So, just popping in 4 hours into the video being released to say we already hit the fundraising goal! Thank you all so much for your amazing generosity. The money can help so many people 💜🖤🫀

@chuni47

2 жыл бұрын

What about the sexual assault survivors at pride? Because it's it's much more than leather harnesses at least where I'm from. We got people with their dicks out in public

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

I mean, they don't really have their dicks out at pride. Because, you know, indecent exposure laws. But, any SA survivors who go to pride should do so knowing that the kinksters will be there. It's on them to decide if they're comfortable at an event that has ALWAYS been kink inclusive or not.

@MysteryCorgi_VN

2 жыл бұрын

​@@chuni47 Hey, I'm a SA survivor and I am also ace (these are unrelated, I was ace first.) I don't speak for everyone like me, but also don't use us as a strawperson for your argument, if you please. You may be coming from an authentic place with this question but folks like me been hurled under a metaphorical bus too many times, so please understand why I suspect you are being disingenuous. The "dicks out" part gives it away. What's important is for anyone who has trauma to be aware of their limitations and listen to themselves to figure out if they want to be at Pride. Our bodily signals can give you clues if you know where to look, like your pulse or if you get overstimmed and need to separate yourself. Sometimes I can handle events like Pride no problem. Sometimes I notice that I have an increased anxiety or intolerance for the crowds. Generally speaking this coincides with the trauma anniversary, so I try to be cognizant of it, but sometimes it can sneak up on me. Have I had n illness recently or am I stressed from work? Such questions are important to consider when working with limitations and trauma. I used to work for a local horror film event. I have a terrible fear of zombies, so when they did the ZombieWalk I just wouldn't go, because I know my limitations. If zombies popped up at the other events, I could walk away or avert my eyes. 95% of the time I'm perfectly content to avert my eyes from things I don't want to see. I mean I've done it all my life, and society doesn't seem to want to change anytime soon, so I make my own accessibility. For example, for me personally, Pride is child's play. Meanwhile everytime I go into an OBGYN that has photos of infants and pregnant bellies, I have to surpress my gag reflex due to my terrible case of Tokophobia. Add a pelvic exam on top and you have a recipe for misery.

@thehedsrambler7964

2 жыл бұрын

​@@chuni47 I am a sexual abuse survivor, like the poster above me. I am not triggered by people wearing leather harnesses or indeed any type of revealing clothing. I am triggered if someone tries to make a sexual advance or try to kiss any part of my body (not even in a sexual way - I'm triggered by kissing my hand, for example). But a bunch of people in revealing or tight clothing, in leather harnesses, etc? Not a problem for me. Whatsoever. You may be genuine in your question, in the same way the examples in this video may genuinely feel they are ace allies when asking if ace people will be uncomfortable with kink at pride. But do you see how your question puts sexual abuse survivors in the same position as it does asexual people when saying asexual people are uncomfortable with kink? By asking this question, you are not portraying yourself as someone who is trying to be considerate of sexual abuse and sexual assault survivors, but rather as a person talking over survivors of these things to fulfill your agenda. Survivors of sexual abuse and sexual assault know what their triggers are and what makes them uncomfortable. They will either avoid pride or find a way to accommodate themselves so attending pride would not be triggering/uncomfortable for them. We do not want to ban kinksters from pride or dictate what others should wear. I mean, I don't wanna speak for all sexual abuse survivors, but I'm confident what I just said holds true for the vast majority of survivors. In fact, many sexual abuse and assault survivors participate in kink, themselves. Not me, personally, but there is nothing wrong with kink, and therefore it is nothing to be ashamed of.

@chuni47

2 жыл бұрын

@@MysteryCorgi_VN I'm a SA survivor as well maybe I should've specified that and kinksters don't trigger me either I was simply playing devil's advocate

"but how do asexuals get in the mood?" We close our eyes and think about garlic bread

@muse5633

2 жыл бұрын

😂This comment made my day

@KyleEvra

2 жыл бұрын

Think about cake!

@princesseville6889

2 жыл бұрын

Hmmmm yes, garlic bread. Its so good...

@meio_feio

2 жыл бұрын

Damn that's cringe

@oppooopoookjgffghjookjjj4531

2 жыл бұрын

@@meio_feio this is just a meme, mate

And remember aces can still “self love” it can be out of boredom, stress relief, curiosity or any reason they feel like.

@alexres8327

2 жыл бұрын

Or because they do in fact can get horny!

@dragonetafireball

2 жыл бұрын

@@alexres8327 yea my list was originally a lot longer an included that but I’m trying to avoid my habit of writing essay long comments

@alexres8327

2 жыл бұрын

@@dragonetafireball Fair enough :D

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

I some times " love myself" when i am feeling insomniac, because it usually leaves me very sleepy and is a quick solution. And prob better than drugging myself with sleeping pills. So i guess, health benefits is another reason.

@dragonetafireball

2 жыл бұрын

@@notfunny1410 why? Not being attracted to people sexually doesn’t switch of physical functions and libido is a separate spectrum from sexually.

That bit about us being "ace enough" literally brought a tear to my eye... As a demi that felt very sex-repulsed for the last couple years and not so much now, it can be really disheartening to struggle finding your identity while others try to undermine it... Thank you, sir and your considerable collection of purple things.

@ileutur6863

2 жыл бұрын

But why do you... NEED an identity and a label to begin with? I just recently found out that the label of demisexual applies to me and I just don't care at all. Nothing in my life has changed now that I have something to call myself

@deathandcats

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 some people like to have the labels so they can find out where they fit, or don't fit. Their need for a label is just as valid as your indifference to labels. Maybe a label helps them, where it has made no difference to you.

@Kitsunary

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 It's probably the similar to how I don't care about the whole pronoun stuff despite identifying as a trans man because the part that bothers me is only physical. Some people are more bothered about being misidentified than others.

@beep3242

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 Especially when one is discovering themselves, it is useful to be able to find a community. People with common traits. In this case, that is asexual people. If someone who is struggling to find themselves gets pushed down and rejected by the community they may belong to when they need them most, they will understandably feel upset and invalid. It can cause serious issues as one explores themself. They might need guidance, people often come from a background of ignorance or even hate. A sense of belonging is important to many people as well, especially if they're already unsure. As one grows more sure of themselg and their own identity, the need for labels might go away/become less prominent. Example: If someone else of my gender tried to insult my gender identity right now, I'd brush it off, but early on I needed support from the nonbinary/trans community and would've felt very hurt by that. I may have repressed myself for fear of being an imposter. Gender is different than sexuality, but the same applies to my own experiences with sexuality (harder to give an example because my sexuality is a big ol' ?). Being able to throw away labels almost entirely is admirable, but not feasible for many based on where they are in their "journey," so to speak.

@SylumSolosEverything

2 жыл бұрын

I got invalidated by my own LGBT support group shortly after coming out as ace because of this belief and gatekeeping... I said I was ace, mentioned the s-word, was leaning into talking about the difference between desire and attraction (because I was feeling confused on the subject) but before I could, I got cut off and was never allowed the chance to finish.... I only went to one more group meeting after that and ever since then, I just haven't been interested in returning (aside from covid. That put a halt on everything.). People believe asexuals aren't being marginalized like the rest of the LGBT+ when in reality we are constantly being bombarded with everyone gatekeeping our validity based on who we do or don't sleep with. I've got a ton of baggage behind that notorious line "you just need to get laid." so much so that my anxiety spikes and festers in my chest just thinking about it. This video is super important and I'm super grateful that people are finally talking about it to shed some clarity but god, from a time when my identity was in a fragile state, comments like those really left some emotional trauma. So much so that even positive videos like these will remind me of those moments and trigger real episodes where I just feel nothing but anger and pain in my chest...and that pain interferes with everything.

Most of the openly ace people I know are in my kink community. That is not to say that ace people are more often kinky, but just confirm that kink and ace are compatible. It makes sense. Gratifying nonsexual scenes are standard things (even among non ace kinksters).

@watson483

2 жыл бұрын

I’m an aro bisexual and I pretty much only do kink non sexually And I know at least 4 of the openly ace people I know are into the kink scene.

@butterskutz

2 жыл бұрын

I'm trans ace and I too genuinely prefer my kinks without sex. Hell, if anything, kinks to me are more for relaxing, unwinding after a long day, rather than it be a sex thing. And it genuinely feels good too.

@youtubewatcher7957

2 жыл бұрын

Ace kinkster here, can confirm. (I've even known kinksters who were sex-repulsed, though I'm unsure if they'd identify as asexual.)

@celceusiguess

2 жыл бұрын

I've long known I'm both ace and big into bdsm, particularly being the dom, but I've always been afraid to admit to being both, always only talking about one or the other to different groups snd terrified that they'll tell the other

@Madhatter1781

2 жыл бұрын

For real. I get shit sometimes that my partner engages in kink without me, talk of me being a cuck (which is fine, if I were one I'd own it), when in reality she's just going and doing non-sexual scenes exclusively. Sometimes I go too and watch for fun. I'm not into some of the kinds of play they are, so I don't always go. It's not always about sexual gratification in kink at all!

18:46 _"it's always the allos speaking over us"_ This really hit hard. All the allos around me always feel like they can speak for me when someone asks me out or they always think I'm completely "a pure angel" when it comes to the topics of sex. I understand that they mean well, but sometimes it's really frustrating and it's really hard educating them if they're always dismissive of what we have to say. Stop infantilising us like that shit gets old real quick.

@blasphemyincarnate6498

2 жыл бұрын

But do they mean well? Dismissal and treating us as less reads more as a power trip to me. If I were for some inconceivable reason decided to tolerate normie bullshit and they tried that with me, I would get immediately and extremely hostile with as much sass as I could manage.

@whalienpippa

2 жыл бұрын

@@blasphemyincarnate6498 I mean, I _think_ they mean well? Some friends around me grew "protective" of me, and while that's sweet and all, I don't think they do it to oppress me or anything. I have educated them on what they make me feel like when they speak for me like that, it makes me feel insignificant and they quit that shi immediately. That's how I know they didn't mean harm by it. But I a 100% agree that some people will just be dismissive of you to disregard your sexuality and that's when we can go batshi crazy because NO ONE gets away with that

@blasphemyincarnate6498

2 жыл бұрын

@whalien pippa, the way I see it, even if they think that they're helping, actions that are inherently dismissive, and especially ones that they wouldn't take when being protective of another cishet vanilla allo, that definitively comes from a place of condescension. Most humans don't want to hurt puppies, want to protect them, even. Most humans also perceive said puppies as inherently lesser beings for not being a bald ape like them. I think this is at best that kind of situation.

@whalienpippa

2 жыл бұрын

@@blasphemyincarnate6498 wait now that you put it like that, it does kind of make me angry that i put up w it as long as i did. i know better now, thank you for taking your time to explain, i understand a whole lot better why i should have been more vocal about this. its enraging to think that people might see me as lesser just because i dont feel the same way they do. man this is frustrating

@LilChuunosuke

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I find that whenever the topic of asexuality comes up, allos around me, especially cishet men, will often speak over me and "explain" what asexuality is. Even when I'm standing right in front of them. Even when they're fully aware that I'm ace. While it is not my job to educate others, it's infurtiating when people will openly spread misinformation about my own sexual orientation right in front of me and I have to tell an entire group of people who are all in agreement with each other that they're wrong. Which often results in them attempting to "challenge" me, often by asking me how these scenarios pertain to my own sex life and using my sexual trauma and sex repulsion as a way to reinforce their beliefs and use me as a convenient model for what all aces are like.

Hi. Sex repulsed aroace here. This was actually extremely helpful for me, since I basically fit into the box most people put aces into, and I myself have never really understood how one could be asexual and still go about having The Sex. It wasn't until recently that I really put a label on myself as ace, and even longer after that before I understood the different spectrums enough to really define where I fit in, which I know can be hard for a lot of people. Since so much of this is out of my experience, it's been hard to understand, so thank you for this video. It really helped clear some things up.

@RWAsur

2 жыл бұрын

Fellow sex repulsed ace here! So glad this helped you, I can only imagine how much more enlightened I could've been 10 years ago if a resource like this existed easily available on a public website. Good luck in your travels and self awareness!

@Lucy666Fernandez

2 жыл бұрын

Another sex repulsed aro-ace! I am one too, ironically I do have a kink (without going into any details because, duh). There is no one right or wrong way to be ace, or even sex repulsed. Whatever your experience, is valid. Things can change or remain the same and any of it is perfectly normal and ok.

@lilicsuhany332

2 жыл бұрын

Sex-repulsed aroaces unite! :D I think you can never learn enough. There were new things in the video and comment section for me too, even though I consume lots of educational content. To be fair I'm so uncomfortable with sex and kink, that it's no surprise I don't know much about the topic, but these aren't the only things where I can learn more. Other people's experiences are the best for further understanding. :)

@margalitdienstfrey5908

2 жыл бұрын

I am aro ace too.

@meplays5269

2 жыл бұрын

Mh...how can we do it, you ask? For me, personally, I know that my husband quite likes to have Sex and i like him happy. Though i wont initiate much because i myself feel very indifferent about having or not having Sex. That said, i do enjoy the intimacy of it and that he obviously cares very much for me. So much so, that he really tries to make it as enjoyable for me as possible. And that is the one thing i love about it. As a sidenote: i am sensitive to smells and i absolutely hate all smells that come around during (or after) Sex. So vile....i can smell them on me for days afterwards. So most important for me is to keep those smells away and i can be much more happy about it.

As a repulsed ace, I can confirm it’s possible to experience arousal and kink attraction and be repulsed at the same time. It’s a difficult situation, because the arousal may not be welcome, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It’s not something you can just turn off, as much as one may like to. For me, I personally just consider it a nuisance.

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

I imagine it must feel like when you have a cold, your nose is blocked and can't taste anything or everything taste bad ( or when you have stomachal virus too) but you get hungry. Your body is hungry, but the idea of eating anything gives you nausea.

@niobedragones7347

11 ай бұрын

​@@nessyness5447dang, you know that kind of sounds accurate.

@Sienisota

11 ай бұрын

​@@nessyness5447that is a really good way to describe it. Libido can be so annoying and confusing.

@objectivelylonely3606

11 ай бұрын

I know this is really old, but as a repulsed asexual myself i just wanted to point out how TRUE this is! I took the BDSM test and got way higher on the kinks than any of my other lgtbq+ friends ( my one hetero friend got 93% vanilla, nerd/j ). Something i refuse to describe out loud simply because it disgusts me, but feel like needs to be said, is that asexuality generally refers to lack of sexual feelings toward other people. For example, i think its autosexual, that is sexual attraction to oneself and is often on the asexual spectrum! The feeling of pleasure that comes from sex is something asexuals can enjoy, they just dont feel attraction towards others in the way of "wow i want to have sex with them", and I think its something not a lot of people understand. I know some very, very, horny asexuals, who still wouldn't ever have sex with someone because they never feel like they should or need to. Something others dont often point out that I've seen a lot is something I like to called "Asexual Guilt". So many asexuals I know have what libido, and they get worked up, and I've seen friends beat themselves up over it to the point where their mental state is in the drains! It happens especially with repulsed asexuals, and its so painful to watch, and spreading awareness of the fact that asexuals can be horny people, or feel sexual pleasure, would help so much of the ace community.

@hdckighfkvhvgmk

11 ай бұрын

Yeah... I feel the same way too, except likely worse. To give you an idea of how much I dislike feeling arousal, one of my favorite things to say recently is: "FREE ME FROM THIS PRISON OF FLESH SO I MAY ESCAPE THIS PLAGUE OF MIND"

I've legitimately never heard of sensual attraction before, which SUCKS because (AFAIK) its the only one I feel, and it has consistently caused me stress as I try to understand my sexuality.

@litchtheshinigami8936

2 жыл бұрын

Similar issue here.. i only feel attraction towards nonexistent aliens in movies and tv… however if i think about doing anything with a real person it disgusts me

@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice

2 жыл бұрын

I wish you many cuddles

@littlewyzard

2 жыл бұрын

sensual attraction is really strong for me which really sucks cuz i’m also sex repulsed :(

@youtubewatcher7957

2 жыл бұрын

Sensual attraction is HUGE for me - as a sex-favorable ace, it's my primary way into sex. It's way easier to have a pleasant sensual exploration with someone that gradually transitions into "sex proper" than it is to just... jump into things.

@finnmonaghan4812

2 жыл бұрын

@@litchtheshinigami8936 huh, I never thought I would find someone with pretty much my exact sexuality holy moly. Yeah don’t try sex it was a mistake

I'm so glad the New King of Danmark, is my ace uncle.

@Crosshill

2 жыл бұрын

fuck now i gotta watch this video to know what the feck that means

@autisticatlas2223

2 жыл бұрын

Wait he's danish?

@autisticatlas2223

2 жыл бұрын

@TERFs don't deserve basic rights, and okay, thanks

@allen6592

2 жыл бұрын

so when shall i expect to see the ghost of the late king my father, telling me to avenge his death

@saragarofano6471

2 жыл бұрын

@TERFs don't deserve basic rights, and please allow me in

Also, as someone who watched horror movies as a child and had a blast, only to find out “oh, that movie had non-explicit sex in it” and had no memory of this, as long as it’s not an explicit image, most things go over their heads. The leather things would just be seen as a weird costume. Kids have less context than adults. That’s why spooky jump scares get them more than slow building environmental horror. Sorry for the rant.

@zoguy6988

2 жыл бұрын

You're right. If people are so worried about traumatizing their kids, then why are there horror movies for kids?? Coraline scared the crap out of me when I was 9.

@eleanor.shadow

2 жыл бұрын

Let’s also not forget that explanations and contextualising things also helps. Adults used to be super “afraid” that explaining being gay would also traumatise children, when a simple “some boys like other boys and some girls like other girls” is more than enough for children to understand and be perfectly ok with it. We like to complicate things that are super simple for young ones!

@redravenriot3650

2 жыл бұрын

Been to pride since I was little, didn't pick up on the sexual inuendo of the poledancing harnass guys, just thought it looked cool. By the time I realized, I was in puberty anyway so no protecting that mind anymore. Kids really are not going to pick up on this, or at least the majority.

@valkeakirahvi

2 жыл бұрын

Been to prides here but never seen pole dancing or harness guys

@trickytreyperfected1482

2 жыл бұрын

@@redravenriot3650 unpopular opinion but I feel like I have to disagree with you here (if you're making the point I think you are... if you aren't, ignore me I guess): kink has no place in public pride parades. Why? Because it is in public. If someone uses pride as an excuse to parade around the streets naked or in very little clothing, that has nothing to do with being proud of how they identify, nor is it a pleasant image for about 90% of the people there. By flauting your kinks you're disrespecting the majority of people at pride parades who may not be into what you are. Let's say you're a gay man who has stripped down to just a pair of briefs (and usually less if we're being honest); how does that make all of the people who aren't into guys at the pride parade feel? Pretty uncomfortable. The second main point does have to do with children at pride parade. Young children don't need to see that (whether or not they understand the context behind it), and while pubescent children should learn about stuff like that, that's something they should be exposed to in their own time if/when they feel like it... they shouldn't be forced to see guys in puppy gear just because they wanted to go to a parade to celebrate how they identify. The third main point (which doesn't really matter all that much) is that it alienates the public more towards lgbtq+ people than they already are. Not that I care what those people think that much, but remember that people's opinions on the matter can matter a ton (e.g. who they vote for, what they teach their kids, etc). All-in-all I've never understood why people feel the need to flaunt what they do in the bedroom out in public. Put some clothes on, go join in the festivities in an appropriate manner, not everyone wants to see your junk. Like I said, I know this is an unpopular opinion. I'm prepared to get flamed in the replies because of it.

Explaining how libido and attraction are different made me so so happy. I’ve never felt the need/ desire to do any sexual act with anyone, even people I’m romantically attracted to. Whenever it comes to mine via intrusive thought, it grosses me out, but I do have a normal/ high libido, and somehow that’s always made me think I’m less valid, because I’m not “ace enough” so thank you, this made me, and probably countless others feel more comfortable in their skin.

I appreciate having the term aesthetic attraction. I don't think I've heard that one before, but have experienced it plenty.

@StayInspyred

2 жыл бұрын

Preach!!! I was questioning my aceness since I clearly find people attractive. I just don’t want them to touch me. (Well, maybe eventually if I learn they’re beautiful on the inside too)

@MysteryCorgi_VN

2 жыл бұрын

@@StayInspyred I've always put it like this, when people are confused or try to "gotcha!" me about not actually being ace: "I have eyes, and they appreciate what they see." Also I kept thinking about how various kinks are aesthetic and it makes sense, at least to me, to appreciate them for what they are but not necessarily wanting to touch.

@kjarakravik4837

2 жыл бұрын

@@MysteryCorgi_VN Exactly! I always compared it to looking at a beautiful painting or a sunset. Just because I gasp and stare at it doesn't mean I want to fck the sun

@themadkitkat9302

2 жыл бұрын

ive joked with my friends about how ill literally call people 'aesthetically pleasing' in my head like you would to one of those satisfying pictures of places that are just *chefs kiss* i can describe what i think as good looking but used to be worried that people would think im calling them attractive in a sexual way instead of just 'they look nice and i appreciate it'

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@kjarakravik4837 the way i explain to my friend is like ," when you see a guy you like what do you think?" " He is hot/sexy" " Well, when i see someone i find attractive physically , what i think is that they are beautiful or cute"

I'm glad that people are talking about the asexual community and hopefully we can spread awareness that we exist

@audio4642

2 жыл бұрын

You guys are really valid even though I'm not an asexual or in any spectrum of it I still support you guys

@bluebobman6152

2 жыл бұрын

@@audio4642 you have no idea how much people like you mean to us, much love

@audio4642

2 жыл бұрын

@@bluebobman6152 I mean it's normal for people in the lgbtqia+ community to support other people in the lgbtqia+ community

@a-disaster5285

2 жыл бұрын

@@audio4642 nah, maybe in theory but aces were rejected by both communities at some point as a "joke" so some are on guard. Doesn't mean your words aren't appreciated though

@jetsofaqua2206

2 жыл бұрын

They should really teach children about being asexual in sex education or something. I still feel pretty alien like I’m sure many asexuals do when we have to explain it to people who don’t see it as possible or natural.

Ya got me with that ' second smaller towel ' bit lol. Real talk, this video was glorious. As someone who is a asexual, sex positive, kinky, and also sex indifferent/repulsed, it gets exhausting having allo's argue constantly that Aces can't have sex because then they're not asexual.

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

If it was only allos. I had an sex repulsed asexual woman, argue me in a video about asexual representation in media, that if you have sex and enjoy it under any circumstances, you are not ace, you are just demi. And i was like, giirl, there is a difference between not being attracted to a music style but wanting/not minding to listen to it for x reasons. And not being attracted to that style except for this one song that really gets you emotionally and you feel the need to listen to. But not even with the examples, she kept insisting that was not it, asexuals can't have a libido and there are no asexuals who are sexually active and happy. All of this because i said that if they bring back florence in next seasons of SE. It would be nice to see her in an asexual romantic relationship or even the struggle many asexuals go through to make a romantic relationship with an allo person work ( since florence expressed that she wanted a romantic relationship , so she is ace but no aro). And because i said the...how was her name, the girl ends with ola, the one obsessed with alien porn. I think that one is a sex favorable ace or a cupiosexual, let me explain : She spends her arch wanting to have sex,and she tries it with a lot of people she is not actually sexually attracted to because the reason she wants to have sex , is not sexual attraction, is that she doesn't want to be the " left behind virgin" , and that she is curious to know how it feels in order to express it in her alien porn comics. That sounds to me like someone who is interested in and wants to have sex for reasons independent of sexual attraction . So yeah, because of that this woman started to say that her way of being asexual was the only way, and that everything else was " tumblr nonsense" and not valid.

@theproudcanuck3119

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 *heavy sigh* It's always unfortunate when you get ace discourse from within the ace community, like we somehow don't get enough of it from everwhere else... But I suppose you're going to find misinformed and terrible people everywhere you look. Sorry you had to deal with that! All of my sex favorable/high libido aces are valid, and it infuriates me when people try to claim otherwise.

@zuzanabartekova4823

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 Lily. The alien porn girl is Lily. I can't wait for the new season, September 17th can't come soon enough

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@zuzanabartekova4823 thanks! That was it Lily. Yeah i really want to see what topics they will treat in nex season. I think it would be good if they introduced a trans character, they are a show that would do it well.

@zuzanabartekova4823

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 from what I read there should be a non-binary character. But yeah, I'd like to see a trans character who are maybe struggling with their identity, I think that SE could handle it appropriately

This was just aces! (Get it?😏)

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

I don't, could you explain it, LK?

@FriendlyKitten

2 жыл бұрын

Woo! My other fav content-creator. Less-than-three!

@peacefulleopard8016

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidJBradley I just want to say briefly....THANK YOU, YOU PUT REAL SUBTITLES!

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure. As far as I'm concerned the video is not complete enough to release without them.

@Ladyknightthebrave

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidJBradley Because when something is great people say it aces! But also aces as in asexuals??? My mind is rife with stupid jokes today

Your intro sounded like: ladies, gentlemen and bees. And I love it. Petition to call enbies bees

@peacefulleopard8016

2 жыл бұрын

Well we are...N U M E R O U S B E E S.

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

❌ Male ❌ Female ✅ Bees

@Ssure2

2 жыл бұрын

@@peacefulleopard8016 Well, 'they are' is a conjugation using the plural form (instead of 'is' like for he, she and it) so of course all enbies are secretly a plural. (In case it wasn't clear, I'm joking of course)

@magicalgirl4

2 жыл бұрын

we're enbees!

wow as an asexual who likes being tied up this video was such a weird experience for me. admittedly I haven't really looked into the rest of the ace community much but I had always kinda resigned myself to being something of an odd one out, so the third chapter of this video was somewhat eye opening. first time I've ever heard the topic of asexuals and bondage come up when I wasn't the subject. if I had to guess it's probably still not a very big intersection of identity and interests, but maybe I feel a bit less isolated with respect to it.

@katherinemorelle7115

2 жыл бұрын

I’m a sex repulsed asexual kinkster. This video really made me feel seen. Personally, being tied up is more of a by the by thing to me, as my thing is impact play- but impact play is safer when you’re tied up. No chance of getting a hand in the way. It makes perfect sense to me that plenty of aces would be into kink. I relate my liking of it to running. For me, impact play is like an intense massage, I like the feeling, and I like the endorphins that I get from it. Before I was disabled, I used ro run a lot. Because I liked the physical sensations, and I liked the runners high that I’d get. It’s the same chemicals, the same high. And yet, people think of kink as inherently sexual, but not running. To me, they’re very similar.

@Ishasgirl

2 жыл бұрын

I would suggest looking into Evie Lupine. she does kink/BDSM education and is also asexual, so she covers it in some of her videos.

@naneneunmalklug4032

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. I always thought I had do decide one or other and that I couldnt be both.

@caprisun-addict

2 жыл бұрын

@@katherinemorelle7115 i’ve never heard of the concept that kink can be nonsexual. i’m trying my best to grasp it, but is it possible you or someone else could explain it a bit more? if it’s just something that simply makes you feel good and doesn’t arouse you, isn’t that just…a thing that makes you feel good? not kink? for example maybe someone likes the physical sensation of taking a bath or showering. that’s not really a kink, wouldnt that be something that makes them feel good?

@lucidragon5260

2 жыл бұрын

@@caprisun-addict I can't speak for everyone, so this is only the experience of one ace person, but for me I do sometimes feel arousal when I'm tied up, I just don't want any sex to go along with it. I think that is what makes it "asexual". We aces can still be sexually aroused, the main thing is that we don't feel sexual attraction to other humans the same way.

I’m glad you are bringing up the fact that all asexuals are different, asexuals are not anti-sex work or sex negative and that sexual things esp at pride arent inconsiderate to ace/acerepulsed people. I’m ace-repulsed/averse and boy I sure do not like seeing highly explicit sexual material or explicit jokes. Yeah I’m gonna be uncomfortable but that is not going to give me the right to bash people for being into things. Like as long as I’m not involved with the acts then sure, do whatever you want.

@TheKarret

2 жыл бұрын

I think you mean sex-repulsed, not ace-repulsed. I will say though, that as a rather sex-repulsed aroace myself, the idea of a highly sexually charged pride event is extremely unappealing to me and I don't want to go to one because that sounds like an unpleasant experience, which does kinda make me feel left out. Not to say there shouldn't be particular sections that are dedicated to the more explicit stuff - I'm totally on board with that idea; but just the thought of it being everywhere is very unappealing, and thus I feel like I don't really belong there.

@henryreed4697

8 ай бұрын

​@@TheKarretI feel exactly the same way. You have expressed my own thoughts and feelings on the matter perfectly.

@addonexus2656

7 ай бұрын

@@TheKarret The pride and overall LGBTQ+ community is very pro sex-positive and has a habit of being very inconsiderate, unaware, and misunderstanding of people who are sex-repulsed. The community is overall only accepting of asexuals who are sex-positive and will reinforce them in their beliefs and behaviors. It exists for a reason, and those people deserve to have a voice and space to share their experiences, but the thing that frustrates me is that they attempt to advertise it as a safe space for everyone when it just clearly isn't. I have met many other people under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, primarily the elder community consisting of Lesbian and Gay people, who also do not feel safe or comfortable at the rallies or in the community because they feel that all of it has been widely overtaken by sex-positive bisexuals. The Free-love and free-sex movements are not the same, but lately the free-sex movement has tried its best to completely smother free-love by appropriating the language and spaces.

"Being ace enough" is such a good point. Last year, I realized and came out as an Ace. Before that, I sought out Forums about Asexuality and reazlied that, while the vast majority of people were supportive and encouraging, a vocal minority performed a good bit a gate keeping, trying to adjust labels with a lot of scrutiny. I do believe that this happens out of good intentions but since I became aware of this, I see aces being insecure about their ace identity everywhere because of gatekeeping. If you don't feel/experience sexual attraction you are on the ace spectrum. Anything else is just part of your indivdual identity that can't be defined by a reductive label. Thank you for the video, I feel so seen by your work. You've gained a subscriber. Keep up the good work!

I'm so glad you have videos like this. I always struggle to "justify" my ace-ness while having an allo partner and engaging with them (and being okay with it) so, thank you so much for what you're doing.

@micapaez4601

2 жыл бұрын

@Noodle hi! Allosexual is someone who isn't asexual. So basically if you are not ace, you are allo! I hope it makes sense!

@micapaez4601

2 жыл бұрын

@Noodle no problem! It's very nice of you to be here learning about asexual people's experiences while being allo, by the way. It really shows that you love her! I know it makes me happy knowing that my partner tries to understand and respect me like this too, so I think your wife is really lucky! Thank you for being an awesome ally!

@Baby_Dinosaur323

2 жыл бұрын

OOF same here

"If they don't experience sexual attraction how do they get in the mood?" You can actually learn to make... those parts of you... do their things without experiencing sexual arousal or attraction. This is mostly useless to people who experience sexual attraction because they usually have to worry more about accidentally doing so than purposefully doing so, but it is a thing and you can in fact do it and it doesn't in fact require anything other than a bit of practiced muscle control and intent.

@Crosshill

2 жыл бұрын

or you could just let ur monke brain get in the mood and then try to join in with all ur cerebral brain bits, some of us arent monke deep in ace i guess

@v.s.4470

2 жыл бұрын

I was so confused when I heard that, I don't need sexual attraction at all in connection to arousal and I didn't even think other people needed it. I feel like I've been living in another universe for all my life :,D

@TDAbiber

2 жыл бұрын

To get me in the mood it takes some time ( so much more than my partner) , I just have to turn off my brain and focus on the feeling. Just like another comment said " Let the monke brain get in the way" If I think about it more than 1 second I will get turned off... It's not pleasant

@Crosshill

2 жыл бұрын

@@notfunny1410 most aces prolly do it so I'm not sure what's ur point, maybe specify what you're uncertain about?

@katziliaf

2 жыл бұрын

Plus there is other excitement. Libido can play a part, plus just chemistry.

goddamn i love the way other-david just ceased to exist there; that's some good filming(/timing/scripting/etc.)

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

David B will return... maybe, I dunno

"In my Christian Minecraft server!" Lmao.

Thank you for this video, I'm a sex-favorable greyace person who honestly hasn't felt super comfortable in the ace-spec community due to the constant jokes about ace people hating sex, especially after all the self-reflection I did that led me to realize that I was sex-favorable and the only reason I've been so uncomfortable with it cause I was raised as a Christian and was told that sex is Always Bad and I Should Feel Bad if I want it. I get that no one ever meant to make people uncomfortable with those jokes, but I also can't change how it all made me feel.

@amiesce

2 жыл бұрын

oh wow are you me? jokes aside, I still haven’t found my label on the ace spectrum, but I’m an ex-fundie and also the child of first gen asian immigrant parents who literally refused to define the word “sex” for me when I asked them about it. I’m not averse to sex, so for the longest time I was so confused about whether I was ace because I couldn’t tell if it was “just because” of the conservative way I was raised and if I’d “grow out of it”.

@savvivixen8490

2 жыл бұрын

greyace... that vocabulary seems to fit me very nicely rn. Regardless of the encouragement and new knowledge I'm learning about myself and the community, I'm still terrified to say I identify as ace: not because I myself don't accept it, but because of the dog eat dog invalidation I've witnessed in the lgbtqa+ community. I don't feel like being further invalidated for *yet* something else... I'm tired.

I get so tired of people getting into the kink at pride discourse because it's always started by 4Chan and other adjacent groups purposely stirring the pot (and there's posts that prove it). Regardless, excellent video. I know of a couple ace people but never asked them questions since they tend to get hit on online so it frustrates them, figure I wouldn't want to add to their stress.

@ariadne0w1

2 жыл бұрын

I love talking about myself, so hit me up if you want to ask an aroace person questions.

I said it before but as a demisexual (possibly biromantic?) who's always questioning her queerness, *thank you*. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone, I am aspec, and that's ok.

@adhdhikaru

2 жыл бұрын

Same here! I’m in a relationship with a heterosexual man, and i often find myself questioning my sexuality sometimes since me and my relationship aren’t obviously queer.

@thelingeringartist

2 жыл бұрын

@@adhdhikaru just wanna let you know you still are a valid member of the LGBTQ+ community even if your partner is not a part of said community

How you tie the rope is also important. Always use knots that don’t tighten more when pulled on

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

Unless they tell you ace is not a real thing, then you may do the opposite. ( Jk)

At the kink at pride stuff: naturally this shouldn't be a kid's first interaction with the sexual world and if it is, that's just a failure on the parents. Sexuality (not just orientation, but also growing up a (potentially) sexual being in a sexual world) is a very difficult thing as a growing kid. Parents should be there at every step of the way to help them make sense of it and giving a framework the kid can grow on.

@Madhatter1781

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, imo, kink inherently belongs at pride. It's a festival celebrating sexuality. End of story. Not only that, the original 'Pride' was a damn riot. Kids do not belong at riots. This is a politically subversive event, and saying it must behave one way or the other is asinine.

@Purplesquigglystripe

2 жыл бұрын

It was for me but it was fine. No trauma there

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

Lots of parents don't talk about sex or sexuality or anything sex related to their children. Ppl will learn in other ways and they will be fine. But honestly why do you think sex education is talked about a lot, there wouldn't be a need to advocate for something that already exists just fyi.

David, this is really going to help the community. I am in so many ACE FB groups. Most of us are walking around feeling alien and broken. I’m Demiromantic and Bisexual. I’ve learned a lot about my Aceness through a Queer lens and my own research but so many of us are lost. I am going to share this in all my Ace FB groups.

As a cishet guy I found this video very helpful and informative. I didn’t grow up around a lot of LGBTQ+ people and I feel like this kind of info isn’t really enough available

For me personally, I think of sex averse and sex repulsed as different things. For me, sex averse is basically like, I'm okay with sex and it can be okay in media and stuff as long as it doesnt involve me in any way, whereas sex repulsed is basically not wanting to be involved or see sex in any way(though you could still be sex positive and be chill with it for other people obviously,, you just wouldnt want to be in a situation in which it comes up even if it doesnt involve you) (Also,, thank you so much for explaining the difference between sex positivity or negativity and sex favourable, indifferent, averse and repulsed,, a lot of people don't realise they're not the same things)

@mirrorandimage

2 жыл бұрын

Same, the two of us consider oursleves sex-averse: it happens in life and media and stuff but Please No Not to Us, sex-repulsed always reads to us as Nobody Should Have Sex Evar

@GroundThing

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I agree with that and also feel more sex averse, though it's something I feel some wiggle room on (for instance, if I was in a committed relationship with someone for whom it'd be a deal-breaker to not have sex, and wasn't comfortable having a semi-open relationship, it's something I feel I could compromise on), so I might be somewhere in between indifferent and averse.

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@mirrorandimage sex favorable : sure let's do it. Sex neutral: meh, not high on doing it, but if i have to..okey, but don't make it too much of an habit. Sex averse: you do you , but don't do me. Sex repulsed: just don't.

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

The way you describe sex averse sounds like aegosexual 🤔

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 😂😂😂 thank you, I may quote you or um borrow this.

I suffered from hyper sexuality at a very young age due to trauma. Because of this, I became incredibly sex-repulsed. During my tween years, due to my repulsion to sex - and me just *not* experiencing any sexual attraction - I came to the conclusion that I was ace. However, as I recovered from my hyper sexuality and gained a natural libido, I found myself becoming less and less sex repulsed. This terrified me. I was afraid that my lack of repulsion somehow made my asexuality invalid and fake, and I was especially afraid that it meant my hyper sexuality was returning. This video has been so comforting to me in reaffirming my asexuality because of this, so thank you.

Omg this is amazing. Also yha i hate it when others say asexuals are all sex negative. It’s annoying and false.

As an Ace Kinkster: Thank you for your "the jacket comes off" take on kink at pride. (And the broader, much more insidious issues behind it.) I'm glad to see someone speak on it with the depth and intensity it so richly deserves. May the cake be forever with you, oh future King of Denmark. One more, often overlooked issue with the "think of the children" argument, is the fact that children need positive representation as much as anybody possibly can. This is an ongoing issue for everybody in the larger community. Especially the ones in groups that aren't as accepted or visible yet. The argument has been leveled at every single one of us at one time or an other, it was BS then, and it is BS now. Those who argue that it's somehow okay for one specific group or an other, to be singled out or left behind, shows themselves for what they are: Idiots at best, corporate plants at middling, and deliberately malicious saboteurs at worst. We can't keep letting this BS go unchecked, or those who wish us harm will hang us all, one purged, denied, erased, or abandoned orientation at a time.

@ileutur6863

2 жыл бұрын

Cringe take. Its not about the children, no one wants to see anyone's extreme kinks out and about. That goes for straight people too, literally everyone is uncomfortable when someone is too sexually open with their partner in public.

@aosagi79

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 That is a cringe take indeed. And a textbook one at that. We're talking about Pride here: People getting together to show support, protest, celebrate and commemorate. By it's very nature, there will be people who dress provocatively, even controversially. It's not a spelling bee, nor an open air santorum factory on roller-skates, no matter what some people like to pretend. And out of curiosity: Would you consider Pearl Clutching an “extreme kink”?

@henryreed4697

8 ай бұрын

What about sex-repulsed asexuals? You say that it's wrong that people have been singled out, but what about the sex-repulsed asexuals? I get that kink and pride have a very interwoven history, and I'm not trying to humiliate or Invalidate the lives of people with kinks. I'm also not trying to say that having kinks is bad, I just feel uncomfortable being exposed to it, and I know I'm not the only ace person who feels this way. But I think some discourse around sex-repulsed asexuals being at pride is needed. I'm not trying to be a puritan here, I just want to have consideration with this discourse.

I remember being hurt when i was told i didn’t belong in pride or queer space because ace don’t count apparently. And than when my friends said that “It’s just cause you didn’t find someone yet” well i tried dating relationships would constantly end because i wasn’t lovey or sex forward when i let them all know before hand…which i would like to tell people don’t date people that say they are “okay with it” than guilt trip and push you I had to learn that and deal with it for a long time after just leave. In all honesty don’t even date people just to see what’s wrong with you. I’m in an good relationship now and he cares and does give me the space i need and be intimate comfortably ☺️

@lilpretzel5629

2 жыл бұрын

In all honestly asexuals should stop taking scraps for this fake inclusion bs cuz we are treated like a joke.

@AndraJapan2

2 жыл бұрын

@@lilpretzel5629 Well for a long while i said fuck pride and everybody but that’s not everyone though and this was when I was figuring out things on my own. But the main point of my comment wasn’t inclusion it was personal experience it’s be careful whom you with as my experience lead to instances of abuse and sexual assault while i was vulnerable in my relationships. But I agree that there needs to be more done with that crowd that treats it like a joke with barely any respect and that’s why i avoided pride and every single thing that supported it because why am i helping people that think we playing but i’m older now and honestly if we don’t fight for more than that scrap we never will be anything but a joke.

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry you went through that, there's so many ignorant ppl out there and it's not even the ignorance that's a problem it's the close-minded part that comes after you try to educate them on your sexuality and experience. I also feel like there's more pressure put on girls/women bc the right guy or right "penis" will somehow fix you and guys like to think they are rescuing a damsel when there is nothing to fix. Anyways I'm glad you are in a better place, relationship and around ppl who see you and hear you and just accept you. Thank you for sharing 🥰🥰🥰

"In MY Christian Minecraft Server???" It's been so long since I've heard that. I missed it.

I am absolutely delighted by this video. I love hearing about my community and learning more about myself as well. I'm a sex-repulsed ace who is very sex positive and is actually into kink. It's the safest way for me to enjoy that kind of activity and actually doesnt trigger my repulsion. I know it's a rather private thing but I figure that if I feel this way, then there might be others who feel the same and want to give them some kind of rep.

@katherinemorelle7115

2 жыл бұрын

Also a sex repulsed kinkster. I really like the public kink events at bars, because the kink is allowed, but sex and nudity are not. It just makes it a very safe space for me.

So uh we are a DID/OSDD system, all of whom find ourselves on the asexual spectrum, and we want to say Thank You. Because everyone seems to think we are all sex repulsed because we are ace, but only one of us in the system is sex repulsed in any way. We find ourselves invalidated regularly, and as a system are glad to hear you saying what we spend every day thinking.

@thelingeringartist

2 жыл бұрын

@@notfunny1410 You are such a pathetic troll it’s insane. DID is an actual thing,go take a psychology course.

@ClockworkBlade

2 жыл бұрын

@@notfunny1410 yea we. We are a DID/OSDD system… y’a know 8 people in one body bud? Just put here livin our life to the fullest, y’a gots a problem with us talkin bout ourselves and bein happy? - Alex

@ClockworkBlade

2 жыл бұрын

@@thelingeringartist I ain’t one to be too nice and thankful normally but… thank y’a bud, for stickin up for me and my system. - Alex

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

Hey, you and your system are valid and welcome here 💜

@ClockworkBlade

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidJBradley Thankies! It is nice to has safe space here! And your community is the pretty coolio! - Alia

Sexuality is so complicated! I identify as stone, which is a lesbian/sapphic identity that connects to gender and sexuality in some fascinating ways. Great video.

@StayInspyred

2 жыл бұрын

Soooooooo complicated!! My own sexuality is so layered. Just wanted to say that I’ve never heard of stone so I’m going to look it up. The more you know ✨

@politiqueen420

2 жыл бұрын

I'm wondering if there is a word that describe a pan/bi homoromantic (or mascromantic?) person now. Which is what I am.

@ileutur6863

2 жыл бұрын

You do realise you can live your life without giving everything dozens of labels? Have sex when and how you want to, or don't, its really not rocket science

@StayInspyred

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 if you don’t need a label, don’t use them. For some of us it helps identify why we feel differently and how it associates to what’s real for us, what we wish in our heads are true, and that there are others that can both identify and empathize with where they and others are at coming out. The labels are helpful to me as I’m still figuring it out. I’m not even going to give you a thumbs down. You don’t deserve any more attention than this. And that’s all this is, attention seeking. Check yourself.

@sigmascrub

2 жыл бұрын

@@ileutur6863 you have to understand that a lot of people cling to their labels because before discovering it, they were just labeled as "weird" and over a long time, that's really alienating. Feeling like you belong to some group is a powerful feeling, especially if you've been deprived of it your whole life. Of course, it's important to not be defined by your labels, but just having them is a reassurance that there's nothing wrong with you.

This has made me come to terms with my asexuality. I've been so hypersexual my whole life that when I finally sat down and processed why that is and worked out stuff through therapy that I realized that I'm actually ace. I expiernce a shit ton of aesthetic attraction but I was always sexualizing it in the past but now I'm able to not and that's awesome. I'm definitely somebody expiernces sexuality, I'm definitely personally intimate with myself and enjoy content of the matter. I'm also a kinkster but don't wanna engage in sex. This video made me feel seen & validates, thank you.

I feel like the lines between sensual attraction and sexual are blurred due to how different cultures and individuals all have their own ideas of what is sexual. Like I’m either a sex repulsed ace or a sex indifferent gray ace because I don’t know anymore. If someone gets satisfaction from a non sexual act and that satisfaction is “akin” to what is “felt” from sex is the attraction to that act sexual???

@jclyntoledo

2 жыл бұрын

um I'm going to say no but I'd like an example 😂😂... If you mean you feel some excitement and it raises your dopamine level then no that does not make it sexual. I feel like what makes something sexual is if you do something sexual associated with it. Basically if you make it sexual then it is.

Less than 30 seconds in and im already cry laughing... at the joke, not the topic. Much respect to the creator for the handling of this topic 👍

I identified as ace since i was around 14 years old. I was so happy when I learned that there was nothing wrong with me because everyone around me just seemed to have this stuff figured out. My only mistake was telling people. I got sexually harrassed all the way through high school because people tried to "fix" me or tried to make me come out as gay, which would have probably been more accepted than being ace. Shoved me right back into the closet and thinking something was wrong with me. When I came out as trans too, people thought: oh, he's just ace because he hates his body. Now I like my body but I'm still ace, just not a sex-repulsed one anymore, leaning more towards indifferent or even positive at times. I still struggle with the bit about being "ace" enough because sometimes it still gets to me that it might just "click" for me after enough time after my surgeries has passed. So thank you for your kind words.

As someone who is both acearo and feel arousal along side having kinks I've always felt like someone who shouldn't be, like I was some ace freak. To know it's actually normal made me cry, I feel like my years of fear of admitting both sides to myself or others were so silly

I'm so glad you talk about kinky aces too!! I felt like a 'weird' kind of ace because I am pretty much sex repulsed/neutral but I feel arousal from my kink, glad to know it's not just me!

I recently started using the grayace label for myself, so watching this video hit different. Thank you for everything you do. I am so happy to have an out and proud ace and aro to watch on here 💜

Mu biggest problem when it comes to the kink at pride discourse can be summed up in one quote "and if you don't want your kids seeing that, then, don't take them to the pride parade honestly." Kids can BE LGBT+. Kids with parents who maybe aren't jive on a whole lot of the community with kids who maybe don't have the queer friends or support groups to remedy this. Ones who MAYBE want to find peers their age with similar lived experiences who don't have any other outlet for that. The progenitor of this year's discourse even said kink is fine as a subsection of celebrating pride but that the bulk of the public celebration should be all encompassing because there are many young people who may be deprived of any and all community over this. A community they deserve to be a part of. Most pride parades don't have a public kink section during the parade/festivals until after kids should be home anyway, but the sentiment remains because we should care about unity, solidarity and inclusion especially with our newest members.

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

I get it, but tbh i wouldn't take small kids to the pride anyway, even if there was no kink. For the same reason i wouldn't take them to a concert in a stadium, Because small kids + a big crowd, is not a good combination, they can get easily lost or hurt.

@thelistener5440

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with you and I think most pride parades should be like this: just a section, and maybe later during the day. As a teenager, I was very much sex-repulsed, and I still am, although it might change to indifferent. It's maybe more the media's fault with what is shown of pride than pride itself, but back then I never felt comfortable approaching this community because of this very sexualised image, and also my parents would have NEVER, although it would have helped me a lot. I would still not feel comfortable going to pride I guess. I think just saying "But it's a protest/event of celebrating sexuality and kink inherently belongs there" is just an argument too quickly made. The reality around LGBTQ+ has changed, and in my opinion it should be more inclusive/family friendly. That's my biggest issue with this video and other takes on the topic with the same conclusion, because as a sex-repulsed Ace, I actually DO feel that way and faced this exact problem.

Also, thank you for explaining the kink at pride thing, i've never gotten a good explanation, so i was against it mostly based off my own sex repulsion and children's attendance. I forgot that children tend to have blinders on, and I myself forget seeing them moments after walking away. Thank you for explaining it, unlike others who just yelled at me for not understanding.

David taking the chair and sitting down is perfect.

I'm glad he's finally comfortable enough with both his sexuality and his online presence to make a video on the ins and outs (😉) of asexuality! This channel has come such a long way and I'm so proud to have seen the audience growing with every upload! Keep up the great work!

There are a couple of ways I explain my own aceness (as an example of aceness in general) that I have ready in my proverbial handbag to pull out and explain to a confused allo: 1) Aces are attracted to men in the same way that lesbians are, and attracted to women in the same way gay men are (And we're also attracted to nonbinary and genderfluid people the same way); we can love people and want them in our lives without feeling sexually attracted to them, and 2) Imagine that you're at an extended family reunion, in a rented country house for a long weekend; however you may feel, emotionally, for each of the people there, you can't think of them as a potential sexual partner, for _you_ -- your brain just can't slot them into that 'category' -- even if you're perfectly happy for any sexual people who are there who are enjoying _their_ sex life (such as your newly married third cousin and cousin-in-law). Now imagine that the Rented Country House is "Planet Earth," and the Long Weekend is "your lifetime."

@bunnykatzen

2 жыл бұрын

I like your first explanation of what asexuality is. I have seen a few people on the internet remark that before the term "asexual" became well known and used at large, a lot of asexuals actually identified as bisexual since their feelings towards other genders were the same (indifferent/nonexistent). I'm not sure how truthful this comment is as I've not been in the community before "asexual" was a widely used term. But thinking about it, it does make sense if people used terms already known to them instead of finding a different one.

@CapriUni

2 жыл бұрын

@@bunnykatzen ~nod~ I identify as pan-queerplatonic, myself (I use "pan" instead of "bi" because gender doesn't play a role in my attraction at all, as far as I can tell)

@bunnykatzen

2 жыл бұрын

@@CapriUni that's cool! I call myself demi-romantic pan-ace, but it's such a mouthful and most people don't need to know that many levels to my orientation lol. In short, I just call myself ace or queer depending to whom I'm speaking to and if queer is a term they're comfortable using

Great work! Now, finally a good in-depth video I can send instead of my rumbly explainations on being ace ("well, look: this is how it's for me, but I feel like you're asking a general question, so there's this whole number of experiences other ace people have, that might be very different from my experience") to all the curious acquaintances. Thanks for working consistently towards awareness and visibility of ace and aro folks out there!

I don't know why youtube put this in my recommendations (I really don't) but I'm glad it did. As an ace still trying to figure myself out this has been very informative and enlightening. Thank you.

"Asexuals like purple too much!" Me: (dreaming of dying my hair purple)......

In my kink community I've found, it feels like such a huge community of ace-spectrum identifying people. It's so weird to hear the no kink at pride thing because it really pushes a lot of asexuals from the queer spaces even more so than it is already. Kink really helps teaches people about consent and how to form a great community - sexual or not. And I think it's even more so important for young people to see you can be ace and kinky because I struggled with that so much, until I started realising my core beliefs of sex really were still aligned with other non-kink asexuals. Saying just "think of the asexuals at pride, they'll be so offended with the kinks" is vastly insulting.

@Cuprite1024

2 жыл бұрын

While I personally would be kinda uncomfortable around that stuff with others, having a while blanket statement like that pushing that all people on the ace spectrum will feel that way is stupid. Some people would be perfectly fine with it, others would be a bit uncomfortable with it. It depends on the individual, not the fact that they're ace. So, yeah, despite my general discomfort surrounding sex (Outside of my bf (Demi af)), I definitely agree with you here (Even if before I didn't understand the whole kink at pride thing at all (This video helped explain some of that to me)).

@Coonasscouture

2 жыл бұрын

@@Cuprite1024 but kink is not sex. But honestly all prides should have a 18+ section for those who aren’t old enough or wanting to be surrounded by it. That would solve a lot of the kink at pride debate real quickly and create spaces for everyone who’s involved and wants to participate

@Cuprite1024

2 жыл бұрын

@@Coonasscouture Ye, that'd be a good way of going about it. That way, everyone wins! Lol.

@henryreed4697

8 ай бұрын

I mean, I'm a repulsed ace and honestly I feel like I'm being pushed out of pride and such because I feel uncomfortable with stuff like kinks and sexual stuff. I'm not trying to say that people with kinks are bad or anything, but it feels like the voices of repulsed ace who may be uncomfortable with kink are being pushed out.

@Coonasscouture

8 ай бұрын

@@henryreed4697 If kink isn't inherently sexual and you're still uncomfortable around any of it, then maybe you should find some time to self-reflect. Kink can be a lifestyle, can be art, self-expression, self-idnetity and can be a great way at creating lasting friendships. You even fail to acknowledge the comments shortly following about how even just a specified space for kink would be fine as well - thus creating a space for those who wish to not even see it. Replying to this thread with just saying "I feel uncomfortable" really reduces a possible conversation. While pride can be inclusive to all and forever growing, work has to be done to challenge even queer perspectives. There's a huge portion of gay men and women who think that Trans should be excluded because it makes them feel uncomfortable. And while transgenderism and kink are two vastly different things, both are heavily rooted in the history of the queer liberation and pride events itself. Both have earned a place still in modern pride.

Being someone who is very much not ace, I’ve always found it a rather difficult thing to wrap my head around. Recently a good friend of mine came out as ace and this video helped me immensely when it came to actually understanding what that means.

With all the stigma and misinformation around asexuality im so happy that someone is able to explain properly and dismiss certain rumours and or common beliefs about it. Thank you I can’t wait 🖤🤍💜

Wish I found this guy years ago. I defined myself as Demisexual for 7 years because I didn’t understand sexual attraction and ‘self fun’ are separate 😅

Thank you once again for being the positive ace representation on KZread we're so desperately started of! I almost always don't "feel ace enough" because despite being a virgin, I'm a very sexual person and enjoy being sexy and flirting with the ideas and aesthetics of sex. When I tell people I'm demi they never believe me, and sometimes I don't believe either due to the nature of my sexuality meaning I have felt sexual attraction before (if only twice ever). I often wonder if I'm just tricking myself into thinking I'm ace, and this video has been a lovely reminder that I am the only authority on my sexuality. I do not find anyone attractive unless I've developed a deep connection with them first, therefore I am valid in my identity and nobody can tell me otherwise. Amazing video as always ❤

Thank you. As someone who doesn't really underatand ace, since its so far away from myself, but wants to learn about other people's experiences this was very informative.

People: why yall like purple so much? Aces and nenbys: w w we dont like it thaaaat much. *says that while showing off there purple collection

@genera1013

2 жыл бұрын

I still consider myself lucky that my flag consists of my favorite colors. Black, grey, and purple!

@kaylawoodbury2308

2 жыл бұрын

Colress Joltik is really cute

@peacefulleopard8016

2 жыл бұрын

Purple *is* my favourite colour....and then I realised I was ace and my family was suddenly incredibly suspicious of anything purple I owned.

I feel... really validated now. Thank you

@Kiwi_DeFruit

2 жыл бұрын

As you should! :D You were always valid, you are and always will be, not matter how you change over time.

Dang this video changed my perspective on kink at pride. The allos got to me. I'm a sex-averse ace and I always thought that kink was fine, I just didn't want to see it (still kinda my mindset but it used to extend to pride). Now I realize that being proud of part of your sexuality, kink included, is what pride is. And no one is having sex in the streets, they are just vibing. I still probably won't go to Detroit pride bc it's apparently full of kinksters and I know my limits, but my limits are my own, I know what I can take and I should be aware of that in situations that involve sexuality. I'm not gonna force my limits on everyone bc that's dumb. Going to pride to not see sexuality is like going to an amusement park when you get super motion sick. Like, you can go for your friends if you want, you can go if you are interested, but you can't complain when your friends want to go on another roller coaster. Sometimes you just gotta sit one out and thats OK.

I really enjoyed this video! I fall into aegosexual territory, and I can get a bit of imposter syndrome about enjoying sexual content (so long as it's away from myself) so seeing videos explaining and validating the various shades of sex positivity in the ace community is just really nice to see :)

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

I consider i fall a little in the aego too, but i only enjoy fantasies when i use an oc or another character to represent myself. So that i am in the fantasy but not really.

@sophieekhegfejwgk

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 Oh completely! I think one of the reasons I got pretty into shipping in my teens was because it allowed me to engage with sexual content without having any connection to myself

@ashao_taku129

2 жыл бұрын

Thaaaank you so muuuch for posting about aegosexuality.... I always wondered why do I enjoy watching yaoi but still identify myself as asexual, I always thought I was just lying to myself/other but I'm just aegosexual thank you again (English isn't my first language so sorry for the bad grammar)

Hey, aromantic, agender, sex-indifferent Ace here, thanks for this! I learned a lot. I dont really know much about Aces who aren't me, so this was very enlightening.

Thank you for using your platform for the betterment of the queer community and holding a fundraiser. You're the BEST 🥺💞💖 Here's to manifesting your channel grows so big that everyone in the queer community knows your face and cherishes you 🥰💕

repulsed aro ace here i would just like to say this video is realy good at explaining things that are not represented in mainstream media keep up the good work david

This was really interesting to watch and learn from. I've discovered I was ace in recent years after self-reflecting a lot (having problems with my boyfriend who's come to understand me). I particularly appreciated a few parts that made me understand myself better: 1) labels are not necessary and I don't have to explain nor define what kind of ace I am to anyone or even myself. 2) arousal and attraction are different things 3) ace can have kinks as well

God as an asexual/aromantic person who's been questioning the validity of my identifying with both labels, this video was like an immediate level up

Thank you. I kept thinking that just because I wasn't opposed to the feeling of pleasure that I was just lying when I told myself or others that I'm ace. But this video has really helped me feel validated. I might be sex-neutral (leaning toward repulsed, though) but that doesn't mean I'm not asexual.

How could you get such a vital fact so horribly wrong?! It is impossible to like purple too much! Also, to clarify another statement: cake is what we came for. We came for cake.

@katherinemorelle7115

2 жыл бұрын

I came for pie, speak for yourself. Pie > cake!

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

😭 i m doing ace wrong because my favorite colour is green but i am not aro, i am only ace. I mean i do like purple too, i have purple things. But i just like green more, what should i do? 😭

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@katherinemorelle7115 i think it depends on what pie and what cake we are talking about.

@bitnewt

2 жыл бұрын

@@nessyness5447 I don't think the flags for your identities have to be your favourite colours, it's just important that your love for your favourite colours shouldn't be limited by any societal expectation. :P It just so happens that the flags I identify with have the raddest colour schemes, and I hope others feel the same way about their flags.

@nessyness5447

2 жыл бұрын

@@bitnewt i know jaja i was kidding XD. Also, green is my fav color because i relate it to nature and forest( my family is from asturias, despite me living in madrif, and the landscape looks a lot like the scottish highlands, so you can imagine why green is my favorite). But, it also happens to be slytherin's color, and i am an slytherin ..or should i say " acelytherin". So you see, it all falls in place in the end 🤣🤣

I remember marching at Helsinki Pride together with my friends. Whenever we arrived at a new place, I liked to look around and see who was watching. There were old gay couples looking happy and proud, a tiny group of peeved-looking fundamentalist christians, a group of friends drinking champagne while watching us from their flat window and many many more. My favourites were the kids who were watching, especially the little siblings who were on a balcony waving their little flags. The point is, the only people who looked disturbed were the fundamentalist christians. Kids most likely do not care if they see kink stuff at a parade. Most of the time they think that kinksters are just adults goofing around in weird outfits. Why don't we all just keep celebrating and demanding equal rights? That's what Pride is for!

aww yeah it's always good so see good asexuality content online!! as an ace myself it's always good to have resources like this to share with my allosexual friends. plus the humor in it is great and you summarized what i think about the "kink at pride" discourse very well :D (also when i started watching the video the fundraiser was at $669 haha nice timing--)

I love all the lovely comments and discussions about aspec and being favourable vs repulsed vs indifferent, but I just wanted to show some love to the beautiful line that is, “oh no! It’s a time paradox Frank!” It’s just *chef’s kiss*

As a hetero woman I really appreciate your explanations of the Ace experience. You're kink at pride argument is the greatest thing I have ever seen, I cannot stand the commercialization and "family friendly" changes (and I am a parent). Pride is a protest and a celebration of acceptance. Thank you so much. 👏👏👏

A+ Goodies reference, by the way. I love that mockery of Mary Whitehouse has outlived her.

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad someone got it! I saw that episode once when I was maybe about 10 and never forgot that gag

@KyleRayner12

2 жыл бұрын

@@DavidJBradley It's the only full episode I've seen of the series. I need to get back to it: there isn't enough weird Monty Python content out there to sustain an aburdism fan.

it's currently pride week in the Netherlands, and I'm YEETING this video into everyone's DMs. Especially my parent's

@DavidJBradley

2 жыл бұрын

Happy pride! 💜

Why can’t I like something more than once??? When you went off about the discourse I was hammering that thumbs up!

Quarantine helped me realize I'm a gray ace and this video just sparks joy

I have no idea how this ended up being suggested to me, but I thank the gods that it was. As a sex-repulsed demi (who is also married), it is SO hard to explain to people what I feel that I always just end up telling them I'm asexual and leave it at that. I will now proceed to send this video to anyone who ever asks me anything about it. Thank you!

Kinda trivial, but love how you took the time to show off your items related to your favourite color, that's definitely something I would do lol

Thanks for making this video, our new Ace King (lol)! As an asexual, one of my favorite songs is "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt n Peppa, which shocks a lot of people who I'm open with being ace. I think it's a good song that brings up a lot of important topics about "doing it". Also I find it funny when my allo friends try to change the music when the song comes on but I then ask them to keep it playing.

Purple is a royal colour - it's natural for the king to be dressed and have a lot of stuff in that colour.

Great deep dive, love this! Also, if anyone wants more info on being ace in the kink community, I'd check out Evie Lupine's channel, she a great ace BDSM educator

Thank you for all of this. For me, as an allo (albeit a Bi/Pan polyam, and kinky one), the Kink at Pride stuff especially spoke to me. But on the whole, I just want to say kudos, congrats, thank you, and huzzah. I am seriously impressed with everything you’ve said and done here. I’ll be back, and I’ll be sure to tell the folks I know in all my communities.

It’s so rare to get meaningful validation and you are so good at that. Thank you I really needed something like this

Wow! This is fantastic. Hearing someone (else) voice all these terms that I have read and lived and breathed for years brings them to life. It is validating and lovely. Thank you

All hail the king! As always, thank you for the attention to nuance, and the variety of experiences folks under the Ace umbrella have. And I'm really thrilled to see someone talking about the intersection of ace identities and kink! An ace friend and I have talked a lot about our interest in kink and the ways that that connects with our ace feelings, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of awareness of that!

I loved this video so much! I'm not at all asexual (I'm gay) but it's really nice to see someone explain the multitude of ace experiences so clearly and extensively. Personally, looking back I can tell I do experience arousal and attraction separately sometimes and I definetly experience aesthetic attraction a lot! The kink at Pride bit was really constructive too and your takes on arguments that are meant to tear apart our community were awesome. Thank you so much for this! I came across this video and subscribed right away. Happy to have an ace uncle now.

As someone who has been very confused for a majority of my life, this video has honestly helped me a lot. I’ve never felt comfortable referring to myself as asexual even though I have little to no actual attraction because I’m fine with sex. I’d have sex to fulfill a partner and receive gratification from giving them that, because... I like making people feel good? Mentally physically emotionally etc. whatever. It’s not as if I’d get the same satisfaction from it as an allo person would, though. It’s really a big whatever to me. Anyway sorry for the ramble but that’s my personal experience ^^ I probably still will not call myself ace because I feel very guilty using that label when I know that many use it to express that they would never have sex. But this video has helped me understand much better and made me much more comfortable in my identity.

This video is so great!! As a fellow ace these are all things I've thought about a lot, but my allo friends really don't seem to have done anything like that. It's so great that you're putting this out there. Thank you so much!

So nice I watched it twice. The Denmark invasion makes me chuckle every time. Fun fact: cats are immune to time paradoxes

Thank you our Ace King for the wonderful video! Especially on kink at pride. You didnt just show a convincing well thought response. You explained how the entire argument isnt even valid.

I dont think I've ever felt this validated in anything else. Thank you so much.

This video was really good and helpful and made me feel comfortable with my kink. Something I’d like to mention is masturbastion, many people do not recognise that aces can masturbate and in particular sex-repulsed aces. This is since people think if we hate sex then why would like doing it to ourselves. What people don’t understand is that you can enjoy the feeling of masturbastion but be disgusted of getting that feeling through sex. Additionally aces may also do it for other reasons. So I won’t to make it clear that as an sex- repulsed asexual you can do it and still be asexual no matter where you lye on the spectrum. This was a great video which helped me feel comfortable with my kink, I get arroused by it and so I like to self love but I’m still repulsed by sex and would never personally like to participate in sex. I’m also grateful you clarified the difference between attraction and arrousal.

Thanks for this video! I am personally VERY sex-repulsed. Thinking about it gives me a nauseas feeling similar to the onset of an anxiety attack but I’m ok with other people doing it and being proud of their sexuality. I often got the question “why would you support something that makes you so uncomfortable” and until now I didn’t really have an answer.

I just wanted to say thank you for this video. I only recently realized I had never felt sexual attraction towards anyone, but I feel like an imposter sometimes because I experience aesthetic and sensual attraction. It made me wonder if I was just an allo who wanted to feel included in a community I feel strongly about. But your video helped me feel...well validated. So thank you kindly, I'm glad I found your channel.

I attended my local anime convention at the end of last month, (June 2022), with my two sons. They disappeared off with their friends and left me to my own devices. On their return they'd picked out and bought me an asexual enamel pin and iron on patch. I've only been out for about 4 years or so and my sons were the first people I told. Later on during the weekend I bumped into one of their friends whoi s pansexual and she noticed my new, shiny, proudly worn pin. First thing out of her mouth was, 'You're asexual? Don't you have to be a virgin for that?'. I'm in my 50's, married, with three adult children. She then hastily covered it with, 'Hmm I guess not.' For amusement, this little interaction happened between one person, me, dressed as a priest from an anime called Blue Exorcist and them dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog. It was an interesting weekend! My point with this piece of waffle, is that I feel like I'm constantly having to explain myself to people even those within our wider community. Its exhausting and I'm starting to wonder if I should have ever told anyone. Thank you for the video. I only discovered your channel recently and I'm getting a lot out of your content.

as someone questioning whether theyre ace or not, this video has immensely helped me understand what i am. thank you so much 💜🖤