I also think that limerance happens because you can't accept that this person isn't interested, because it's too painful to face. So you lie to yourself to avoid feeling the pain of rejection.

My ex was exactly this way, he dump me after 3 years of relationships out of no where. And he has all the avoidant behaviour. Discard a a blessing in disguise 🙏❤️

@dr.beckyspelman

19 күн бұрын

Sorry to hear this. Can I clarify he had limerence towards you and then discarded you later?

You're the only person that explains exactly what happened to me out of thousands of videos and almost a year of searching. She was just a friend that I unexpectedly developed feelings for even though she has a boyfriend. so we didn't even have a relationship. Then I also discovered she's a covert narcissist playing games with everyone which made it worse cuz I still felt like I loved her even though I knew I couldn't be with her even if she wanted to be with me. She was totally absent really told me no feelings of thoughts at all so it was all one-sided and lemons on my part I guess, but I'm still so angry at her for at least not being nice to me about it after I tried to tell her what I was feeling. she just got passive aggressive and then discarded me over a little comment I made.

@dr.beckyspelman

20 күн бұрын

That’s so much, I’m glad you felt I described it accurately. Thanks for sharing your story.

@aldobottle937

20 күн бұрын

@@dr.beckyspelman it is a little more complicated than that but I'm already annoying like five of my friends that I'm sure are tired of hearing about her so I have to let it go, now that I think I know what the lesson was🙂🤍

@aldobottle937

20 күн бұрын

@@dr.beckyspelman I just resent the fact it took me till 62 to discover I was a victim of narcissistic abuse why my mother and others and my whole life I thought it was ADHD,anxiety, OCD, codependence, PTSD. Now I discover all of those things are caused from narcissist abuse. It's so strange and ironic that a person with this so-called love addiction never actually gets to have a relationship or sex because I only pick the wrong ones😁

Limerance sounds like an Irish term...what better person to discuss this than a irish accented .. attractive woman🎉

@dr.beckyspelman

18 күн бұрын

Haha

The excruciating part is when she's clearly not interested.. except sometimes she is. Getting through the limerence phase was hard enough and it involved swallowing some big pills that hurt going down. But eventually I could accept that we weren't right for each other and start healing. Then I would get a text. And then I couldn't say no because how could I? Maybe she'd actually changed her mind. So we would go out and have a night together. And it would verge on divinity. It would be everything I could have ever hoped for out of this life. Maybe this would even continue for a couple of weeks and I would be elated. But then inevitably we would hit some invisible brick wall. She would stop responding. Stop reciprocating. Hard reject me. I would have to come to terms with the fact that my love for her is in fact nonreciprocal and whatever happened before wasn't real. We aren't right for each other after all and I need to try to move on. And so I would. And it hurt. But eventually.. after months of struggling with that I would start to get over her again. And then I would get a text. I know that she has her own demons and I don't want to assume malice because I really don't think it is.. but I've been on and off with this girl who I have poured my heart out to for 5 years. It's always her rejecting me, hurting me, ignoring me and then eventually saying "hey"

@dr.beckyspelman

20 күн бұрын

It’s particularly difficult when the limerence is directed towards someone who gives you mixed messages.

@Avzigoyhbasilsikos

17 күн бұрын

Tell her how you feel about it all if she comes back again this sounds horrendous

@mfgplima

7 сағат бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story... I'm living Limerence for one year and a half, and I always thought that this could have gone to an end IF he had talked to me, answered my messages (and i keep messaging him all this time, and he keeps no answering), if he had been kind and not totally indifferent. But reading your narrative, I think if eventually the silence of the other person is not better for our healing process... I need more information about this horrible emotional disease because I'm still looking for the healing tools... Thank you, @dr.beckyspelman , that is the first time I hear a real good explanation about what is happening to me.

​Dr.beckyspelman , thank you so much for this video! Its the first time I hear a perfect explanation about what is going on with me for one year and a half... Please, I need to hear and/or read more about that. Do you have videos or books about the healing tools? Or could you please recommend some? I never thought I would live such a strong and long period of obsession, and that is too much and unnecessary suffering... And I'm especially interested about something you told responding someone here: About limerent people been themselves unavailable or avoidant. I never thought this could fit to me, but I've heard that sometimes and always rejected this idea... Thank you for all... 🙏🏻

Well explained. Thank you, Dr ❤

Wow this is very helpful 💎🙏🏻🗽

@dr.beckyspelman

20 күн бұрын

Oh thanks so much. I’m glad you think so.

Jesus Dr. , you can't just call me out like that! 😂...*sighs*

@dr.beckyspelman

20 күн бұрын

Haha

So if the partner B was toxic and gradually leaking traits of narcissism, was partner A ever feeling real love, or were they pulled into limerence until B stopped love bombing and A realized something isn't right here? If B is adept at grooming for supply can A trust themselves to know the difference in the future?

@dr.beckyspelman

21 күн бұрын

Great question. It will become evident that it’s a trauma bond pretty soon in to it,

@hradecky9855

20 күн бұрын

​I wish there was a "Toxic w/High Narcissism Traits" registry​@@dr.beckyspelman to save empaths time and allow us to focus on where we can be givers safely. 😢

What would you say about anxious attachment and getting attached to someone very quickly? Its like everythings going well and is two sided equal interest, but when my attachment consumes me i become more delusional and its harder to guage if they are drifting away or if they are still interested.. There are natural ebbs and flows in life and getting to know a person, Letting go and trusting the process is what i try to do.. But at the same time i can notice that my emotions become intense sometimes too quickly.. And I wonder if this actually sabatages the connection.. How can one avoid getting attached quickly.. ? And what are some clear cut signals that the person is not interested anymore ?

This is insightful, where can I learn more, books, videos, etc? Thank you ❤

@mfgplima

7 сағат бұрын

I need that too.. it's the first time I hear a good explanation about what's happening to me for so long... now o need the healing tools, I need to stop this emotional disease.

Is Limerance not fun, sort of, too? Natalie Lue's books seemed interesting and quite amusing calling out of The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship. Some of it is laugh out loud funny self exposure. The author reveals something interesting that always going for Mr/Ms Unavailable is actually a projection of how unavailable the Limerant is. Lovely video, so skillfully orated ; )

@dr.beckyspelman

20 күн бұрын

Thanks I’m so glad you thought I presented the information well. The enjoyment part of limerence is usually short lived so I don’t think most sufferers would describe it as fun as its enjoyment is usually met with so much pain. You are right the limerent people is usually avoidant in terms of true intimacy.

@mfgplima

7 сағат бұрын

​@@dr.beckyspelman, thank you so much for this video! Its the first time I hear a perfect explanation about what is going on with me for one year and a half... Pease, I need to hear and/or read more about that. Do you have videos or books about the healing tools? Or could you please recommend some? I never thought I would live such a strong and long period of obsession, and that is too much and unnecessary suffering... And I'm especially interested about something you told responding someone here: About limerent people been themselves unavailable or aviidant. I never thought this could fit to me, but I've heard that sometimes and always rejected this idea... Thank you for all... 🙏🏻

I never get to have those conversations. 😢

@dr.beckyspelman

18 күн бұрын

Hi thanks for your comment, what type of conversations.

Have more videos on obsession and red flags for domestic situations to avoid

But what is it that triggers the limerence? For me, first sight...didn't even have a conversation. And over a few years, we just clicked. We felt it. Now not together. I'm trying to let go of the attachment...but the bottom line is, what was it that one moment in time that turned it all on?

So there's this one guy I'm obsessed over and it's so hurting he doesn't even know the funny thing is I'm so limerent with him that he appears in my dreams non stop 😭 also I sent him insta request and sob sob he didn't accept now I'm obsessed with the point that every time like I'm stalking his profile man he seems even so red flag my intuition but it's familiar yk the generational trauma so like every time one follower get reduce from his followers and also from following you guys I'm obsessed to this point then what I think he's already in relationship with someone and they're having a problem of their own like with his gf now poor me it's painful that he won't be mine like it's someone is pinning me with needles I so brutally want him I even prayed for the insta request but still ahhh it's so painful and like it's a fresh heart break now I'll be only normal when he accept my insta request I'm madd he's so on my mind

So is dating an avoidant always limerence then?

@dr.beckyspelman

17 күн бұрын

That’s a good question. If you have the obsessive thinking of limerence then yes.

Hello Doctor Becky! Thank you for this video! I don't know what it's like. No woman has ever fallen in love with me. I was never rich enough 😁😄 But maybe I'm too frank. For example, if I love a woman, I tell her I love her. Apparently, they don't like that 😄 Maybe I'm too fast and too honest. Maybe I should wait a decade before telling them such things 😄

@dr.beckyspelman

21 күн бұрын

Thanks for watching the video. Do you want some help with this?

@nicolas_-_-_

21 күн бұрын

What do you mean? Will you help me become a little richer and a little less poor? 😄 I'm joking. Yes, I accept your help. Thank you very much! However, if you find a woman who wants to marry me, please send me her photo first 😃😄

@nicolas_-_-_

21 күн бұрын

When a man is in love and when a woman is in love, do they have the same language, or are there some differences? I guess most of women won't tell the man because they refuse to take the first step...

@nicolas_-_-_

18 күн бұрын

Hello! It's me again. If a woman is in love with me, what's gonna be her language? Will she tell me honesty that she loves me? I don't think so. I would do that, but most of women never do that. But what's wrong with doing that?

Nope, my mood is great, I enjoy being single and glad I don’t have any kids and never will have any biological children at this point., don’t need anyone, don’t care for anyone , definitely definitely love my own simple life. I can do whatever I like and I don’t have to get permission from anyone to do so. 😅

Limerance is a drug self manufactured by the brain. It becomes a fantasy world where things are perfect. But then yes - anxious preoccupation

Not sure I can fall in love anymore… a worry after narracistic abuse in past! 😢 I don’t idolize anyone and I sure the heck no they have flaws and I don’t see any fairytale so I guess the honey Man stage for me seems like I’m always looking for the real

It is NOT true that a Limerent Object by definition NEVER reciprocates! That idea is wrong. I have been in a very traumatic situation with a woman that was Limerent while I was the non-limerent Limerent Object! I reciprocated because I fell in love with her due to the way she enchanted me into believing I was the perfect man for her. When I gave her what she wanted (emotional reciprocation) it came too close to her and she backed away. The limerence was consumed and deteriorated. The day before I was everything, then all of a sudden I was NOTHING. NON-existent. Gone was the glimmer. Gone was the limerence , gone was the woman I thought I got to know and fell in love with! So, to sum this all up, please be carefull with what you are putting out there on KZread. There is still much research to be done with regards to Limerence. To my understanding from what I have experienced, the one that suffers from Limerence is in fact NOT able to show real emotional reciprocity due to underlying trauma and low self-esteem issues and insecure attachment. The one that is in Limerence does NOT really understand LOVE as they do NOT really understand themselves. This has noting to do with the LO not being able to reciprocate. The mind of the one that is Limerent is distorted thus they are unable to see what certain gestures and actions of a LO really mean.

@dr.beckyspelman

17 күн бұрын

Sorry that you have experienced this and thanks for your comment, I cover this in the latter part of the video where I say that the person enters in to the relationship but for self serving reasons.

@bouk

17 күн бұрын

@@dr.beckyspelman Although Limerence is by definition self serving, that self serving does not in itself imply that a limerent object cannot or will not reciprocate. This is what you tell people in your video and that is definitely not always the case while the true reasons why a LO does or does not reciprocate differ in each case depending on many complex dynamics that even the one in Limerence cannot fully understand. To generalize about this is in my opinion wrong.

I'm afraid that was helpful... 😐

@dr.beckyspelman

21 күн бұрын

Was or wasn’t?

@viktor4840

21 күн бұрын

@@dr.beckyspelman It was helpful (not a slip). Sad but true.

@elsagrace3893

19 күн бұрын

This is by far the best and maybe only helpful video describing limerence. It’s very clear. We can see the difference.