Any type of narcissist will ruin us for life. We're always doubting our self worth.Its a doomed relationship from the beginning.

@rosemaryclarke2348

8 ай бұрын

My mum wasn't grandiose; she didn't want anyone to have any emotion over anything even her, especially not herself, that's why I wanted to help her but I was frozen nearly to death by the ice. It sounds awful but she died and I'm so relieved. She was a hard worker who was hard on herself and us especially me for some reason. It's so confusing and I try to let it go but I don't understand.

@leahv.2537

8 ай бұрын

I personally don't want to give anyone that kind of power and control over me to allow them to ruin my life. Although, for the decade that followed as I healed from the narc relationship and when the guy came back two years ago pretending like he changed I felt like he wasted the most important time of my life. I've been having fertility challenges that started with heavy periods over a decade ago and I'm going to need surgery to correct it. I viewed the time wasted, stress, misery and resulting health challenges as my life being ruined but I don't want to give him that power. I'm taking back my power over my own life and choices and my hope is that you and anyone else who feels like the narc ruined your life will be restored, renewed and refreshed. 😊❤ I endured and survived life lessons that costed me, yes but I allowed myself to make those choices. He didn't hold a 🔫 on me. It's almost my need to help him and not disappoint him and him being mad at me held the 🔫 on me, odd enough. And I want to acknowledge too that some people do legit have some narcs destroy their life. But in milder cases where we could technically exercise some personal agency, some of that destruction comes from us not standing strong and standing up for ourselves and walking away. If only back then some of us had the courage to do so.

@leahv.2537

8 ай бұрын

​@@rosemaryclarke2348do you mean literal ice or metaphorically?

@dianatenney7821

8 ай бұрын

@@rosemaryclarke2348 Sounds a lot like my mom as well... she seemed to neglect the fact others had them and we were confused over it even her own mother...I called it the yo-yo relationship a very difficult one.

@melisentiapheiffer3034

8 ай бұрын

Yep

I don't want ANY narcissist in my life. I like peace, harmony, Self-care, and loving myself ❤ Blessings to all on this channel 🙏

@vaschristou4027

8 ай бұрын

No one wants them. They just voluntarily inflict themselves on their chosen victims🥲🤨

@adamx6000

8 ай бұрын

Dear Doctor Ramani, as a person who has been diagnosed by 3 doctors to be a narcissist, should I at least wait while trying to improve myself for the very remote chance that Hell might freeze and I can actually change or should I just kill myself now? ADAM TAYLOR GROULX San Rafael, California

@adamx6000

8 ай бұрын

@@greengrace21I wonder how many people hear agree with Richard and voted for Trump?

@zanaros2606

4 ай бұрын

The reason narcissists are always existing and gaining power in this world, is because most common people are still giving these types of people all the power to be the "hero" to fix everything for them. Or to be the "villain" everyone can judge and point their fingers at...if ever things go wrong. Which is why dictators will always exist in our world, haha. Common people enabling narcissists, so that they don't need to be fully responsible for the existence of all the perfection/imperfections of this world.

It's hard to tell who's GOLD and who's GOLD PLATED, until it's too late.

I’m longing for ZERO relationship. I’m SO done & happily single! Protecting my peace.

@rosemaryclarke2348

8 ай бұрын

She never had any friends but seemed to enjoy large groups of children to, to them, become a mother figure. I used to watch knowing that I wasn't included there.

@mioara8169

8 ай бұрын

Same here😊

@kryssysmith1486

8 ай бұрын

Same here!

@crimestoppers1877

8 ай бұрын

You go girl!

@user-wh4eq3ws8d

8 ай бұрын

Same!

I've seen a grandiose narcissist morph into a vulnerable narcissist after they lost all of their money.

@user-dp1dj9or4e

8 ай бұрын

When they lose enough supply they become vulnerable.

@user-wh4eq3ws8d

8 ай бұрын

My ex was both, total chaos

@AnnePerkins-po5jo

8 ай бұрын

Or they want to latch onto an empath.

@jessicaabbott10

8 ай бұрын

YES!!!!!!!! That’s my story, too.

@MiyamotoMusashi9

8 ай бұрын

When you start with "ive" you instantly become the narcissist yourself... just kidding 😂 but hey watch the slippery slope ,those who fight monsters should be aware that they become that monster

Covert narcissist has grandiosity too but its hidden and show up during devalue stage.

@Coconutshavebadhair

8 ай бұрын

This

@killjoyredux8361

8 ай бұрын

Yes

As a daughter of a vulnerable narcissist mom, I can tell you I have zero problem dealing with grandiose people in fact I prefer it any day. The latter can be annoying, the former is actual poison

@Bri_165

8 ай бұрын

Same. I think vulnerable narcissists can do so much more damage because people only see the damsel in distress, not that the damsel is causing the distress

@Queen_B235

8 ай бұрын

Agreed. My mom was a vulnerable narcissist. She was much worse than my narcissist ex.

@yuu_miran

8 ай бұрын

Yeap they feel like a delay release poison or slow torture or century long mummification😅

@flyersgirl929

8 ай бұрын

My mother is a covert narc and my step father is a grandiose narc. Both are intolerable and life sucking. NC is the only way with these kinds of ppl

@beathinks

8 ай бұрын

Yes!!! My dad was a religious communal narcissist and I’ve always been so off put by the overtly arrogant types. But as someone who was never allowed to be vulnerable or express how they truly feel… vulnerable/covert narcissists are SO HARD!!! My ex is one and god damn, but he pulled me in so easily.

A NEGLECTFUL vulnerable narcissist is a real gem!! Not being seen,valued, validated and constantly gaslit was sheer hell. And why did he betray me, cheat on me behind my back ?? Oh yeah, that was MY FAULT and I " brought it on myself " God save the new supply ~

@janahillairet

8 ай бұрын

Same here.

@spikygreen

8 ай бұрын

A neglectful vulnerable narcissist.. sounds like my mom. Both my parents, actually, though my father is more of a psychopath

We refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us. Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person. Two words, one finger, make it simple.

@PamdaBear1

8 ай бұрын

Two words, one finger, ha thats good

@lauramytunes

8 ай бұрын

That is good!! 😂Or 3 fingers and "read between the lines". Might be a little passive aggressive 😂😂

This was my EX-husband and me, the fixer with a savior complex from childhood. I've played the martyr role too long. Finally can feel the change in myself and the quality of my relationships. Therapy and watching or reading endless content like yours has done the trick!

I did a lot of work after my former husband left. I connected with a friend who was very different, vulnerable. But we went kayaking and he became critical of me. I left right away and left him a note. Boy am I glad I immediately left instead of spending the weekend. I got two kittens on the way home. A year later I met a caring man and we’ve been married for 28 years. I am able to be me. Thanks. This information would have been very helpful. All the best. Carol from NH

@TxHoneyBee

8 ай бұрын

Wow thank you for sharing this. I'm glad to hear a story like this, a story of a survivor finding love again. After the vulnerable narc I was with, I don't believe in love anymore, and that makes me really sad.

@indytoby1

8 ай бұрын

I feel i might of been a vulnerable narcissist before i understood what that was..i complained constantly and always felt in competition with everyone..i get it now and am doing a deep dive..i am 67 and learning everyday

@lauramytunes

8 ай бұрын

Yes thanks for sharing! I feel like the commenter above after all the narcissistic people I had in my life and lost hope in humanity and love again. It is slowly returning, my hope in humanity that is❤

@lauramytunes

8 ай бұрын

​@@TxHoneyBeeit is sad and it hurts❤❤

@TxHoneyBee

8 ай бұрын

@@lauramytunes I know, dear. Just hold on for faith that love does exist because now we love ourselves too much to let a narcissist stay in our lives. I did appreciate @walker449d's testimony because it highlighted the importance of trusting oneself to walk away from uncomfortable situations, narc or not.

Yah my ex, acted vulnerable at first, then turned into a covert grandiose narc lol. Its almost like henwould morph into whaterver he needed to, to maintain "control" of either a person, a situation or peoples perceptions of whoever the "enemy" du jour was.... it was so creepy and unreal

A grandiose narcissist would drag you up a mountain for the perfect sunset selfie and then shove you off the cliff. A vulnerable narcissist would make you sail a boat out to where you can barely see the land and then throw themselves overboard. And when you try to help them out they pull you in and hold you under the water and complain to you and anyone else nearby about how you’re not doing enough to help them as you suffocate slowly.

I’ve OD’d on ALL types of narcissists in my life.. currently in recovery. been sober for two years 🙏🏽

@jessicaabbott10

8 ай бұрын

Go you!!!!!

Narcissistic relationships are like being tickled nonstop. Tickling has been used as a form of torture. You look like you are “laughing” because it is fun when it’s a response to the tickling(actions) and when you finally get upset to get them to stop and understand it’s not fun for you. You are “overreacting," "not fun,” or “need to control yourself. ”

Omg, first wife grandiose, second/current wife undercover narc... now you tell me..😢

@crimestoppers1877

8 ай бұрын

IMHO Just say No!

Happened the other way around .. my father was a vulnerable narcissist. I got together with a grandiose one, cause I was sooo tired of my dad's way of always knowing everything better, but never doing anything, criticizing and judging others non-stop, attributing failures as personality traits, but for him, he was just being the victim, and never doing anything. He was neglectful too, so that didn't bother me in my grand narc partner. He was actually succeeding made me proud and feel safe. Until I started becoming more and more turbulent emotionally and finally connected the dots, that he was actually emotionally abusing me, and my feelings have a reason.

A narcissist is a narcissist is a narcissist.....

@geraldfriend256

8 ай бұрын

More to it than that.

Holy moly what have I done to myself? 15years later I didnt know the abuse was brewing. At the height of the divorce he treated me exactly how he treated all the rest that "wronged him" and he continued to escalate. Glad to be out, nearly 2 years divorced.

I know what this is like, just having a relationship with my vulnerable narcissistic mother. It just got worse, over the course of time. It felt as if she was actually, consciously using it to drain me, possibly in retribution, for her feeling that me being born ruined her life. The good that came out of it was not only that I left, but I could see my neighbor coming and, even more so than my own mother, seemed to want to wrangle me into submission and guilt me into caring for her. I guess I appear to be the most needy, validation seeking person in the world, until I give a flat, unwavering no. But, I will not have some lazy, entitled person, kick open the door to my life and tell me that I owe them what they weren’t interested in doing for themselves.

I dated two at the same time. One leads a cult. 🤣😭

I went the other way around from a sibling and parent covert narcissist to a grandiose narcissist partner. His positivism and enthusiasm were at first refreshing. After a while, of course it was exhausting because he wanted me to take risks that I was not willing to take.

I waited over 18 months after ending my relationship with an overt narcissist to date anyone. I ended up in a relationship with a covert narcissist for over two years. I broke up with him just over two months ago. This video literally feels like my life. I’m so thankful I know the difference between the types of narcissists. I’m perfectly content being single.

My son's ex narc dumped him (after 10 years and 2 children) only to trade him in for a much older but richer model😢

@crimestoppers1877

8 ай бұрын

Predictable?

I honestly never took the year off from going from one relationship to the next, and I didn't even know the name for the abuse I had suffered as a child up until I found your channel. When I was in my narcissistic relationships I felt empty, numb, unheard I was really annoyed and frustrated because my needs weren't being met ( no matter how many times I would talk to the person they would never listen, hindsight being 20/20 now I get it). It was as if though there was a cement block constantly on my chest. NOW, ( I did take the year off as Dr. R had suggested) adding it was a blessing in disguise, don't get me wrong it did hurt a lot to take the year off and to process everything.), that I've gotten rid of all of the narcissists in my life that concrete block on my chest has disappeared.

@cindyrhodes

8 ай бұрын

((((((Kryss!!!!!!!))))))🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤❤

@markomeker7789

8 ай бұрын

I have exactly the same experience as you although my cement block is still present at time and I get agitated and angry whenever I experience disrespectful behavior towards me. I immediately bite back and chase that person away from me. No matter how long we know each other. That as you can imagine left me quite by myself. But at least I don't eat c..p anymore as I used to my whole entire life. Refuse to be anybody's doormat again and a punching back!

@janenerbeaner1673

8 ай бұрын

I know exactly what you mean, I feel so much lighter now that my narc husband left me a couple months ago.

@kryssysmith1486

8 ай бұрын

@@markomeker7789 well exactly and especially when you have so many narcissists in your life using you as a doormat, and when you get PIISSED OFF with them, they turn around and play the victim? When I FINALLY realized that everyone around me was using me as a doormat That's when I told myself I'm "Nope, I'm done that's it". I am not one to sugarcoat things and I do mirror people and (the way they treat me), so for me it's not my fault if you can't handle a simple truth.

@markomeker7789

8 ай бұрын

@@kryssysmith1486 Same here. I don't sugarcoat things as well. But my experience is when I get pissed, as you said they play victim then and what's most hurtful start to talk bad against you to familiars and unfortunately they are pretty convincing and at the end they start to look at you as a bad guy. Not them. That's the most frustrating thing when dealing with the narcissists. Just the other day my former best friend from high school for the third time provoked Me in public amongst people that we both know. Tried to diminish my grief for my former ex who died of cancer. Started to insult me that I play the victim all the time and that everybody has someone who passed. Just to mention he did exact same thing one day after her funeral. This time I just blew up, threw my drink in his face and grabbed him by the neck. I said this is the last time you disrespected my memory and my feelings towards a person who I truly loved at one point and who is no longer here. Called him a miserable cunt and walked away. This is a guy who I know for 30 years and who at one point I thought was my best friend.

I’ve been a narcissistic person I want to keep my empathy. I don’t know enough to blame anyone for certain I just want to do better. I wanna care. I want to trust. I want to know truth from illusion. Im pretty sure Im bipolar and schizophrenic. Thanks for always helping and Im sorry if Im a disappointment. Ill try to do better until the day I die.

@TashaScott-tu5rn

8 ай бұрын

You'll get over it dear.🥺

@C.C-os1cz

8 ай бұрын

Are you sure you’re narcissistic?

@xXNoMoralzXx

8 ай бұрын

@@C.C-os1cz Not right now. I have been though. It was a front. I masked to be more like my dad. I think i may be high functioning autistic. I can make all sorts of masks. Wanted to be an asshole for complicated reasons.

I only had such relationships, better to say situationships. Someone once said, that covert narcissists are wannabe overt narcissists and I think I agree.

Raises hand. Happened to me. Got out without going deep in. The vulnerable "injustly treated by everyone" narc went full-on vengance to punish me for my freedom of choice. Hated the fact that it was another narc person, it was underwhelming at a certain level. "Oh no are u kidding me?? Not again!"

Very helpful to have the distinction described with examples. The main narcissist in my life is primarily of this vulnerable type--constantly complaining, not interested in solutions, and jealous when I succeed in even the smallest of ways. Thanks for comparing to depression, too.

I have been living with someone for almost 5 years. We have been friends for 17 years, and we moved in together 4 months after I left my husband. I had done a deep dive in learning about narcissism for about 6 months before I left my husband, and my friend had my back through my entire horrible marriage. I was a little scared to do it too, but the last 5 years have been the happiest of my life. I really do agree with Dr. Ramani about taking a year off, though. I just lucked out.

I just had a communal narcissist ask me out. No, no, no. NO. Glad I see it coming now…

Thank you so much dear Doctor Ramani. It took me 30 years to finally understand the slavery, the bondage my VULNERABLE narcissist took me in. Tt take a lot of time, praying and listen to wonderfull angels, like you, to untie yourself. And learn how to free yourself from this kind of vampire;s of the soul. ❤❤❤

My parents bothe seem to be malignant narcissists. Then I was married to a vulnerable narcissist for 34 years. Thoughout the separation and for some time after the divorce, I kept hearing myself say, "It wasn't as bad as my childhood." I wouldn't say that anymore.

This is exactly what happened to me. Grandiose, to a vulnerable. Exactly! Thank you!

“And in a way, them having their victimhood reinforced IS their supply.” I rewatched this bit several times. Despite my ex having lost my salary since I left 18 months ago, she hasn’t tried to find extra work to bring in the necessary money. She’s actually reduced her hours to pursue a stand-up comedy career that is based almost entirely around her mental health struggles. Narc supply > financial security.

I'm done with the one way thing. Either making it all about me or just the opposite. I'm on the track of better and BETTER discernment.

I was a rescuer in a friendship with a vulnerable narcissist, and it left me sad and emotionally depleted, was kept awake all night until I believed it wasn't my fault, and then I became better. 🙂 A broken person is a heart braking thing but self protection has to be our priority.

I actually had someone say that their friends don’t deserve the happiness they have because it’s unfair. But that person said THEY deserved that happiness because they are a “good person.” 😑 I was appalled. They really think they know what other people do and do not deserve? The jealousy and spite was too much.

Wow... you just told my entire 13 year saga with my vulnerable NEX! I felt like I lived under a perpetual dark cloud and wore a superwoman savior cape most of the time. Thanks to you, I was able to get out of the toxic relationship and am on a beautiful self-discovery and healing path 🙌🏽 Thank you, Dr. Ramani 🙏🏽💞

My father was a malignant narcissist, and I only knew I was averse to character traits like his and a lot of the grandiose ones too. Only after having been married to and been abused after leaving a more covert version of grandiose (part communal, part self confident, Part pseudo humble), did I even learn about personalities that can be so harmful (I thought it was me being all the too sensitive or not good enough that I was told my whole life). And even years why by before I learned and was attatcked in the most painful way by one, that I realized I was raised by one of these too. It sucks all the life out of you and messes with your whole world and I'm still trying so hard to recover. Thank you for pointing out these things and our tendency to jump out of the frying pan into the freezer and that's only good fit a few min.

My cousin is grandiose and my ex-friend is vulnerable. Although I'm traumatized from the grandiose (15+yrs of emotional abuse), she is still a LOT easier to deal with. The vulnerable is annoying, emotionally draining, mentally exhausting, and just overall tiresome. At least my cousin will help us have fun because then everyone will praise her for it 🤷🏽‍♀️ Vulnerable will take anything good or fun and be upset about it Still, I stay away from both. Went no contact with the vulnerable and I'm STATES away from the grandiose and only see her once a year or so. The peace of these new circumstances are GLORIOUS ❤

This is so true. I used to joke that perhaps I should be blamed for all the earthquakes too.

Also awful when they flip flop between both and you never know which one you're going to get.

thank you. I had a grandiose narcissist partner for three years. I then had a vulnerable narcissistic partner for 14 years. You've explained the link so well. And yes, after supporting the VN in every conceivable way, in his mind I gradually seemed to become the main obstacle to him realising his true self, and I was then discarded. 10 years after the breakup with the VN and I'm getting married to someone who truly loves me, better late than never. Meanwhile the VN is still chronically complaining and sad about why he is so unlucky in life...

Yep. That’s me. Just when I thought I understood what to look for, the grandiosity which is so obvious to me now, the covert narcissist enters the room. My therapist always says “new level, new devil”. This is a whole new level of manipulation, gaslighting, entitlement for me.

9:43 "...in a way, them having their victimhood reinforced is their supply." So true! I almost didn't watch this because the title made me think it might be suggesting a vulnerable narc is no big deal compared to a grandiose narc. Glad that was NOT the case and I got some additional insights and validation about my damaging relationship with a covert narc.

I've taken a lot of time off from dating. I found peace being, love it! Next I'm going to a major 3 day rock festival alone! I paid way too much for ticket, I only have myself to answer to. 😊

The story of my last 20yrs word for word! Until the sudden discard

After 13 years relation i gave up on the vulnerable narcissists and ended up with a malignant one...

It’s easy to go from a vulnerable narcassist to a grandiose as well! Mainly because a grandiose narcassist will shower you with the love bombing (in the beginning) that the vulnerable narcissist did not.

@revlis4891

8 ай бұрын

Agreed

OMGNESSSS! Yes, this video fits me like a glove! I wish I’d heard info in your messages a long time ago. Married my high school sweetheart, never dated anyone else. Young, married under Catholic to death do us part to please my mom. From controlling mom to a controlling husband. Lasted 23 years, last 10 for kids sake. NEXT: Fun times, with grandiose complicated friend relationship. No intimacy because he is gay but a user and abuser after the love bombing ended. Finally ended but still in the background. So loved by his family. NEXT: Finally by chance I met a new person. It was awesome, I was going to help him get ahead but guess what?! 2.5 years in… He’s a Vulnerable Narcissist 🤦🏻‍♀️ Lol! A bottomless pit of needing. Thank you for your videos. I’m not out physically but I am stronger emotionally. It helps we are a long distance relationship. He is in my 2nd house together with his kids. I feel am over supporting. I’m no longer doing for him instead working on me and we’ll see what happens.

Great video as always. I would love to hear more of these kinds of topics framed from the perspective of different kinds of relationships, not just the romantic one-on-one. I grew up with a grandiose narc mother and vulnerable narc father and as a result, befriended and was abused by many narcissistic friends. Having your world view and social circle shaped by narcissists is a whole other realm of devastating.

It is painful to admit, but I did divorce a raging, cheating mean narcissist, and six years later married a master passive-aggressive narcissist. I had never heard of one, nor could I have imagined that he would quietly, sneakily and with grim determination take apart everything I built up. He lied, cheated, neglected and gaslighted me for 13 years. He destroyed our family. He is still a parasitical father, decades later. It took me years to realize there would be no maturing, growth or learning from his mistakes. It only got worse until I left him. Then, he knew what I loved most and destroyed that, too. I pre-ordered your book. Namaste 🌷

Man, this video is about 6 years too late. :( I thought I was free and clear because my second narcissist seemed so different from the first. About a year in and all the traits came out full force. I couldn't leave for financial reasons and it was like death by a thousand cuts. He was just...so exhausting. ETA: OH MY GOD. My term for my most recent ex was "bottomless pit of need." It's so telling that you also used this term. When I was in the relationship I was made to feel like I was crazy/cold. No, I was just sane.

@meadowrae1491

8 ай бұрын

I left him three years ago. After my past two exes I no longer trust my own judgment and I don't think I'll ever be in a cohabiting relationship again. I have a seven year old, and I'd rather stay single forever than give him trauma because of my poor judgement of character.

My ex would ruin every holiday for us at home saying he hated the holidays due to his time in the militray and his alleged ptsd, but then lavish "friends" and strangers, with gung ho Christmas cheer and gifts. If i picked out personalized gifts for family, he would take credit. If left up to him everybody got coffee shop guft certificates.

It takes time to get to know somebody. I had an experience with a vulnerable narc. It took me a long time to come into the conclusion that I couldn't stand that never ending complaining and especialy when he started attacking me that I had such a wonderful life and didn't eager to help him with anything.

A grandiose narcissist literally drove me away and into the arms of a vulnerable one. Pretty close to rock bottom atm 😑

from 1:50 everything about VULNERABLE narcissist, you decribed my soon to be ex wife to a perfection, until 4 days ago, i had know idea it was a thing. I always knew the "" generic "" narcissism. I can't believe it's what i spent 15 years ago with, I always saw signs but i loved her so much i always forgive her until Aug 26, 2023. when i saw everything she did in the last 5 years. she's also a shopping addict. I feel you just my last 15 years years of my life.

My god you described my situation!!!! I was with a grandiose narcissist... He had an expensive car he bought me presents, chocolates, then he started beaten me, everything was my fault I was the crazy one all the time... After 10 years I had some relationships with "normal men" until my last relationship was with a vulnerable narcissist... At first everything was beautiful, full of dreams.. no love bombing, but he also told me his pity story, he was the victim all the time, he was born dying, her mother losing a lot of blood, he was shy, unsocial, he was paranoid about the world everyone wanting to kill him, all the time listening to conspiracy theories, he was speaking about him ALL THE TIME, it was all about him, he didn't wanted to engage in a serious relationship with me...he was so arrogant, he never gave me even a hug or kisses, sometimes i would cry because of his coldness and he won't do anything. Once I remember one frase of him " I never had a family like you who worry about me and care for me" making me feel guilt for having a good family, another time he said "I hope all your family dies but I still have my father alive" Now we broke up, it's been hard but watching your videos I really feel he's a vulnerable narcissist and the best is to let go..

You nailed it! Especially the bit about those of us who were raised that our emotions were terrible and not ok to share. This jump from one type to another is so common, especially when you don't realize that sometimes the willingness to be vulnerable and share your pain with another is how you function, but someone else is not necessarily doing it like you are. So much pain from learning the long hard way that they were not like me, they were rewriting history and victimizing themselves when they were the perpetrator! Sigh.

Can people be grandiose and vulnerable narcissists? I swear my spouse is both.

This all sounds like a "runaway train" relationship with no throttle or brakes to control the locomotive on any relationship.

I have an aversion to arrogant grandiose people.

I have a friend (for about 6 months) who I knew had serious depersonalised mental health issues and adhd but never thought narc. We fell out on a trip because I called them out of certain things they’d do that would upset me ( constant monologues about themselves , zoning out disinterested whenever I’d talk - which is fine whatever but I just stopped talking about myself or voicing my opinion because I knew he couldn’t stay intrested. And I wanted to be fun on this trip! But it wasn’t we sat around and spoke about his feelings and childhood and issues all day and I was kind of doing damage control and just letting him vent all his negativity. I saw a new side of him. And when I actually offered any advice or things that could possibly help he turned on me. Called me rude and disrespectful and that I knew more about him then he did himself. I don’t know much about narcissism at all but things are starting to make sense :( I apologised profusely but he just ignored me for the rest of the time.

@bendy6626

8 ай бұрын

That sounds like someone to avoid forever 🤔

@yeahlady9366

8 ай бұрын

@@bendy6626 it sure does when I see it like this😂 I care too much and was quite happy to listen because I really like him , but I guess it can only end one way :( sad

@bendy6626

8 ай бұрын

@@yeahlady9366 He will strum your emotions like a guitar and get you singing along. You will be sad when it ends -- he will merely move on to the next victim. BTDT.

@bellaluce7088

8 ай бұрын

@@bendy6626 You're so right about them just moving on to new supply. One of the things that helped me finally leave my longtime covert narc ex-friend was seeing how she INSTANTLY recovered when some longterm friends who couldn't stand her BS anymore went no contact with her. She didn't seem to miss them at all.

Wow ! Thank you for this , it’s powerful knowledge to have , I’m in the middle of a divorce with a Grand Narc of 28 years , I’m afraid I’ll never date again . I’ve been working on myself very hard for the last 4 years .

@Yepper111

8 ай бұрын

I'm in the same boat. I'm 3/4 thru divorce it took 34 years before I figured it out. I've just started working on myself and Dr. Romani has helped me a lot. It is an eye-opening long process, but thank God I got out!

@crimestoppers1877

8 ай бұрын

Who filed?

I find life fundamentally just crazy, with how many even normal relationships that get people that act out or cheat. But it should not even be a deal with healthy people. Just wild stuff.

That’s exactly what happened to me. Married to a grandiose and she took me to town. Just got out of a covert narcissist relationship and feels like I let myself down basically. Chasing the fireworks. Its been 5 years since end of marriage and I have had several relationships but never really understood my part in narcissism and so I got trapped. I tried to rescue them and they trauma bonded me to them. My head hurts getting over this. EVERYTHING you said happened to me. Devaluation, shame, guilt, paranoia etc etc etc. cheap shots for sure. Literally I was left worn down talking for two hours on the phone when she needed therapy. I want to wait to heal but waiting another year?. I’ve been yearning for a good relationship so I’m not out dating or on dating apps but I keep my options open

This is ME! I dating this guy a year ago! Yes! I’m not a fixer by nature. He was a succubus of bottomless need. TOTALLY negative. I use to call our relationship the Ryan Show.

Have always had a strong aversion to arrogant people and grew up in a family that believed emotions/expressing any kind of feeling was wrong and DEFINITELY never came from men. So yeah… the vulnerability that was seemingly there was VERY appealing. The complaining and lack of personal responsibility, I took as “he’s not giving into toxic positivity and is able to see shit about his upbringing…” It seemed refreshing coming from a family where we just pretended everything was fine all the time. I also grew up being very attuned to the emotions and moods of the people around me as a survival mechanism. So yeah… I was primed to be the perfect “helpy” wife. It was exhausting. And I’m doing my damndest to take the full year off before attempting to enter another relationship 💜

My mother is a vulnerable narcissist. She has cancer, so I still speak with her now and then. For now, anyway. Considering what my family did between my leaving (and especially when my dad died) to now, it took work to even bring myself to talk to her. Let alone politely. Tbh, despite the whole she's dying thing, I regret it every time. It's like talking to a childish, poisonous, snake. She feigns memory problems, witholds pointless information to try to work me up, or just tries to play whatever head games her limited reach will allow. None of it is actually cancer related. She's had a selective memory forever. I think she's getting desperate now that I just don't care if she wants to see me before she dies, or even if she does live or die. But I do call her out on her 🐂💩 every single time. I don't particularly care about what anyone thinks of that either. I'd take a grandiose narcissist over a really cunning vulnerable narcissist any day. At least they're obvious. The vulnerable ones can pull off being a fun, decent, victimized, human far too well. And they really know how to milk it. With grandiose narcissists you basically just roll your eyes and keep your distance. Thanks for letting me vent. 😮‍💨

I felt called out within 30 seconds of this video starting 😂

I'd love to hear Dr. Ramani do an analysis on some fictional narcissists. As a huge Star Wars nerd, it would be really cool to see a video about Anakin's psychology

@DankstaTV

8 ай бұрын

John Malkovich's character from "In the Line of Fire" definitely strikes me as a vulnerable narcissist. As for a real-life vulnerable narcissist, Elliot Rodger. Read his manifesto and tell me that ain't a vulnerable narcissist.

My story... Mom grandiose and husband vulnerable... Soooo true

Possible that they are both, grandiose at times, vulnerable at times...high functioning bipolar 1 disorder adds a significant dynamic of switching. I took him seriously and acknowledged and had compassion for all his troubles and hardships. I finally realized they were his own choices but also normalized by his family of origin.

I had this with ONE person. She noticed that she got more supply from me when she is weak, ill,... So she slowly transformed from grandios to vulnerable

I had a vulnerable narc. I built him up and he turned into the grandios narc. He became worse doing all the things the vulnerable narc didnt. Had so much love to give and scared to love again.

I grew up with a grandiose narcissist as a parent, had my first relationship with another grandiose narcissist, was married to a vulnerable one and still have another vulnerable one in my life as a friend. I must say both types suck beyond description, but dealing with grandiose guys was easier (easier - not easy) for me psychologically, because at least most times they didn’t trigger my empathy, and I could see them for what they were (as painful and messy as it was, at least there was clarity on how bad they can go). Vulnerable guys are way trickier because it may take years before you realise that life isn’t really cruel to them, and people aren’t really cruel to them… and neither are you… but before you realise that, your health may already lie in ruin.

@nathanventry4693

8 ай бұрын

We must not forget that Narcissists use everyone in one way or another, they are only loyal to their false-self.

This is highly likely to occur if we dont process the trauma first. Going from one extreme to another. Really it is highly recommendable to get the counseling we need after narcissistic abuse in order to break of the cycle we may get trapped into. It is highly recommendable and there are several highly appreciated, licenced Professionals working on this topic. And it is affordable for anyone. Thank You Doctor. Sharing your thoughts and well earned Expertise regarding this so far underacknowledged Important Topic and Phenomena! It is very Appreciated!!

A narcissist is a narcissist. I don't want any thing to do with any of them.they runion your life

Experience has taught me that a vulnerable narcissist is the hardest to discover. With Coverts and Overt narcs you watch what they do, but with a vulnerable narcissist, you are so expertly manipulated that you need to look at your own behavior such as pleasing them, serving them, worrying about them---you lose yourself to them totally if you do not figure this out.

Ugh Dr. Ramani. . . . You just painted most of my life with my ex, an 80 percent vulnerable 20 percent grandiose. I did all of that: encouraged therapy, played therapist, turned myself inside out (until exhaustion took over). Spent the better part of 25 years faithfully tending to a terminally ill relationship. Uuuuuuuuugh . . . . #crashandburn

Oh my god, orange is your color! I love your style, when it comes to everything! You saved my friend, and you saved me! We love you, Dr. Ramini 😍🥰😘😘😘

I’ve experienced this exactly, my empathy has cost me my own health both emotionally and physically and after a diagnosis of autoimmune condition I’ve woken up. And having realized that even god can’t save such people, then who am I ? Ive relegated them to god now and I’ve humbled myself I have no resources to save anyone, and coming to that knowledge has brought me much peace.

You are so beautiful, inside and out. Orange is definitely your color! You saved my friend, and you saved me. We love you, Dr. Ramani.💖😍🥰😘😘😘

I saw the title.... The first thing that went through my head was well this will be interesting.... 😂

I’ve had a psychiatrist tell me that I’m a narcissist. What I do is that I adhere to a strict discipline of philosophy that counter reacts my instincts . I like having jobs that help people because it helps relive me of my self centered instinct. My problem is Doctor Ramani is hurting in a very effective way people like me who are self aware narcissists by saying we are near hopeless, can not change and everyone should stay away from people like me instead of trying to help the self aware and open narcissistic ones. Yes it’s wise too stay away from toxic people but this doctor is personality discriminatory.

I fell into that trap exactly,only I didn’t understand it at the time, but I’m out of both now,but you can imagine how much hovering is going on even now,after more than 5 years 🎉🔁🎭.Thanks Dr Ramani.

As I've gotten older, it's easier to see when you're aware. And life is easier single and less worries when I do hobbies and stuff, I like that makes me feel purpose without criticism about how stupid things I like to do as dumb or boring.

I did the reverse-long term relationships w a covert, then married a grandiose. I tend to overcorrect 😅

In my situation, nothing ever made them happy.

I low-key want to be a narcissist because my life is tough and need to be selfish to make it

My situation is very different from this situation (I have not been in a relationship in a very, very long time). I need a video on non-romantic relationship narcissists.

My ex was so envious, even when ourbdog was happy to see me... I learned over time, painfully, that he would be triangulating in every situation, and if i didnt join in and pile on the victim, he would then flip it, and get them to turn on me.... amazingly sad how often he succeeded in that....

That is my mother. My father was grandiose and arrogant. After they divorced, she got into another trauma bonding with the opposite type of unhealthy man 😟

You just described my past two relationships to a "T"!

Words from a vulnerable narc when asked to get support for their emotions or whatever they haven't healed from in childhood was he can switch them all off. In other words ain't doing anything, avoidance and continue to damage good relationships even with our child. Heartbreaking!

As someone whos autistic and tbh just insane in a lot of ways, and was raised by two autistic people masking their autism with narcissism, its really hard to know whether im a narcissist or if im just still in relationships with narcissists. Or if im in relationships with narc enablers!!! All these people do similar toxic things because narcissism isnt just one person its a whole system. My partner is so positive and yet very vulnerable, its like they never listen to me and even when they do it doesnt actually make me feel listened to its like its all a performance. But then im like is it their addiction or is it their personality???? How am i supposed to know until they recover which they keep lying about

I waited more than a year between between my ex-husbands, but I didn't really know about narcissism between them. I was also a rescuer, so I definitely felt like I was helping him and saw him as completely different from the former.

It's taken me almost 18 years to really see it, but like ... yeah, this is a laundry list of the problems I've been having with my best friend.

You are seriously awesome! Thank you so much!