I'm almost 51, overweight, losing my hair, and have a couple of missing teeth. I'm so glad I don't base my self regard on my outer beauty! I'm a good person, a good mama, and try to make my little corner of the world a better place.

When looking around actually the polar opposite lifts me up. I look for the beautiful parts in every single person. There is always something to be admired. Then it seems very unlikely, that I'm the only one, who only consists of flaws

@konichiwaUT

Жыл бұрын

I love this ☺️

@blondie9909

Жыл бұрын

Yesss! I found that looking for the positives in others helps a lot in being more positive to yourself. Not just looks wise , when u notice and compliment others on their strengths u really get out of that hateful introspective view , instead of thinking me me me and thinking negatively you are actively appreciating everything else around you so your eyes are turned to a bright world instead of a dark mind you know?

I love this. I was raised that my beauty was all I had to offer. I've been sexually harassed my whole life because of the way I look. I wish everyone could just "see past it" ❤️

@tinaperez7393

Жыл бұрын

Just don't wear makeup. 😂🤣😂 And if you don't wear makeup, just don't look as attractive as you do. There are always things people can do to look less attractive. You must not be doing those things. And it sends the wrong messages. I was trying to be funny by being sarcastic and using those horrible old sexist "answers" but I can't keep it up. Sexual harassment and unwanted attention from guys is terrible, no joke, and too hard to make fun of (too hard for me anyway,). It comes out of nowhere, throws you in the moment at best, and at worst, makes you feel unsafe now and in the future, wondering how worse things will get, and it can feel like you're at jeopardy of losing your job and other things you need and want if you don't handle it just right, etc. It can be just so scary and unnerving. I don't know your situation (if it's a battle you can't fight and win - like a police station call desk job where that specific station has a toxic male idiot sexist mysogynistic culture and there's no escaping it - this was a friend of mine's situation and she had to find another job. She was married, wore a ring, NEVER "invited" attention, but got told to do completely inappropriate things for the guys by the guys straight to her face all day every day - by married guys, single guys, it didn't matter. Of course she rebuffed them and complained to HR but it didn't matter and never stopped. And HR was probably one of those guys too. But basically always wear the "bitch face" (that's what the girls at my gym feel they always have to do) and ignore their comments unless absolutely necessary or simply say that's not okay and move on to something else immediately, walk away if possible. Or, I don't know, sometimes there's nothing or it's a losing battle. - like my friend who the only solution for was to get another job. But it's like there's no job that guarantees you won't still run into this. I guess women have to just try to get out of the worst ones if they can and hope for the best in another job. But that's hardly an answer either. And if we can, it's good to stand up to bullies because that's what they are and sometimes that works especially if you make yourself the bigger bully and they don't see you as easy prey anymore. But again so many times nothing helps and it shouldn't be up to the female to have to try to stop someone's else's behavior and I really don't know and am not an expert in how to get others to quit bad behavior except to tell them it's not okay and or just not give them any response or reaction cuz often any reaction (even bad) validates their ego and need for attention, etc. Ugh. There's no good answers to this. Eh, you've also probably and hopefully developed some strategies to help deflect, avoid or deal with it too, but yeah, there's no good answers and it would be great if no one had to feel they had to try to develop strategies in the first place.

@brittanywilcox7377

Жыл бұрын

@@tinaperez7393 honestly it happens when I'm just out in public minding my own business. Or for example, when I moved and one of my roommates got drunk and held me down on the couch and tried to kiss me. I told the home owner the next day and packed my shit and left. He screamed at that guy and kicked him out. I've been stalked. Just yesterday I was picking up an order (I do Uber eats delivery) and the customer texted me, saying I was hot and gonna get a big tip. I wasn't about to get murdered in some psycho's basement, so I told him he was being inappropriate, cancelled the delivery, and called support. He had violated their community standards so I'm pretty sure he's blocked from the app. I dress down. I don't wear makeup. My hair is in a bun. I get approached like bugs to a zapper. I'm not small either!!! I'm almost 6' and built like a brick house!!! You'd think they'd be afraid I would stomp them 😂. But it's relentless and ongoing. These examples are mild. I have very traumatic experiences I don't want to post here. But I don't know why men think they can just act fucking creepy because they find me attractive. It's like I bring out their worst side simply because I exist and it's no way to live

@Bluebell2683

Жыл бұрын

The Tina girls comment is victim blaming. It’s not your responsibility or fault no matter what when ppl harass you. If you feel the vibes are off, trust your gut and don’t worry about being polite or second guessing whether you are over reacting or over thinking things and remove yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable. This doesn’t make it your fault btw. But what helped me is just when I stopped caring about being polite. Don’t be polite to men when you feel something is off. Don’t second guess yourself. The minute you feel uncomfortable- immediately find a way to leave or get out of the Situation if possible. That is what helped me. You don’t need to dress down. What ppl wear has nothing to do with harassment- that’s victim blaming. You would need to learn how to be ok not being polite though ❤because you’ll never be able to remove yourself from things early or set firm boundaries early if your trying to be polite They will always try to manipulate you into not being able to remove yourself without it being “rude”. They rely on our desire to be polite or nice l. Be “rude” once you don’t trust them. Best wishes ❤

@tinaperez7393

Жыл бұрын

@@Bluebell2683 omg. No. Did you read my whole comment? That's absolutely not what I was doing although I was making fun of victim blaming in the first few sentences and said as much. You must not have read the whole comment. Thanks for that. 😠

@ariellak4867

Жыл бұрын

@@Bluebell2683 I thought Tina's comment was too at first, but if you keep reading, she was being sarcastic in the first part. I think she was trying to show how ridiculous it is. The rest of the comment has a totally different tone.

I feel insecure because I feel generally behind in life. I'm almost 26, and feel like there are so many things I don't know that I should know, because people around me my age already do. I feel like I'm creating an external pressure on myself and giving myself anxiety to hurry up, but what for? This video helps me bring the focus back onto me and past versions of myself, but it's a lot easier said than done

@Bones97000

Жыл бұрын

As a 25 year old who just left what I thought would be a lifelong career to go work an entry-level job I totally feel you on that front. Be gracious with yourself and know that everybody’s pace is different. You’ve got a whole life ahead of yourself, so don’t rush. Enjoy the little things and just don’t ever stop learning. 😊

@probsnooneyouknowtbh3712

Жыл бұрын

22, but I feel the same way about being "behind" and not having done things that I "should have done by now." What I try to remind myself that everyone is an individual and we're all on our own time lines. So someone accomplished something earlier than you, okay, good for them. But *you're not them,* so what's that got to do with you, ya know?

@tetankaluv

Жыл бұрын

I have felt behind ever since I was in college, pretty much. I've felt a lot like a child. While other people were getting jobs, and sexual partners, and a driver's license, and a place of their own, I had none of those things by 27. I had other things, but nothing to scratch off that basic to-do list of life. This led to depression, especially because as a child I was a pretty good student, pretty effortlessly, and everybody kept telling me how I was gonna be a famous artist, and here I was now, lagging behind, "doing nothing with my life". May I just give you guys some hope? While I'm still "behind" on some of those things, I've come to realize how little it matters really. I have a pretty good life. What does it matter that it doesn't match that stupid, old-fashioned to-do list? It might take a while, but you'll probably grow out of that feeling. I'm much happier now at 34.

@alisonbarlow7836

Жыл бұрын

I relate to this so much.

@nevamoore5192

Жыл бұрын

27 and I feel the same

When I'm feeling insecure, I just think about the positive character traits and talents that I have, and focus on how I've changed for the better. Like you said "compare yourself to who you were yesterday." Sometimes, though, I need a loved one to remind me of the good things I have to offer because I sometimes lose focus on the positive

I used to be a more insecure person, who often went into insecure thought spirals. But I have grown into thinking, 'I know, I am a good person, and that is what matters.' And I think, that is where my confidence comes from. It's not about being good or bad at something, getting good grades, accomplishments, looks. It is about treating others well and trying to be a better version of me, and live according to my values and principles. But also being satisfied with who I am now, and knowing that I matter to people, and can help others or at least make their days better.

And... Watch movies! Oh sh*t, wait, wrong channel!😂☀🧡

When I feel insecure or stupid, I listen to my feel-good playlist of music and pretend to be super happy. Years ago that wouldn't have worked for me, but now that my body seems to have reclaimed the ability to produce the happy hormones, that works pretty well. Pretending to be happy eventually tricks myself into actually being happy. It's weird, but as long as it works I'll do it.

@missnaomi613

Жыл бұрын

This works with faking laughter, as well! (I learned this in a Laughter Yoga class years ago.) The physical benefits manifest, regardless of whether it was genuine or not. Fascinating...

Thank you for this. I was raised with my parents comparing to EVERYONE about EVERYTHING (a common thing for Asian parents especially) - looks. manners, my parents still being married, etc. I was able to break myself of doing that (mostly), but still struggle with finding healthy ways to think of my good parts or relating to others.

@tinaperez7393

Жыл бұрын

It's a common behavior in cultures and families who've experienced issues of poverty and threats to survival - which, if any of us are doing well, we're all just a few generations away from. Children of immigrants are often just the first generation away from that and if none of us are aware of this stuff, we adopt those same fear based attitudes and behaviors and it has a multiple trans generational trauma effect. Where attitudes and behaviors of trauma (in this case the trauma of survival) are passed on and repeated through the next generations even though the initial conditions might not be there anymore.

@domenceuspriest

Жыл бұрын

@@tinaperez7393 Great explanation, thank you! Intergenerational trauma is so difficult to deal with - most people I know aren't able to get to a healthy place with the parents because they just aren't able to get there (including myself), and instead have to go NC/LC to heal and break the cycles.

As someone who struggles a lot with insecurity, I also just don't think this therapist's advice is very practical. If I'm feeling insecure, I will find a way to see everyone else as better than me. I will feel like the ugliest / least intelligent / worst person in the room. Trying to find people that are worse than me will likely just lead to me confirming those feelings, as my brain will just tell me "no one could be worse right now." Your statement of comparison stealing joy is really apt in that way. Your suggestion of serving people is often how I overcome my insecurity. By helping someone else I see that I do offer something to the world and can convince myself that I have worth again. But I've been working a lot more recently on trying to remember that worth is inherent and not something that I need to constantly prove to myself. I think the core of overcoming insecurity is believing that your worth is inherent and that even when things come along that are challenging or even when you are not at your best, that inherent worth doesn't change. It's a really tough message to convince myself of, but therapy has been helping!

My sister often compares her skills as an artist and a writer to mine, even though I'm almost 10 years older than her. When she does this, she tends to put her art down. When I could tell that words weren't reaching her, I dragged out my old drawings from middle school and high school. I remember being so proud of them when I drew them but comparing them to where my skills are now, they're a little embarrassing. but it really drove the point home that I didn't magically start drawing well and that her "super artistic big sister" started where she did

If I just feel general insecure I make myself list 3 things that I like about myself and if I catch myself saying something self deprecating then I make myself repeat the opposite 3 time for example if I say I call myself stupod then I make myself repeat 3 times that I'm smart

@missnaomi613

Жыл бұрын

This is gold! Thank you for sharing the idea!

Growing up and through young adulthood dealing with extreme low self esteem, comparing myself to others and making myself feel better by comparing myself to people who I thought I was “better” or “prettier” than.. that is how I subconsciously coped with my own crippling insecurities. It took a realizing that I subconsciously did that for me to stop and try to change the way I thought. Looking back, it only heightened my insecurities and made me a worse person for putting others down. I’m in a much healthier mindset now and agree with this video that worth is not relative. I had to work hard to flip my mindset and definitely am more full of love and less trapped by insecurities when I stop comparing and just appreciate every person for the beautiful human being they are.

This reminds me of what I've told friends, and anyone that keeps seeing themselves as ugly: to look for something they like about themselves, whether physical, talents, anything; and then use that to find more. Build on it. I don't know if they ever did it, but it's one piece of advice I've tried to follow too.

I was bullied as a kid. My mum told me they only did it, because I was better than them (they were bad at school, has problems at home ect.). Smugness is one way of looking at it, but I think of it as Karma, that those who wronged me, now is paying the price of choosing to be mean instead of excelling in school

I sometimes use a version of this in a healthy way - but usually it's looking at other people who may be flawed, but who I and others in my life value and respect, and that I don't think any less of them for those differences. Then I try to apply that same metric to myself and remember if that's how I see others then very likely other people see the value and worth in me too

In UK we pronounce the poem as Dare-ease-err-ah-ta. It's a brilliant poem and often folks like it at their funerals here.

As someone who tends to tie my happiness to winning (not always, but it's one tendency), I relate to Alisha so much here! I've been trying really hard to channel the competitiveness into positive things, but it's a work in progress

Yeah, comparison just ruined me and the wrong way. I am just depressed and in a low point.

Progress makes me feel good.

the worst advice a therapist has given me in regard to self esteem was when i was 15 and i told her i hated so many parts of my physical self, she goes “well just wait til you’re 18 and just get surgery to get rid of everything you hate, they have surgery for everything”. luckily i was a very self aware teen and didn’t take it seriously

I love these videos so much. Could you at some point do a video on the sibling relationships in gravity falls?

Idk if this is a healthy way but I say to myself that I can't be that ugly or horrible because I've had some relationships and I have family and friends who love me. And honestly life is so much easier when you give a crap about the opinion of others. I'm a little overweight, have a gab between my front teeth and a double chin. I find my reflection in the mirror okay. I can't trade this body anyway. So why bother?

great video! And I really can't believe how on earth a therepist would give such a crappy advice... Well, my mother always compared us children, to our respective sister, to other kids, compared our shool grades, amount and "quality" of books we read etc. It was all just numbers, and so damaging on top. I still deep down inside like worthyness and respect must always be gained, and if I fail in that (which I feel I do) I'm not worthy of respect and yet alone love. (I'M working on it, since decades, but it's just such a core expereince... I can almost start to see that it is messed up, intelectually, but I can't yet feel it. Digression closed and sorry for it). Your kids are so lucky to have parents knowing it better and giving them much healthier perspecitives. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope other parents are here watching this and taking it to heart. Great quote! I'll have to remember that. All that reminds me of that image of a fish who get blamed because it is bad at climbing threes, and imaging what a happy fish it could be if only it got the chance to shine in it's swimming skill. For a healthy way to cope with my insecurity, I'm afraid I haven't found one yet. Not yet reached that state of recovery I guess. I't just great to see how wholesome both of you are, each one for himself, only topped by how you are as a couple and as parents. Stay like that :)

I do it always, but subconsciously, and always in the other directio "he/she is so much better than me, why cant I be good in anything". I know it is bad, I know it logically^^

Ahhh! I love this so much!!! I am studying to become a therapist and am already comparing myself to others who I think are or will be better therapists than I can ever be. My antidote, which I used as a singer, performer, and music teacher, lies in two mantras. The first is, "Believe in yourself relentlessly," and the second is, "The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang best." In other words, even if what we have to give isn't the absolute best, it still has worth. As for the first mantra, it's really just a mindset more than anything else.

It is very hard not to compare yourself, I definitely needed to see this video

There is a thing you keep mentioning in your videos, that’s you tied your value to xxxxx, how can I know what I tied my value with? I’m feeling losing myself, I thought I’m seeking for connection, but that shouldn’t be the thing makes me feel me as a human

When I'm feeling insecure, I usually remember other times I've felt that way and managed to get through that situation, and that usually helps. Being a bit more observant helps me too, for example trying to find the right word for the blue colour on someone's dress, or to describe the furniture or shapes and patterns around me. It gets me out of my own head a bit, and sometimes, that's all I need to feel less weird.

Love this!! 💗

When I feel insecure, especially about something physical, I look for people who have that trait that I find attractive or awesome. When I was super down on myself for my bit of muffin top I would seek out images of people I found physically beautiful who had that as well. If I find them attractive and they have that then I don't need to feel bad about mine. This method has worked for me for a myriad of traits whether they be physical, mental, or emotional.

thank you 💖

Thank you < 3 This video is so warm and feels so nice.

As a neurodivergent I learned early in Special ED instead comparison we celebrate our victories.

Great video

@Alicia I love that you memorized the words to Desiderata as a tween! I totally did that too! Along with a couple of choice poems from some Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books like "If" by Ruyard Kipling. I thought I was the only one who did stuff like that! I also really love that Jonathan was hesitant to date Alicia because of her beauty. That is very refreshing to hear actual examples of putting inner beauty above outer beauty. I am someone who was fairly attractive in my teens and twenties, but I have lost some of that conventional attractiveness due to weight gain and age. It is something that I have personally struggled with as other people my age have maintained or become more conventionally attractive as I have declined. It is easy to say beauty is on the inside, but it is hard to really believe in practice. I find it very encouraging to know that inner beauty is more prized than outer beauty in your relationship. Thank you for these positive videos that help me find healthier perspectives on the world around me. Keep shining your lights!

I'm so happy to have watched this. As an insecure person who compares myself to others often, I think I need to stamp this on my forehead. 😂 This advice is really going to be a life changer for me.

Isn't even talking yourself "there are things I'm better at then others, and things other ppl are better at" still comparing yourself? I don't know, I guess I feel there needs to be a change in perspective of what worth is

When I'm insecure, I am initially at an angry place where I think about life being short and that I only got myself so I really need to stand behind myself. And then I slowly work on the things within my control like hygeine or exercise and then when I feel like I've done my best then the rest can f off... Ok maybe not that angrily. It's more like "I'm having such a great time like... I'm just happy!"

I think social media fosters more comparison, competition and insecurity in our culture than anything else. Instead of just comparing yourself to the people in your life, now you can compare yourself to EVERYONE in the WORLD. 🤯 I’ve had to setup strong boundaries on social media, because too much of it quickly feeds my negative and insecure thoughts. If you struggle with insecurities like I do (and like ALL of us do, let’s be real), I strongly recommend taking a hard look at how much time you spend on social media.

Lmao 🤣😂😆😂🤣 my type of stuff omj

Hehe, can you stare at her head any harder XD Ahh, wonderful advice, as always! I love watching these, it has really helped me how to People and act like a person.

❤️

❤❤❤

deh-SEE-deh-RAH-tah is the pronunciation you're looking for. :)

Look at the ugliest person in the room when I am insecure? But I didn't bring a mirror.

“Revenge digs two graves…” Comparison with others Applies similar #haiku #comparison #Confuciusquotes

@hwizell7478

Жыл бұрын

I live in a place where there’s a high percentage of overachievers in creative arts and sports Sooner or later you will bear witness to this narrow life window closing to the next level The people around you make all the difference in how that transition goes You both are always on point Thanks for sharing your learned wisdom

🥺🫶🏻♥️🙏🏻

But what if you literally can't find people uglier than you! 😩😫😩 I even joined Trolls Under a Bridge Anonymous. For this very purpose. And nope. It's still me. 🤔😫😩😭

I am ugly. And I don't care.

This didn't help me, cause "theif of joy" how? I didn't feel that was explained to me how that makes sense. Or her poem "comparing makes u vain and bitter cause there will always someone better"....umm gee thanks great to know

@byuftbl

Жыл бұрын

“Thief of joy” means of you constantly compare yourself to others, you won’t be happy because you will always find someone who might be better at things than you or better looking than you.

I disagree with you guy's. It is not about hot or comparing. It is about unconditional love. If your family never point on your weaknesses you would not have any insecurities. They have to love you for who you are. My face looks as ugly as the ass. I still question myself how did I get married? The is no joy to get taken away. It is easy for you to say because you are attractive.

I know this is a mental health channel but are you completely going to deny that beauty standards exist? Pretty Privilege is a thing and lookism is everywhere . This is just Toxic positivity you're spreading

@yellowfruitchocker9879

Жыл бұрын

I don't think his message is toxic. It is the perspective of always judging the looks of others and yourself that actually harms your confidence and mental health...or others.

Love this. I’ve been struggling with body dysmorphia lately. I’m not the smartest, not very athletic, have some skills in certain areas but nothing praise worthy. Most of my life people commented on my “beauty”. I heard it so much I attached my value to my attractiveness. Now when I see a flaw, my mind zones in on it and doesn’t let it go. If I go out and people don’t glance at me I think I’m not pretty enough to be looked at. It’s honestly very disturbing how my brain has attached itself to vanity. Something I plan to work on in therapy (starting soon 🥲). This video was a great start. Thank you ❤️