This is the most serious and articulate I’ve ever seen Quagmire.

"I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore." - The deepest cutting line in the whole speech

Some people are missing the point, Quagmire is aware he’s all those things he pointed out to Brian, the difference is Quagmire isn’t trying to hide that he’s a terrible person, he’s telling Brian he’s just as bad as him

I still find it kinda weird and oddly fascinating how Seth McFarlane managed to make, essentially an argument with himself, sound so realistic and emotional.

Quagmire's got a point...

The reason Quagmire was perfect for this rant was because he isn't saying this because he is better then Brian, he's saying this to prove Brian is no better than him

It's funny how Brian doesn't believe in Jesus Christ even though he met him more than once.

Quagmire doing charity work is the most selfless thing I've heard anyone do in this show

And yet Brian learned nothing. Not only that, he continues to get worse.

I love this clip because it’s just Seth McFarlane roasting himself 😂

The battle between a terrible person who owns that he is awful, and a terrible person that refuses to admit it.

Brian saying "how can you not like me" instead of "why don't you like me" or something like that is easily my favorite thing about this scene

"You want me to sit here and explain to you how a plane works?"

I think Brian saying

“You hit on your best friends wife”

Quagmire: “How’s that son of yours, that you never see?”

"I date women for their bodies but at least I'm honest about it."

I love how quagmire always hated Brian but never voiced the reasons until he was asked point plant. A lot of people “hate” others for no good reason but quagmire had the reasons, he just didn’t care enough or feel the inclination to voice them until called upon.

Quagmire may not have finished the steak, but that dude ate.

"How can you not like me?"