What have you learned from your epic fails?

@kaydence1000

3 жыл бұрын

I learned to take time and make a choice instead of delaying the decision. 🙃

@Boomkop3

3 жыл бұрын

backup your files

@frank1803

3 жыл бұрын

I learned failing is okay.... l learned it is okay to be wrong. It pokes the 'ego' in the eye!

@EnaTenkiyoGamer

3 жыл бұрын

Telling the truth

@haybale2211

3 жыл бұрын

My biggest failure was depending on a psychological therapists like you for help. You do know that your entire field is a fraud right?

It’s so important to us when people that hold these positions are transparent. Understanding that everyone’s human goes a long way for everyone.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind comment!

@reallifepsych3309

3 жыл бұрын

@@drali Thanks, your channel inspired mine. I hope one day we can work together!

This was so great. It's so easy to assume everyone else but me has figured everything out and to feel like I'm the only "failure and loser". But in reality, everyone struggles. Everyone fails. Life is HARD.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

And I’d argue you can’t have long term success without failure, learning how to deal with that, and growing from it.

I'm telling you, your transparency is helping SO many people. Your experience at St. E reminds me of am experience I had right after graduating. Man, if someone had spoken to me like this to let me know I'm not the only "failure," i would've been able to recover from that rut so much sooner and better. You're doing a great work here !

Clicked on this video expecting it to be one of those cliched, motivational type videos, but I was blown away by your honesty here and could relate to a lot of the feelings you described! Keep doing more of these!

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Haha, if you want those types of videos check out my early stuff. Glad you’re here and thanks for your kind comment!

I applied for a not-very-selective second-year fellowship in social work school for which I was very qualified. I was rejected out of hand and had to scare up a second-year fellowship at a moment's notice. I was sent to a psychoanalytic institute, and was grateful to just have a place to hang my hat for the year. I still rent space from them twelve years later, and I am a very happy therapist now--which was not what I went to social work school to do! But god, was I mortified when I bombed that fellowship. Only eleven applicants for six spots, in a specialty in which I had spent the prior ten years volunteering! Luckiest miss of my life; it stung in the moment.

This video puts many aspects into perspective and gives me a chance to think differently. Thanks for sharing !

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it resonated! Thank you for commenting!

This is such an important video. It is, in my opinion, so important for people who are accomplished, to show that they didn't get there as an easy path, but that everything takes work and practice, and that there will be bumps on the road. That is what I like about you channel, that you don't try to give the impression of a person that got it all together, but show you are an actual human being, it makes it more relatable. And then there is the nerdiness, which makes it quirky and fun. LLAP and DFTBA Actual Doctor Ali 😉

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!! There’s a lot of pressure to appear like you have it all together...but that doesn’t exist for anyone.

This is a great video idea. Others should do the same. Not only is it transparent but it levels the field and helps everyone feel more relatable and equal. It is also an equal give and take for connection to your followers. Thanks for the video.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this kind comment!!!

Congrats on getting your 100K plaque! I think it’s always great to reflect on what didn’t go well, so that you can be better next time :)

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

just thinking about getting in to this feild and love how down to earth and giving u are and how welcoming you are to the feild and how open you are

Ali, your videos have always inspired me! So, keep up the great work and thank you very much!

Congrats on the 100k, but it would have been so much more satisfying if you hung up the award at the same level as the picture next to it!😂 It is refreshing to hear a therapist admit that they are human too. My biggest mistake in therapy was/is telling my therapist what i think they want to hear/expect me to say. Realised that this week, feels like I wasted 10 years of therapy (i know i didnt, but it feels that way though)

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Haha, my wife noticed that too and I’ve since moved the award. I’ve also made the same mistake in my therapy. Took me a long time to learn how to be honest with myself.

This was so healing to watch. I'm very glad I discovered your channel.

This is the video that makes me wanna stick around and subscribe. Thanks for being so open with your failures and sharing them with such honesty. Your willingness to share your vulnerability and let people see the real you, and stand up from your obstacles is so inspirational!

Great to see you again! Congrats btw! Also, please upload more, I wanna see more videos, they’re amazing!

Thank you for your transparency! This helped so much!

I really love the genuine honesty and openness of this video, thanks for sharing!

This is great, thanks for being brave and sharing. Failures are more valuable than successes.

I love how real you are. Thank you so much for being honest!

Thank you for sharing such vulnerable moments in your life. Thank you kindly!

Your channel is the BEST channel I have ever seen for Psychology.

Thank you so much for your candor and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your honesty and humanity are inspiring. You are such a role model.

Great video Dr Ali I loved the part where you mentioned that it is not about being liked by your patients but it is important to build that trust between you and your patient. Congrats on hitting 100k subscribers

This was actually so inspiring to listen to! I struggle with a lot of anxiety and I recognized so many of the behaviors you described that lead to trouble down the line. Honestly, it's really nice to know I'm not the only one. To me, a couple of these fails really weren't as bad as you described them. For example, the student loan world is so predatory, it's really not fair to yourself to put all the blame of that onto yourself, though I totally get why you'd feel that way. Also, I actually think it's really cool that you had so much dedication and conviction to make a video, even if it didn't work out. The fact that you took all those steps alone is pretty awesome imo!

Thank you for sharing as mental health providers we often don't share our challenges and failures that made us who we are today. I am a Master's Level Social Worker but have minor in psychology. I am glad that you are able to share and encourage others to learn from mistakes. Keep up the great work and congrats on the silver play button.

Love your authenticity.

Treasure your failures. They teach us so much. Thanks for sharing. I don't have any intentions of becoming a therapist, but learning from a therapist is very valuable to me for furthering my abilities to empathize and understand other people better.

Loved this video, sir. Congrats on getting your yt silver play button

I really appreciate your humility and vulnerability. As a Licensed Psychologist myself, I can only imagine what you must of gone through, mostly on your own from the sound of it, with your brother’s suicide and your dissertation challenges...and, yet, still graduate and obtain your license. Graduate school is hard enough on its own! What an incredible example of fortitude, perseverance in the face of immense adversity, and willingness to face one’s struggles. Thank you for your work and I value your mission in this KZread channel.

This video was great! Thank you for sharing your failures with us as you continue to grow and expand your successes.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

‘Celebrating all the failures which have led to this success today!’ You’re such an admirable human being Dr Ali. Picked up a lot from your personal journey! 😊

i usually never comment but i just wanted to thank you for all the work you put into doing these videos. your advice has helped me a lot and listening you talk ab certain topics really makes me feel understood and not alone. and also congrats on the 100k :)

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the taking the time to share this, Beatrice! It means the world to me and helps me to keep making more videos.

My biggest regret is probably waiting too long to get in true contact with my own emotions. Such an honest and valuable video! I am also a psychologist, who does KZread, but I am doing drumcovers, which is a nice change of pace for me. I hope your channel will become even bigger. You have such a kind and honest way of communicating, I really admire that.

This was such a sobering and helpful video. Thank you so much Dr. Mattu! And congratulations on all the success!!! 🍾🥂💃💃💃

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you and I’m happy you found it helpful!!!

Dr. Ali Mattu, I love your videos! Congrats on that sweet plaque.

You are so so amazing! Thanks for sharing, this video is a masterpiece.

You’re brave and I appreciate your honesty!!

oh wow, nice to see you in a vid again. Thanks for the great videos!

Congratulations on the 100k doc.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

This was so helpful to watch, thank you so much! The dissertation one hit me, I am doing my Masters thesis and I have a feeling I might be on a similar path like your first dissertation 😅 I would love to have another video on how that process was like

I am going to use this video with my high school students for all the life lessons packed in there. Thanks!!

this was very needed and i think you connected with us on a different level with this. :)

I appreciate your honesty so much

You are 2 good to upload this!!!

I *love* the vulnerability. So good!!

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for being here and sharing your kind comment!

Thank you fo this honest, raw, personal story. Being human makes you prone to failure, but certainly relevant to all of us fellow humans.

Great to see a new video! More please!

This was massively helpful. As a Master of Social Work student training to become a mental health clinician (and considering additional coursework down the line to apply for an MS/PhD in Psychology), I have so much imposter syndrome and fear because of things like my debt and poor financial management, and other secret failures, that I've been thinking, "I can't become a clinician while failing in these areas... What will people think? What business would I have in the 'helping' role?" This video helped me realize that a) you can be a skilled clinician and still make big mistakes or struggle with other areas of your life, and b) that I can also (maybe) choose to start doing differently. So, thank you.

@drali

Жыл бұрын

So happy to hear you found it helpful!

Thank you for sharing!

As someone who looks up to you, this video is so validating! I know that exact dissertation deadline and also took another year because it would have been too stressful to try to cram it in with everything else in my life, even as most of my cohort applied to internship the year before me. A clinical epic fail I think about a lot is clumsily addressing cultural differences with patients. I am pretty confident one patient didn’t return specifically because of how awkwardly I tried to address that. I have improved over time, but that’s still something I’m working on. The lesson is definitely that if I’m anxious about it, that is communicated to the patient as this area being unsafe - the exact opposite of what I’m going for but something I need to be aware of to reach my actual goal.

Great video that does a great job of humanizing psychologists. Enjoyed how you used examples from different areas and times of your life. I can very much relate to the "just don't open the mail" strategy of dealing with bills; I did that for about 5 years after grad school.

Thank you for being honest!!!💗

Oh you deserve more views. You're great.

It is better to have tried, failed and learn from it than not even giving myself a chance.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

💯

Thank you sir for motivating me and many others to not be scared of making a mistake.

your channel helps me so much!

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!! This means a lot to me!

No offense to your other video but doc, this is perhaps my favorite video of yours! Look how far you have come from just a year ago. Congrats on 216K, and I'm grateful for the youtube algorithm recognizing you and pushing your video to me. My epic failure is giving up on my second BA dissertation. I had so much depression and criticism for not being good enough about - honestly, a vague sense of everything - that I failed to get my degree and furthermore felt like a failure. Now I regret it and understand how perfectionism can jeopardize what I want in life.

The parts about dissertation and student loans hit painfully close to home.

Thx for everything, im am in my first course of psychology right now in part because of you

My mentor explained my thesis the way you explained your second dissertation. Great advice!

My epic fail is saying yes to doing tasks that I can't complete because I have too much to do already. I also have to be compassionate about my limitations as a person with a disability I'm constantly trying to compare myself to others and instead of trying to blaze my own path figuratively speaking.

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your failures with us. Your failures made me realized that I am not alone and for me to become someone that I always dreamed, I have to fail 1st. Most of psychologist out there just share their success not their failures and it hurts because you ask yourself if you'll ever be in their position. So thank you so much for this video. May God bless you!

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your kind comment!

@MagisterialVoyager

3 жыл бұрын

I agree! ❤️

Thank you for sharing this!! I felt that failure is not something that we talk often. Especially in a very competitive environment like mine (and maybe yours too), success is often defined as the only option if you want to be able to compete with others in life. It made me develop a very bad mentality though. I became afraid to make mistakes and to fail. I developed anxiety due to being a perfectionist and idealist because I didn't want others to find out what's lacking in me. I put my own standard of perfection so high that I wasn't able to get anything done and when I wasn't able to achieve what I expected myself to achieve, suddenly I felt so incompetent. In a short period of time, I don't see myself as having "the ability" to do anything in life and I start seeing other people as much more superior than me. I went from one extreme to the other end of extreme and man I tell you it was so exhausting 😁 I am afraid of failure because I had the tendency to assume that I will always be successful. Hence, I have never prepared the possibility of myself ever failing. I have only prepared myself to be successful haha. Such a bad combination I have (Perfectionism+Idealism+Fear of failure+Anxiety) Just recently I find myself come in to term that I will do something in my ability and I'll embrace failure (if I fail) rather than "running around" trying to avoid it. I will try to focus on the task I'm doing WITHOUT overassuming that it will go smoothly and successfully. I'll see what happen then.. 😌 Sorry for the long rant. Enjoy your life everyone~

Awesome.congratulations

Thank you for sharing! And I can so much relate to the credit situation, even if I did not go the traditional education route, it is so easy to overspend on courses and workshops and with the monthly & business expenses on top, add to that personal therapy & supervision, it is really a challenge.

Thank you for sharing the brave part about your brother.

One of my biggest mistakes was pretending I was fine after I had an accident. I could have been permanently blind and that thought scared me to death so I ignored, ignored, and ignored it but now every time someone brings it up I want to burst into tears. I should've been honest with my friends so I maybe didn't have to struggle so much behind closed doors

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Difficult lesson to learn. It can be so hard to be honest with ourselves and those we are closest to. That seems to be what’s most necessary for healing and growth.

@MagisterialVoyager

3 жыл бұрын

I am in the same boat, friend. Recently, I just rediscover a trauma and I am so weak and scared right now.

@inconnu4961

3 жыл бұрын

A lot of us were brought up with a 'just walk it off' mentality, and even though that is useful in many ways, to not allow set-backs to set us back, and to move past small pains that life throws our way, but when it reaches place of personal trauma, then the walk it off advice is harmful. I hope you will overcome it relatively easily. Good luck to you!

thank you sir . u are the best

I have some lecturers who I look up to. Their knowledge and confidence astounds me and makes them appear superhuman. It wasn’t until I got on the same train and had a conversation with this person, who was essentially my idol, that I realised they were a human being as well. That realisation of humanity allowed me to relate to them more, and their knowledge and status seemed achievable to me. This video does much the same.

Thank thank you for making this video. I am someone with undiagnosed ADHD and pursuing clinical psychology as a career. I was Lucky to have work with others in dissertation but my past failure make me feel to huge of the amount will never about to achieve success. I don't have qualifications for the same way my neurotypical peers have in their shining resume. I cry everytime if i meant for success though your video actually remind that their are failure behind success. I don't know how to handle failure. I make excuse for everything but I want to better myself.

Thanks for sharing

@drali

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for your comment!

Great information your are sharing. Let's keep educating on Mental Health

I really appreciate you talking about all of your grad school fails. I can feel many of them. You really made me feel much better about my student loan situation. I definitely did save some money as I got two graduate degrees at the same time. That part not a fail. But I took out extra money that I didn’t or shouldn’t have either. Thanks for sharing. Also, I am in the process of applying to a clinical psychology program. But I have no plans to take out any loans. I have a plan in place just to pay it out of pocket.

Thanks for this video. It becomes easy to feel like you're not good enough or too stupid when you make a mistake in an environment where everyone hides their mistakes like in academia & professional workfields.

Fantastic vid

@drali

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

Congrats, Ali!

Thank you for making this video. One of my epic fails was failing my AS and A level exams in a subject like English language which is considered a very menial subject in a country like India It impacted the way college HODs viewed me as to what kind of student I would be But I am glad the way things are going on, they are way different that they were a few years back.

Great video! Can you talk about failures with clients? I'm a new MSW and I have so much fear about messing up with clients

Wow this is the most interesting video I've ever seen on your channel. I always wondered what life and work balance was like for grad students. Especially for someone who had a death in the family. Also the anxiety internship clinic experience is interesting. How would you approach these clients with a their possible diagnosis.

I enjoyed watching this video regarding epic fails. I agree with Dr Ali that when we're going through college there is not enough counseling regarding just basic survival while in school and giving you good guidance regarding your use of student loans. When I was in high school those survival techniques were taught but that was many years ago. I'm not sure what they're teaching students in high school and college now but it definitely needs to be improved as so many of them end up becoming heavily in debt. Students shouldn't dread graduating, they should be celebrating.

Congrats!!!!!😘👏👏👏👏👏

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

Due to struggles w unknown anxiety and other mental health issues, I failed two colleges and thought I’ll never be able to help people in psychology type jobs. Recently, I proved that wrong by graduating as a peer support specialist and it’s given me to confidence to fill out my fafsa to complete the last 3 classes for my psych degree. Life finds a way to get you want you want in unexpected ways.

I am a Psych Major & my interests are in personality disorders, depression, and suicide. Can you do a video on narcissistic personality disorder & histrionic personality disorder? Your videos are so helpful!

This is awesome. Unfortunately my fears have probably cost the folk I work with time energy and money.

Love your videos, provide so much insight into the field. I always wanted to be a therapist and recently began applications for counseling psychology but honestly no longer feel capable after having worked with foster youth. There’s so many people that come in and out of the kids lives it’s hard to get through to them with the constantly instability. How did you stay so focused on wanting to finish school/ graduate? like did you ever doubt want to finish or if it was the right field for you?

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

I definitely struggled with finishing and staying motivated. Here are some videos about that: kzread.info/dash/bejne/nI541smid7uycqg.html kzread.info/dash/bejne/oJmZypJ6k8aZmpM.html What kept me going was my love of psychology. It also took a lot of trial and error to figure out what areas of practice were the right fit for me. But that’s all part of the process.

Hey doctor! Been watching your videos for awhile now and it keeps inspiring me every time. Currently working on my associates for psychology! 🙏🏻Cheers.

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your kind comment, it inspires me to keep making videos!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

Awesome! I love your videos! I'm learning a lot!!! Thank you! I don't know if my epic fail could be getting a BA in Psych at age 41 in English having a family, two kids ... After 2 years I'm still wondering when I'm gonna get a real hands on job. I'm considering my master's degree to start this fall but some days I'm not sure if I want to invest on this. I'm afraid some days and completely disappointed. That's not me 😖 Any advice!

I am Bipolar. I am so emotional trying to find the right med combo and regulate myself that I could pass for Borderline. I hated some of my professors. One was semi racist and another was a pompous bully talking about his education at Stanford all the time as if he wanted us to worship him like he worshiped professor. That professor tried to kick me out of the class when he found out I was auditing a class. I had already taken the class at community college, but was weak on a bulk of the chapters. So, I thought this was a good idea, to make sure I didn't have gaps with him next year. But, this jerk cornered me into a piano six inches away from my face asking in a threatening way if we could see his boss, my academic advisor. Jerk complained that at Standard professors could drop anyone and he didn't think he got paid for people auditing his class. I had to start therapy, had nervous breakdowns, was forced to quit his class after he kept making me do mandatory meetings about staying in the classroom. And, not once did I ever put on a professor's review that the person should not be a professor ever. Very few people break down as much as I do, and I even got the professor to compliment me on my music arrangements. Having someone who hated me and graded my compositions with high marks was the highest compliment. Thanks to him, I switched from voice to music arranging to graduate when I lost my voice. Never would have had the confidence if he wouldn't have been an excellent teacher even though the rest of the class fired him in reviews for personality issues. Perhaps you took some with a 4.0 or someone near high marks down with a lower grade. But, from someone who overreacts a lot - I think you didn't ruin their life. You just ruined their ideal of what they hoped to be and achieve.

I’m a new counselor that just graduated in August and because I’m not currently working due to Covid I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my skills and screw up when I start working

@BALTHAZAAR58

3 жыл бұрын

You won't lose all your skills, but you are definitely going to screw up at least a few times. That's not a bad thing, though! I've found that my screw-ups have been some of the richest veins in therapy, and I'm sure you've seen the same thing. Especially with patients who are used to the people in their lives refusing to take responsibility for their own screw-ups, or even refusing to acknowledge the hurt they've caused. Addressing and repairing the rupture can be so healing. Congratulations on graduating!

Thanks

@drali

Жыл бұрын

No problem!

I learned that recognizing failures is one thing, tackling everything that prevents me from growing after failing is totally another thing and it's hard as life itself. And i have SO MUCH to learn that probably, when I will finally be what i want to be (if i manage to understand that 100%, and to be that person), i won't even be totally happy, because of all the lost years. I'm also going to therapy for that, don't worry XD I'm working on a lot of stuff about myself.

Too many failures to really point to just one but I will say a thing you mentioned in the video is what I have learned from just about all of them. I have had to define what success is for me rather than basing it on what I think other people might see as success or even what they have told me they see as success. Best example is my grandfather who raised me. He expected I'd go to college get a degree of some kind and get a solid career. He never finished high school but he had the benefit of getting in to good labor unions early in life. Like the 1950s. I however am a millennial with General Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Depression and I'm probably on the Autism spectrum. I did eventually get an A.A. at the age of 35 but none of the things I thought I would do as a career are really things can do. There is always some part of who I am that makes it a bad idea for me to pursue. So I have had to figure what really is success to me versus what my grandfather thought was success. I have a good chooses family, a roof over my head, food on my table and I get to do many things that I love. I do a pretty basic job 9-5 but it one I found I'm suited for and a boss who understands my needs. Mental Health days are a valid reason to take a day off in my work. For me this is success. To my grandfather it looks like laziness and doing just enough but not trying hard. I don't talk to him much anymore because he makes me feel like a failure when I know I'm not.

My journey in psychology has been plagued by my own epic character flaws, I’ve learned so much along the way, but it took me a long long time. Trying to go it alone is a terrible idea for cracking the code or path to professional practice I’d imagine in any career. I consider myself highly intelligent, but I was inept when it came to assertiveness and asking for real help. Intelligence isn’t enough. Hard work and willingness to admit limits and reach out is so much healthier. So I’m in my early 40’s practicing under supervision at the masters level in psychology which is allowed in my state. Knowing all I do now, I would say read read read, and ask ask ask, along with hard work. I’d definitely skipped the masters program and applied myself toward preparation for a PhD. Seems out of reach at this point in life. Very difficult to do with family and financial obligations. Start early if possible.

good video :)

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Hello Dr. Mattu!! This was an incredibly inspirational video. I am also an aspiring psychologist and something that has been causing me great anxiety are student loans that I will potentially accrue. How did you navigate getting married and having a child with these student loans? How did you manage wedding costs?

Great video! Have you read a lot about HSP and Dr. Aron’s research? A lot of people with HSP have anxiety issues. We get overstimulated nervous systems, but for very different reasons than people who are on the autism spectrum. Sometimes psychologists get these two things confused. Have a great day.

Great topic! Congrats on 100 000 subscribers! ^_^ Can you please link your dissertation on hairpuling disorder? :D What I've learned from my faliures? That even though perfectionism can sometimes help me it can also be unhelpfull (but i forget that sometimes and then I have to learn it again... that ain't no fun xD

@drali

3 жыл бұрын

You might like these links better than my dissertation: alimattu.com/blog/2010/10/7/a-beginners-guide-to-treating-trichotillomania-separating-sc.html www.bfrb.org/

@MistyFlyingCherryROR

3 жыл бұрын

@@drali Tnx for the reply and link :) I do know some bacis about trich. It's just that I've started wondering how come that people have this disored. What is the reason to start hairpulling? Whatever the reason is, why does it expresses as hairpulling and not in some other form? Ok, it's probably genetical predispositions for annxiety disorders, but it's like wierd (I don't mean in a bad way I just can't find another word), it's strange, complex. What are people getting from hairpulling, what is meaningfull for them when they are preforming that behaviour?

Super video! I applauded for $5.00 👏👏

@drali

Жыл бұрын

Yay! Thank you!!!!