This is exactly how my ex was!!! Everyone else was so shiny to him and he treated me like I was dull.

@lilianfowler7988

2 жыл бұрын

Well said.

@ladysigma9654

2 жыл бұрын

Same 😔

@LG-kx8xl

2 жыл бұрын

That's a perfect analogy.

@deborahv5063

2 жыл бұрын

So freeing to know other women understand this exact experience.

@magdalerouge718

2 жыл бұрын

So true. My is giving money, paying college, and buying stuff for young women but, when I spent for me, the the house, gifts for grand children its a big problem. His excuse is I am wasting money????? 😎😎😎 so sick!!!!

After you get discarded there's only two options,become a member of their harem or walk away and never look back.

@fightswithspirits915

Жыл бұрын

This. Explains my ex covert gf and her beholding to the lead narcissist who was also an ex, a secret they kept. I always felt like sloppy seconds even before I was aware of the dynamic. She made it a point to triangulate using him. Seems clever but is textbook.

@LADlifeafterdivorce

Жыл бұрын

I think harem is to flattering, more like scalps of men in a female narcs case.

@ralphstadler7373

Жыл бұрын

Exactly run, and don't look Back!!!

@marmeg1118

Жыл бұрын

I dealt with a narc for 5 months and once I confirmed he was nothing but a NPD dude, I was out and done. You cannot allow this in your life. It’s not about you but about them. Let go, learn and grow from this and find a authentic partner.

@edithflood631

4 ай бұрын

@@LADlifeafterdivorce For female narcs I think stud farm or stable is the analogous term. Female narcs can have a regular lover and then supplement the lover with risky one-off or short term sexual encounters with relative strangers they meet in daily life, to spice things up. If you are the unaware chump back home, in an imaginary relationship, and in love with, the narc’s false self, it is dangerous from an STD perspective. If the narc is regularly flaring up in anger or has imposed a schedule like you walking the dog to get you out of the house for a while, here’s a hint: watch the house….free show. If you then bust in on the spouse and lover, it only feeds the narc a delicious banquet of supply. Better to exert superhuman willpower, stay quiet and go see a lawyer before you bail out if there’s property or kids involved. Just saying.

You're Right. My Narc Ex Girlfriend actually had the nerve to tell me to my face that there's a lot of men wishing they could replace me in her life. I looked her dead in her eyes and told her CHOOSE ONE OF THEM and moved out and left her high n dry 24 hours later.

@roberttaylor9334

Жыл бұрын

U did the right thing...

@NefariousDreary

11 ай бұрын

Good for you! Self respect is the key to not letting someone take advantage of you. Mad props 🙏🏾

@jeepgurl1379

8 ай бұрын

👏🏽

@kademakhalid4056

8 ай бұрын

Yes definitely they are!

@msjannd4

7 ай бұрын

Good for you!

Yes! They'll treat you like an option and a pain in the butt until you're not interested anymore. Suddenly you're everything they could hope for again. They're exhausting. 🙄

@mnomad9173

2 ай бұрын

Yep. You show them the door or another women pays you attention and you a at home plate again till the threat leaves.

@andresentomaalves4167

12 күн бұрын

Oh God, and this happen over and over

Yes! A thousand times, yes! All of this, yes! If I ever said ANYTHING about ANY of it, the problem was NOT his behavior, but my lack of confidence and excessive sensitivity. The thing is, I entered the relationship with a lot of confidence. I left the relationship a shell of who I was. I’m getting that confidence back.

@Langolin1998

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly right. That’s how I felt. Went in with confidence, left with none. Finally getting a little back.

@tammyfetter8812

2 жыл бұрын

The same has happened to me. I was a happy, confident person two years ago. I have become a shell of who I was. I’m slowly working on gaining my confidence back each day. I’m so glad this community is here! Together, we will make it through this, and come through shining on the other side!

@janet1387

2 жыл бұрын

💔💔Same

@Picca65

2 жыл бұрын

Same. You go girl, get your power back💪🧡

@mordenready8226

2 жыл бұрын

Wow that's a very good n unique response

There's always someone ELSE. THEY PLAY THEIR OWN CHILDREN back and forth.

@GodWarrior79

2 жыл бұрын

My parents did this

@suzannesmith5339

2 жыл бұрын

Comparisons are the main topic of every conversation and shaming method within the family.

@antoinette8519

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! My malignant narcissist mother played us children against each other.

@mariebiggane7602

2 жыл бұрын

So true

@gregansen544

2 жыл бұрын

I saw this. To be fair, it happens to some extent in regular households too.

This triangulation was the hallmark of my relationship. Continuous attempts to make me jealous, then gaslight in to telling me I was jealous.

@AramK

10 ай бұрын

Same

@suzanne4396

9 ай бұрын

Yes, the entire 9 years was about him trying to make me jealous. Then he'd say " Why are you so insecure? It's really annoying " Recently, ( he Says!) he's reconnected with an ex f*** buddy from 20 yrs ago and while they're " friends as of now " - " It's possible" he's " Not going to lie about it " 🙄🙄 that they could have an intimate physical relationship in the future. He even sends me PICTURES of himself at a campfire late on a Friday night ) and just last night a pic of a flaming charcoal grill saying " Grilling steaks " When I asked him where, he replied " Friends" So, feeling insecure and baited I asked " That friend?" His response was " Maybe" Omg his triangulation b.s.!!! I mean WHY would he send me pics, letting me KNOW he's out somewhere (and Telling me ) he's with " A friend???" My bff says he's just taunting me, wanting to get that negative supply. Sometimes I can blow off his comments and not let it get to me,other times I feed right into it, becoming extremely upset and dysregulated. Just Why?? Why does he feel the need to shove it in my face???

@marygavin3203

8 ай бұрын

Yes and I'm really disgusted by this tactic...

@marygavin3203

8 ай бұрын

I left...

@maddskillz5177

8 ай бұрын

​@@suzanne4396run

You're always left feeling like you are not good enough. The narcissist always has someone else they're being inappropriate with and it leaves you constantly feeling anxious.

@denisesalles7248

Ай бұрын

Ugh. This is so perfect it's frightening. Just realizing this and feeling completely disgusted.

@Munk_Munk_

Ай бұрын

Just found out my wife has been in contact with another married man for our entire 2.5 year marriage and that he truly fulfills her.

@denisesalles7248

Ай бұрын

@@Munk_Munk_ I am so sorry for you. If you don't have kids, or even if you do, get out while you can.

@Munk_Munk_

Ай бұрын

@denisesalles7248 thankfully we don't because I already know if I were to show affection to our children it would turn into a competition. It just hurts when you love someone and you start to feel your love could change them or that it's really your fault. I am realizing that I don't have control and it's up to her how she reacts. It's just hard. And the small jabs at my character about how she's a stronger person than me, more mature, more responsible are like small paper cuts over time that bleed you dry.

@ankomahose1828

Ай бұрын

​@@Munk_Munk_narcissist don't see people as people. They only see people as emotional and spiritual food sources. Your feelings are irrelevant to them. They'll pretend to care only to make sure you are still feeding their needs.

This is an all too familiar experience - my nex introduced insecurities in me that were never there because of their constant comparison and inappropriate attention to people that shouldn’t matter.

@d4ngly

2 жыл бұрын

same same same uhg

@KappaLove07

2 жыл бұрын

SAME

@Lizzard2060

2 жыл бұрын

Same, insecurities I never had before I now had. Building life back day by day.

@theduallanguagechannel

2 жыл бұрын

Yessssss. I’ve never been insecure but now…I can’t find a rock big enough for me to hide under. But when we’re apart and I’m surrounded by healthy people I like myself (A LOT) and forget the devaluation and rise above.

@Lizzard2060

2 жыл бұрын

@@theduallanguagechannel Spend as much time with the healthy people as you can. If you are still with this person I would ask why and what is holding you back? Staying for kids teaches the kids to be unhealthy - my 13 yr old calls me names and makes her little sister cry and curl up into a ball like her did to me. Divorce or breaking up sucks but it sucks more to stay with someone who sucks the life from your soul. Keep being around happy and healthy people and you will get better and better, but if you are returning home to this person the feeling of wanting to hide under that rock will come back. If you don't want to live under a rock then that person can't be in your life.

God this is exactly how it was with my ex, it absolutely felt like a threesome. There was ALWAYS some other woman in his life, always "just a friend" but he had obvious feelings for them. And every time I brought up how uncomfortable I was with his completely inappropriate levels of closeness with other women I was controlling, unreasonable, looking for problems, needed therapy, and just didn't want him to have friends. He _can't_ stop texting his ex at 3am, that would hurt her feelings! But hurting mine is perfectly okay. He _can't_ stop sending heart emojis and I-miss-yous to female friends who have no idea he's in a relationship, that's their "friendship dynamic" and he's "just being nice"! I should be happy he's so nice to these poor lonely girls who need a good friend! Well how about being nice to ME for once?! They're always SO NICE to everyone but their partners! AAAAARGH I still get so mad thinking about it lol. He basically cheated on me for 3 years straight and made me feel crazy for not liking it.

@vc7770

Жыл бұрын

Yup. Same here!!! Called me insecure! Lolol. For not liking how these women would text him at 11 pm at night or any time we were together blowing up his phone

@nataliemyers7348

Жыл бұрын

Omg. This is exactly the deal. I fell in love w him at 19. Young and dumb he was involved w 3 other woman at the time saying they were crazy etc etc. I believed all his bs. He groomed me for many many years. We've been on and off. Now I'm 37 still dealing w this insanity but after watching all these videos I've discovered what's wrong w him. Told me I'm crazy psychopath my whole life. Everything is my fault. Now all these tears have gone by and he had a couple kids in between our on and offs. Its absolutely insane and I've taken him back. Different times believing his promises. It's sickening he's still talking to and cheating w I believe at least 2 other woman so it's the same story history repeating itself. Now I'm working on getting out no longer in denial and accepting he won't change and if I stay ill be unhappy for the rest of my life. On the other hand the trauma bond is so intense I go back and forth planning my escape and then he's nice to me good sex mask goes back on and I start to think maybe I'll deal w it bc I don't want him w anyone else and I don't want the others to win. Maybe i can someohow accept his lies or cheating from time to time. Total insanity . However there is no prize here just sadness. Sometimes I'm disgusted w myself but I'm and can't believe it came to this It's truly embaressing to family and friends who know the story.

@brynne77

Жыл бұрын

@@nataliemyers7348 Sounds like youi need to find your self-pride and self-esteem and get out. The longer you stay with this person, the worse you might feel about yourself.

@brynne77

Жыл бұрын

@@nataliemyers7348 But I can definitely appreciate your honesty about the other women he's with in your situation (when you say you 'don't want the others to win'.) Maybe other women can relate to that reasoning. But you can ask yourself, too, what are these other women 'winning'?? Are they 'winning' a cheater? Someone who will probably call them crazy, also, like he's called you? That's not 'winning', that's definitely losing. Please think about that.

@Daniela-yb2um

Жыл бұрын

I feel exactly the same!! And im thinking "the other woman" has narcissistic traits too. Once that goes down, it'll be veeery interesting!

“There is always someone else for a narcissist “ can’t agree you more!!

@fena1931

5 ай бұрын

yes, an other victim on the waiting list

@josephmoran3265

4 ай бұрын

An empath who requires truth in their life is impossible for a narcissist to deal with, so they need flying monkeys. Just an example....the average politician is a lying narcissist, and those in the msm are flying monkeys.

No relationship needs 3 people. That’s infidelity / adultery. Period.

It was a harem-some but I was being “insecure” and “ridiculous.” The social media triangulation and inappropriate behavior was intolerable (among others - always texting other women who are just “friends”). Glad I am out! Still very hurt but relief comes in slowly each day.

@denisesatt7044

2 жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you are feeling. 🤗

@80islandia

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you 100%. You are not alone! Harem-some is absolutely right.

@barbaraviniegra

2 жыл бұрын

@@80islandia just an awful feeling to be picking up the pieces of the destruction they left. So hard. Thank you.

@80islandia

2 жыл бұрын

@@barbaraviniegra I get it! Sending a big hug and wishes for a better future after healing at whatever pace you need.

@d4ngly

2 жыл бұрын

they really are all the same arent they?... 😒

My father often tells me, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Last time he did this I responded with, "Why can't she be more like me? The difference between my sister and me is she puts up with your crap and I don't."

@gal2727

2 жыл бұрын

💥 nice

@lum3336

2 жыл бұрын

Well said!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@cacatr4495

2 жыл бұрын

and what did they say/do after that?

@GaryCameron780

2 жыл бұрын

@@cacatr4495 Crickets. No real answer or a topic change.

@SusanDelgado1177

2 жыл бұрын

Like a boss

Not just inappropriate,they go all out to induce,jealousy and inaecurity in you.

Triangulation is a type of psychological warfare. One friend or lover Pitts you against another who is usually your replacement.😉 Keeping it real 100%.

@NefariousDreary

11 ай бұрын

Yyyup

@user-sk9sp7pe4y

4 ай бұрын

if it;s another narc then no replacement, just sexual fuel.

Always staring at other people or noticing other people... my life story with my ex narcissist.

@missednoahsarc2654

2 жыл бұрын

Mine too! He was so judgmental in a horrible way. I'd be like what is wrong with you??!! Im safe now

@glizzard1894

2 жыл бұрын

My narc likes to lurk in the corner of a room during any gathering and silently judge everyone. He reminds me of Dr. Evil's hairless cat. I don't know why, but the image is perfect for him.

@zaniyahhundley8591

2 жыл бұрын

@@glizzard1894 so scary 😧

@zaniyahhundley8591

2 жыл бұрын

@@missednoahsarc2654 doesn’t the words safe feel so comforting.!!! I’m so blessed to have outcome it’s only been a few months and it feels like a weights off my shoulder.

@missednoahsarc2654

2 жыл бұрын

@@zaniyahhundley8591 YES! Proud of you! I've been free since spring and I am so content in my life with the simplest things. He really changed me for the better after I escaped. I am so happy and joyful.

He says he is just being nice and friendly when he is always touching other women's shoulders. He really turns on the charm and laughs in such a delightful manner.

@cmsbeth

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. Mine did that. He thought they all enjoyed his touch. They made fun of him for the unwanted touch. They only accepted the behavior because he was in a position of power. I wish they had called him on his creepy overreaching behaviors to his face!

@LG-kx8xl

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, male narcs love attention, but esp. female attention & will call their girlfriend or spouse insecure. They also use anyone who will agree with them but, the person they speak of doesn't have a clue as to the truth or they don't compare apples to apples, surface info. only as if that other persons opinion is supposed to hold water with you even if they don't know you.

@athenagranada

2 жыл бұрын

Relate 💯💯💯

@HaleyMary

2 жыл бұрын

I know a guy like that who is charismatic in a crowd and he is always hugging women. I recall him in the past saying that he doesn't see anything wrong with polyamory, which seems to be a red flag in narcissistic behavior. I have seen him out with two women on one occasion. Now some people are fine with polyamory, but it just seemed creepy somehow.

@brigitte9999

2 жыл бұрын

Leave

Narcissists are people who want their cake and to eat it too. They must be surrounded by adoring fans and lovers who are needed to prop up their fragile egos. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be enough for them. For they are abysmally lacking in self-worth. They are insecure, needy, crippled beings with neither love for themselves nor anyone else. We have little choice but to forgive them, work on healing ourselves and making ourselves whole.

Always throwing other people in my face. Trying to get me to compete with them. I would not. Anything I did- someone did it better or before me. He went too far this last round. The anger I still feel is intense- so I need complete disengagement. I feel for him- he was taught all this the hard way. He was never good enough for his parents to love him and compared to other kids. I had to mirror with safe guy friends that were encouraging without an agenda to counter how he made me feel. Worse - He was born into a triangle with his parents that were always using him as a 3rd party. Mom used him to get to dad. Emotional incest. He will never break free from his parents abuse cycle who are long dead. It is sad- but being his scapegoat depleted me. I will NEVER compete with another woman for ANY man. It is a major turn off for me.

@aaroncorreyddon7094

3 ай бұрын

Guess he was the worst

@lauradp2987

29 күн бұрын

It kills every sexual desire anyway

100% true!!! There was ALWAYS a 3rd person in our relationship. His focus was never on me

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

shortyw74,You look gorgeous 🌷,you don’t need a narcissist in your life!

@Starpple38765

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissism are Satan's Device every thing from them They're hurting people left and right violating the Law violating human standards they lie after lied top of lies..they eat a.diet lies..hahahaha you need to Delete them in your life and in your mind.gone..

My little narcissist ex-boyfriend did this so I turned the threesome into a foursome, and did this to him-when he told me that I’d better watch out because I could easily be replaced I told him that he wouldn’t last more than a minute with his next one once she found out what a narcissist he was; then laughed in his face-go ahead babe give it a go-he did and failed and today he dates, but no takers-because he didn’t change-and his ‘human’ mask has never fit him very well-the thing about narcissistic people is that they are constant and predictable, he’s a one-off kind of guy maybe, good for a few dates-but not a keeper, although Bless His Heart he keeps trying.

@racquelwelch9549

2 жыл бұрын

💥💥💪🏽🙌🏾🙌🏾

@chitrarakshasi1661

2 жыл бұрын

🙌😄🙌well put

@debbibobetty5620

2 жыл бұрын

I told my ex narc that I wanted to do all of her girlfriends too! Shut her right down cuz she knows that I would and I'm too much of a competition for her she gets scared because her supplies will stay with me. #lesbianencounter get him where it hurts right between the legs and their little insecure mind!

@Elizabeth00488

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣✌️👏👏.

@jakes658

Жыл бұрын

@@debbibobetty5620 Are you sure she's the narc?

This is spot on, shame it took me 25 years to understand why I was so miserable... If anyone says they are staying for the sake of the children I'll tell them to stop sleepwalking into more misery.

@mammadingo9165

10 ай бұрын

Agreed kids prefer a happy present parent and that's near impossible with a narc

@hurricaneaquatics

4 ай бұрын

Yep, 28 years here. I stayed for my daughter, but I wouldn't do it again. I could have been a better father if I had a normal woman or was alone. It's absolute torture.

@retpal2302

4 ай бұрын

I get why you say that and genrally this argument always comes from a woman. I am currently still in my relationship of 25 years fixing to leave. A man losing much more than the women but the will suffer much more in the longterm. Women often willingly don't realize how detrimental it is to remove the father figures from a child's life. Nowadays the pursuit of happiness is simply, one bad mood from divorce.

@RexHrothgar1

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, I had the same. For seventeen years. Notice that I didn’t use the word “only” or “just” seventeen years. There’s a lot I could say, but kudos for your reclamation indeed! Above all else, to thine own self be true. Idk about you but I still feel as if I’m practicing. And hopefully improving, which is what I wish for you and all others who have walked this bumpy path in life.

@user-gu2ip8ph1y

3 ай бұрын

And stop hurting the children also!

My covert narcissist ex was always making excuses for her guy friends and keeping exs in her life. After 2 yrs I left. Funny that after I left....a few months later she blocked me on all social media. Funny how I asked, begged, then demanded for her to block her exs who kept msging her and she wouldn't. But she blocked me. Lol. Never again going to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to exs and guy friends. Nope.

@itsdavincidavinci

4 ай бұрын

Oops same here. She was still talking to the ex and even spent some time at his place. I dumped her even before our child got delivered.

@Hallucinogenitals

4 ай бұрын

Sounds exactly like my ex, relationship lasted the same amount of time too. Finally when I stopped being a simp, putting up with her lies and didn’t fall for her manipulation anymore she decided we “grew apart.” She didn’t block me though, she made the mistake of continuing to follow me on social media, got to see me clubbing it up with a group of girls and making out with one of them, then she finally unfollowed me. 😂

@originalmix2546

3 ай бұрын

same here just reversed, my ex bf refused to put distance between him and his countless lady friends but blocked me in a sec...I so relate with your comment, Eric, because been living it exactly..just obviously reversed gender situation.

@MW-rn1vg

2 ай бұрын

Wow this happened to me this week. My [now ex] bf is still extremely close with his ex. He talked to her and spends more time with her than he did with me. I asked him numerous times to set some boundaries and limit contact and he refused, despite saying how much he cared about me and that he wanted to marry me. I broke up with him. I few days later I stupidly called him and I found out I was blocked. Lol, and supposedly I was the most important lady in his life. He blocked me in a heartbeat but won't let go of her for anything.

Yes! He was always comparing me to let me know I was never enough. Now that we’re over, he uses me to triangulate his new partners. He keeps acting like I was the love of his life that he lost but I wanna call those women and say “We didn’t have the great love he tells you we had because he treated me just like he’s treating you now. I was never good enough for him. Also-run, girl!” 😂

its insane how they have to have this chaos, in almost all their relationships.

@snowleopard285

2 жыл бұрын

"Insane" is the perfect term for this pathology.

@christymalekani4104

Жыл бұрын

I have met a few people with narcissistic tendencies. They all have substance abuse problems, but their real and deepest addiction is to the chaos and drama. They enjoy getting someone to be vulnerable, then using that to expose and injure the person whose trust they gained. They are addicted to destruction because on some level they are wounded and enjoy the misery they inflict (because misery loves company). They want to make others close to them suffer and feel the way they do. It's really quite sad. I honestly believe it is only a problem God can fix - or death.

This was the worst part of the "relationship" for me, the constant triangulation and throwing me off balance. It started from day 1 really. Constantly showing me pictures of other women "look, this is who I'm going to start to work for" or "look, this is my female co-worker", or "look, this is the girl I met the other day, she messaged me at 3 in the morning", and then towards the end he'd constantly talk about his female co-worker, referring to her as his best friend, whom he would go out clubbing with (he never went out clubbing with me). And when I found a picture on her social media taken at his house and confronted him, he said "well, yes, she did sleep in the bed with me, we've done that quite a few times, but nothing ever happened". That was the end for me. OVER and OUT! 3 months NO CONTACT. No more mind fu**ery.

@ardent307

4 ай бұрын

So bad

@Ray-yh7ng

3 ай бұрын

Hah my Ex saw the side girl bra once during videos and later boobs but didnt forgot to mention they were not as nice like me and he is not at all interested in her. He is marrying her this year.

They always have supplies on the side. Not worth being in a competition for an unloving, toxic individual

Most every time I see a video posted and think “this one probably won’t apply to me”, I end up watching it regardless and come away from it thinking “how did I not see this and end the relationship sooner?” Once again Dr. Ramani, you hit it out of the park.

@angelakh4147

2 жыл бұрын

This is so true! LOL! I sometimes watch just to keep my Spidey skills sharp, then….boom! There I am in her stories (to a lesser or greater degree). Education and information are our tickets out. And since we have spent a lifetime being gaslighted and lied to and confused, we NEED daily reminders of what is REAL!

@connergustafson1746

2 жыл бұрын

I had that exact same thought about this video! It has opened my mind to so much that has been happening to me.

@suzannemn

2 жыл бұрын

@@connergustafson1746 Me too!!

@Anna-gz2sh

Жыл бұрын

I know what you mean 😊

@perrinmontenegro

Жыл бұрын

Word 😂

I watch your videos every single day to educate myself and to keep on reminding myself that it’s not worth it to go back. Thank you!

@claratreeborn8647

2 жыл бұрын

I feel like I may end up doing this too! When I get to that point in my journey 🙏

@liyabergen

2 жыл бұрын

Omg! I was thinking of going back too before this video which reminded me that threesome is a never ending present with my ex.

@wildhorses6817

2 жыл бұрын

NEVER Go Back, they DISCARD you AGAIN, Even Worse. RUN !

@queencleopatrabeverly7914

2 жыл бұрын

Please don't ever go back

@carolbaumann9149

2 жыл бұрын

I have been listening to your videos also as the morale support I need to stay no contact. Thank you.

Been there! I do not think I can go through that again. I would rather stay single forever!

I got to believe that it’s no point to be jealous of a narcissist because as he doesn’t love you he doesn’t love any of the others

For mine- he is the charming best friend & confidant of every women in the tri state area. And he confides in them about my inadequacies. So he’s always “dating” and spending his charm elsewhere, then coming home to be cold & taciturn. But he never sleeps w/ any of them, so he’s still a “really nice guy”.

@chitrarakshasi1661

2 жыл бұрын

🙄😕Yup. Yours and mine must be from the same cloning tank🤢🤢🤢🤓😄✌

@yvonnebertrand3731

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my ex.

@melissasequeiros1801

2 жыл бұрын

You’d be surprised.

@57ccook

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. Nite had a “work wife” so many side pieces... I’m beginning to see the discard is a blessing

@QueenBee-xd1xk

2 жыл бұрын

same with my ex. I bought the song and dance about not sleeping with them. but that turned out to be a lie. he was sleeping with the ones who would let him. I imagine all narcs do...

I always felt like his ex was between us, with us wherever we went. She was perfect, made the best food, best lover, on and on. I used to dislike her intensely. I now admire her. She got out after 18 months. I tolerated him for almost 8 years. 🤢

This is so good because they do this to evoke jealousy in the person and get that type of reaction from the person. Sometimes, it's not even with new supply.. it's not always in the discard phase, it can be throughout the whole relationship. This is so good not many people touch on it enough.

@kimlarso

2 ай бұрын

Yep

I think that whether you're in a narcissistic relationship or if you just know a narcissist, you are in a threesom relationship. I believe that that is how narcissist maximize their odds of getting their supply needs met.

@nickarellano7266

3 ай бұрын

Nailed it Bouy....✨⚜️✨

100%!!! Mine talks about his ex all the time. “Well, my ex didn’t act like you.” “My ex didn’t complain and cry when I insulted her like you do.” “I don’t know why you’re acting like this, my ex never did that.” And on and on. Another example, “everyone else in my life has no problem with how I make fun of them, how come you do? You’re too sensitive. You can’t take a joke.” It’s an endless cycle of abuse. It’s really sickening.

@SoigneWave

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! “I only have these issues with you” always amazed me because I was literally there witnessing them have issues with or badmouth the very people they claim not to have issues with. It was the two faced behavior, amongst other things, that I walked away from and now I am the bad guy because I am not there for them. It’s frustrating.

@jaime3452

2 жыл бұрын

I Told the narc ex I filled her gas tank. She scoffed and said my ex did that all the time...I should've ran away then. I'm out now.

@sanetroodt606

2 жыл бұрын

Same here....so sick of it!!!!!!strong...Sanet

@djpdyson

2 жыл бұрын

And when you first met him, according to him, his ex was a demon right? Now the ex is perfect so you feel insecure. Yeah I've been there. Don't fall for it.

@ladysigma9654

2 жыл бұрын

For God's sake YES. She works for him and manages his accounts. Cougar married he 10 year younger lover. Add in two adult daughters, not his. All for his money. Proved everywhere by everyone. Just disgusting. I am not even part of this relationship. Just an object in the corner. His maid and raising his biological child. A ghost of a human.

This makes a lot of sense. My ex claimed he was really great friends with all of his exes (red flag), and would keep in touch with a lot of them. I figured out that it was triangulation on his part. And when we split up, I made it clear we would not remain friends. It really pissed him off that I wouldn't hang about for him to keep me on a shelf for ego kibbles.

@gal2727

2 жыл бұрын

Ego kibbles... brilliant, lol

@terrisolaroli4169

Жыл бұрын

Ego kibble! I’m stealing that!!😆

@dennisrobinson8008

Жыл бұрын

I'm friends with my exes but it means no bad on who i am with, i won't favor them over her or disrespect her by being inappropriate. If i am with someone i will see and talk to my female "friends" ALOT LESS. And if they see me i don't mind being with my significant other, there is nothing to sneak in.

@vedicleo5286

Жыл бұрын

@@dennisrobinson8008 That's wonderful and I feel there are circumstances where one can be friends with an ex-partner. I should have added that my ex hasn't said anything positive about any of his ex's, claiming they were all cheaters and liars. Hence, why it was a big red flag for me when he claimed he is still great friends with all of these women. Not once did he discuss or own up to his own failings in those relationships.

@dennisrobinson8008

Жыл бұрын

@@vedicleo5286 Hi. One of my ex was a really good friend to have. She's helpful of her friends, doesn't backstab them or get jealous. She treats her friends and people very well. As her man i was treated great.... I messed that up ending in year 2004. So it would have been a greater loss to lose her friendship because she is not common in this world... We were not talking much for 3-5 years or so, but today we talk quite a bit and i'm appreciative of her friendship. I have other ex that have men other situations so i lay all the way back, out of their business, but it makes me feel good when i know they are doing good in their situations... On the guys saying their ex are all liars and cheaters.... Some friend groups are like that, so while it's probably better not to say anything, it's not always a lie but they did chose them. So you could say "stop crying to me about them, you chose them"...

The triangulation is one of the most exhausting parts of the relationship. My ex always had these “female friends” that he’d give more attention to and speak about admirably. He’d schedule activities with them and text them all the time while sitting with me. He’d even call them during our arguments and wrap them up in our drama. One day he even said “You’re just like my ex. She kept accusing me of cheating with you that eventually I figured I should just do it!” The crazy thing is he basically told on himself because at that time he was claiming to be single and we had already begun ours before I found out who she was. During our entire relationship he only ever referred to her as his ex who I was always competing with. He had been gaslighting me this entire time. I broke up with him not too long after.

@Boiiiiwhatttt

9 ай бұрын

Bro ppl are messed up

@romute1123

9 ай бұрын

💯 my story. He is my ex now. The best thing ever. 🎉

@gabriellaboonen5455

7 ай бұрын

Same here. I think my ex wrote post-its himself with ‘love you’ pretending it comes from him - making sure I found them in his trousers etc… just to see my reaction how jealous I was. Didnot know this…. Now after seeing Dr Ramani’s video’s I start to realise… If only I would have know…. I would have stayed indifferent…. Its like I found out the manual to handle him too late….

@lees.9597

6 ай бұрын

Just been through this. Amazing how the story is always so familiar. You just have to laugh sometimes. Humans. SMH.

@shernettgreen1624

4 ай бұрын

I have the same experience

It took me about two years of researching narcissism to finally understand and realize I needed to leave-but I didn’t fully believe that he was a narcissist until I left and watched him spiral exactly the way that the research said he would. My life improved drastically the moment I cut him out of it. Your videos slowly got through to me. You helped me get my life back. Thank you.

@Ray-yh7ng

3 ай бұрын

I came to know about it after the relationship broke. He was raging alot and eventually I slapped on his leg as I was sitting on floor crying. He called jn quits and took the flight the very next day to finalise things with other girl he was dating. Thank God he quit otherwise Even though I knew I was not happy, I was not able to had the courage to quit myself. I was going back again like a prisoner

@26gwhen

3 ай бұрын

Thats really true 5 years i was on and off with the covert narcissist and have no idea about only until the last time i caught him cheating and instead of fixing things up he totally get lost not even asking if im alive thats y i questioned myself and watching videos about NPD i look back for all that 5 years then i only realized that all that 5 years is just a full drama play of a psychopath devil person i never knew. Though sometimes we r praying that its not true and still we have the hope that he will change coz somehow they r once a sweet generous and loving person during d love bombing stage.. but girl freedom from them is the best gift u could ever give urself ❤ god bless our poor loving soul

This has been life for 38 yrs. I never once felt like he was “all in” the marriage. I felt he 100% of the time had one foot out the door. The divorce has been final for 5 months now. I am not able to “move on” from the marriage but I am able to move forward. Move forward with the lesson’s I’ve learned about myself and the boundaries I now know I need in any relationship just to name a few. The content within this channel arms me with what I need to watch for in another potential romantic relationship. It also helps me immensely with professional relationships.

@kaymackay1161

2 жыл бұрын

I am in the middle of a divorce from my spouse of 37 years...he refuses to move out and this has been the most stressful year. Thank God for this channel and the wealth of information! Blessings on your freedom and continued healing. I look forward to my future knowing what I now know.

@ssully1377

2 жыл бұрын

@@kaymackay1161 ugh I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stand your ground and do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. If his lips are moving, it’s a lie. It took me 2 yrs to finalize the divorce. He made it as ugly and as stressful as he possibly could. Keep coming back to Dr. Ramani’s words and you will make it! I’m praying for you.

@kaymackay1161

2 жыл бұрын

@@ssully1377 awe, thank you so much!!! I do believe I have found the silver lining in all of this, and it is a complete and total reliance on God. He sees and hears and knows what is happening and He will see me through. Thank you for your prayers, they are golden to me and we are sisters in Him! (FYI my maiden name is Sullivan). Stronger Together ❤

@vanidiana

2 жыл бұрын

My father actually does that all the time. When he’s young he cheated a couple of times. As the children grew up, he and my mother (both narcs) compared us with other kids. Always talk about my cousins’ fancy jobs, degrees, wealths ... and make us feel suck about ourselves. Other times they talk about how they help others and how those people admire them.

@denisebaker9382

2 жыл бұрын

I lived through 31 yr marriage with a narcissist. Always felt a 3rd person in our marriage. I have read/listen to everything I can on narcissism. I learned so much about the disorder and how to heal myself. But my most comfort is knowing that my God is always with me. He has guided me and loved me through it all. Prayers for you.

My narc mother has triangulated me with my narcissist brother my entire life. Another subtle triangulation is complimenting cousins who are all “sooooo good looking”. I have never received a compliment from my mother and if I did it was something I inherited from her.

@englishwithsanjuktadas

2 жыл бұрын

I so know it! Thanks for sharing

@heathervogeley9183

2 жыл бұрын

Every time one of my cousins came to visit, my father gave me the silent treatment for days after she left. Inevitably, I got the "why can't you be like Debbie" question. His anger about it was confusing and extremely demeaning.

@foodyfunk

2 жыл бұрын

Wow... Same. My narc mother.

@susieneville5612

Жыл бұрын

I was compared to everyone in my class by my mother !!!

Narcissists: Me, myself and I, definitely the neighbor, strangers and sometimes, maybe you.

The narc tried to make me jealous, and seemed disappointed when I wasn't.

His mother is the other woman in our relationship. When I was dating her son, my then future MIL said, "You're lucky I'm letting you have my son. Any woman would be lucky to have my son!" I thought she was joking. She was not.

@sunrise7244

2 жыл бұрын

🤮

@LG-kx8xl

2 жыл бұрын

They see their perfect son & think you're not good enough or are manipulating them somehow (that's really funny, you being the manipulator), but never that same son being a nightmare in a marriage or relationship.

@ich6636

2 жыл бұрын

His mother didn't say that but when he did had contact with her, she was validating and instigating to more abuse as abusing me was a special bond between them.

@jd5368

2 жыл бұрын

My ex MIL said a similar thing during her speech at our wedding. Basically that she wouldn't let just anyone take her son from her, but she liked me enough that she would grudgingly accept it.

@deborahbulthe

2 жыл бұрын

Vaknin and Grannon did a talk on that couple of days ago. You introject the deficit and they project the deficit. Become aware is their advice.

I am so messed up and lost right now. I am just over a week out of a 30 year marriage with a man I am very suspicious of now that he is narcissistic. Out of desperation I asked the universe to give me a sign I was doing the right thing. I turned on my computer and this video was there. I can not even begin to tell you importance of the timing and how relevant this video had been. Thank you for all you share with us Dr. Ramanni, your work has been so helpful. X

@gal2727

2 жыл бұрын

God is good. Stay strong 💪🏻

@miss_whipps

Жыл бұрын

I'm pulling for you! Faith is the opposite of fear; trust that God has a plan for you and wants you to be happy. I want you to be happy too ❤️

@Lulee693

Жыл бұрын

❤️

@theresabond8827

Жыл бұрын

Wow, you are doing the right thing, for yourself and those who truly love you.

@raquelsosa401

Жыл бұрын

I’m so lost and can’t stop crying , this should be made illegal to damage someone like this .

As a narcissist, thank you for all your videos in helping me come to realise just how fucked up my thinking and behaviour has been for embarrassingly too long.

@ruthpamela2024

Жыл бұрын

wow, am glad you have become aware of the patterns. good luck in your healing jounery

@badje5u5

Жыл бұрын

@@ruthpamela2024 thank you, I appreciate your support :)

@floricadunca6909

11 ай бұрын

This is good thing you know who you are🤔👍✌️Keep learning ✌️🌈

@Fstop313

10 ай бұрын

It’s totally worth it to work on getting better. Hope you find relief from npd and continue to improve.

@halfbreed4life62

10 ай бұрын

That's like a breath of fresh air....good luck!!!

I'm Happy I learned about triangulation of narcissist but even happier to be FREE‼🙏🏽

Yes, triangulation is to maintain power and control! Thank you for saying that after infidelity, relationships don’t often get stronger. When I took my Ex back, spent more years, emotion, time and money after infidelity, it was a waste of time. I ruminated and was exhausted. Move on people, we deserve better! Free yourself!

@zenmasterj9497

Жыл бұрын

Well said , I just walked away from a relationship like that. I went through exactly what you spoke of.

@barbaraschultz1442

Жыл бұрын

@@zenmasterj9497 bottom line, if you don’t see yourself growing old, raising children or having any trust in this person with your life, cut your losses. I was gaslit for years. You can’t get that time back.

@davidtriplett8105

10 ай бұрын

​@@barbaraschultz1442absolutely

You can never have a private, trusted argument/conversation with a narcissist. "You know even my sister thinks you are wrong about ...". You get to the point that you can't trust telling them anything personal and keeping it to themselves. So you don't and it winds up being the beginning of the end of the relationship.

@catrionabensch5187

Жыл бұрын

Yes i never thought of it like that.

@kariymahmuhammad7957

Жыл бұрын

Now that's the truth!

@kellyyoung1811

Жыл бұрын

I know right. My hubby always blabbed everything.

@diannp6153

Жыл бұрын

This just happened to me. My husband asked me what I thought of our daughters prom dress, I said what I thought, he turned around and sent her a screen shot of it? Never mind that he felt the same about the dress, but could bring his self to say it he had to pretend it was me and me alone. Later he did speak his mind about the dress. But why always throw me under the bus? Coward comes to mind

@kellyyoung1811

Жыл бұрын

@@diannp6153 oh my goodness! My husband does that.

I was always exhausted in this relationship. After the discard, I look back and realise I wasn’t just in a relationship with a man - but with the man and the whole small town. There were always unhealthy boundaries with a friendship couple, who he kept telling me, he didnt want to expose me to. We were never allowed to invite this couple when I was around, but the minute I turned my back, he would have them over for supper or something else. I kept being told that the I wasn’t liked by this couple, because they feel I kept him away from them. They saw him more than I actually did?! One day an ex-fling showed face and walked by, biting her lip, undressing him with her eyes and completely ignoring me, but taking him all in. He stood like stone. He didn’t introduce me - at that stage I didn’t know who she was. Always had a suspicion that she was still somehow around. I was told that he sees nothing wrong with greeting these ex-flings, because he feels proud that they feel comfortable enough to come up to him, because he treated them so well. I don’t feel I was treated well at all. Needless to say, after I walked away from the nastiness, the manipulation, the gaslighting and heaviness of confusion in this relationship…… he quickly got into a relationship with a local woman (with a not so nice reputation, but lots of money), who is almost double my age. My feelings are….. she was on the scene before I felt forced to break up this relationship, with the taking of the cellphone to the loo/shower, the distance of not seeing each other and days of not speaking. When I questioned the reasons for the lack of interest and distance - I was met with absolute cruelty and meanness. I always never (from a previous traumatic relationship) that narcissism existed. The grandiose kind. I didn’t know that there was a Covert type. I fell victim to this, I understand now, because I am made up of empathy, care and love. I feel so fooled and very hurt by this betrayal and nastiness during and after this.

My boyfriend worked with his ex and was constantly talking about how she wouldn't give him the time of day and how he struggles because he tried so hard with her to make a life change and now daily has to face the rejection. I don't know why I put up with hearing this. Found out they were still "hanging out " ....go figure. I should have known. But He was "being so honest and upfront so there were no secrets" so I trusted it. What a facade of honestly 🙄

OMStars! This video really helped me understand some things. He was triangulating when we were dating and I only just now understand. Together 30 years, married for 28 and finally getting divorced. Taking my life back.

@mindthegap741

2 жыл бұрын

Good Luck Paula, I finally got divorced after 30 years. Best decision I ever made.

@paulakern9617

2 жыл бұрын

@@mindthegap741 thank you! Keeping my eyes forward. I appreciate your encouragement! It’s so good to understand how many folks have walked this same path.

@mindthegap741

2 жыл бұрын

I don't know at what stage you are in your divorce process, but the following video might help. I experienced everything with my Ex that Dr. Ramani is describing. kzread.info/dash/bejne/gmF1tZmgmtmXp7g.html

@kates8183

2 жыл бұрын

I was together with mine for 30, married for 28. I didn't even know what it was he was doing to me while in the midst of the marriage. It took him discarding me for me to finally start to see. You will get to a place of peace. Dr. Ramani's videos have helped me the most out of all other channels. I read a lot about it at first before finding her videos.

@JR-dg5th

2 жыл бұрын

Getting out after 15 years myself. I am learning so much from these videos. He was triangulating me from the beginning as well. Knowledge is power

The Twilight zone... That is how I refer to the narcissistic relationship.

@beverlybayonet5849

13 күн бұрын

That’s a perfect description.😊

Exactly! Thank you Dr. Ramani. Third parties, triangulation, being devalues, discarded etc. certainly took its toll on me. A most distressing experience. I’m healing my self worth.

@timothywanjohi5248

7 ай бұрын

🎉🎉

My relationship with my wife was a threesome with her mom. Her mom is narcissistic and her dad is a hopelessly broken, codependent, emasculated man. She wanted our relationship to be like theirs. Her calling all the shots, never gets questioned, gets to belittle and criticize him whenever she wants. She reasons that since they’re still together after all these decades, that means their relationship is defined by deep love and their relationship style is the only way to make a relationship work. I said no thanks to that.

I knew a person who started a fan club - to themself. To this day I can’t think of what tops that. You can’t even make this stuff up. It’s that ridiculous. They literally cannot function without being surrounded by admirers and believe you are the same. I’ve also noticed that when your life is going well, that’s when they’ll choose to resurface. Any other time, it’s crickets.

@bseltzer7245

Жыл бұрын

Hilarious. That's what it look like doesn't it? How absurd. LOL

I call it "the pet". There is always someone in the middle of us who needs to be "saved" in my partner's eyes, and actually meets the criteria for BPD. It brings insecurity and it is time-consuming...

@jupo9928

Жыл бұрын

It's the drama triangle, the saviour, the persecuter (you) and the rescuee

Omg absolutely! So insecure that they tip so far the other direction it’s cringeworthy.

Listening to this, I’m realizing my former husband did this a lot. Since I’m not the paranoid jealous type, I didn’t even realize it for years. Rather than getting insecure this way-by the time I was done with that man believe me- I was thrilled to let some other person deal with his sick BS because I was DONE!

At the start of the relationship, my narcissistic ex-husband was putting his ex-wife down frequently. By the end of our relationship, he was regularly saying good things about her. Interesting how there was still the same group of three people but two of our roles had changed.

@shannondavidson946

3 ай бұрын

OMG this is EXACTLY what mine did. At the start nothing but bad things about the ex. Made me feel sorry for him and how poorly she treated him, how she never cared for him or cooked a meal, how disconnected they were, how they never had sex or intimacy, how she was “fat” and had gained so much weight, he wasn’t attracted to her etc. At the end of our relationship she was “wonderful”, accepting, not fat, a good friend, etc etc etc. And when I kicked him out (finally) he ran to her and stayed with her! Probably slept with her too, may still be, who knows. All I know is he is SICK and the entire 2 years I was with him was a mind f**k, sucking me in masterfully then treating me like garbage. I was too hooked in already to run for the hills at the 6 month mark. I chose to endure the abuse for many more months. It was awful. I am still recovering from it.

@jessicarae1924

3 ай бұрын

Yes I am seeing this dynamic after many years, he pitted me against the ex, to keep me from befriending her, and then towards the end befriended her again himself to make me feel bad.

When things get tough, they look elsewhere. When things go well for them, they look elsewhere. When it serves them to compare you to others, they will plant that comparison in casual conversation. You will be compared to a catalog of all of the positive attributes in people around you, and be expected to be all of them, wrapped up in one.

My life exactly for last 5 years. Just ended the relationship 3 weeks ago. It makes so much sense now !

Yes. It's so true. I lived on edge, walking on egg shells for 6 years in a relationship with a narrasist. He always had several women "friends" that he texted and flirted with and spent "time" with in his lily garden. I always felt like there was more to these relationships than just :friendships". I would question him, and he always made me feel like I was out of line for even suggesting anything else was going on other than just friendships with these women, and of course he would rage, use silent treatments with me and say I was CRAZY because he loved only me! I always had terrible stomachs aches because I knew he was lying. I was right. I finally caught him in his lies and caught him in an affair with one of these women. He immediately dropped me and callously told me I was trash and to leave him alone. I am broken. I didnt want to believe he would do this to me. I will never understand how he could love me one minute and the next hate me, and never want to see me again. It hurts.

@wanjafaith

10 ай бұрын

So sorry. Hope you have now healed and know that you deserved better. He never really loved you. Narcissists love only themselves.

@dennyfie

4 ай бұрын

The one that just left me ( I asked her too) was driving me to s early grave.loved her since I was 15 now 61 hurts bad. Really bad​@@wanjafaith

@stephanieschulze179

3 ай бұрын

Narc don't love!

@ginagina9592

2 ай бұрын

Narcs treat people like apps. When they are done scrolling they just open a new one. Try to not take it personal because he doesn’t deserve someone as caring as you.

I wish I knew years ago that my ex not only was fully aware of the pain he inflicted on me, but actually enjoyed it. I had no idea that such people exist !

@ivanramirez8145

Жыл бұрын

They do

@kiapage2112

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!!I don't know why why they exist

@keithstewart7514

Жыл бұрын

I'm almost 60 and my dearly evil "NOTher" enjoys hurting me ALSO. Blessed & blocked with no contact took 8 months to invoke

@neveragain733

Жыл бұрын

Same, she watched me have a nervous breakdown

You described my spouse a lot in this video! I caught him cheating with other women, very painful 😢 and heartbreaking 💔 after 31 years of marriage I know who he really is now. I asked him to move out 8 months ago and I am letting this marriage dissolve. I am not going back to toxic. My naivety over the years has gotten me in trouble. No more! I have gone through great pain, program work and therapist to get some good recovery under my belt. Thank you Dr. Ramani

@narcissisticabuseawareness3607

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations! Sending you love, peace, healing and power.

@gal2727

2 жыл бұрын

Brave 👍🏻

Not just applicable to romantic relationships. If you do business with a narcissist, this applies. If you work FOR, work WITH, or HIRE a narcissist, this applies. If you have a friend or relative who's a narcissist, this applies. If you carpool with a narcissist, this applies. All too often, these internet discussions focus on romantic relationships to the point that the narcissist's behaviors only affect close personal relationships. This can lead to people tuning out the message because their mate/partner isn't a narcissist. We ALL need to recognize and manage narcissistic behaviors. We ALL interact with narcissists outside our families.

Yep! All through my marriage, I was always at odds with his family no matter how hard I tried and even sometimes friends (his friends). Eventually I had a nervous breakdown from his family's treatment of me, they even stopped inviting me to family functions with no discussion or explanation. They wouldn't even talk to me to tell me what I did wrong. All the time he was sitting by and somehow enjoying in his own sick way having his family mistreat me on his behalf. I realised much much later that he was actually putting me down to them, all lies, all the while telling me he was 'on my side'. It was so unbelievable, which is why I never realised it was happening. He set me up from the start, all the time I was trying to make it work with everyone, such a big waste of my time. I have no idea how he made it all my fault when I finally left, but I have no doubt he did. I gave up caring what other people thought of me since I had no control over any of it. It's been good - now i don't care what anyone thinks, if they know me they will know what I'm really like.

@matthewramsey2058

Жыл бұрын

This sounds eerily familiar…

@ckn9503

8 ай бұрын

Yes that happened to me. My ex would say, well, I never say anything about you. I finally told him maybe he should say something good about me

@bzane268

7 ай бұрын

22 years together and she's been doing me dirty the whole time. Her and her flying monkeys can enjoy their misery together.

@beegirl8884

6 ай бұрын

Our freedom comes when we quit caring what anyone else thinks about us. The moment I got to that place I made my exit after 19 years of covert Narc abuse. I have peace now & I don’t miss him or his toxic dysfunctional family.

My 76 year old dad took the inappropriate social media behavior to a whole new level. He began by having my mother drive him an hour to the beach 2x's a week and take pictures of teenage girls. He then posted them online (obvioisly without consent) where he gained lots of attention and even some pushback. After a year of that, he began a "photography studio" where he took sexual glamor shots of women in his cabin. Listening to my mother and siblings defend this behavior as cringy, yes, but within his rights was some of the worst gaslighting I have experienced. Not a day goes by that I regret going no contact 2+ years ago!! Thanks Dr. Ramani!!!

@nataliaalfonso2662

2 жыл бұрын

Yikes on bikes.

Never thought of this aspect being a bigger part of relationship with a narcissistic spouse but you're right on! Thank you for opening my eyes to narcissism. It only took me 47 years of marriage to finally get some answers to what in the world was happening in my life 🤔!

@lizhalligan2089

2 жыл бұрын

🍁🧡🙏🧡🍂

@jinxkrug7000

2 жыл бұрын

Took me 45. Pretty sad, isn't it? 😥

@Lola-mt1ne

2 жыл бұрын

It's never too late.

@sheryl7837

2 жыл бұрын

Same, 47 years of marriage and I never knew what was going on until after I left him! He used triangulation immediately after we met and for the remainder of the marriage. I had no clue what that even was. So glad I’m out and now married to the man of my dreams. Every day is a joy. I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. Best of luck to you.

@fatgirlboy9341

2 жыл бұрын

i left before i turn 80. i am a 45 year old guy.

I divorced him after 49 yrs. I was sheltered living with my parents so had little dating experience,plus was shy about boys in the 1950's. Met him, married and 2 children made up my little family. He was a "good ole boy" and drank beer with the boys all around town. I didn't have to work ,and didn't until the girls went to school. He didn't come home for supper , I saved it for him. I tried to make our life like all the tv family shows in the 50's & 60's. He joined a club & did all the maintenance on it. Plus, working as a plumber for HUD projects out of town. Staying out until the club closed for the evening, I felt like I was the mother & father to the kids. He would compliment all the gals he was talking to at that time I was with him, put his arm around them at the bar, flirt, kiss them on the forehead, right in front of me. Said , at least he does it in front of me & I should be ok with it. He had woman baking pies for him, give him jarred meat they made. Went to their homes to fix whatever needed done & not charge money . So I became involved after the girls were teens, and after they left the home. I had more than this that I had to put up with while I was at the club with him , for many yrs. If I got sick, he made me feel that I should suck it up, not much compassion at all towards my care, felt like I was ruining his time for he had to wait on me.There is much more that I could say about our married life of 49 yrs. but not enough space here. All in all, I wasn't happy, he didn't have much time for me, but when he did, he would go off (vacations & find a bar to drink beer. After I finally came to the point where I could divorce him (daughter & her husband asked me if I would live with them) I jumped at that! Was divorced for 7yrs. found out he had terrible arthritis & blood cancer , (we talked on Skype now & then} my kids that I lived with were moving again, he needed someone & I missed my relatives & the area, so he asked me to live with him again & I went back to care for him. Up until this time I always had my suspicions, but couldn't prove it. After I moved back in, he was getting worse, couldn't take care of the home or land. In his 80's by then, ran out of money to beable to live there for too long. Then after NOT getting answers about my suspicions, one night he confessed to 9 woman that I had thoughts about ( I was right) & who knows about others. Then looked at me and said, "'we're not going to talk about the guys".I was godsmacked! I suspected this one guy he ran around with because he talked airplanes with him and was a pilot. He later said to me Dave the pilot was gay. SO!! After hearing that I was overloaded with all this info & still haven't said anything to our 2 girls to this day, 3 yrs. later. Ex went to live with my daughter & now at this date, I live , too, in their RV next to the house that he lives in, with our daughter. I just live a very simple life , decided to try to forgive him, as we live, you might say, together again. We are up in our 80's now, trying to live like this is very difficult somedays as he is not at all pleasant any 1 day for longer than a minute to our son-in -law. Ex is broke , didn't plan for the future, and now couldn't rent a place anywhere, and neither can I. So I try to give them space, & truthfully, I like my space away from them too. Daughter & s.in law & I get along great, it's the ex that is the huge problem with all of us. So , basically that's my story of living with controlling person, had I known about narcissitic people sooner, I would have understood much more. But I was in denial for allot of happenings as I didn't want to listen to my gut feelings. The web of my life was so very complicated .

My husband, who has npd on the malignant end of the spectrum, uses every outing we go on to get his narcissistic hits of attention. As soon as we get someplace, a restaurant, a party at someone's house, a bar to hear music, it doesn't matter where...he creates a reason to ditch me and make a beeline for any other woman he thinks he can get some attention from. Or some woman he just stares at non stop until they have a mutual connection with each other, exchanging looks for the rest of the evening.. It's embarrassing how obvious he acts. He stares down waitresses to the point where they stare back at him until it's uncomfortable to even watch. He gets right in women's faces and acts like he is there to flirt, pick them out of the crowd and give more than a little attention to. It's demeaning, cruel and I've had several friends that have witnessed it comment on how over the top he looks and acts... one guy friend said he looks and oozes sleaze when I see him out, instead of being with you. He's an older guy and has to have this constant stream of sexual attention from other women and strangers. And bonus: we have zero intimacy in our marriage. Talk about hurt .. it's triangulation with strangers getting the intimacy I don't even get. But he's got his persona with people as he's such a great guy, he knows everyone, he's so friendly, etc. Nobody knows, except the past women in his other relationships, what he's really like behind closed doors. Jekyll and Hyde. So far, 3 infidelities in a year and a half... it's never enough.

@marlenewood3753

9 ай бұрын

Oh my God you have described my husband to a T. This is my life, more so in the last 7 years. He has to seduce every woman, the eye contact staring until they look back and then it's on all evening. It can be someone close by, a waitress, a bartender, someone in a store, anyone will do. I've tried talking to him about it for years, and all I get is gaslighting and denial. It didn't happen, I thought I knew her, you're crazy, I am spacing out etc. It's crazy making at its finest. Most of the time I just make sure to disappear for a while, spend lots of time in the bathroom, walk around, anything to get away from it. Recently I've started saying I just don't feel well and we leave. He will always ask "have I done something wrong" and I always say no, because it would then turn into him denying my reality, and it's a waste of energy. I feel better when I drive my own car and then I can just leave or I limit our outings. We don't have a lot of couple friends so when we are out it's usually just us two which makes it difficult to ignore. I know it has nothing to do with me, that he needs to prop up his fragile ego daily, but it's sad to watch, painful for me and clearly embarrassing and humiliating for both of us!

@bobleglob162

9 ай бұрын

If this is all true why the hell are you still with him????

@user-uq6ic8pw8x

4 ай бұрын

Biggest strength of NPD is that nobody else knows except you. These ppl will arrange everything in such a way that others will have absolutely no issues with the narc and it's hellish life for u. They rigg everything to counter each and everyone else. Bloody Soul catchers.

@globalgirl33

16 күн бұрын

And... Why are you with him?

Sometimes these videos feel like a psychic reading.It's so amazing to hear your experiences being described for what they are when you've for the longest time wondered if they even existed.

@kmoy

2 жыл бұрын

I wish I had this crystal ball when I was in that bad relationship. But we all will learn. Now I see it so clearly

My husband doesn't ever compare me to his ex's so to speak, he does it without saying it though by the amount of praise he would display for their accomplishments or looks. It used to hurt so much but I get why he did this now. This happened very early in the relationship, he doesn't do it anymore. And it used to mess with my mind because he'd never compliment me. He will also do nice things for people over me, like go out of his way to open shopping mall doors for any stranger while I'm left opening my door 😂 I laugh because I'm so enlightened by Dr Ramani as to why he does this. It's not about me, it's all on him. I am enough for him, for anyone actually. HE'S lucky to have me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your work, you are healing souls ❤️

@narcissisticabuseawareness3607

2 жыл бұрын

How do you cope now?

@claratreeborn8647

2 жыл бұрын

It can be so unspoken and hard to articulate! Thanks for sharing your story. It resonates with mine.

@claratreeborn8647

2 жыл бұрын

If you don't mind me asking, are you staying?

@Julianna-eo8no

2 жыл бұрын

@@claratreeborn8647 Hi, yes I'm staying. Trust me I have left many times. When I decided to put me first and my needs, and I stopped engaging with the toxicity so to speak, our relationship changed. His narccissm isn't about me. It's about him, I don't have to do the dance. How I see it is, his insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with me. I can't fix him, but I can manage and chose how I respond.

@Julianna-eo8no

2 жыл бұрын

@@narcissisticabuseawareness3607 I replied! I don't see it though?!

I’m hurting and going thru this alone. Truly by myself. As of yesterday I ended a 13 year relationship with my now ex (hurts to say that of him). He is blatantly in front of me seeing another girl. I’ve got zero self esteem no confidence at all. I feel head to toe completely ruined by him. Everything was my fault the entire 13 years. He told me (and I’m sure he knew it would hurt me by saying it) he told me that “now this is going to sound shallow but she is tight”. I lost it I left crying. I have no friends anymore. My mother whom I look after has Alzheimer’s. My son has mental health issues. They both live with me. I’m trying to stay afloat. I’m not able to share discuss anything anymore about my ongoings hurts etc…so here I am commenting. I’ve begun to watch the videos. I came across your name Dr. Ramani by simply scrolling thru videos. Nothing in particular. I’m glad I did. Al you say I can relate to or recognize the behavior regarding him. Thank you for the videos. Your taking the time to make them and for free is wonderful. I know your time is precious. I just wanted to end this by saying thank you to you. Very helpful and insightful.

@catherineharcourt8592

4 ай бұрын

Cheryl Wade your mud The other side is awesome. We are all alone even when in a room full of people. I left mine 4 weeks ago and more healing in that time than last four years and l lost my eldest son. Partner never once asked “how are you) I feel free to

@elizabethy2912

4 ай бұрын

You are not alone. I was with mine for 34 years. I am now taking care and living with my adult disabled daughter who is on the schizophrenic spectrum. You are NOT alone, but you have my sympathy, bc I know how hard this is!!

@michellemcmichael4680

3 ай бұрын

A year from now you won't even recognize yourself from your progress just keep going forward❤

@user-lw5nn3nt3r

2 ай бұрын

It's been 10 month since leaving , how r u feeling today

@cynthialammon710

2 ай бұрын

You are not alone. I went thru my marriage finding out about his issues. Psychopaths-Charmers, Grandiose Covert Narcissist, Crack addict. I went thru Hell!! They are purposed to destroy us. Destruction is of Satan. They could careless who they hurt. It's like a game & a joke to them. They will get what they deserve!!. At least you have 2 ppl to say hello to. I have no1! I am lonely, hurt & healing daily. He still tries to call & text. It's Satan trying to destroy us. You must have a sweet soul. Keep holding your head up & press on. Life will get better. Love on yourself!!!

This is "EXACTLY ' how it was with my ex!. He once told me, "You'd be surprised who wants what you got!" He would openly be "extra" friendly to the checkout girls at the grocery store! Then he would tell me I'm being insecure or jealous if I said anything about it! According to him, some other woman is always complimenting him or is always interested in him and he'd always made sure I knew about it. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@lydiapetra1211

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing....did he behave this way before you got married....my ex boyfriend started to say that to me after we broke up... you know I told you before everyone is always trying to set me up with women.... Yeah right...

Yes, I agree, lol, and heartbreaking. The comparison is constant. All the examples you are giving are true, exactly as you describe it, all of it💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani💕💕💕

@ladysigma9654

2 жыл бұрын

Everything to the T 🙄🤦‍♀️ Dr. Ramani is the only person who would understand me. 😔 I wish we were friends

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

@@ladysigma9654 Yes, she is amazing💖

@LG-kx8xl

2 жыл бұрын

A narc wants their partner to feel less than to give them power. Men often compare women & the narc can try to implant self doubt (ex. you're just insecure) or can go so far as to tell you what you feel (brain washing) saying things that are often not true (ex. you know you compare yourself & think you're not good enough.... but I don't know why). They are very manipulative.

@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876

2 жыл бұрын

@@LG-kx8xl Yes, you are right. thank you for the reply💜

@dancinina4592

2 жыл бұрын

Dude there's actually a possibility that it actually does break your heart but not in the way that we normally use the word but like in the sense of like how a machine breaks... like I just left the doctor and I'm in stage 2 hypertension and I'm in my 30s and I don't have a history of heart disease but two years of the mental emotional abuse and gaslighting and just crazy making non-functioning no reality or stolen reality may potentially actually break your heart in a sense of give you heart disease... they say stress contributes to heart disease well the mind-body connection is wreaked havoc on so enough of this of abuse or an extreme period of this abuse could potentially raise your blood pressure enough that you're in a hypertension state or category whatever

Yes, I agree; sometimes they make it seem innocent but they are really dishing it. They like inflicting pain that they cannot take a quarter of. Ignoring them and making them or whatever they’re doing seem irrelevant is one way of calling them out from my experience. Boy, does this make them cringe😅 Thank you Dr. Ramani for another good one.

My ex wife, who is a covert, triangulated with her late husband. I didn’t see it at the time, but looking back now, it’s clear as day.

What I have seen over, and over, and over is drawing other family members into arguments, including adult children, with absolutely no concern about inevitable collateral damage.

OMG YES, my husband is on Facebook all the time DM'ing with another woman, he insists I am being to sensitive and they are just friends. He makes me feel like a jealous over sensitive freak. But if I were the one doing it, I would be a cheater... the double standards just kill me. 29 years of this, but I am now trying to get up the nerve to just leave.... I have NO self esteem left. I never thought of our relationship like this, but it makes so much sense.

@annlatham

2 жыл бұрын

Same! We deserve better.

@sarahb3449

Жыл бұрын

If they refuse to own their behavior, there’s not much you can do about it. Having gone through something similar, I can tell you I’m so grateful to escape it. There is a weight lifted from my shoulders!

@fidelmashelton9491

Жыл бұрын

Know that feeling. Mind yourself you are so much better than having to put up with this.

@Caneladorada

Жыл бұрын

sending you strength and love🙏

@natashawiley

Жыл бұрын

Girl no mam

I found pictures of EX girlfriend on his phone that he downloaded from her social media. He made side-by -side comparisons of my photos next to hers- so creepy! Your description of the narcissist is spot on. They try to make you feel like you’re not good enough- because they know it’s the other way around.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

Robin Jean,You are beautiful 🌷,you don’t need a narcissist in your life!

@robinmichellejean

2 жыл бұрын

@@jackpetersen7545 Thank you 🙏🏻

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@robinmichellejean You are welcome dear.I am Jack from USA 🇺🇸.You?

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@robinmichellejean Which country are you from?

@petragrzetic

2 жыл бұрын

My God 💔

Everything you said is 100% spot on, I always felt like I wasn't enough and there's always someone else in the relationship. The openly flirting with waiters and then gaslighting afterwards: "you are too sensitive!" "oh! I forgot that you won't allow me to speak to other people." and then comparing me to his previously relationships in a sexual way. Later I found out that he's probably with 3+ guys at the sane time... I'm so glad that I made the decision to leave it all behind and go no contact. It's the only way to heal from a narcissist.

I’ll always remember this one time we went to this bar. She was openly flirting with the bartender and I actually felt like the third wheel. It was such a disheartening feeling. This went on the entire time I was there with her. And then the icing on the cake was, when I came back from the bathroom, there I saw her with her phone out showing him something. She probably got his number too…. I just felt like, why I am here? Am I here? And yet, I didn’t speak out about it. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was a spectator and felt powerless to stop it. Maybe because by this point, I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells and feared saying the wrong thing. But that night really sticks out to me.

He didn't triangulate too much but he really messed with my self esteem. He made sure to tell me about every girl who flirted with him and I used to keep the guys that flirted with me under wraps in fear of being accused of being unfaithful and I honestly really didn't want go make him uncomfortable because I remember how it made me felt when he told me he was being flirted with. One time I was on Instagram and I came across a picture of Selena gomez and I told him" she's so pretty I love her" and he looked at her and he was like "nah. I'll show you pretty" and he proceeds to show me a picture of a very beautiful light skinned blonde woman with blue eyes. She looked like him because he had those features and I felt really shitty because I've got brown eyes, tanned skin and dark wavy hair. He basically confirmed that a woman that he thought was exceptionally beautiful looked absolutely nothing like me and felt that it was okay to show me. He is white and truly believes that white people are the "master race" (classic covert narcissist 🙄) he had very strong political views but I always brushed it off and thought that he wasn't racist because he was with me and I'm not white. I also have acne and he never told me my acne was ugly but sometimes he would see people with acne and he would say "look at how their face looks. That's disgusting" he did that twice in the three years we've been together. And it was backhanded shit like that that really planted the seeds of destruction to my self esteem. He also tried to make it sound like his ex was constantly trying to get back with him which wasn't true. Because I reached out to her after we broke up (she had absolutely nothing to do with the breakup, I just needed answers for other stuff like how he treated her when they were together because I didn't just wanna accuse him of being a narc based on my experience alone. I lost the ability to trust myself and my own judgement after being with him. If he had been honest about his ex the few times he brought her up, then I wouldn't have been so jealous and insecure. He thrived off of it, it probably made him feel good. But whatever. I'm so done with him and his shit.

@agnesstrzykowska4300

2 жыл бұрын

Whoever, whatever race/ colour/ sexual orientation/ educational background you are... You are you! Someone does not like it? F***them! In my case it took 30 years to get it. Do not be like me.

@JR-dg5th

2 жыл бұрын

omg similar experience here. He would go on about brunette white women but never say anything flattering about women who look like me. He would say bad things about men of my race/ethnic category as well saying they are effeminate. Our kids are mixed race and he even said something that he thought i didn't hear one time. He told our son when he was a baby that he looked so cute because he [is white-passing]...um anyway. I got triangulated with his old ex gf from high school. They were both older than me by a few years. He did act like she was into him. I think she really was but I do believe he loved to see me get jealous and try to "win" him back. He definitely loved seeing me jealous and insecure because I was young and in a position to feel threatened by this cooler, older girl. He made her seem so cool and smart and everything. She was a brunette white girl too. hmm.

@liviamoreiralima3536

2 жыл бұрын

Racist people will marry the race they hate to feel superior. Mom is black and dad is white, my father has two lawsuits for being racist at work. Two! They will also use the mixed race relationship as a shield to cover up their ideals. I look white but I am mixed, and growing up in a house like that only messed my head up until I understood things clearer as an adult.... Watch out!

@liviamoreiralima3536

2 жыл бұрын

Also: Selena is the hottest , come on....... and a great example of coming back after that unfortunate Bieber phase

I was in one with my ex, his toxic mother and his toxic son. He used them to punish me and they went along with it as like a competition to get more of his attention. There was also his friends that ALWAYS came before me. I felt as though our child that we have together and myself were always last on his priority list.

@lc4972

2 жыл бұрын

I too, felt left out and last on the list.

@melaniekeeling7462

2 жыл бұрын

We always had a house full of "friends". No privacy, no intimacy.

@chitrarakshasi1661

2 жыл бұрын

The friends tho! Even when we became parents his friends took most of his free time smh they all come and like a temp cast of flying monkeys to his old supply searching play. I guess its easier to keep finding new audiences 🤔than to work on one's act🤓

@chitrarakshasi1661

2 жыл бұрын

Come and go

@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470

2 жыл бұрын

@@chitrarakshasi1661 at their convenience.🥴

Oof... my narc ex had a really, really weird relationship with her male cousin. She would constantly talk about him, how funny he was, wanted me to dress like him. They were uncomfortably close in person, she would even sit on his lap at times, which I found inappropriate, and most tellingly, she would always trash the girls he dated. The whole thing made me feel uncomfortable, not going to lie.

@bobleglob162

9 ай бұрын

He was bangin her

@nolantanaka565

6 ай бұрын

Do you live in the hills of Alabama?

@dawnmiller2483

6 ай бұрын

There’s a lot of inappropriate behavior with narcissists and family. Not always sexual, but sometimes. My mother praises the uncle who grabbed my ass when I was 10. She would use me as her confident when I was as young as 4 about deeply disturbing topics. There are never any real boundaries for them.

The first time I got the I’m replaceable treatment from my Narcissist I told him don’t let the door hit you in the ass! He whipped out future faking with your the woman I want to marry. Years into our relationship he had been gaslighting me and told me he wasn’t doing anything and gave access to his phone and iPad. I found everything unknown if he wanted me too or if he really thought I wouldn’t look through EVERYTHING. Crazy man both emotionally and physically cheated on me then when I started moving on got extremely jealous! WTF!

My husband has triangulated me with his mother for 13 years but I didn't even realize it until recently. I am divorcing him. Freedom is near!

I refuse to be in that kind of scenario I absolutely refuse to be!

Yes, yes, yes I certainly experienced this and when I tried to put a boundary in to say I found this behaviour disrespectful and uncomfortable. It was twisted back on me that I was overly jealous or controlling.

Amen. ‘Keeping you on edge’ is a perfect description.

I had to spend 6 hours with my son’s mother yesterday. She tried everything to make me jealous and my cognitive dissonance was horrific. Takes me about a week to recover every time I see her. Just hearing about my replacement is like a knife in the gut. These dynamics are very very real !!!!

@Dannniellleee

2 жыл бұрын

Can you try mantras and the broken record technique before, during, and after and encounter with her?? It could help! I started getting tattoos to help remember my values… seems drastic but I almost had to do it bc dealing with my family was so hard and it actually helped me begin to recenter my focus.

@mammadingo9165

10 ай бұрын

The week to recover is so real.

Dr Ramani, it's over a year since I first found your channel. I'm still amazed at how accurately you describe what my life was. I have gone through exactly all those exact examples you have given. The worst part is how this Narc wanted to drill it into my head that she was something special. Yet so shallow and predictable.

@marcossouzadias8824

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. I agree with every word. It’s amazing (sadly) how predictable it was and, even more, how this pattern seems to repeat almost universally according to the testimonies we read here.

Dr Ramani ~ you literally SAVED my life . I am an executive, running 3 Companies & I was so close to being extinguished. He is a criminal Narcissist & I was close to triggering him. Thank God you helped me navigate to safety . Phew …. It’s like you read my journal 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

This video hits hard, I'm not on social media, and she took advantage of it. She had a complete differn't life online, if I had issues with her talking to an old boyfriend or 5 of them, she called me paranoid. She is keeping her next victim close. So glad I found you Dr Ramani

My exhusband began flirting with waitresses and store clerks. He began acting like a weird old man. When we were newlyweds, he’d always compare me to his mother, and she’d compare me to “the one girl that got away.” I’m so glad to be out of all that.

8 min in & you've literally described my marriage perfectly. Those are the day to day things that get forgotten in the long term because of the choreographed bigger explosions!! It's all so disturbing to realize, even 1 year after getting out!

@fionaowen5164

2 жыл бұрын

Same here after getting out and looking back I see things so clearly with dr Ramani a help the triangulation games the fake future promises that were always just in reach but needed a little more time the breadcrumbs constant fights about leaving the house like a garage because in 20years he could put up a shed and used our home as storage The never wanting to do repairs around our home excuse we don't have the money but paying for a membership at shooting club purchasing an air rifle and cylinder. Yet he would buy curtains because we didn't have money Using my son's birthdays as reasons to buy what he wanted eg computor tv etc and using his friend's wife birthday party to celebrate his sons birthday cheapskate while buying a birthday cake to show up at his friend's wife party His idea of a good night out to drive to a carpark then sit in the car on his phone ignoring everyone Our other days out only existed if we went with his friends then all his attention was on them again we were nearly noticed but he would be saying how good it was to get out with the family to them If we went shopping for clothing he would get so angry afterwards it just applied the whole day But he would be on the phone telling his friends how he had taken us out on a shopping trip it was bizarre and only after he has left am Finally realising just what he was doing

You are unveiling all that I was going through in my absurd 6 months relationship with this man! On his mother's funeral day he went as far as contacting all his exes without even telling me, and brutally sending me away because he had to speak to a particular ex and I was not allowed to hear the conversation! He calls her a "spiritual friend" and not an ex, eventhough they had sex for 1 or 2 yrs. That's the day I left from his house. So painful. Thank you, I am learning better, for the future, thanks to you!

I think this is the thing that’s hit hardest… that the love bomb stage is so good, you don’t want to lose it. For me accepting this was not real is just the hardest thing ever. I have been caught twice in the last 10 years… and I’m terrified of acting and lies now where my emotions are concerned.