"Do non-autisic people have some kind of turn-taking telepathy going on" I'm not diagnosed, but this is such a part of my life it made me laugh out loud. It's either not talking at all, or talking over someone.

@iexist1300

Жыл бұрын

That quote was so relatable to me. I've been told to lean forward whenever you have something to say, but that feels like cheating and if it were what everyone did conversations would be literally impossible.

@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767

Жыл бұрын

As a non-autistic person, I can chime in here: I've developed/learned a "sense" of when to join in, kind of like when I was a kid figuring out when to jump into the jump rope, except less intuitive and with less obvious feedback as to whether I got it right. I really appreciate it when one person in a group seems to be come almost like an unofficial leader/facilitator: I used to be part of a meditation group, and this one woman would notice if someone hadn't shared much and ask that person a question. It helped with my anxiety that I might be dominating a conversation and not realize it, because it kind of gave a structure to taking turns, it allowed me to know that I was taking my turn and only my turn. I guess I described myself as "a non-autistic person" while simultaneously exhibiting a number of traits that seem consistent with autism. It's hard to know, because there are a lot of things that do come relatively easily to me too.

@heavyecho1

Жыл бұрын

@@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767 I can't jump rope either, not even on my own 😁

@beesmcgee4223

Жыл бұрын

Extremely relatable. I always thought when people talked about turn-taking they were only referring to one-to-one conversations, which seem a lot more straightforward (when they pause, you talk). But in groups I am basically silent 99% of the time for this reason...

@UnkillableJay

Жыл бұрын

Yup, I try not to cut people off but if I'm not paying enough attention I almost always end up jumping the gun 😅😂

Halfway through and this is already the most relatable thing I’ve seen on youtube.

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

omg bestie 😭

@moonticorn

Жыл бұрын

💯

@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023

Жыл бұрын

Caelan, I was watching one of your latest videos a few hours ago and thinking what could be translated into actual words as: "Hang on, not all of their gestures are typical for us queers, some of those seem typical for us neurodivergents - are also they both?" If you are, or want to explore the possibility: you are One Of Us, regardless, and as many times over as you wish to claim. ❤

54:15 "People tell me that I put into words things that they have struggled to communicate to their support bases..." 100% this. Thank you, Mica!

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

💜

Learning that there's a purpose to small talk floored me. I'm generally quite good at it because I understand it like a dialogue tree and I can add some artistic variation to not sound too rehearsed, but I had just accepted it as a fact of life that I'd be inconvenienced by these weird non conversations and that's just how things work. It makes so much sense that it's just a way to keep in touch and show others you're paying attention to them, but no one has ever told me that. I need to sit down.

@kelsiemcveety999

Жыл бұрын

The decision tree is such a good way to put it, I usually describe it like the Sims communication UI.

@TheMrsarahanne90

Жыл бұрын

Legitimately having this explained is life changing...

To be honest, I'm surprised that sending those email updates every few months does not count as 'keeping in touch'. That seems like more than enough to me, but people are strange.

@debutchi

Жыл бұрын

I’m autistic but even I would prefer to hear back from friends more often than that, there’s no substance to a friendship when you can’t really know anything about a person because they’re just letting you know they’re doing good every couple of months, there’s nothing to maintain that way

@udonge1043

Жыл бұрын

i think its not that sending a few emails isnt considered keeping in touch, but moreso she thought that sending a few emails maintained a close, deeper relationship, to the point where she was shocked when this wasnt the case.

@outofhere2534

Жыл бұрын

It’s way better than my “send an Instagram reel at least once a week” kinda communicating

I literally raise my hand to speak in work meetings... It gained me a lot of respect as I wouldn't care if 3 people were going at it, I would calmly wait for them to get their stuff out and then button up the thread with a proposed solution. The key was finding ways to acknowledge what had been said before, before saying what I think is worth acknowledging.

@Flatcetera

Жыл бұрын

Are you… not supposed to… do that? Honestly these comments are getting too relatable but I’m deadly afraid pf psychologists because the ones around me are all the “solve it with jesus” kind.

@Sugar3Glider

Жыл бұрын

@@Flatcetera the ones around me tell me that it's not really necessary to be diagnosed; what matters is paying attention to whether or not there are detriments in life BECAUSE of this "abnormality." Beyond that, it's mostly just how your personality manifests. It can be helpful to know, but not necessarily. The same way it's helpful to know a door is 5' tall when you're 6', it's going to require you to duck but you can get through just fine.

@jaesynn2015

Жыл бұрын

Yes!! I raise my hand, too, especially around family, lol. They all just keep talking, and I simply cannot fathom where I am supposed to fit in! 😅

Omg saying “do you wanna be friends” has been my only approach to making friends and has actually been pretty successful. To be fair all my friends are also autistic so…….

This is so helpful. What I've been realizing from videos like this one is that we (neurotypicals) are brought up with such a profound ignorance about experiences that are different from the "norm". Not that this is necessarily a justification, after a certain age, but before watching videos like yours I had no idea that there could be such a wide variety of sensory experiences, for instance, or that expressing yourself pedantically could be not just a habit, but a profound reflection of how your mind works. Knowing these things changes how I approach people. I appreciate it so much.

I laughed at all the diagnosis stuff. I'm autistic, adhd, bp2, just got a formal diagnosis a couple weeks ago. I've always been able to get comedy, and seeing them listed just seemed like "how did I not get a diagnosis until 38?" I also learned small talk, I've been a decent masker because I just thought that's what everyone has to do to understand social stuff. Though after a huge mental break I've had less of an ability to do so. My anxiety has gone through the roof when I'm around groups. It's like all the things that I could just weather and mask my uncomfortableness, are now bearing down on me. I also quit drinking, which I really used a lot to make me less socially anxious, and dulled sensory processing. That, also many drugs, were probably my biggest masking tools that helped me do all that. I'm obviously an information dumper and oversharer. I do not understand how to not be meticulous in detail about every caveat. I can't make a small comment, it's frustrating cause then it takes me way too long to write one. Your video on meltdowns helped me question whether I'm autistic. Turns out I am. So I appreciate your autist catharsis videos, or whatever you called them. I just wanted to say that I've gotten ear worms that I made up, that caused me to have meltdowns. This has happened several times. It's just the worst. Also, I think I've just recently have noticed the social ablism. It's made me think a bit more about it. I remember seeing a video on reddit of someone clearly having a meltdown. The autistic subreddit was furious. It made me feel so fearful that a meltdown will end up getting recorded and put on tiktok, and even though it would maybe be thine for a day or two in the public's mind, it would devastate me. I think I'd have another breakdown. One that would be hard to come back from.

@mtsanri

8 ай бұрын

I'm curious, how is BP2 differentiated from AuDHD? That is, how can you tell that you also have BP2 and it's not just the AuDHD?

48:53 "And now, I am rigidly adhering in a very black and white manner to the idea that nuance is important and most things are complex as hell." 💯

I’ve never had a special interest but I am pretty sure I’m autistic (in the diagnosis process now). I’m very very glad you’ve made this video because it’s made me feel more secure in my own suspicion of me myself being autistic. This sorta stuff needs to be more publicised on for all the “non-stereotypical” autistics out there to actually recognise they could be autistic! Thank you for being that

@aratinatophat1072

Жыл бұрын

If you wanted an update you’ll be glad to know I have been diagnosed with autism! Woo!

@kelsiemcveety999

Жыл бұрын

​@@aratinatophat1072 congratulations!

@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023

Жыл бұрын

​@ARatInATopHat Congratulations! One Of Us also officially ❤

Only 10 minutes in and i feel myself back as a teenager, trying to explain to my parents and teachers and doctors "Maybe this is just me" and them ignoring me and turning every inconvenient trait of mine into a disease to be treated and medicated. It's really hard realizing and remembering all the ways in which people tried to turn me "normal", and I'm gonna have to watch this video in chunks probably, but I'm still thankful this video exists! Thank you for sharing

Thank you for "bringing heart to the statistics." It was amazing, and I loved every second.

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

thank you so much!

The sentiment expressed around 42:08 hit hard. After spending past 10 years (I'm 28) traveling, seeking out new experiences and trying to improve myself, what I'm mostly left with besides some nice memories is crippling burnout. I'm finding that discovering and settling into my various routines and limiting the amount of new experiences I have are making a great contribution to my sanity. Thanks for sharing you experience.

Both me and my family have questioned whether or not I could be autistic for ages now (a lot of my relatives work in an autistic support professions and are very educated, but therapists insist it’s just ADHD), but it’s nice to hear all the symptoms listed out. I wasn’t aware that a fascination with lights was considered a sign? I used to force my mom to spend… an absurd amount of time in the lighting aisles in hardware stores, any time we had to go to one.

@bettyunicorn6132

Жыл бұрын

Omg i reflate so much

God, I feel this so hard. Especially when you started talking about the lack of desire for alcohol and everything attached to it because... that was me. That is me. Turning things down, too, because it's just... something in the environment, I know it'll cause me pain and make things worse? And now almost no one bothers... And I have to ask them, and then it turns into the same things over and over.

i’ve never had the hypo-sensitive part explained this way and now i understand how it affects me!! I work in a starbucks and when a customer is talking to me while i make drinks i won’t realize ive started putting ice in a hot drink or started making the wrong drink entirely because all my attention is being distracted by trying to appear engaged with the customer in front of me. That kind of stuff happens all the time to me without realizing that i was even overstimulated in the first place until my muscle memory starts failing me. I didn’t think this may be a problem of hyposensitivity caused by overstimulation. Understanding the “thought process” behind the general symptoms have helped me realize how deeply my life is actually affected, so i appreciate all the effort you’ve put into this:)

Oh my gosh, I relate to almost all of this so much. I've never really heard other neurodivergent people talk about the pain of getting songs stuck in your head, but it really does affect the quality of my life. One of the reasons I got on my autism diagnosis journey was because I found it nearly impossible to study for classes that I really, really needed to study for because it was like someone was singing in my ears 24/7. There was absolutely nothing I could do to shut it out, and it only got worse the more anxious I was. My therapist has tried to help me learn strategies to cope with it, but it's still something I'll struggle with for the rest of my life. I'm so grateful to hear that someone else has experienced it and understands. Terrific video, thank you for making this. Perfect explanation, perfect editing, everything.

Trying to wrap my head around all of that but it’s so different to my experience. I’m just starting to realize how much of the way I interacted with people was intuitive, and I didn’t understanding that not everyone has the same innate ability to process. Neurotypical people also learn by getting it wrong and being shamed for it, but it serves to sharpen a sense that was already there and able to assimilate those hard lessons.

“I struggle to know what level of interest in someone else’s life is appropriate” - I think this explains why I find it so hard to get started talking with someone who I think I might want to befriend. I noticed a couple weeks ago that my friend was asking some people she got chatting with where they were from, where they grew up, what their majors were, if they were living on campus… for no reason? Like she wasn’t worried about them getting home okay or having enough time after the event to do their homework, she was just using these questions to keep talking to them. This should be obvious because I’ve had people do this when talking to me, but it feels like random and slightly creepy information collecting to me. Especially because they never go beyond the surface on any of these topics - it’s like filling out a form or something

I keep flip flopping between thinking I may have autism and thinking I can't possibly. This video was mostly very relatable. Especially the playing with kids part. I did have a best friend for most of my childhood though (serial best-friends), but I would sort of control the playtimes if we ever played pretend games. I didn't have any interest in what the other kids came up with. I think this is the reason I was rejected by an entire group of friends about age 6ish and at the time I had no idea why. I figure I was just too bossy for them. Then I became a loner and avoided social interaction outside of my best friend who would do things for me like raise their hand in class or mediate with other kids. I always felt out of the loop. At secondary school I was the weird kid who didn't speak and only drew, someone they made school shooter jokes about (even though I was a girl). Sometimes the "popular" extroverted girls would make comments that I didn't really understand immediately were sarcasm or mocking statements and for a second I wasn't sure if they liked me or not. I've avoided social stuff to such an extent, and formed my life around these difficulties so much that I've told myself I don't have a problem. Oh I had to quit every job because of the eventual anxiety burnout from constant pretending to know what was going on, but yknow, my partner is supporting me and everyday life is fine because I avoid the stressors that show I have problems. Anyway sorry for the rant, it's just nice to see someone who I can relate to. Thanks for the video.

"I have no idea when it's my turn to speak so I just go for it and end up talking over someone" I've done that so many times that I cackled when you said it.

Your section on social accomplishments starting at 1:02:45 really gave me a new perspective on my life as an autistic woman. I think one reason why I grew up to be “successful” (by neurotypical standards) is because my parents were quite socially accommodating. My parents rarely, if ever, did those harmful behaviors that further ostracize neurodivergent folk. I was always supported emotionally and academically, but it makes me realize that my parents also played a large role in supporting my social development. They were always ready to explain an idiom or conversation, let me over explain in discussions, and let me vent my feelings at home. I was hyper-verbal as a kid (still am 😅) and due to social skills therapy, advice, support, and a lot of trial and error, I no longer really fit the Category A “social deficits” model of the autism diagnosis. Admittedly, I am still a few years behind my peers socially regarding the typical major social milestones (specifically romantically), but I know I can communicate with both neurodivergent and neurotypical people because I intentionally learned (and practiced) how to. This sucks as it makes it incredibly hard to get a formal diagnosis as an autistic adult, despite fitting all the other criteria, especially those relating to sensory issues.

"I always got the sense that I wasn't my best friend's best friend" yeah :(

I related to a lot of this video, my autism symptoms have been mild for most of my life, the main impact I think it's had on me is it forcing me into isolation for most of my life since I never really learned how to mask, I've taken most enjoyment and motivation for life out of my "special interests" that being video games and film, I used to think I could communicate pretty well with anyone who shared my interests but recently I realized even in circles like this, one slip up leads to almost immediate social ostracization and then being called "manipulative" when I ask what I did wrong, I'm experiencing what I believe to be an autistic shutdown, I am sick of trying to conform to an arbitrary set of social rules, I was never given the chance to understand, that not only exists in day to day life but even many circles of the internet where people come down on you even harder than they do in real life, I realize this comment kind of sounds like a vent but idk if I'll ever get the chance to mention this again, ur videos have helped me realized that I'm not inherently broken, the society we live in just isn't designed to accommodate or treat neurodivergent people with any level of kindness or understanding especially if there not white

@Fumbann

Жыл бұрын

I know this comment is a bit old but it really hit me when reading it since I relate to this too. Even for people surrounded by your interest or people you think of being close, it only takes one slip up for NT to change their entire demeanour. It's honestly really scary and has left my trust scarred for a long time. I know this might not mean much coming from a stranger on the internet, but I genuinely wish you the best. I'm not sure if I'm going through a shutdown too, or an awful depression episode, but It's something that pains so much I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You lost me at ‘there is purpose to small talk’… 😅😂 This was SO relatable and confirmed to me that seeking diagnosis is the right thing for me

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

That's so cool, thank you!

Your videos make me remember things I packed away because I didn't want to remember so I need to take breaks to cry. Like the scammer I thought was a real person and had developed a crush on, realizing no one actually wanted me to answer how I was, drawing up a contact and giving a gift to the girl I liked in elementary school because I wanted to date her, cutting up a dirty magazine I had found on the side of the road and glueing my favorite pictures into a notebook to show the boys at school who were younger than me becauseI had gotten held back, getting taken aside and told my drawings of girls where too "anatomically correct" when I just wanted them to be accurate. (Trans by the way, only took me 30 years to figure it out) I love your videos I just wish they weren't so hard to watch.

Once again a generous, insightful and inspiring way to approach content and communication.

Thanks for sharing your story! Neither my husband nor myself have a diagnosis, but we've both been learning about Autism (and ADHD) for the past few years, and the more we hear from diagnosed Autistic people, the more we see ourselves in them.

Very deep and reflected insights on how it is to grow up and remain autistic! I loved the end of the video, when Ponderful addresses the Neurotypical viewers.

My favorite far left autistic KZread channel! You put my own experiences into words in a way better way than I even can. It's validating and a bit cathartic please keep making these!! I feel seen.

So much of this sounds almost identical to my childhood, but according to my parents (and only my parents), I was a perfectly happy social kid. Closest I go to an offical diagnosis was selective mutism (which I get that you don't have to be autistic to have). But I was refusing to speak to or acknowledge the presence of other children because they would just make fun of my voice, and my behaviour.

I defied ideas of autism. I have a very high IQ, I have total recall. I'm 60, so ideas about autism have changed. My mother always thought I was misdiagnosed because she thought autism was a form of "mental retardation", developmental disability. A doctor in front of my parents and me told them I should have been sterilized. I was diagnosed thanks to a nun at the Catholic school I was going to. I excelled as a straight a student because of her. I took all my tests in a utility closet with no distractions I finished quickly. Later on when I couldn't be separated in class, I would put in nose canceling ear plugs and would finish my tests before anyone else. I can't read linearly, I read to the middle, go to the end, then the middle. My father got me work books on records, then cassette tape, this way I learned it immediately. I'm also dyslexic, have ADHD and epilepsy. I was born with a pituitary adenoma. I have the usual obsessive on subjects. So I got degrees in sociology, psychology, quantum physics and astro physics. I was a social worker before my osteoarthritis that I was born with badly physically disabled me. I've always related to animals better than people. Horses saved my life, by taking care of them, I was able to cope. I can hear and feel thunder before most people. Colors have a distinct odor. I have migraines and tmj. I smell moss before I have an epileptic black out. I have neuropathy. Everything you're explaining I understand. I also have eczema and psoriasis. 😥 thank you.

The part about allodynia gave me a big "Wait, there's a name for that?!" moment. I had no idea it was an actual thing, rather than just _my_ body doing yet another weird inexplicable thing that nobody else seems to get.

16:00 the sound of electricity calms me because it reminds me that I am safe in the warm embrace of civilization

Thank you so much for this video. I’ve struggled my whole lifetime connecting and understanding people and having them understand me, but thanks to manipulative and ignorant family who isolated me and made me feel lesser for not being like them while denying my neurodivergence, I never got a chance to grasp an understanding that I was silently shifting my own expectations for myself to fit their mold. Lo and behold, I’m autistic and now understand I will have to actively fight my own urge to mask constantly.

@gabrielrichmond2047

Жыл бұрын

Forgot to finish this comment: this video is so relatable and makes me feel more okay understanding that I struggle in ways others don’t.

i appreciate the mention of autism being more than sensory issues and special interests because i would definitely say i experience neither of those things, for me its purely social and attention deficit i experienced anxiety at the thought of doing anything involving other people from a very young age and would have fits trying to get myself out of going, sometimes even to school and as a result have very few friends and only am able to interact with them over the phone as they live far away i experience the exact same problems with most people thinking im being rude or uninterested when in reality im shy and scared and cant focus on a conversation to save my life i feel like one of the useless autistics as my autism hasnt brought me any special skills or interests that i can recall and recite information about at the drop of a hat and have no real direction in life besides maybe the desire to travel, so hearing about you being able to live in multiple countries is encouraging i wish more people could see this video so a better understanding of what its like living with autism and as you said in one of your previous videos, our society really is disabling for us, and most people really dont understand what its like as a side note your screenshots of articles are fairly blurry and the text cannot be easily read, please consider uploading higher quality images to your videos, im one of those people who like to pause to read them

I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for autistic youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤

@Ember_Green

Ай бұрын

Congratulations 🙏

@lisbethchristensen1981

Ай бұрын

Thank you @@Ember_Green

I’m 51, and I live in the US. Thank you for sharing this. It’s so honest and vulnerable…. and relatable.

@00:10 Thank you for staying true to yourself and for conveying so much useful information and insights in your videos! I despise channels like "The Aspie World" and their approach to do anything to please the YT algorithm 🤬😡 @53:03 "When my relationship ended ... I had nothing." That one resonated hard with me. The end of my relationship wasn't the bad part. Not having any friends was. My girlfriend simply was "enough social interaction" to satisfy my needs. After the break-up, I suddenly realised that I neglected all my previous friendships, and they were all gone. And yet, I know I haven't learned anything. Keeping friendships alive is just sooooooo much work, soooooooo exhausting, and so little fun 😢

oh and dang, I ALWAYS have an earworm. It's the worst when it's just one isolated phrase of a song (even a song that I just made up.) they keep me up at night, too.

I'm probably on the spectrum, but it's too hard to get a diagnosis, so I can't be bothered. Thanks for the video, I related to a lot of it.

ending: one of the most fabulous experiences in my life was a person walking with purpose down a busy pedestrianised street repeating, with gusto, 'jingle bells, bingle jells, jingle bells, bingle jells, jingle......' on and on and on. it was wonderful, seeing someone taking what was in their head at that moment and releasing its rhythm into the world. what have autistic people done to further human development, culture, whatever? that. bingle jells. that, and answering 'pencils!' enthusiastically when asked a question.

My personal super specific sensory thing that I'm never _quite_ convinced is actually very weird: I literally _can't_ not listen to a person talking in my presence unless they aren't the only one talking. Even then I generally try unless one of them is especially interesting. I am inevitably baffled by people who don't. Like, of course I'm paying attention, _you were talking,_ how could I possibly _not?_

i have all the physical symptoms you just described and the over arching cause turned out to be pots! everyone is different but I thought I’d mention as doctors don’t tend to test for it or know what it is. it took years to get my diagnosis. btw, love the video so far, thank you for making this!

@syd-ir6lc

Жыл бұрын

yikes I just got to you saying do not give any medical advice!! I apologize, I get unsolicited medical advice all the time and it is so annoying. hope the comment helps with the algorithm anyway, and good luck with your health ❤

"I have best friends, but I don't feel like I'm anyone's best friend" oof that one stung

Hi Mica - I discovered your channel super recently, pretty much exactly as I was coming to realize I'm probably autistic. The recommendation algorithm is scary. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. So much of what you shared was relatable, and in particular helped me remember things from my childhood that probably would have led to a diagnosis (or simply better support) had they been noticed or taken seriously. Anyway - thank you for all you do. The world is a much better place because of advocates such as yourself

You're feeling better hooray!

you singing xmas songs at the end reminded me of how i used to always want to hear them before bed, no matter the time of year when i was little, so my mom would always sing them for me :')

I am 55. I have decided to call and get an appointment with a GP to ask for a referral to a professional that can assess me for autism. I suspected that I could be on the spectrum over a decade ago, but the DSM IV didn't include my presentation of it. Asperger's, with the concrete rules of being unable to understand humor, inability to make eye contact, and the so-called inability for autistic people to have empathy, all of these things excluded me from a diagnosis that would have helped me understand that some of the expectations I had for myself were unreasonable. Whenever I watch a video from an actual austic person describing their lives I become more convinced that I am probably autistic. This video made me think of two things in my life that resonate with autism. I don't keep in touch with people. I don't know when talking becomes oversharing, and I don't want to burden people with my struggles and problems. In many ways I am not emotionally generous. I am deeply empathetic, and I think that is the root of my inability to deal with other people, I feel stuff too deeply. I cannot compartmentalize other people's problems, particularly their health problems. I develop sympathy illnesses if I am around a loved one that is ill. Other people are emotionally expensive. And at times I don't have the resources to deal with them. I can be extremely charming, open, and extroverted. I do not know if I am an expert mimic, but I mask pretty damn well. I have held jobs that were all about emotional connection. I am an academically trained anthropologist. I have been thinking about anthropological concepts since I was a child. I even came up with theories in my head about how human beings socialize as a kid. I used to think this showed that I had an intuitive idea about human beings. Now I am wondering if I was an outsider even to my own culture. Observing people like they were subjects in an experiment. It actually blows my mind how looking at my entire life through this lens changes everything. I used to tell myself I was socially awkward because I was hard of hearing. I could see kids laughing at me but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I thought that it was fun for them to mock me when I couldn't hear it. And I am sure that played a role in it. But if I were to be totally honest, being hard of hearing gave me an out in dealing with others as a kid. I did not make much effort to compensate for it. My hearing problem was due to allergies. So some times I could hear better than others, but I kind of allowed that disability to be an excuse so I didn't have to make a lot of effort. I also had to watch people's faces to understand what they were saying. Because I had to watch people and interact with their faces to understand them I think that made me accustomed to looking at people in the eye as well. I don't necessarily like eye contact. But it doesn't deeply bother me most of the time. It can be unsettling, but if I was going to communicate at all I had to partially read lips and take context cues from people's eyes. I think they need to change the criteria because it appears a lot of girls have less trouble with some social cues than boys do. I have no concept of why that would be, other than social expectations on girls probably is a huge part of that. But I don't think it could be all of it.

I found this channel less than a week ago and now I’m 90% sure I’m autistic lol, great videos!!

Oh gosh, I also did the thing with the yard wall at school. Eventually a teacher would pull me away and ask the other children to let me join in. Until then, I'd walk up and down along the wall, and I liked to find as flat a stone as I could on the wall and then pick up another stone from the floor that I could draw on it with. Also I'd eat the plants off the wall.

The part about special interests really spoke to me. I played Half-life 2, got obsessed with HL2 modding, then played Oblivion, got obsessed with Oblivion modding... I spent thousands of hours modding Bethesda games, lol. Almost every waking hour I wasn't at work, I was modding. Now I'm obsessed with other things. A lot of the other stuff really resonated as well. Rubbing paper towel together makes me want to jump out of my skin!

1:03:49 ... ... ... I am in tears over this.. I thought it was just me and my brother was right

As someone who was diagnosed with autism at a rather young age, pretty much all of these I still relate to or did.

58:19 Oh my god. I remember visiting one of my best friends at his family’s fancy new McMansion when I was about 12. We were playing with his action figures and when I looked up, he was staring at me. I’d stuck half of one of his G.I. Joes in my mouth without even noticing. 💀 For better or worse, his move was far enough away that he had to go to a different school and it wasn’t as practical to stay in touch, so I never had to see him again after that. 😅

"...From the outside I was just a miserable old swine with a face like a slapped arse, killing the whole vibe." Can we be best friends? This is the most charmingly relatable yet absurd sentences I've ever heard.

“I have worked hard on this because…and now I’m rigidly adhering-in a very black and white manner-to the idea that nuance is important and most things are complex as hell.” This is the most relatable thing I’ve heard in months-and I’ve only known I’m autistic for about two and a half years, just for full context lol Great video. I’ve subbed for more. Love supporting this wonderful community. I may even get up enough nerve to start doing my own videos at some point. But in meantime, people like you are so relatable and encouraging to see and interact with.

@Ember_Green

2 ай бұрын

Thank you & good luck!

Thank you for this look at autism from the inside! It's interesting because I have a lot of the same behaviors, but no one has ever suggested I have autism. I've always thought that it was the result of being extremely introverted and taking after my dad who also has a lot of these traits. I honestly feel like people would laugh at me if I suggested that I might have autism because I seem "normal" (according to society's standards) when I go out in public. I can even be "good" at socializing in the right situation. But people don't understand the effort it takes for me to do that. I feel like I have very limited energy for interacting with other people and I'm EXHAUSTED after these interactions. The worst experiences for me are events where I can't get away from people. I believe I was fired from a job because, after the first day of a three day business trip, I couldn't smile, nod, and laugh when people were, in my opinion, stating things as facts that were based on assumptions that didn't make sense to me, and making jokes that I understood in theory, but I didn't find humorous at all. I knew I was supposed to agree and laugh, but I just couldn't. This offended my boss, who, I guess, NEEDED this kind of feedback, which led to me being fired eventually. There's a lot more I could say, but I would wind up writing an essay. Incidentally, when I was in grad school, during the summer break, I wrote a novel, too, and I didn't see or talk to a single person during those three months, except for cashiers (maybe) when I went out to buy food.

As a dad of an autistic child it really explains a lot - thank you :D

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! That's great to hear :)

30:22-32:56 No wonder why I have such an affinity for liminal spaces and dreams. I have done a lot of these things, yet, despite being gen z and still a teenager, I still have the same experience of not remembering mostly anyone there.

I really appreciate your discussion of how sensory issues aren't strictly necessary to be considered autistic. I have very few (or very minor) sensory issues - certainly not enough to cause distress or meltdowns. But it's such a common experience talked about among autistic people online, that it's easy to start questioning whether I'm really autistic if I don't share that experience. It means a lot to me to hear a reminder that you can be just as autistic without the sensory stuff. So thank you for that.

This is fascinating. I was wondering if you could make a video specifically abt romantic relationships as an autistic person. There are so many challenges involved and you are so articulate on the subject. Thanks.

I related so hard to your descriptions of Bad sensory stimuli at around the 56:00 mark that I started chewing my fingers.

You do such an amazing job translating your experiences into evocative words. It may seem silly, but my favorite part of this whole video are the childhood video and especially the one with the presents. They brought back great memories of my own. I still love the feel and smell of wrapping paper.

"swallowing food i dont like with water, like it's a pill" - hard relate

Ponderful talking about sensory issues, *pours water* I flipped out. lol i'm relating to a whole lot in this video.

@errrkt

Жыл бұрын

got me asking myself... "am i really allistic?"

I haven't gotten an official diagnosis. To be honest, when I was younger and going through a very chronic bout of depression, I finally convinced my mother I needed a therapist, I spent the entire hour long session, shaking and crying for 4 very long 1 hour sessions. My therapist then disappeared and my gp got ghosted by her too. While I think psychiatrists and psychologists are important and do good work, I am a bit terrified of bearing my soul to someone only to get ghosted again. But I have suspected that I'm autistic for years now and potentially inattentive ADHD. I don't like talking as if I am, because I feel very insecure about it. Like I'm a fake or being overdramatic. Every few months it's on my mind and I can't stop thinking about it. As far as this video goes; The part that really stuck out to me was coming across as uptight or prudish. For the most part I'm a homebody but when I do wanna catch up with people. I'm just kinda there, I make small talk but it usually peters out and then I feel like I've fucked up the dialogue tree somehow. I look around and everyone is chatting and it seems so effortless. I started taking my crochet with me to parties because it gave me something to do and looked weird but less sad (to me) than someone sitting silently in the corner. When I was a kid, everyone thought I was shy and some people thought I was mute. As an adult able to drink, I relied heavily on alcohol to interact with people. That part of my brain that felt awkward about silence or put me down when I failed to hold a conversation would be quiet and I could just get up to drunk antics. Now that I don't want to rely on drinking anymore I'm back to trying to make small talk and failing. Last time was okay because I knew one or two people and we had overlapping interests and I spent the whole night talking to them about new shows, games or movies. But most times I feel like a waste of space because I can't relate to anyone. My partner is confirmed to be autistic and masks very well. I use her as a buffer for a lot of events and I just end up relying on her to keep conversations going. It's making me worried that I'll stop getting invited to things again.

What a great video. The way you relay information gently is comforting and makes it easier for me to absorb.

@Ember_Green

Жыл бұрын

thank you!

@adamlane6453

Жыл бұрын

So many KZread channels on topics I love, that I just can't watch because of the sensory overload. Loud music, loud talking, loud graphics. Too much.

@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023

Жыл бұрын

​@@adamlane6453, same, same!

Yeah, small talk. Topics like talking about weather -- yes, I *love* talking about weather. Types of clouds. Tornado formation. The fact I survived tornado hit, and my cat was traumatised for months from that event. Oversharing about my climatological knowledge or about my susceptibility to weather patterns... And the people starting the talk anted only to hear "yes, weather is pretty ugly recently"...

Hearing you talk about seeing your friends life changes from FB and not from the person itself, that hits so close to home. People who u assumed would be in my wedding party and vice versa (because that's what we agreed upon in middle school lol) posting they had a wedding I wasn't even invited to. I can't tell you the number of times I thought someone was my close friend and they barely thought of me at all

as someone diagnosed late (24 yrs) with adhd, this is very relatable to me - not as much the specific instances, but the experience of "sticking out" or not knowing what is ok to ask about and what is ok to share. thank you for this video, it means a lot to me

44:50 [watching while eating and rocking] *POINTS EMPHATICALLY*

Are 2 comments under one video allowed? Just wanted to say, that I really enjoy listening to you. I seldom have the feeling that there is somebody on this planet who understands me. And then I landed on one of your videos and you tell about so many things that is part of me, of my soul. Thank you for that, thank you for your videos.

people have always looked at me weird when id stand there and put my hands over my ears when the sounds around me were too overwhelming for me ...

I've been recommended a number of your videos these last couple of days. I'm slightly older than you, but from the UK. I'm autistic, as is my kiddo. I worked with autistic adults & children for twenty years but didn't realise I was autistic myself until my kiddo started school & struggled with the expectations of it. A lot of things made a lot of sense looking back - the most positive being why I was good at my job (which I eventually burnt out over). Anyway...your content is incredibly relatable & I intend to share it over Autism Acceptance Month as perhaps people might listen to you on the subject a little more readily than some listen to me.

the thing about staying in contact while abroad.. sooo fuckin relatable man. i didnt have it in me to stay abroad cus i sensed this happening, and yet, all the same im noticing now (some of) the friends i came back to be around are drifting away for those same reasons. being autistic can be so fuckin hard man... also yay for chronic pain and hypermobility pls dont tell me thats an autism thing that explains why ive been in medical limbo for half a decade... hope your specialists take you seriously, its hard out here.

I feel the routine cooking part in my soul holy sheet

SO relate to "I struggle to know what level of interest in a person's life is appropriate". I say dramatic things like "I don't care about people" but really, I actually do a little too much, I've come to realize as an adult and my wife noticing I am very invested in everyone I know. It's just SO hard to understand what people want, or what is even on the menu of human interaction without someone directly saying clearly the rules. Same with "just going for it". I'm just straight up used to being talked over since I have a fairly deep, bassy voice and I notice it 'blends in' with general environmental noises like cars, wind, etc. I play boardgames and I'm almost always spoken over and it seems like most people don't even really notice. Like I said, I am used to it but people seem to think that's sad often when I say I'm used to it. Idk what else a person is supposed to do when it happens all the time besides come to terms with it. It makes me wonder... are you all... NOT being talked over? How do you accomplish that besides being belligerant? That's really what I feel like deep down...like I have 2 options as a male: Yell and 'assert dominance' over everyone, or just be a fairly quiet person and act what seems to me like a 'normal' human. Ie, rely on other people to actually WANT to listen to me, and if they don't want to, that's fine. I'm not going to DEMAND attention like so many assumingly NTs I know. And same about being told I'm mumbling or too loud all the time. It just seems like nothing feels right. Usually I do something cartoonish like yell or whisper and people often are like "Oh good, you figured it out" and I'm left baffled. I too have gotten in trouble for sounding 'too robotic' when I'm in professional affect mode. That whole 'chumy' vibe some people have while schmoozing AND somehow managing to present a professional persona really baffles me. They seem entirely opposite to me but apparently there's a whole trope of life based around it with biz mixers and crap like that. Stuff like that just boggles my mind if I think about it too much. And don't even get me started on the constant records playing. That was the start of my ADHD dx and into my AuDHD research. Holy crap it's nonstop. CBD seems to stop them but if I miss a few days, they come back, usually while I'm trying to sleep and louder than ever.

38:45 there is always music going on in my head lol. Although usually I'm fine with it because it's usually music I like

Apropos of the positive sensory stuff, discovering my autism allowed me to remember one of my favourite things as a kid. During most car rides I would prop my arm against the door and have my thumb and fingertip just barely touching eachother, and the vibration of the car would make this amazing sensation. I rediscovered this a couple months ago on a walk when gliding my hand on a handrail that had an uneven layer of ice that gave the same feeling and thanks to paying more attention to sensory stuff due to knowing my autism, in a moment a flood of childhood memories came flooding in. I'm not very sensory in my autism, apart from this specific thing I love bright lights (hence late night walks that led to the previous discovery), and thankfully my only sensory trigger is that dry chafing sound of tissue papers and fabrics you talked in the video. Then I have always had both tinnitus and visual snow syndrome (a film grain effect in my vision, basically visual tinnitus) which as a kid bothered my because being autistic I didn't understand why no-one ever mentioned these so obvious things, but of course I couldn't describe it myself to ask about it.

Your videos make me feel understood and I really need that right now more than ever. Thanks.

thank you so much for sharing. this is really helpful for me

So excited!

It’s really interesting to see how similar this is to adhd!

Thanks for making this video. I'll definitely watch a couple of parts at least a few more times. Very helpful information.

This was a great video, and so relatable at so many points

I can't relate to everything in this video, but I've never felt more seen and understood than when I was watching this video.

Thank you for your work.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and perspective, beautifully done

Wonderful video

This was very valuable to me. Thank you.

I’ve never related to a video more! Thank you for putting the things I have felt all my life into words and helping me understand myself better

Such an interesting and moving video 🤠💜

Beautiful video, Mica! It was wonderful to watch along at the premier. Sharing, and definitely worth rewatching. 💜

I'm glad you're feeling better. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and experiences. It helps me understand myself and others.

thank you so much for making this video! it was very relatable and it made me feel a little less like an alien 👽

Videos like yours make me want to seek a diagnosis. Thank you. 💜 It's nice to think maybe I'm neurodivergent and not just terrible at existing in this world.

This might be one of the most informative and overall best video I have ever seen on the subject of Autism. It made me feel as if I wasn't alone and is someone understood much of what I have gone though. And for that I can't thank you enough, truly truly thank you for being yourself and for doing what you do.

This was such a legitimately calming video to watch. All of it.