You will have to get radical with it. Its either you continue like that, or, stay trapped for the rest of your life. Either you find a way to shine or let the shadows swallow you. I don't blame you to not want get out there. but you want to have some fun outside bro. we all do. you can do it bro. you dont have to feel down because your past is heavy. keep going but give it a real shot. You are already bold enough to put yourself out there. which is a lot for the majority of us. You got it bro. Just find your thing and do it.