Now I understand my father's behaviour after my mother died. 1) Gathered all the sympathy and attention and pity on him as the bereaved husband - I was only 14, people sternly told me to "be strong for your dad - he needs you now." Jackie Kennedy was held up as an example of the dignified stoicism expected of me at my mom's funeral - while people crowded around my dad to comfort him. 2) It was as if my late mother had let him down and she was immediately forgotten. 3) He was immediately on the prowl and 6 months later he was married again. 4) We were not allowed to mention my late mother - but this was supposedly out of respect for the new wife. What he didn't know was that he was marrying a covert narcissist. And entered hell - although he didn't know it at first. And when his suffering became unbearable he blamed me for it. He had no contact with me and didn't answer my letters - that made it possible for her to tell him anything about me - presumably very hurtful stuff. She told him "that child" (me) would tell stories in an attempt to "drive them apart." So he had no conversations with me unless she was present and didn't read my letters. Even while I was still at home, she would look deeply in his eyes, cooed over him and, as he turned away, very flattered, she would pull faces and make her daughters laugh by sticking her tongue out at him, at his back. Then she looked triumphantly at me - I wouldn't dare say anything - since I knew dad had already been primed that "that child" would tell stories to cause trouble and drive them apart. He died 10 years after they married. I think he was poisoned.

“Having Died without his consent!!”😆How dare you!!!

Ex narc fiance had a harem of married women. One became a widow and within seconds was making a claim on my fiance ... This is how I found out what he was. I left - went absolutely no contact. But needless to say two narcs together looks like a rollercoaster of chaos, her Facebook showed the mess. This now makes sense on how a widow could just forget her dead husband, and replace. Her poor dear husband was clearly an object only.

The narc had told me you cannot die. Spot on 💯

I'd rather the Narcissist die than me. But honestly, I really do not wish death upon him. Like Sam just said,"No contact." Yes Sam, I intend to take your advice.

My mother has my father’s ashes in her nightstand. Pictures of him everywhere (including taking photos to my sister’s house which she places around the room while she’s there). It’s so disturbing to realize that she’s always been like this, it’s only more noticeable now that he is gone.

My ex Narc said his late (2nd) wife was the love of his life and that he “deserves” true love again. He has all the classic narc behaviors and mother childhood trauma so he must have treated her the same way. Now he is the “victim” of her death and uses her for sympathy. Then he started to triangulate me with his dead wife… comparing me etc! I don’t even think half of it was true… he just said it to manipulate me!

Absolutely superb and profound. Thank you, Prof, for infusing the most complex and painful concepts with humour and empathy.

Thank you!! Again

Thanks for the video

In my experience about 95%of Narcissists die before their intimate partner. They die with out their partners permission 😂.

Great video content, i have it listen/see several times, for understand the dense information in it, Thank you!

a strange experience with my father was, that first he destroyed my mother and 40 years after her death, he idealized her again and died exactly at the same date. even he was married with someone else for all these years. how does this fit? can it be, that he needed so very much the idealized picture for his own death?

Dr. Vaknin, can you talk about relationships with narcissistic mothers as an adult? You've stated that one of the stages of the relationship with a narcissist is discard, but why mothers refuse to let their favorite object (child) go? I've known two cases: in the first, the mother is always too ill or too broke (by taking in more and more debt) to stop _needing_ the son (and in my country the law forces adults to take financial and physical care of their old parents). On the other hand, someone different, who also had a smothering, pedestalizing narcissistic mother, recently unsuscribed from life. The issue is that the mom had some so subtle level of content about it... like from now on, nothing will ever confront her snapshot of him, now he's beyond perfect and will be whatever she wants him to be, forever.

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

@Dan_Chiron

2 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin I've binge watching your videos (almost reached half of them) and still haven't found anything about the relationship between a non narcissistic adult and their narcissistic old parent. I'm not trying to be demanding (of course I can do my own research), it's just I find your point of view the most accurate on this subject and I'm interested in hearing your opinion.

That's what you have to do first: a lecture about death that will make you shit your pants laughing.😂

Very accurate, misses the functionality. You are a the pipe for a water , who will provide the water when the tap is broken ?

Most narcissists survive their holy partners. My dad and my FIL both left before their narcs

Professor, what is it like with this shame in narcissistic people? my former partner felt practically no shame about the mess in the house when she invited guests, and about her own physicality. Greetings from beautiful and sunny Poland

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Search the channel for "shame".

@musica-ye1rl

2 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin right! A lot position about shame, like in kamasutra ;)

Is it possible to stay calm and in a good mood while being in the same room with a narcissist who has been abusing us for years?

@franco2b145

2 ай бұрын

If you have sound plan to escape.. yes it’s doable. I did! And disappeared with the children! I Smiled up until the last second! Get planning! You can do it!!🙌🏻🙌🏼🙏🏾

@piotrk29

2 ай бұрын

@@franco2b145 I left them but they can always return in a bad moment ( restaurant, gym, any public performance), that's why I asked.

Hello professor, do the things that you described in this video also apply when a narcissist’s sibling dies? Or is there a different dynamic that takes place?

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

Any person with whom the narcissist is in a shared fantasy.

I might get Alzheimer's and so this is coming my way I reckon

Sir, I was searching your channel to find some valuable real information on double bind....is it the same as intermittent reinforcement....mixed signals...hot and cold ,. Black and white... dichotomous thinking....absurd word salad ?

@samvaknin

2 ай бұрын

I mention double bind in my videos but now will dedicate a video to it.

@user-jt3so9kb1l

2 ай бұрын

@@samvaknin yes sir, you have probably mentioned this concept in the video "when narcissist sys 'x' he means 'z' ".... Thank you so much...looking forward for the real knowledge on the topic....grateful to you for brilliant knowledge on every concept of narcissism and borderline