Being with a narcissist is exhausting

Any relationship that makes you feel worse about yourself, rather than better, is toxic! When you are left feeling unloved, drained and have been attacked in any way, is a sure sign that you're in a toxic relationship. No one is worth staying in a relationship that causes you constant pain and heartache.💔 💙KZreadr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

@CraigMalkin

2 жыл бұрын

True

All understandable now….but too late. I was devalued and dumped before I had any idea what was going on.

@CraigMalkin

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry 😞 hope you’re happily with someone now

Mine is so much like that. He says he does "bad" things to make himself feel unique and superior. Can you believe it. Man. . . and he's constantly vindictive to me for "perceived" slights I make to him. He is so narcissistic, but eight psychologists have seem him and they say he isn't narcissistic, even when he shows so many obvious signs. It's crazy.

@gorunsko31

Ай бұрын

My experience with marriage counselors was the same. Now he is seeing psychiatrist, who does not have a clue what this personality disorder is about.

Ha yes! I was glad to see myself say to new guy, let’s slow down, he didn’t like it and raised his red flag..this time I saw the flag and believed it to be what it was RED…so that was that😃now still happy and single!!

This is great information and as another commenter said, original. This is the science I haven’t heard anywhere else.

I wish I had seen this video years ago, before my husband devalued me, cheated on me and then tried to choke me to death when I picked up his phone and exposed his true, cheating, self, all because he lost yet another job at 54 and blamed it on ME! Who does stuff like this? So many regrets now, in hindsight, now that I know what Narcissism is. And ignorance is NOT bliss, when it comes to these types of disordered people! I'd never even heard of NPD before all this crap happened. What unhappy, unstable people they are and they just project their "crap" onto others, even people they are supposed to love, like their wife (and kids) of 27 years! Healthy people cannot wrap their head around it, or at least, I can't. It's like he was an entirely different person all these years and when the mask came off, it was a very ugly person that was underneath. Yikes. Thanks for these Videos though! Very much appreciate them and they are VERY helpful, Dr. Malkin!

@gorunsko31

Ай бұрын

Narcs are robots.

The problem with Idealization (especially if you're someone whose self esteem isn't optimal) is that it becomes very addictive. You end up chasing their validation in the same way that someone high in Narcissistic traits, chases admiration from people because it feels good even though it's not good for you in the long run.

Married 45 years love bombed in the beginning, at the 37 yr anniversary, discarded and betrayed for another woman. Did not discover this until they were both killed in a helicopter crash. Neither of us knew he split his week between us for 8 years! This was confirmed by her children that I was forced to meet when my daughter and I had to go get his financial jazz and business files. 😱 His excuse to both of us was he was “away working”. How can a narcissist pull this off? …such a good good liar. Appeared very odd to me prior to his death, guarded, hollow, superficial, exhausted, memory gaps, ???Pre-psychotic…I think things were catching up with him. Pretended at his work to be looking at million+ homes. They thought he was divorced 😳

@CraigMalkin

Жыл бұрын

Omg what an awful experience. Sending my support .

@tarotbyfrances

Жыл бұрын

wow sending love and healing to you - you will be ok, you have survived !

Thanks Craig! Kind regards, D

So, every video on the internet tells you how to run away from the partner, how to identify toxic behaviour and how to mortify narcissists as a punishment for their actions. Fine, but what if you are on the giving end? How can you avoid this type of behavior of idealization and devaluation? I will put someone on a pedestal as a defense mechanism, because it's hard to accept human nature - humanity is too strange to accept it for what it is. But the truth will eventually come out and you find out that your partner is as humane as you and the rest of the world.

@CraigMalkin

2 жыл бұрын

you’re right this one is geared towards people hurt by the cycle, and unlike some of my others, I don’t mention people who struggle with extreme narcissism in themselves. I also don’t say run away. I rarely do (I always advise finding a way to leave intractable abuse). My advice is implicit here, as it often is, but I’ll make it explicit: can you approach idealization with some flexibility? If the person you’re with for example offers an alternative time to get together, as I suggest here, try to to bear in mind-they *do* still want to see you. It’s not rejection. What would you be feeling towards them if you *didn’t* have them on a pedestal? Look beneath the defense. Pedestals are fun a while and a normal part of romance; but when we glue people to them we’re ignoring feeling in ourselves that need to be addressed. When you acknowledge those feelings-always vulnerable ones-you’ll stop pedestal parking. And with that goes the devaluing too.

@Rolfw993

2 жыл бұрын

@@CraigMalkin wisely put, so putting someone on a pedestal is just another way to cope with the world instead of accepting things the way they are. Thank you for putting it this way.

But if I ask them to slow down with the love bombing, I don't realy break the cycle, right? You mentioned that this will lead to immediate devaluing? How do I make things more stable?

Its eaither you or them if you pick them you STILL lose them because you are no longer valuable to them you are broken

Go to dinner pay attention to how they treat others..bus boy, cleaning person, anyone that does menial work...

@CraigMalkin

Жыл бұрын

Sometimes yes, but not all narcissistic people do this. Some are so awkward they barely interact with the workers (or anyone)

@fuzbugg

Жыл бұрын

some are also flawlessly polite… but only for the attention

@JP-lw4js

Жыл бұрын

I’ve seen over the top people pleasing to service staff, communal narc performance, insidious

@show_me_your_kitties

4 ай бұрын

This is bad advice. Mine is wonderful in public and with those in the serving industry.

Fox and the grapes? But it's all in their head that they can't reach them...

His best friend is a ex bailsbondman...need we say anymore? He held me in a chair spitting into my FCE over his dads republican views.He told ne he didnt wa t to ever marry I get that but why reoeat this scenario all about over..I had done nithi g to him except skip the oadgentry of the funeral I was close to his dad. ...he told me his dad hated ne I saw him through rose colored glasses try tofirgive..he just called me whiney.I'm not soeaking to him anymore