Thanks for an honest and raw video as always. The exercise of balancing between connection and isolation is similar to many other seemingly conflicting needs we have as humans. I believe our traumatized minds magnify the extremity with our black-and-white thinking because our arrested developmental part is not geared to handle life's complexity. If we re-label isolation as "self-connection", maybe that creates a different perspective. We all want connections to other beings and to ourselves, in various degrees, and in some formats that hopefully are acceptable in the social construct we live in. Some of us are keener on defining or following the format than others (e.g. friendship, romantic, long-term partnership, etc.). Those agreed formats help us to set boundaries, and provide a level of safety and certainty in the very uncertain and chaotic world we live in. After going through that misguided process as you described, trying to secure a partner to end loneliness, then ending up in a more lonely state, I believe the task shifted to a more present state of connection. If I am alone, am I connected to myself enough? Is my self-connection secure enough to form actual safety within me? When I am out there with others, am I truly connected with them as myself? Are these connections offering me safety and meeting the needs to be seen and understood as me? As I heal I feel less restricted by the social construct and format, because I trust myself to set boundaries more than using a construct to create false certainty. It is an illusion we ever have control over those who agreed on the relationship format with us. All we have is this moment and how I actually feel (connection or the lack of) with myself and the others. I do find it hard to keep anyone who had a connection with my past self. And then dating app is a completely different story. It is a tool. It is a commercial product designed for a very specific commercial objective. It is not designed for connection actually. So I am not surprised on how awful we feel when we use it and think it is the gateway for connection.

@evitapkcoaching

2 ай бұрын

What a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. Pinning this 💜

@chiaravischi

Ай бұрын

Great Comment!! Comments like that contain the seed of Self Healing !!! Thank you !

@Honey_the_star

18 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing. You’ve affirmed the thought of just taking it one day at a time. Being present and forgiving yourself for putting yourself in hurtful positions in the past. My perspective has also shifted to realising the freedom that comes with being alone. I could change my mind about a career/trip without the strong hold of responsibilities for a partner or family (Although, it would be nice to have a partner that supports that). The point is, there are less variables to consider when alone. Also, what a privilege it is to be free😊.

@chocolate3407

18 күн бұрын

@@Honey_the_star Precisely. Once I am ready to be alone (with myself) and learn to appreciate that space and freedom, it is very sweet. It is a process and doesn't come naturally. I am glad I came to that point.

Yes, we are conditioned for success, status and hierarchy, not for love and certainly not for feeling. unconscious human robots

you should write a book

You put into words exactly what I have been thinking. I am a 69 yr old. I have had very hurtful and lonely marriages. I have not had a date since 2006. The analysis of potential costs, benefits, and risks is heartbreaking to me. In the Bible there is a woman named Leah. I relate so much with her. I try to understand and explain this to myself in my head and I am still confused.

@gstar1229

2 ай бұрын

Wow..this is gold.❤

I really want to isolate- it is unlike me and such a draw

can you please create a video on those of us that have since childhood done everything the right way (behaved, excellent grades, perfect college major) just to seek the love and approval from our father. Not really because he never loved us but because hes the only one in the family that does and you dont want to lose that. Now as adults away from our fathers, we realize we are not ourselves and living a life that our father wanted. On top of that, our love relationships dont work out because unconsciously we are still running this cycle of seeking approval. we never got final approval from our fathers because technicially we can still do something wrong that will cause our fathers to disaprove of us... fear that everything good we've done will just be erased. Can you tell us the steps to heal, and also how to start taking charge of our lives and choosing what WE want in life despite the fear of dissaproval. Thank you❤

How much more failing can we endure? Well it might be nearly forever. I've accepted it that I am very choosy and must have certain things right. And I would rather be alone that with someone just lacking in those certain areas. I can make friends that are the casual and slightly distant types if I must. Living alone and loving it is not all a bad thing.

Hello, I'm 62 year old Australian male, twice divorced. I'm currently not in a relationship with anybody. I feel exactly your conversation. Fed up with apps, and social medial head space. Readjusting to single existance. Have cravings for female company. Really not totally for sex at all. I sometimes just looking for a level of closeness.