'Being a parent is a job you should do out of love, not out of fear or pressure.' So true.

@user-zm4fv3de5c

6 ай бұрын

THANK YOU!!!!

The more we talk about it and the more people will accept that children is a choice and not choosing them is not evil or anything like that. It’s a choice. People are allowed to choose!!!!

@clair233

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely

@Thistle780

7 ай бұрын

Not to sound rude but the reality is some family struggles to have child even if they ‘choose’ to have one. How do we go about that?

@fa_abdi3001

7 ай бұрын

@@Thistle780 ???? And? People should never comment the lack of children for that reason!!! Childless by choice or by circumstancesz

@clair233

7 ай бұрын

@@Thistle780 what's that got to do with anything on this topic within the context we're discussing ?

@elysejosephs7302

7 ай бұрын

Nobody's business but your own!

We’ve been married 37 years and have never regretted our decision to not have children. We have loved being a generous Aunt & Uncle. We love our dogs & other people’s kids, but we’ve never missed having kids. Ever. Kids deserve to be wanted & loved.🩷

As a 50 yrs old woman and a mom of 3 kids I will never understand why some people want to push kids on others. Even if I love my kids more than myself, I 100% respect and understand why some don’t want kids. It’s a totally different life and it’s wonderful. We should always make our own choices!

@nwalks6775

7 ай бұрын

I'm in same boat. So true!

@iamjulia9458

7 ай бұрын

So true. 💯 % agreed with you

@earningyourearswithkristin878

7 ай бұрын

I am glad there are people like you out there. ❤

@clair233

7 ай бұрын

Im of the exact same position and opinion.

@debcomly2481

7 ай бұрын

Amen

Aside from severe endometriosis, my reason not to have kids is simple. I spent a huge chunk of my life caring for my terminally ill mom and aunt while my brother lived his life and got married. I'm 40, and I'm just now living for myself. I love my family, and I miss them, but I will NEVER risk doing that to a child. Ever.

@seabreeze4559

7 ай бұрын

yeah being parentified is a reason for me

@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122

6 ай бұрын

Hopefully that will never be the case... it's taken such a huge toll already. Time for you to be with yourself and explore :)

@abbyvanhoose3997

6 ай бұрын

Hello,I spent my life caring for my grandmother, my Mother died when I was 7,it was awful, lived with my grandparents, most of all I really loved it,but Grandfather died 2 years later he grieved so,and it probably killed him. My grandmother I'm sure it hurt her,but she also reminded me how grateful I should be??? And that I owed her?? She raised me to believe I was to be at her beck and call,all I ever did was take her shopping,out to eat,buy her beautiful clothes,run her to the doctor 2 and 3 times a week, grocery constantly, she demanded everything, I would get ready to go on vacation, then the dreaded phone call,don't leave,I'm very sick,well I went anyway,called checked on her,she complained fulled me with guilt all the time,I was sick,ulcers to the point of going in hospital, and finally had a pacemaker put in,I also worked,in a factory, very hard work,but I enjoyed my job,finally I knew there is nothing I could do dven if I was there or not there,my sister left me with all the responsibility she would buy her things,my uncle worked 2 blocks from the house, hardly ever stopped to help,I loved my uncle dearly but my grandmother worked him over too and she drove people away, I didn't blame him for staying away ,but she was a burden,I got married had a beautiful son,so I still took care of her with a baby,had a divorce when son was 1,and another uncle at 102 years old cared for both,grandmother said it was my duty to take of him too,so 3 houses to take care of 2 older people, and my son,thought zI was going to lose my mind, fighting depression, my doctor kept telling me it was to much,to add to it my father physically beat me till I was 15, life of pure hell,I thought when will it end,the sister that moved back took over so many problems with her to,at the end grandmother turned on me after all those years and loving care,sorry s ok long of a message but I felt like you,wanted to share with you you are not alone,I am happily married to a wonderful man,takes excellent care of each other, my son went to college doing great,my husband said don't regret what you did for your family, you did the right thing,all the other grandchildren never knew what it took to take care of her,they thought I was getting something, she had nothing. I finally just washed my hands, grandmother was dying sister called me,told me to get there,I didn't go because there was nothing I could do. My heart and conscience is clear. Stay away from people that are dangerous and destructive. I hope this doesn't make you feel bad,hope you enjoy your life to the fullest and are happy, lots of love and wishes to you!! I'm forever grateful for my life now..💕💕💕💕💞💓

@catherinezilber7677

6 ай бұрын

I also know people who are the oldest of 8 and feel like they have already raised children. The other issue is that men aren't seen as caretakers (or choose no to be), so if you only have sons can you really count on the help?

@Brainjoy01

6 ай бұрын

so do you have money if that happens to you? why do you feel shame for doing a very good thing? you should be proud of yourself, not mad at your mom. youll need someone if you get sick if youre poor. thats life.

Having kids doesn’t guarantee they want to spend holidays…or any time at all with you. Now that I’m older I see the pain that scenario causes many of my friends.

I’m 40 years old. People used to say to me all the time to ‘hurry up and have kids’…. I had fibroids which had rendered me infertile (I did want children). Comments used to leave me in tears because people had no idea what was going on behind closed doors. I was blessed to have my child this year after a massive operation but as I always say…. People need to MIND THIEIR OWN WOMB! Stop asking these questions! Great video Sophie. All the best.

@cecilyerker

6 ай бұрын

Congratulations to you and your baby and God bless you both.

@dawn_heels

6 ай бұрын

@@cecilyerkerthank you so much x

@jadevu904

2 ай бұрын

wow thank you for sharing your stories, congratulations on your precious rainbow baby. Wish the best for you family

@dawn_heels

2 ай бұрын

@@cecilyerkerthank you 💕

@dawn_heels

2 ай бұрын

@@jadevu904you’re welcome and thank you 💕

Sophie this is definitely not a boring topic and as women it is often directed towards us more. My husband and I started dating at 19 & 20 and from early on we both always knew we wanted children. Everyone who knew us knew this was a dream of ours. I had four major abdominal surgeries after we met for my Crohn’s disease and because of them ended up with scar tissue that affected my entire reproductive system. We got married and from the beginning we were often asked when we would have children. This was a very painful topic for us as we were having problems trying to conceive. We did the whole IVF thing for years without any success. There were years that passed that were so painful and the last thing we need to keep hearing was when were we going to have children. It is none of anyone’s business to ask such a private question. I realized at that point that I would never be so invasive. Whether you want children or not whose business is it????? We should never have to explain our reasons. For us it was a happy ending as we ended up adopting our son and at that time all the pain went away.

@danishpastry6137

7 ай бұрын

This is the main reason its not on to ask when people are going to have kids! It's totally insensitive and can cause a lot of unnecessary pain. So happy it worked out for you. ❤

@SomethingSomethingg

5 ай бұрын

See, I don't understand why women think it's directed towards them more because as a guy I feel like I've spent my whole life being guilt tripped into having kids to "carry on the family name" like we're the Tudors or something.

As a 33YO DINK, I think you put it so well. I love the quote ‘Some people never considered that having kids was an option and not a requirement’ and also ‘If it’s not a hard yes, it’s a no’.

I'm 73 and never really wanted children. I love my friends children and my fake grandchildren. My 2 brothers also never wanted children. Once my mother asked me why we felt that way and did we have such an awful life?! I was astonished and told her no, we had had absolutely glorious lives and maybe we were the selfish ones? After that conversation my mom never gave it another thought. We lived all over the world and that was thanks to our parents. After my brother's first wife died,he married a wonderful woman with grown sons, now married and shockingly they don't really feel the need for children. If it happens good for you, but happiness is not dependent on it!

Sophie, as a fellow childfree woman, I’ve always appreciated your openness about being such, and anyone who watches your videos and doesn’t think you’re perfectly content in your life, generally, is deluding themselves, lol. But I’m especially thankful that women like you are on the internet, to let other women know they have a choice in this. Having children should be an enthusiastic yes, otherwise women shouldn’t have them. And let’s normalize not asking people about this.

@x007me

6 ай бұрын

00😊]p😊

@3243_

9 күн бұрын

"Having children should be an enthusiastic yes, otherwise women shouldn't have them". Same for us men.

@3243_

9 күн бұрын

"And let's normalize not asking people about this." Agreed 100%.

@watada

9 күн бұрын

@@3243_absolutely! No one should have kids they don’t 100% want.

The choice to have or not have children is a personal thing. They are not just for 18 years, but for ever. Your choice is not for anyone to force another individual to have them. No explanation is necessary.

As a single parent, you can't underestimate the impact a child makes in your life. It becomes the focus whether you like it or not. What you want comes 2nd every time, in terms of your money, your job, your time, other relationships, friendships. Everything can be up for change. It can be very rewarding but there is that other side of the coin that very few people talk about. If you want a child, it's something you'll know. The derire will be there. I wouldn't let fear or any other person dictate your decision. It's you who will be doing it, you who will have sleepless nights, you who carries all the responsibility.

I’m now 35 and pregnant with my first. The reality is people have something to say no matter what. Before it was *you’re too young* and then it became *when will you start?* And now I’m actually doing what people told me was the “correct” thing to do and now I’m *too old* so no matter what you do someone will think it’s wrong and complain. Just do you ❤

@ohthankg-dforthebourgeoisi9800

Ай бұрын

I sort of gave up expecting to get married and have children when I was 35. So I moved and started living my life and …I met a guy. LOL. We end up getting married at 42 and having a child at 45 years old. certainly nothing I really planned. It would’ve been nicer to start younger, but it is what it is and I’m happy. We used a fertility clinic and I used to borrowed egg because I have a number of genetic issues that I don’t want to pass down. So it was somewhat fortuitous that I started later.

To the person who wrote Sophie that email... I thought that when I got married I would want to have children and felt this pressure to make a plan to have them. The conversation was forced and stressful and it didn't feel like a good fit for us. Then one day I asked my husband what he thought our lives would be like without children...and the conversation just opened up and blossomed. We thought about all the things we could do and would enjoy and it was then we realized that children was just not for us. That was over 10 years ago and I do not regret it at all. Good luck to you, whatever you decide. :)

I made the same decision early in life as well. I’m now in my mid 60’s and do not regret my decision in the least. Asking someone “so, when are you going to have kids” I find extremely rude. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that in my younger days I’d be a multi-millionaire! Today, I have a wonderful and loving husband and a beautiful home and really ‘want’ for nothing.

I m in the position of taking care my mom with dementia at home right after my dad passed out after long illness (and taking care of him from my 27 to 44 years old) before the pandemic. I was hoping to create a new life for me and my hopes were shattered. What I can honestly say is that no parent should burden children for so long and that mentallity/ tradition should somehow end.

@marriettaharrison6266

7 ай бұрын

You are doing a thankless job. It’s not fair but you stepping up is heroic. If no one has told you thank you, I’m doing that now! Thank you for taking care of them ❤

@douglasgriffiths3534

7 ай бұрын

My dad had Alzheimer's and my mom took care of him. She was diabetic herself, and had to have a hip replacement. My dad passed away at a home for Alzheimer's patients while she was getting her hip fixed. She did recover nicely, and I offered to have her move in with me and my husband (now deceased himself). She refused, and lived 8 more wonderful years. We went many places together, her and I. (Jan Griffiths).

@katemiller7874

7 ай бұрын

Funny I looked at taking care of my parents when they declined as a privilege. They took care of me. I took care of them that’s what family does. I had 2 young children at the time. I had loving parents tho I don’t know if that makes a difference. You did a great thing. Be happy you got to see them and take care of them.

@joannecortese7341

7 ай бұрын

⁠@@katemiller7874I like your comment a lot!

@douglasgriffiths3534

7 ай бұрын

My mom was stubborn and very independent. I tried several times. (Jan Griffiths). @@katemiller7874

I have been with my husband for 22 years. I am 44 and he is 46. We almost succumbed to the societal and family pressure to have a child despite agreeing that it wasn’t our intended path. We are each other’s priority and joy and we haven’t regretted things for a second. We find meaning in lots of areas. Being childfree needs to stop being stigmatized. Thank you for this conversation. People need to mind their business when it comes to such a deeply personal decision.

I'm turning 65 in January and have very little interaction with my 40 year old son. Just because you have children, raise them, and give them the best you can does NOT mean they chose to be a part of your life. Having children is a gamble because you can't decide who they'll be as adults. You have to let them go after awhile.

@debcomly2481

7 ай бұрын

Good point!!

@NM-hx3cr

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for saying this. I'd spent the last 3 years looking after my terminally ill mother who died in August of cancer, I have a brother who lives 5 minutes from her and he did not help at all during this time. I am now burnt out completely, I don't regret giving up 3 years of my life to care for my mom as I loved her and I grew up thinking "family comes first", but it sure would have been easier with some help from my brother, No guarantees in life that ones children will look after them. My mom learned the hard way that she didn't really know the son she had raised but at least I have zero regrets that she didn't have to go through her illness alone, she called me her "guardian angel". I do hope you and your son connect but as you say, it is a gamble.

@RachRuray

6 ай бұрын

@@NM-hx3cr yes , and you could have kids who actively make your life hell. I know someone with a child with a severe personality disorder who utterly wrecked their life. Physical and emotional abuse off the charts.

@pineapple7352

6 ай бұрын

@@NM-hx3crsame thing happened with my brother. My mom and I took care of my dad. My brother lives in another country and basically disappeared

@NM-hx3cr

6 ай бұрын

@@pineapple7352 it’s pretty awful when siblings disappear when the going gets tough, but at least we know we were there for our parents and will have zero regrets knowing we were by their side.

I remember I was asked by my boss if I had any children. I went onto explain and she immediately stopped me and said , You don’t have to explain.” I thought about and she was right I didn’t have to explain. I am 51 years old/ and happy w out children

I decided I never want kids very early, and Im just at that place mentally where I struggle to take care of myself. And taking care of kids when I struggle with myself would be nothing else but selfish. Thank you for sharing this, Sophie.

@joannecortese7341

7 ай бұрын

I completely understand! Take good care of yourself!

Thank you for talking about this, i have never wanted kids before i got married at 27, i said that, we both agreed no kids but if it happened we would talk again, accidents happen. We never had kids but from day one people asked when are you having kids, now at 43 we are both happy without children, we have nieces and nephews, my mother on law lives with us, and it is easier we don't have kids. We have a very calm life comlared to my twin sister with a 9 year old and 3 year old. Society kept telling me i should have kids, i am much happier for not having them instead of having them and being a horrible mother. 🙃

Having a child is a big responsibility. I’ve seen how my friends suffered/still struggling with their Special Needs Children. It’s full of challenges & struggles 🥺

I can fully relate to this topic as a 38 yr old married man, I have been married to my wife for 8 years now, we’re like the male/female version of each other and are so happy and content, for years and years we’ve had the topic brought up at family gatherings, by my sister in law in particular who is a mum, I don’t think there has really been a time that we haven’t all been together and she’s never said “so when are you two having one”. Yes we probably would’ve made great parents, we’re both so very loving, hardly ever drink, don’t smoke, never touched drugs, never argue. But we just feel that they’re not for us, my wife has struggled to find full time employment in retail since the recession pretty much, and the amount of times the employers have asked if she wanted children in the interviews is disgusting! Kids/no kids, the choice is down to the individual. People need to stop being sheep, and almost forced by society/traditions. There is no right or wrong! 👍🏻

Even if you have a child, the nagging of others doesn't stop! My pregnancy almost cost me my life and it was clear to us that there would not be a second one. How often have I heard that it is a selfish choice to leave my child 'alone', that later he will have no one when we are gone, that I am denying my husband the chance to have a complete family and that I should not be surprised if he looks for another woman who can give him that. My husband is very clear that he would rather have me alive and healthy with him instead of a second child and yet all the interference made me almost want to try for a second pregnancy despite the dangers that would entail. Luckily my husband refused, but even now that my son is already fifteen, I am still regularly asked why he is an only child and that it is sad that he has to grow up by his own.And it still hurts me to hear and defend our choise😔

@douglasgriffiths3534

7 ай бұрын

I was an only child. I had lots and lots of friends growing up. I didn't have a lonely childhood at all. I was happy as an only child. My mom was the same---her pregnancy with me was difficult, and she almost died as well. My dad had a vasectomy when I was a year old. (Jan Griffiths).

@femmefataleartemis

7 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry that you even have to be regularly asked that question and reading that these people had the audacity to call you selfish made me so mad for you. People are so quick to talk without realizing what asinine things are coming out of their mouths. The most important thing is that YOU and your son are healthy. You are doing great mama!

@nekesa6429

6 ай бұрын

so sorry u had to go through that. nobody deserves to be talked down on like that

@elisaaguilar6423

3 ай бұрын

Why do you even allow people to talk to you like that? Women need to cut off all convos and check people. People know not to approach me w that bs bc I will go off.😠

Having children is a massive responsibility and life changing in every way imaginable. Most people who pressure others are doing so out of misery, they want everyone else to suffer 😂 I find it silly. Imagine reversing and asking them “why are you bringing children into this world when you’re unable to give them the best in life?” Wonder how they would react 🤣

@NikitaHunt

7 ай бұрын

That is a great question, because most of the people who give me strife for not wanting them cannot give theirs the best life.

@roseg1333

7 ай бұрын

I don’t think that’s entirely true. It maybe in some cases but generally I think people want to make sure you have thought it through. Because once the ship passes by it can’t be called back ie your fertility

@LA-dv4uu

7 ай бұрын

@@roseg1333 surely grown adult people are able to make that choice themselves without interference from others. Simply put it’s a disrespectful question to ask, adults know how to pop out babies and will do so if they wish. Not sure why it’s a difficult concept to grasp 😂

@cristinamerlini

7 ай бұрын

Oh trust me I have heard people saying that precisely “why are you bringing kids to this awful world?” (I heard it and a lot of my girl friends did as well, having them or not everyone always has to give their opinion without being requested). I’d prefer a lot of people to think twice before having kids not because of the world but because it is a responsibility for your entire life. I don’t regret having had my daughter ❤ but I never pressure nor ask anyone or any couple so when are you going to have kids. People need to have more empathy towards other people ❤️🙏🏼

@giannas1096

7 ай бұрын

What are you talking about? I have 3 children and I’m definitely not miserable about it.

Thank you for this video. My two daughters suffer through this all the time. People need to understand that this is a deeply personal decision and none of their business!

So well, said, Sophie. Anyone who raises a child or children can tell you that parenting is an all-consuming life choice. I wanted my son more than anything. But for eighteen years or so, until he was ready to leave the nest, my whole world and daily schedule was wrapped around my child's well-being. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. But it's intense. It's joyful, scary, and, at times, heartbreaking. Not to mention expensive! And, even after they are grown, on their own, and doing great, you still worry. They never stop being your child. If you have doubts about wanting to be a parent, don't do it. I absolutely support you Sophie, and your choice, with your husband, to not have children. You have your life just the way you want it and that's grand. It's no one's business but yours if you choose not to procreate. I hope your letter writer finds comfort in your words. And, I also agree 100% that seeking the support of a good therapist might be helpful to the letter writer in sorting out her thoughts and feelings.

I didn't want kids at all until 40 or so.. Then suddenly something clicked and I wanted a baby. Now I have a 3yr old whom I love more than anything in the world (although I'm also worried all the time and it is a lot of work).

Thank you for discussing this. I’m a 32 year old DINK living my best luxury life with my husband (married 5 yrs) & cat. We have just built our dream home just for us🏡🧘🏻‍♀️👸🏻💅🏻🐈‍⬛

I so agree with you, I feel the same. The good question to ask couples with kids would be why do you want to have kids ? and nobody is asking it...

@emmahunt9279

7 ай бұрын

Exactly, no one asks me why I had my son but everyone feels like they have the right to ask my sister why she doesn’t want children. It’s such a rude intrusive question. Also the “you’ll probably change your mind!” Is just as frustrating

Oh this is such a relatable experience! I met my OH at 22 (now 33) and what you’re saying about the social pressure is exactly our experience! It’s also a personal choice for us, we just don’t see children in our future but all the people asking don’t seem willing to entertain we can be happy and fulfilled without them xx

@maggiesmama7782

7 ай бұрын

You can & will be. I’m almost 70 now & my husband & I never regretted our decision. That said, the pressure in your 30’s is unbelievable.

Worrying if you will have kids that will take care of you in the future, I find that to be so selfish. Our children should not have the burden of caring for us. They have their own lives. I have a daughter myself and I would never give her that burden. I would feel so ashamed, I'd rather just go to a home for the elderly.

As a 35 year old, my husband and I are not having any kids. We too went through the pressure stage before choosing what was best for us. Every one of my friends who are moms are miserable. Yes they love their kids, but all they do is complain about how tired or stressed they are. If you’re on the fence about kids, you shouldn’t have them. That isn’t fair to the innocent life entering this world. If you know in your heart it’s not for you, don’t do it. It’s not an easy decision and it shouldn’t be influenced by others opinions.

@fran791

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for saying that about being on the fence. I also agree that it is something you should want strongly

@stephaniehart924

6 ай бұрын

Complaining about being tired and stressed does not mean you are miserable. I have a child and I am constantly on the go with him and I worry about him (or things to do with him) constantly. But I am the type of person who likes to stay busy and who overthinks everything. So if I wasn't tired and stressed because of him, I would be tired and stressed because of something else. I do agree though that kids aren't for everyone and you need to be 100% sure it is right for you.

Coming from a man who is married to a man we get this question all the time. We feel the pressure all the time which I never thought we’d ever get! We love our life, love our jobs, and love our freedoms. This topic is not discussed enough.

@seabreeze4559

7 ай бұрын

They also wanna push for PC reasons, which is THEIR problem and shouldn't be yours.

@meganw-w3725

6 ай бұрын

Same! Woman married to a woman here. We have decided children aren’t in our future but even if we wanted to, people don’t realise the money, time and commitment it would actually take to conceive.

Thanks for putting this so eloquently! I never wanted children but have three adult stepchildren who are now having families of their own. The expectation to be a maternal ‘grandmother’ is real when it just is not who I am. It’s a weird situation to be in and one I’m working through.

I feel the same way. I'm 28 and I don't want kids. It has made things a little difficult finding a partner, but I would rather be single, and wait to find someone who also doesn't want kids, The great thing is that I don't feel the pressure of my "biological clock" ticking, so I feel that I can take my time to settle down with the right person.

People were already nagging us weeks after our wedding about when we were having kids. Some of the rude comments we've gotten in response are just crazy. The worst one was "who is going to take care of you when you are old." I responded that if was the only reason to have kids, you're having them for the wrong reason! I've also seen countless cases of people who had kids who got NO HELP whatsoever. People need to mind their own business. I've never forgotten a friend who was dealing with infertility issues to the point it wrecked their marriage. If someone had said some of the things to her that were said to me, I can't even imagine how devastating and hurtful that would have been. I never felt maternal, I wanted to travel, I've seen friends and family members with kids who have regretted the choice of having kids. I have zero regrets about not having kids. My pets are my children.

@douglasgriffiths3534

7 ай бұрын

My pets are my kids too. I have 2 cat daughters, one cat son, and 2 dog sons. (Jan Griffiths).

@katie8325

6 ай бұрын

Pets are not children. I love my dog, but he’s not a child. Such a creepy thing to say.

@flohough1870

6 ай бұрын

@@katie8325 You do you honey. I find it creepy to make such a snooty comment to someone who just recently lost one of their "children". Or are you someone who just likes to be mean?

@flohough1870

6 ай бұрын

@@katie8325 obviously your mother never told you that if you don't have something nice to say, it's better to keep your mouth shut. So I'm saying it. Troll.

I’m 50 and decided at 26 that I didn’t wanted kids and have never regretted it or changed my mind. I never married either though so never received any pressure because I’ve almost always been fully single, but I’m sorry to hear that you felt pressured by others just because you were coupled, and people assume it’s the expected next step. It’s great to choose what’s best for you and drown out the noise when possible!

I hear you Sophie. This is my life! My mom gives me extra guilt trip because i am only child if my husband gone no one will be around to take care of me or help me. But i say they are no guarantees in life at all as to what happens in the future. I refuse to live my life by other people's expectations!

@queeniequeen949

5 ай бұрын

All of this.

Society puts so much pressure on women to have kids, like it's the most important thing a person can do. There are so many ways we find purpose in our lives. People are individuals and have unique goals and aspirations for themselves. I never saw myself having kids because I love my free time way too much!

Thank you dearest Sophie for this video. I’m currently in my mid 20’s and have been with my partner for 8 years now. We don’t want kids but we are experiencing the pressure of having them. I feel ‘heard’ and less alone in this decision even though there are many others who don’t want kids either, nonetheless I feel comforted watching this video. ❤

That's in your culture. The Anglo-Saxon culture. In my culture, we value our elders. We take care of them. We don't just put them aside in care homes and only see them during the holidays. 😢 It's enriching to have our elders around the younger generations so they can teach them thru their wisdom. My grandmas were far from us, but I grew up around my friend's grandma, and I can tell you I was fascinated by her stories. I learned to value time and I learned how life is so fragile. We then moved closer to my grandma on my mom's side, I saw how close she was to my other cousins who they were raised with her and even their kids. I was lucky to see at some point five generations together in my family. Unfortunately, my grandma passed away in 2013. She was the glue who held my family together as a matriarch. I know some families are not blessed to have kids naturally, but kids for us are a blessing from God. I am blessed to have one. He is not perfect but who is. Nothing is perfect in this life. Having kids is a very personal choice and I respect that. To each is own.

@yulmamartinez3896

6 ай бұрын

@@joannietrotter2344 😢

Thank you for this!!!! I'm 54 and have NEVER regretted not having kids. My siblings are great and we're here for each other.

I think this is an important message and topic to talk about. I felt the same pressure and it was horrid. Family and friends need to be silent as this decision up to the couple. Your family and friends will not raise the children you have. If you don't want children people need to respect that.

It’s so true. The prior owner of our house had six kids, and the neighbor told us that none of them were around to help him when he grew old.

You're a beautiful person Sophie.. Never change.. Be who you want to be ❤ my husband and I also don't want any children and we are happy even without them. We could never picture our life with children and that's just it. Pretty simple for us. I totally get you ❤

Thank you so much for making this video. I don’t think you can talk about this enough. Especially with reproductive rights becoming more limited recently in the United States. I have so much I could say on this topic, but I will try not to turn this into a novella. I have had the same experience as you described working in nursing homes. In addition, when I was a young teen, I saw my paternal grandmother be abandoned in a nursing home by her FOUR children. My fiancé and I also did not want kids and then he ended up getting killed in a car accident when we were in our late 20s so I also agree with you that people should do what makes them happy now and not worry too much about the future beyond the basic financial planning. This is already getting too long, but thank you Sophie thank you thank you for making this video. The more we normalize people especially women talking about their decision to not have kids, the better.

I feel you 100% when you say it ruined your 20’s !!! I made the same choice and i’m just fed up of answering to people who are just PRESSURING me and trying to make me change my mind, either friends, family or family friends. As you said this is a personal matter and people should just mind their own business like we respect their choices of having kids they should respect ours of not having. Not to mention those who just try to shove their kids down your throat with comments like “oh if you don’t like kids you will like mine” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Most people die alone. It’s such a taboo subject. I have lived in an area with mainly 70+ year olds and it’s quite eye opening. Part of my savings are for a carer to help me when I am old. Even if you have kids, it’s a big pressure on them to be the carer or even help with daily appointments and chores.

Sophie thank you so much for making this video. I remember as a young girl feeling like I didn’t want children and then feeling that same way through my twenties, I got married in my early thirties and my husband said he didn’t want children, I know we should have had a bigger discussion before taking that step. The pressure and comments from people was so much, or it felt like that to me. I feel I then began to feel like I did want children because my husband didn’t. I used to google celebrities that didn’t have children just to feel normal as all my friends and family have children. I’m only starting to realize now I think it was the fear of being lonely and the fear of missing out and also what would people think. It’s only when people talk about that you realise your not on your own. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. ❤

So much of this resonates with me Sophie. I love that people have started to talk more about not having kids. Like you, I never imagined my life with kids when I was younger and the older I get the more content I am with my decision. Cheers to being fabulous Aunts instead 🥂

It's not the KARMA for everyone . I'm 57 no living kids or husband but that's OK because I understand why it's not for me.

Sophie, thank you for this film. This is such an important subject! I'm struggling with this everyday. I'm 38 now and don't have kids, I don't even have a partner. (It's hard to find a responsible candidate for a husband and a father of your children btw.) I used to be in a relationship, I didn't want to start a family back then. Now I panic about biological clock, fear about the future, and I'm not entirely sure if it's me growing to be ready to be a mom or is it really pressure of the society and all the fears are forced into my head. We really need a serious and open minded discussion on this subject in our society. Greetings, Monika.

@ninanina4324

7 ай бұрын

How about freezing your eggs? Then you can have children at a later stage of your life if you still want to.

Does anyone ever feel that they just didn't want to be responsible for such a great job ? Being responsible for another child and ensuring that you don't bring your family negatives into their lives is a big decision.

Thank you Sophie. I am white British and my husband is Punjabi. I have never wanted children so I was thrilled when I fell in love with a man who was excited to plan a child-free life with me! His traditional Punjabi family however, don’t get it. I worry that they think I’m not a proper woman or something. Hubby and I are so happy in our choices and I don’t care what strangers think, but I do kinda care what his family think. I get on extremely well with them all though. But it’s a new concept for them though.

Thank you for talking about this. I’m 31 and have been bombarded with the same pressure. Sometimes it makes me cry why my “No” is never enough and it’s as if my life is not worth enough because I don’t have kids.

@susiem.2068

5 ай бұрын

You're enough Kat. Having children or not doesn't affect your worth. It's unrelated.

When you said your 20s were ruined and I’m in my 20s and feeling this way…meant a lot. Thank you for sharing Sophie!

Thank you for raising the issue of pressure from others to have children when you don't want children - my husband and I decided we didn't want children before we got married 44 yrs ago, neither of us are remotely interested - but I've got to 63yrs old and my mum still piles guilt on me by saying "oh I would've made a lovely grandmother" - I told her she had our dogs instead, just as good and better trained!

Thank you so much for talking about this ❤ I only wish more people would do it in such a positive and honest way like you did. As someone who has also been through immense pressure it is very comforting hearing your story and reading other people’s experiences in the comments. I am 40 years old and always thought I would want children with the right person. I met said person who always wanted to be a father only to later find out the he is infertile. The whole physical and psychological process was devastating and it nearly destroyed our relationship. To make matters worse I work with special needs children and my profissional competence would often be put into question by their parents due to the fact I am not a mother myself. As if there are two groups of women: mothers and the other ones. I have also gotten to the point of telling people that I am the one that cannot have children so that they would just stop asking about it. Turns out that the more I dealt with parent and child dynamics the less I started feeling like I wanted children at all. Fast forward a few years and my partner and I are finally in a happy place and devote all our time to ourselves 😊

Hi Sophie, this is probaly the most meaningful video that you have ever made that touched a cord with me. I'm in my 40's and in a very committed relationship. We do not want kids as well and since I was 24 my parents has always asked me for grandchildren. Friends as well do not understand my stand on it and we have a very similar reasoning of not wanting kids. I am not scared to end up alone because I always thought that we all die alone anyways, how hard that sounds but it is the truth. It always made me feel less than whenever family, friends even strangers asking 'why I don't have kids' ! Thank you so much for this Sophie!!!!

Not to be overly religious but when the Bible says He will give you the desires of your heart, if having kids is not in your future, he will not put it in your heart to do so...that should give you comfort and reassurance.

I love that you made this video ❤ I feel like a lot of us didn't realise it was a choice we could make, and it was just part of life and a natural next step to have kids. As we grow older and see people talking more openly about it, realising it's not a must at all. I still feel a lot of people pushing it and asking, "when are you guys having kids!?" and if it's their purpose in life - GREAT. But that's like saying everyone has to have the favourite color pink because it's universally a "girl color" or everyone likes doing the same job professionally.

More power to you! I’m judged by a lot of people for being pregnant in my 40s. It’s personal either way❤

Your advice is spot on, Sophie. I have seen quite a number of older people who had children and they either moved back home to sponge off their parents or stuck them in a place and left. It's no guarantee.

Thank you for being so candid. I loved hearing your perspective. I hope it helps others struggling with this decision too

I’m 35 and I have always known I didn’t want children. Thank you ❤

@karins2717

6 ай бұрын

same here, I knew this even as a kid.

Thank you so much for making this video. I'm in a secure long term relationship and I felt the pressure start (from outside of us) a few years ago. I've never pictured myself with children, but suddenly I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me, or if I did want them but was just scared. I had some therapy sessions to try and find out if there was some deep trauma that had made me not want them. The sessions didn't unearth any deep dark secrets. Maybe one day I will wake up and suddenly want children (I feel this is unlikely), but all I can know for sure is that I definitely don't want children right now, and when I focus on that I feel more peaceful.

You’re spitting straight facts!! My husband and I don’t want children either and I think people now are finally realizing that we truly enjoy just being the Aunt and Uncle. So no one asks anymore.

As a mum to a 10 month old, I 100% support anyone's decision regardless. They need soooo much love, time and interraction and if you don't want or are able to give it to them the results are desatruous. I see it all around me, what happens to little kids who are just...there, mindlessly orbiting the parents. So yeah, do it right or not at all, whatever works for you! I would give everything for my daughter and I want another one in the future, but it is not for everyone

I am a 43yo with 2 kids. But that's me. I have never once asked another person when they gonna get married or when they are gonna have kids. I do get asked during festive seasons when i was single, and when i was married and without kids, I.e. Asian background. I've always said, "Why ? Are u going to introduce me to someone, or are u going to raise my kids and walk away. I am not bothered by other people's opinions. Totally agreed with you. Everyone should get to decide what we want in life. Be it single, married not married. Life is too short. God bless.

No one should have kids if they don’t want to. Asking is incredibly rude. As you pointed out many people struggle with infertility and the process of trying and not succeeding is brutal. There are no guarantees that your kids will like you and be around in the future. Lovely video. Thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️

The pressure is real! As is the judgement and rudeness. I think this is great topic and I wish there had been a more open and wider conversation that I could have tapped into when I was growing up and especially in my 30's. Thank you for sharing your point of view Sophie it is such an important issue. 💓

I appreciate you tackling this topic! I don't know you in real life, but I feel a lot of respect for you. I appreciate it whenever you share your life lessons and experiences.

Child free by choice here. I never understood why people press about this. I don’t go around asking people why they chose to have kids

That was wonderful. Many people have children and unfortunately feel so overwhelmed, some feel they should have waited longer, others have some regrets. When you have such a large decision to make, some need to go to therapy as you said. It’s a life long responsibility.

"You'll change your mind when you get older." Well, I'm older (47) and haven't been so sure of something in all my life. My husband doesn't have any children either and we're both super ok with being child-free. (We've both been married prior.)

This is such an important video and I know it will give a lot of people peace of mind after watching it! Especially as a parent I know how hard it is and I really appreciate other people for really thinking about it and making wise decisions for their lives. Having children is a lot and nothing is garantueed.

Thank you for sharing these thoughts 🙏 It is so calming to see that there are other like minded people ❤

I feel exactly the same. Like I was born without the mum gene. It’s never something I’ve wanted. And I had exactly the same ‘I don’t want kids’ conversation with my husband on our first date! Thank you for talking about this x

Sophie, you're the best. Love this message. You're such a kind and special spirit. Thank you so much for bringing this up and having a conversation about it.

My handbags are my children, they just don’t talk! 😂

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this video. ❤

Thank you very much for adressing this topic!! It is so important to hear opinion like this as probably everyone Puts so much pressure onthose not wanting to have Kids. Thank you thank you thank you

I think some people like to move our finish line for their personal negative feelings towards you and I think this can be done in many ways. Another example is they’ve got kids and don’t want you to have any. As I’ve grown to find out that I’m the family scapegoat , people are very manipulative and sometimes you’ll never know exactly where they’re coming from. And I’m sure there are genuine people out there but this hasn’t been my experience at all. I used to want kids but I no longer want them. Happy with my decision and I’ll always make decisions that are for me without the noises of others because this is my journey , not theirs to alter. Happy Holidays 🫠.

I admire your resolve. It’s not fair to anyone to have children out of pressure. There is no undertaking more consequential.

🎉 only child here. I loved being an only child and I too am living the life I always thought I would. I never played “house” and didn’t play much either dolls. I played “office”. And that’s what I do.. a desk job. No kids. And never looking back! Whoop wooop!

Thank you for being so open and honest! This is such an important topic to discuss. I’ve been conflicted a long time about having children until I’ve met someone who I could actually envision myself having them with and I know will take care of me and be an equal partner. And if it doesn’t happen we are both fine with that too. And people absolutely shouldn’t ask! It isn’t any of their business and is a personal decision between you and your partner.

This was a wonderful video! I struggled for so long with the feeling of not being ready for having kids. Now I'm ready at 36 yo. I've tried since April to get pregnant but it's hard. I've done three rounds of fertility meds and there's nothing I wish more than to get pregnant. I can describe my mental state now that the fear of not getting kids is greater than the fear of responsibility.

@Hyliea

6 ай бұрын

Not a dr or anything but I had a chemical pregnancy and was upset and wanted to get pregnant again asap. So I tried mucinex and raspberry leaf and it worked immediately. Good luck and hope u get pregnant!

I love this video, because it’s such an important topic! Thank you for opening up this discussion, as well as, sharing the views of you and David. I’m just like you am thankfully very secure in my life vision, but even being single get these suggestions of starting a family. I’ve never even seen myself getting legally married, let alone having kids of my own. Auntie for life! Hope this girl gets confidence in her decision and moves forward in faith, whichever direction she chooses. ❤

I needed this video!!!! I’m about to turn 36 next year and I had this decision going on in my head. In the end, my choice was that I would try to have kids because there are things about motherhood that I do want to experience. However it made me feel so good listening to you and feeling understood by someone else on many levels. Than you so much!!!

Sophie, thank you so much for speaking about this topic. As a couple of people already mentioned, this conversation needs to be normalized. Not everyone will follow the same path, and everyone has their own reasons for their decisions - what matters is that it is their own choice. But seriously, how can I relate to you so much?? From the bunnies, to the Ford Fiesta, to the love of luxury, and even working some time in a care home, I just have had a lot in common with you! Thank you for being on YT and literally being so relatable 😊 always look forward to your videos!

I applaud all people who don’t want to have children and don’t have it cos they don’t want to. It’s a HUGE commitment and no one (however much they want to have kids) is ever prepared for it. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being selfish. It’s those who don’t want to have children but do anyway that are selfish. A child is a human being, not a toy but so many treat them like they are. They don’t take parenting seriously. So it’s really one of those things you should do only because you want to. Don’t give in to pressure cos after you’ve had one, they’ll start asking about the next etc. etc. Most of all, it’s important to note that not all of us have to have the same path in life. Joy can be found in so many ways. ❤

Thank you for having this conversation. As a single female who is in her 30s, I often wonder if getting married and having kids is something that I need to do just because of my biological clock. It is okay to not have children and still be completely fulfilled in your life. I needed to hear that as I navigate through my life watching the people around me start to build a family.

Hi Sophie , Thanx so much for this… My situation was much like yours. I will spare you the long story, but… I’m 47 years old now and haven’t regretted it for a second! Being (far) over 40 was very liberating,because at some point (finally) people stopped asking…. It is NOT selfish! There’s no shortage of people in this world. Think about that…

I’m 33 I have 2 children no one should feel pressured to have children you should have children if you want too I can’t imagine trying to be a parent without your full heart in it.

My husband and I also decided not to have kids - thank you fort his video. Normalising making choices and decisions. There are enough people out there who want them (and too many who have them that shouldn’t!).

Thank you, you're refreshing!

Great video! I love that both you and Victoria McGrath talk about it so openly! I think that people obsessing over someone else's fertility should focus on their own lives and becoming happier 🤗🤗

Great video! I always think why people are always asking for the reason we don't want to have kids... But nobody asks the people who want kids, why they want to have them? I think that is a great question that nobody asks...