I cannot and will not forgive anyone who has purposely caused me pain When I have told them what behavior has/is hurting me and they continue to do it. In my mind they are dead. They just no longer exist in my world. I don't know any other way to protect myself.

I have an extremely toxic older sister. I have finally washed my hands of her and closed the door. I won’t forgive her but I will forgive myself for falling into her traps over and over. I’ve prayed on this and it’s best for me to move on.

@rosalynnchow5057

Ай бұрын

You are really wise. I did have a toxic greedy unscrupulous money-grabbing younger sister. I have not spoken to her in more than 20 years. What is there to forgive? What's done is done. Bad things happen, we moan and groan about it and then, we must let go. Just forget her existence.

Great video - thanks. Maya Angelou - a very wise woman - said:" You will forget someone's name, you'll forget their face, you'll forget much about them, but you will never forget how they made you feel."

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

And that is so true! Thanks radiojet!

I find forgiving is fairly easy, (if you keep trying, at least) but forgetting is impossible. 🎉

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

That tends to be true Nan! Thanks!

I forgive anyone who sincerely asks for it.

At some point what happened with a person just doesn’t matter anymore…

I don't believe I have to forgive people who hurt me and never asked for forgiveness. I simply let go of the expectation that people owe me anything. People can only be themselves and it's not right to expect them to be someone different. They are who they are and I have the right to stay away from those with no empathy. Forgiveness? Not important.

@margaretjohnson6259

Ай бұрын

i, too, have never asked for forgiveness. i make my apology or atonement and move on.

@luluandmeow

20 күн бұрын

@@margaretjohnson6259 Maybe you should try to make it if the people you hurt are still living, you could simply write a letter, it might mean so much to them. It doesn't mean you have to meet them. What would also be meaningful would be to add something to your letter, a thoughtful gift, some money. Because words can come across as quite insincere and meaningless without something concrete to back them up. If you give something valuable or that's important to you to the people you hurt, it will make your atonement/apology more sincere and impactful, otherwise they might think your apology is done to benefit yourself and give you, not them, peace of mind. Do it now before it's too late.

@margaretjohnson6259

19 күн бұрын

@@luluandmeow thank you for the advice. i have apologized to those i harmed. i didn't wait on that.

I may not forgive, certainly won't forget. But at 61, I can absolutely let go. It's time to focus on myself instead of others. I am content with my life and that is an absolute win for me.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

❤

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Al final los que te dañaron no ganaron. ❤

Bitterness is like a poison you intend for another that you drink yourself.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Absolutely visage! Thanks!

It’s also hard to forgive when the other person won’t and can’t admit their wrongs, give a sincere apology and change. Thats what makes it really tough for me

Forgiveness is nebulously defined and defined differently by different people. Because most people find it impossible to achieve completely, some people now say that forgiving is not a total acceptance or a complete process. Why don’t we just call it something other than forgiving like “letting go “ to the degree that you don’t forgive, but you don’t have time in your life to be preoccupied with it anymore. That’s a lot easier and simpler to embrace.

@GGLINSKY

9 күн бұрын

Well said! This is exactly the way I feel about it.

Hi EG! As I get older, I find it easier to forgive & let go of grudges, bitterness, unmet expectations, disappointments & resentments. ❤

@eldergal

4 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing that Marie! Wish most people were able to do the same!!😊💜🌟

I think forgiving people who have the capacity to understand what they've done and are willing to honestly change their behaviour, but serial offenders ask to be forgiven easily and repeatedly, never learning their lesson. It's more important to forgive yourself for not dealing with the offender from the onset and move on and beyond.

My sister was eight years older than me, and she had jealousy over me. In her defence, my mom did treat me with preference when I was little...

Sometimes I think you really dont have to forgive.Some things are too tramatic.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Remember that forgiveness helps you; it's not really for the other person. Take care!

@sue9252

2 ай бұрын

I found that forgiveness did help me. I’m glad I did but I also don’t stay in situations with family members that trigger trauma from the past. I take time away for as long as I need. ❤️🙏🏻🦋

I don't wanna feel it. Because should I start again feeling it, I will disappear.

I'm happy to have stumbled on to your channel. I am 10 years older than you and around 70 "orphan" did kind of fit my circumstances. I do have 2 siblings--a brother 7 years younger and a sister 7 years older who I do believe has a mental illness--maybe a borderline personality disorder. I relate to so much of what you talk about and appreciate your simple straightforward way of explaining things--wisdom comes to mind. I do have a church family and also am involved in Al-non. Both are important to me and help me to keep relationships going to remain emotionally balanced. Helping much younger women in the Alanon program gives me a real sense of purpose and accomplishment--making lemonade out of the lemons in my life. Like you, I really am a loner. I Enjoy living alone and being able to mingle with others but go home to my comfortable solitude. I am very frugal by nature and by necessity and my biggest problem is finding responsible and reliable handymen, however, I cut my own grass and do as much of the work in my yard as I can. A dog is a wonderful motivation to walk as well. I will catch you later, I'm sure!

I know that there have been people in my life that were toxic. They're not always angry or argumentative but they stir up trouble wherever they go. I've found that forgiving them is good for my heart but keeping distance and no contact is also good for my sanity. I forgive them and I hope that they can find their path but I do hope that our paths never cross in the future. I hope they have a great life and many blessings.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Great perspective wildwill! Thanks for sharing this!

I don’t deliberately forget, but I'm forgetful. It works most of the time. ❤

I’ve had dozens and dozens of hurts throughout my life. I’ve been able to forgive almost all, except the ex and his mother. The two of them implemented parental alienation on my children. As a result of that, I have lost my youngest daughter, to them. I have estranged from my only sibling but did that with eyes wide open and a sense of peace. The relationship the speaker shares about her sibling, is parallel to mine. I’ve been able to forgive her since I no longer have her in my life. I gave myself a gift by ending that (dysfunctional) relationship. We can always be grateful that we are *not them = those who chose to hurt others. 🌹

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Ponte tú en primer lugar y sé feliz que la vida es corta. ❤

You can forgive someone but you will never forget it. Hurtful words for instance are like placing a feather in front of someone’s door and when you come back later to retrieve it, it is no longer there! Just like words, once they are spoken it’s to late to take them back and our tongue is only a small member of our body but a very powerful one which can bring happiness to someone or a lot of pain and mental suffering.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

This is so true. Words can wound so deeply and add such pain. Sometimes the only way to live a better life is to have nothing to do with them if possible.

i forgive slips, oopsies, misunderstandings, but never malicious behaviour. if they have never apologized i have no reason to forgive because they are not sorry for hurting me. i let it go, but i don't forgive.

I’ve always easily forgiven people. It doesn’t mean I want to be in their life anymore but holding grudges, not my thing. I would however prefer to be alone than with people who have done things in our relationship that require forgiveness.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this Lisa - forgiveness is about taking care of yourself in the long run!

@lisasmith7066

2 ай бұрын

@@eldergal 🙏

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Que no perdone a quien no se arrepiente no significa que guarde rencor o viva amargada. Significa que me valoro y me quiero. 😊

I stopped forgiving people. I don't believe in religious stuff. People caused me harm and they did nothing to make amends.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Sorry for all you have gone through.💜

@nan3271

2 ай бұрын

Trouble with that is you are hurting yourself whilst 'punishing' them.

@joankirkland6255

Ай бұрын

⁠@@nan3271So what do you do when you have been abused and talked down to from people you thought cared about to.And how do forgive being raped.Trauma in your life from many people,Family and others.So what do you suggest. To forgive people who have done all of these things.You think you know it all.

@nan3271

Ай бұрын

​@@joankirkland6255 I can't help it. 🙏

@Contessa998

Ай бұрын

Same I’m not forgiving, just no contact

There are many things I've not been able to forgive my mother for. There was an opportunity two years ago when I broke down, bore my soul and told her all that she did as I was growing up that led us to this strained relationship we have always had. She listened and I thought we would make progress. However, two weeks later, I find that she had divulged the entire conversation to a VERY mentally ill and toxic relative, who told her none of what I said actually happened and again as it's always been said....I am actually the problem, not her. My mother claims to not remember any of the abuse over the course of those 18 years and now claims I made it up. How do you forgive that.

@gofigure4920

2 ай бұрын

So I am in a similar situation with my oldest daughter. My daughter at 9 years old told me she decided not to listen to my advice but that she needed to learn of her own mistakes. I grieved knowing her life was going to be pumpy. My husband told me when she was small to leave it upto him to raise her husband way. Well, there was a reason for that. It was to use her against me for the future. What is sad is she blames me for her actions. Her father would agree lies about me dividing us in subtle ways. He would let her go out at nights till she would come home morning hours. I warned her so many times to not sneak out the window. Now at her 30s she is being tormented mentally, spiritually. She was given a vision of Hell while she was in classroom in HS years ago. I told him the damage he did to her and my relationship is ruined because of his unwise decisions. She blames me the most crasiets things that I didn't allow her to put makeup on me. She diagnosed herself with OCD. I feel her targeting me might be part of this disorder. She is seeking spiritual help.. I brought 2 of my girls in Church. My other daughter is what I hoped for as a mother to have in both. But at least I can enjoy the fruits of my labor. I was so attached to my mother till she died. She was my best friend. Not a perfect relationship but I respected & loved her and her imperfections.

@ReSearcherSusie

2 ай бұрын

You forgive what you can and let it go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, or allowing that person into your life. Forgiveness for me doesn’t have expectations - I don’t expect the other person to change or to accept my forgiveness. Most times I don’t even tell the person. I forgive, I make adjustments to do my best to keep myself safe & happy, and I move on. Sometimes I have to forgive that person every day because I can’t seem to let it go easily. But every day I try.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

I believe that is best for me to do. It's mostly about how to live a calm, no drama life. I work on myself not with expectations of changing the other person. ​@@ReSearcherSusie

I forgive those who have hurt me in the past as much as I can, because I think they're the losers, they lost me, and I could, would have been a kind companion and carer to them in their old age. One of them died young so I'm at peace with them, the other is still alive but I've been totally estranged from them and there is no chance of any reconnection because I know they're not sorry or accepting responsibility. I have silently forgiven them and even pity them. But it's impossible for me to forgive someone who is currently trying to destroy me, and I don't say this lightly. The only consolation is to know that they're the one with the problem, they never look happy. Good! They don't deserve to be happy, while I have become happier and more positive, not because my life is better, on the contrary, they try to make it worse every day, and have the power to do so. But I have the power to hold my head high, be kind to myself, eat well an stay slim and healthy, get dressed every day and look the best I can. I am always cheerful, grateful for the little things, I have a serene expression on my face (fake it till you feel it!), have a good posture, walk tall, and I sing (badly!) The person who is abusing me can't stand to hear me sing, so I keep singing while they look endlessly miserable, angry and negative. Once again, I view my abuser as a pathetic loser who threw away the chance of having a pleasant, friendly relationship with me and is lonely and friendless. What a sad, jealous loser.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

I'm so happy for you that you have a good life inspite of how you have been treated. You have strength and that is very wonderful ❤

About your son, with utmost sincerity, I do hope you let go. Once you let go of waiting and hoping, it's like forgiving yourself and moving on. You have given birth to him, he ought to be grateful inspite of the past. In our Chinese culture, short of murder or something really terrible, we are brought up to respect parents and to practise filial piety.

Wow this is so relevant! Forgiving my Mom happened as she aged and after she passed. It helps the forgiver , the behavior was not accepted.

@eldergal

13 күн бұрын

Absolutely Kathleen! Thanks for your comment!

You are so right, the forgiveness is for you. I had to forgive my ex husband (not to his face) because the hatred I felt for him was making me physically ill. I just decided that's the way he is, he won't change and at least I rarely have to see him any more. Felt so much better. Harder if you still want a relationship with that person. Depends what they've done

@eldergal

Күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing that Florence!

I don’t forgive, I just recatagorize people, keeping the good ones close and the others at arms length.

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Nos volvemos más selectivos e inteligentes emocionalmente. Lo del perdón son mandamientos inculcados por la religión y nada favorecedor para la victima que lo que necesita es autoestima.

As a believer of Jesus Christ I was still struggling with unforgiveness. Jesus says to forgive or you will not be forgiven. But alot of Churches mix Law with Grace which cancels your faith/Grace in Him. Jesus left the Holy Spirit to guide & teach us to ALL truth. So I now understand even if I die not forgiving someone I will NOT be put under judgment of loosing my salvation. That left me to the freedom that I am truly loved by God and eternally secure by Him. Not adding by my good deeds or works but by Him being sufficient. He paid the price in full to purchase each believer. There is wonderful spectacular new world ahead! Where we NO longer grief, hunger, thirst, pain, sickness nor feel unloved. To experience such unending joy, peace comfort in the next life! This the JOY we must hold unto till the day we leave this earth! This world is passing away and His return is so so near! 🎉

@janet8982

Ай бұрын

WOW. This is so well said. I have struggled as a Christian for a long time with forgiveness and salvation. My husband walked away from me and 2 very young sons for another woman. He married her and then later she dumped him. He has always been around for his sons in a limited way but didn’t pay alimony until required to by law. He has never said he was sorry to me or his sons. I have to see him at all family events. I have to forgive him but can’t forget because it’s ongoing. Your faith explanation helped me so much! Thank you!!

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Afortunadamente para mí no me interesan las religiones, no tengo ningún mandamiento más que mi libre albedrío y mi conección con el Universo. Muchas veces veo como la gente se pone cadenas a si mismos... Cuando alguien me hace daño me aparto y deja de existir, y yo sigo con mi viva y energía tan feliz 😊

that is the last thing I do if ever. It is never the 1st thing. Processing what happened is 1st.

Hardest thing I ever did in my life. It eats you up inside and it did me. My faith is strong, and believe me God had to get ahold of my heart. Was it easy or overnight...no. But I did and I grew fromt the lesson. Wouldn't want to go thru it again, but learned a great lesson inside.

Your sister acts like she's superior to you. Did she play the big sister role when you were growing up? It sounds like she might still be trying to maintain that dynamic. Personally, I've always found it easy to forgive people. Now, at 66, I prefer a quiet life, spending less time with others and focusing on what I love-being creative through photography and writing. I also travel a few days a month in my camper van around my home state of Florida. I find your talks very interesting. You have a lot to give to others. A gem on KZread!

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks cinnamon-girl!

Great video as always ❤ thank you Allison!!!

@eldergal

4 ай бұрын

Thanks as always for watching Danila!!😊💜⭐️

I think the word "forgiveness" needs to be defined in this discussion. I like Dr. Joan Rosenberg's idea, that forgiveness is coming to an acceptance that that what you wanted to happen (love, understanding, etc.) didn't happen, and that what you didn't want (abuse, etc.) to happen did. That you cannot go back and change the past. But I have failed to come to acceptance of many things that happened to me because of my abusive family. And that's o.k.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

Yes.

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Por supuesto que está bien no aceptar abusos ni toxicidad. El amor propio nos salva de caer en sus redes.

Thank you ❤The issues and hurt with family rings through.I have had to deal with similar things in my 63 years but forgiveness is the right thing to do .Even though it may take a long time to do so it is the best thing we can do for ourselves.Bless you Allison ❤

@eldergal

4 ай бұрын

Thanks so much for your supportive words Dorothy!! Bless you too!!😊💜🌟

Thank you for this very helpful conversation, this is going to help me to do the necessary work to forgive myself and some family members

Jealousy can become a psychological nightmare for both sides of any relationship. I've heard that each child responds differently to a sibling with needs that require extra attention from the parents, such as illness and/or disability. Some siblings respond with compassion, care, and support. Others' respond with jealousy and lifelong resentment for what the other sibling got and they didn't, as if jealous that they didn't get their very own special attention-getting disease and can't forgive that, as if the sickly child should have just died and gotten out of their way. If there's anyone out there who would like my disease, it's all yours, along with all the attention and insane jealousy. I don't think it's possible to have a relationship with toxically jealous people. They will find anything and everything to be jealous of, whether it's an asset such as strength and attractiveness or a non-asset such as disease. While I have compassion for the inner child of my siblings who were and may still be mad at me for being a crippled sickly child, how could I have chosen or caused that and it's long term effects and challenges? Kids will be kids, I know, but I'm not looking for anymore of their insane punishment and bullying for something that was not my fault and I keep working on my own to overcome. I've put myself in their shoes to try to look at it from their perspective, but there's a time to move on, as you say, Allison, keep moving forward. Gratitude for now being able to do just that. In a way, I did get something great out of having to deal with all that. Appreciation for really simple things in life, and life itself.

@eldergal

4 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing this Diane! I share many of your feelings about it. As you say, move forward and practice gratitude!

You come very close to the answer from minute 18:08 to 18:18. If someone wrongs you, it's very easy to forgive them if what they did was a mistake that was out of their character, and they admit it, own it, understand why what they did was wrong, they feel remorse and you see that from that point forward that they never act in that way a gain, then it's a simple case of "they made a mistake." Very easy to forgive. On the other hand, if what they did wrong to you was not a mistake, but part of their character and they believe that what they did to you was right - then you forget about that person. You can forgive them if you want, but to me, it's no longer about forgiveness. You just move on. There are plenty of other people of good moral character who deserve your time and your thoughts. Regarding your son, if you ever get a chance to speak to him, I know how he could forgive you. If you own your mistake completely, without even an ounce of putting anything on him. Nothing about "it's a bit of both of you." And "part of it is he's very stubborn." Those words say you're not owning it 100%. Going 50/50 with someone who feels wronged never ends in forgiveness. And if you own it 100% on yourself, and he still won't forgive you? Then he's a flawed and broken person who cannot be fixed. In which case you have to resort to your advice of "just live your life." But if he's not broken and he's of sound mind, I guarantee he'll forgive you and want to know you - IF and only IF you own it 100%. Not even 99%. Only 100%. That will then separate "you" from "your mistake." He needs to know that "you" and "your mistake" have no overlap with one another. That "you" are a good person who made a mistake. Not that you are a person who's seeking forgiveness, but believes he's even 1% partial blame. Because that means it wasn't a full mistake, but a part of your character, even 1% part of your character prevents forgiveness. Own it 100% and the mistake floats away into oblivion. Own it 99% and the mistake is still a part of who you truly are.

You have hit the nail on the head. I am struggling with this issue. I am very glad I came across your channel.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Thanks Roselyn! So glad you found the channel too!!😊💜🌟

I think u nailed it! Forgiveness is not acceptance. AND the behavior is totally unacceptable as u so succinctly said. If u ever find the teaching of Corrie Ten Boom she has incredible things to say about it. Corrie’s sister died in Ravensbruck and one of the guards who mistreated her sister something awful asked her forgiveness years later. In the end she did forgive him but that did not mean she approved his behavior. Forgiveness is a choice! Great video! Thank u for discussing discussing real issues.❤❤❤❤❤

@Dezertroze43

2 ай бұрын

@@GoodGodisGreat You are free not to believe it.🌻🌻🌻

you are so eloquent....you would be an excellent therapist...

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks so much Janet!

I went through the something when my mother passed away. I have two sisters and both along with my mother setup my mothers will. In the will I was left off. Both of my sisters received everything. Before all of this I was able to tell my mother one day that I forgive her and I hope you forgive me. That was the best thing I did. As far as my sisters one of them calls the other does not. But Im ok with that. I am away from them and I feel good about it. I would rather keep away.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

I understand GreenIvy! I got nothing when my mom passed. Nothing creates more rifts in families than inheritance issues. Thanks for sharing!

I find it easier to forgive family than people outside of my family. I like the last point that one can't forgive until one is ready.

Hi, Allison. Your personal experiences and advice are always helpful. Forgiveness is one of the harder disciplines to master for some people. No doubt about that. Very kind of you to help others find their way. Kindness seems to be your basic nature. You should add that to your list of super powers. Take care, Allison.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks so much John! Appreciate your kind words as always. Hope you can make the livestream!

@John-rw2zf

Ай бұрын

​@@eldergalYou are welcome.

We must forgive…it’s for us Not them ❤🙏📖❤️

It's very true, forgiveness towards others is healing to Ourselves. However, it is difficult, especially when the abuse(s) were the WORST kinds of abuses imaginable. Forgiveness is like peeling an onion, there is layer, after later, after layer. I think, looking back in retrospect on the healing I've done around forgiveness, it started with just a willingness to Want to forgive. I just kept telling myself, & also praying, please give me the strength to be open to forgive. And for a while, that's all I could manage. And eventually things shifted...but like you mentioned, it's a process. When a sponsor of mine from "A. C. O. A." said to me, "holding on to resentment is like drinking poison, but expecting the other person to die", it stopped me in my tracks. You mentioned that too in one of your other videos on the topic. And when I started to realize that learning forgiveness was FOR me, and Not them, that's when things started to really shift for me, and the process of forgiving started to become easier for me. I also feel that besides cognitively trying to forgive, it's also important to do somatic healing, because our bodies hold onto the pain, & stores it in our cells, our tissues, & our organs. Sound frequency, also known as Quantum Energy healing IS the healing of the future, some of you may know of Raymond Rife, that's what this technology is based on, that's how far this goes back, but this technology was suppressed by "the powers that be". Anyway, there are channels here on KZread that have these sound frequency videos, Sapien Medicine, Quadible Integrity, & Love Motives are a few that I follow, and that have helped me a Lot! Tuning fork sessions are also very healing as well. Eileen Mc Cusak is the pioneer of "Tuning The Biofield", she also has a KZread channel, and her website offers (for purchase) pre-recorded tuning fork sessions on MANY different topics. It's reasonably priced, and there are some totally FREE onte's to try out as well. And what's especially great, is that once you purchase any sessions, you have them for Life! All you have to do is open a Free account, & once you purchase them, they go right in there. You just log into your account on the website Any time you want to access them. You can also make appointments with tuning fork practioners, and have a customized private session, via online, or in person as well. I've yet to do that, but I'm hoping to! And lastly, there are now just recently, Quantum Healing Centers known as "EES" Energy Enhancement Systems (Center's) now opened all over the United States, and the World! The Testimonials are beyond Incredible! You can go on the website of the same name to watch videos about it, and to also find centers closest to where you live.

@eldergal

4 ай бұрын

Thanks so much for sharing these resources Cheryl! It does all start with the willingness to forgive. Sound therapy can be very powerful!!😊💜🌟

I forgave my mom for her actions, she was hurting and couldnt do better. I am struggling to forgive my sister, because everytime I do, (and then let her back in my life) she says she forgives me ( I was a baby?) and then does more damage as revenge. Forgave twice, no more...

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

I can understand ZillasCoop! Similar issue with my sister. Thanks for sharing.

More great wisdom.....thank you!

@eldergal

4 ай бұрын

Thank so much Karen!!😊💜🌟

You said it all when you mentioned you'd forgive your sister IF SHE CALLED YOU AND MAYBE SAID SHE'S SORRY. It seems i forgive my sister and then i hear or remember more hurts. I also have the issue of last-minute will changung.

You are wonderfully wise, Allison

You have a right to see the will. I would demand to see the will, and get an attorney to help you if she refuses. She is violating the law.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

I suspect they set up a trust when my mother was still alive, so there is no will. That is my best guess. Thanks Kris!

@krisb7465

Ай бұрын

​@@eldergalYou have a right to see the trust. What isn't in the trust is subject to the will. If no will and its not in the trust, laws of succession apply.

Lots of work needed on this issue Lol

Forgiveness is overrated; it all depends on the crime or the damage the other person has done to you. It's too simplistic to say you forgive just by uttering a few words, the other person's burden is shifted to you, the victim.

@dorothyjohnson6743

10 күн бұрын

Yes, that's exactly what happened to me with a family member. It sounds self-serving but it is not, I did not deserve to have been lied and spoken to the way I was spoken to and yelled at too many times. I put a stop to it for my own sake. Some people are so full of hatred there is no reasoning with them.

It’s the wrong people who do gray rock!

I believe the Will has to be filed even if the estate doesn’t go through probate. You could probably find it. Also you have a legal right to see it as an interested party. For your own peace of mind I would try to get a copy and find out what happened. It would probably set your mind at rest.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

I suspect they set up a trust before she died, so not a will. Thanks for your comment though!

You wanted her to change as a sign of love. Maybe too much expectations. Take her as she is and keep it superficial.

I think that my mother should ASK for my forgiveness before I give it. She's 97 and has never said I'M SORRY in her life! Are we running out of time??!!

@great-garden-watch

2 ай бұрын

If she is anything like mine she will never be sorry.

@markbrooks7157

Ай бұрын

I had a bad relationship with my father. He was physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive. I was beaten a lot, told I should have died at birth, constantly told I was garbage and a lousy person. As a result I’ve been unable to have any success or romantic relationships in my life. In my 40s I confronted him with his past behaviour. He denied ever having laid a hand on me, told me that I made everything up. And then said “don’t ever forget, you were in a mental institution “. Total gaslighting. On his deathbed I held his hand and told him that in spite of everything over the years that I still loved him. He looked at me and said “I haven’t enjoyed a single day of my life since I married your mother”. And then he died. Sometimes I feel like I have forgiven him, but the damage he caused me will never go away.

@user-kq3hj1xn9d

Ай бұрын

Er war doch ein böser Vater, warum solltest du ihm verzeihen ? Hat er dich um Verzeihung gebeten ? Nein. Es war ihm egal, was er dir angetan hat, denn er liebte dich nicht. Du hast ihm trotz allem deine Liebe gestanden, in der kindlichen Hoffnung, sein Herz für dich zu erwärmen. Er ist gestorben, und wird gerichtet werden. So muss es sein, und so wird es sein.

@treasurechest2951

7 күн бұрын

@@markbrooks7157 mark… there’s no milk at the hardware store. Wake up buddy. I say this in hopes you get your power back and not with your cold sperm donor.

You can’t live life if you have not forgiven as it is toxic within your body. I feel very sorry for anyone who does not believe in God and strive for their salvation. Do you think this is all it is one measly life on earth my goodness, time spent here does not even equate to the size of a grain of sand when compared to eternity. I suggest all your answers are within God I would seek him. Prayer is the most powerful weapon we have. I’ve gone back to my religion at the age of 61 years old and it’s the best thing I’ve done.. I’m learning so much I feel like a little kid and eating wonderful people and most of all learning more and more each day of the glory of God and his endless mercy….. just wow!!

Forgivness is about letting go of bitterness, resentment and pain and other emotions that estrangement causes. Its for the health of our heart, body and mind and mainly protection of our soul. The Holy Bible tells us that we must forgive others and even pray for them to be blessed. Holding on to unforgiveness only destroys your life and soull. Im working on my life with Christ and and preparing for his coming , that is what I live for now. God Bless everyone suffering with estrangement ❤️

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Thanks Shawn! Yes, forgiveness is essential!

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Se puede vivir felizmente sin perdonar. Hay una cosa que se llama indiferencia y en ella no tiene cabida la amargura ni el rencor. Ese libro lo he leído varias veces y no me gusta. Me gusta la ciencia y la psicología.

I just really like you . If we were neighbors, we'd be friends. I'm 59 my son is 29. We are not estranged, we're very close actually. Due to a divorce and a catastrophic car accident on my end long story. But I still identify and want to hear what you say . Thank you Lisa

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

How kind, Lisa! Thank you!😊💜🌟

It sounds like your sister may have been listed as a beneficiary or paid on death of your mom’s account. It’s also possible your mom didn’t have much at all and if your sister was local and took care of your mom in some way then she felt what was left should have gone to her since she had been dealing with things. I say all of that because that is what happened in my family. My parents always said everything would be divided evenly, but the sibling that lived closest received everything which again wasn’t much. I made peace with it.

after 30 years I dont think I ever forgive for my pedofile father for destroying mine and my sibling`s childhood + our 20s he knew what he was doing, he was constantly in denial, he felt quilt.. but never stopped anyways, never stopped his violence he taught us to hate him.. if you teach hate.. eventually your kids will turn against you! it is inevitable he tought he could continue being part of our lives after raping his daughters like nothing happened, he thought he could be grandfather to his grand daughter without admitting he failed completely as a father? I understand he had huge empty void huge shame.. that he couldnt face. He couldnt face who he truly was, he tried to pretend to be someone else He were also heavy drinker.. when he drink he became very violent, provoking fights with anyone who were near him when he stopped drinking.. he started to mock other heavy drinkers... yes.. you were like that too it was easier to blame everyone else than himself, it was easier to laugh at other people than face himself but he payed heavy price from his doings. He lost everyone. No one want to be near him, no one want to deal with him specially his daughters want to make sure he never EVER go near his grand daughter cause we know what he will do to her we wont let him hurt her the way he hurt us for 25 years he will hurt everyone around him thats what he do. We had no choice but to leave. All apologizes through our childhood were just permission for him to continue he had no boundaries or respect for people. It brought us trauma, emotional, physical pain that we likely never recover completely. Even writing this now I feel great sadness, anger and hate that no matter how much I wanted to have loving dad, how much I desired to have loving family.. NORMAL family life.. it just sadly never existed. I had no choice but to cut ties.. he would have continued destroying my life like he always did from the day I was born. from 2nd grade he beat me up, choking me, telling me go kill yourself.. telling me " I make you eat your food from the ground " my heart is broken.. I didnt want to do this.. I just had to.. to stay sane.. now everything is quiet.. everything peaceful.. after so many years of noise and fear will be Childfree.. I dont want to get myself involved with marriage or parenthood, ever wish to have peace from everything sometimes you cannot forgive also you cannot stay it will cost your life and sanity if you will these kind of people dont care what happens to you, they just want ease their own pain by hurting others

@eldergal

25 күн бұрын

Sorry you had to experience something like this pastelmoon!

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Perdonar un daño tan grande sería traicionar al niño que fuiste. Salir huyendo de eses seres maléficos es lo más sano para tu integridad física y mental. Te deseo que tengas una vida armoniosa y que te quieras mucho a tí mismo ❤

Your mother needs the forgiveness over the will, not your sister. Let it go.

Why forgive? Why continue to let these people victimize you. They do not deserve forgiveness at all. Ignore, move on, go no contact but do not forgive.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

I'm not sure you got the point of forgiveness I was making. It's not about them, it's about you. And it's not allowing them to victimize you further. Forgiveness is about healing yourself! Hope this helps.

@great-garden-watch

2 ай бұрын

@@eldergal thanks I do understand and I see this suggestion often. Maybe it’s just semantics. Maybe there’s a different word. For me, forgiving excuses and understands and gives legitimacy to these people. I’m not religious but isn’t forgiveness “turning the other cheek?” That certainly says to me, sure, hit me again, I welcome it.

I think those who feel they have to hold grudges are surely hurting more than we are; and it's most likely self-inflicted suffering more than any kind of victimization. It's too bad. What I *will* give those who withhold their love through never-ending grudges and bad behavior ... is my *sympathy*.

Is it possible that your sister used the money to pay for funeral services and she did all the prescriptions after your mother passed. Maybe there wasn’t anything to divide, other than personal items. However if your mother was in assisted living she probably didn’t have much. God Bless🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

How do you forgive SA for example? No, I dont believe in forgiving everything.

@pattip1413

2 ай бұрын

Sometimes you get given grace. I did but I hardly think of this person as real, it’s more abstract. I have detached from his personality. Hi

You need to forgive...you're only hurting yourself. Don't carry it around. Not easy....we can all do it! God forgave us....shouldn't we forgive others.

On Earth as it is In Heaven, it we fail to forgive, will our father in heaven fail to forgive us? Pray to GOD about it. The more baggage you like pile upon yourself the more broken you become, this is a truth I have learned. You should try to begin each day like a rebirth, and I try to read or listen to scriptures . I also try to remember wwjd . Totally understandable, but we have to overcome the world, and not hold onto it. Things of the world are corrupted, fallen we should realize wickedness and people will try to live inside your head space and if you allow that they Rob you of peace and ultimately destroy the soul. Don't let them destroy your soul. Nothing In This world is worth hell itself. Imagine being judged by GOD or seeing family in an unforgiven state, what more have you to lose, it's a horrible thought, what chains you binds them, and what binds you chains them, great them as a neighbor. It is not up to us to judge. I understand your upset about things, but you don't take them with you either. Just hope this helps someone out there dealing with these issues.

I am very good at forgiveness. My mother taught me how to do that because she did so much that needed forgiveness. I do it so well that sometimes i can forgive and then i FORGET and allow that person to do something again that i have to forgive. I have to be careful and REMEMBER. I make a decision to forgive self and an other, and then i cease allowing myself to replay the event in my mind. As long as I'm replaying it, i haven't forgiven yet. Even with self forgiveness the same rule applies. I must cease replaying the event and ruminating. So i don't make the decision to forgive unless I'm ready to stop ruminating. Something else too is forgiveness requires that you stop blaming. It's all about self talk. In order to stay angry, i must blame self or others for what happened. From the time i decide to forgive, like with my mother, it actually took about a year to let go after i made the decision. I didn't do it for her, i was tired of being angry and thinking about what she did, so i chose to forgive and let it all go. I disagree that you cannot stop thinking about the childhood stuff. You can. I haven't thought about it anymore after i forgave her. Within 1 year of her death i had forgiven about 80% of what she did. The remainder took about 2 more years. I gave up my victimhood. I had to process what mom did and i did that in therapy, so all i had left to do after she died was just to let go. I rarely even think about Mom or Dad anymore since they died. I cried and went through the whole grieving process daily for about 6 months, then let it go. Grief doesn't have to go on and on and neither does still having a sore spot about the childhood stuff or stuff from adulthood. My mom left me a dollar in her will, i can laugh about it now. Yeah, you can forget the wrongs. Ansolutely. Feel it, process it and then you can consciously choose to let it go. Then stop replaying it in your head. I have a different attitude. To me, all of the pain i went through served me. It made me a better, stronger person. It gave me wisdom and experience. I also know that i agreed to experience all this before incarnating. You cannot continue to stay angry when this is what you signed up for. Lack of forgiveness to me means that i am still blaming and haven't taken responsibility for the fact that i agreed to all this and chose my parents for what lessons they could give me. You cannot stay angry when you do this. I also, with painful experiences, ask myself, what's the lesson here for me?? When you choose to walk away from victimhood and know that you requested having these events so you could grow then it becomes much easier to let it go. It puts the responsibility back on you, and you CAN control you. I can actually say with all honesty that i am thankful for the abuse, for the neglect, for all of the things my mother did because i have used these experiences to grow and to heal myself, so I've gotten to the other side of that to see what good things came out of that. It made me a better person, how can i be angry at that?? I know how to forgive because i got a ton of practice. And i know i have forgiven because i can talk about it and there's no emotion attached to it anymore, and because i don't ever think about my childhood anymore. I processed that junk for 12 years in therapy. It's done. I would not change ANY OF IT, even the molestation that almost cost me my life in adulthood. I signed up for it. Now i have gotten to experience what it means to heal yourself. I got to be a drug addict and pull myself out of that and heal and walk away. I cannot even tell you how proud i am of that. What's the lesson? When we learn the lesson, we can stop repeating it. I choose to believe that i chose my parents and all the major events in my life and signed up for them, BECAUSE that allows me to stop blaming and take responsibility and free myself. I chose this belief FOR that reason. Whether it's actually true or not, i can't remember, but it certainly does work if you want to be free. You do not have to continue to suffer. That's optional. If your beliefs no longer serve you, change them and find ones that do serve you. That's what i did and it absolutely works. What if?? What if I'm right?? Then everyone has been suffering way longer than they needed to. What if you chose your parents, your sister and all major events in your life, your children chose you as their parent and all their life events?? What does that mean for you?? Well, it alleviates guilt for being a crappy parent. They chose this just like we did. I must have the qualities my son wanted in order for him to get the lessons he wanted for this life. I made a living amends for my mistakes in his life by healing myself and getting sober. Just like me, he requested a drug addicted mother to learn his lessons from. I no longer feel guilty. It was all part of the plan. We agreed to this. And what is my lesson in his estrangement?? What's his lesson? We signed up for this, so what is it that i need to learn by going through this? Well, for one, to be self reliant and know i can do what i need to in this wheelchair on my own. Two, learn how to manifest what i need whether money or a better car, whatever. Find gratitude in my life, learn a skill, painting, all this stuff for myself. What other lessons?? Let's see. He is an addict, so patience, tolerance, forgiveness and that i need to embrace the addict in me and integrate her. I can stay mad at him but it's only because I've not embraced the addict in me. Wow, that's alot of learning from the estrangement. There are a bunch of lessons there, still to be received. What was it i was wanting to learn by his estrangement from me? The sooner i learn the lessons, then i don't have to keep repeating the experience. It's all about perspective and one of the things learned from awakening is how to see things from multiple perspectives simultaneously. We get to consciously choose our beliefs and perspectives. What serves the greatest good here?? If changing a couple beliefs and one's perspective means that i get to be free from anger, victimhood, guilt and an effed up childhood, why would i not choose to evaluate my beliefs and change my perspective ? Another point i want to make is that whatever you believe is what you create. If you believe you can never heal fully and be free from what happened in the past, then you never will. If you believe you grieve the loss of a parent or family member forever then that's exactly what you will experience. Your only limitation is the belief that you are limited. Make a new choice. The whole awakening thing for me is a journey inward. It's not only an inner journey from the thinking mind into the heart, but it's a journey of making the subconscious conscious. 95% of mind is subconscious. I know you already know that. Beliefs are subconscious. Fears are subconscious. Traumas and suppressed emotions are in there and aspects of yourself that you suppress. But it runs your life, makes almost all your decisions for you. Don't you want the freedom to consciously create the world you want?? Then you have to do the work. There isn't one single thing about me since my initial awakening that has not changed. Not one single thing. I cannot afford the luxury of having anger and resentments and staying unconscious. That would take me right back into addiction. I had no choice, break free or die trying. I'm not the person who used. I cannot be in resistance to what is by holding onto all that made me so sick and that is a gift. Break free or die trying. You can be free from the past, you can choose to forgive quite easily when you accept that you signed up for all of this. There are no victims in this world, only volunteers.

@Jean-ni6of

Ай бұрын

Won't take the time to read this. Forgive for whatever.

Theres a big difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness means letting go of bitterness and anger. In order to do this os you have to confront the person who did you wrong. Trust on the other hand means it has a history of past behaviors and keeps a record of future behaviors. Do you forgive? Yes but you do not have to trust them again and you do not have to invite them over for a backyard barbeque. What i mean is you do not have to have them in your life.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Absolutely Bonnie! Well said.

The concept of forgiveness is not for them, it's for you. But and I say but, our culture puts the onus on you to use up the rest of your energy to forgive someone. That is bogus strategy. You should not be spending time thinking about the fool, but your time is best spent on moving forward. Moving forward IS your forgiveness. After moving forward, they can then find out their punishment. It has nothing to do with traditional forgiveness. That is a lie to keep you buried in it. Simply move forward.

@carmenbarroso5332

3 күн бұрын

Creo que esta imposición viene de la religión. Están en el error de creer que los que no perdonan están amargados o son rencorosos, eso es falso. Son los creyentes en estas religiones que se ven obligados a perdonar (incluso por mandamiento).

Maybe your sister did not discuss the arrangements with you because she ended up spending her own money on top of what your mother had to settle expenses you were not aware of.

@eldergal

28 күн бұрын

Thanks Helen for the comment. I don't think that is what happened, but again since I had no explanation, can never be sure. Thanks for watching!

My cousin who recently passed always used to say that she could "forgive people for being born Arseholes"

You should really challenge your Mother's Will, especially since your sister has "Plenty of Money" and people like her are NEVER Satisfied and always want MORE than their "share"