You had a very human moment where you realized you've grown up more than you realized, life moved on without you, but it never left it was still part of you. You just need to go back to remind yourself wow this was and still is my life, but Japan is my life too. The wise Oogway quote 'Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a Gift. It's why they call it the present' Those words keep me going everyday

Not wanting to go back other than to see immediate family or close friends generally means that it isn't home anymore, and home is now where you currently are. If life gets more complicated as you get older through mortgages, pension payments/taxes or family not being able to travel to see you/getting older, that's usually when you finally just give in and go back.

I understand what you mean about going home, seeing little things that changed, and realizing that the place you grew up still moves on without you. It really is a surreal feeling.

Gave me heart attack with that title.

I think that transition from your 20’s to your 30’s is such a beautiful thing because something clicks into place that you don’t even realize was missing until it clicks. I know when I turned 30 (I’m 34 now) it was like a peace that came over me that made everything else seem so very small. My advice to the 20 something’s who are struggling to find a piece of life that belongs to them, you don’t make mistakes, you learn life lessons. Laugh as much as you can, love your family fully, and KEEP GOING!!!

This comes from having two homes. From an outsider looking in you will always have the memories of USA and that is home / comfort. You also have this new home in Japan, which is your independence and finding yourself but is also still home. My advice would be to embrace both when possible. Be grateful for where you came from and how it helped shape who you are but be proud of where you are now and how you've grown from being there. As you said, both are you so love you in its whole and enjoy both homes when you can ☺️

You are a person with one foot in two different places and cultures. It is NEVER easy to reconcile that and you are GOING to feel torn a lot between who you WERE, and who you ARE. Just remember ultimately you are the one who decides your own path, and you don't have to close doors to either side to progress as a person (speaking as someone who's biracial in his 50s). And I'm just another bunch of text on the internet, but I want you to know I devote a little bit of my energy to being happy for you and loving every bit of content you've shared with us over the years!

As someone who has just turned 24 with still no clue wtf she's doing in life, this video was quite healing to watch

I'm 43 and I've experienced this as well, though not as far. I live in the midwest now but I was raised in Southern California. I have no desire to go back and see family or anything like that. A lot of the reason I feel like that is because I've become a different person than I was when I lived there. I expect the same has happened to you. Not to mention, as you get older, you seek comfort and consistency. Feeling like that is totally okay though. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's honestly, impressive that you've realized these things already. If nothing else, I'm proud of you!

You aren't alone in this. I'm 31 years old and have lived in japan for close to eight years. However it was during the start of covid that I came out here last. I also have not been back to the states since. To me, Japan is more my home now than the states is. My wife and I live out here and our families have moved on with their lives. You become a different person the longer you are away from home. Unfortunately, it was when we were home that we noticed how much we had changed. But now, in about 8 months we will be going back to the states for work and I have mixed feelings. America has become the foreign country to me but I know it is where I came from. Where I grew up. So I feel conflicted. A part of me is excited to go back, if even for a bit. But the other part of me is scared to leave.

I'm going to turn 40 this year, and I've been through this feeling more than once. Sometimes you don't even need to leave "home" to leave home. I have a tattoo that has the original Greek version of the quote "No man can step in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and you are not the same man." That quote reminds me daily that we are ever changing and evolving and sometimes we literally leave a place and sometimes metaphorically or spiritually. Sometimes going BACK to a place makes you see how far you've gone. I'm so glad that you went through this and are taking time to parse the feelings and allowing yourself to make the decisions that are right for you. Happy 2023, Aki and I hope your future is full of more wonderful revelations and joy. <3

As someone who’s moved around from being a military brat and is now in their 20s I get the whole identity crisis when seeing the home you grew up in. It’s almost like a mix of sad nostalgia and pride in yourself when you see how you’ve moved on and how far you’ve come 💙

The way you described 'opposing identities' sent shivers down my spine. I, and a friend of mine have very similar feelings. We both never identified with our home countries, we both moved states for uni, now are both living abroad, both had a chat of "there's nothing back there for us".

I know what you mean

Comfort. You have comfort in the US and you have comfort in Japan. It is a weird different type of comfort at both places. With growth can come some major pain and nostalgia. I am turning 30 in a year, and I still feel like I have not accomplished anything yet. This was really refreshing to not feel alone in this crazy time in my life.

I lived in Germany as an exchange student, absolutely LOVED it. I pretty much assimilated as much as possible into German society, achieving near-native fluency to the point where the Germans couldn't immediately tell I wasn't one of them, which was pretty cool. But at some point I hit an emotional WALL that I couldn't get beyond. I realized despite at times acting "more German than the Germans", I could never truly BE German because I wasn't them, I was AMERICAN. For about a month I quit reading German literature and dove into American novels...Joseph Heller's Catch 22, Vonnegut's Slaughter House 5, Mark Twain's innocents Abroad....I reconnected with my American sense of identity....and felt grateful sometimes I WASN'T German, didn't have to carry the emotional weight of the legacy of WW2 the way my German friends did....I came home after my year abroad and regretted it, wanted to go back within a week of being home, but at the time of my departure I was ready to come home, having resisted coming home at Xmas mid-way through that academic year.

YES. I turned 30 last year and I can’t believe that all the stuff I found so important in my 20’s are now things of least importance. I valued my social status, my friends, my independence, my experiences, etc. Now, my family and building a life with people who care about me is the most important thing. I’m married and am just starting my own family- my circle is small now and I don’t care. Back then I just wanted to take, take, and take all the experiences anyone could give me. But now, I want to give it all back- to my parents, to my younger siblings, to my husband and now to the baby inside. It’s crazy how much you grow up within a couple of years. You are just not the same person anymore and I completely understand. Good luck, Aki and I wish you all the best!

I felt this in my soul. I’m originally from Ireland and have lived outside of it for many years. Coming back to my small town and seeing so much change rattled me a bit. But it’s ok. It’s life

"the internet gives no room for ppl to just be human" totally struck a chord with me, coming from someone who turned 30, just 3 yrs ago. But for me being mixed race (white, brown, black) with an British mum & Middle Eastern/African father and having lived 1/3 of my life in England, the other in the Middle east, and the last 1/3 in Japan, I've always had a bit of an issue as to where home exactly was, until I moved to Tokyo and settled here. after traveling to almost 40 countries (and living in many of them for more than a year) before hitting 30, I realized that Japan is the place I felt most at home for so many reasons. I've made a life, my own manga/illustration studio here from scratch. When I actually go back everything feels so foreign, don't get me wrong i love seeing fam&friends when going back, and having meals that I had to find here, but like Joey said, life back home moved on and so have you, and that is exactly what has happened in my case. Anyhoo, hope to finally meet you both being so close and all. Much love, ganbatte & jya ne

There's over 1700 comments as of this message, so I don't think it'll ever be seen, but I feel like typing anyway. "Are you me?" was what I heard and felt. I'm 34 (my birthday just happened). When I was 26, I moved out of my tiny hometown in the American south to seek a new life in a big city in California, obviously a big change. It was a major culture shock, but I think I handled it well. At some point, I was able to fly home to visit family, and all those feelings mentioned in this video--I felt all of that. I briefly stopped thinking of it as home because of personal reasons (parents and several family passed away right as I was leaving, things changed a lot on that end), but there's still something familiar there. It was...humbling, to say the least. I also visited one of my old schools (because of other family going there for an event) and found some of my old teachers were still there. They congratulated me on "life" and I thought, "It's nothing that special," but maybe it is.