I don't understand why going no contact is so hard for people.. It guves ypu multiple things. If you feel the need for Revenge it gives you that. If you feel the need for validation it gives you that. If you simply want peace and to move on it gives you that... So many things can be accomplished by simply ignoring them 🤷‍♂️

Taking back all of my individuality this year after being called "bad", "unchristian", "weird", ... for having a strong personality 🤦🏻‍♀️

10 years no contact and then I got a hoover over social media. I laughed my head off at the insanity and stayed no contact. Thanks for your videos.

"I know you like it long." This was already an excellent start

He can cognitive dissonance all he wants, he's blocked and he's staying blocked end of!

Left my ex narc BF 7 yrs ago. Absolutely no contact was my mantra. Blocked him on social media. After 7 yrs up pops a Facebook instant message from him. When I saw that face in the circle I immediately swiped it away WITHOUT reading the message; and went to my settings. Somehow he managed to read my Facebook page where I had posted about my new grandson. I re blocked him. The next day I got 3 hang up calls in a row from him. Now THATS the true narc reacting to my rejection!!

Next time my narcissist brother returns with a hoover I'll say, "You could not live with your failures, so where did that lead you? Back to me."

After I realized how he really was, coupled with the fact this was not a serious relationship, I thought it was best for me to not get further entangled. I was making excuses when he called wanting to get together. Even though he was very nasty, I felt bad making up lies. So at one point I simply said I don’t think I can be intimate with you again, I like to be treated in a different way. I was not mad at him or anything, I just saw that who he really is, is not who he was when he first approached. Instead of appreciating my honesty, he instead came back with an insult about my body. I could have said some very mean things back, but I sort of ignored the comment instead. He approached a really nice person, and although not my type, I was willing to see what he was all about. He started tearing me down right away, and the whole thing was very perplexing. Eighteen months later, I still miss talking to him, but some things are better left in the past. Just like you said, once you shut them down they make it like they are ending it, not you. I ended it, but he needed to get that last insult in to make me feel like I was not even good enough.

When I didn't take the Hoover he had a narcissist injury, and got worser on drugs and I heard he is out on the streets on drugs.

There are some disordered people who have the behavior of of NPD or BPD, but they do not hoover after a rage or do it years later. This would imply that the relationship was more transactional than emotional. They simply don't need you or you were replaced and that there never was any real attachment. I read somewhere that the permanent, abrupt ending with no hoover is more the likely the behavior a psychopath, as opposed to a narcissist or borderline. Businesses that fire non-performing employees seldom call them back. Could it be that many human relationships are this cold and empty.

Conclusion : the narcissist likes you when you have nothing to do with them 😅

Any hoover attempt would be an insult, and would be ignored.

Perfectly explained. They create the story as they go along, and when the play needs to shift to a different ending , they know how to project so that they leave looking blameless, the victim, so that they can continue on serving their ego through others, whilst avoiding themselves, and responsibility at all costs.

Narcissism is being taught in the west as the new norm. I was tortured by psychopath narcissist. Your videos help so much with my own objects therapy. I could give a crap about the narcissist I’m free from that, but I do need to get some of the deep stains they left on my perception of self gone. Thank you for all the free therapy lessons.

Thank You very much Professor Vaknin. After decades of mental and emotional and sometimes physical abuse from my angry mother and entitled sibling, I am relieved to know how to respond. No contact is the only answer. My husband was physically and emotionally abusive as well. Their hoovers failed. I feel stronger. Thank You. I watch your videos everyday. You are truly inspiring and your videos strengthen us all.

You should have millions of followers because this information is gold!

That, sir, was the most accurate, articulate explanation of what goes on in the mind of the Narcissist. If people understood that, they would know what they are up against and cut the BS about how they could change, misguided sympathy or empathy, etc... I have watched your videos for years and as a child of a paternal Narcissist, I have been healed a great deal through your insight. Bravo Sam, I believe your "quickie" was the best nugget of wisdom yet. ;) Thank you.

Your videos have been literally life saving. They got me out of a very dangerous narc going psychopathic when I remained calm, set boundaries, & just would not allow myself to be manipulated anymore. It still took me about 2 weeks to get out of the household. But again- had to leave yet another property to get us both out. Once in they do not like to continue to have respectful or kind behavior. They will not leave ever. The abuse escalates but they refuse to be “ abandoned “ .

Thank you professor.

I got a card for Valentines from him quoting "always on my mind".