My parents lived together for a year or so before getting married. My dad moved in with my mom. My mom went on a vacation with a couple of friends, and she asked my dad to watch over her house and keep the cats fed while she was gone. When my mom got back, my dad kinda just didn't leave...

My wife and I bought a house together a year before we married. We have been married now for 7 years and have two children. Co-habitation before marriage is definitely working for us. Marriage shouldn't change a relationship; it should be a celebration of the relationship you already have. If someone needs to get married to make their relationship work, then the relationship isn't working and isn't going to work.

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

Very good point. But would your marriage have been a failure or unsuccessful if you HADN'T lived together? I'm a Christian and I will whole heartedly disagree with the notion that co-habitation leads to an unsuccessful marriage...honestly it's ridiculous, as in order to live together successfully...you need to have the same things that will lead to a successful marriage. But my point is that in the same way, co-habitation doesn't, in itself, lead to a good marriage. My guess is if you and your wife...for whatever reason...hadn't lived together for a year prior...I'm going to take a guess that you're relationship probably wouldn't be much different than it is now, as all the things that made your marriage/relationship a success were already there before you moved in together.

4th reason to live together before you get married. You don't have to drive anymore for 4 am booty calls.

@danakscully64

10 жыл бұрын

Distance was a huge issue with my ex and I. We weren't even living that far apart (about 30 miles), but traffic made it a battle. Southern California freeways are a nightmare. My current boyfriend and I moved in together last week, we were sick of the commuting too. Makes sex more accessible, that's for sure.

It seems logical to assume that living together before marriage would help a relationship but in actuality, there is evidence to support the fact that couples who live together before marriage tend to divorce earlier than couples that don't and that couples that live together without being married on average break up sooner than couples that don't live together

@fakeguy6835

3 жыл бұрын

where'd you pull those numbers from?

@saraandstuartshannon2160

3 жыл бұрын

Phage CR there are many studies, but here is one: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201811/living-together-marriage-may-raise-risk-divorce

@raqiyahyah

3 жыл бұрын

True studies shows

@XxgrowthxspirtxX

3 жыл бұрын

@@saraandstuartshannon2160 it's even noted by the researchers that younger, economically disadvantaged individuals are more likely to cohabitate. That's not an indictment of cohabitation, that's evidence that young people are not prepared for big life steps like marriage.

most people would never buy a car without test driving it first

@BorgMuffinMan

10 жыл бұрын

That's an incredibly good metaphor

@zinc20L

10 жыл бұрын

or atleast kick the tires

@pappavoodoo4166

10 жыл бұрын

That it is the worst example. People are not inadament objects.

@DurpenHeimer

10 жыл бұрын

derek d kick the spouse

@maanwarsd

10 жыл бұрын

+DurpenHiemer Lol! :)

Too many marriages end in divorce. Living with the person could really help you know if the person really is right for you.

@HerveyShmervy

3 жыл бұрын

Well actually it statistically doesn't change the odds of having a successful marriage

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

but people also live together get divorce its not about living together see this is why for an atheist marriage is dumb because you have no one to look to as a christian are example of love is jesus in what jesus did for us in the bible jesus said that you should lay your life down for someone you love in that how christians but for an atheist who tell you about love a bunch of you do what you feel go with your feelings in bunch of experts who been divorce a thousands times.

My wife and I just got married. We lived together for 5 years beforehand. We met online, on an MMO, and I eventually moved in with her. Now, after 6+ years of knowing each other, we are married. Let me give some advice to those in weird situations; There is no magic transformation that occurs when you get married. Just be true to yourself and to each-other.

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

so again this worked for me not even hey maybe so and so is not comfortable with this maybe they really love god in want to honor them but that should go out the window cause you dont believe in a god again not selfish at all.

@Odin50Cal

2 жыл бұрын

@Cardboard Cape we had a state Sanctioned marriage in a courthouse. God has nothing to do with it. Still together after 12 years. No infidelity, no abuse, not many Christians can say the same.

Exactly! I lived with my wife a year before we married, no surprises after the wedding. People were weird about the fact that we transitioned so easily and rapidly, probably because they think that marriage is some spell that is cast upon people to behave differently.

Another way of putting it is that it is kind of stupid to marry someone with whom you have never had sex and with whom you have never lived together. Sex and cohabitation are important in a relationship, one would tend to believe...

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

Sex is important but I'm thinking your angle is that you need to have sex to make sure you're "compatible", that's more so another way of saying "I have to make sure my partner does everything I want sexually or they're no use to me". It usually shows an attitude of "me first" which is going to eventually ruin any relationship. If you're focused more on what makes you happy instead of what makes your partner happy...you shouldn't be in a relationship

@LegionarioCruel

10 жыл бұрын

Brett Daley - I never implied that in my comment. I say sex is a relevant part of getting along well with your important other. You could very well engage in pre-marital sex just to be sure you are actually making your partner happy in that department. No "me first" egotistical stuff about it.

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

True, but more often or not when you hear people...I'll admit, mostly guys, use this line of not being "sexually compatible" it usually has to do with something along the lines of their partner not giving them the type of sex they want (I have a specific example in mind but I'll keep things PG on here lol).

My partner and I have been shacking up for 22 years. His parents would LOVE for us to get married, but so far; we see no reason to get the government involved. If we ever do, it will be for insurance or something. But right now, his company covers domestic partners. So, we’re good. We’ve outlasted most of the marriages of most of our friends.

The argument is not that you spoil something too early, but you may be sleeping with someone else's future wife. You can get married as early as 18. Nothing you mention is "solved" by co-habitation.

So true. If couples lived together before marriage it might stave off some of the really big problems young couples face early on...not to mention in some cases living together might make both parties realize that the person they're thinking of marrying isn't really compatible. But then religion has to jump in and ruin everything by yelling, "SIN, SIN!!!"

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

Possibly...however it's not like issues aren't visible when a couple isn't living together. Sure it may amplify things, but the issues don't suddenly arise when you move in together. They're present already...the thing is how hard are people looking for them and/or are they just choosing to ignore them. I think the bigger issue for religious couples who don't live together until they are married is that they see the issues in the other person but are afraid, or don't want to address them before marriage. So it's more so a case of young couples needing more mature advice, then just simply living together

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

A friend of mine is in the army and deployed overseas. He dated his GF through HS, and about a year after graduation he got engaged to her, and a year later they were married. They also never lived together, mainly because for those two years after HS they rarely were on the same continent together. I don't know if they would have lived together prior to marriage had he not been deployed, but the fact was they weren't. They went on to have a great marriage, and actually didn't have sex until their marriage as well. Part of this was because she didn't want to have sex while they were still in HS (he never fully told me her reason, and it's none of my business) and then after he left they never really had a real chance to do it until the wedding. I never recall hearing him complaining about it, but that's also because they understood something at a really young age, that sex wasn't the whole thing in a relationship, there's lots of people who have said they had great sex with their partner, but the relationship was horrible. Again, had he been around home for those two years, would they have had sex? Maybe, I don't really know, but the fact is they didn't, and it didn't really seem to damage their relationship or put any undo stress on them. All of that to say, it's ultimately the individuals who determine the success of a relationship. Not how much sex they had before getting married, not how long they lived together before being married, it comes down to are they able to communicate, compromise, and give up selfish attitudes in order to make a relationship or marriage work? That's the crux of it, the rest of this stuff is really inconsequential

I disagree, as the issue of a lack of communication between a couple does not get better by living together. The referenced author would have still had the same issues. A more reallistic way to resolve the issues would be promoting better communication, perhaps with assistance from a counselor, prior to marriage. Cohabitation does not solve or even address the issue.

I agree 100%. I'm so happy my wife and I lived together for a while before we got married. Sure we have our "fights", as any relationship would have, but it's never been over issues of how we live together

So why bother getting married if you are already living together?

@typhoonic

10 жыл бұрын

legal binding and tax breaks mostly

@SpaceTiger003

10 жыл бұрын

Marriage only complicates things. It's an expectation placed on us by religion that has bled over into government. You don't need marriage to love each other until death. Or to stay together. And, if you decide to separate, there aren't any nasty and costly legal battles.

@KittenWarlock

10 жыл бұрын

Violence is the Question Yeah but unfortunately the goverment gives tax benefits to married couples.

@iiwha8082

10 жыл бұрын

Besides, why does marriage have to be between only two people anyway? Why does it have to be between a man and a woman, what is wrong with two women marrying each other, or two men?

@genisystem1485

10 жыл бұрын

jwi-jma Gay marriage should be legal and is in some places. As for the multiple people marriage, the reason it isn't allowed is to put a limit on how many partners can get the economic benefits of the marrige. The amount of allowed partners will likely be increased in the future.

Regarding 4:05, it should be pointed out that NOT living together has never stopped people from having sex before marriage. Anyone who thinks living together promotes premarital sex and not living together will prevent it is just deluding themselves.

Right to know each other is important before marriage. That's why arrange marriage sucks.

Thank You for the video, very insightful.

That was actually one of the conditions my mom had before she married my dad. She had 2 very bad marriages before she started dating my dad, so she had learned her lesson. She made him date her for 7 years and they had to live together for at least one of those years before she would agree to marry him. She wanted to make sure they'd still be able to stand being around each other when when they were stuck together ALL THE TIME.

Great video! My boyfriend and I both agree we are too young to get married right now (we're both in our early 20s) but we're planning on moving in together. My mother at first told me I should think about it because living together miht lead to arguments we might break up over. I said, that's part of the reasons why it's a good idea. If we ever reach the point where we get married, we'll have to live together anyway so it's best we know in advance whether or not it will work out.

I think your totally right on this one.

I think Hemant missed one significant reason why couples who live together before marriage tend to have higher divorce rates: those without the religious hang-ups concerning premarital sex and cohabitation are also more likely to see divorce as a reasonable step to take in a marriage that is broken. Cohabitators are far more likely to be independent-minded people and far less likely to just suck it up and put up with marriages afflicted by infidelity, spousal violence, lack of affection, or loss of connection. Independent-minded people don't care a great deal about what people outside their relationship think about cohabitation, and likewise, they are less likely to be concerned about staying together simply for appearance's sake. It's difficult to compare these two groups, because their values and motivations are so completely different.

I may be older than most of the previous commenters (I'm 53), and this doubtless affects my views on the matter of living together before marriage. I was raised in an era when cohabitation without marriage was pretty much unthinkable. I don't remember when I first heard of people forming households ("shacking up") without getting married. Perhaps around the time I graduated from high school (1979). As it happens, I became a fiercely devoted evangelical Christian during my senior year, and remained one for the next 25 years, so obviously "living together" was completely immoral in my view. Now I am no longer an evangelical or even much of a theist. The Bible is definitely not my guide to morality--it is far to debased for that! But still, I have a strong sense that if a couple wants to cohabit they should get married FIRST. Not later, not after a trial period, but before moving in together. I have three children. The oldest two are Christians and the oldest is already married. My younger son is an atheist, which doesn't bother me a bit. However, after I learned of this through his Facebook label of his religious beliefs, I talked with him. I told him it didn't bother me that he was an atheist, and I told him of my own recent struggles with religious belief. However, I also told him that I regretted the way in which both Christians and atheists tend to link sexual morality to religious belief. Christians tend to think that they follow certain rules of sexual morality _because of_ their religious beliefs. Atheists, particularly younger ones, tend to think that there are no constraints on their consensual sexual activity _because_ they have no religious beliefs. I look at the matter differently. Sexual morality evolved along with human beings and human society. The traditional rule of sex only within marriage developed for a simple reason: children do better in a stable, economically secure household. Until very recently, sex led to children pretty much all the time (except in cases of sterility). Our social mores developed in light of this fact. The most certain way to provide children with a stable household to grow up in was to require that their parents be married. Nowadays birth control is easily available, so these concerns of the previous few hundred thousand years are no longer quite as physically important, but they still drive traditional values. I still hold to the traditional value that sex should begin AFTER marriage, not before. Yes, I am an old stick in the mud who believes that every person should remain a virgin until marriage. My opinion is not based on any notion of supernatural judgment during or after life, since I don't believe in any such thing. Rather, I think that it is a matter of self-discipline and orderly behavior which tends to create strong families and strong societies. Go ahead, laugh at me, call me an old fart. I still believe that we should respect the "wisdom" of evolution in this matter.

@mrrhombus716

10 жыл бұрын

TL;DR We have evolved to a point where we can make our own decisions. People who endorse the paleo diet say we should go back to our past as an argument but that is utterly inane. If two people can live together and not have children and be happy and healthy, who is anyone to tell them thay can't do so?

Saying it's just like pre-married life implies that it was so great before that you wanted to get married (you seemed to interpret it as though people would see it as a negative).

My favorite part is when he answers the question, "how's married life?" I lived with my husband for almost 7 years before we got married. My answer is the same.

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

so living together worked out for you so everybody should live together cause it worked out for you in that not a selfish way of looking at things ok.

people living together before considering getting married, i think is a very good idea, because it is marriage in training to detect compatability percentages.

I love your stuff Hemant! I just recently subscribed since your videos kept coming up on my recommended feed. As a new watcher my only suggestion is that you redo your outro. I like the part where you introduce yourself and plug your website but the please leave a comment and we'll check them out bit seems forced and cumbersome.

Been living with my girlfriend for two years.... Obviously, not married. Wouldn't have done it any other way.

@evaoliveira8407

4 жыл бұрын

Are you married now?

@HerveyShmervy

3 жыл бұрын

How about now sir?

@l0ovechild47

3 жыл бұрын

HerveyShmervy they broke up 😂😂

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

so you basically playing with no goal is in mind.

Living together can absolutely make or break a relationship, this personally happened to me, but there are tons of examples where siblings (obviously it's not a romantic relationship) are minutes away from almost killing each other when they all live in the same household. Then as they grow up and move out they become good friends and seem to completely forget all the shit they use to hate about each other.

I will never marry anyone that I haven't lived with for a good amount of time. How can you know you're going to be able to live together for the rest of your lives without even trying it first?

Cohabitated with my wife for 3 years before we were married. That was 11 years ago. So much for that theory.........

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

in there people who found success doing that lady way just cause something work for you it may not work for others.

Another reminder just how socially conservative parts of the US are. Everyone I know lived together before marriage (and many haven't gotten married). My wife and I lived together for 5 years before marriage, and that wasn't particularly long. The only reason many get married here is a lingering feeling that they should before having kids.

The worst thing is that religion tells you not to experience cohabitation before marriage, and when that leads to unhappiness or disagreement, it won't allow you to divorce. Because "marriage unites two people into one flesh until death do them part".

Both couple should practice the two greatest virtues: compassion and empathy otherwise the marriage is doomed. Forget about living together before marriage.

You will have a lot of the same issues the woman mentioned by living together first anyway. People often live together when they are serious about being together so am not sure it would be so easy to separate if there are issues when you have put so much into the relationship and care a lot for each other. Also if you have to take on a lease or mortgage to live together that can be extremely hard to get out of also. There will always be unexpected things to get used to when living with another person its a huge step to take whether you get married or not first. Maybe getting to know the person really well for some time is a good idea and before getting too physically or emotionally involved as that may distort your judgement. If marriage is done out of love and commitment for each other it can be a good thing but rushing into any commitment is a bad idea.

Who even needs a piece of paper to say they're together, If I ever get 'married' there will be a ceremony like normal, partner walks down the isle blah blah blah but I'm not signing a sheet to say that you have to share money if you get a divorce. That's literally all it means, money/assets and change of last name, which you can do without marriage. I'm obviously not against anyone who wants to get married, I just don't understand, could someone tell me why they want to get married legally? Is it just the satisfaction or the tradition or something else?

I really like the way you talk because I feel like a lot of Christians and other religions view us (atheists) as really righteous in your face people and you put a good face to us. I am a new subscriber but I really like your videos, because they make suggestions not demands. Keep it up!

I'm not entirely with the idea of living together cos it tends to drag out the relationship when its only so-so. The couple might think that they're not ready for marriage yet but have convinced themselves that maybe all they need is more time together to get to that place. But in actuality, if they weren't living together, they could see they don't fit well and the splitting up would be so much an easier process :/

Good points.

I actually came to this conclusion on my own a few months ago. First, though, I'd need to find a woman I might consider marrying.

@saraandstuartshannon2160

3 жыл бұрын

That’s a good start

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

you also made mistake on your own bad decisions on your own in you still trusting something that been proven wrong in the past in they say christians are crazy.

I'm sitting on my bed looking at both sides of this argument for an essay I'm writing. in language art 3 we got to use our arguments and this is the one I choose. im for it but trying to get evidence and this video helped me

Its amazing how many people think marriage originated as a religious concept. Its entirely socially purposed.

Love all your videos would love to pick your brain a bit and learn more you helped me come out as an atheist and I'm giving it my best to change peoples outlook on atheist

Agree completely!

I just realized this is an atheist channel.....

@TeamMindless101

7 жыл бұрын

Carnisha XO lol

@mowflexthesubnegro1846

5 жыл бұрын

Lmao!!!

@mirandagarcia8612

3 жыл бұрын

same. right at the end... "I write at FriendlyAtheist.com" haha!

I've complicated views on the entire marriage issue. I of course agree 100% on the "try before you buy" approach, and I would suggest do it at least a year before "tying the knot". Where my views on marriage gets complicated has more to do with bringing government into the relationship. I would say, work out your own agreements and write them up. But government complicates even this approach to doing a marital contract... it could ignore the terms if it wants.... Ultimately, I would like to see government out of the marriage business.... but I digress. Use your brain. do what is sensible and works for you. That is all.

there's a spot under right eye, just to point it out.

Living together before marriage needs to do it smartly. Don't hide anything while living together. Simulate the whole after marriage scenario entirely.

Seemingly simple advice that is contradicted by facts. Speciousness is par for the course with this dude, though.

I have been saying this for years! Like x1000!!!!!

Thanks for your video. I am struggling with myself if my ffiance and I should live together before marriage or not. In my Vietnamese culture, it is not good to live before marriage but my fiance is American.

I didn’t live with my husband before marriage, and to be honest, if I did, we would break up. The thing is, beginnings are always hard, and unless you have something rock solid and official as marriage, you might not last ( even if you are great for each other). The biggest obstacle in every romantic relationship is ego. And that “test drive “ is completely ego based and objectification of your partner.

Good video, but its a bit insane how this topic has to be addressed.

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

it's not again just because someone beliefs are different from you're does'nt make them or insane. in you don't see this as selfish way of thinking.

Just to add: marriage is not a religion thing. It's a partnership and cooperative contract. Just so that's been pointed out.

I was just curious about what you had to say about cohabitation, what the current atheist thinking might be on it. My husband and I cohabited before we got married for about four and a half months, and we've been married for 27 years. Heck, I'm even glad I lost my virginity (to the same guy) before we got married, but that's a whole other topic...! :)

his got a point :)

At the end of the day if you with the person that God ordained for you to be with it will work out whatever decision you make

@TeamMindless101

7 жыл бұрын

Carnisha XO yesss

great points. I whole agree. My Ex GF and I moved into a place mere months after we started dating. things moved why too fast. financial issues, became a huge issue. we see that we couldnt have gotten married, and still to this day, the same hold true. my current GF, whom ive known for nearly 30 years, have been together for over a year. and not once have we discussed living together. I know things will be fine, we are very much alike. but why take that jump if its not needed.

I don't understand why people think that marriage is this life changing force that is so delicate that you try your damnedest to not disappoint your partner.

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

what not its not trying to disappoint your partner is loving your partner its the same way in christianity you dont do things cause you have to you do thing cause you love god.

I agree. After being with my GF for 2 years, and then having her move in with me for a year. Marriage wouldn't have worked out in the end when you see all the core differences in beliefs and goals.

+kr00m His wife isn't actually an atheist.

@HemantMehta

10 жыл бұрын

My wife is an atheist. There's some confusion because I referred to a hypothetical Christian partner in another video.

@thatonedoctor2

10 жыл бұрын

Hemant Mehta oh, I thought that one was saying your wife was a christian living with an interfaith marriage. Sorry for that.

Love isn't a fixed feeling, it's something that fluctuate. Sometimes you like yourself very much "i did really great", sometimes you don't "how could i do that? I'm ashamed". Expecting your love of anyone or anything to stay the same over time is dreaming. A marriage will last only if you love the other more often than not. But there is no guarantee that it'll stay the same forever, nor that you won't meet somebody that you love better. Why should we have to choose anyway? A mother can love several children, why can't somebody love several persons? Anyway, there are plenty of examples throughout history of unhappy marriages. I don't see how a benevolent God that is love could oversee the fact that people's feelings simply change over time, and forced them to stay together at the price of suppressing that same feeling of love when it happens toward somebody else.

People who don't live together before marriage are also more likely to be strongly against divorce, so they're going to be more apt to stay together even if they aren't really happy. I believe if you did a study on marital HAPPINESS, you'd find that there is no difference or that people who lived together first are happier. It only makes sense that you should really know what you're going into before signing a legally binding document. Now people who don't have sex with their fiance before the wedding are the ones I REALLY don't get. I can see not wanting to have sex with people you're not in a serious relationship with, for moral and/or health reasons. But to me, if you're marrying someone you've never had sex with, you're promising to spend the rest of your life with someone you have no idea if you're sexually compatible with. That's a recipe for disaster imo. I have a friend who's getting married soon, and she and her finance aren't living together and are into the whole "purity" thing. Plus she's only 21. I want to be happy for her, but in all honesty I have my doubts that they really know what they're getting into. I feel like religion rushes young people into naive marriages.

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

You make a lot of generalizations and assumptions with that comment. The sexual compatability thing is really just selfishness disguised as something else. Honestly, if you're going to have a healthy and meaningful sexual relationship with your wife it's going to center around the other person more so than yourself. I hear this "compatability" thing mentioned a lot and usually it's coming from somebody who's partner/fiancee/spouse wasn't giving them exactly what they wanted so they say "oh we're not compatable" meanwhile their focus was only on "what can I get out of this" not focused on the other person. Regardless of beliefs, if your view of sex in marriage is all about "what do I get out of the deal?" then you're going to have trouble regardless of whether you're Christian, Atheist, lived together prior to marriage or not. I'm not saying Christians get it right...a lot don't, a lot of Christian males don't cause they're only focused on themselves. Ultimately, that's where happiness in marriage is going to come from...serving your spouse, and that's regardless of religion or anything else. If you have a married couple that is focused on the needs of the other person, focused on their desires more than their own...you're going to have a successful marriage. Some people will say "so to be happy you just have to ignore everything you desire and do what the other person wants?", which is missing the point. In the ideal situation...you're focused on your spouse and making them happy MEANWHILE they are as focused on you and making you happy. When that's out of balance, that's when you get problems. The other thing this all centers around as well is compromise. If you are unwilling to compromise, your marriage will fail, regardless of whether you lived together or not, regardless of whether you go to Church or not. There has to be give and take in a marriage, including in a married couple's sex life. If you're able to find that balance, things more often than not work out.

@harrysmith747

6 жыл бұрын

They may not be happy-BUT they're more apt to try harder to work the problem out then the people who believe in "test driving." Those kinds are the kind that leave as soon as it gets tough.

I married a woman after 3 months and never lived with her. Biggest mistake of my life

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

it's seem to me that most people miss the concept of love.

I'm an Atheist and I wouldn't move in with a mate unless we were already strongly considering (and talking about) marriage. I've seen couples move in together for financial and/or convenience reasons, and after a time, sunk cost fallacy combines with social pressure and they get married just because they're "supposed" to. Christian criticism of premarital cohabitation may be a case of the blind squirrel happening upon the nut for a lot of couples.

Christians like to think that there was a time when everyone lived by the Bible, but they fail to remember that living with your spouse before marriage used to be really common before the 1800s.

It ALL JUST DEPENDS GUYS.

That's Dejà Vu or this is a re-upload?

what kind of marriage did you have was it by the courts???

Who gets married nowadays. People play house and refer to each other as married.

It seems to me like I've been hearing this for decades now, but it just hasn't sunk in with religious conservatives, so it has to be said again and again and again...

So let me see if I get this right. A woman wants something, then when she gets it, she doesn't want it anymore. Hmmmm. THAT has NEVER happened before!!!

I've only had sex before marriage, and I'm pretty sure my woman feels like the world's gonna explode some of the time (albeit not in a bad way).

well, pretty obvious from your point of view. Because regardless of whether you live together or get married everything is going to be an adjustment. Add that even if you lived together then got married, what actually changed? You still had to make the same adjustments, just that you did it before you got it down on a piece of paper? Not really sure of the point of this other than to try and tear down marriage as an institution because you don't accept it.

Honestly, marriage is pretty imbecilic in most cases and is really just a cultural and traditional social construct. The only 'rational' reason to get married at this point is the inequitable and discriminatory tax benefits that are issued to married couples. Especially in regards to men, you will get absolutely screwed both financially and emotionally in almost all cases of divorce, and the fact that the divorce rate is as high as it is only shows whether it holds relevancy to modern society.

My girlfriend and I just told her VERY catholic mother that we're moving in together at the end of the month. This video perfectly collects my thoughts on why we're waiting to get married.

In my personal perspective, after having been common-law married for 6 years now, living together is not a great thing, and it won't solve your problems the way people think they will. At the end of the day, you still need to make it a point to officially commit to one another, whether symbolically (just to one another) or legally. Commitments last a little more when there's an actual acknowledgement by both parties of the commitment, and its magnitude. (Especially the magnitude part.) When it's JUST living together, it's like living with an annoying roommate who doesn't honor you very much, because they're just out for their own interests -- they are just testing you out, to see if you're an ideal mate... whereas, if you conscientiously decide to COMMIT to someone, you probably already know they are a good mate in many, many ways, and a valuable person to appreciate and love, despite whatever minor flaws or annoyances, and can more easily make compromises with them. I think it honestly takes a way a little bit of the 'specialness' of commitment. A marriage contract here is not what's important, it's commitment. Acknowledgement of commitment. People will erroneously believe that just living together will help them know if a relationship is for them (whether or not they can commit), but research has shown that living together (and testing people out) does NOT decrease the divorce rate -- but actually increases it. Quite honestly, it's NOT worth it. So, whether or not you believe in the legal contract of marriage, COMMIT to someone before you move in with them... and give it about as much weight as if you were actually legally marrying them.

The Atheist Voice did you know that ,regardless of Jesus being born or not, he wasn't even born on the 25th December, you can google or youtube it.

Only real reason to get married is for the legal benefits, other than that, it's a waste of time and money.

I am a believer and I agree with this to a certain degree. I would disagree with , I don't think you should live together because it would feel like you are married which would suck for a man . I wouldnt get married period being a man ! If you are one that wants marriage then I could see living together and trying it . There will be divorce regardless depends on how the two people are and if they are compatible.

I believe what a minister told me from God. That living together before you get married could have it's complications. Especially if you're a Christian, it could increase your boost for sexual intimacy and since the Good Book told us never to have sex with anyone that's your husband or your wife, although you're engaged and you're pretty sure that they'll marry you, it's a sin. The best thing to do is to find out from people around your partner-to- be what he's really like and get together to go through the normal routines that a married couple will have, like paying for bills and in that way you can get to understand each other. For me it's the best.

@righteousmasculine

2 жыл бұрын

That’s what I plan to do. I want GODs favor to stay over my life and that’s one of my top rules in dating no sex before marriage I’m glad the lord placed me on my path. I will probably be the first one in my family to do this. But when I was 15 yrs old my dad told me I would break the cycle on a lot of things how he saw that in me as a kids speaks volume of his wisdom

I shay just spend time together not live together.

I was a Christain now am an Atheist. This is what I say let's not marry at all. Just live together and if things do not work go live with somebody else. F.. marriage it is useless

This is not particularly religious. This is not the channel I expected this video to be on.

@mikegarvey1864

10 жыл бұрын

Yeah but pretty much all of his other videos are. You must be new to this channel.

@kumaelnegro3264

10 жыл бұрын

How is it not? the Religious are fight like hell to not all the gay folk get married. It's another reason how religion damages present society. It is one of the things that cause a high rate of unhappy marriages and divorce.

The topic of marriage to me is a contradiction with Atheism. Marriage is a religious ceremony that involves a representative of some religion. The practice of using a judge does not change anything and is just more for tax purposes that are increasing becoming more irrelevant. Plus I do not support some people having more rights or benefits than others just by doing something as easy as marriage. We need to have less loop holes in society not more and what the hell does tax benefits have to do with a relationship anyways? Why would a married couple with a kid need tax breaks more than a non-married couple with a kid? This is discrimination of the non-married and needs to cease!

Does he explain in his book why he sold his soul?

Some people aren't cut out to be "Team Players" or in a relationship.

I completely disagree with this idea because sex outside of marriage is considered sexual immorality according to the bible. And who can better define the boundaries of sex and marriage more than the one who instituted it in the first place(god). So purity is important. God commands it. No matter how you try to put it and making it seem right, it is still wrong. The guy in the video is just saying cohabitation is good because its just convenient. And if something is right it doesn't mean it is right

My name is ham tomato

I don't think you're concidering all the factors. I agree with you in jist, in fact, atheists who finally get married have a higher rate of staying married, and I don't think it's because they're atheists but that they get married after living together for a long time. Things doesn't really change after marriage for them so they know what life is like already and if they're compatible. BUT. The reason why someone only live together with someone AFTER they're married is because of religion, usually it's when they're highly religious and can't see themselves living with a man that they're not married to. A solution like you say could be living with a friend so they at least know what it's like but living with your partner is the only way to really know what living with your partner will be like. And those problems will be the same even if they aren't married, they just have the option of opting out if it doesn't work for them, rather than staying unhappily married for the rest of their lives, or get a divorce which carries a lot more stigma than just breaking up. Since religion is the reason for not living together before marriage this video feels pointless in a way since you can't argue religious reasons with saying "it's better to live together before marriage", if that possibility feels impossible due to their religious beliefs. Hugs from Sweden

Who did this poor girl marry that she feels like she can't hang out with her friends much D8 guess I got lucky on that one that the BF and I had no issues of that nature?

I want live with my boyfriend for a year or two before we get married.

@fcchannel6162

3 жыл бұрын

why? lets me guess just to go against god in stir up christian but its funny people who really care about you get that way. but its only love if you approve of my way in way i live my life but in you world that view point is not selfish at all.

The coolest thing happened to me about a year ago when I was graduating high school. I had been dating this cool chick for about 3 months. Things were serious. We are on the verge of doing the tango, and having rough sex. (The sex was better than the tango.) We were young and impatient, and both of our families were pretty Christian and wanted us to get married, EXCEPT for my sister in law. She basically told me to live with her for a year before I commit the rest of my life to her. Her exact words "Live with her. Have sex, sleep in the same bed, live life with her as you would if you were married." That's exactly what we did, besides the wishes of our families. We had sex, it was great. And then I started noticing some bite marks on my arms...and then the scratches would appear on my face...and then one night while we were having sex, she started kinda playfully slapping me..once. The next one really hurt. Now, that sounds great and all, like, I like the freaky deeky shit, but she wasn't being freaky, she was trying to hurt me. I found out through living with her that her father abused the SHIT out of her, and she took out all of that hate that she had of her father, on me. My first thought was therapy, I can fix her, she'll be great. Didn't work. She killed our bird. It wouldn't say "Hello" so she drowned it in the bathroom sink. It was a fucking parakeet, you know? The kind that doesn't talk? This chick was beautiful on the outside, but once you got inside, she was psycho. Like the "Should she be within range of anything sharp?" kind of psycho. If you want your first born child to not be stabbed by a psycho bitch of a mother, I'd suggest you live with your girlfriend before you marry her.

If Hemant used to be a Jain, is he still vegetarian or is that not a part of Jainism?

@00Skyfox

10 жыл бұрын

Being vegeterian/vegan is a part of Jainism, and I think he has mentioned before that he is still a vegetarian.

@HemantMehta

10 жыл бұрын

I am still a vegetarian!

@eyescovered

10 жыл бұрын

Hemant Mehta Sorry to hear that ;P

@danakscully64

10 жыл бұрын

Hemant Mehta You're an atheist AND a vegetarian? I didn't think I could like you anymore than I already do, but you proved me wrong :) Atheism and vegetarianism brought my boyfriend and I together. Best bond to someone I've ever had.

@disarmhxc2

10 жыл бұрын

I can't trust somebody who doesn't enjoy steak

Never buy a car without a test drive.

You can save up money for a marriage, should be another reason.

Is it better to be married with children or living together with children? Just wait til kindergarten and the kids will embarrass you!!

What happens if they die!

why even get married?

@ddotkful

10 жыл бұрын

Tax, hospital visits, and etc...

@TheHelper151

10 жыл бұрын

Danny Kyung They're higher if you're married than single.

I find Christian relationships/marriages to be destructive. A lot of couples will get married at 20-21 years old so they can have sex but regret getting married after a couple years. But they can't divorce because that's against God's will, and then become increasingly unhappy with their marriage and live their lives upset and depressed. Same thing applies to relationships. I feel like there's this intention about Christian relationships that always points towards marriage. What I mean is, sometimes couples will talk about marriage at the beginning of their relationship like if it's supposed to happen. Relationships aren't supposed to work that way. You have to work together with your mate to learn from each other and figure out if you're meant to be. Not all relationships are supposed to work out.

@dwightyboy2075

6 жыл бұрын

Shea Johnson absolutely. Been there done that.