Aging with Dignity is the nation's leading advocate and defender of authentic human dignity, particularly at the end of life.
In 1996, with Mother Teresa's encouragement, Jim Towey founded Aging with Dignity as a non-profit and created the Five Wishes advance directive, which has sold over 40 million copies. He currently serves as the organization's CEO. The Five Wishes publication is America’s most popular advance care planning tool that has helped countless families get the kind of end-of-life care they desire.
Help support us in our mission: agingwithdignity.org
See how Five Wishes could be used in your organization: FiveWishes.org/Home
Contact us for trainings, custom orders, or for any questions at: fivewishes.org/five-wishes/who-we-are/contact-us
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Thank you Ms McGahon for this excellent analysis of what really happens to person presented with a serious loss. Many of us had no idea what was to come before the loss occured. Your video is a great help in taking the mystery out of this terrible process of grief.
So glad you found it useful.
This is the best description of what it actually is like I’ve ever heard. Thank you.
Glad you found it helpful!
Wonderful. Can’t wait to order this companion.
Excellent
Ok. Would have appreciated a comment about dying with that dignity
Thanks for the comment, if by dying with dignity you refer to a natural death with proper pain management, care, and medical attention, then we are on the exact same page. We have been fighting to improve end-of-life care for over 25 years!
Super. So refreshing to hear someone talk about the dignity of us all, regardless of how we look on a given day. so many of our elderly feel unloved.
I've been grieving for 11 years.. I'm 72 and have lost hope for any real happiness ever again.. nothing to look forward to. Just way too many losses, 2 of the losses were suicides.. just waiting for this life to finally be done with.
Yes this is me xx
I just lost my grandma and feel so much guilt for not bein by her side bc I live in another country just to think I wont hear her voice again is so painful I cant sleep I cry all the time 😔
We are sorry for your loss.
Our deepest condolences to so many in the comments who have experienced profound loss. Many folks have expressed ongoing suffering from grief and asked questions on what can be done to manage it - below are three other videos by Ms. McGahon that may be helpful resources. kzread.info/dash/bejne/fIh7y6qml6nSoLA.html&t kzread.info/dash/bejne/lnmGlLKHkaq1mqg.html&t kzread.info/dash/bejne/k6OCsKN8danXlqQ.html&t These are no substitute for individualized counseling or medical assistance, and KZread has many other great resources. We hope these are just that - helpful resources for those struggling with grief.
I lost my husband in January and my emotions are all over the place. I avoid places that remind me of my husband. I can’t go in the backyard for more than a minute or two. We used to spend quite a bit outside and he would water the plants. My life has drastically changed and I am trying to accept the loss and emptiness I feel.
So sorry for your loss - may he rest in peace.
U hav talk about all the symptoms I hav.
Hi, Jim. I remember you from Kaye O'Bara's home as she cared for Edwarda. I wish you well and now that I live in Colorado, I am updating my Five Wishes Living Well. God bless and Mary Keep. Joi
We will forward that message along, Joi!
This is not Catholic teaching. We age with suffering and allowing Christ to suffer through us, saying yes to the Lord. Growth takes place with pain and suffering. Aging with dignity is a buzzword phrase that Hospice uses "Anne of Ireland." You are going to answer for this none sense to the Lord. Stop the narcism!
I thought there was 6 Stages of Grief
Maggie is describing here the three types of grief symptoms - physical, psychological, and spiritual. The stages of grief are a slightly different subject. Hope this helps!
@@AgingwithDignity yeah it does. Thank you for explaining.🙏🏻💙✌️
I love that you are down to earth with your videos!
Maggie is great!
Brilliant! Thank you so much.
BEWARE of Therapists, there are more bad ones than good ones. ONLY use a therapist on a personal recommendation, after talking at length with the person doing the recommending. Look at the word “The Rapist”. Seriously, in my profession I’ve seen therapists turn a mildly concerning condition into a life altering debilitating mental illness. It’s NOT the qualifications, it’s the talent and experience. Remember, most people who go into the field are trying to fix themself.
Very true. We are the solution to our loneliness, but we just won't embrace one another. Social media and technology cannot replace or substitute for positive human interaction.
My wife dead after 22 years she was everything to me its been 5 weeks im dead inside!!!!!!
how to heal from an entire lifetime of trauma and rage and grief?
Just walk away if you can. The aged will only take and take and take from you, financially and or emotionally. Today, Dad got confused and took a double dose of blood pressure, beta blocker and blood thinners. He flew into an absolute rage when I decided to call his doctor to ask if I should hold back his nighttime meds or just carry on as per usual. I actually felt anxiety for a moment. A second later the doc came on the line and explained what I needed to do about his evening meds. Not the first time he's pulled this kind of rage at me for reaching out for professional help. It's almost like he's afraid that he's going to "get in trouble" from someone or some authority. Often times the authority is a doctor, but other times it's City Hall, the garbage man or a neighbour. He's an odd one for sure. Poor ole Mum. I know he pulled this act on her for years and years. I feel bad I wasn't more supportive of her when she was the one dealing with his moods and tantrums.
Sounds like alzheimers which isn't his fault
There’s only that much one can take.
Today is my 70 th Wedding Anniversary. I lost Paul 2 years ago this March. So, we were together 70 years, married for 68 yrs. The grief is with me every moment of everyday. I have lost my independence. Yes- I do identify with everything you said. But I can guarantee it will not be accepted. No- so in my very old age- I have to find my own joy. And, I will do that. I can not stop missing and needing Paul, but I can live with God's Grace in Gratitude that I had him for so long. And, this great big wonderful family that came from our marriage. Amen
Prayers and hugs for you❤️
What a wonderful legacy. Thanks for sharing about your lifetime of love with Paul. I guess the double edged sword of true love is the inevitable loss of it at some point. We can never be ready for it. I had less than half that time with Jim but am still at a loss 4 yrs later. I also have a relationship with the Lord which keeps me (at least partially) sane. My mom went into full blown Alzheimer’s after my dad died after 63 years together. So l lost my daddy, mom and husband all within 4 years. As David said in the bible, my loved one will not return to me but l will go to them. Knowing that is the best comfort of all. Blessings!
This is the most Helpfull piece in advise on grief!
I'm not trying to hear this bull crap I've been living with schizophrenia for most of my life THE VOICES AND THE HALLUCINATIONS THE EMBARRASSMENT EVERYDAY OF LIVING IN FEAR I even have a court date today because I was carrying ammunition if my court case is not dismissed and I have to do jail it's just one more reason for me to look into assisted suicide IM TIRED OF SCHIZOPHRENIA ROBBING ME EVERYDAY I CANT GET A WIFE I CANT HAVE KIDS I CANT HOLD DOWN A JOB I CAN BARELY EVEN COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF PSYCHOSIS AND HALLUCINATIONS AND ANXIETY DISORDER I DEAL WITH THIS EVERDAY ON TOP OF TAKING CARE OF MY ELEDERLY FATHER WHO HAS BIPOPLAR AND DRINKS ALCOHOL WITH HIS NIGHTLY MEDS my point is if your mental illness is as bad as mine is schizophrenia you should have the right to have assisted suicide I'm not complaining I'm suffering everyday
The options that Jim promotes are a fantasy - not likely to be available in America anytime soon, heck we can't even get decent health coverage for those *wanting to live!* And he seems to not understand the many reasons people may choose to exit. Consider a massive debilitating stroke, consider ALS, consider dementia on the horizon. How is "the system" going to address these to make life fulfilling for those afflicted? Sometimes saying it's been enough and I'm ready to depart could be reasonable and acceptable.
Thank you SO much for sharing! We need voices that affirm LIFE for all ages and disabilities!
Why do you want to affirm suffering? Let people make their own choices
Ever since I had to watch my mom die of frontal lobe dementia 8 years ago it still feels like last week. I've been on a downhill spiral. Im still living ina travel trailer bhind her house. Stepdad is a cold unloving stepdad😢 I'm quite sure hes a functioning autistic man. Hecan only discuss weather.nothing deep or loving. My mom never realized how different he was for over 50 years of their marriage. He remarried within a year and stepmom hates me. I am declining physically and mentally😢 i need assisted living now. I have no idea how to get help. Im just gonna end up in hospital begging for help. Ive reached bottom! Everyones been so cold to me and I was cut out of everything my mom wanted me to have. But I'm so depressed I can't pull out of this. Im really bummed out.🙏💔
Lost just about all members of my family.since I was younger..got a divorce after 20 yrs to childhood sweetheart..25 yrs ago..lost a career of 20 yrs .4 yrs ago..due to back injuries..problems..suffered with anxiety/depressiion..my adult life..lost my oldest child of 3 kids to suicide 32 months ago..my depression and anxiety worsened.
I guess I hide my grief well. I lost a few family members, all within 9 months time. Two were sudden deaths. The last one being my dad. I was too busy getting his affairs in order, no time to grieve. I’ve locked my emotions. He’s been gone over 13 years now, and I still haven’t grieved. I do have nightmares quite often, were I’m yelling and screaming at him, fighting him. Asking him why he took off on us. It’s disturbing to say the least. I’m on meds to keep it at bay. The others appear in my dreams from time to time. I don’t even know why I’m writing all this. Maybe I’m losing my humanity.
No it's just a trip 😔
You’re not losing your humanity, you’re overflowing with it and your brain doesn’t know where to put it all. Try journaling to process the feelings and get them out. I hope you find peace and joy again soon. 🖤
@@julietteferrars3097 thank you
We are sorry for your losses.
Pretty rubbish actually the loved ones are out of here leaving us to carry on pick up the pieces and get thru it
Everything she is talking about it exacerbated when there is depression and anxiety present prior to loss. I loss my Mother who I was extremely close to and within a year lost my sibling to suicide. In my experience the grief is harder to process and becomes debilitating.
I lost my wife of 44 years suddenly. I just feel numb, I do not know what I am going to do with my life.
My life is a constant torture since the death of my Husband Robert on 07 September 2022. He had a integrity that very few have. I would make the choice to marry him every time. ❤️ To all who are grieving and other sufferings. i look forward to the return of Yeshua HaMashiach_Jesus Christ, when death shall be no more.
Amein sister. I lost my husband as well. We were newlyweds. You truly become one right away. It hurts so bad. Yah bless you for sharing. Integrity.... that's the word for my hubby as well. So rare.
I've been doing this 5 years, 24/7, by myself. I'm 59 years old. My dad is 93. I don't/can't work because he needs supervision 24/7. I had just finished raising my kids...the last graduated from high school, when I had to come here to do this. I don't even feel human anymore. I don't eat well because we can't afford it due to inflation/financial difficulties. I'm not at a breaking point. I'm broken. I have chronic health problems myself and they're getting worse. I can't even get myself to the doctor because I can't drive anymore. I try to get rest and sleep but he's up all night and most days I can't even take a nap. There is no one to ask for help and I'm not exaggerating. Family has no interest in helping. It's unreal. It might sound like I'm making a bunch of excuses or being negative but the truth is I'm finally being honest about this situation. This country should do better by us. I'm at a loss at even what to do next because a nursing home is so expensive. Some of us out here are completely and utterly alone.
This was a very comprehensive summary of the ways in which grief can manifest itself, thank you. I feel a bit reluctant to use the word symptom though since for me that word is so strongly associated with illness and grief is a natural process we undergo after a loss as you point out. I would prefer using sign/manifestation etc. Only my personal opinion.
I lost my mother couple of weeeks ago and I cannot control the sadness and thoughts!
Sorry for your loss I am 12 weeks in heartbroken 💔 xx
@@user-yr5tm3bt2o It is very very difficult, sending you positive vibes!
I had complicated grief disorder for almost 3 years after my dad died suddenly moments after I had just been over at is house. I lost my head. I have no friends anymore. I treated everyone like crap and said horrible things to so many people. I literally have no friends anymore.
I understand that. I withdrew into an even deeper cave after my mother's death 2 years ago. I'm trying to ease out of it. Your true friends will forgive you.
I’m sorry. You’ve got a friend here with me. Reach out anytime.
Sorry to hear of your loss. I think losing friends when you experience grief is all too common.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I understand. Hugs to you. F*** right.
When I am gone, release me - let me go I have so many things to see and do. You must not tie yourself to me with tears. Be happy that we had so many years. I gave you love, you can only guess, how much you gave me in happiness. I thank you for the love each have shown, but now it is time I travelled alone. So grieve awhile for me if you must, then let your grief be comforted by trust. It is only for a while that we must part so bless those memories within your heart. I will not be far away, for life goes on. So if you need me, call and I will come, I will be near and if you listen with your heart, you will hear all of my love around you, soft and clear. Then when you must come this way alone, I will greet you with a smile and “welcome home”
❤
@@stephanie67348. ❤️
You are making the assumption that the only reason people choose suicide is depression or pain or fear. I can handle all those things, I love living alone and don't want people bothering me - which they would if your solution came to fruition. If my mental facilities decline to the point that I cannot live my life as I want (after due diligence with doctors to see if it is a medical problem) I certainly will choose suicide. I have never feared death - it is just another aspect of life like being born.
Jim Towny: THAT is not YOUR decision to MAKE! End-of-Life CHOICE is an INDIVIDUAL'S RIGHT to decide how, where & when the person chooses to 'leave'! Just like REPUGNANT-CON Anti-Abortion 'edicts', THIS IS AN AFFRONT TO A PERSON'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHAT IS BEST FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILY!! If people who are diagnosed with a TERMINAL ILLNESS are told they're just going to have to 'suck it up' and 'tough it out' [REMOVING THEIR OPTION OF CHOICE to 'leave this hallowed ground' VOLUNTARILY AND COMFORTABLY [as opposed to possible MONTHS & YEARS of pain, frustration, anger and hopelessness] while their hard-won financial legacy is SQUANDERED on needless 'extensions' [that USURP their ability/option to distribute what remains of their 'financial legacy' to the beloved CAUSE or PERSONS OF THEIR CHOICE] YOU ARE INTRUDING ON THEIR 'RIGHT TO DIE ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN PROFESSED WISHES & INTENTIONS!! SHAME ON YOU!!
Thank you Jim. In a healthy society people die when it is naturally their time. We have bought into a system that medicates and perpetuates an unhealthy existence. There is strange push to devalue elders, even healthy elders, and no longer honor their wisdom. Our younger generations are being made to feel that they are blights on the earth, rather than beings that can live harmoniously live in synergy with Gaia and the divine intelligence of life. I've had a living will, now have a 5 wishes document. A friend of mine put a plan in place to kill herself - she had been declining with dementia. plans in place, ready to pull the trigger... She was referred to another doctor who was able to change her meds, and she liv a few more years able to enjoy her grandchildren. I honor the fact that sometimes it may be a blessing for someone to be able to choose to leave. Yet this is is a very slippery slope. I support the tenet of Dying with Dignity.
I completely disagree with you. In fact, compassionate care at end of life should govern people the option to say goodbye, and process all that you describe, spiritual needs, relationship connections, etc in the way that feels right and true to them. I’m deeply offended that you are holding people’s end of life decisions hostage to the AMA.
how is this being hostage to the AMA? The AMA would like us to be chronically ill as they make $ on that. I too honor a persons choice, but they will also make $ on the end of life decision - making as much as they can as the person struggles with whatever disease or a malady, then making money on assisted death. This is a slippery slope to killing people because we no longer see their value.
How do you stay in someone’s orbit when they’ve asked for space to grieve alone?
How do you invite a grieving person into this kind of attuned meetup and conversation? How do you tell them you want to focus in on them and not yourself?
Mr. Towey, what you're saying is nice. But it's all just IF, no guarantees that everyone will be treated like that. I WANT CHOICE if I am faced with debilitating chronic pain or a condition where there's no hope of recovery. The AMA's vote is NOT something to be happy about! It leaves us with the same old choices--guns or razor blades or overdose. . .or a trip to Switzerland. NOT WISE! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!
This 3rd way could work if it those things happen. The system is very broken. Since it's unlikely to receive pain relief or comfort, this isn't a legit option.
Your view leaves out the option to conserve / control resources while not merely 'existing' on and on often at great expense or financial drain for no reason the individual dying person subscribes to.
How long do these symptoms go on and still considered normal?
It is difficult to put a time horizon on these symptoms - it can take a long time to process, and it varies from person to person. I would talk to your doctor if you are worried about the duration of symptoms you're experiencing.