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This podcast is helpful but how do I navigate limits on screentime with my 10 year old? The negotiations that go on between my daughter and I are endless. I have given in too much for "just a few more minutes" and she takes advantage of that. When my husband says no more screen time, it is like day and night. My 10 year old automatically listens to him. This is such a struggle for me. Please advise! Thank you.
Guilt free education. Thank you!
What about for little boys? This is hard to tell a little white boy to love himself when the entire world is telling him to hate himself. I'm a single dad and I worry about this. I deal with tons of negative feedback. It makes it hard to try and be a good parent when everyone is against a man having a child unless he is gay. I have had tons of back lash from even my own family. I hate who I am and its hard to teach a kid to love himself. Its like the school system is set up to empower mothers and if you don't fit the mold then you shouldn't have a child.
How do you not raise an asshole? when you are an asshole is the real question.
I find it very interesting to describe self-care as something you do as preventative and not an afterthought. I enjoyed this podcast very much. Would you consider a different type of "setting boundaries" podcast about children? I struggle with this for my children ages 15 and 10, mainly my 10 year old. If there is someone else who has a podcast or book about it, please share! Thank you!
Possibly most important thing I’ve heard as a parent
And as a person - we all benefit from giving and receiving generosity in our interpretations!
I was a child during the late 50's and 60's, and found a bunch of my old report cards, reading through them I noticed every teacher labeled me " very shy. " I was so angry to read that. I was shy, but why label a child that way. Just reading those reports made me feel like a freak all over again. Do they think a child isn't aware that they are a bit different. As an adult, I realize that I was, and still am a total introvert. Back in the day, they probably didn't even know what an introvert was. I love who I am today. I am a deep thinker and a deep observer. Please don't label children like they did me. Let them please be who they are. Let them be their authentic self. There is more than likely, not a thing wrong with who they are.
This is a great distinction! I particularly like that challenging / unhappy times can be punctuated with joy. Sometimes, I think I need to be open and receptive to them and understand that sometimes the negative and the positive co-exist :)
I am so graceful to you for such fantastic tips!❤
This episode touched me😢
This is a very interesting podcast. Are there any podcasts related to sibling rivalry with older children? Thank you.
Even as I struggle...I remain good inside! Thank you for your great advice...I struggle with that too and sometimes I've felt like I'm the only one struggling 😢...I feel hopeful and ill continue to improve as a mother!
Million thanks for sharing your knowledge and time with us 🙏🙌🤞✨💐🌷💕
Thank you! I so needed to hear this one. I’m in the EXACT same boat with my 4 year old boy! This was so helpful.
Hi Dr. Becky - with regards to the question that was asked about the 14 month old toddler that keeps waking up and ends up in her moms bed during the night. I noticed you focused on the husband help part of the equation but you never addressed if it is all right to have your toddler sleep in bed with you when they have difficulties, nor how to deal with those difficulties when they arise. I would be very interested to learn your thoughts there.
This is a tough topic for me. I think most parents will say they did the best they could, and in many ways I believe to some degree that is true. However, as much as I know my mother loved my sister and I, there was a cycle I still struggle to break. My mother was always a yeller and she hit. She often would pull my hair as a child and cursed a lot. I know I am an adult with my own free will and am capable of making decisions and choices. However, I still struggle with being reactive and I yell a lot and will curse. This is definitely affecting my relationship with my 10 year old daughter. I think she has an unhealthy attachment to me, always wanting me to be home with her and upset if I go out for even a few hours. She "needs" me to be close to her in proximity to her bedroom when she goes to bed every night. How do I break this cycle of yelling and learn to set clear boundaries that I will be consistent with. BTW, I hope this does not seem like an excuse but I really feel that I also have A.D.D. but was never formally diagnosed. I do take meds for anxiety too. Thank you for your advice.
Hi Dr. Becky! I really enjoy learning from your podcasts. I was wondering if you have created any podcasts that focus on siblings for ages 10 and older. I have two daughters, ages 10 and 15. I have a very hard time setting boundaries with my 10 year old. This is especially with respect toward her sister, her feeling like I am always yelling at her over her sister and screen rules. I would really appreciate a podcast with older children! Thank you!
I'm learning so much from you as an ECE.
If i see Dr. Gabor Mate’s name on a title i quickly click on it and listen to him because i know an imperfect parent like me will learn a lot from him. Thank God for people like him. For his wisdom and the courage to share it🙏🏻☝🏻
I am so grateful for the clarity this brought about parental rage and how it is unmet needs that we have. The second take away brought me to tears the moment that you spoke it. I have been identifying myself as a parent and nothing else for a couple years too long now. Being of selfless service, trying to compensate for what I felt like was a horrible beginning to a childhood for my son. Realizing now that I unintentionally only caused more damage by doing so 🥲 I am ready to discover who I am outside of being a mother, I don't fully know that part of myself and letting go of the grip I have seems beyond terrifying. Thank you both for your time, all the work that you have done and for being vulnerable and honest with us all to provide these resources and help as many parents as you can. 🙏💚
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Hi Dr. Becky. I wondered if I could ask your advice about something. I have two daughters, Alyssa (age 15) and Julia (age 10). Julia is constantly upset because she feels that I yell at her more and only punish her. Alyssa instigates things like any other teenager, but Julia is always defensive. She seems to be jealous of her sister, as Alyssa goes to the mall, Target or Starbuck's all the time. She doesn't seem to understand that if Alyssa has her own money, she is mostly using that. I cannot keep buying everything Julia wants. I know I yell at Julia often but feel that she is often disrespectful of Alyssa and myself. However, if it is her dad, she is of course different with him and more or less listens to him, especially when it comes to screens. I fear the random use of screens has created an unhappy child too. I try to limit screen time, but Julia never seems content unless it is on a screen, having a playdate (this does not happen every weekend) or shopping. How do I create rules and boundaries with each age, especially when it comes to screens and shopping? Thank you so much.
Great because in life there's no punishment or consequences for any wrong doing so of course we need to teach children that lie so they can grow up derranged and constantly trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with them...
Omg! This is absurd! How would a 2 1/2 year old be able to take in these type of words? and you can “practice “ all you want but when the child bites they are in “fight or flight” meaning they can not reflect and think oh I better bite my chew toy rather than my brother. It’s very obvious from watching this that she has not actually worked with children.
Love you Dr. Becky Kennedy. You are a genius....! Keep speaking spreading the message ! kzread.info/dash/bejne/eoCKuNl9acWtYtY.html
This hit home! My youngest has gotten stitches because of aggressive older sister. It's hard! "I won't let you!" is my new favorite advice. The way you break this all down is so helpful. New listening to you, but I've already learned so much. I love the good inside thought. It's spot on! I have been leading my kid nothing she's a bad kid. Thank you for sharing this!
*to think not nothing
What about a kid who doesn't care about putting his best effort in? Who doesn't have any ambition?
Hi! Such an interesting approach. Sounded off but hearing the backing it does make sense. Teaching The whole person… I have an ABA background whereby the trigger is noted but the consequence is more what determines the future frequency of a behavior. Your approach suggests the trigger for the behavior is actually something more effective to focus on, very comforting actually. This may be very hard with those with challenging intellectual abilities, but I will try to incorporate this idea!
Love love love...love Dr. Becky and how she answered that first question! So helpful to role play being on their level and being an ally. On a personal note, I have a lot of activation and trigger to the term "emotional vaccination. That really doesn't land well for me at all... only because vaccination has so so so much around it in this day in age....and for me note positive!
She said her husband isn't always there. The issue may be him feeling guilty he is left out so he caves. There seems to be a need to communicate with the husband. A good understanding of this would be viewing your relationship with someone else's kid who you barely see but the child loves hanging out with you and respects you. I think the mother is struggling to understand her own internal conflicts, it comes off as her being jealous. Best thing to do in the situation is meet the child at their level. If the child loves when daddy gets home, you love it too 😂..... Dad would feel so loved he gives the power back to you. When the child asks for something, dad will redirect the child to ask mommy. 2 parenting household struggles are way easier than being problematic and separating. Separation of the parents is the real problem. 2 different households causes a rift and that's where the real power struggle comes in.
Brilliant!!!
the attack on Rafah has begun and ya'll wanna talk about money?🤮 mantras are dumb anyways (too real politik). the only mantra my kid's gonna hear from me about money is that it's fake. that's right- money is made up, kids. all the suffering and homelessness? totally the threat that forces us to walk the line... until things change. a free Palestine will free us all 🍉
I’m an Therapist. An OLD one. Older Gen x and a parent. I keep hearing “I’ve tried this and it doesn’t ‘work’” you don’t always have to take responsibility for your kid’s feelings. Or fear them. Out in public, no. Don’t take them if they can’t get a handle on it WITHIN REASON (no excuse to hurt people, etc). At home, maybe let them be their baby selves WITHIN REASON (I keep saying that because what I am saying is gray. Not black and white.) If you leave them alone with the play date, to some extent they will work it out and have natural consequences. Again, within reason. The hand wringing we all do -and I’ve done it, believe me - does NOT help them.
Thanks for your insight and wisdom
The voicemail describes our situation to a T. It’s been 8 months of our child being potty trained but poop simply hasn’t clicked. The first 6 months we did pretty well not shaming and doing our best to encourage poop in the bathroom, but I definitely hit my breaking point. Hoping I can back peddle and reinstate that neutrality and give back that sense of control. Pray for us. 😅 What do you think about timelines? Should I simply not stress about that? Our child won’t be going to preschool anytime soon, so no pressure there. Child is 3.5. How does it happen? Does it just click and they magically start doing it?
My 4yo grandson was born 3 months before covid started. He went to family daycare from 9 months old and only associated the 2 other children and never displayed any problems with other kids but when he started kindy he was fighting the his peers. The kindy managed this with re-sets, where he was pulled away from the other kids until he calmed down. What we see now that we didnt see before is a 4yo that is terrified of other children. Any child that approaches him sends him into a panic. His fight/flight response is triggered with children. He talks to unfamiliar adults e.g asking a shop assistance for an icecream but if a child approaches him he has a look of pure terror on his face, we have never seen him speak to an unfamiliar child. Recently I took him to a playground and there were 2 children who were about 2 or 3 and he wouldnt go on the equipment until the chilren had left the playground. It is heartbreaking to watch someone so little be socially isolated. 😥 I spoke to his Peadiatrician about this and he said he is seeing so many kids born during the covid years with social anxiety. Is anyone else noticing this amongst their children?
This one was extra helpful, thank you!!
On the remote situation _this is definitely a screentime issue & the effects the screentime has on each individual child … there is a lot of research, Hubeman touches greatly on this, Dr Debbie also has a interview with him. So the principal can still be applied as she explains just _ the child should not be exposed to the screen !!! Even 9min of screen time can have this overstimulating effect
Hi, I like your ideas when it comes to just removing the item that a kid is struggling with. Such as the remote controller. However I’m struggling to figure out how to apply this to items you can’t just take away such as clothes. I mean if my kid refuses to actually their clothes away, how do I take the clothes away that they actually need? Clothes, or food, etc compared to something like a remote control which isn’t an actual need. The only thing that has actually come out of my mind and mouth is to say “if you don’t pick up and, or put your clothes away, I will give them away to someone who actually cares about them!” Or I will use the phrase “fine then they’re going in the trash!” Something to that effect. If you happen to see this, or even have time more clarification on removing obstacles that have to do with needs and not just other items not needed in every day life that would be much more helpful! Thank you.
This is so helpful. Thank you!
The conversation about resilience is eye-opening. The meaning of “rest” is huge. 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 The discussion on sleep training and empathy are warming my heart.
[ 4 non-negotiable needs ] 1. having a secure attachment with parent 2. rest - doing nothing to make the relationship work (unconditional love) 3. be able to experience all emotions 4. free spontaneous play out in nature
I do not let her have her phone in her room, but how do you have a phone with no browser, and no social media apps.?
What about vaping and putting naked pictures on social media? I took the phone away for 1 1/2 years and gave it back, 49 days later I found underwear pictures on social media. I ask why she is doing this she says she doesn't know. ( I get it attention) I have 5 kids and she is the baby. She is like an only child. I give her plenty of attention. Her brother and sisters are very close. The vapes she got from school used her babysitting money. She is 15 and will be 16 in 4 weeks. I never had to deal with this with her older sisters.
I liked because I’m learning English and I have to learn how to take care of boy of 7 years in school the school gave me the opportunity to work there and take care of this child and you teaching me so much because you put the subtitles and when something I don’t onderstend lol in my own lenguaje God bless you
Hi. I thought I set a boundary around my child having a haircut based on the school rules and he went to piece about it. He reminded me, that Dr Becky said he should be involved in the decion making. This made me curious. I asked more questions. Turns out he wants to wait till a scar on his forehead heals before a haircut. We reached an agreement and a few days later he was ready for the haircut because he felt secure in the scar being sufficiently healed. It was an empowering experience for both of us. I'm so glad I didn't force a haircut without listening to his concerns. Tx Dr Becky❤
🤣 "promo sm"
Many thanks, dear for sharing your knowledge and experience with us. This problem-solving is really vital for those who want to break the circle 🙏✨💐🩵
Dr please help me with this My son curses himself when I take the phone from him or do not buy him a certain thing. What should I do? He is 8
Don't give a smart phone to an 8 year old...
One years old are seriously complicated she doesn’t know what she wants . She can’t vocalize her feelings or anything. She goes ballistic after learning to walk at 14 months my first baby at 42 . She wants her independence. I try to ignore but it’s super hard I know being stern n firm really doesn’t make a difference at this age .