't mind. Someone make it n send it to him. I'm gonna have my 5th whiskey of the morning. Cheers.

Me that loves my coffee black, no sugar, the blacker the better: 🙃

@mandarina4157

2 жыл бұрын

I also love me some rooibos that kinda tastes like dirt, wow. I’m feeling attacked and acknowledged at the same time.

Gotta get that cup of Uruk-hai in the morning.

I had no idea what orucai was but when he explained it I was thinking.....oh, yeah, that explains why idk it lol

Me cago de risa!!!!!! Eres la resurrección del monologo xD

omg.. opening a tab to google urukhai exactly when he said "lot of people at home googleing it"

1:36 😂

I love coffee. The way Pete feels about coffee, is the way I feel about alcohol. It tastes like cough medicine to me. Beer tastes like bile. I have tried to acquire the taste, but I just am unable.

@existentialobserver6511

10 жыл бұрын

I used to feel that way about beer until one night I just said "screw it" and just guzzled from the bottle every time I went to take a drink. As the night went on (and my buzz got stronger), the beer became more tolerable and started tasting better and better. Beer was never the same for me after that night, but in a good way. However, for a long time after that I refused to drink beer unless there was more than enough to get a good buzz going. But now I'm to the point where I love the taste of beer so much that I'll drink it whenever someone offers even a single can no matter the brand. Now I have a saying that "There's two things that I never refuse: beer and money." (Meaning don't offer if you're not genuine just to "seem" nice)

Coffee doesn't smell great. It smells like sour ass. I hate coffee.

Teen gummy bears are strawberry...you'd think something like lime or sour apple but..... strawberry

ye, coffee tastes like shit, that's why it needs to be so hot black as night and hot as hell I only drink it for the effect.

@2:00 that's because American coffee is undrinkable death-water.

I like an apple a day 😂

Great genuine monologue. I hope he retires like Letterman one day.

eating post its? challenge excepted!

funny stuff

Someone get this guy a good capachino, maybe start him out with 1 sugar.

Don't trust people that doesn't LOVE black coffee! :)

@lonewolf6662

6 жыл бұрын

Deppa Jeg * people that do not love...*

it's funny how much he can look like val kilmer

@rosieperry7682

10 жыл бұрын

Yes, mixed with Stephen Baldwin (when he makes those silly faces - rolling his eyes into his head and making a goofy mouth).

What's the song on the background at the end?

I would drink Urukai coffee everyday... Mmmm made from the ashes of the decapitated corpses of Urukai that I have killed in battle .... Mmmm Tastes like Good over evil Tastes like Victory :)

Your teeth I like them

Just as the guy below me said, Uruk-hai ais the name of a different race of monsters that want to kill you. not orcs!

Is he still alive?

Americans say herbs really wierd

5:11 if you listen, you can hear a witch in the audience. she'll get you, her pretties.

Pete, '.gif' is pronounced gif, as in gif. NOT gif, as in gif. You're welcome!

2/10