Cole, you've helped me realize that men have a MASSIVE problem...: To many guys get all their interaction (romantic and otherwise) from their phones and screens. So when a young lady comes along and actually speaks to you, you have no choice but to fall immediately. Your brain registers it as a a scarcity and so it begins to "optimize" for her and obsesses. Thank you for your content, brother! You're a huge inspo for everything I create on mine.

@Zack-dv6rz

11 ай бұрын

I've caught myself doing this so many times, eventually I just had to brainwash myself and actually find some goals that fired me up where even if I did have an interaction with a girl I would literally appreciate the convo then go straight back to thinking about what my next step in my goals were.

@chrisjfox8715

11 ай бұрын

Tbh there's nothing wrong with limerance/infatuation as long as you 1) use that energy to actually get to know the girl one-on-one, and 2) don't ruin your life jumping through hoops trying to please her

@free22

11 ай бұрын

This is because in the US, and this is video is made by an American, men and women don’t have true friendships, at least not ones where there is nothing expected of each other. In other countries, men and women talk and engage with each other in social settings. At parties, events, and get togethers, you talk to people you know you are not planning to get into bed. Just to socialize. That never happens in the US. You only talk to the opposite sex when you want something from them.

@chrisjfox8715

11 ай бұрын

@@free22 i hear you but never is an exaggeration

@mustbecome

11 ай бұрын

@@Zack-dv6rz That's fantastic you had the self-awareness to make a change brother.

why is this too relatable?

@ColeHastings

11 ай бұрын

I’m in everyone’s head (I’m just a human being with no supernatural skills)

@russellwestbrookyellingatw9381

11 ай бұрын

Bro I feel in love in one cashier, she's the first woman that I was ever actually attracted to. Feminine, my type looks wise, kind and innocent. Real wife material. All that being said I got rejected. But ever since that I gained 10 lbs of lean mass I'm gonna count that as a win.

@Daveighna

11 ай бұрын

How did you finish watch it in 4minutes?

@vividchilling2492

11 ай бұрын

@@russellwestbrookyellingatw9381 sorry to hear that bro, but good job on telling her your feelings, that's very good.

@Eurodollartrader

11 ай бұрын

Literally Me

Ugh I needed to be called out for this. I was at a climbing gym and this woman caught my eye like no one ever before. I wasn’t planning on talking to her, but she was struggling on this one bouldering problem that I thought was pretty hard for a beginner like me. She fell back from the wall and saw me smiling at her and approached me with “have you ever not been able to do something you’ve done last week?” I thought I would be panicked, but it lead to like a 5 minute spontaneous conversation and it felt like we were on the same frequency for the whole thing. She made me laugh and I made her laugh, and apparently we had the same taste in music. I didn’t even know her name but it felt like we were talking like old friends. This happened a few days ago and I still can’t move past this moment. While I’d like to keep talking to that woman, I realize I really shouldn’t obsess about this, because in reality I have no idea what she’s like.

@UserRobot215

11 ай бұрын

Your first mistake was even having that conversation with the woman. You could have easily prevented all of this multiple times. 1. You could have ignored her and not looked at her, ignore her struggling. She'll figure it out eventually. 2. You could have been cold with her and ended the conversation very early on, like give her one worded answers and have a resting b**** face. That second point has come in handy many times before and women simply stop the conversation and even turn cold.

@trtl9106

11 ай бұрын

@@UserRobot215 ?? I’m not regretting having a good conversation with that person. I’m just realizing that I’m lingering on this one moment and obsessing over it. Sure, limerence wouldn’t be a problem if you don’t engage with anyone, but even this video wasn’t saying anything negative about having any sort of contact with a person. Limerence from what I gather is all in my head and I want to fix that “easy to fall in love” part of myself and also even have good friendships within the opposite sex.

@UserRobot215

11 ай бұрын

@@trtl9106 But you wouldn't ever linger on those moments if you never talked to women. That's the easiest fix there is

@trtl9106

11 ай бұрын

@@UserRobot215 you ain’t wrong lmao I respect your opinions but I’m trying to be less avoidant in social situations. Isolating myself and denying others’ advances on me (whether platonic or romantic) have been miserable, and I’m positive that stoicism and self regulation can exist within the context of having a casual conversation with people, women included.

@jackiemaldonado7777

11 ай бұрын

You did nothing wrong. It's ok to be curious ❤

Media conditioned a lot of us to believe love comes as easy as existing, that it was fated, that the purest love is non-transactional, that we are bound by red threads of fate or all these corny things. I was disabused of that notion for over fifteen years of my life. Now only the lesson remains.

@legoboy-ox2kx

11 ай бұрын

I agree that having an understanding that healthy and loving relationships don't come from fate, there's a reason why those old stories and fables like the red thread of fate exist. Because the chance of meeting someone who you have the chance of connecting with on such a deep level is so rare that it feels like it has to be fated when it does happen, even if that's not really true. One of my favorite songs is about this whole idea of that one person out there existing and just living their life, and knowing that you will probably never even meet them.

This relates to me as well. Very hard not to fall in love easily when you get rejected over and over again. I’ve felt invisible my whole life even though I keep trying to improve my self but still not enough.

@afghani_stallion5613

11 ай бұрын

Self improvement is for you, not others. Keep your head up, you’ll find the right one eventually.

@RiruKrypto_

10 ай бұрын

@@afghani_stallion5613eventually, well she’s not going to pop out of nowhere, you gotta interact and talk to people.

This video took me on an emotional rollercoaster. Cole you are a great storyteller and thank you for being vulnerable with us

@ColeHastings

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for the love

This is very relatable. I'm 31 and on the autistic spectrum. Despite having had a few partners, as well as having occasional experiences with dating/sex, I get more rejections than successes. I was always the weird one around women. I would romanticise myself being with them, rather than pay attention to my insecurities and finding proper solutions to past traumas - eg. emotional abuse, bullying etc. It's the case where everytime I fancy a woman, I envision getting her to meet my family/friends, partake in her special interests, get her into my favourite bands/movies, have all the kinky sex in the world with her, get stoned together, move in together, marry and start a family. I blame the media (also porn) for having these unrealistic expectations of finding the perfect partner. It's like your life is so shit that you're looking for that special someone to pull you out of the misery and lead you to the promised land of freedom and eternal happiness. Happened recently with a girl I liked. I'm an actor in my spare time and this girl I liked has been in a few plays with me. Great actress. Great person. Found out she has a partner. All good, we're still friends, but I was mad at myself for romanticising shit with unavailable people. It made me think long and hard about what I actually want to do with my life. I'm in my 30's and in order to fully love myself again, I'm aiming to: - Travel the world and see what it's like. Meet new people, have new experiences. - If the acting/screenwriting thing doesn't work out for me (always happy to have it as a hobby) , then I want to give back to society and help people. I.e. set up a service for men and help them to deal with their mental health issues, while promoting the positive sides of masculinity: bravery, courage, protecting others. I've done a lot of crappy things in my time (especially when it comes to dealing with women) and I aim to be better and do better. I'm getting there with the help of a good therapist. I also have good friends and the acting hobby to help calm things down. The occasional gym helps too :) Plus, I'm also dealing with the fact that I had a porn addiction and this massively played into why I was unsuccessful with women. Blocking sites from my phone and laptop has done me the world of good :D

@trevorpotts8044

11 ай бұрын

Eyy, good luck and all the best, your doing great! Inspiring post!

@stephenkoranteng6260

11 ай бұрын

@@trevorpotts8044 Cheers, dude!

@thelonesrtider

11 ай бұрын

FWIW, make your 'self' the centerpiece of your story through this stage. Work on self-esteem to begin with. Enjoy doing your own thing and the company of yourself. Other good things will just follow. Don't suffer or beat yourself up more than necessary. Wishing you the best!

@stephenkoranteng6260

11 ай бұрын

@@thelonesrtider Totally agree! :)

@nanakveermehta7497

11 ай бұрын

Try Vipassana. It’ll fix your traumas permanently

I'm on the autism spectrum and limerence was a terrible blight on my mental health in my teens and 20s. It took me until age 30 to finally stop feeling limerence for women I liked but only wanted to be friends. At 30 I'm finally starting to date and not get enraptured in the fantasy of someone all because of things in common or sexual activity. This is because I put my well-being and my passions first. A relationship can wait, and is merely an enhancement, not a goal.

@easymoneyted

11 ай бұрын

shi guess I'm autistic

@easymoneyted

11 ай бұрын

wait but I'm a misogynist

@stephenkoranteng6260

11 ай бұрын

Same man! Romanticising relationships with a woman is not the way! Best to focus on yourself. Kinda what I'm doing, even though I would like a meaningful relationship with a woman and to start a family!

@easymoneyted

11 ай бұрын

@@stephenkoranteng6260 damn you look like a pedo 💀💀

@premshivtanna2419

11 ай бұрын

God that last line is so true! Ive only realised his recently but the timing worked out well since i might go into a relationship with somebody soon.

It comes with experience. Once you talk to more women, it becomes more natural, and you no longer even think about it. For me now, I've gotten to the point that first dates are just a fun way to get to know and see if you're both compatible with one another. There's literally no pressure at all. I do miss the rush and the excitement of getting a date, but now it's just second nature to me. I don't fall in love with women unless there's a physical and emotional connection. Hence why I can handle casual relationships, but I still long for the emotional connection of an actual relationship which is why I'm done with hookups.

@keltecdan

10 ай бұрын

I’m the opposite. I’ve been wronged by so many women that I just want to hookup and only see women as short term pleasure and nothing more. I don’t feel that nowadays women want relationships and when you do get into one there’s more of a chance of getting seriously hurt and let down. After a while of getting hurt so much you don’t want to touch the stove anymore.

I'm not a guy but I was doing this too. Loving too hard, too Quick, doing wife type things for a person that didn't even deserve it; all because of the love that I wanted. Loving the way that I wanted to be loved when that love wasn't there from that person to begin with. have to be careful because there are narcissists and other toxic people that will take advantage. Love yourself and remain in that place of self-love

Wasted 3 years of my life in highschool over someone through limerance. Was convinced she was my twin flame. Id turn down other girls because I liked her. Luckily, I found an actual girlfriend my senior year and got over the other crush.

@top-g4433

4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂 same sir 😬🫣

I’ve never really experienced unconditional love. I am a 20 year old male and even though my parents care about me they always had their own issues. I have always had a hard time socially and never really had any friends. I do believe I’m self confident, but I also find myself making imaginary versions of real people in my head because what I wanted was to experience what so many people called love since I was (and still am) curious as to what it’s really like. I have no clue how to start a relationship or how to find someone who likes me or to find someone I like even, and often I feel lost because of that. I hope it works out for me and I can find a place in society, because it’s been really hard having to do everything alone. Thank you for the video!

@cjriketf2

9 ай бұрын

It’s important to note that I quit porn 4 months ago and I started doing more self care routines, and even though I don’t see any improvement in my social life I have seen person improvement in my own health which does feel good

@male9881

7 ай бұрын

​@@cjriketf24 meses es poco tiempo, no desesperes... por cierto tienes instagram ??

As a 16 year old who’s never had a gf and who’s practiced and caught himself in limerence (multiple times), this hits really close to home. Thanks for the vid, I needed this.

@Shermoose

11 ай бұрын

Don’t forget what you learned last week. If you already have, do more research and focus more energy on growth. God bless, keep it up.

@stackthespartan1920

11 ай бұрын

@@Shermoose Appreciate you, thx for the advice. I’m trying man.

@Shermoose

11 ай бұрын

@@stackthespartan1920 a smart man learns from his mistakes, a fool never learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from other people’s mistakes. I’m 23 and have only just realized limerence was my problem. Be the wise man and learn from my mistake. Keep your mind focused on where you need to improve and you will.

@AVATARAANG-nv3rh

11 ай бұрын

God bless you brother..love from India♥️🙌

@themindelectricdemo4

10 ай бұрын

same except I’m a lesbian

Youve uploaded this at the perfect time for me. When I was a freshman in high school, I met a girl and I became infatuated with her. Its been 7 years since I've overcome that and realized why I felt that way. But now two days ago, I met another girl and I almost fell into that same rabbit hole.

@SimbaUchihaa

10 ай бұрын

I know exactly what you mean 😂 I used to do that back in highschool too...

@LilXancheX

6 ай бұрын

Same. We were all just kids with raging hormones, what you expect? 🤷🏽‍♂️

I can't believe how lucky I am to see this video now. 2 days ago I met this girl for the first time, we were playing volleyball then chatting and in that brief time I created version of her in my head. And the next day I wake up with this strange feeling in my heart and all I just want do is spend time with her. I visualize us hugging, talking and all I think is about the future of us. But this made me feel useless, I couldn't work, I was pissed at everyone and was unhappy in real life. I started to look for answers of this sort of feeling and everything I read about love didn't really correlated with what I experienced and BOOM your video pops. I can't describe with words how grateful I am.

Shit man you're so right, limerence is even worse when you're not out constantly dating, because you strike lucky every once in a while and then get infatuated even more. This video helped me realise how many of my crushes/flings have been out of limerence, damn I need to better for myself

Man, this reminds me of a funny story during College. There was this cute girl who I was convinced was attracted to me and it was a bad case limerence. But, to be fair, the way she acted around me would probably lead any guy to come to that conclusion, so I don’t think I’m fully to blame. For starters, she was the only person in our classes that would say hi to me when I entered the classroom with a wave and a bright smile. I didn’t think too much of it at first, but her insistence on being that cordial made me feel singled out. And then, one time as I was walking back home, she spotted me on the sidewalk, ran up behind me just to surprise me with a greeting. We even had a small chat before she left home. Now, I don’t know about you, but when a gal runs up to you eagerly in public to say hi like that, then clearly it’s some form of seeking attention. At this point, I was convinced she was into me. Limerence began to hit hard so I decided to build up the courage to ask her out. So, what happened? Well, the next day, her BOYFRIEND shows up at class!! 😂😂 I was embarrassed in the inside, but also super relieved knowing I dodged a bullet there, risking the embarrassment of misreading the situation in front of her and asking her out lol. To this day, those interactions have me super confused. I don’t know if she was being just friendly, but insisting of saying hi every day, or running up to you in the streets isn’t typical behaviour for an uninterested woman. Who knows? Maybe she was just a super outgoing person, that’s all. Funnily enough, her behaviour around me changed immediately when the BF showed up. She never acted as friendly ever again 🤷🏻‍♂️

@berocks2

9 ай бұрын

Well ... who says this girl cannot have two boyfriends? 😅

@kennongilson2768

9 ай бұрын

I think she really was into you, at least a little bit. Sometimes a person can have a relationship, but it's more that they've settled down for someone, and they're not really ready for that, but they could definitely use some love, to just explore it and experience it. I think the best thing, when you meet someone like this, is to go in without expectations, and then see where the feeling goes.

@male9881

7 ай бұрын

A veces las personas son tan extrovertidas que nos confunden 😢😅😅

@LilXancheX

6 ай бұрын

I think what happened here was she was trying to cheat on her boyfriend…

@DrAngelKins

2 ай бұрын

it seems like she's not satisfied with her BF. However, stuff can happen that she accidentally gets attracted to another man.

this happens to me but not often. i remember feeling like this just because a girl complimented my drawing

Told a girl that i liked after only hanging out a few times, and then got ghosted def because I said that really fast. Still haunts me to this day.

I really thought I was going crazy and really needed to basically reset my mental health thinking my obsession is so much and no one is like this. Good know this is what I am feeling and I am not alone. I do need to fix it though

Oh my goodness this just explained everything so clearly. Someone broke up with me recently and I realized I never showed my appreciation when we were together, a part of me thought that he would just automatically know that I really cared about him, but I realize now that i never really showed it. Feels like I fell for the romanticized version of him, rather than the realities of who he actually was, he showed many red flags but I ignored them since i was so caught up in this fake fantasy where i thought he was a nice guy. I realized in the end that i just felt unhappy, and always confused from his actions. I had idolized him (ik i shouldn't have) into this sweet gentleman when that was not who he was at all. Thank you for helping me notice the difference.

@ghostbiker1743

9 ай бұрын

it's a big chance that's he is a narcissistic person or he's just gaslighting you who knows🤷‍♂

Bro I was literally about to send an ultra risky text to the girl I like wtf💀 I'm head over heels for her and I've known her for only about two months now.... maybe this is a sign Edit: Aight f*** it I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck boys 💀

@ColeHastings

11 ай бұрын

Might need to bring it down to reality. Or she might really be that great. It’s worth it to take the chance and find out for yourself

@killerjaden0

11 ай бұрын

Yeah how did it go

@therevanchist7066

11 ай бұрын

@@dropkickthedecepticon4009 WE DID IT BOYS!! She told me she knew I liked her and here I was thinking I hid it well😂. I've invited her out for us to really talk it out but from our conversation things are looking good! I can't even believe it💀💀

@blackcat-zw5im

11 ай бұрын

@@therevanchist7066 That's amazing. I do hope you found the right woman and good luck on your relationship.

@vividchilling2492

11 ай бұрын

@@therevanchist7066 boy aint no way boy, good luckkk!

Great points Cole. I already suffered from it. Now I feel empty and indifferent, the needy phase has passed for now. greetings from Brazil.

Having lived through that during my High School years, I wish your videos were around back then. I think that your input may potentially save thousands from being heartbroken. Great video; you precisely delivered the essence of the topic.

Thank you for actually bringing up topics that are not so much talked about but at the sale time that are so relatable

Thank you. This is something I've struggled with all my life, and it's good to see it being put into words.

That girl at the airport i never talked to 5 years ago😐

I really like how you break down your videos. Glad to know I'm not alone in these feelings. 😊 being your own parent and speaking to myself the way I wish other people would have has helped me be stronger/happier.

Thank you Cole, had a tear drop when you mentioned "real connection people are not going to do what you want them to do"... : (

I’m a woman, but this is still super relatable . I got hurt when I was younger too and I started creating all the fantasies of a guy in my head and would only be attracted to men who were emotionally unavailable and it was exciting bc I knew it was going to end from the start so I felt a sense of comfort . But of course I just got hurt more and more bc I still got attached and tried to chase the only difference was that I already know he was going to leave so it somehow made it exciting and depressing.

Whats great about this video is that it's very clear and to the point

Cole, your videos are really awesome. They are helping me realize problems about myself that I've known were there but couldn't really address. Looking a lot clearer now. Thank you.

This is the single best relatable video ever. You are the best Cole ❤❤❤

Cole your channel is amazing! Love seeing your growth and the high quality lessons you share

Thanks, man, It's been some years since I've healed from it, but It was actually a very relatable and accurate description of what now I know is called 'limerance'. Keep it up!

I needed a video like this 15yrs ago. 😩 Been there, done that, healed a lot. Not the easiest and especially not the most common path people choose, but the most rewarding imo. A lot to unfold, to unlearn, to unpack, to come to terms with, to relearn, to understand…it’s quite a journey! But keep trying and going everyone-you can do it! ❤️

I watched several of your videos through a period of maybe half a year. I watched like 1 or 2 videos per month as they popped in my recommendation every now and then. After watching this I must say that you are truly a content creator who deserves my subscribe. You never failed to deliver a high quality video opening my eyes in various topics. Thank you very much for your great work and keep it on!

I am happy to see this because I (kinda) realized this several months ago about a failed relationship I had 4 years ago(side note : I was 12yrs old back then and pretty similar to you, but not that long)and saw that I loved the concept about her more than her as a person and grew dependent on her till it eventually failed which it was doomed to.Glad to see this and thank you for this video,god bless y´all.Amen

Hey man, thank you for this video. I have been dealing with this problem for quite some time now and tried to figure out a way that solves it. And then your Video pops up, talking about the exact same thing I am dealing with right now. Watching your Video reminds me that I'm not the only one dealing with this (it seemed like I was, for a long time). So thank you for helping me and all the other people watching this Video and thank you for reading this comment

Hard mark against myself in my 30s. This still happens, and rather than viewing someone as a person, putting them on a pedestal is the norm. The girl you see can seem like the ultimate salvation, but if you're not whole, you can never truly be reliable

Wonderful video, as always. It's important to understand our own attachment styles before we delve into forming a relationship with someone.

Thank you for sharing your own experience. Such a wholesome video which I’m sure will help many ☺️

This one hit close to home, thank you for bringing more clarity into my head

Dude this video was packed with just great advice after great advice, what a legend !

I had no Idea how much I needed this insight, Cole. You’re doing great work sir, keep at it!

I grow to understand myself, my actions and other people's ways of thinking more and more with each upload of yours. In a way it does feel like a psychology lecture hahaha. One thing I really liked about this video specifically is that you were totally honest towards the end when it came to explaining your own experiences. Doing the simple things like "writing down bad intrusive thoughts and replacing them with something positive" really help. Hopefully someone out there that is struggling with this exact problem finds this video and gets their gears going a bit. Thanks again Cole 🙏

Thank you I needed this someone just picked up my stuff yesterday and I haven’t stopped thinking about them

This video came in the nick of time. Thank you so much, Cole

Thank you :/ I’m in this situation right now where I feel everything you said but was able to kinda snap out of it and realize something about all that fantasizing wasn’t good for me. It’s crazy to hear someone explain it like this.

So much of this is relatable and on point in my own life. But from the opposite. I don’t fall in love easily and fight it and after I learned how to love myself I was open to loving someone else and it’s worked out between us for 3 years now. After over a decade of not dating and swearing off relationships.

Awesome video , you dropped this 👑 , in all seriousness great video man , i can resonante with this message and i think a lot of guys also can relate to this. Im currently through this process and i discovered more about myself, cant wait to share on the next meeting. 🎉👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Cole, this video has just changed my perspective on how I view relationships. Thank you ❤❤

One of your best videos so far, that will be found helpful for so many people out there!

AWESOME video. I can tell that your video quality has improved since i started watching, and every video i have ever watched from you has been beneficial. Love the content man.

This is the kind of openness we need today.

Im listening to this on repeat rn so this sinks in. Listen number 4 about to begin. ❤

omg the quality is breathtaking

I needed to hear this, thank you for this informative and eye opening video!

You are amazing Cole. one of a kind

Great vid, Cole. Thoughtful analysis and very relatable to some of my past experiences. Good stuff.

i discovered the word limerance today, and my first thought was "that would be a great band name." its already taken. i hate life. i dont care about love, i dont care about sex, i dont care about food, water, or air, all i want is to start 2 dozen bands with sickass names that have never been used before.

Another great video one that I needed to hear thanks for your work all the time

I dont know how cole but you seem to have all the answers to my confusion i have say you are real bro it helps a lot .love

Shit man fr have to keep rewatching atleast 11 times to fully soak it man it's deep! Can't be more accurate and relatable. Great job brother

Wonderful video. Keep it up. You're helping lots of people.

Can not thank you enough for the insight ! Amazing video❤

Nice vid as always, Cole! Keep the good work up 🔥

@ColeHastings

11 ай бұрын

Thank you

Thank you for this. You just explained what I'm going through and how to get out of it.

This man actually saved mt at the eleventh hour! Literally was going to do the opposite that was told from 13:36 till 14:55 Thank you!

He just likw me fr fr. Honestly I'd recognized this was a problem but this video lays out everything I couldnt put into words

This is so incredibly good. Wow. Thank you for the great work!

I dont need to wait months to know that i love you for giving us advices like that

Thank you for this video, great channel!

Thank you for sharing this !

This came at the right time love this guy!

your videos are always cooleee! you plays an important role to pull me from my wrost phase of my life

Needed to see this video today, keep up the great content!

I really need this video mannnn.. thank you so muchhhhhhh❤❤❤❤❤

This is so relatable…😢😢😢. These are the most valuable pieces of advice for me.

Liked this video. I struggle with limerence a lot since my bipolar disorder heightens my emotional state, making them so much more memorable. It’s a painfully slow process to get rid of an obsession, even if you don’t want to feel it at all

To avoid things like this, I stand by the rule that I won't date anyone I'm not friends with first. Every girl I've ever had an interest in has been a close friend for some period of time. I don't like dating upon first meeting someone, I feel that is a recipe for disaster most of the time as you don't know anything about them nor if you have similar interests or hobbies at all.

@nadourjfarcuson3487

11 ай бұрын

Thing is most of our fellow men arent genuine with friendship and just hover for an opportunity at sex. Where as most girls are grown to just hang around a guy that will spend his money to entertain them and give them an experience. So hence the rule of guys and girls cant be friends which overules the exception and is more prominent in the adult world compared to school life Most girls arent groomed to like hobbies we guys enjoy and some none sports hobbies are gate kept from girls by our fellow men for different reasons.

This is a really good video. I got ghosted and it has me depressed. This person is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I like when you said to givve it a few months to see how this person is and write out negative things, and become that great person you dream of.

Hey Cole, I don't usually comment on KZread (I'm a serial Lurker), but I felt very strongly about this video and felt like posting. I'd really like to thank you for making this video and drawing awareness to this. I had serious issues with this and did not learn about this term until I started my mental health journey in January 2022 after having a mental breakdown that related to one of three major experiences with limerance that I have had in my life (this one was the most intense and began upon meeting her in November 2021 up until arguably a year later well after we were in contact). I've had a lot of negative experiences in my life ranging from homelessness, child abuse (physical and emotional, mostly from my father), child neglect, some pretty bad rejections, lost two brothers who died due to health issues, etc. By the time that I had gotten my shit together financially I started dating but I would go from partner to partner and, like you said in the video, I would essentially bail at the slightest sign of incongruency with the image in my head or even due to feeling like I had to open up about myself. It got to a point where I realized I had to stop dating other people and, as weird as it sounds, date myself. I deleted all my dating profiles December 15th last year and spent the last 7 months or so first rebuilding my relationship to myself and then my relationship with others. Only now am I getting back out there and I no longer experience the limerant feeling that often, but even if I do I have developed the tools to address it. Long comment but this was the best and most easily consumable video I have seen on this topic and I think that there needs to be more awareness of this so that people can have the tools to enter relationships from a more wholistic place. Keep up the good work! *Returns to Lurking*

@trtl9106

11 ай бұрын

Yo thanks for sharing! I’ve been a lurker too but I recently found the mental improvement part of KZread and I’ve been trying to be more vulnerable with strangers like in this manner. I think I have been relying on limerence in my past relationships, and I mentally check out whenever the relationship doesn’t take the form of my fantasies, romantic or not. It’s definitely not intentional, but I was absolutely responsible in communicating these mismatches in expectations and reality to my ex partner. I have always been the shitty and entitled one, but honestly I didn’t even know what it was that I was wanting. It feels like I would have wanted unconditional love, but I know I was too scared to be vulnerable with my partner and hid things from her. I don’t want to make the same mistake again, and I really want to get to the root of the problem. Anyways, I’m glad to hear that you are doing better random KZread commenter :)

@trailerhero

11 ай бұрын

@@trtl9106 you’re welcome! And you’re doing a great job! Keep it up my fellow lurker 🥷👀🤙🏾

@lucwijngaard8413

11 ай бұрын

Interesting comment man!

@RiruKrypto_

10 ай бұрын

I leave comments but rarely read them because it’s always negative.

@RiruKrypto_

10 ай бұрын

Yooo you look like Longbeachgriffy 😂

Enlightened 😊…awesome content as always

This probably is the best timed video ever to pop up on my timeline.

Limerance- when your ideals of your crush having the dream qualities u want, overshadows the reality and character she truly is to the point it ruins you...I deeply needed to know this

Cole, there is so much I want to say after coming across your channel and this video. But let me just sum it all up by saying: Thank you! You've helped me understand myself better.

So much relatable 😂😂 You saved my time

@ColeHastings

11 ай бұрын

Haha thanks

Wow, this was very well explained and very relatable. I learned a lot from your video! Thank you and keep it up!

Amazing message brother 👏

Bro i needed this right now. Thank you.

@ColeHastings

11 ай бұрын

Got you bro

I needed this badly

Holy smokes I needed this! Thanks Cole!

Thank you so much ❤ this is so relatable 🥺.

This video is needed. My entire life is about to change cuz of this. Thank you

Ive started my healing journey, it feels good. I havent conquered all of my time wasting habits but im much closer than ever before, and im thankful for it. I dont play video games or watch adult content, i dont have social media and i dont try to go hard finding a romantic partner. I just take each interaction as it comes and continue to look for that person that i just click with

Exactly what i needed to hear exactly when i needed to hear it The cycle you described has been my life for the last 3 years and its caused a lot of hurt and grief for me An extremely eye opening and succiny video that described my mindset better than i could myself Thanks Cole :D

I swear, trying to feel loved after a traumatic childhood feels like a dog chasing its tail most days. There's a woman I've been in limerence with for YEARS and I'm painfully aware of it, but can't seem to shake the feeling no matter what I do. I know she's essentially just a stand-in for the love I am apparently so incapable of giving myself, but I still get completely tongue-tied in her presence. I was watching a video about Disney's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" recently and honestly I was always a little sad Quasimodo and Esmeralda don't end up together and assumed it had to do with his physical appearance. But this commentator casually says, "Esmeralda chooses Phoebus over Quasimodo because Quasi treats her like an Angel and Phoebus treats her like a person" and OOH was I ever shook!! It's still messing me up, but he's right. We gotta treat the people we love like PEOPLE, or we're being unfair.

@alyohin8876

11 ай бұрын

Yeah don’t put them on a pedestal

@LilXancheX

6 ай бұрын

@@alyohin8876true. Make them the pedestal

Yeah, I pretty much have limerence, for about 27 years of my entire life. All I truly want is someone who loves me for me and make me feel loved.

This guy highlighted such an important topic..I was suffering with this..😢