My daughter died of cancer, during her last hospital stay she was told she did not have much time. I stopped in before starting my shift and she asked me how long I thought she had. I said only God has that answer, but not long. She wanted to be home and I said then I will get you home. The next day they wanted to move her to the hospice floor. They told them she could not be kept comfortable there. I walked in and told them I was going to be there and what I needed. Next morning the ambulance and I, got her home. She had 4 days and I closed her eyes and she went to be with God.

@peterbartley7183

Жыл бұрын

Sorry god is a terrible and primitive story for the gullible.

@Mayflower109

Жыл бұрын

@@peterbartley7183 Your answer even more so.

@srso4660

Жыл бұрын

@@peterbartley7183 I'm an agnostic atheist but I think if believing in a God gives one comfort, especially with the death of a child, let her hold to that. Why leave such an insensitive comment?! Her child died ffs, be kind.

@derrickallen2054

Жыл бұрын

I am truly sorry for your loss. No parent should ever have to bury their children. I hope you have found some kind of peace.

@metaldisciple

Жыл бұрын

@@peterbartley7183 shut up. Wide is the path to destruction. I’m sick of these level 1 atheists commenting to get a reaction. You know fine well there is something beyond us from your materialistic view.

I am 72. I do not fear dying. I fear being kept alive beyond my time. I simply do not understand why we prolong unwished for, painful lives. The overwhelming majority of people whom I have spoken to are in favour of being able to end their lives in dignity and peace when they themselves are ready. It is said that physicians do not want to be involved but surely it could be an opt-in situation? We treat our dogs so very much better than we treat our sick and elderly.

@STEVEinNC

Жыл бұрын

Most people rightly believe in God. Since God said "Thou shalt not kill" this would include suicide. And so people faithfully endure patiently for the Giver of their lives to end their lives.

@markelmslie6832

Жыл бұрын

May your passing be as easy as I wish for myself.

@jillholder1868

Жыл бұрын

@@STEVEinNC he kills.

@annemarievanleeuwen9959

Жыл бұрын

It's our lives and our bodies how dare the powers that be the government décide whether we should live or die euthanasie should be available for everyone

@gerryswaim5650

Жыл бұрын

I,too am 72 and I don't fear death but I do fear suffering pain. I've been in a lot of pain for over 20 years (back) and I would just like to die without much more pain.

My biggest fear in growing older is that they won't let me bloody get on with dying when it's time

@judytelles3518

Жыл бұрын

You can write it down and tell relatives, your doctor and everyone your wishes. It takes away the guess work and relief to those in charge of you, like ,DO NOT Resuscitate written large on patients notes in red. They will carry out your wishes if appropriate at the time.

@ananamu2248

Жыл бұрын

@@judytelles3518 thankyou Judy....yes, I have done that ,but before that comes ,the failure of organs getting propped by pills etc and the general horror of dying the medical profession has ...if I talk about it they put me down as suicidal ...no ,lm just coming to terms with it ..I like to be prepared ...but I am trying to take each day as it comes ,also bei ng prepared for pleasant surprises....did you have a good Christmas?

@janhusung8368

Жыл бұрын

@@judytelles3518 0:29

@judytelles3518

Жыл бұрын

@@janhusung8368 The person asked if I had a good Christmas. I deemed that I should reply. As a medical professional I have seen a lot of death and dying.

@mikebrody6985

Жыл бұрын

THEY NEVER DO MATE THEY NEVER DO --- PLAN ACCORDINGLY THEY WILL STRAP YOU TO A BED AND TORTURE YOU WITH PROLONGED PAINFUL LIFE.

My father was at the hospital treating cancer and when he said he wished he could be home I begged the doctor to let him go home and he made me sign a document to hold myself responsible for that. My father was at home and seemed much happier and could die in his bed a week later. I'm glad I could do that for him !!!!

@charliblake8551

5 жыл бұрын

Nadia Franke BEEN THERE! So glad that you were able to do that for him!! What a gift. Too often people feel powerless and will hand over all of the control to doctors out of ignorance or just fear of death and illness. Out of sight out of mind right? You did the most compassionate thing you could for your father and I commend you greatly for it✊🏼🤗

@NadiaFranke

5 жыл бұрын

@@charliblake8551 Thanks for your kind words. Love from Brazil

@charliblake8551

5 жыл бұрын

Nadia Franke 😌

@gardendormouse6479

5 жыл бұрын

I'm envious. I wish I could have done that for my father.

@forreal245

5 жыл бұрын

You did the right thing. You were blessed he had his own mind to make final decisions for himself.

*At the age of 81, I am enraged by the fact that elderly people in pain that can't ever be remedied do NOT have the choice to receive a pill that will end their life peacefully.*

@peterbartley7183

Жыл бұрын

Everyone should have that option.

@yankee2666

Жыл бұрын

‘Dominos Tuesday’ is a great little novel I picked up on Amazon about a group of senior citizens on their last legs who throw caution to the wind and take a dangerous sea voyage on a small craft in the name of “going down swinging.” It’s one of those books that I know I’ll reread one day.

@srso4660

Жыл бұрын

They do offer that choice, it's legal in the US in 10 states. Though, I think it should be legal everywhere.

@ruthfletcher7383

Жыл бұрын

Excellent. ! Thanks most of all for your honesty- let a person know where they are at, give them credit for intelligence as most pts .are aware when they are dying.LISTEN to your client / pt. Often the Dr. Has more fear of the situation than the pt…..Not an easy subject to cover.❤

@jillholder1868

Жыл бұрын

Agreed with every part of my heart and mind.

My husband died last year of colon cancer. He took charge of his treatment with my support. Although he did go to hospital for the last six days, by refusing emergency surgery, he died peacefully and painlessly, with myself, his two sons, and a daughter in law present. He and I both knew he was dying and prepared ourselves for this.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

Very glad to read he was able to make those important decisions himself. Also... Emergency intervention... That makes so much sense when there is life to save urgently. But when life is already on the way out, making it take more bumps and preventing a natural course to take place doesn't seem so urgent to me.

We nurses say that everyday. “Please don’t ever let this happen to me”. My wife and I are both acute care nurses and the hospital is the last place we want to be, much less die. Why do we look to lawyers/politicians who know nothing about medicine to change healthcare?

@dejacavu6259

3 жыл бұрын

In USA we lack on spirit energy/awareness however provide ways to pass with dignity.

@kelammo

Жыл бұрын

@@dejacavu6259 we seem to value our thoughts/feelings about the persons dying than we do THEIR feelings. Anyone who works with the chronically ill, those in nursing homes- your view changes. It’s cruel to keep a no working body/brain alive against their wishes.

@lorimitchell734

Жыл бұрын

Right! As a nurse of 40+ years, 20 years in hospice....I even have an early exit plan just in case...especially for dementia

@boem3021

Жыл бұрын

@Lori Mitchell hospice nurse here as well: what's that plan? Don't tell me it's the puke worthy "death with dignity". This term alone makes me nauseous.

@chercuts

Жыл бұрын

@@boem3021 why is it puke worthy in your opinion?

*Im terminally ill and im dying. But i chose to go home and die instead of going to hospice. Im really looking forward to leaving this body and going to meet Jesus. I take nothing for pain, so when i ever im hurting i pray for relief. Now i feel sorry for the living because i get to meet God real soon and see all his amazing handy work. Pray for me that my pain stops and im released from this body. I want to go home!!!*

@buddyflood6761

Жыл бұрын

you can hospice care at home and The workers that helped me in the last part of my mothers life were great,, but you must make sure you have your property signed over to your kids or whoever you leave it to ahead of time or the state will take it from your family, my mother had it took care of before I was taking care of her but I have a friend that the state took the families property because his mother didn't have it took care of in the "legal way"! only in America does this happen!

My little 3yo brother died overnight when I was 5 years old, the same year my great grandmother died she was in her 90s. At the age of 5, I understood that age has nothing to do with when we die. Enjoy every moment you have because we don't choose how many moment's we receive

@dejacavu6259

3 жыл бұрын

Agree! Live in the moment. After a 12 car pile up at high speeds, being hit and propelled 4 times, and being pronounced dead, I can say my experience left me on a warm wonderful happy loving high. What was bad was when the EMTs brought me back! Living is more painful.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

What a painful, yet what a valuable lesson

My dear father was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at age 55, he lived until 71. During the last years of his life I was his primary care taker, it was very difficult seeing him deteriorate, but I tried to make his last years as comfortable as possible. He fought this disease all the way to the end, until one night before going to bed, he collapsed. I called an ambulance and rushed him to the emergency room, on our way to the hospital in the ambulance, I just had a bad feeling he was not going to make it. He lasted 6 days in the hospital until he passed away. It was very heart breaking seeing him in that condition, catatonic, only opening his eyes ever so often, and not being able to say a word, because he had developed a very severe pneumonia. His last day was the worst condition he was in. I said my goodbyes to him, thanked him for everything he did for me, and telling him how much I love him. Finally, we gave permission to administer palliative sedation, so that he can go in peace, I hope he did. RIP dad, you will not suffer ever again.

As an RN you speak my language. You are right about why this happens. Dying is a natural process. We have forgotten this is natural.

My uncle died at home on hospice care. He was surrounded by family, loved ones, and a very kind but firm nurse who pulled no punches with Grandma, his primary caregiver and also his older sister. Grandma was prepared for this, and on a Friday night after receiving his last rites from a family friend who also happened to be a Catholic priest, Uncle Ange passed into heaven. He lived for two days on hospice care at home, and I think he died far more peacefully than if he had died surrounded by machines and sterile white walls.

My father was a family doctor and when he got old in his nineties he wanted to die at home. Thanks to his three daughters, his family doctor and a lovely non family care giver he was able to realize his wish. His house was modified to suit his circumstances and I think he died in a good way surrounded by his loving family. One of his main concerns was losing control. Fortunately that didn't happen in his case. He was a wonderful person who lived a wonderful life and his final act fortunately went the way he had hoped it would.

@bettykos

Жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏🏽

My mother was in CCU for two weeks, then moved to a regular hospital room for another 2 weeks. Finally the Doctor sent her home to die. However we had home health nurses (young ones) who were cheery about her getting better. One day an older nurse came, she pulled me aside and sais "did they tell you your mother is dying?" It was such a relief to have someone tell me the truth. My mother died a few days later, at home in her own bed. My children were le to say goodbye. I have never been sorry I was able to have her home for her final days.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

This older hospice nurse knew the signs and how to speak to you. I am glad you felt relieved by it. The young ones probably didn't understand, as from all i know, how dying looks isn't topic in their education, but rather a learned experience from beeing with dying people for a long while is what will clue you in. For me, beeing at actual rock bottom and connected with people has always been easier than "it's not too bad" with a disconnect. I would have felt the same as you for sure

I am 83 yrs. old in fair condition. I totally agree with Dr. Hillman.

What a great talk. I've been ill for 26 years. Over this time I've always found comfort when I've had to go to the hospital. They would make me better, they were usually kind, and I felt hopeful. The last time I went I realized I no longer felt that way. I feel now that I'd rather be at home. I feel like I'm arranging my process of dying and it's not only not scary, it's comforting. It's also natural. I really enjoyed hearing him talk about people at the end of life. Thank you.

@ddhqj2023

Жыл бұрын

I think it's appropriate to offer sympathy for all the years of illness but also to 'congratulate' you for finding a way finally to experience peace in your soul. The only thing I would suggest to you is that you begin looking at all the literature and videos about near death experiences if you haven't already done that. If not, I think you will be even more reassured and will experience even greater peace of mind and heart. Blessings to you N.

@carinm.bonifacino

Жыл бұрын

When my death draws near, I hope to come to the same peace about it as you have found. You are a role model for the people around you. Share this peace with them and hopefully they will see that it doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Blessings.

@STEVEinNC

Жыл бұрын

​@@carinm.bonifacino It doesn't have to be a scary thing if you believe that God in his mercy and love sent his only Son Jesus into the world as a Substitute to endure the wrath of God for the sins of all those who would believe in Him. However, without believing in Jesus as Savior, it is a very scary thing to face eternal torment for all our sins against an infinitely holy, perfect, and righteous God.

@lizyoung1443

Жыл бұрын

Q11111

@moniqueengleman873

Жыл бұрын

I am Exactly the same place that you are in. The hospital almost became home for me, Oncology was so kind and compassionate. I also got really good pain management meds. Now, I also feel like I want to just be home. I live in California so we have the "Death with Dignity" act. I feel fortunate to know that I still have a teeny bit of control over the time I choose to die. I am doing a composting process for my remains.

I work at a major teaching hospital in America. It is awful what happens to people and very, very, very expensive. I have all my documentation done and have made it very clear to my family that I don’t want to be maintained on machines.

@paulathepoodlelover

Жыл бұрын

It's all about $, nothing is about patient care anymore.

I'm so thankful for how my mother died last April. She was 92, and living with my sister, Esther. Esther was lucky, in having a breadwinner husband, and thus she was able to live at home and care for Mama. (My situation was very different.) Mama slowly had become extremely frail, having diabetes, heart failure, and dementia. Her last full day on earth, I was privileged to care for her, to allow Esther to go on a short trip. That day, Mama was a bit more distant, and dreamy. A bit detached. I read several chapters of the Bible to her, and sang some hymns. We looked at pictures of her grandchildren, and washed the eggs together that I gathered from the hen house. (That was always the highlight of her day.) She was very tired, so I put her to bed early. The next morning, as Esther was bathing her, suddenly Mama became too tired to function. She began to slump forward, almost falling off the beside potty. Esther wrapped her arms around Mama, and felt her flinching, as her heart stopped. Esther says Mama's eyes became very wide, looking past her, out the window, seeing something beyond our natural sight. And she was gone. We can refuse to fit into the modern mold. We can take back control, if we wish. We buried Mama in our little country church's graveyard, in our old-fashioned Mennonite way. I was privileged to help dress her body for burial, and to put the first shovelful of dirt on her casket. It was such a help, in the grieving process. As I lovingly laid my mother to rest, covering her with soil, I was filled with such peace and joy. Because in the act, I was underscoring the fact that it was not really my mother I was covering with dirt. It was just her earthly shell. I knew her spirit was more alive than ever before. And someday, I'll see her... and she'll be young, and vibrant, and gloriously healthy. I know... because I've seen my sister who died of cancer. I was allowed a peek through the clouds one day, and Lois smiled down at me as if she had a huge, wonderful secret. She was no longer sick. No longer thin. Her hair was thicker and blacker than it had ever been. And she looked about 20 years old.

@madelinedavis4834

5 жыл бұрын

That's is a lovely experience. I am a huge supporter of people learning to prepare their own dead. I believe it plays a huge part in the grieving process. It's a shame we have given our dead to the funeral industry so they can cover the death and sell them back to us.

@nokomismn9685

4 жыл бұрын

polly jetix - Beautiful story, beautifully told.

@dank4853

4 жыл бұрын

I feel the oove and light through everything you said...and i guarantee that is exactly what happens xxx

@mrreyes5004

3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful story. I too love and appreciate my Mama, she's still alive but I've learned to enjoy and appreciate every moment I have with her and to cherish every hug and kiss we share.

@jillian8981

2 жыл бұрын

Beautiful.

We were refused any kind of help from MEDICAID, when mom was no longer able to live alone, safely. We'd only requested two days' help - for a day worker to come in and relieve some of the stresses of everyday tasks...Their answer was still no. So -- When we realized that the diagnosis of Alzheimers was also wrong (what she actually had was mixed dementia), we knew that we would care for her ourselves, at home. We wouldn't have missed it for the world. From 2015-June 2017, my sister Val and I looked after our mother. It was hysterically funny, infuriating, spiritual, heartbreaking, instructive, and altered the trajectory of our lives for good and all. Family breaches were mended, resolution, closure, healing...everything. We did a lot of laughing; and we did a lot of yelling. Not for the faint of heart - home care of an elder beloved opens you up in ways that you cannot even realize, going in. I think the system in America is pathetic, run by rule bound bureaucrats with their eye on the bottom line, not compassionate eldercare. Although it is too late for mother to benefit, WE, her daughters... were the actual nursing team that provided her care: not a group of overworked, indifferent professionals who probably would have forgotten her name the instant they walked away from her hospital bed...

@laurenc1210

Жыл бұрын

Wow. I was quietly cheering the whole way through reading your stoey. Thank you for this. Perfectly said. When we are unafraid to give over to being present in every way or what ways we can to our loved ones / relatives dying we grow. taking my mother through the death and dying process was the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. She was afraid, in pain and I intervened to help her leave with as much dignity as I could give her.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

This is so impressive to read and wow: that sounds like life and relationships fully lived.

My husband died at home after being cared for by the family for his last 6 months of paralysis. It was the best for him but also for each one of us.

My dad died suddenly a few months ago from heart failure. He died in bed at home. Sixteen years earlier he had had a heart attack. He ate right and exercised. Apparently he was on borrowed time and nobody knew it. Two months prior he had visted me and we had hiked, kayaked and swam. Nobody saw it coming. However I am glad he did not go in and out of a hospital.

@cgabbrielli7318

Жыл бұрын

We're all on borrowed time.

You are brilliant. As an ex Registered Nurse, everything you have described is 100% correct, it is distressing as a Nurse to watch this occur with utter disbelief, that Doctors cannot see what is really happening in front of them. I thank you, I do wish you were able to change the Health Paradigm and the manner in which Doctors are being educated. Thankyou thank you very much .

@academiaars-moriendi2060

Жыл бұрын

And you are brilliant too. Thank you so.much for your wise comment. God bless you.

@dalor4906

Жыл бұрын

You can't educate a doctor if they already know everything.

Excellent talk by Dr. Hillman If I may add some thoughts from ten years of hospice nursing. (Anecdotal evidence to be sure.) Seriously ill people are often ahead of their family and medical team in understanding that their time is limited. They’re actually waiting to have their understanding confirmed by the doctors. It’s the doctors and families who are afraid to discuss impending death. Dying people may allow themselves to be admitted to hospital repeatedly because they perceive that some family members are not ready/able to cope with their death. Pain is not the only symptom that produces suffering and fear. Shortness of breath, nausea, constipation, incontinence,anxiety, bed sores all need a plan to manage that is discussed and agreed to by patient and caregivers/family. While symptoms can most often be well-managed, that is not always the case. Options for that should be in place, again after discussion. Laws can be restricting here, depending on jurisdiction. Emotional and spiritual suffering is as real as physical symptoms. Communication, educating patient and family on what they are likely to see as time goes on, as well as what to do, is crucial to the most comfortable journey. LISTENING to the patient and family is THE most important part of this. Again, these are my observations, not “evidence” in the scientific sense.

@innessheridan4871

4 жыл бұрын

Tim Downey has

@petergambier

4 жыл бұрын

Nicely put thanks Tim, I can only hope that somebody like you might be around when I slip off the disc, unfortunately/fortunately there'll be smart learning AI and the talking speakers.

@juanitastanley4496

4 жыл бұрын

I have accepted my Grandfather's death, I think he's just afraid of accepting it himself, he's the meanest and toughest man I know, but I'm just not sure how to talk to him about it.

@petergambier

4 жыл бұрын

Just speak to him as you normally do. After all, he's mean & tough and can take it Juanita.

@dantheal4416

4 жыл бұрын

Very good points Tim

So important! My dad and then my mom 5 years later elected to die at home, and I was daughter, care giver, companion...supported by in-home care givers and other family and friends. Today, in the world of Covid, my heart aches for those who were isolated away from life "for their good," cared for by strangers wearing masks, and dying alone and isolated. I pray your work in Australia will foster changes worldwide, subjugating technology to the realities of life...and death.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

Yes, that! I struggled to come to terms with the isolation so many have had to die in and the lack of goodbyes for the family - i don't think I've come to terms actually. What a horrid situation to be seperated by the fear of killing each other through infection only to die anyway but without a human touch, without your families songs, words of love and shared grief and closeness...

I'm approaching that time with both my parents now. But especially my father. And the hardest part is that the medical profession & hospital staff have hijacked him. Telling him, my mother & myself (their only carer) what he wants & what's best for him. All control has been wrestled from us. With them even somehow managing to lasso him into some sort of a study (when I wasn't around & behind my back). When all he really wanted was to come home. He's in his mid eighties & has chronic renal failure, COPD & other age-related problems. Basically, he's worn out. He's aged considerably in the past two years. But has deteriorated fast in the least year. And it's almost impossible to stand up to entire teams of medical professionals who look at you side-ways if you try to resist or interfere. Almost implying you want to hasten his end. When in fact, you love him dearly. It's an incredibly difficult time for all three of us. And the medical profession, along with hospitals are doing anything but helping. He's lurching from one medical crisis to the other. But there seems to be no humanity to it at all. And it's such a battle to get them to listen even for five minutes. He was in Monash hospital in Clayton, for nearly a week recently. And I didn't get a chance to speak to a single doctor the entire time. But they still managed to rope him into participating in a study, just after I went home. Yet, whenever I was there. They were never around. And nurses aren't authorised to tell you anything. So you're at their mercy & leisure. It's all so cruel & inhumane. I've told my son that when my time comes. I just want to die at home. Don't call an ambulance. Don't put me in there. This ludicrous & it's cruel. My heart is breaking for my father. And I feel so alone.

@leslielucci3182

5 жыл бұрын

There should be an ombudsman at the hospital that may help you advocate for your parents. They need to put their wishes in writing. No one should be forced into unwanted medical treatment against their will. The hospital will try to push many procedures especially if parents have good insurance plan. There should also be a patient's bill of rights and your father can always deny consent for medical treatment. If close to end of life it's best not to go to the hospital to avoid the very scenario your in. If patient is terminal you can opt for hospice care. Its worth fighting for.

@basraabdulle3526

5 жыл бұрын

Hi why don't you just sing the refused form and it's not or they can not make you stay in the hospital if your Father is not willing to stay in there hospital all you have to do is tell them that you will be back if he needs more medical attention in my Country your parents is your choice to keep them Home or take them to the hospital also there are many Doctors who are willing to do home visitation why putting your parents through struggle when they need peace as much as water please ignore them call taxi take him home make feel comfortable as much as you can don't listen no one else but him and how he wants to be his last days in this life

@heyzeuscreestow9394

4 жыл бұрын

I hope your situation gets better!

@joef9143

4 жыл бұрын

Get a spine and do what your PARENTS want. Don't let the "big medical" people bully you. That's what's happening.

@leoclark831

4 жыл бұрын

What you say is so true. The reason for this weird aloofness and hyjacking behavior is that hospitals have become corporate machines where everyone including doctors have lost the human element. They are very good at all the pretentious welcome and kindness until your totally under their control. From there on the turn into a typical corporate business entity, rather that a kind respectful hospital.

I am a nurse in a long term care center. what the medical community does to the elderly is an absolute crime 😢

wow, this is my lecturer. i'm so proud of being a med student at unsw. also such an empathetic doctor. :') sadly my classes are all online now, so can't get to meet him in person.

I saw, as a hospice volunteer, a patient who had been in hospitals for 5 years. I saw this lady at the end of her life so I have no idea what her life was like in the early years. Does anyone want to live in a hospital for years? Something is terribly wrong with a system that allows this to happen.

@DonaldGerbino

4 жыл бұрын

I see it all the time at my hospital the number one mistake most of these people make is not taking care of the health before they get sick and putting thier lives in the hands of drs and the medical monopoly

I applaud your courage Sir, I ama 30 year veteran Paramedic and we see so much we cannot help. You are absolutely on point with this issue, bless you Sir. As I retire these issues are forefront in my mind married to an older Lady, stay strong and thankyou for your courage Sir.

I worked in hospice 10 years at the end of my 40 yr career...had to go from curative to palliative care. Pts Dying with dignity and love at home my mom died when I was 22 she was 60 and my dad when I was 48 he was 92 Both spectrums of death I brought that into my care of pts and their families..experience of death Not just as a nurse but daughter Catholic upbringingi funerals at an early age taught me death part of life Hospice amazing pt #1 and their choice for how they want to live at the end I also would visit with drs about hospice as an option when tiime is running out for pts...exhausting other areas of care for cure It was a very spiritual job not just about the physical I did have 9 pts "graduate" from hospice Miracles do happen But a miracle can be also be closure for the pt and family after soo many hospital visits and just trying 1 more time as they deteriorate As said no one needs to die in a sterile environment with tubes beeps blood sticks more testing no sleep and away from loved ones OR on a machine keeping you alive you can't talk or move IS THIS LIVING. NO it's torture Thank God for hospice programs So rewarding for me to offer this to so many a blessing for me to watch one be comfortable have family and pets there Quiet environment Love Peace till the final breath

@boem3021

Жыл бұрын

Love your comment!

@prestonsteffen

Жыл бұрын

God Bless ❣️

@singingwindrider9881

Жыл бұрын

Thankyou for pointing out that it is a SPIRITUAL occurrence as well, not just physical. 😃 We are spirits having a material experience. When our vessels (bodies) expire, our true self lives on. And you actually feel more alive (I've died twice)! "Death" is nothing to fear IF you've accepted Jesus. 🕊 He's alive & we're forgiven. Praise His Holy Name! 🕊😊

@boem3021

Жыл бұрын

@@singingwindrider9881 I ❤ your comment!

@angiepanjie

Жыл бұрын

I wish we’d got my father in law home.He caught covid in hospital at the beginning of the pandemic. He was such a homebody it broke my heart we couldn’t even visit him. They let us in when he was at the end. I held his hand as he passed. Then…we didn’t know what to do! We had to just leave him there. It felt so wrong. He should’ve been home. That’s all he wanted but because of covid it didn’t happen. Such a shame.

While we are still able to speak for ourselves things are much simpler. It’s when we can no longer comprehend and make our choices that folks hang on to us in ways we wouldn’t do to our dear pets. I actually had this same conversation with my vet when I had my old Shih Tzu put down. We both agreed how humane it would be could humans have the same benefit (as my 93 year old mom lay comatose in a nursing home for 2 years).

My Dad died 6 weeks ago, at 91 years old, of kidney and heart failure. We had a full and frank discussion with the doctors about this and the doctor involved was calm, kind and confident having that discussion. He declined hospital, but with the support of NHS district nurses, Marie Curie and Hospice carers, we were able to take care of him at home until he died peacefully with his family around him. When his GP put in place the support we were going to need, we didn't need to call an ambulance, except once to help get him up as he'd fallen out of bed. The rest of the time advice was available by phone and carers and nurses came to the house. I fully agree that the major issue is dealing with personal care, hygiene, food and drink. Some days I did 6 loads of washing as he was doubly incontinent. It's exhausting, so support for the family is crucial. It's possible, but I can fully understand why people would find it easier to move the dying into hospital, or keep them there. It's exhausting and emotionally draining. But so worth it. His cause of death was recorded as "old age", which is now possible again in England as long as the patient has been seen by a doctor within 2 weeks of dying. The death was then confirmed by a district nurse.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

Oh... O didn't even know that it wasn't possible for a while. I mean i shouldn't have been surprised just now, with how healthcare works but still... A relative of mine used to work in care for the elderly and she would say that the system of medicating, feeding and giving people water would sort of keep then alive over their time so that they "couldn't die of old age" but rather had to come up with the flu or something to get bad enough to "find their way out". And those were people who were lying in beds for years, getting few visits and beeing hardly responsive by the end. And then family would get mad at staff for not having prevented the flu. But why make someone suffer alive for another 2 more years, if you don't even bother having a relationship and spending more than a couple afternoons per quarter with them.

When I was young, my response to the thought of dying was "I don't want to ; I'm not done." Now I'm 83. I'm still not done. However, my thinking has changed. Life brings wonderful and awful. In the 'awful" I can understand how one might begin to feel finished with living and can imagine being ready to accept death. A matter of realizing you are truly finished and you're done . Now I know that the fear is brought on only when I imagine being isolated (hospitalized) from the ones I love. As I breathe my last I want to be looking into the eyes of those I love and feel the comfort of their hands holding mine.

Fortunately my mom, dad, auntie and moms friend all died comfortably at home in their own bed with family around them and having freedom and love and very little medical intervention. It was lovely being part of their final journey and though sad at times, there were also times of laughter and such a blessing to help them and nurse them and love them. So proud to have done my best for them after being so afraid of death once but more afraid of suffering now and I definitely don’t want to end my days in a noisy clinical hospital bed surrounded by strangers with no time for dying people. Death is as natural as life yet people expect to live forever or fail to accept their loved ones death even when they’re elderly now. We all have a shelf life and need to recognise that like my aunt who was so in touch with her mortality and owned it and her failing body without so much as a moan or grumble, we need to start bringing death back into our lives and homes and stop running away from it. But to do so we need our communities back and support networks. These are essential to the frail and elderly and sadly why so many are dying badly in hospital.

So if you’re in your own home, who is changing your wet and soiled pads several times day and night? Not the state. Who is offering you sips of water whenever you need it? Preparing carefully personalised food when you decide you’d like to eat? Moving a pillow in the night to help you become more comfortable? There is an assumption that you have a relative who is not only available to live with you and is on duty 24 hours a day, but who can also cope with the nursing and other care (laundry etc) involved. There are heroes out there, but not everyone can abandon their homes, family and careers to care for a dying relative. There are several reasons why this was easier in the old days’, not least of which is that there was always a woman with no job outside the home available.

I took care of my father during the last three years of his life. My biggest regret is taking him to the hospital in the last two weeks of his life (he was 90), and letting him die there because I listened to the doctors and people around me. He wanted to die at home, in the comfort of his home with me beside him. I wish I had done that for him.

@donmarchini43

Жыл бұрын

I can empathize. It’s a regret I will die with.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

I hope you have forgiven yourself. You didn't know better. We are not taught, we don't live with death and dying and even doctors and nurses finish their formal education not necessarily understanding how dying looks and could look. As a society we are so focused on saving life that we neglect creating a safe space to die

What a hero Ken Hillman is! He makes me prouder than ever, with his calm, kind, and commonsensical presentation, to be a fellow Australian, though the wisdom he presents is absolutely universal. I have watched his talk several times since it first came out, and learned more and more every time. I am very proud of my Advanced Care Directive, which I have modified in large ways and small at least twenty times since I first wrote it. Now I'm 71 and have prostate cancer that is very likely to be terminal, but I have never experienced a more joyful, positive, and even unselfish time of life. I know that I am influencing my family, friends, and even acquaintances in how they are seeing the joyful opportunities and frightening, sad parts of their lives. We are getting so much better at living. Thanks again, Dr. Hillman.

What a great message that confirms the path that I have chosen, in writing and conversation with my children. I have paid for my funeral and it is my wish that God and family will grant my request

This is one of the best videos I’ve seen. The family needs to give the elderly it’s ok go, too.

Thanks for this well done talk. I am passionate about helping create ways for us to talk about death. Home Funerals help the family develop a closer connection with death. I was with my grandma holding her hand in her bedroom. When I heard the death rattle and she stopped breathing the whole room lit up, bright light through out the room. Then her canary started singing. I can still see and feel this moment. Was over 35 years ago. Just a fun note, I was born on her birthday, Sept8.

@depaula1710

2 ай бұрын

How beautiful!

Spot-on! KUDOS, & thanks. Everyone spread this clip far & wide. Conventional MDs today pretty much are specialists, & specialization is a HINDRANCE to a proper natural death.

@janericksonbodenwriter

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Spot on... we all die. We should be able to leave this world with compassion and dignity.

Bravo! That took courage. And, obviously, compassion.

PLEASE CALL HOSPICE!!! Any Hospice will let your loved one stay home. Get all the end of life care they need and they will die with dignity. Nothing Is easy about death but it can be comfortable

Keeping condemned people alive and in pain against their will is a criminal offense and should be prosecuted as such. One of my uncles is in such a situation right now, I never saw anything so sad in my life and there's nothing I can do about it, DAMN!

@charliblake8551

5 жыл бұрын

Roses and Songs I’m so sorry. I’ve seen this as well. I really hope that he’s been allowed his peace now. Nothing like death to remind you to live a bit extra while you can huh?

@kayminnett2029

4 жыл бұрын

My mother died three weeks ago. She died a long and agonising death. Watching it was the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Her pain, suffering and loss of dignity was unbearable for her. I feel completely traumatised by it all. She said for years that she just wanted to die. She said that if she was a dog they would do the humane thing and put her down. I miss her very much but I’m glad she’s not suffering any more.

@nickinurse6433

4 жыл бұрын

Ridiculous! All he has to do is become a DNR & refuse all treatment....go on Hospice....he'll be dead in a week, very comfortably. Apparently he's afraid to die&wont do this......

Ken Hillman’s talk brings up how Australia, the U.S. and Europe are so focused on keeping “critically ill patients” alive, but questions if this is really what should be happening. This discussion goes right along with Patient Autonomy. Patient Autonomy is one of the most important medical ethics principles. Patients should be allowed to decide how they are treated, whether it be in how they live or how they die. If said patient lacks medical capacity, the decision making would be passed on to a family member who would make decisions in the best interest of the patient (hopefully.) I think it’s wise for those diagnosed with a terminal illness to come up with an end-of-life plan and to share those plans with their family and healthcare providers. I also think that healthcare providers should talk to elderly patients and terminally ill patients more about how they would like to die. Like Dr Hillman mentioned, death seems to be taboo and not always easily talked about. I don’t know that this isn’t being done already, but if 70% of patients prefer to die comfortably at home, but instead are dying in hospital beds, then there is a discrepancy in the communication of what patients want, vs what is actually happening. It’s amazing that doctors and scientists have come up with the technology to keep people alive longer than was previously conceived before said technology. In some cases, people choose to live as long as possible and it’s only because of these scientific breakthroughs that these things are possible. Dr Hillman points out that it’s not always easy for doctors to recognize when a patient is nearing end-of-life. I find it encouraging that he and his team are putting together a process by which primary care doctors can better predict when patients are nearing end-of-life so that the patient can better prepare their end-of-life process and let their preferences be known.

Wow! That was enlightening. Thank you so very much for succinctly articulating what actually happens. We've all heard good and bad stories of decisions to either die at home naturally in x time or spend most of a prolonged x time on chemotherapy for instance. You have given us the layman's understanding of how to think about what it is we want/need when our time comes. Your information is like a sigh of relief. Not because we hadn't heard about it or known of those who have been through it but because you brought it to our awareness in a kind and honest way. I'll be 66 at the end of the month and just dealt with my mother 85 passing recently and my father ten years ago. I thought my mother was coming home from hospital but after being with her for a couple of days while she was in hospital I realised from my experience as a patient support assistant in a hospital that she was dying. When asked, the doctor confirmed this. I say this because I was in shock to have it confirmed even though I have a belief system that life itself continues. I have nothing in place for my family when my time comes. Your talk has made me realise it is something I will attend to immediately. Many thanks for sharing :)

So true...Im so glad my father died at home holding my hand❤ It was peaceful and beautiful.

Spot on. Take me out in comfort, No long term god actions from humans.I am 65 and have been chronically ill for 10 yrs. Let me go easy at home if at possible.

@avaspielberg3144

Жыл бұрын

God Bless You

@ReclinerBabe

Жыл бұрын

Well meant, Ava....but where is he now? If living....he would be 68.....and no doubt still in his chronically Ill condition. If not living he would obviously be with your...or his, God Did he get his wish to go gently in the night? I guess we will never know. But still....did anyone even hear and/or carry out his wishes? Probably not....and thereon lies the problem.... I'm 90 years old....I get it! How much progress since this talk was given?

Thanks ! some wise and honest advice from Ken Hillman, as a nurse and a logical realistic person I wish we taught a healthier educated perspective of ageing and dying, of course we know how to celebrate birth as its a happy time and everyone is hanging in limbo dealing with grief during the active terminal phase, as well as the delivery of the prognosis of death. I wish we all spent more time encouraging living the healthy days with passion and actually discussing end of life issues more and not hiding them and acting like everything is a big surprise, the price for all of us to pay in life is at the END there's death so lets talk about it just sometimes in a healthy realistic way while we are still healthy !

Very nice and thought provoking talk. Thank you.

Thank you so very much! Dr. Ken Hillman presented a very important and valuable facet of elderly late stage of dying.

I like your proposal. Simple, direct, honest and kind.

Excellent information and wisdom. I’m a retired nurse.

Excellent talk! Thank you...

Timely for me, and very true. Well expressed. Thank you

Very good! I saw this all the time in the hospital and in home health. And, when we in the medical community fear dying and are afraid to talk with patients AND their families about dying they become paralyzed with the same fear, sometime not knowing how to feel and what is truly the right way, most humane way of letting our loved ones go. It is very heart-wretching, but feel that when we talk about these issues we become more accepting of end-of-life and then can spend our time on the more important things with our dying loved one...reminiscing, sometimes even forgiving. We have to be open with them and educate, be honest with this season of life.

Excellent! I strongly agree with Dr. Hillman, I am getting elderly, I love the frailty chart, it says so much!

DR. Ken Hillman, you are amazing Doctor. You are brave, thank you so much. Amazing work 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Love Ted x talks such wonderful speakers so insightful and inspiring

A very fine clear and honest talk about a subject we all run away from .thank you Ken.

Thank you for naming this so clearly, unabashedly, and courageously. I can see that I still have choices I can make in directing how my end of life can happen, should I be so fortunate as to just grow old. Even if I have to stand up to family and perhaps the medical institution.

My mother’s palliative care was all set up. I came home to nurse her in her own home where she wanted to stay. Cutting a long cruel story short my brother attacked me and demanded she go into a hospice. I had to see her suffer unnecessarily, I will never forgive him and her end of life non care will haunt me for the rest of my life. Why are some people afraid of death and makes it frightening for others, especially the patient. Philomena

A Wonderful and very comforting talk, thank you

Thank you Ken, very informative to someone my age of 74 with Emphysema, Inguinal Hernias and a 5.6 abdominal aortic aneurysm. I do agree that people my age should be talked to honestly and openly about `just what's happening` and what choices I would have.

@ChateauShack

5 жыл бұрын

It's amazing how our society ignores the fundamental fact that we're all born to die. We live life like it'll never happen yet, we're programmed to die from our inception. It's sad that we recoil from death as if it was contagious but it's a natural reaction to the fear of the unknown I guess. If we understood our biology better, we might not fear death as much. If you ever see an eagle catch prey, say a hare, you will see the animal go limp in submission; it knows it's been caught and there's no use fighting. If, per chance, the eagle drops its clutch, it might take a moment or two before the hare realizes that it can flee but it will come out of its stupor and bolt but yet, a moment before; it looked dead. Talk to anyone who believed they were dying and they will invariably mention a peacefulness that overcomes them, death may even be welcomed to stop the suffering. That submission and/or peacefulness is part of our "program" - all animals (including us) are programmed the same way; we're born to die. Everyone dies... So if everyone is dying to find out what's on "the other side"; it can't be all that bad! ;-)

@nickinurse6433

4 жыл бұрын

Make out your living will Cliff. Make sure your family isn't put in the position to have to decide for you

@jazzcatt

4 жыл бұрын

@@nickinurse6433 My grandmother had a living will, kept up to date, and STILL the f***ing hospital staff asked my mom (and myself) what WE wanted. I was so angry at them daring to ask us when she made it clear as glass, and a legal document making it clear what she wanted. I no longer trust DNRs nor living wills. Even though I have both, I don't trust that they will be followed.

@audreyuyterlinde2693

2 жыл бұрын

@@ChateauShack v

@ChateauShack

2 жыл бұрын

@@audreyuyterlinde2693 ?

Really interesting and thought provoking talk

One of the best ted talks I've heard in quite some time

@originalunoriginal4055

4 жыл бұрын

Reminding yourself of death from time to time can be beneficial and varies accordingly, such as atheists are likely to YOLO - it, when asked about death!

@originalunoriginal4055

4 жыл бұрын

It took me 30 mins to type the above comment, as I kept stopping to type due to feeling overwhelmed by the thought of death!

@rosemariemartinez4030

Жыл бұрын

@@originalunoriginal4055 All those things I’ve feared most in life, God has brought me through: fear of dying (have had two death experiences: first one I woke in the morgue after a blood clot from my leg hit my heart when my daughter was born, The second was waking from a suicide-by-hanging) Fear of the pain of death: after a terrible beating and internal hemorrhage where my doctor-husband left me in a coma 6 weeks on the sofa,I learned that at a certain point in excruciating pain, one’s mind and body disassociate where the mind is aware of the pain, but goes beyond the suffering to a state of euphoria. That was all some 48 years ago and today at age 74, I’m blessed to be in good health, no medical conditions, no prescription meds, twelve children and 16 grandchildren. Life is beautiful. But I know without doubt that the afterlife is even more so.

An incredibly valuable presentation!

this reflects thoughts I have had watching elderly friends and relatives reach the end of their lives with no one having the end of life convo

One of the most honest and realistic videos on this subject matter I've seen, if not the best! Thank you!

This was an amazing lecture, thank you, thank your, for your honesty, your forth coming truth and your gift of support for the against patient, the mother, the grandmother, the siblings and friends. I have bid farewell to several of these in the past years and this has led me to speak to my children & tell them that I Do Not wish to leave this phase of life in a hospital surrounded by well meaning strangers. But you have offered so many offered so many, young and aged alike an alternative, a hopefulness for a life completion that has some dignity, love, peace and a more comforting release. As well as the opportunity to help our families look at life’s completion differently. More normal, with more acceptance. I will share this with all of my very much alive, aging friends and dream of a time when my grands and great grands may be offered and treated with the love, acceptance, respect and peace the completion of a life deserves. Thank you 🙏🏼 😊 ☺️

Thanks for the thoughtful discussion

Well done. Thank you Ken.

great talk! we all need to take our living and dying into our own hands and make advanced care plans

love this honesty

Thank you Dr. Ken Hillman !

Wonderful talk...thank you❤

Good talk thanks. My grandfathers, one a Submariner and the other an RAF Navigator, died at home but my mum's father, a long term 'Silk Cut' smoker, died in our house, kept very comfortable with morphine. There were once many Cottage hospitals all over the UK which took the pressure off the general Hospital's, and with the rise and rise of elderly bed-blockers we either need more Cottage hospitals or stay at home care surrounded by family.

Good discussion with practical implications. We should use them!

Outstanding. Thank you ❤️

THE FIVE DEATHS 1. When you learn that you will definitely die someday. 2. When you realize death is eminent. 3. When you actually die. 4. When the last person who knew you dies. 5. When the last time your name is ever spoken.

It seems a shame that an animal can be "put to sleep," "taken out of his misery," etc, and yet a human being must suffer and die slowly, without the the choice to be given a shot and allowed to die peacefully.

WOW.... Thank you for your inlightening talk. Now, i some times read the comments only to understand a little more on the subject..... Again i say WOW..... I"m 64 years young! Yes some days i wake up feeling 64 years old. But its what i choose to do with how i feel on that day that makes ,( to me) all the difference in young and old...........

Thumbs up and thanks for your honesty.

In America we WILL NOT empower the patient. The insurance company profits cannot handle that uncertainty on a graph. It is all about the profit here. Get educated. Know how your body works. Know your mind. Be realistic and be honest. I see people every day in a nursing home and I think "Please don't ever let this happen to me." The reality is the medical professionals are having those thoughts about someone and it could be you. In America get a "LIVING WILL" even if you are 20 years old. If you choose to be an ostrich with your head in the sand then we can keep you alive in a horror chamber. We don't manage pain in America anymore since the government crack down. The choice is yours

@bonniey7299

4 жыл бұрын

I never forget thought that the American medical associations, & such, would deny anti-pain medications, to anybody, that was sick, or terminally ill, it is a REALLY SCARY THOUGHT !!!😵😱😤 Thanks for your info.

@tlyons8537

4 жыл бұрын

You are right....life is like a vapor..we are all headed that way in a very few years.....i thank you for sharing that information because most people don't want to think about or face our end of life but it is coming. We just need to get our affairs in order

@sarahashley4699

Жыл бұрын

Advanced Directive too

It's a pretty cool video on KZread about a nursing home that there are cats for the elderly. 1 of the cats is not very friendly but will go into an elderly room and lay at the ' of the elderly person. Within 48 hours every elderly passes away. Animals are operating on an entire different level that we seem to lose the more technology we have...

My mother had cancer and had chemotherapy for the final year of her life. Two week before she died she was stressed, exhausted and in pain, and a very experienced consultant said to her that she did not have long to live and would she rather keep coming to the hospital for treatment which would not improve her quality of life or extend it much further, or would she rather stay at home, have effective pain control medication, and regular visits from palliative care nurses. She chose the latter. My sister and I stayed with her and she died peacefully at home with no stress or pain. Thank goodness for that wise consultant who knew that extending the life of terminally ill patients should not always be the main aim of the medical establishment.

Yes, the people who provide the care are genuinely well meaning. The industry, however, is essentially extractive.

Thank you.

I’ve always liked the idea myself. I don’t want to die till my time but I’m perfectly ok with it. We have a farm and told dad he will never live in a nursing home. Mom died three years ago of cancer . She died in the living room with her family all around her. It took her about nine months ( pancreatic) to pass and we lived there taking care of them the whole time. Farmers, not at all wealthy .

Great talk.

Exactly what he said! I've put together an end-of-life portfolio that includes preferred medical care (pallative only) and a refusal of any "heroics". I also have a medic-alert bracelet that states I have a signed Do Not Resuscitate form in my purse. Barring a natural disaster or car accident, I will be the one who decides how I die, thank you!

@tinypup2116

5 жыл бұрын

I am sure that zombies, during a zombie apocalypse, gonna respect your will to be not resuscitate just because of the bracelet

@ziggilypiggily

5 жыл бұрын

@@tinypup2116 You'd pretty much have to have a reactive zap for the zombies every time they try to resuscuitate you.

@ziggilypiggily

5 жыл бұрын

Kris Aaron..... have you considered getting that information tattooed in an obvious place so there can be no mistake about who the bracelet belonged to (after they removed it without reading it) and who's purse that is when you're not able to say for yourself? I'll do my best to not be anywhere near a doctor when I decide to go.

@chevonne8492

4 жыл бұрын

Agree! 100%

@andreanottellin2129

4 жыл бұрын

@@tinypup2116 Yeah,damn them zombies,and their apocalypses,far too much of that going on,Eh?!! Feckwit....Yeah you are! A feckwit

Excellent! thank you very very much.

Such an awesome testimonial I enjoyed watching, so true! Thank you, I was envisioning the same. I lost some I loved but perhaps I will not if this continues to work. It would be a blessing to me. Thank You! Keep on expending. Humans We Are AWESOME!

Like reading your book ,very well explained thank you

They are called Teaching Hospitals, because the term Learning Hospitals made the patients nervous.

@mimidebrose

4 жыл бұрын

John Smith awesome post.

@sacredcowbbq1326

4 жыл бұрын

That's painfully funny.

He makes a lot of sense! We were able to allow my father to die naturally at home. Wouldn't change a thing!

❤️❤️❤️✨thank you for this

Bravo great talk.

When my time comes, I 🙏 that the lord takes me swiftly and no one intervenes