Welcome to the fweebs podcast where we basically talk about whatever the fuck we want because we do whatever the fuck we want! That's right! Join Tiff (from the Netflix's The Ultimatum Queer Love) and Kari as we talk about our life experiences.
(Trigger warning for various types of abuse) I 1000% relate to your your experience and your comments about being with a romantic partner who convinces you that they feel insecure, are scared you're going to leave them, and that they feel like you have all the power in the relationship. I've unfortunately been in multiple abusivee relationships (verbal/emotional, physical, and sexual). Luckily I've learned it's a result of behaviors and beliefs stemming from SA I experienced starting when I was 3. That method of manipulation is so insidiously effective, and it's the one relationship that still sometimes affects me to this day. It's such an effective way of manipulating, controling, and getting past someone's boundries. Most of want to reassure our partners and make them feel loved and secure. By making you believe they don't feel that way they can get you to do what they want by framing the things they want or want you to do as a means of reassuring them. When you're in a relationship like that your world gets turned around and upside down until you're too confused to trust yourself. It can make you question things, to the point you don't really know who you are, what reality is, or where your boundries really are. So sorry you had to go through all that. Wish you all the best.
@Anonymous-mp5mtАй бұрын
I’m gunna be honest I wasn’t the biggest fan of you tiff. I just finished watching the show last night. After realising what you experienced tiff I really do relate and like you. I have experienced narcissistic abuse with 2 partners. I didn’t realise Mildred was abusive whilst watching and I’m surprised being a survivor myself. I think female abusers are not as easy to spot or easier to excuse. I gotta admit the fighting with Aussie did open my eyes abit. I was like what is Aussie even doing thats so wrong ? Aussie is avoidant yes that can be frustrating butt... nobody has to answers right then and there when you want. If you need space or time then to come back and speak that’s actually really healthy. When emotions are extreme nobody can communicate. What Mildred was getting so pissed off about was ridiculous and petty. She expected Aussie to communicate right then and there but being hostile and combative at the same time? Not saying Aussie is perfect but i feel like she defended herself correctly then left. Mildred says she was robbed by Aussie. No she robbed herself. It’s actually a good thing to be honest about not connecting with a child rather than fake it or be horrible/cold to said child. Children aren’t for everyone and raising a child especially a special needs child isn’t for everyone. You aren’t a bad person for admitting that.
@laurabelette4336Ай бұрын
As a Latina, it is absolutely embarrassing to see someone try to use that as an excuse for their abusive behaviors. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. You’re so brave for telling your story, and it makes me so happy to see that you’re healing from this. Sending lots of love your way 🖤
@kellyrichert93353 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ As someone who has not been in your position before, it was still hard to watch how she treated you. I can only imagine how triggering it must have been for those who can relate to what you went through. Watching Mildred constantly play the victim while refusing to let you speak was also hard to watch. Whoever runs the show should be ashamed of themselves.
@lifein.a.bottle3 ай бұрын
So glad to see you stand up in such a graceful ways. We knew every word she said in the reunion was a lie. Her face showed no guilt or compassion, putting mom and race card was the lowest Mildred could go. She has been manipulating you, since day one. The financial of manipulation was also so low from her end. I have been in an abusive and toxic relationship and its take a lot to stand up for one and walk out. Hope you find happiness and peace soon.
@margaretelizabeth53993 ай бұрын
Girl there’s a whole subreddit dedicated to the truth for you. I feel awful that you had to experience that and as a bisexual latina HOW DARE she use our race as an excuse to act like that. You are beautiful and amazing and I know you held back how you really felt and that show show strong you are my love. ❤❤ sending love girl anybody would be BLESSED and lucky to have you
@michellek91973 ай бұрын
Proud of you Tiff💗💗💗
@JuiceJ4434 ай бұрын
Wishing you the best Tiff!
@alexbelcastro35934 ай бұрын
Maybe you have to be a fellow dog owner to notice this but the cute Shiloh panting in the background while you spoke your truth melted my heart. She’s got you ❤
@jessboy46294 ай бұрын
she‘ll learn in the next life, hopefully, thank god you‘re out of this toxic circle, narcissists just suck the people around them empty, hope you can fill your life with wonderful things now ♥️
@safalafagins4 ай бұрын
I'm sorry about everything you experienced. I'm curious why you think Mildred has NPD over borderline personality disorder. From what I saw on the show, her stark fear of abandonment and history if it and unstable relationships pointed more to BPD, than NPD which is a lack of empathy (which it seems like she does have some level of empathy). Would love to hear your thoughts.
@daddywalker61335 ай бұрын
I wish Mildred was heterosexual I would love a woman like that with a man like me and y’all are gullible how y’all kno this is facts y’all wasn’t there hahaha y’all some followers haha
@OliverCuthbert5 ай бұрын
Life can truly only get better for you after getting out of this situation and it definitely seems that that’s the case, it’s amazing to see you thriving and looking so happy with your new partner on social media- you deserve peace and happiness
@alanaban18406 ай бұрын
Using fFf is not the best word on this show / it you carater 😢
@CourtneysChaos6 ай бұрын
You were my favourite on the show. I'm sorry you went through such a toxic relationship ❤
@themisadventuresofhannasmind6 ай бұрын
49:18 this feeling was the result of you finally being affirmed of your feelings by your partner rather than having your partner attempt to argue and pick apart your feelings.
@stephaniesilvan35266 ай бұрын
I had a soft spot for Tiff right from the start, then they dug themselves deeper into my heart with the unreasonably fierce way of loving their dog (I could relate to that vulnerable defense SO SO much), so seeing Tiff completely dissolve in trauma tears after/during the reunion, the helplessness, the tiredness and pain after years and years of being used to fight and being on eggshells just triggered a lot of my own emotionality and past pain. Sending out lots of love to Tiff (I hope you're still reading these) and wish you all the best for present and future. Would love to see an update on this channel every once and then!
@Zombieonionring7 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing your truth and posting this video
@jessicagonzalez94347 ай бұрын
What I'm looking for in one package 💖
@jessicagonzalez94347 ай бұрын
I'm in love ❤
@Ayymaycarreon7 ай бұрын
As a Latina I cannot stand how she thinks that behavior is normal to our culture. She is NOT a good representation of who we are. I was disgusted and appalled when she made that comment. I’m glad you got away!
@AA-lq5pu7 ай бұрын
What shocked me was how people just sat there in the Reunion show allowing Mildred to be abused like that. Security should have been there to remove ber.
@AA-lq5pu7 ай бұрын
You are an amazing partner, real and genuine. I am so sorry that she put you through this. It was very clear to me that Mildred was abusive. I am very glad you left her. You deserve the best! It destroys the nervous system, I too had/have PTSD but mine was from neglect. I am so glad you have educated yourself in narcissism, I studied it for years and could clearly see through Mildred. All the best to you. Hoping you never see that woman again!🙂
@CyberBits967 ай бұрын
I just got out of on 2021 a abusive relationship after 8 years I am in healthier one now and he heal my soul and I me with my new partner I just realize how abused I was ,,, my ex destroy my reputation and my close Circle , but it was really hard to escape because as Tiff said "You stayed because you were trying to prove you were a good person" .
@lesbolodchikova7 ай бұрын
okay truly last comment but i knew she’d be the type to act like bc she’s more femme presenting and you’re more masc presenting that she couldn’t possiblyyyyy be abusive to you bc you’re sooo big and strong and she’s just an innocent little latina 🙄 it’s such bullshit and so normalized within queer culture that i fully expected it, especially with her being a narcissist and needing to be always be the victim, but it still makes my blood fucking boil she had the audacity to try that shit. fucking horrible. i’m so sorry and again i’m so glad you were able to get out of that relationship.
@je51077 ай бұрын
I’M ASKING YOU TO CARE ABOUT MY DOG
@lesbolodchikova7 ай бұрын
oh my god okay last comment fuck 😭 but the fact your ex was maybe not a full citizen….. my ex wasn’t either and held that over my head constantly. so that’s yet another layer i relate to 😭
@lesbolodchikova7 ай бұрын
“it took me years to finally understand the deep and vast victim complex that was going on. and quite frankly, it was not my battle to fight and that is why i got up and left the reunion” fuck yes exactly!!! it was not your issue nor your battle and she kept trying to force you into that place so she could go in even deeper on you and further victimize herself. god i’m sorry for all the comments but i just relate to your situation so much and i’ve never seen a fellow lesbian share their story about this type of abuse. thank you again 😭💖
@lesbolodchikova7 ай бұрын
also in regard to the reactive abuse, i’d been researching the topic as well as narcissistic abuse for nearly a full year when my abusive ex decided to throw those terms in my face as soon as she could once she’d heard about it on tiktok. i had been keeping all my research and findings to myself bc i knew that conversation would not go well at all and that she’d flip it around on me so i was absolutely crushed when she ended up doing that anyway. she had such a tight grip on me that she actually managed to make me question myself (even tho i already had been throughout my research) to the point i somehow felt even crazier. she called her physical abuse “reactive abuse” when she was the one who introduced it and perpetuated it in our relationship. the only time i’ve ever been physical with her was on 2 occasions: when she had me on the floor and dumped soda on my face and began hitting me so i kicked her in the stomach, and the second time was when i was trying to leave the house with my dog and she took my car keys and refused to give them back to me during a fight so i panicked bc her hitting me had been normalized and my poor dog was shaking and i just needed to get out of there with my sweet dog, so in trying to pry my keys out of her hand i obviously ended up scratching her and “grabbing her arm too hard” which she later turned into me “punching her arm” i’m sure i did grab her arm too hard and i don’t remember punching her arm but regardless she somehow managed to paint those two instances as me instigating abuse and her reacting, and just conveniently left out all the other times she hit me or hurt me or tried to strangle or suffocate me while i was literally limp and did not even bother fighting back bc i was so numb to life at that point i couldn’t even care. (spoiler alert, it’s less fun for the narcissist when you don’t care so she’d end up giving up. tho i hadn’t fully understood that at the time). so yeah. my ex always blameshifted and was pretty successful in doing so with me for years. but once i decided to stand up for myself with my words no matter how calmly i tried, did not help in getting the understanding i so desperately craved. she even tried calling me a narcissist at some point which is hilarious now that she’s actually admitted to being a narcissist most of her life and even identifying with someone on tiktok who called themselves a “malignant narcissist”.(although of course she can’t fully admit guilt or blame and still fully believes she is no longer a narcissist and healed all of that on her own before she ever met me lol.) genuinely the most frustrating mind fucking years of my life i commend you for being open and honest about this topic and for also being able to open yourself up to finding love again with someone else. i don’t know how ill ever be able to recover the emotional turned physical trauma this clusterfuck caused me
@lesbolodchikova7 ай бұрын
thank you so much. i actually clocked mildred as an abuser instantly within the first episode because she was so similar to my own narcissistic abusive ex, and i knew her constantly breaking up with you was a huge red flag. and when you snapped at sam i also could relate heavily with you in that moment, bc it’s so clear to those of us who have gone through this that you were coming from a place of always needing to have a wall up and walking on eggshells and having to fight and demand for your own space and basic needs. seeing mildred with aussie also confirmed that mildred was abusive bc she treated aussie like the same shit she did you and tried to provoke aussie into fighting mildred’s petty and manipulative fights. unfortunately despite all of this, i still thought (and hoped) at the end that maybe mildred actually was trying to change and better herself. for your sake i wanted it to be true and hoped maybe she wasn’t as bad as my ex and maybe even my ex wasn’t that bad and maybe change is possible. i wasn’t fully happy yall had decided to get engaged bc i knew in my heart mildred would be back on her bullshit soon but i wanted you to be happy and was hoping for the best. which is the same thing i did with my ex when i thought she truly was listening for once and growing. it took me years and years to realize my ex was even abusive in the first place, nearly 5 years into the relationship, despite the fact she’d been manipulative and stressful to be around pretty early on. but like you said it’s a vortex and it’s so hard to see what’s going on when you’re right in the middle of all the chaos. my mind was too caught up in trying to “fix” all the issues she made me believe i had caused and all the conflicts she made me believe i was solely to blame for, all while trying desperately to float above eggshells and not make things worse bc she had me believing i was the scum of the earth and should be grateful she even tried to love me. i just wish i had realized sooner once she trampled over my very normal and rational boundaries the first couple of times and that i could’ve put an end to it before i got married way too young and then had to deal with those consequences for another 7+ years. but thank you so much for talking about this. i’m so so glad you did realize your situation and can now fully understand the abuse you survived WAS abuse and that you’re not crazy the way your abuser NEEDS you to believe. i was so upset seeing the reunion and the fact mildred was even allowed to go on the show after literally being arrested for domestic violence. she should not have been given a platform after that, especially not around you. she was hostile and aggressive and abusive right in front of everyone’s eyes and some people still refuse to see the reality. i relate so heavily to your story it’s surreal and triggering but also so validating. from a fellow lesbian thank you from the bottom of my heart tiff
@AriannaEXCLUSIVE8 ай бұрын
I used to be like Mildred before I healed and did therapy..she lives in a delusion that doesn’t acknowledge her toxic and abusive behaviours
@daniellegarcia98 ай бұрын
Glad you’re doing better! You’re strong and now I understand why you were pretty quiet most of the show
@josefina_c8 ай бұрын
I loved this video!! Subscribed❤
@kimday82608 ай бұрын
I just finished watching The Ultimatum: Queer Love & I can say that I truly believe your toxic tendencies seemed more to me as reactive abuse from being subject to an emotionally abusive partner for so long. I can’t say I experienced it to the same degree, but my longest relationship was 3 years and I know from personal experience that I was such a loving, patient and nurturing partner in the beginning and then at the end I became more reactive & submissive as a defense mechanism because my partner at the time took & took until I had nothing left to give. And when I had nothing left to give, I became the villain and suddenly they did NO wrong in our relationship, or the wrong they did became something I “needed to let go” because I was “becoming the toxic one”. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. I truly saw that you have a beautiful heart, and just have room to grow and heal because of that relationship. I hope you’re giving yourself the time and grace to do that!💓
@rebeccablankenship47108 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this. I am so so proud of you. Keep investing in your own healing. You are so worthy. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Those of us who have been abused like this know how much insane courage it takes to protect yourself and speak out. ❤
@Lena-py3xi8 ай бұрын
Thank you for posting this 🙏🏽 im triggered but this is helpful
@louisajaymie57589 ай бұрын
Brit you're my fave on the show! The most growth 🥰
@rose92ful9 ай бұрын
A horrible look on Latina
@San-wm8xo9 ай бұрын
This is very helpful for me to get through a phase that I am on. This often happens at the workplace too. Thank you for opening up to share your vulnerable story. You are wonderful! I hope Shylo is doing well.
@KDubberley9 ай бұрын
Please do not carry the burden of shame on your shoulders she should be carrying. I'm sending my love to you as a survivor myself.
@dubyabalthazar45989 ай бұрын
Don't u mean index? Or maybe tabletop contents?
@mollysullivan64149 ай бұрын
i knew everything i needed to know about mildred when she was very ominously escalating what would've been a "hey would you mind cooking meals?" to cornering aussie and getting aggressive saying "you need to cook meals." this is obviously paraphrased but holy shit it was eerie watching her go from normal to so aggressive over something so insignificant just to assert power.
@chall644610 ай бұрын
Tiff, I’m so proud of you for being strong enough to finally see you. I understand this position. I was in a relationship like this for 6 years, on and off. Even after I chose never to go back, we stayed friends. Through self care, mindfulness, and self-love, I finally ended the relationship for good. As a quote for a great song goes, “I miss me more!” I believe life teaches us lessons on how to be true to yourself. Love who you are and remember others opinions of you are only opinions, you know in your heart who you truly are! Much love in your journey through life!💕
@Jess2544010 ай бұрын
I’m so proud of you and I was in a narcissist relationship and abused. I’m so thankful you stepped out.
@Crea0510 ай бұрын
Just finished the show, As a Latina it was upsetting seeing her say she’s the way she is because shes Latina 😢 I hope Mildred gets therapy, hurt people hurt people, I can only imagine how traumatic it was to experience that abuse. I love Tiff, I see her heart and I’m glad she made this video.
@maresolperez597010 ай бұрын
From the beginning of the show I didn’t like Mildred I liked yoly but when she defended Mildred I was like nah it’s unacceptable I’m happy tiff isn’t with her anymore
@sternocleidosoundsgood10 ай бұрын
Tiff, I am so sorry that this happened to you. You explained all of this really well, and it is such a typical story and a great example of how emotional and physical develops in relationships. It is brave for you to put it out there, and it is brave to leave her. I was SHOCKED to see how some people at the reunion reacted to finding out Mildred abused you. We are cheering for you!
@cheerfulsatanist10 ай бұрын
....Mildred's Latina?! I had no idea.
@jojobeck8410 ай бұрын
I binged the whole show in one night. I was literally in tears when watching the reunion. I could feel your sadness through the screen. Sending you much love and healing vibes ❤
Пікірлер
(Trigger warning for various types of abuse) I 1000% relate to your your experience and your comments about being with a romantic partner who convinces you that they feel insecure, are scared you're going to leave them, and that they feel like you have all the power in the relationship. I've unfortunately been in multiple abusivee relationships (verbal/emotional, physical, and sexual). Luckily I've learned it's a result of behaviors and beliefs stemming from SA I experienced starting when I was 3. That method of manipulation is so insidiously effective, and it's the one relationship that still sometimes affects me to this day. It's such an effective way of manipulating, controling, and getting past someone's boundries. Most of want to reassure our partners and make them feel loved and secure. By making you believe they don't feel that way they can get you to do what they want by framing the things they want or want you to do as a means of reassuring them. When you're in a relationship like that your world gets turned around and upside down until you're too confused to trust yourself. It can make you question things, to the point you don't really know who you are, what reality is, or where your boundries really are. So sorry you had to go through all that. Wish you all the best.
I’m gunna be honest I wasn’t the biggest fan of you tiff. I just finished watching the show last night. After realising what you experienced tiff I really do relate and like you. I have experienced narcissistic abuse with 2 partners. I didn’t realise Mildred was abusive whilst watching and I’m surprised being a survivor myself. I think female abusers are not as easy to spot or easier to excuse. I gotta admit the fighting with Aussie did open my eyes abit. I was like what is Aussie even doing thats so wrong ? Aussie is avoidant yes that can be frustrating butt... nobody has to answers right then and there when you want. If you need space or time then to come back and speak that’s actually really healthy. When emotions are extreme nobody can communicate. What Mildred was getting so pissed off about was ridiculous and petty. She expected Aussie to communicate right then and there but being hostile and combative at the same time? Not saying Aussie is perfect but i feel like she defended herself correctly then left. Mildred says she was robbed by Aussie. No she robbed herself. It’s actually a good thing to be honest about not connecting with a child rather than fake it or be horrible/cold to said child. Children aren’t for everyone and raising a child especially a special needs child isn’t for everyone. You aren’t a bad person for admitting that.
As a Latina, it is absolutely embarrassing to see someone try to use that as an excuse for their abusive behaviors. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. You’re so brave for telling your story, and it makes me so happy to see that you’re healing from this. Sending lots of love your way 🖤
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ As someone who has not been in your position before, it was still hard to watch how she treated you. I can only imagine how triggering it must have been for those who can relate to what you went through. Watching Mildred constantly play the victim while refusing to let you speak was also hard to watch. Whoever runs the show should be ashamed of themselves.
So glad to see you stand up in such a graceful ways. We knew every word she said in the reunion was a lie. Her face showed no guilt or compassion, putting mom and race card was the lowest Mildred could go. She has been manipulating you, since day one. The financial of manipulation was also so low from her end. I have been in an abusive and toxic relationship and its take a lot to stand up for one and walk out. Hope you find happiness and peace soon.
Girl there’s a whole subreddit dedicated to the truth for you. I feel awful that you had to experience that and as a bisexual latina HOW DARE she use our race as an excuse to act like that. You are beautiful and amazing and I know you held back how you really felt and that show show strong you are my love. ❤❤ sending love girl anybody would be BLESSED and lucky to have you
Proud of you Tiff💗💗💗
Wishing you the best Tiff!
Maybe you have to be a fellow dog owner to notice this but the cute Shiloh panting in the background while you spoke your truth melted my heart. She’s got you ❤
she‘ll learn in the next life, hopefully, thank god you‘re out of this toxic circle, narcissists just suck the people around them empty, hope you can fill your life with wonderful things now ♥️
I'm sorry about everything you experienced. I'm curious why you think Mildred has NPD over borderline personality disorder. From what I saw on the show, her stark fear of abandonment and history if it and unstable relationships pointed more to BPD, than NPD which is a lack of empathy (which it seems like she does have some level of empathy). Would love to hear your thoughts.
I wish Mildred was heterosexual I would love a woman like that with a man like me and y’all are gullible how y’all kno this is facts y’all wasn’t there hahaha y’all some followers haha
Life can truly only get better for you after getting out of this situation and it definitely seems that that’s the case, it’s amazing to see you thriving and looking so happy with your new partner on social media- you deserve peace and happiness
Using fFf is not the best word on this show / it you carater 😢
You were my favourite on the show. I'm sorry you went through such a toxic relationship ❤
49:18 this feeling was the result of you finally being affirmed of your feelings by your partner rather than having your partner attempt to argue and pick apart your feelings.
I had a soft spot for Tiff right from the start, then they dug themselves deeper into my heart with the unreasonably fierce way of loving their dog (I could relate to that vulnerable defense SO SO much), so seeing Tiff completely dissolve in trauma tears after/during the reunion, the helplessness, the tiredness and pain after years and years of being used to fight and being on eggshells just triggered a lot of my own emotionality and past pain. Sending out lots of love to Tiff (I hope you're still reading these) and wish you all the best for present and future. Would love to see an update on this channel every once and then!
Thank you for sharing your truth and posting this video
What I'm looking for in one package 💖
I'm in love ❤
As a Latina I cannot stand how she thinks that behavior is normal to our culture. She is NOT a good representation of who we are. I was disgusted and appalled when she made that comment. I’m glad you got away!
What shocked me was how people just sat there in the Reunion show allowing Mildred to be abused like that. Security should have been there to remove ber.
You are an amazing partner, real and genuine. I am so sorry that she put you through this. It was very clear to me that Mildred was abusive. I am very glad you left her. You deserve the best! It destroys the nervous system, I too had/have PTSD but mine was from neglect. I am so glad you have educated yourself in narcissism, I studied it for years and could clearly see through Mildred. All the best to you. Hoping you never see that woman again!🙂
I just got out of on 2021 a abusive relationship after 8 years I am in healthier one now and he heal my soul and I me with my new partner I just realize how abused I was ,,, my ex destroy my reputation and my close Circle , but it was really hard to escape because as Tiff said "You stayed because you were trying to prove you were a good person" .
okay truly last comment but i knew she’d be the type to act like bc she’s more femme presenting and you’re more masc presenting that she couldn’t possiblyyyyy be abusive to you bc you’re sooo big and strong and she’s just an innocent little latina 🙄 it’s such bullshit and so normalized within queer culture that i fully expected it, especially with her being a narcissist and needing to be always be the victim, but it still makes my blood fucking boil she had the audacity to try that shit. fucking horrible. i’m so sorry and again i’m so glad you were able to get out of that relationship.
I’M ASKING YOU TO CARE ABOUT MY DOG
oh my god okay last comment fuck 😭 but the fact your ex was maybe not a full citizen….. my ex wasn’t either and held that over my head constantly. so that’s yet another layer i relate to 😭
“it took me years to finally understand the deep and vast victim complex that was going on. and quite frankly, it was not my battle to fight and that is why i got up and left the reunion” fuck yes exactly!!! it was not your issue nor your battle and she kept trying to force you into that place so she could go in even deeper on you and further victimize herself. god i’m sorry for all the comments but i just relate to your situation so much and i’ve never seen a fellow lesbian share their story about this type of abuse. thank you again 😭💖
also in regard to the reactive abuse, i’d been researching the topic as well as narcissistic abuse for nearly a full year when my abusive ex decided to throw those terms in my face as soon as she could once she’d heard about it on tiktok. i had been keeping all my research and findings to myself bc i knew that conversation would not go well at all and that she’d flip it around on me so i was absolutely crushed when she ended up doing that anyway. she had such a tight grip on me that she actually managed to make me question myself (even tho i already had been throughout my research) to the point i somehow felt even crazier. she called her physical abuse “reactive abuse” when she was the one who introduced it and perpetuated it in our relationship. the only time i’ve ever been physical with her was on 2 occasions: when she had me on the floor and dumped soda on my face and began hitting me so i kicked her in the stomach, and the second time was when i was trying to leave the house with my dog and she took my car keys and refused to give them back to me during a fight so i panicked bc her hitting me had been normalized and my poor dog was shaking and i just needed to get out of there with my sweet dog, so in trying to pry my keys out of her hand i obviously ended up scratching her and “grabbing her arm too hard” which she later turned into me “punching her arm” i’m sure i did grab her arm too hard and i don’t remember punching her arm but regardless she somehow managed to paint those two instances as me instigating abuse and her reacting, and just conveniently left out all the other times she hit me or hurt me or tried to strangle or suffocate me while i was literally limp and did not even bother fighting back bc i was so numb to life at that point i couldn’t even care. (spoiler alert, it’s less fun for the narcissist when you don’t care so she’d end up giving up. tho i hadn’t fully understood that at the time). so yeah. my ex always blameshifted and was pretty successful in doing so with me for years. but once i decided to stand up for myself with my words no matter how calmly i tried, did not help in getting the understanding i so desperately craved. she even tried calling me a narcissist at some point which is hilarious now that she’s actually admitted to being a narcissist most of her life and even identifying with someone on tiktok who called themselves a “malignant narcissist”.(although of course she can’t fully admit guilt or blame and still fully believes she is no longer a narcissist and healed all of that on her own before she ever met me lol.) genuinely the most frustrating mind fucking years of my life i commend you for being open and honest about this topic and for also being able to open yourself up to finding love again with someone else. i don’t know how ill ever be able to recover the emotional turned physical trauma this clusterfuck caused me
thank you so much. i actually clocked mildred as an abuser instantly within the first episode because she was so similar to my own narcissistic abusive ex, and i knew her constantly breaking up with you was a huge red flag. and when you snapped at sam i also could relate heavily with you in that moment, bc it’s so clear to those of us who have gone through this that you were coming from a place of always needing to have a wall up and walking on eggshells and having to fight and demand for your own space and basic needs. seeing mildred with aussie also confirmed that mildred was abusive bc she treated aussie like the same shit she did you and tried to provoke aussie into fighting mildred’s petty and manipulative fights. unfortunately despite all of this, i still thought (and hoped) at the end that maybe mildred actually was trying to change and better herself. for your sake i wanted it to be true and hoped maybe she wasn’t as bad as my ex and maybe even my ex wasn’t that bad and maybe change is possible. i wasn’t fully happy yall had decided to get engaged bc i knew in my heart mildred would be back on her bullshit soon but i wanted you to be happy and was hoping for the best. which is the same thing i did with my ex when i thought she truly was listening for once and growing. it took me years and years to realize my ex was even abusive in the first place, nearly 5 years into the relationship, despite the fact she’d been manipulative and stressful to be around pretty early on. but like you said it’s a vortex and it’s so hard to see what’s going on when you’re right in the middle of all the chaos. my mind was too caught up in trying to “fix” all the issues she made me believe i had caused and all the conflicts she made me believe i was solely to blame for, all while trying desperately to float above eggshells and not make things worse bc she had me believing i was the scum of the earth and should be grateful she even tried to love me. i just wish i had realized sooner once she trampled over my very normal and rational boundaries the first couple of times and that i could’ve put an end to it before i got married way too young and then had to deal with those consequences for another 7+ years. but thank you so much for talking about this. i’m so so glad you did realize your situation and can now fully understand the abuse you survived WAS abuse and that you’re not crazy the way your abuser NEEDS you to believe. i was so upset seeing the reunion and the fact mildred was even allowed to go on the show after literally being arrested for domestic violence. she should not have been given a platform after that, especially not around you. she was hostile and aggressive and abusive right in front of everyone’s eyes and some people still refuse to see the reality. i relate so heavily to your story it’s surreal and triggering but also so validating. from a fellow lesbian thank you from the bottom of my heart tiff
I used to be like Mildred before I healed and did therapy..she lives in a delusion that doesn’t acknowledge her toxic and abusive behaviours
Glad you’re doing better! You’re strong and now I understand why you were pretty quiet most of the show
I loved this video!! Subscribed❤
I just finished watching The Ultimatum: Queer Love & I can say that I truly believe your toxic tendencies seemed more to me as reactive abuse from being subject to an emotionally abusive partner for so long. I can’t say I experienced it to the same degree, but my longest relationship was 3 years and I know from personal experience that I was such a loving, patient and nurturing partner in the beginning and then at the end I became more reactive & submissive as a defense mechanism because my partner at the time took & took until I had nothing left to give. And when I had nothing left to give, I became the villain and suddenly they did NO wrong in our relationship, or the wrong they did became something I “needed to let go” because I was “becoming the toxic one”. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. I truly saw that you have a beautiful heart, and just have room to grow and heal because of that relationship. I hope you’re giving yourself the time and grace to do that!💓
Thank you for sharing this. I am so so proud of you. Keep investing in your own healing. You are so worthy. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Those of us who have been abused like this know how much insane courage it takes to protect yourself and speak out. ❤
Thank you for posting this 🙏🏽 im triggered but this is helpful
Brit you're my fave on the show! The most growth 🥰
A horrible look on Latina
This is very helpful for me to get through a phase that I am on. This often happens at the workplace too. Thank you for opening up to share your vulnerable story. You are wonderful! I hope Shylo is doing well.
Please do not carry the burden of shame on your shoulders she should be carrying. I'm sending my love to you as a survivor myself.
Don't u mean index? Or maybe tabletop contents?
i knew everything i needed to know about mildred when she was very ominously escalating what would've been a "hey would you mind cooking meals?" to cornering aussie and getting aggressive saying "you need to cook meals." this is obviously paraphrased but holy shit it was eerie watching her go from normal to so aggressive over something so insignificant just to assert power.
Tiff, I’m so proud of you for being strong enough to finally see you. I understand this position. I was in a relationship like this for 6 years, on and off. Even after I chose never to go back, we stayed friends. Through self care, mindfulness, and self-love, I finally ended the relationship for good. As a quote for a great song goes, “I miss me more!” I believe life teaches us lessons on how to be true to yourself. Love who you are and remember others opinions of you are only opinions, you know in your heart who you truly are! Much love in your journey through life!💕
I’m so proud of you and I was in a narcissist relationship and abused. I’m so thankful you stepped out.
Just finished the show, As a Latina it was upsetting seeing her say she’s the way she is because shes Latina 😢 I hope Mildred gets therapy, hurt people hurt people, I can only imagine how traumatic it was to experience that abuse. I love Tiff, I see her heart and I’m glad she made this video.
From the beginning of the show I didn’t like Mildred I liked yoly but when she defended Mildred I was like nah it’s unacceptable I’m happy tiff isn’t with her anymore
Tiff, I am so sorry that this happened to you. You explained all of this really well, and it is such a typical story and a great example of how emotional and physical develops in relationships. It is brave for you to put it out there, and it is brave to leave her. I was SHOCKED to see how some people at the reunion reacted to finding out Mildred abused you. We are cheering for you!
....Mildred's Latina?! I had no idea.
I binged the whole show in one night. I was literally in tears when watching the reunion. I could feel your sadness through the screen. Sending you much love and healing vibes ❤
What an abuser.